Fold in Gently
by celticann
Summary: An alternate universe story for CJ and Danny. Fits in and around Scenes from an Alternate Universe.
1. Why?

Author's note:

I had hoped that writing "Scenes from an Alternate Universe" would put an end to these demands on my muse. But CJ and Paul keep wanting to have their story told. Derrick wants the world to know more about him. Deborah is saying "What about me?". And, most of all, Danny and Alicia want me to tell you more about heaven, the unique plan that God has for them as they wait for CJ and Paul, and about something known as "The Swirling Dance".

So here it is.

Why "Fold in Gently"? It's a recipe instruction, used when egg whites or whipped cream are added to the rest of the ingredients. You want to make sure that you don't destroy the structure of the individual ingredients when making the whole. That is what you need to do when bringing together two families into one.

The chapters of this story will fit in and around "Scenes from an Alternate Universe". It will not be written, or published, in chronological order.

And I promise not to stop writing "Holding Hands on the Way Down", because, as I said earlier, this is so not going to happen.

Please let me know what you think.


	2. Home for the Holidays

**Home for the Holidays**

CJ, Danny, OMCs, OFCs, total AU, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult --contains vulgar, maybe offensive language, but it's needed for the story

Spoilers through end of series

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

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_Wednesday, November 27, 2013, Kensington , CA _

He was lying there in the warmth and the sun. A beautiful butterfly was resting on his chest. The wings of the insect were the sheerest gossamer, were the most gorgeous of colors. The butterfly had no fear of him. It lay there, as if it felt safe and secure in his arms. Somehow, his arms were around the butterfly. The butterfly's antennae brushed against his nose. It tickled and he reached up to move the antennae to the side…

Paul Reeves woke in the pre-dawn. CJ's head and part of her upper body lay on his chest, her hair, spread out in a haphazard halo, brushed against his mouth and his nose.

He gently moved the strands from his face, and then pressed a light kiss on the tresses. At first, he saw just the contrast of her skin, light gold with its southern California tan still in evidence, against the mahogany of his chest. As his eyes adjusted , he began to make out the dusky coral of her lips and her nipples, the deeper bronze of her hair, brows, and eyelashes, then the paler peach of her nails.

He looked over at the bedside clock. It was just after 7:00 in the morning. She had been sleeping now for about two and a half hours.

He sighed, as silently as possible. He was not surprised that he would feel the need to have a "serious discussion" with CJ within three weeks of their wedding. It did surprise him that the subject would be his participation in the care of the children; or rather, her unwillingness to let him participate.

Last week, on one of Paddy's mornings in preschool (they were easing him into it, 3 mornings a week), they had called her at her office on campus. He had a "tummy ache" and the runs and really wanted to come home. CJ cancelled a meeting with three department chairs in order to pick up the child. That evening, when he told her that he had had nothing on his calendar and could easily have taken care of the errand, she bent down, kissed him lightly, told him that he was "sweet to offer", but she didn't want to "bother him with the kids' problems." It was the same when he mentioned that although he didn't begrudge the expense, there was no reason to have someone else in the house on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons watching the children when he was at home.

Then Monday night (or, rather, very early Tuesday morning) Caitlin began wailing as if all hell were breaking loose in her little body (or her mind). CJ was with the baby for over four hours, trying everything in the world to quiet her, before the child, probably exhausted from crying, fell into a fitful sleep. Then last night, the toddler began again, at roughly the same time. CJ moaned as she lifted her head from the pillow beside him.

"I'll go, sweetheart. You're still dead from last night."

"You're sweet." Again those words, this time with a yawn, again the light kiss. "But I don't want to bother you." She got out of bed, pulled on a robe over her nudity, and went to the baby's room.

At least, both times, whatever the disease or demon that was tormenting his precious little stepdaughter, it had the decency to wait until their lovemaking had reached a (very) satisfying conclusion.

The continuing degree and intensity of their sex life was one of the many pleasant surprises of the past few weeks.

The two to four times a day while they were at Calistoga Hot Springs were to be expected : it was their honeymoon. In September they had agreed to honor the memory of both Danny and Alicia by not reconsummating their relationship until after the wedding ceremony and by the time two months had passed, he knew that he, at least, was, to put it bluntly, horny as hell. Counting the half-year when Alicia was in so much pain prior to her death in May 2006, it had eight years since he had been with a woman. Until he had started to court CJ again, it hadn't been a problem, but ever since June--.

Neither was the fact that they made love every night since the honeymoon that surprising. Until her body became ravaged with pain 15 months before her death in May 2006, he and Alicia had enjoyed each other just about every day, except for her cycle, the occasional night apart, and the time right before and after the birth of the twins. He knew without asking that CJ and Danny had experienced an equally active love life; even more, because Danny's cancer was not a painful one, just a weakening (and deadly) one. And with CJ entering menopause, they wouldn't be missing a week once a month.

He was not particularly surprised that they wanted each other several mornings a week, when their schedules and the time they awoke made it feasible, nor did the three times that they had awakened in the middle of the night reaching for each other amaze him.

What did amaze him is the fact that more often than not, he was not only willing, but ready and able to possess her a second, sometimes even a third time, within only twenty minutes or so of the last time. What did amaze him was that sometimes all he had to do was look at her, or she at him, and they were in each other's arms. Several times a day they would find themselves clasped in an embrace that left no doubt of their desire for each other, with the ragged "Later" making "Anticipation" their favorite pastime. Any television show past Paddy's bedtime did not make it to their "must see" list.

He heard the sounds coming through the baby monitor, swiftly but carefully slipped from underneath CJ, and reached Caitlin's room before she could give full voice to her cries.

He buried the monitor in the top drawer of the dresser to dampen the noise, then picked up the child.

"Come to Papa, darling. Let Papa make it all better."

It was only then that he remembered that he was nude. His pajama bottoms were somewhere on the bedroom floor. ("Now why did you bother with those?" she asked as he came into the bedroom from their bathroom. She reached for the drawstring and slipped them from his hips, her mouth tracing down from his chest to his waist to his groin). Still holding the whimpering, but not (yet) screaming child, he made his way to the other bathroom, grabbed one of the big fluffy cream-colored towels that had been set out for Derrick's arrival later today, and returned to Caitlin's nursery. Setting her in the crib for a minute, he grabbed a couple of safety pins and pinned the towel around his waist. Then he picked up the baby and carried her into his study.

He sat down on the loveseat and held her against his chest. Her eyes seemed so troubled, as if she were tormented by frightening nightmares. But what could frighten a little baby so? What trauma could an infant, just days past her first birthday, have suffered?

"Don't fret, darling. We're taking you to the doctor later this morning to see if we can find out what's making you so unhappy. And if something is bothering you, just don't worry. You've got Papa and Mama here, and Daddy and Aunt Alicia in heaven, to make sure that nobody or nothing gets to you."

She calmed down and smiled up at him. She looked so much like her father. Then she made a face and pushed down with her legs. The resulting odor was not that unpleasant, but it was obvious what had happened. He laughed, stood up, and made his way back to her room.

It had been over twenty years since the twins, but he had done plenty of this while in missionary service and he expertly took care of Caitlin's needs. The only thing he didn't know how to handle was the little machine that turned the dirty disposable diaper into the sealed, compact little ball.

On the way to the kitchen, he checked in on Paddy. The boy was sprawled across his bed. Paul picked up the quilt from the floor and covered the child, stroking the hair that mirrored his mother's.

Once in the kitchen, he set Caitlin in her high chair and put a half-cup of Cheerios on her tray. As he made a pot of coffee, she played with and ate the little circles. Two in the mouth, one thrown out at random seemed to be her pattern. While the coffee brewed, he found the baby cereal box, determined the portion she needed, and prepared it. Then, pouring himself of cup of coffee, he opened a jar of applesauce and fed the girl.

He had just finished feeding the baby when Paddy came into the kitchen.

"Morning, Papa. Is Derrick here yet?" Paddy couldn't wait for his "big brother" to arrive from Seattle , where he was in his second year at the University of Washington School of Law.

"No, he probably won't get here until later this afternoon."

"Why?"

"Because it's a twelve hour drive. He was going to try to get up in the middle of the night. He'll probably call us soon and let us know how he's doing."

"I wish he could be here now."

"I do, too. _(Because even though he's almost 24, I still worry about him.)_ In the meantime, why don't I make us some French toast for breakfast?"

"Yay!! I like French toast!"

"Okay, now you make sure that Caitlin is okay in her high chair while I cook it."

He went to the refrigerator to get the milk, eggs, butter, and syrup. He poured a glass of apple juice and gave it to Paddy.

"Papa, you look like Tarzan!"

He looked down at the towel pinned to his waist. "I guess I do."

An hour later, they were still at the kitchen table. Caitlin was playing with a musical toy. Paul and Paddy were playing "Old Maid". Derrick had called. He estimated his arrival at 4:00 PM. Paul told him that they had a 1:00 PM appointment with the pediatrician and reminded Derrick of the code to the front door lock in case they weren't back in time.

"Morning." CJ walked into the room. "What's going on?"

"Papa made French toast! He looks like Tarzan!"

He had stood up and was walking toward her. He was tall, still quite slender, in very good shape. The towel pinned to his waist was loose, but it drew her attention to what it covered.

"Good morning, sweetheart." He gave her a light hug, a brief kiss, not wanting to get too close. Even with the children in the room, he could feel himself stirring at the sight of her.

"You're sweet to take care of the kids for me. You didn't have to."

For the moment, he resisted the urge to disagree with her. Instead, he insisted that she sit down, poured her a cup of coffee. He made some more French toast and they talked about their plans for the day. Neither of them was going into work today. The four-day Thanksgiving holiday had been extended by one day. The four of them would go to the pediatrician, he stated , and she didn't argue with him this time.

Deborah called from Puerto Rico . Her roommate from Miami of Ohio had planned a destination wedding for this weekend and Deborah was the maid of honor. She wouldn't be joining them for this holiday but was looking forward to Christmas.

CJ didn't need anything else for dinner tomorrow, but she didn't know about breakfast. He suggested that they have Derrick make breakfast. He did a thing with eggs, ham, cream, and cheese that was out of this world. He called his son to make sure they weren't missing any crucial or secret ingredient.

Caitlin was nodding off in her highchair so they took her to her room. Paul insisted that CJ show him how to use the Diaper Genie. Paddy was in front of the family room TV, enthralled in a Muppets episode.

When she headed into their bathroom, he pulled her onto the bed and they didn't bother removing her robe or his towel.

Twenty minutes later, they were in the shower together. If Paddy hadn't called to them, the shower might have ended much more pleasantly.

The doctor could find nothing wrong with Caitlin, was at a loss to explain why she was so fussy. He suggested a lavender bath as a relaxant. His nurse, an older woman, whispered that her Scotch grandmother swore by a "wee, wee drop of whiskey in the final bottle at night".

Derrick arrived at 3:30. No, he told his father, he didn't speed, not really. He was doing 85, yes, but he was passed much more than he passed other cars and trucks. In fact, from Redding to just south of Dunnigan, where he left I-5 to swing over to the bay, it was as if everyone was on flatbed rail cars, just being pulled along. However, he was tired and would like to get a nap before supper.

"Derrick, you're sleeping in my bed!"

When they had asked the boy if Derrick could sleep in his room over the holiday, the little boy got so excited . He cleaned out a drawer "for my brother" and seemed really excited about letting Derrick use his room. They had planned to put a rollaway bed in Caitlin's room for Paddy.

"I know, buddy, and I thank you very much for letting me."

"Mama, if Derrick's gonna sleep, I want to, too. Set up the bed."

"We already did, honey. See, it's just there by Caitlin's crib."

"But we're brothers. Brothers sleep in the same room. Like Mike and Steve."

Oops. They forgot to explain to Paddy that Derrick would probably prefer to be by himself. CJ could see the tears start to form in the little boy's eyes.

"That's right," Derrick said quickly. "Brothers share a room. Let's move the bed where it belongs."

In the act of getting the rollaway from one room to the other, Paul pulled aside his son.

"You sure you don't mind?"

"No. I mean it's not as if there's a lady friend in the picture," the young man joked.

"Yeah, about that. You know, what would have previously been okay when we were all past a certain age, the family has new dimensions now."

Derrick gave his father a look that indicated he understood. He was now a role model.

CJ became increasingly nervous as the evening approached. Paul had accepted a call to be an associate minister at one of the local churches, filling in when needed, and tonight he would be preaching for the Thanksgiving Eve service, the first time he had done so since the wedding. It would be her first time as "the preacher's wife" and she was nervous for herself. Would she look okay? Would the kids look okay? Would they behave? Would Paddy make some comment about there not being any statues, or where were the altar servers, or that papas couldn't be priests?

When discussing all the details of blending their lives together back in September and October, they agreed that they would attend church with each other. If there was one place where they could pull off their multi-dimensional "mixed marriage", it would be Berkeley . When Paul took the position with the congregation, he asked the senior minister for the name of the biggest gossip and then called on Mrs. Bialy in the guise of getting to know some of the church members. In the course of the conversation, he told her all (well, not quite all) about CJ, how they met, her first marriage, his first marriage, and how they came to be together again after so many years. Mrs. Bialy thought it was the most romantic thing and by now, the entire congregation knew all the gory details, so he wouldn't have to explain anything to anybody. CJ did something similar with her parish and, except for the one man who took Paul aside and told him that there was a precedent for ordaining married ministers who converted to Catholicism "and anything that might eventually get the Pope to realize that he was being an ass on the subject was a good thing", no one cared (or at least no one said anything to their faces).

Derrick assured CJ that she looked fine, that the kids looked fine. Paddy was going to do whatever Derrick did, so he would make sure that the boy didn't say much of anything.

She had to admit that she felt proud, sitting there in the first pew, watching her husband, looking so handsome in his clerical garb and stole, leading the congregation in song and prayer, then preaching on the joy of thanking God for His bounty. At the end, he turned to them.

"As you may know, God has recently given me a second chance at happiness and that I was married again a few weeks ago. This is the first time I have led this congregation since then and I would like to introduce my wife, CJ, and you'll have to ask her what the initials stand for, if you're brave enough, my son Derrick, and the new children of my heart, Paddy and Caitlin. Deborah, Derrick's twin, is standing up for her college roommate this weekend, but I hope you will meet her at Christmas."

As they stood and faced the congregation, they were greeted by applause. There were murmurs as many in the crowd (this was Berkeley, after all) recognized former President Bartlet's Press Secretary slash first woman Chief of Staff slash Nobel Prize laureate. Everyone was so friendly after the service. Paddy told everyone how much he loved "the Papa that Daddy found for us before he went to heaven" and "now I have a brother!"

It happened again, just after midnight. He had just gone rigid, shuddered, and released inside her. She had just stiffened against him, quivered, and melted , making the sound that was half sigh, half cry, the sound that was sweeter than Brahms, more joyous than Beethoven, more glorious than Bach. He was whispering her name over and over, quieting her, bringing her down gently, already thinking about taking the both of them up to the heights again.

Caitlin's terror came through the speakers of the monitor.

She began to push him away from her.

Tomorrow, or the next day, or after the holiday, he would seat her beside him in the study and talk with her, for hours if necessary, convince her of what he knew to be true. Tonight he was going to put down his foot, figuratively. Tonight, actions would speak louder than words. He was going to insist, this once, on the marriage model proposed by the apostle for whom he was named.

"No, CJ." He pushed her down in the bed. "You've been up for two nights straight. Tonight is my turn."

"But,"

"No buts," he said sternly. Then he softened the tone by kissing her as he lifted himself off the bed, pulled on the pajama bottoms he never bothered to put on earlier in the evening, and went to take care of the miserable little girl.

He heated a bottle in the kitchen and then walked toward the living room to feed her, trying to get her as far away from the bedrooms as possible, shutting the door between the bedroom wing and the rest of the house. On the way, he remembered the words of the doctor's nurse, remembered his grandmother saying the same thing, and stopped to add about a teaspoon or so of MacDonald Moonshine to the bottle.

She took the bottle. The ghosts still possessed her eyes, but her wails quieted to whimpers. He returned to the nursery, sat in the rocker, and began to sing.

CJ woke to the sound of her husband's soft voice coming through the baby monitor. She checked the clock. It had been about two hours since he had taken matters into his own hands.

"_Hush, little Caitlin, don't say a word_

_Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird._

_And if that mockingbird won't sing_

_Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring._

_And if that diamond ring turns brass_

_Papa's gonna buy you a looking glass."_

He went through every verse she knew and some that she didn't. At the end, she was sure he was inventing on the fly.

Then he stopped singing. "Kitty Caitlin, my baby. Don't be afraid. Whatever is trying to bother you, don't let it. Papa won't let anything or anyone hurt you. Papa promised your Daddy to take care of you and your brother and your mama and I'm going to keep that promise. Just keep remembering that. Papa's here. Papa's here. Papa's here."

Maybe he really did want to help, she thought as she snuggled down into the bed. He really was a wonderful man. Danny probably knew what was best. He usually did, she thought ruefully as she drifted off to sleep again. And if he were here, he'd certainly be helping in the care of his little girl. He sure did with Paddy.

_"It's taken you this long to realize it? " Danny brushed his wife's face, smoothing her brow. _

"_He always was good with the kids, always good about sharing everything. Of course, with twins, it was a necessity. But what are we going to do with this poor little child?_

"_Her godmother finally has that in hand. Aisling's still developing the connection between the two of them. So, tell me about tomorrow. The meal is being served in the Big Dipper?"_

She was finally asleep. Paul gently lowered her into the crib, then returned to his bed and his wife. CJ stirred, turned around to face him, and buried her head in his armpit. "Love you," she murmured.

"Even when I'm bossy?" he whispered.

The only response was a light snore.

He kissed her head, wrapped her in his arms, and fell asleep.

_Thanksgiving Day, 2013_

Caitlin made it through the rest of the night without waking.

They got the 22-pound turkey in the oven by 8:00. They used Alicia's stuffing recipe.

They went to Thanksgiving Day Mass at 9:00 AM. When CJ went up to Communion with Caitlin in her arms and Paddy at her side, Derrick got up to join her.

Paul pulled him back. "Derrick! You know they don't practice open communion!"

"I was going up for the blessing. I checked with CJ last night to make sure they do it here." He was talking about the practice of extending a blessing to those who approach the ministers with arms crossed over their breast. Then he thought again. "Unless, with your position, you would prefer that I don't?" The last thing he wanted to do was cause discomfort for his father.

Paul had struggled with the concept himself. He was not yet ready to take that step, although he knew of many ministers -- Lutherans, Episcopalians, Presbyterians -- who did so when attending funerals and weddings.

By this time, it was too late, but for the future, he told Derrick that he had no problem if Derrick wanted to participate in this manner.

Afterward, Derrick did make the baked egg recipe he had learned from a girlfriend when he was in high school in Lexington . He was constructing mimosas and had pulled down four flutes. He made three standard mimosas and then put an ounce of champagne in the fourth glass. Then he stopped. From his childhood, he was only doing what his mother and father had done, but he didn't know what CJ's thoughts were on the situation.

"CJ?" he asked. "Is this okay for Paddy?"

She saw what he was doing and nodded her assent. "Gina's family does it all the time. Put some seltzer in there also, instead of filling it with orange juice. It will make it fizzier."

Their company arrived at 2:00 and 2:15, two students from the International Students Association.

When the executive secretary to the president of the Theological Union had called him and asked if they could host two students for Thanksgiving, he demurred. Yes, he knew that many of these students had nowhere to go for the brief holiday, had no idea of the custom. But he and his wife had been married less than a month, were trying to blend two families and, for all intents and purposes, three generations.

However, the woman did not become the real power in the Union by taking "No" for an answer. She called CJ and made it sound like Paul's professional career would take a definite bounce forward if they entertained for the holiday. So, of course, CJ said "Yes".

When he discussed the subject with her, she explained that Joel and Hannah always had extra people for Thanksgiving, that when she was in Washington , people were always bringing extra guests, and that it might be fun. He conceded, telling her she had made the right decision.

They were assigned Esmée, a young French woman who brought two bottles of Beaujolais nouveau, and Tonio, a young man from Florence who brought a box of the most delicious pastries from the North Beach section of San Francisco .

They ate at 3:00 PM and were just starting dessert when the Fed Ex package from Aisling arrived.

"Dear Aunt CJ. Play this DVD for Caitlin whenever she gets fussy (or you want a little time to yourself)."

After their guests left, they put the disc in the player and watched it. It contained cuts from old "Flintstone" cartoons, scenes (nothing traumatic or frightening) from one of the movies made from Jean Auel's "Earth's Children" series, and some scenes from an Irish television documentary on prehistoric life in Wexford. As she watched it, Caitlin's expression varied between laughter and quiet introspection.

Paul and Derrick spent the evening watching basketball. Paddy tried mightily to stay up with them, but ended up falling asleep with his head on Derrick's lap. CJ talked with Donna, Sam , and Diana.

That evening, Caitlin slept peacefully through the night.

_Friday November 29, 2013_

Paddy pulled on Derrick's hand.

"Maybe they're in Papa's study. Mama! Papa!" His brother wanted to take him for a ride, all the way to San Francisco . They could go to the zoo, maybe ride the ferry, have lunch, just do "brother" stuff.

"Hey, guy! Don't shout! We need to walk up to the door and see if they are there. We have to knock and wait for permission to enter."

He knew his father would be gentle and patient with the little boy, but his father did have his rules and two of the big ones were that you did not go through the house yelling for anyone and that you did not enter the study or the bedroom without first getting permission, even if the door was open.

When he thought back on the next few minutes, he realized that although the events seemed to be crisp and distinct, in reality everything happened almost instantaneously.

When he first heard the ragged male voice, consumed with passion, he thought it was the television and commented to himself that daytime dramas were certainly steamier than he remembered.

"Oh, girl, can you feel what you do to me? Can you feel how hard I am for you, how hard you make me?"

It was the nanosecond before he reached the open study door that he recognized the voice as his father's.

His stepmother was pressed up against his father. Her arms were around his neck, hanging on as if she were afraid of falling and her lips were pressed into his shoulder, making small sucking kisses where neck met shoulder.

His left arm was around her ribcage. His left hand was holding up several folds of the mid-calf full skirt she wore, baring her left leg up to her waist. The fingers of his right hand were under the waistband of her underwear, moving from her hip to her –

He pulled the little boy away from the open door, waited a second or two, and then called out "Dad? CJ?"

Once, when he was twelve, Derrick had used the words he heard his father utter under his breath. It cost him everything in his moneybox and a week's grounding.

After a few more seconds, his father said, "Come in."

His father still held CJ in his arms, but the skirt was now in place, except for a small fold at the hem. She was blushing furiously and moved away from her husband. Paul tried to hold her in place but she insisted on separating.

When she did, Derrick realized that his father had wanted her in front of him to hide his very obvious arousal; however, once she moved away, the man made no effort to reach for a book or anything. His mien said to his son, "You know what was going on. I know that you know what was going on. You know that I know that you know what was going on."

Derrick explained that he wanted to take Paddy with him for the afternoon. They would have lunch, perhaps even dinner, and do some sightseeing. Would it be okay?

No, CJ didn't have to come get Paddy's jack et, they could manage themselves, see themselves out of the house.

"Just go back to whatever you were doing," he flashed them a brilliant smile. "If Caitlin were older or if I knew more about babies, I'd take her off your hands also."

When Paul had asked CJ to join him in his study earlier that morning, it was to have the "serious discussion" about his role in caring for the children. He told her that when he married her, he married the lot of them. He told her that Danny would always be in their lives, that Paddy and Caitlin would always have his name, his religion, would always have the pictures, the videos, the letters. But for all intents and purposes, he was now their father. Paddy and Caitlin were now his responsibility, a responsibility Danny wanted him to assume, a responsibility he wanted to assume, when he fell in love with her all over again. And to him that meant dealing with upset stomachs, crying jags, dirty diapers, doctors' appointments, on an equal basis with CJ.

"Paddy calls me Papa'. Caitlin will do the same when she learns to talk. I love it; it's what I want. Sweetheart, please stop acting as if I'm some cantankerous old uncle bothered by little ones. Or worse, as if I were a houseguest with privileges. The six of us are now family, a blended one to be sure, but a family nonetheless. Both of us need to care for all the children."

Then he smiled his loving, "all will be okay if you go along with what I say" smile, the one he used when he knew that someone was about to admit to themself that he was right; he was the consummate gracious winner. "Now tell me that I'm right and we can drop the subject and move on to much nicer things."

And she did; and they did. Until their sons came to the door they forgot was open.

After the front door shut and they heard Derrick's car drive off, they went into the family room. Caitlin was in her playpen, trying to fit the right block in the right hole on the toy. They put Aisling's disc in the DVD player and went to the bedroom. In a few minutes, they were back to where they were before they were interrupted .

The phone rang about 4:30 PM. Derrick and Paddy had been to the zoo and had taken the ferry to Sausalito and back. They had just finished eating hamburgers and were wondering if they could go to a movie (the umpteenth re-release of "Aladdin") or would that spoil dinner plans? Go and enjoy, they were told. The parents were just picking at leftovers.

Derrick and Paddy returned about 7:30 PM and it was obvious that something was wrong. They were both very quiet and Paddy was clinging to Derrick's hand as if the world would end if he let go. Then Derrick told the little boy to go to his mother.

"Dad, I really need to be by myself for a while. May I use your study?" Given mystified consent, the young man walked into the room at the front of the house and shut the door.

Paddy was sitting in CJ's lap, his face buried against her breast.

"Honey, did something happen with you and Derrick?"

"I don't know, Mama. When we left the movie there was the man who thought Derrick was someone else."

"Someone else?"

"First he asked Derrick why I was with him, so I told the man that Derrick's daddy was now my papa and that Derrick and I are brothers. I told him that Derrick's name was Derrick but the man kept calling him Nigg-".

CJ instinctively clamped her hand over Paddy's mouth. She and Paul looked at each other. "Go"," she said. _("I'll take care of the little one; you take care of the big one.")_

Paul knocked on the study door and waited . What he requested of his family, he gave back to them.

Derrick opened the door. "Dad, maybe later tonight, definitely tomorrow morning, I can talk about it, but right now, I just need to be by myself."

CJ and Paul knew that their blended family would eventually be a target for prejudice and discrimination; however, they hoped that, being in Berkeley , the probability would be less than elsewhere.

They tried to explain to Paddy what happened and why.

"What he was saying to Derrick wasn't a name like Paddy' or Maggie' or Caitlin'. It was more of a bad thing."

"Like when Carmen called Maggie a brat?"

"Yes, sort of like that, but even worse."

"Like when those bad boys from the next street called Uncle Hank a queer?"

"Bad like that, but the word that the man used is the worst bad word of all."

"But why did he say it to Derrick?"

"Because Derrick's skin is real dark."

"So? His skin is dark, mine is light. So what?"

"Well, some people think that people like Derrick and Deborah and Papa aren't as nice as people with lighter skin."

"Well, those people are just, just" he tried to think of the worst thing he could say without getting a time out, "just poopy-heads!"

Paul and CJ laughed. Then Paul picked up the little boy from CJ's lap and carried him into his room. The two of them got him into his pajamas and took turns reading to him from "The Chronicles of Narnia". When he fell asleep, they went into the darkened living room and watched the lights of the city across the bay, thinking about the other son in the room across the hall, wishing he were young enough that being read to and tucked into bed would soothe him.

An hour later, their passions rekindling, Paul knocked on the study door and told his son that they were going to bed and that he was locking up the house.

About midnight, Derrick left the study, crept into the room he was sharing with Paddy, stripped to his T-shirt and boxers, and got into bed.

"Derrick?" came the voice in the dark.

"Yeah, buddy?" he sighed.

Paddy turned on the bedside light and sat down next to his big brother.

"I'm sorry that poopy-head said that bad word to you."

In spite of himself, Derrick had to laugh. "You're right, that's what he was."

"Here." The little boy thrust a black stuffed toy dog at him. "You can sleep with Pistol tonight."

"Why?"

"Cause when Daddy found out he had to leave and go to heaven, he bought Pistol for me. He said that if I was ever sad, to hug on Pistol and it would help me to remember that Daddy loved me and wouldn't want me to be sad. Daddy wouldn't want you to be sad either." Then Paddy reached over, kissed Derrick on the cheek, and returned to his own bed, shutting off the light.

Derrick couldn't refuse, so he left the plushy black lab where Paddy had set it. When he turned onto his side, his arm happened to drape over the toy. And for some reason, he did feel better. He felt a light secure weight descend on his body, felt a stirring against his forehead. As he nodded off, he thought he caught a whiff of Estée Lauder's "Youth Dew".

_Alicia sat lightly on the bed and pulled up the cover to her son's shoulders. She brushed a kiss on his forehead and ran her fingers through his tightly curled, close-clipped hair._

"_Oh, my darling man-child, I wish I could take away all your pain."_

_Danny put an arm around her shoulder. "I guess one never stops worrying, does one?" He crossed to the other bed and kissed his son. Then he stole into the next room and did the same with his daughter._

CJ ran her hand down her husband's chest and onto his groin.

"Any chance for thirds?"

_Saturday morning November 30, 2013_

Derrick woke early and went to the bathroom. He could smell the fresh-brewed coffee and instead of returning to bed, walked into the kitchen.

His father was sitting at the table, reading. Derrick poured himself a cup, added some milk, and sat down across from the man.

Paul marked his place, closed his book, (Pierre Teilhard du Chardin's _"The Phenomenon of Man"_), and looked up.

"By myself, it wouldn't have meant jack , Dad. It was just the thought of destroying Paddy's innocence was so gut-wrenchingly sick. Up until last night, he didn't know color. Many people say they don't see color', but for Paddy, it was like the kids who are bilingual from birth and don't know English from Spanish. All they know is that eggs' and _huevos'_ are two words that mean the same thing. It's just so fucking sad, excuse me."

The older man smiled. "Well, I think that when a lot of people say they don't see color, what they mean is that they see you not as a black man but as a friend, a student, a co-worker who happens to be black. They are aware that you are black but they like you for yourself. Your blackness is part of you, but it isn't the whole of you and it isn't the primary definition of you. Nor do they expect you to be their window to the black experience'. At least, that's the way it is, always was, with CJ and me. I was the same way about her whiteness. It was **her **that attracted me that day in the bookstore, that kept attracting me, that made me fall in love with her, not her skin or her hair."

"Speaking of which, I'm sorry about yesterday morning, when I walked in on you."

"We were the ones that forgot to shut the door," his father laughed.

"She makes you happy, Dad."

"Yes, she does."

"And you make her happy."

"And how would you know about that?" His father's smile acknowledged the truth of the statement without seeming self-satisfied or smug.

"I'll take the fifth, plus I do have friends," Derrick laughed. "I mean, I don't remember seeing you like that with Mom, ever. Of course, we were only 13 when she began to be sick and maybe I didn't know what I was walking in on when I was younger. I know you loved her, that it killed you when she died and that's why you had to go off to the missions, but, as I said, I've never seen you so content, so satisfied. At Oberlin, in the frat house, you could always tell the guys that were in good relationships. Again, maybe it's just because now I see you as, as - "

"As what?"

"Well, you'll always be my father and there will always be that need to show deference and respect, but now I'm also seeing you as a friend."

Paul reached over and clasped his son's hand. Then he took a deep breath. He had to be respectful of Alicia and her wishes, but he also had to be completely honest.

"About me and your mother. You know, your grandmother Bernice was always a little too refined, too concerned with - "

"Nana was a tight ass, Dad."

"Watch your mouth, boy," Paul reacted instinctively, but he smiled just the same. "Yeah, she was. And your mother had a lot of problems with that. Some of which she rebelled against, like the way she never wore a skirt or a dress unless she absolutely had to, because her mother never let he wear pants after she turned twelve."

"And slacks don't allow the same access a skirt does, do they?" Derrick spoke without thinking.

Paul just looked at his son for a second, then laughed out loud. "No, they sure don't." Friend though he may now be, there was no need to share with his son that about three days after they returned from Calistoga, Paul had asked CJ, "if she was comfortable with it", to consider forgoing underwear with her skirts when it was just the two of them and the little kids in the house. Access, indeed.

"But the one thing your mother never got over was the idea that sex belonged only in the bedroom. She tried, in the beginning, but I could tell she wasn't comfortable, and if the woman you love isn't comfortable, then you don't really derive any pleasure from it.

"So, that is why you never caught your mother and me in a situation like you did CJ and me yesterday. But, Derrick, behind that bedroom door, your mother was everything I could have wanted , could have imagined wanting. And we were so incredibly happy until - " he stopped, looked down. When he raised his head again, his son could see the unshed tears.

"So, yes, we are having the most amazing time, these past few weeks, but I couldn't let you think that your mother was lacking in this arena."

"You remember Eric, the guy I roomed with sophomore year? I remember him saying that he wanted a girl who would be a whore in his bed and a lady everywhere else."

"Well, I'm not sure about the term whore', maybe courtesan'; and I would change bed' to bedroom', for sure", Paul smiled remembering some activities in the shower and on the floor in the house in Lexington, "but I can agree with his statement."

"_I tried so hard," Alicia said, part to herself, part to Danny, and part to Paul. "I wish I could have let go. On the beach, or in the woods, or even in the kitchen or the study. But I couldn't. And I know he was disappointed . But now – and I guess you were happy, too." She turned to Danny._

_Danny knew that Paul didn't know what he was saying that day in late January when he told Danny, after a very intense and very personal conversation about CJ, "When you get to heaven, maybe you can look after my Alicia for me." Hell, Danny didn't know about it until that day in August when it became obvious that what he had wanted for CJ and Paul would become reality and Alicia showed him the Swirling Dance. But Danny Concannon knew that a woman who had doubts, be she in heaven or on earth, needed to be reassured, and he knew the best way to reassure a doubting woman. Respecting her need for privacy, he drew her behind one of the stars in Cassiopeia's Chair, and, smiling the smile that had charmed women since he was twelve, Danny Concannon began dancing the first of the ever-tightening circles around her. _

"What statement?" CJ came into the kitchen.

"Just man talk, sweetheart."

She walked over to Derrick, ran her hand over his head and then down the side of his cheek. "That type of nasty shitehawk, as my nieces would say, aren't worth one jot of attention from you. We're family, and we know what matters. You're mine now. Keep remembering that."

That afternoon, Paul, Derrick, and Paddy went to the stadium to watch Cal play Stanford. CJ and Caitlin spent the afternoon in a shared bubble bath.

In the evening, they cinched Caitlin into her cradle carrier and went out to supper at a "family" chain restaurant. CJ couldn't remember if it was Outback or TGIFriday's, or something else, and it didn't matter. What mattered was that the whole family, except for maid-of-honor Deborah, was together.

It was an early night. Berkeley to Seattle was a twelve-hour drive and Derrick wanted to be back by 7:00 PM. His first class on Monday was at 8:00 AM.

_Sunday morning December 1, 2013_

"Drive carefully," Paul told his son.

"Are you sure you don't want another sandwich? How about some fruit? Call us when you get there." CJ was mastering the art of being a student's mother quite nicely.

"Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. Come ere, buddy." Derrick picked up Paddy and gave him a bear hug. "See you at Christmas. Keep our room neat so Santa brings us lots of presents."

_Tuesday December 17, 2013 late afternoon_

"CJ!"

She looked up and saw her stepdaughter by the United baggage claim at Oakland International Airport . Deborah had called CJ to let her know the plane had landed and to let her know that she was making her way from the gate to the baggage claim. At that point, CJ had left the "Park and Call" area, pulled into the short-term parking lot, and hade made her way to the carousel area.

The two women hugged.

"So Dad is sick?"

"Yes, he's been running a fever, has aches, a cough, the whole nine yards. Paddy caught it last week at pre-school and gave it to him. He kept saying he could come out to meet you, but when he tried to shower, he almost fainted . I told him that he needed to be completely well for his services on the 24th, not to mention all the other Christmas things going on. So he's home with an almost-well Paddy and Caitlin."

"I'm sure he must have been sick when we were growing up, but I don't really remember any of the times. Maybe Derrick does. Oh, those are mine, the ones with the neon pink ribbons on the handles."

The two women wheeled the bags to the car and drove back to the house. CJ told Deborah that while she was here, she would have the use of CJ's car. CJ would drive the minivan Paul used. (They had bought it when they realized that at times, they would need to transport four adults, Paddy in his booster seat, and Caitlin in her car seat). Paul would use the Mustang.

"Instead of all this trading around, why don't I just use the Mustang?"

"_That's right, give me a heart attack!" Danny exclaimed. He was pacing anxiously along the perimeter of the Southern Cross, as he had done since CJ had left for the airport, and would do until they reached the house in Kensington. Paul should have made her take a limo and a bonded driver to the airport to pick up Deborah._

They entered the master bedroom. Paul and Paddy were asleep on the bed. Caitlin was in her playpen on the floor, entranced by the caveman doll that her godmother had sent over from Ireland for her first birthday last month.

CJ and Deborah crept out of the bedroom and shut the door.

"Let's get your things in your room."

After Thanksgiving and Derrick's easy acceptance of "brothers share a room", they had bought a second twin bed and another dresser for Paddy's room. They had also bought a daybed and a dresser to put in the nursery for Deborah to use when she was with them. They would be keeping Caitlin in their room for the next two weeks and had moved the crib and the changing table into it. CJ had replaced the baby-themed wallpaper and lamps with something in an understated flowery feminine theme. She had bought coordinated bed linen and an area rug, some fresh flowers for the dresser, a clock radio, and a water pitcher with matching glass. There were pale coral towels, to distinguish from the cream ones for Derrick and the blue ones for Paddy, in the communal bathroom.

"I hope this will be okay. We didn't want to put cable outlets in the rooms because we didn't want the kids to have television in their rooms at such a young age. But there is a set in the living room as well as in the family room, so you and Derrick can fight over it if necessary. We may have to come in every other day or so to get some more of Caitlin's things."

Marta, the cleaning lady, had been in the house for her once a week stint yesterday, so everything should pass inspection. CJ was, she admitted , nervous.

Part of her was glad that Deborah's exams had finished up a few days before Derrick's would; it would give her a chance to bond with her grownup stepdaughter (daughter, she corrected herself. Paul wanted them to think of all four children as "theirs", at least between the two of them.) The other part of her, the part that had already reached a comfortable position with Derrick, wished that he were here to help her bond with his twin.

Deborah hugged CJ. "This is perfect. And you really didn't need to move out Caitlin. I would have been fine with her in the room." She began unpacking.

"She sometimes has a bad night. And you shouldn't be spending your break with bottles and changing diapers."

"But you and Dad need your privacy." Deborah blushed slightly. Derrick had called her after Thanksgiving and let her know that their father and CJ were obviously in love. He didn't tell her of his father's revelations about his sex life with their mother. To Derrick, that was a "man to man" talk; the relationship between a father and son was different from that between a father and daughter. His father would have to decide what he wanted to share with Deborah.

CJ laughed easily. "We have ways of helping her to sleep when we want to not be interrupted . And Danny and I spent several vacation weeks with Paddy in the same room. It didn't seem to hurt him any." Then she realized what she had said and to whom she had said it. She suddenly felt uncomfortable. She wanted to be friends with this girl, but she was not ready to discuss her and her husband's sex life with said husband's daughter. "I'm going to check on my patients. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen."

A few seconds later, she returned to Caitlin's, now Deborah's, room. "Your father's awake."

The two of them entered the master bedroom. Deborah bent down to kiss her father.

"Hi, baby. I'm glad you're here." He did feel warm to her, sounded a bit hoarse.

"Deborah!" Paddy leaped up and hugged her. "You're here! Santa's bringing the tree! We bought you soap and bubbles for Christmas! It's a surprise!"

She remembered that as little children, she and Derrick were told that they were special and that Santa Claus would bring and decorate their tree for them on Christmas Eve. That was why they didn't have one in their house the day after Thanksgiving like all their friends. That was also why their tree stayed up until mid-January, whereas their neighbors' trees in Lexington were out on the sidewalk for pickup very soon after Christmas, some as early as the night of December 25, most by New Year's. She was glad that her father and CJ had decided to continue the custom with Paddy.

The "sickies" were happy with soup and toast for supper. CJ ran out to the local Safeway for salad bar salad and a roasted chicken for her and Deborah. By 7:30 PM, Deborah apologized, but she was dead tired.

"It's 10:30 for you." CJ said she understood.

_Wednesday December 18 12:30 PM_

CJ took a tray with ginger ale, chicken soup, and Jell-O into the master bedroom and placed it over her husband's lap.

He took hold of her hand and kissed it. "You spoil me."

She sat next to him and felt his forehead, then kissed it. "You feel almost normal. And you deserve it. Derrick called; he should get here between 9:00 and 10:00 tonight. Deborah's still in bed; I'm just a little concerned. I mean, it's mid-afternoon for her."

"They always did sleep round the clock the first day after the end of a term. Stress release after all the finals and papers. Derrick will do the same thing tomorrow. Which is a good thing, since she'll tie up the bathroom spending a lot of time in the tub with one of those bodice ripper novels. How's Paddy?"

"All better. I can't decide if he's more excited about Derrick coming in tonight or Billy Marshall's birthday party tomorrow afternoon."

Derrick made it in by 9:30, just as Paddy was nodding off. CJ heated up the leftover lasagna that had been their supper.

_Thursday December 19, 2013_

Derrick did spend the day asleep, as his sister did the day before. Paddy was disappointed until time to leave for the movie and pizza party for the Marshall boy's birthday. CJ had volunteered to help Amy Marshall with the party, but when she mentioned that her husband was ill, Amy told her not to bother, there were several other mothers coming. ("You poor thing! I'd rather take care of five sick kids than one sick husband! They can be so clinging!")

Deborah came out for breakfast, then did plant herself in the tub with a Beatrice Small tome.

CJ entered the bedroom with the intention of taking away Paul's lunch tray.

"Close the door and lock it."

She turned around to see her husband smiling at her.

"Oh?"

"It's been four days."

"Caitlin - "

"Is sound asleep. She always is when she wears that sleeper with the Aztec print that Aisling gave her. It's been four days." His smile grew bigger as she approached the bed.

"And you have the strength to - "

He pulled her down onto the bed.

"That's why I taught you to ride all those years ago. I can be lazy." He kissed her. "I'm glad I bought you these tops with the built-in bras. It's one less thing to take off." He kissed her again.

It was amazing how just the sound of his voice could make her ready to receive him.

"And these aren't needed." He pulled off her panties, pulled her over his groin, freed himself from his boxers, and helped her to lower herself onto him.

There was something incredibly erotic about feeling what was going on under her skirt but not seeing it.

"So I'm doing all the work," she said, reaching down to kiss him.

"Not quite all." His left hand controlled her hip, helping her to find the right rhythm. His right fingers rested on her other hip. "I'll be doing this." He moved his right thumb counter-clockwise around her core. "Or this." He reversed the rotation. "Or maybe this." He moved the thumb up and down right over the throbbing part of her.

She gasped and responded. Some things, they remembered from the first time in the 1980's; some things, they had learned since then and were teaching other. Both were fun.

She climaxed once, then he did. Then he brought her to completion again. Finally, she collapsed on his chest.

"I think I can eat dinner at the table tonight."

_Friday December 20, 2013_

After sharing a delivery pizza, CJ, Derrick, and Paddy were at the dining room table working on the Christmas cards. Paul had taken Deborah into San Francisco for lunch.

The Reeves had always sent a family picture card. CJ and Danny had always sent greeting cards. They spent a lot of time picking out three different cards each year: a very religious one for those for whom "Jesus is the reason for the season", a more "secular Christmas" one for those who were not that religious but were nominally Christian, and a "Season's Greetings" one for the others on their list.

CJ and Paul had decided to include a picture inside one of two greeting cards, a "Christmas" one and a " Holiday " one, both with a "Peace" theme. The picture was one taken of the six of them at the wedding. Paul, Derrick, and Paddy looked very handsome in their tuxedos. CJ, seated next to her new husband, had worn a cream-colored lace suit and Deborah wore a green tea-length sundress with a matching jack et. Caitlin, seated on Paul's lap, had on a pink pinafore with a white blouse. Paddy stood next to CJ and the twins were standing behind the others. They had already signed the cards with their names and those of the four kids.

They had planned to send them earlier in the week, but Paul's illness delayed that plan.

CJ was stuffing the envelopes with the cards and pictures. Derrick was sticking on the address labels and stuffing in the appropriate letter (one written by Paul for his and Alicia's friends, one by CJ for hers and Danny's), explaining to those who had not yet heard the news, the story of the past year.

"_And so we ask you to share in our joy as from the sorrow of our individual tragedies, God has given us a second chance at the happiness we shared so many years ago, and we ask for your prayers and good thoughts as we combine ourselves into a new family." _

Paddy was in charge of putting the return address labels on the envelopes. They had had to print them themselves; they hadn't been at the Kensington house long enough to get labels from the various and sundry charities. All three of them would do the stamps.

CJ showed Derrick the religious card that Danny had picked out for last year. On the front was a newborn's footprint in grey, with the words "_For unto us is born this day"._ On the inside, there was a grey handprint with a red splotch in the middle of the palm. The verse was completed _"a savior who is Christ the Lord." _

"He always addressed them by hand; he had the best penmanship. And he always included a hand-written note on the letter."

"_Labels! I never used address labels; I always wrote out the addresses_. _At least, the cards aren't pre-printed with the names," Danny grumbled._

"_But they're sending out your list and our list; that's twice as many cards," Alicia countered. "Come on, there's caroling and hot chocolate with whipped cream on Betelgeuse."_

"So your father and Deborah do this every year?"

"Ever since we were about eight, he would take her to lunch at a really nice place on one of the vacation days before Christmas. When we lived in Lexington , he would take her up to Cincinnati , maybe to Louisville , someplace that still had a real "downtown". Father-daughter bonding. He mentioned last night that he couldn't wait until Caitlin was old enough for it. He had been sad because he knew that eventually, Deborah would have her own life and it would stop. Now he has another daughter to take to lunch at Christmas."

He didn't want to tell her the rest of the reason for the trip, in case his father was going to continue the tradition. In addition to eating lunch in a fancy restaurant, with starched table linen, fine china and crystal, and gilded flatware, they would purchase the piece of jewelry and the clothing ensemble that would be Paul's Christmas gifts for Alicia. There were always smaller presents such as various items scented with her perfume, a bottle of the perfume, maybe even a "practical" item, but the jewelry and the clothing were constants.

"And you never felt left out?" CJ asked.

"Get dressed up in a Sunday outfit, a suit and tie, dress shoes, eat in a fancy place where I had to be careful of my manners, and look at women's clothes? No, I stayed home and helped Mom decorate the cookies. That was our tradition."

"Well, I'm not big on baking and decorating cookies, but maybe we can make doing the cards our tradition. That and eating pizza."

After eating lunch in the Garden Court restaurant in the Palace Hotel, Paul and Deborah were shopping in Union Square for CJ.

Paul confessed to Deborah that he wasn't sure he was comfortable buying CJ jewelry.

"Danny always gave her such stunning stuff. He and Josh Lyman made a contest out of it, trying to one up each other with the things they would buy for their wives. I'm way out of that league."

Deborah told him about the bracelet worn by the mother of her roommate's groom. "It was a charm bracelet and there was a stone for each member of the family that hooked onto the links with a lobster clasp. We could see if someone here has the concept in stock. We'd need two citrines for her and Caitlin, two aquamarines for Derrick and me, and, since you and Paddy were both born in June, two pearls."

As it turned out, Tiffany's had the bracelet and the charms.

Next, they picked out a cashmere sweater and cape set in Macy's.

Then Deborah asked if they could split up for about 90 minutes. She had a few last minute things she wanted to buy. Paul agreed; there were a few things he wanted to buy without his daughter's assistance. They set up a time and a place to meet. As she headed off to find the Gap, Paul headed toward the exclusive lingerie shop he had contacted three weeks ago.

_Saturday December 21, 2013_

They all piled into the minivan and drove up to Napa to see CJ's brother and his family. After a late lunch of lasagna, eggplant parmesan, salad, garlic bread, and ricotta cheesecake, they drove home and then drove all around the town, checking out the lights in the various neighborhoods.

Between two church services and professional football, Sunday was booked solid.

_Monday December 23, 2013_

Derrick took Paddy with him to do his Christmas shopping. ("We single men always wait until pretty much the last minute.")

They had given Paddy some chores (taking the labels from the cans before putting them in the recycle bin, sweeping the porches, helping to sort the laundry by color) in order to "earn" some money for Christmas presents. The child ended up with a little over $60.00. CJ and Paul "encouraged" him to set aside a little of it for the Salvation Army kettle and to buy a toy for one of the children on the church Giving Tree.

Derrick helped him pick out some sterling earrings for his mother and Deborah, a new rattle for Caitlin, and some socks for his Papa. (Before they left the house, Paddy gave Deborah $10.00 and asked her to buy Derrick some socks so he would have a present for his brother.)

_Danny thought back to last January. He had told Paul that he was setting aside some money so the kids would be able to buy CJ presents for her birthday and for Christmas. _

_He was taken aback by the minister's reaction. If he and CJ were to marry, Paul told Danny, he would see to it that the children had presents to give their mother. Paul told him that the trust funds for their education, or other use after they reached adulthood, were one thing. It was good that Paddy and Caitlin could attend any college or university to which they could gain admittance without worrying about the cost. But the normal expenses of living would be an entirely different matter. That would be his responsibility._

_Danny realized that he had been out of line and apologized. Later, he contacted Josh and gave him the funds. As long as CJ remained unmarried, Josh would see to it that she received the type of gifts from the children that Danny had given her since their marriage._

_Now, Danny realized that Paul's approach to the gift situation was a much better one. The presents were much more age-appropriate than the expensive jewelry and clothing that Danny envisioned. And Paddy was learning that working in order to give someone you loved a gift was a good thing. The man was an excellent father for his kids._

Derrick and Paddy stopped in the Dollar Tree and bought some gift bags, tissue paper, and tags. Single men didn't tape and wrap and play with bows.

_Tuesday December 24, 2013_

Paul, Alicia and the twins always ate their big meal (turkey breast with the usual accompaniments) on Christmas Eve, after the evening service. On Christmas day, they had a pre-cooked spiral-sliced ham, but it was pretty much pick as you go.

But this year, there would be two church services: the 7:30 PM service at University Christian at which Paul would be preaching and then the midnight Mass (well, 10:00 PM Mass) at CJ's parish.

CJ's mother's mother was Italian-American and the Creggs had adopted the Italian custom of having seafood on Christmas Eve. CJ and Danny continued it. The Creggs didn't do the traditional seven courses ("But Gina's family does.") However, whatever they had, it consisted of fish or shellfish. On Christmas day, CJ and Danny had their own turkey meal, the one they never had on their own at Thanksgiving.

This year, they had shrimp and vegetable tempura before the services. On Christmas day, they would have the traditional turkey meal, but with just the breast and not the entire turkey. They would eat ham on the 26th.

After the two services, they put the sleeping Paddy and Caitlin to bed, then brought in the tree from its hiding place in the garage, set up the tree in the living room, and decorated it. Derrick helped Paul with the train set around the trunk of the tree, the tricycle and the wagon while CJ and Deborah put the rest of the presents under the tree. By 1:00 AM, CJ and Deborah were exhausted and went to their beds. Paul and Derrick were still playing with the train, proving that there is no such thing as a grown man, only big boys.

_Wednesday December 25, 2013_

It was nice to be awakened by kisses all over your face and hearing your wife's voice whispering "Merry Christmas, darling." Particularly if said wife was dead to the world when you finally had enough of playing with the train set that theoretically was a present for the little boy down the hall and had come to bed at 2:00 AM.

She was wearing one of his T-shirts, probably the one he had discarded when he showered yesterday afternoon before church. He smiled at the thought of what she would unwrap later this morning. He was erect, but it wasn't all desire for her. He eased his way onto his knees and moved toward the edge of the bed.

"Don't. Move. Stay. Right. There." He kissed her after each word.

"So that's not me, that's just a full bladder?" she joked.

"It's both, but it will be better without the need to go," he laughed as he went into their bathroom.

She watched him walk back to the bed. He was wearing the pale blue pajama bottoms, and she could see that relieving himself had not deflated him in the slightest.

He had divested her of his T-shirt and was about to remove his pajamas when they were interrupted .

Thirty minutes earlier, Deborah had silently opened the door to the other bedroom and woke her twin, taking care not to disturb Paddy. They went to the kitchen, shutting the door to the bedroom wing.

They worked well as a team, having done this before and having scoped out the kitchen when no one was looking. He cut crusts from bread, spread one side with whipped butter, sugar, and cinnamon, and baked them in the oven while she prepared hot chocolate. They set up a tray with 5 cups, a small bottle filled with juice, napkins, and the pot of hot chocolate. They made their way back to the bedrooms, stopping off to wake Paddy.

His big sister had a whole bunch of plastic candles with little white lights on her head. His big brother wore a pair of reindeer antlers.

"You look funny!" the little boy exclaimed.

"Sshh!" they told him. "It's a surprise. Here." They put a Santa hat with a lighted white puff on his head and the three of them headed toward the closed door of the master bedroom.

Then Derrick and Deborah started singing.

"_We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas,_

_We wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!"_

As a new husband, Paul groaned in frustration. As a father, his heart swelled. Ever since they were eight years old, Deborah and Derrick had awakened Alicia and him on Christmas morning with singing and breakfast. They had continued the custom after Alicia had died, when he was in missionary work and had come back to his sister-in-law's house for the holiday. For them to continue it now was the ultimate sign that they accepted CJ and the children, that they saw themselves as part of the new family.

"Where's the T-shirt?" he asked. She hurriedly put something on and pulled the covers up over her legs.

He sang the response that would signal permission to enter the room.

"_Good tidings to you, wherever you are_

_Good tidings for Christmas, and a Happy New Year!"_

Deborah, wearing the St. Lucy crown that, by tradition, should have been worn on December 13, came in with the tray. Derrick stopped by the crib to pick up Caitlin and stuck a "red nose" on her little one.

CJ laughed and clapped her hands. Then she pulled out her phone and took pictures of everyone.

"Merry Christmas, Daddy." Deborah kissed her father and set the tray carefully on his lap.

"Merry Christmas, CJ." Derrick kissed his stepmother's cheek and handed her the baby. Then he stopped Paddy from jumping on the bed and spilling the contents of the tray. "Sit down gently."

Then the six of them sat on the bed, eating cinnamon toast and drinking hot chocolate. Some liquid was spilled, some crumbs made their way under the covers, but CJ and Paul didn't care. Paddy was so excited he didn't notice Deborah sneaking out of the room.

Five minutes later, Derrick said, "What's that I hear?"

"It sounds like bells!" Paul said. "I think Santa has been here!"

Paddy leapt off the bed and ran to the family room. There were some footprints on the runner that someone had thoughtfully put by the fireplace and the milk and cookies were gone. "Where's the tree? Where's the presents?" He ran to the front of the house. "It's in the living room!"

After Paddy tore through his toys, the rest of them opened their packages. CJ loved the sweater set and the bracelet and let Paul know with big kisses. He responded the same way when he opened the rare autographed copies of Thomas Merton's works (President Bartlet still had great "pull") and the pocket watch with a miniature copy of the family wedding/Christmas picture in the cover. There were CDs for Derrick and Deborah, clothes, and gift cards. CJ also gave each of them an autographed set of Danny's books. She only had ten sets left when he had died.

Then there were two packages for CJ with "Santa" on the "from" line.

The first one contained three silk and lace sleeping T-shirts in peach, teal, and bronze. They would reach her mid-thigh when worn.

When he and CJ married, she had with her several full-length negligees, which she wore on a regular basis, especially when they had spent the day in "anticipation". But she also tended to sleep in his undershirts and T-shirts, always taking something out of the dirty clothes hamper.

"Not that I mind you wearing mine," Paul laughed. "But these are nice in their own way."

Then she opened the second box. And stared. "Oh."

The one Abbey had given her had been midnight blue. This one was the bluish green of a blue spruce tree.

The one Abbey had given her tied on the left shoulder. This one tied on the right.

The one Abbey had given her had little buttons under the left arm down to the hip. This one had little ties under the right arm.

"It's beautiful," she said. "Thank you." And she kissed him again.

He sensed that something was amiss, but would have to ask her about it later.

Deborah mentioned that he seemed to have done very well for someone who hadn't any experience in purchasing lingerie. Little did she know.

He had known as soon as he met Alicia, that last year at Yale, that she was the woman for him, and pursued her vigilantly. When she told him that her father's mother had extracted a deathbed promise that she would remain a virgin until her wedding night, he told her that he would respect her need to keep her word, but he wanted to get married as soon as possible after he received his degree and began his assignment in West Virginia . "Thank God it's only six months," he laughed.

Her mother's family was descended from the _gens du couleur_ of ante-bellum New Orleans . Somewhere along the way, they had abandoned Roman Catholicism for High Episcopalianism ("All the ritual and fun without any of the guilt", Alicia was fond of saying). Her Tennessee-born father, a farm laborer's son, had leveraged a football scholarship with Joe Paterno at Penn State into Academic All-American status and an NCAA post-graduate fellowship, had earned a Ph.D. at Vanderbilt, and now taught Spanish language and literature at Princeton . Her very proper mother insisted on a very proper, very "Emily Post" wedding and Alicia acquiesced. "It's just easier," Alicia said. "And she can pull it off in six months."

They would be flying to Bermuda for their honeymoon on Monday afternoon, but would spend Saturday night and Sunday in New York . His fraternity brothers had chipped in for a limousine to take them from the reception at the Princeton Faculty Club to the city.

When they reached the room and he had tipped the bell cap and dismissed the man, he removed his suit jack et and tie, then reached over and took off the hat her mother insisted that she wear as part of her "going away" ensemble. He held her gently by the shoulders and kissed her forehead.

"I suppose I should go change," she said.

He remembered what the guys at the house at Dartmouth had taught him. "Unless she is comfortable doing it, or having it done to her, you won't enjoy it."

"Only if you want to, Alicia," he whispered into her ear. "The only thing we have to do is catch the plane on Monday. And not even that, if you don't want to go."

But she just smiled shyly, picked up a small case, and went into the bathroom.

He took off his dress shirt, his shoes, and his socks. Then he opened the champagne and filled two flutes.

The bathroom door opened. He turned around. And stared.

He expected to find her in something long, flowing, and white. It was what he assumed his new mother-in-law would have picked out as the "proper thing".

She was wearing a camisole and what he later found out were called tap pants. The silk was a bright red, slightly on the orange side as opposed to the purple.

"Wow!" he couldn't help himself.

"You like?" she asked, smiling.

"I do. But I can't imagine your mother choosing that for you."

She walked up to him, put her arms around him, and kissed him deeply. "She didn't. I did. The last thing my mother said to me before we left the reception is that once the bedroom door is closed, there are no rules." (He had always wondered why Joe never gave the impression of being "hen-pecked", even though Bernice seemed to dominate the relationship. Now he had some insight.) "And these things make me feel good about myself. I'm not the type for long, flowing things, for lots of fabric. I like minimal, I like functional, and I like it when minimal and functional are also pretty. After today, you're not going to see me in a dress or a skirt unless it's a wedding, a funeral, or your job depends on my wearing one. In that respect, I'll never be my mother's daughter again."

Then she pulled him toward the bed and looked directly into his eyes. "My father knew about my promise to his mother. The last thing my father said to me before we left was that he was not going to worry about me tonight because he knew that you were a good man and you loved me; therefore, he said, I shouldn't worry about anything either. And I'm not worried, I'm not scared. I'm a little nervous because although I've read the books, I'm smart enough to know that book learning isn't quite the same as the real thing. I waited because I told my Meemaw I would wait. But I don't have to wait any longer." And she sat on the edge of the bed, unbuckled his belt and lowered the zipper of his pants.

He joined her on the bed. "Why don't you show me what you learned in those books and then I'll show you the reality."

And every Christmas and every birthday, he had bought her those pieces, some in silk, some in satin, some in the finest lawn cotton. Some had ribbons, some had lace, some had synthetic fur and feather trim. Once, as a joke, he bought her something more tawdry than tasteful and laughed in amazement when she wore it, acting the part of the "bought and paid for woman" who might wear such things. But he always gave her the box behind the door where she could ignore everything her mother had imbued in her.

He told Deborah that he had plenty of experience with purchasing lingerie. "Your mother was a very private person. She preferred opening such packages without the two of you around."

Later that day, after dinner, he found CJ alone in their bedroom and asked her about her reaction to the nightgown.

"Something hit you funny, sweetheart. I could feel it."

She told him about that first full day she had spent with Danny, the gift from Abbey, and the revelation about John Hoynes.

He kissed her. "I'll take it back." He told her he understood, and he did. He would never buy her camisoles and tap pants. Actually, it was a good thing she preferred the gowns and shirts. As Derrick said, access was important.

"No," she responded, kissing him back. "It's not an issue; it just brought back memories for a second. I like wearing nightgowns with you and I love the one you bought. I mean, you wore suits before, and I like you in suits. We can't avoid absolutely everything we ever experienced with Alicia and Danny." But she would never wear the top half of a pair of men's pajamas again.

_Danny was about to pull Alicia into their secret place in Cassiopeia's Chair and slip his hand underneath the tap pants that suddenly appeared on her, (he didn't think there were any access problems), when Mariah came up to them._

"_Come on, it's time for the party. There's cake and ice cream by The Crater. Then we'll play "Pin the Tail on the Goat."_

"_Party? What party?" Danny asked._

_Mariah gave him one of those "Wow, are you dumb!" looks he remembered from CJ. _

"_It's my Boy's birthday."_

"_Oh," Danny felt like an idiot. "But why are we pinning the tail on the goat?"_

"_Jesus is a Capricorn."_

_Danny decided that Alicia, the secret place, and the tap pants had best wait. _

That evening, the family settled down to watch "A Christmas Story" and "A Charlie Brown Christmas" before Paddy fell asleep, then "Miracle on 34th Street " afterward. CJ was chilly and pulled a throw up over her shoulders. Paul snuck his hand underneath and felt her up throughout the movies.

_Friday December 27, 2013_

Derrick and Deborah were going to Tahoe. One of her classmates from Miami of Ohio was at Berkeley and had rented a cabin with a group of friends. When she found out that Deborah was in town, she invited Deborah and her brother to join them. The timing was good; Hogan had flown up from San Diego for the day.

Deborah told her father to return Caitlin's crib and things to her room. When they returned from their long weekend in the Sierras, it would be no problem to have the baby in with her for the next few days.

"And if she's a problem, it will just remind me that I don't want to start on the road to motherhood until I'm married," the girl laughed.

"_We were so afraid that she might go the way of some of her friends," Alicia told Danny._

Paddy wanted to go along.

"I'm sorry, Paddy, this is just for grown-ups. You and I will have other times to do things together." It was hard to ignore the unshed tears in the boy's eyes.

CJ talked quietly with Hogan and then placed a call to Diana Muñoz. Then she consulted her husband.

"Paddy, how would you like to go down to Santa Monica and stay with Maggie, Aunt Diana, and Uncle Frank for a few days?"

And Paddy had no more desire to go with his brother.

_Wednesday January 1, 2014_

Derrick and Deborah hugged and kissed everyone. She would be driving up to Seattle to spend a few days with her twin before flying back to New York .

"Will we see you in April for Easter?" CJ asked Deborah. "Or before? You know you're welcome at any time."

Paul and CJ stood arm in arm, Caitlin in her other arm, Paddy by his side. They waved to the departing twins.

"Well, that was a very good Christmas. I enjoyed having them here. I think we're going to work out okay," CJ said.

"Yes, it was. So did I. I think we will," her husband replied. Then he whispered into her ear. "But now that they're gone, go take off that useless underwear."

----------------------------------------------

Breakfast Ramekins from "The Kentucky Derby Museum Cookbook"

Butter

Ham, cooked and cut into small pieces

Cheese (almost any kind), cut into cubes

Eggs

Salt and fresh ground pepper

Heavy cream

3 inch ramekins, 1 per serving

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter each ramekin. Layer bottom of each ramekin with ham and cheese, top with one egg, and salt and pepper to taste. Add cream to each ramekin to completely cover the other ingredients. (These can be prepared in advance and refrigerated .)

Fifteen to thirty minutes before serving time, put the ramekins in a baking pan with one inch of boiling water. Bake for 15-30 minutes (depending on number of ramekins), testing for cooked but soft egg center. May be served with toast points.


	3. What's A Heaven For?

**What's a Heaven For?**

(with apologies to Robert Browning)

CJ, Danny, Josh, Donna, Sam, OMCs, OFCs

Rating Adult

Spoilers through end of series; may also contain things that will end up in future chapters of "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

_Gemini constellation, Earth timemark June 15, 2013 _

_Ted Williams hit a line drive past first base. Roberto Clemente neatly fielded the ball and threw it to Danny Concannon at first base, who caught it, tagged the base, turned, and threw to Jackie Robinson at second. Babe Ruth was a second too late. Double Play! Yes!_

_Team Press won 9-8. Now **this** is fantasy baseball! Billy Price, Ernie Pyle, and the others all high-fived each other. (Of course, Simon Donovan, Molly O'Connor and the other members of Team Secret Service were also high-fiving each other; in **their** fantasy, Ted and the Babe had scored and they won the game.)_

_Danny walked over to the stand where his boys and Pistol were sitting with Brianna, Hugh, and Jemmie. (How did they manage, he wondered. Ah well, that was between the three of them and God.) The boys gave him high fives. (Danielle was having tea with Diana, Princess of Wales and Grace, Her Serene Highness the Princess of Monaco.)_

"_You play good for a white boy."_

_He turned around to see a black woman (he had no idea of her nationality, so he wasn't about to call her "African-American") of medium height, with high cheekbones and chocolate eyes. She looked vaguely familiar, but then, there were so many people in heaven that he knew (or knew of.)_

"_Hi, Alicia!" Damian (at least, he was pretty sure it was Damian, the one with the cowlick that bent to the left) greeted the woman. _

_Alicia. Paul's wife. He remembered her from the pictures. Now that he looked closer, he could see in her the features of the face of her daughter._

"_Shouldn't you be calling her Mrs. Reeves?" Danny asked the boy._

"_Danny, lad, there are no titles in heaven!" Brianna laughed, "Well, except for the Big Three, to be sure."_

_He held out his hand, then took it back. "I'm sorry, I'm all sweaty and grimy. I need to shower, change - " He suddenly caught a whiff of soap, of a light cologne, and saw that he was in a neatly pressed pair of khaki shorts, a blue shirt, and sandals. Oh, yeah, up here, wishing made it so. He offered his hand again. "I'm sorry I didn't ask about you yet, I just - "_

_The woman grabbed him in a hug. He caught a scent of one of the perfumes that Erin and all her friends wore when they were teenagers. Not "Ambush", the other one, the one they referred to by the brand name, some French-sounding name. "I know, you just got out of Time Out a couple of days ago, you're still catching up. And a handshake won't do it. Paul **did** ask you to look out for me, didn't he?"_

_Heaven was nothing like what the nuns and priests said it would be like._

_When he finally let go, releasing CJ's hand, back in February, and Pistol came bounding out of the clouds, he first met his sons, then the daughter they never knew had been conceived. His parents were there to greet him, and he met CJ's mother and father. Leo, Fitz, and Mrs. Landingham joined the group around him. _

_Then Mariah came to him and took him to meet her Boy. After some time of being bathed in the warmth and the light, he thought to ask about St. Peter and the list of sins. _

"_Don't be worrying about that just now," he was told._

_For the next few weeks, he alternated between the sheer joy of being in heaven with his old friends and family and the pain of witnessing the sorrow of those he left behind._

_He played poker with Ben Franklin, H.L. Mencken, Ernie Pyle, and Mark Twain. He argued politics with Plato, Machiavelli, Richelieu, and Disraeli. _

_He could watch everything that was happening back on earth. He got to attend his own funeral and was touched by the many tributes paid to him. He saw Sam and Josh break down in each other's arms after Jed Bartlet's eulogy. _

_He saw Paddy curled up with the toy dog Danny had bought him just before Christmas, his head in little Maggie's lap, tears staining his sleeping face, his thumb in his mouth. _

_He saw CJ, his beloved CJ, as gracious and dignified as royalty, or a Kennedy, in public, but breaking down each night when she was alone. _

_He hurt for Erin when his sister wailed as if she had been possessed by a banshee, when not even the strong arms of her beloved Robin could bring her solace._

_And whenever it seemed that things were getting to be too much for CJ, he was able to go down to her, whisper his love into her ear, brush a kiss against her lips, and stroke her hair._

_Then, when it was March first on earth, St.Peter came for him. "Danny, it's time."_

_It was like going to Confession, except that instead of talking with a priest representing God, you were confessing to God Himself. He found himself remembering every time he was cruel, or mean, or thoughtless, or selfish. He remembered every time he could have been kinder or gentler, every time he could have helped but didn't._

"_So now what happens?"_

"_You go off for a while, by yourself, and think about it. You won't be able to be with anyone here and you won't be able to visit there. Let's say, until it's your birthday on earth."_

"_So Purgatory is basically a time out?"_

_God laughed. _

February-early June, 2013 Santa Monica CA

She managed okay for a few weeks after the funeral. The only thing that seemed out of the ordinary to those caring for her, caring about her, was the sheets.

After the funeral home had taken Danny's body, she was crying so hard, she began retching. Diana and Donna took her into the bathroom and helped her clean up. When they returned to the bedroom, they sat her in the chair and began to change the bed.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" she screamed, jumping out of the chair. "Don't touch that bed!"

Her screams brought Josh, Frank, and Paul into the bedroom.

"What is it, CJ?" Paul put his arm around her.

"Don't let them change the bed!"

"No, sweetheart, no one's going to touch the bed except you." He looked at the women.

"Paul, this is a - " Diana pointed helplessly at the bed. A dying body is not exactly the neatest, cleanest thing in the world and the bed was stained and foul-smelling.

"She doesn't want the bed touched. Don't touch it."

"But, Paul," Donna chimed in. "She can't - "

"Donna, Diana, she can do whatever she wants, not do whatever she doesn't want. Please. None of you," he looked at the others "have lost a spouse. You don't know what she's going through. I do. If she wants the bed left as it is, leave the bed as it is."

"Don't let them touch it," CJ sobbed into his chest.

"Nobody's going to touch the bed, CJ". He sat down on the chair, pulled her into his lap. The two couples looked at him, looked at each other, and left the room.

"Locks," CJ said, lifting her head from his shoulder. "I need to get locks, keep them out!"

"Sweetheart, now that they know, I don't think they'll try to - "

"Locks!" she screamed.

"Okay, I'll get locks."

And after she fell into a fitful sleep, he managed to ease himself out from underneath her, and arranged for a locksmith to put keyed locks on both bedroom doors and the door to the patio. He gave her the keys, not telling her that he kept a set for himself and had sets made for Hank and Steve and for Frank and Diana.

After the funeral, when her brothers had returned to their homes, when Josh and Donna were needed in Washington, when Robin had taken his grieving wife back to Ireland, she appeared to be okay. She cared for Paddy and Caitlin. She answered questions about "Road to a Better World" for Franklin Hollis, who was taking charge until he could find a new CEO. She wrote long hand letters of thanks for every sympathy card, for every floral arrangement, for every Mass bequest, for every donation to the Daniel Concannon Memorial Scholarship at Notre Dame.

The only times she cried were when she was alone with Paul and when she was alone in the bed still made with the sheets on which Danny had last held her, last told her he loved her.

Then, at the beginning of March, she went into a tailspin.

Paul had gone back to DC for a few days to pack up his things in the parsonage and put them in storage. When he returned, Diana told him that CJ wasn't answering the phone or the door.

"When Hank finally got into the house this morning, well, the kids were clean and fed, but there was trash spilling out of the cans, dirty dishes all over the place, Caitlin's dirty diapers were just piled up on the nursery floor, she looks and smells as if she hasn't seen hairbrush, toothbrush, or washcloth in some time. I don't think she's been drinking, but neither do I think she's been eating. We asked her if we could take the kids, and she said 'Whatever'. If you hadn't been coming back today, we probably would have done something by force, but Frank suggested we wait for you."

He went to the house and let himself into the dwelling. He found her in the bedroom, crouched on the bed, holding some of Danny's things (She hadn't let them empty the hamper or touch the towels in the master bath, either.)

"CJ?"

"Are you going to tell me I need to get a grip on myself like everyone else has? That I have responsibilities to my children? Then get the hell out, just like I told them!"

"No, I'm not, CJ. Remember, I'm the one that abandoned my grieving kids to their aunt and ran halfway around the world because I hurt so much. I'm not going to make you do anything." He sat on the bed next to her. "There's no right way or wrong way to grieve. You do what you want to do, feel you have to do. Diana and Frank were right to take the kids, because those two little ones are the only responsibility you have, other than yourself, and if doing this alone is what you need, then it's what's best for them. You just sit here and talk or cry or do nothing at all and I'll just keep you company. But while you're just sitting here, why don't I brush your hair for you. Nothing fancy, just let me brush it. It might make you feel a little more comfortable." And he sat beside her, brushing her hair until she fell into a fitful sleep.

He was fairly sure what the next phase would be and called to the Muñoz house, asking that someone bring over his suitcase and an air mattress or a sleeping bag, if they had one. He changed into a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, got a washcloth and a small pan of water, and a book. He heated some chicken broth and put it in an insulated cup. He sat in the bedroom chair, read, and waited for her to wake.

She woke up, crying and moaning. He came to the bed and just held her, making no effort to stop her sobbing.

When the tears stopped and she began to rub her eyes, he lifted her chin. "I bet your eyes are sore. Why don't I put some cool water on them?" And he gently washed her eyes and the rest of her face with the cloth he had prepared.

"Maybe you'd like a drink a bit of this?" He held the cup of broth to her lips and got her to drink about 6 ounces of the warm liquid. She fell back into a fitful sleep.

Three hours later, she woke and moaned as she tried to stretch. "Hurts," she murmured.

"I bet the hot tub would feel good on those muscles. Would you like to use it?"

At her nod, he helped her to her feet, walked her to the courtyard, and helped her into the spa. Her nightgown billowed up about her in the foaming water.

"Why don't I rub your neck?" He knelt behind her and gently massaged her shoulders.

"Gotta pee."

"Then go ahead."

"In here?" He thought he heard a repressed giggle.

"Why not?"

"Okay."

After a while, he helped her back to the bedroom.

"Why don't you take off that wet nightgown and put on this terrycloth robe?"

He knew that there was a sedative prescription in the medicine cabinet, but he had no idea if she had drunk anything or taken anything, so he knew he had to wait for a while.

He helped her into the bed again and when she fell asleep, he lay down on the air mattress and nodded off.

He woke to her screaming. "Damn you, Danny! Why have you left me? Damn you! Damn you! Damn you!"

"That's it, sweetheart, scream it out. Just scream it out, scream it out." He held her and rocked her back and forth.

Later, when she was cried out, she began to talk.

"At first, it was, well, not okay, but bearable, because I could still sense him being around, could almost hear him, almost feel him. But about a week ago, that stopped. He's no longer here, he's really gone. I don't know if I was going crazy before or if I'm going crazy now, but there's a difference."

"I know. It was the same for me. And others have described the same thing."

_Danny realized that the real pain of Purgatory was knowing that your loved ones were hurting and you couldn't do anything about it; in a sense, they were paying for your sins._

"So you just get used to it, eventually?" CJ looked up at Paul.

"For me, I kind of got used to it after about a month after I thought she was no longer around. Then two months after that, one day, it was as if her spirit was around me again. For others, the feeling that the spirit has returned comes back before they have a chance to get used to it."

"So what do I do?"

"What do you want to do?"

"Nothing. I want to do nothing."

"Then it's nothing. Except, sweetheart, you might feel just a bit better if you brush your teeth?" He saw her shake her head. "Okay, then you don't have to."

For the next three days, he coddled her, giving her soup (and a peppermint tea that helped with halitosis), brushing her hair, and holding her when she cried. He couldn't get her into the shower, but he did get her into the hot tub again the second day. After the first day, he was able to give her the sedatives in the evening, and she slept through the night. She began to cry a little less and when she began to talk about Danny, he listened and encouraged her to talk more.

On the fourth day, she asked him, "So, were you as over the top as I am?"

"First of all, like I said, there are no rules, there is no expected behavior, but, yes, I was as hurt as you."

"Did you have someone to help you like you're helping me?"

"One of yours, a Maryknoll missionary brother."

The next day, she asked about the kids and wanted to see them

"I'm sure that Paddy is really missing you, but don't you think you should clean up a little, maybe a shower, put on some clothes? You don't want to frighten the little guy."

"Yeah, and this place is a mess."

While she was in the bath, he called Diana and let her know that he would be bringing CJ over to see the kids. As far as having them back in the house, they would play it by ear, see how she felt.

He walked with her up the street, left her with Diana, then returned to the house. He called Steve and Steve called Clara, Yan, Aviva, and Jessica. The six of them cleaned the kitchen, family room, living room, dining room, Paddy's room, and the nursery. They didn't touch Danny's den, the bedroom, or the master bath.

That night, CJ brought the kids back to the house. She put a portable crib and an air mattress in Paddy's room and slept there with the kids, using the master bedroom only as a dressing room and as a place for cry for Danny.

Clara's daughter was hospitalized and needed long-term care, so Clara went to stay with her. She asked Paul to housesit; he wanted to pay rent. They worked out an arrangement whereby he paid the utilities.

He spent time with CJ and the children, taking walks on the beach, taking the kids to the playground, mowing the lawn, helping with some household emergencies. He was with her, held her hand when things got rough, like dealing with the lawyers, filing the tax return, arranging for a new headstone on the grave. He dealt with the scam artists who tried to convince her that her late husband did indeed order several thousand dollars' worth of magazines, "exclusive" mint issues, vitamins, and a special family Bible. "Now why would a practicing Irish Catholic order a King James Version?" he asked the con man. "You really should do a better job of checking out your victims. The police have been notified. Now leave."

Easter came early that year, March 31, and he went with her to the Vigil services (and left with her when she broke down during the reading from Romans).

In late April, she began to attend a few social things, lunch with the women. Paul took her to the movies and to dinner one night a week.

In early May, Paddy came to him with $6.57 ("It's everything in my piggy") and asked for help in buying a card and some flowers for Mother's Day.

On May 12, Paddy handed her the card and the three carnations. "Mama, these are from me and Caitlin." (Paul told him that as a big brother, he should include his baby sister since she was too little to have any money or to talk.) Then he handed her a jewelry box. "And Uncle Josh told me to tell you this was from me and her." The box contained a gold choker.

She put the carnations in a vase on the kitchen table and the card on the refrigerator. She put the choker in her jewelry box; she never wore it.

In the middle of the month, Paul said he was going to see his son in Seattle for a few days. His daughter would also be there with her twin and they hadn't seen each other since Christmas. He asked Hank, Steve, Frank, and Diana to keep an extra eye out for her.

"Derrick, Deborah, helping her has really brought back how hard it was when your mother died, and how I just abandoned the two of you with your aunt. I really need to apologize for that. Yes, she was my wife and I was devastated, but you were, you are, my children and I owed it to you, to her, to be your father. Please forgive me."

"_Paul, beloved, remember what you told her. There are no rules, there is no set code of behavior. Please forgive yourself." She bent down to kiss the three most important people in her life as they cried in each other's arms. _

In late May, CJ moved back into her bedroom and moved Caitlin back into the nursery. But she still didn't change the sheets on the bed.

Although Danny had been given his degree and his hood at the ceremony in December, he was also honored at the main end of academic year ceremonies at USC for his academic achievements and she accepted the honors on behalf of her children.

Clara returned and Paul found a small apartment nearby, although Clara was more than willing to have him stay with her. ("I have plenty of room.") The local Disciples of Christ community learned of his presence in town and he was offered a position as summer replacement for a minister who was going to summer school in Canada.

On Danny's birthday, she visited the grave that held his ashes and the twins' bodies. "I miss you terribly, Danny Concannon. Paul says that after a while, I'll sense you again. I hope that's soon."

"_I'm here, my darling. I had to be away for a while. I'm not allowed to explain where I was but I'll always be here for you and the kids, I'll always love you, be thinking of you. Now, don't you think it's time you did away with that shrine you've made of our bed linen?"_

That evening, she changed the bed. She didn't put the used sheets or the used bath towels in the wash. Instead, she packed them away in a box and put the box in the bottom drawer of the dresser.

_Gemini constellation, Earth timemark June 15, 2013 _

_They walked away from the ball field as two other teams (Team Nuns and Team Strippers) began to play._

"_There's ballroom dancing over by Saturn. How does that sound?" Brianna asked. _

"_Sounds good to me." Danny looked down and saw that he was now wearing a white dinner jacket and tuxedo pants._

"_Me, too." The pink shorts and blouse set that Alicia was wearing was replaced by midnight blue palazzo pants and white off-the-shoulder blouse._

"_Sure thing," Hugh and Jem chorused. They were dressed similarly to Danny._

"_Then, we're off!" Brianna's kelly green cocktail dress looked stunning on her._

"_We're going to the hamburger stand!" The twins waved to the adults. Recognizing the word "hamburger", Pistol went with the boys._

June 15, 2013 Santa Monica CA

It was Paul's birthday and CJ was taking him to a play in Malibu and then late dinner at a restaurant owned by Nancy's brother Emilio.( "To thank you for everything you've done for me.") She was looking through her closet, trying to decide what to wear. Her eyes settled on the turquoise blue dress she had bought in Rehoboth four summers ago. Remembering the night she wore it to dinner and teased her husband to the end of his patience, the night Danny found the lump in her breast, she decided she wasn't ready to wear that dress. She settled on a black and white sundress with a black cotton lace shawl, black sandals with a medium heel, and silver jewelry. She started to put on the emerald-cut diamond that Danny had bought her for Paddy, then changed her mind.

When he came to fetch her for the drive to Malibu, she asked if they could take the Mustang.

"It's a beautiful night," she said, handing him the keys.

The play was a Restoration comedy and they enjoyed it very much.

"_It's good to see you laugh, darling," Danny whispered in her ear._

"_Happy birthday, beloved." Alicia brushed Paul's jaw, then turned to Danny. "This is okay, but I think that Nell Gwyn and Larry Olivier did a better job when Brianna, Hugh, Jem and I saw it last month on Mars. Too bad you were still in Time Out."_

Dinner at Casa Emilio was excellent. The service was competent and efficient, but not overbearing. While they were lingering over coffee and after-dinner liqueurs, CJ excused herself and headed toward the rest room. On the way back, she stopped to speak with the maître d' and settled the bill. She knew that Paul would not be comfortable with her paying in the main room in the presence of the other diners; he tried to fight it, but he had always been a bit of a chauvinist. But not in an offensive way, she quickly said to herself, just sometimes a little frustrating. Like Danny.

Driving back to Santa Monica, they stopped and walked for a while on the beach.

"It was a wonderful birthday. Thank you very much."

"You've been so wonderful to me. I'm the one who should be thanking you."

She reached up, and, instead of kissing his cheek, she kissed him lightly on the mouth. He responded instinctively with a more intimate kiss, holding her shoulders. Then he pulled away.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have - "

She stopped his words pulling his head to hers, answering his less platonic kiss with one of her own. Then she stroked his cheek.

When they reached her house, he unlocked the door for her and waited while she paid Carmen Muñoz. Telling her to be sure to lock up, he left, walked Carmen to her house, made small talk with her parents for a few minutes, and returned to pick up his car.

Back at his apartment, he pulled out the picture of Alicia and stared at it for a long time, tracing her face.

"_It's okay. Remember, I told you that if you found someone, to not hold back because of me. If it happens, I'll dance at your wedding. Happy birthday, my sweet Paul." She ran her fingers through his hair._

CJ and Paul began to spend more time with each other, by themselves and with the children. Paddy snapped out of his regression and wanted to do everything with "Uncle Paul". When Derrick and Deborah came for a long Independence Day weekend, Derrick and Paul took Paddy with them to a Dodgers game ("just the guys") and you would have thought it was Disneyland, Chuck-e-Cheese, and the Muppets all rolled into one. Even when the two men played tennis, they took Paddy with them, gave him the "job" of fetching the balls. ("Mama, I earned five whole green monies! Is Derrick like a cousin?") Deborah was a little more reserved, but she told CJ that she was glad to see her father so happy, "and I'm sure that Mom would be, too."

CJ began to go to the hairdresser again, started again with manicures and pedicures. She bought some new clothes.

Their kisses became more lingering. One rainy evening in late July, sitting at the beach in his car, they realized that they were necking like a pair of teenagers, laughed at themselves for a minute, then returned to the kissing.

That night, Paul again stared at Alicia's picture for a long time. He pulled out the box with the nightgown, the only one he ever bought her. It stopped two inches above her knees and was, in her words, "minimal, functional, and pretty." Several months before the end, it became too painful for her to deal with the tap pants, so she started wearing just the camisole tops. But she was embarrassed about the bruises on her upper thighs from the needles and wanted something to cover them.

He touched the silk, the lace, the ribbons. "Lissy, my Lissy, I will always love you. But I do want to try for this, and I want to do it right." With silent tears, he removed his wedding ring, kissed it, and, using the ribbons, tied it to the nightgown.

_As he fell asleep with tears drying on his face, she bent down and kissed his mouth. "And I will always love you. Go to her freely. Seven years is long enough."_

In early August, she and the children went to Virginia to spend a week with the Lymans at their home in Widewater Beach. Although they were tending to six children under the age of five, CJ and Donna managed to have several long conversations about their lives.

Donna and Josh were definitely sitting out the '14 election. Donna was one class and one thesis away from her Masters from Georgetown. She and Josh were looking forward to living year-round at the beach. Small town life would be a welcome change after sixteen years in the District. She was beginning to get interested in local politics, especially in the school district and in local environmental issues. Josh was actually thinking about practicing law, and was boning up to take the Virginia bar exam.

Carol and David came down for three days with their little girl. On the second afternoon, Josh and David took the kids (except for Caitlin) for pizza, leaving the women to themselves.

"Donna, Carol, I miss Danny terribly, but now, this week, I find I'm missing Paul," she confessed. "I'm beginning to think that Danny was right, after all. Not that I'm surprised, or anything. He usually was." CJ laughed. "But is it too soon? It's only been six months."

"CJ," Carol replied. "I can only tell you what Danny told me, right before our wedding. Leave it in God's hands, in God's time. Those of us who know and love you, who knew and loved Danny, know that if this happens, it's what Danny wanted for you. Everyone else doesn't matter. Hell, even we don't matter – just you, Paul, and the children."

"He's taken off his wedding ring," CJ looked down at her hands, the baguette band on her left, the claddagh on her right. "That's as much a statement of intention as anything."

"And you?" Donna asked. "What are your thoughts? Have you considered taking that step?"

"I'm weighing it." Then she changed the subject.

"So how's Margaret doing?"

"Examplar of efficiency, as usual. The quintessential working mother."

A week after she returned from Virginia, she woke in the middle of the night with the ache between her legs, the desire so intense it hurt.

As had happened twice since February, she reached for the battery-operated object in the back of the nightstand dresser drawer. But unlike those two times, when she reached as much satisfaction as the gadget could give her, the scream she made in half relief and half frustration was not "Danny!"

When she calmed down, she cried briefly, then got out of bed and grabbed a small scrap of velvet. She made her way to the den.

The room was still Danny's. His laptop was still on the desk, his books, his papers everywhere, his awards on the bookshelves. She looked at the triptych-style picture frame on the desk. The one on the right was a candid one taken of the two of them, the Sunday morning after their wedding. They were walking arm in arm, probably to the breakfast area. They were looking at each other. Her face evinced wonder, his awe. The middle frame held a copy of their wedding portrait. The final picture was something Abbey Bartlet had sent them. Apparently, there was a photographer in the main hall of the library when she, Danny, Toby, Charlie, Kate, and Will met with the President. He had snapped a picture of the two of them looking at each other with total joy on their faces. It must have been just after she had teased Danny about seeing if he could find a picture of Paddy for Abbey's frig.

"I love you, Danny Concannon. I will always love you. But you wanted this, and, as usual, you were right."

She removed her rings, wrapped them in the velvet jewelry bag, and set them on the desk. Later, she would put them somewhere safe, to hold for Paddy's wife – perhaps Maggie, perhaps someone else.

_Danny tried hard, and he was able to stomp down the little twinge in his heart._

"_It hurts, I know." _

_Alicia came up and put an arm around his shoulders. He had grown close to the woman in the past two months. They enjoyed doing many things with the boys, with Brianna, Hugh, and Jem, and by themselves. There really wasn't much to "look out for", as Paul had phrased it, in heaven, but he did notice that she seemed a bit more outgoing and lively when she was with him. And he enjoyed being the gentleman, helping her skip over asteroids, holding her hand as they surfed the Aurora Australis, fetching her food and drink at the ubiquitous picnics, barbeques, and cocktail parties._

"_It's going to happen; they're going to get together. It's what I wanted; it's what I fought for those last months. So why am I having these feelings?"_

"_Jealousy?"_

"_Yes, but not of him with her, not that way. Jealous that I can't be close like that with anyone anymore. There's something missing."_

_She smiled. "Why don't you come with me? I've got something to show you."_

_Mystified, he followed her into the Cat's Eye nebula._

"_Good, no one's here." She drew him into a little pocket of darkness, surrounded by colorful cloudy mist. Then she began moving in a dancing pattern, something like a hora, but not quite, something like an electric slide, but not quite, sometimes spinning around in a circle, sometimes in a zigzag pattern, but always making a circle around him. _

_He began to see flashes of color, then he began to see flashes of colors he hadn't seen before, colors beyond ultraviolet, colors beyond infrared, colors between all the colors he had known before. The spectrum of color took on a second, then a third dimension. What had been line became plane, then plane became solid. The circles she danced became smaller in circumference, closer to him. _

_And he began to move like her, circling her while she circled him. And he began to smell the differences in the colors, to taste the differences, to hear the differences, to feel the differences. He never knew that color could be like this._

_Now they were touching, the circles as tight as possible. Their bodies elongated and they began to twist in a spiral, like the two colors of a peppermint stick, like the double helix of DNA. And he was inside her and around her and she was inside him and around him. And they continued to swirl together, higher and higher, closer and closer, tighter and tighter. The colors became brighter, louder, tastier, more tactile, more aromatic. Then everything exploded in total brightness, total color, total light._

"_Was that - ?"_

"_It's called the Swirling Dance. And, yes, it's kind of the equivalent of sex but it really isn't, is it?"_

"_No,it isn't. But, still - . And you and I?"_

"_He **did** tell you to look out for me."_

"_And it's okay with Them that you and I, uh, Swirled?"_

"_Everyone's circumstances are different. Look at Hugh, Jem, and Brianna. God makes it work for them, so that she can somehow be with both of them at the same time. She was the one who told me how to start it, the dancing, told me that the rest would just happen. She also said that if history was any indication, you would be very good at it and I think she was right._

"_Oops, someone else is coming. We should leave. It's not nice to hog the glade."_

_They drifted back to the place where they tended to gather, near Sirius in Canis Major. It was the site for Rainbow Bridge. He enjoyed seeing people reunited with their pre-departed companion animals. The kids liked it because they could play with all the animals who were waiting for their people, and with all those who had no people for whom to wait. She liked it because there were always children there with the animals; she enjoyed drawing the kids and the pets._

"_So there's only one place where people go to Swirl?"_

"_Actually, once you get past the first two or three circles, you kind of build your own walls, your own private place. Those little flashes you sometimes see, what on earth we called novas, those are Swirlers when they hit the peak. I was always a very private person, blame it on my mother. Even before we had the twins, I couldn't do things outside of the bedroom. I tried, but Paul could tell I wasn't comfortable and he understood. I guess I'm still shy about – things. Some people have found other secret places, but they keep them to themselves."_

"_What I was asking before, about it being okay with Them?"_

"_Danny, we are here and our spouses are still there. Did you ever imagine that heaven would be like this? That we would have what seem to be bodies because that is what we are used to? That we would enjoy the same sort of things, or what appear to be the same sort of things, we enjoyed there? _

"_You want CJ to be happy. You saw that there was still something between the two of them, something they probably weren't conscious of, something they would not even have dreamed of acting on while she was with you. But something happened; she's no longer with you, I'm no longer with him, and we both want them to have another chance at that happiness. Don't you think that if CJ and Paul knew what happens here, they would want us to be happy? I think They know that CJ and Paul would want us to be happy, and if someone in heaven can't be happy, then what's a heaven for?"_

_Danny smiled the smile that entranced women, be they in heaven or on earth. "One thing I learned since 1998 is to never argue with a wonderful and beautiful woman when she happens to be right." He pulled her down into one of the stardust cloud beds._

"_Danny! People can see!"_

_Danny Concannon decided that there was still enough of investigative reporter in him; he would find one of those secret places where she would be comfortable with him._

September 1, 2013 Santa Monica CA

Paul was nervous, but he somehow managed to hide it.

Since the end of July, they had become closer, their kisses had become more ardent. It was all he could do to not hold her against him tightly, to not run his hand down the side of her breast, to not pull her backside against his groin and bury his mouth on the back of her neck, to not press his leg between her thighs.

Tomorrow, it would be seven months. To many people, it was not nearly enough time. To the two of them, it was. He knew that when she had taken off her rings, she had answered the question he asked when he had taken off his.

Deborah and Derrick had come to visit for Labor Day weekend before going back to graduate school. Paul had grilled shrimp and steaks for the two families on CJ's deck. Now the twins were out looking for nightlife with Drew Robinson and his fiancée; Paddy and Caitlin were down for the night. Paul and CJ were sitting on the deck in the moonlight.

"CJ, I fell in love with you thirty some years ago and part of me has never stopped loving you. God had different plans for us, different people for us. Now those plans have changed. Alicia and Danny are gone from us and what was damped down those many years ago has rekindled in my heart, and, unless I am severely mistaken, in yours. CJ, I love you. Let me take care of you, help you take care of your precious little ones, as I will let you take care of me, help me take care of my no longer little but still precious ones. CJ, will you marry me?"

She kissed him gently, then stood and took a deep breath.

"In the interests of full disclosure, after we split up, about a year later, I began again to be close with men." She told him about Ben and their on and off relationship. She told him about Toby and their intimate mental but completely non-physical relationship. She told him what she had told Danny that January Saturday night in early 2007: that she had made it a rule to never take a guy from another girl (or another guy); that she had never been with more than one man at a time: that she had never started a relationship with one man until she knew for sure that she was not pregnant from a previous relationship. "So I feel I have nothing to answer for, to apologize for. Except once, I knowingly went to bed with a married man. It is the one thing I will regret to my deathbed. Knowing this, do you still want me?"

He stood and came next to her, lifted her chin with the palm of his hand.

"Your past is your past. It is between you and God. I repeat, CJ, I love you. Let me take care of you, help you take care of your precious little ones, as I will let you take care of me, help me take care of my no longer little but still precious ones. CJ, will you marry me?"

As she smiled, he remembered one of the many things that caused him to fall in love with her so many years ago.

"I love you. Let's take care of each other, of all the children. Yes."

The ring he gave her "for now" held a black pearl in a white gold bypass setting. "I thought maybe we could pick out something coordinated for the both of us."

They told the twins, phoned her brothers and their wives, and Hogan, but swore them to secrecy. She also phoned Erin, who sent her blessings. "I know it's what Danny wanted."

Sam and Morgan had leased a place in the Big Sur area and had invited her up for the next weekend. Josh and Donna were coming out to join them.

She called Sam and asked if she could bring Paul with her, "assuming there's an extra bed somewhere." Sam called Josh and told him of her request.

That Friday evening, as the six of them sat on the terrace around the fire pit listening to the waves crashing on the rocks below, Paul told them that he had asked CJ to marry him and that she had accepted.

In the midst of the hugs, kisses, and handshakes, Josh slipped into the house and returned with a cream-colored envelope.

"When Sam called, I had a hunch," he said, handing the envelope to CJ.

With trembling hands, she opened it. He had written this one in long hand.

"My dearest Jeannie,

"If you are reading this letter, then my prayers have been answered and you will be marrying Paul. You have made me very happy, my darling, because I could sense that, other than yours truly, no one else on earth could bring you the joy and happiness you deserve, and no one on earth other than you could bring him the joy and happiness he deserves.

"If you are reading this letter, then this marriage will be occurring relatively soon after I've left you and there will be some bitter reactions, some nasty words said about that. Our friends know that this is what I want for you and no one else matters. But to help stem that bitterness, that nastiness, I want you to do something for me.

"When we married, you wanted to come down the aisle by yourself, as the independent woman you were and still are. However, you consented to let your brother escort you, both for the father who couldn't be there with you and for the sibling who would never have the chance to do so with a daughter. It did not take away one iota of your independence.

"Now I ask that when you approach whatever altar in front of which Paul is standing, waiting for you, that you allow Josh to escort you to Paul, to place your hand in his, to tell the world that I am at peace with your remarriage.

"Please, my darling CJ, in your words, in Abbey's words, defer to my wishes, to my last request as your husband.

"I love you forever,

"Danny"

"Josh, did you know what he had written?"

"He asked me, last January, if I would be willing to do it, and when I said, 'Anything for you, Danny', he said he would be writing letters to you."

"How many did he write, how many contingencies did he anticipate?" she laughed.

"That is between Danny and me," Josh replied.

"Paul?" she asked.

"Whatever Danny wants. As long as I get said hand in the end, if he had wanted the College of Cardinals walking you down the aisle and the Pope performing the ceremony, it would have been okay by me," he laughed.

"So, have you decided where you'll live?" Morgan asked.

"Definitely not in Santa Monica. Definitely not in DC," CJ said.

"Definitely not in Lexington or any of the other DOC college sites," Paul added. "We were maybe thinking about the Bay area. That's where we met, and some of the congregations there would be more willing to accept a minister with a 'Papist' for a wife. If we can make all this work anywhere, it's Berkeley."

"Don't you mean 'Beserkeley'?" Donna joked.

"Gina said there's an empty two-bedroom cottage on the vineyard that we could use. If push came to shove, we could work in the winery, smashing grapes with our feet," CJ laughed.

Donna looked at Josh. Josh looked at Sam. Why have political power if you can't help your friends?

On Tuesday, Sam called Frank Hollis and the two of them conspired.

Frank placed a call to the Chancellor's office at Berkeley; he dropped Sam's name into the conversation. Yes, the man said, they would be extremely interested in being the campus of choice to develop the graduate program of study in Philanthropic Management. Indeed, as the flagship of the state's higher education system, it would be their duty to undertake such a venture. Indeed, as the flagship of the state's higher education system, they were entitled to right of first refusal. And, yes, to have the Nobel laureate who developed the process as head of the program would definitely be a feather in their cap. Did the Governor and Mr. Hollis think she would accept such an offer?

Sam contacted the president of the Pacific School of Religion directly. Yes, he was well aware of the serious error in judgment made by the admissions board some thirty years ago. ("We could have used some omniscience at the time," he laughed.) Reverend Reeves, Doctor Reeves, was well known in the religious academic community, would be a welcome addition to the faculty. Was he really available?

Three weeks later, Paul and CJ had accepted job offers in Berkeley and were looking at houses in the area.

Their passions grew, but between the children, the traveling (he to Washington to sell some of his things and to bring the rest to California, she between the Bay Area and Santa Monica) and their feelings about their first marriages, they decided to "wait".

"_Maybe I should have waited until the wedding to show him," Alicia said to Brianna. "But when she took off the rings, I could tell it pained him."_

"_I wouldn't be worrying about it, now. After all, we just use their time for a reference point. And, to be sure, he's been glowing this past while, and so are ye! I told ye he would be good at it and that he would like it!"_

"_Would you believe he actually found us a place? A secret one?" _

"_Did he now? An' where would that be?"_

"_I'm not telling!"_

_Earth timemark - a week earlier _

_Danny had been kicking a soccer ball around the Corona Borealis, talking to himself about where he might find a place for Alicia and him when he heard the soft voice he remembered from so many television specials._

"_You could use our space for a while."_

_He looked up. He had been a preschooler when it happened but he had seen the grainy black and white films so many times. And, of course, the pictures as her children grew, the ones from her second marriage, the weddings of her children and their cousins, the funeral of her mother-in-law, and the ones as the next generation assumed their family's unique role in striving for the common good of the country._

"_Mrs. - "_

"_No titles, Danny, except for Them. Call me Jackie. Here, follow me."_

_And she took him to Cassiopeia's Chair and showed him the little dark space behind Caph, the second brightest star._

"_This is where Jack and I came before he left."_

"_Left?"_

"_We're reincarnaters. I thought you knew. He's already back on earth, born about a year before your Caitlin. I'm to go in late March."_

_Ever the investigative reporter, even up here, he started asking her questions about reincarnation._

"_Do you know when you are there?"_

"_Do you think he would have been unfaithful if we knew? The time before this last one, we were Napoleon and Josephine. That will give you an idea of our track record," she laughed. "But for some reason, I think we'll get it right this time."_

"_Why do reincarnaters bother going back? It seems that you would be much happier here, especially when you don't know once you get there."_

"_Because it's not the same. Swirling is wonderful, but it's not, you know. When we eat, we think we taste, but we aren't really tasting. When we swim, it's not really water. Am I making sense?"_

"_Kind of." He remembered, when he swung the bat, he didn't really feel the ball hitting the wood and the resulting impact vibrating into his muscles._

"_Maybe at the end, when we get our bodies with us, it will be different. Anyway, that's why, at least for Jack and me, we do it."_

"_Do you always refer to yourselves with your last identities?"_

"_We usually use the ones the others know. For example, if you were someone who had lived and died prior to 1960, you'd be calling me Josephine. Actually, just between ourselves, we're" and she uttered what sounded like two guttural syllables. "That's who we were the very first time, in what's now southern Africa."_

"_I know you don't know once you get there, but, right now, do you know where he is?"_

"_Yes. Look. You know them."_

"_Well, I'll be dam - "._

"_Not up here, you won't." The laughing voice came out of the sky. He was glad They had a sense of humor._

"_What about you?" he asked the former First Lady._

_She smiled a secret smile and told him that when her time came, she would let him know. _

_Danny thanked her. He now had a private place to take Alicia. As Brianna had predicted, he was becoming very good at the Swirling Dance._

Mid-September 2013 

When CJ told her friends and neighbors of their plans, everyone told her that they were happy for her and for Paul, but would be sad to see her leave their little village.

That evening, Hank and Steve came over with their little girl and asked to talk with her. They would like to buy the house. They had been in love with it once they saw what CJ had envisioned and had kicked themselves for not seeing the potential themselves and snapping up the property when it came on the market seven years ago. With a second child on the way, they could use the extra room. (The first was Steve's biologically, had a white birth mother. This child would be Hank's and had a black birth mother.) They were sure they would have no trouble selling their somewhat smaller house. (As it turned out, Jesse Muñoz bought the guys' house, and gave Nancy an engagement ring at Christmas.)

They had hoped to find a place with four bedrooms, a living room as well as a family room, a separate dining room, and a study for Paul. He had always had a place for his books and his papers, he told her, and if he was counseling parishioners, he needed a place to do that in private. When the twins were little and they could only afford a three bedroom "cookie cutter" house in Lexington, the kids shared a room until they were five so he could use the third one for his needs. When they were able to build to their own specifications, they made sure to include a separate study for his use.

"I could use part of the living room, it doesn't have to be a deal breaker," he said with a smile.

Luckily, many of the houses in the area were built with academicians in mind and many of them did have such a room. Unfortunately, none of the ones available for sale at the time had more than three bedrooms.

They chose one based on floor plan, view, and amenities. There was even a little alcove off the master bedroom that would be perfect for her home office.

"Well, when the twins come for breaks and holidays, we'll just put Paddy and Caitlin together and put one of the twins in the living room," CJ said.

"Actually, even now, when they go on trips together, they share a double, so we could put the two of them together also. My sister-in-law's mother-in-law made a comment about it last year and the two of them told her that 'she had a dirty mind'. I'm glad I wasn't there at the time; I would have felt compelled to correct the kids for insulting an elder, but in my heart I agreed with them."

They brought up the nursery furniture and the things from Paddy's room. She put the contents of Danny's den in storage for the kids when they were older. They sold the other furnishings in the Santa Monica house. He had his things sent out from Washington and they blended in some of his things with new purchases, offered the rest to Derrick before donating the leftovers to charity. Donna spread the word that they wanted to "start fresh" and they were gifted with the linens, china, glassware, and kitchenware that a never-married couple usually receives.

Gina and her brother asked if they could hold the wedding for them. They asked Jed Bartlet to officiate at the ceremony. He agreed and pulled all the strings needed to cut through the ecclesiastical red tape.

They were lucky; there was an old chapel on the vineyard grounds, a holdover from the mission era, that had never been unconsecrated. One of the walls had fallen down and the windows had been removed; with the right flowers and greenery, it would appear to be an open-air venue. Sam pulled the strings needed to get the former president licensed to perform weddings in California.

Since Paul was already teaching a regular schedule, he moved into the house. Since her job was still being defined and she had a less rigid schedule, she and the kids moved into the cottage on the vineyard grounds until the wedding.

They wanted the ceremony to include all four children. Paul asked Derrick to be his best man and when Paddy balked at walking down the aisle with Caitlin, Paul decreed that "all the men in the family will wait for the women of the family at the altar."

She asked Donna to be her matron of honor and Deborah to be her maid of honor. Caitlin, who wasn't walking on her own just yet, would come down the aisle with Deborah. Hogan was on special duty in Diego Garcia and wouldn't be able to get away.

Paul and CJ wanted something to give to the children during the ceremony. Abbey suggested that they take a mizpah coin and have it cut into six parts rather than two, and have each part put on a chain, one for each family member.

She couldn't decide what to wear. One day, she was at the hairdresser's and was looking through a clothing catalog when she saw something that gave her an idea. It looked like a double-breasted business suit, but it was polyester lace with a lining. She surreptitiously tore the page from the magazine and faxed it to Hank.

"I was thinking that if the skirt was mid-calf and just a bit fuller, and the jacket was single breasted, more fitted, not meant to be worn with a blouse, and do away with the lapels. And of course, natural fabric, no polyester. Is it doable?"

"Piece of cake." She could hear the finger snap. "I'll work up a design, talk with Diana. Can you fly down here later in the week?"

"Hank? I don't want white, but I don't want the color of the dress I wore for Danny. Maybe more of a blue-gray-ivory than a cream-ivory? And make sure that the lace is a totally different pattern?"

He told her he understood, to leave everything to him and Diana.

Early November 2013 Napa CA

St. Valentine had struck again, this time claiming Ginger, Bonnie, Carol, Ellie, and Zoey, so most of her Bartlet Gang friends were with her only in spirit as they dealt with new babies (a girl – Marilyn Abigail – for Zoey and Charlie, a boy – Sean Daniel – for Carol and David), or patiently awaited them. Margaret was needed by Matt Santos in Washington but sent all her love. Erin wrote a beautiful letter full of love and wishes for nothing but happiness, but begged CJ to understand that the MacDonald's just couldn't attend. When she called Toby, all he said was "I'm sorry, CJ, I just can't".

The wedding ceremony was moving, poignant, and funny. Caitlin actually pulled her hand out of Deborah's and took a few steps on her own toward her brother ("Dee!") before falling on her fanny. Her stepsister helped her from the floor, brushed down her little dress, and held her hand the rest of the way.

_Danny put his hand on CJ's when Josh gave her hand to Paul. Alicia helped press Paul's hand tighter onto CJ's hand._

They exchanged matching Black Hills Gold wedding bands. (He also bought her the matching engagement ring.) CJ fastened the chains with the mizpah coin pieces around the necks of Deborah, Derrick, and Paul; Paul fastened the chains around the necks of Paddy, Caitlin, and CJ.

"By the power vested in me by the State of California, I am most pleased to introduce to you Claudia Jean and Paul Reeves, Deborah, Derrick, Paddy, and Caitlin."

_Alicia thought that Danny looked almost as handsome as Paul as the two of them danced next to the bridal couple. Danny thought that Alicia's aqua dress looked spectacular. _

"_I told him on our wedding night that I would wear dresses to weddings; I told him in June that I would dance at his wedding."_

"Did you feel something?" CJ asked Paul. Everyone else was on the edges of the small patio as they danced to "Three Times a Lady."

The next morning Calistoga Hot Springs, CA

Paul woke up to the first rays of the sun coming into their suite in the resort. For a second, he was confused about the slight weight on his chest, then saw CJ's head. They had come full circle, after so many years. He pulled the sheet up over her shoulders. It was a cool morning.

He reflected on his conversation, if that's what you would call it, with Alicia and Danny. The thought of someone else with his wife, even if it "was like that and then not like that at all" was, for a brief second, unnerving, but somehow it seemed right and appropriate. ("Your wife is the one with her leg over yours," he told himself.) When he wondered about what would happen when the inevitable occurred, they told him that "God will work it out." Well, he'd been putting his trust in God ever since the day he decided that he needed to pursue his vocation, even if it meant losing CJ; he wasn't about to stop now.

Yesterday, when Paddy had explained loudly and earnestly to everyone at the wedding that "Caitlin and I will stay here with my aunt and uncle and make wine while Mama and Papa go make honey", he laughed with everyone else, but wondered if he would still be able to make everything sweet.

It had been so long; yes, he'd had physical reactions to stimuli, but he hadn't "wanted" from the last few weeks of Alicia's life in 2006 until this past July. Even during those months in '10 when he realized he was becoming emotionally reattached to CJ and wasn't sure he could handle it, there had been no accompanying physical yearning.

But he needn't have worried. He still had it. Or maybe, being with someone he loved brought it back. In any event, if last night was any indication, life was going to be much better for the two of them now that they were together. Two times within two hours, at his age. He was going to enjoy being a sexual being again; he was going to enjoy being with his sexy wife and he was going to enjoy making her happy and fulfilled.

He felt her stirring and bent his head so that the first thing she would see when she opened her eyes was his face, full of love for her.

"Good morning, Mrs. Reeves. Let's make some honey."

_Sirius (Canis Major) earth timemark four days later _

"_That was unbelievable! That set that Elvis and Otis did must have lasted eight hours!" Danny plopped down on a stardust cloud._

"_And when Springsteen and the Dead sang 'Everybody Must Get Stoned' and Dylan started dancing with Aretha! If I hadn't already done so, I could have died and gone to heaven," Alicia laughed._

_He groaned at her joke. "I wonder how our little lovebirds are – what the fuck is he doing to – and he was ready to throw the book at **me**!" Danny was furious, Danny was sputtering._

_She looked down. "Danny, he's not going to hurt her. He did that with me." She tried to hide the catch in her voice. "Come on, let's go somewhere else." She stared into his eyes. "Danny, it's not what you think."_

_And she led him away to a pool party over by Aquarius._

Calistoga Hot Springs, CA

He pushed the hair back from the side of her face. "I love you, CJ."

"I know."

"I would never hurt you, degrade you, abuse you."

"I know." She wondered where he was going with this line of conversation.

"Trust me?"

She nodded her head.

He turned her so she was lying face down across his knees.

"Paul?"

"Trust me, sweetheart." His lips whispered into her ear and he began to kiss the back of her neck, to place little kisses down her spine. His right hand made little caressing circles on her backside.

She moaned and rubbed her center against his shaft, which has pressing up against her, but at a right angle to the one would be needed for entrance.

When his lips reached the base of her spine, he moved the hand that was on her bottom. She later figured out that he had slipped his forefinger and ring finger inside her and, moving them back and forth, used the middle finger to circle round and round that throbbing little piece of her.

When he could tell that she was ready to climax, he withdrew the two fingers and replaced them with three, his left hand slipping under her to her center.

_Alicia could tell from CJ's face that this was one thing that he had never done with her, back when they were together that first time. This was one thing that Alicia had had first._

_When they had first started dating, Alicia assumed that he was "experienced", both from his age and his easy, relaxed manner. Most guys wanted to get into her pants and even the ones who said 'I understand' still tried; when he told her of his acceptance of her desire to fulfill the promise to her grandmother, he made no bones about the fact that he would have to set some limits on their relationship in order to not push her, but he kept his word._

_After they got engaged, Paul told Alicia that there had been someone else earlier, that her name was Claudia Jean but she went by "CJ", that it had taken over a year to get over her, but his heart was now free and ready to be claimed by her._

_After they married, he was the textbook, or, rather, bodice-ripper, example of what a husband and lover should be. And she wondered, off and on, what the woman with whom he had done these things before was like. Alicia assumed that he had learned the wonderful things they did in their bedroom from this other woman._

_It was in late spring 1998, during the primaries, when he first saw her on television with the Bartlet campaign and exclaimed, "CJ! So that's where you ended up!"_

"_That's her?" she asked him._

"_Yes," he said. "She's got more poise, well, she's older, she would, and I liked her hair better longer and straighter, but she's still CJ."_

"_You never told me she was white," Alicia said quietly._

_He looked up quickly._

"_It wasn't important, it didn't matter. Alicia, I never was that type. I never went looking for a white girl, never bought into the idea of it being good for my image, or my ego. I was initially attracted to her, and then fell in love with her, for much the same reasons I was attracted to and fell in love with you. Then, and with you, I fell in love with the person, not the demographics."_

"_How much do I have in common with her? She talks to reporters, to senators, to governors; I get tongue-tied with the Women's Auxiliary. She's tall; I'm short. She's got Masters' degrees; I was only a sophomore when we got married and I finally finished my BA only three years ago."_

"_You were only a sophomore when we were married because of the promise you made to your grandmother and because six months was long enough to wait for you."_

"_But even if I had slept with you, you were graduating and moving on. I had to go with you."_

"_Well, that's one difference; you were ready to follow where I needed to go and she wasn't. But then, if she had followed me to Yale, she probably wouldn't be where she is now and Bartlet might not be gaining all this momentum. And who knows what you would have done, become, had you stayed at Yale?"_

_("They showed me when I arrived here," Alicia told Danny. "After a course on gothic cathedrals, I became fascinated with worship space. I would have switched from Art to Architecture, and would have designed several world-famous churches. But we wouldn't have married. He would have found someone else at Bethany before I finished in New Haven and I would have married some Olympic runner.")_

"_But you were both bright, idealistic, passionate about your causes, caring, honest, fun-loving, you both put up with my schedules, you both thought I was the most wonderful man in the world, worshipped the ground I walked on – at first," he laughed self-deprecatingly and played with her hair. "Both so fresh, so innocent - " he stopped, a stricken look on his face._

"_Paul?"_

"_I never realized it. I've always thought of myself as liberal, modern. But the two women I loved enough to consider marrying are the two women who came to me as virgins. All that time, did I really have a double standard? I'm not liking what I'm suddenly seeing in myself."_

_She thought about letting him stew with it for a while. Most of the time, to so many people, he seemed so perfect. (Little did they know about his idiosyncrasies, his assertiveness, his natural inclination to take charge, his ego.) But her better angels gained control._

"_The others you were with, the ones who had been experienced, did you stop seeing them because of their pasts? Did you use them and toss them?"_

"_No, two of them broke up with me, were ready to move on before I was. With the three others, it was mutual; except for one. I left her."_

"_Because she had slept with someone else before you?"_

"_No. She wanted me to join her church, kept pushing it down my throat. I'm not cut out to be a charismatic, to speak in tongues. And I don't take scriptural passages out of context; she was a biblical literalist."_

_"And yet she had sex outside of marriage?"_

_"Like I said, a literalist. According to her, once you accepted Christ, you were going to heaven. Nothing else mattered; you could sin all you wanted, you were still saved."_

"_If I had slipped on my promise to Meemaw, if I had given in to DeShawn Jenkins the night of my Senior Prom, would you have still asked me to marry you?"_

"_I hope so, Alicia, or else I would have been the biggest fool in Christendom."_

_Okay, change the subject, girl, she told herself. _

"_Somehow, I had always assumed that she had taught you the things you knew. But now you say that she was like me. So where **did** you learn?"_

"_A girl from Bennington and the guys at Dartmouth. Plus we read the same books you did," he laughed. "Come on, the kids won't be home from school for an hour." He pulled her toward the bedroom. "You know that spanking scene in that book the babysitter was reading, the one she left here and Derrick got hold of? No, not **that**, what do you think I am?" he said, seeing the frightened look on her face, "but what the hero did to the heroine afterward?"_

_Apparently, it was one thing that wasn't in those books back in Berkeley._

He lay down on his left side beside her, slipping his legs out from underneath her body, and turned her body so she was facing him. She kissed him on his mouth.

"_I told you her wouldn't hurt her. He would go out of his way to avoid doing anything to hurt her."_

_Three months before Paul's graduation and their wedding the following Saturday, they had just left Mory's (he had been nominated for membership his second year) after listening to the Whiffenpoofs, and were standing outside her dorm when she told him "there's a problem."_

"_My mother swears she miscalculated, but my mother is perfect and I can't imagine her not knowing. I've always been exactly 29 days, and the day before the wedding, it will be showtime for me," she sighed, gave him a small smile._

_When he hugged her and told her he didn't think he would die if he had to wait another week, she told him that she was afraid she might._

"_Sarah said" (Thank God for Sarah, her down to earth and more worldly roommate, he thought. The girl was probably the one person keeping Alicia from murdering her mother) "that I should go to Student Health and get on the pill now, that the doctor can help me adjust my timing."_

"_Sarah is right, and I should have thought of it myself, about going to Student Health now, I mean. We definitely want you safe from day one." (The answer is "His mother, his mother-in-law, and a gross of condoms". The question is "What are the three things Paul Reeves does **not** want to take with him on his honeymoon?")_

"_But if I go to the doctor, he or she will want to examine me."_

"_Well, of course - "_

"_Paul, I mean inside me. And then I won't be - "._

_He took her by her shoulders. "Alicia, what you promised your grandmother is here," he touched her forehead, "and here", he touched her heart. "Not here". He ever so lightly brushed his hand against the juncture at the top of her legs. "See the doctor, get the pills, get yourself protected, adjusted, foil your mother's scheming, if that's what it is," he laughed._

"_You sure you don't mind?"_

"_Don't mind?" He hugged her, kissed her, and whispered in her ear. "Honey, if you see the doctor then there's no chance I might have to hurt you."_

"Sweetheart, were you okay with that?" He searched CJ's eyes. "If you weren't, it's okay, we don't have to do it again. Were you comfortable with that?"

She grinned, nodded her head and then looked down his torso. "But I think you got cheated. I'd best remedy that."

She moved her body over his.

_**Epilogue One**_

_Sirius (Canis Major) earth timemark early April 2014 _

"_Danny."_

"_Mrs. Ken – I mean Jackie! Hi!"_

"_I'm about to go back. Look where I'm going!"_

"_Oh, my! For true?"_

"_Yes, for true. Bye!"_

_And she turned into a twinkle and headed toward the bedroom in the hills above Berkeley._

**Epilogue Two**

Washington DC January 20, 2047

It was a very warm day, 58 degrees, and the sun was bright. It was a good omen, CJ thought, as she and Paul were slowly escorted to their seats on the platform.

They both were doing well for people their ages. She thanked God every day that she had been given so many years with this man, and that the years had been good ones. The Alzheimer's that ravaged her father's brain had passed over her and her brothers. She and Paul each used a cane now and had learned to use them in opposite hands, so they could hold hands while walking together.

When they reached their seats, she saw that the children (and she still called them that, although they all had children of their own, and in the case of Deborah and Derrick, a grandchild apiece) were seated in the row behind them, all but Dansha, of course. Derrick, who had resembled Paul at 22 when she first met the boy, now resembled the Paul she had married at 50-something. He was there with his Natasha. Deborah looked so much like the pictures of her mother taken at the turn of the century. Tom was holding her hand, still in love with her. Then there was Pat, with her looks and Danny's laugh, pointing out someone in the crowd to Maggie. And Caitlin, her feminine portrait of Danny, was whispering something to Huck.

"CJ."

She turned to see her son-in-law's parents. He needed a wheel chair and she a walker, but their eyes were bright with joy. The four of them exchanged hugs.

His father said, "Would you ever have believed - "

Just then, her son-in-law came down the steps, holding onto Dansha's hand. After some prayers, the couple stood up, Dansha with the Bible in her hands as her husband placed his left hand on it and raised his right.

"I, Hooper John Hoynes, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States and will, to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States."


	4. Manic Monday

**Manic Monday**

CJ, Danny. OMCs, OFCs,

Rating Adult – some smut.

Spoilers through end of series. Also contains some things that may show up in "Holding Hands on the Way Down".

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul.

Feedback and criticism always welcomed.

Thanks to lidarose for inspiring Danny's final (in this AU) book subject with her comment, in response to Danny co-authoring a book with the Prince of Wales was "Wow, our boy is coming up in the world!"

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_February 10, 2014; Kensington CA_

"Marta, please don't worry; we can live with a little dust for a week. Remember, I had this crud right before Christmas and CJ has it now. Take care of yourself and hopefully, we'll see you next week."

Paul Reeves finished reassuring the cleaning lady that it was okay that she stay home in bed with her chills, cough, and fever, and ended the call. The phone rang again almost at once. It was the Berkeley Student Employment office. They had found someone who would be able to sit with the kids this afternoon. She had her own car, so all she would need were driving instructions; cab fare would not be required. He took the number and called the young woman, again explaining that he had a 15 month-old daughter and a four year-old son ("well, he would insist on saying four and a half") who would need watching while he led his seminar. Also, he would want the sitter periodically to check on his wife, who was in bed with the flu bug that was going around the area, which was why they needed the last minute sitter.

Now that Christmas was over and the new semester had started, they were settling down into a routine, into a "normal" life.

Normally, CJ was in her office on Berkeley's central campus on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays from 9:00 AM until 3:00 PM. He had a seminar on Monday afternoon, another on Wednesday morning, a class that met on Thursday mornings, and the school-wide worship service and preaching practicums on Tuesday mornings. He held office hours and was available to other faculty on Wednesday afternoon and Friday morning. (By unwritten custom, the divinity schools did not schedule faculty meetings or administrative events on Monday mornings or Friday afternoons.) Paddy was in preschool on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday mornings. They had in-home childcare for Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday mornings and Wednesday afternoons. Paul had managed to convince CJ to let him care for the kids on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, but they subscribed to a "drop-in" daycare service on campus in case he had an occasional meeting on those afternoons and needed to be out of the house, or if CJ had something scheduled on a Friday.

It was easier than he expected. CJ's hours on campus were similar to those Alicia had when she had finished her degree, earned a teaching credential, and began to teach art at one of the Montessori schools in Lexington. CJ's work was more stress-filled than Alicia's was (although Alicia discovering, through artwork, that two little girls were being abused by their "pillar of the community" stepfather was not exactly a light operetta) and they were dealing with a toddler and a preschooler as opposed to two kids in K-12, but she was home every night and not flying to Chicago, Capetown, and all points in-between.

Part of him felt a bit guilty about being glad that she was no longer actively involved with "Road to a Better World". Danny Concannon was a better man than Paul was, to accept fully the inconveniences of her mission. However, Danny did tell him, during those conversations in January, that CJ had already decided to take off at least a year when Caitlin was born, and that they had seriously discussed how they would manage financially if CJ decided she wanted to try the "more involved parent" role until Caitlin was in school. (Of course, Paul was sure that Franklin Hollis would have been there with a board of directors' position for CJ; he could not imagine her as a total "stay at home mom" without any outside involvement.) The idea of change was not totally foreign to her before his proposal of marriage.

Nor was he expecting that she morph into the type of wife their grandmothers were. He did the things that needed to be done on Tuesdays and Thursdays, she did them on Mondays and Fridays. Wednesday was "my idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance" day. Work on weekends was split according to need. Not every week, and certainly not every day, was fifty-fifty; things came up, like him being sick right before Christmas and her being sick now. But overall, it seemed to work that way.

For now, they shared the cooking more than they alternated. He was showing her the things he had come to like over the past thirty years and she was showing him her favorites. It was fun.

Like many of the other things they did together at home, it was also foreplay. A touch of a hand, a smile, a particular _double entendre_ that often caused Paddy to ask what was so funny, added spice to chopping vegetables and making salad. When she bent down from the waist to pick up a dropped piece of silver, he had to decide whether he wanted to look at her butt or down her blouse. When she reached across his body to grab a bowl, her hand always managed to brush against his groin.

He saw the looks that passed between Derrick and Deborah over the Christmas break and the morning after Deborah made the remark about him buying lingerie, he had a conversation with his daughter similar to the one he had with Derrick over Thanksgiving. It was a little awkward because, as he told her, part of him would think of her as his little girl even when she had grandchildren of her own, but he wanted her to have a good relationship with the man she would eventually marry and he wanted her to know that he loved her mother.

She told him that she understood. "Grandpa talked to me about Mom and Nana when he came up to Columbia for the Princeton game. He told me he hoped that Mom didn't put any inhibitions on me the way Nana did on Mom. He also told me he wanted you to be happy. I know he was so disappointed when his pacemaker had to be replaced and he couldn't come out for the wedding."

Maybe in the spring he could take CJ and the kids back to New Jersey. He had a great deal of admiration and respect for Alicia's father, now living in a retirement community by the Princeton campus.

"_Daddy always told me to not let my mother get to me the way she did. I wish I had listened to him more." Alicia looked at the hotdog Danny was holding and pulled his hand toward her mouth. "Why don't you start on that end and we can meet in the middle?" _

_Danny smiled. Maybe by the time Paul got here, he would have most of her inhibitions erased. It was the least he could do for the man who was taking such good care of his family_.

Their sex life was still almost at the same level as it had been at Thanksgiving. He still reveled in having her in his bed every night (or morning or afternoon), not to mention his shower, study, living room, dining room, family room, and kitchen. On reflection, they had been together in every room except the children's rooms and bath.

He smiled as he remembered twilight on the day that the twins went to Tahoe and Paddy flew down to Santa Monica with Hogan. They started out on the couch in the living room, but ended up on the floor, with him lying on the floor and her straddling him, the lights from the tree turning her into stained glass. Afterward, as they were sitting on the floor nude, drinking hot cider spiked with brandy, he told her that it was the first time he had made love under a Christmas tree since the time in his apartment their second Christmas as a couple, right before they left California for the semester break. But that was just a little tree with a single string of lights. This tree was over six feet and had almost 800 lights twinkling from the trunk outward. He hoped that they would be able to make love with her under their tree for many Christmases to come.

_"If I had known how much he wanted it, I would have put a tree in our bedroom." Alicia wiped away a tear._

_Danny smiled at his memories about making love with CJ at Christmas. Then he got an idea. If he could convince Them to get everyone else involved in something in another galaxy, maybe he and Alicia could Swirl in the aurora borealis._

Sometimes Paul wondered how he managed to keep himself in check, to keep him from showing his desire for her at importune times. He remembered especially that morning eight days ago, the anniversary of Danny's death. He lay there in bed, holding her, stroking her hair, praying that his body would not react to the closeness of hers, knowing that he had to just be there and hold her, knowing that whether it was that night, the next day, or two or three days later, he would have to wait for her to want him. Just as come that dreadful day in May, she would have to wait for him. And he remembered how sweetly she reached for him early the next morning, a week ago today, covered his body with kisses, and made love to him and with him so ardently until the sounds of Caitlin stirring caused them to smile at each other and whisper "later."

"Morning, Papa." Paddy came up to him and wrapped an arm around his hips. "Where's Mama?"

"Mama's sick; she's sleeping." He poured a glass of juice for the boy. "Drink this while I get your sister."

Five minutes later, he came back with a freshly diapered Caitlin in his arms.

"Food Court for lunch!" Paddy loved going to the Food Court in the Student Center.

"Paddy, Mama's sick and I have to stay home this morning and take care of her. We won't be going to the gym and we'll be eating at home today."

This semester, he had started spending time with Paddy on Monday mornings, taking the boy with him to the gym (after a leisurely breakfast at home) where the child had a swimming class while Paul worked out in the weight room and then a play and story-reading session in the on-site day care while Paul played basketball with fellow teachers and theologians from the Graduate Theological Union. The two of them would then eat lunch on campus before Paul would return Paddy to the house before teaching his seminar later in the afternoon.

Paddy was already signed up for T-ball and soccer come spring. Once they figured out which he liked more (and Paul and CJ agreed that at his age, one sport was enough; they weren't going to over-schedule the child, leaving no time for simple play) Paddy would resign from the other and Paul would volunteer to assist the team coach. The boy needed father-son bonding/male imprinting in the worst way.

Paddy had slipped only a little, all things considered, since last February, but he hadn't made much progress since then either. It was perfectly understandable, given the circumstances, (and Paul was extremely careful not to let CJ think that she had been lacking as a mother) . In any event, Paul hadn't felt he had the right to step in last summer when Paddy wasn't making a pest of himself with Stevie Muñoz, Manny Hammash, and Ricky Feldman, wasn't wanting to be with the five and six year-olds on the block, wasn't interested in things in which a four year-old boy should be interested. Neither had he had a problem with Paddy's closeness to little Maggie (although he wasn't sure if the parental joking about their "future" was a good thing).

The only thing he reacted to was when Paddy started to use the potty seat again for urination instead of standing at the commode. For one thing, it just didn't sit well with him. For another, teaching Paddy that rite of maleness was one of the few things that Danny really pushed himself to do those last few months and Paul felt it owed it to the other man, as part of his promise to help CJ with the children, to keep him from backsliding.

Luckily, it started only ten days before Derrick came down and Paddy had a new hero. One little "big boys don't pee like girls" from his son was all it took to stem that regression

"I want Food Court!" Paddy kicked the underside of the table.

Paul turned around from the high chair at the sound of the kick. "What was that?" He stared at the little boy.

Paddy remembered when Daddy looked at him like that, before Daddy had to go to heaven. Daddy gave him a time out. "I want Food Court", Paddy thought to himself, but he was careful not to kick the table again.

Paul knew that the little boy was disappointed, but it couldn't be helped.

As is the case with most cases of the flu, the onset of CJ's could be pinpointed fairly accurately to yesterday just after 1:00 PM. He was driving the family home from church (with a planned quick stop at the supermarket) when she asked him to pull over to the side of the road. She opened the door, leaned out, and vomited. After he helped her clean up with the water from Caitlin's bottle, she asked if he would mind picking up the items they needed by himself while she stayed in the car with the kids, and to maybe get something from the prepared meal station for lunch for him and Paddy.

By the time he did the shopping and they returned to the house, she was coughing and sneezing. He took the kids inside and got them settled, while she sat at the kitchen table with a glass of ginger ale. On his second trip with the groceries, she got sick again. He helped her to their room, held her while she rinsed her mouth with mouthwash, then he washed her face and got her out of her clothes and into a nightgown and bed.

Later that evening, she was able to keep down some orange juice and some chicken broth. This morning, she was feverish to his touch and she needed help to the bathroom, after which she went right back to sleep. In a little while, he'd try to get her to take a cup of tea. She needed to replenish her fluids.

"Papa, can we have French toast?"

"_**May** we have French toast." Danny corrected his son. "And if you make any more fuss about having to stay home when your mother is sick -- ". He left the threat unfinished._

"I suppose we can." Paul opened the refrigerator to get the eggs, milk, and butter. Where were the eggs he bought yesterday? He distinctly remembered buying them; he had to check four cartons before he found one with no cracked or thin-shelled eggs.

"Oh, shi – ucks!" Did he finish bringing in the groceries yesterday after CJ got sick the second time?

Picking up Caitlin, he went out to the drive and opened the back of the SUV. Three bags. Toilet paper. A box of graham crackers, one of dishwasher detergent, and a bottle of V-8. And a carton of eggs and a package of cream cheese. The cream cheese was a lost cause. He knew that eggs, if pasteurized, could stay at room temperature, but these had been in the back of the SUV, with the sun beating down on it; he didn't want to take a chance on using them. His family's health was worth more than the measly little $2.00 the eggs cost. He would pick up some more after his seminar this afternoon.

Back in the kitchen, he checked the carton of eggs already in the refrigerator. Two. He needed to keep them for CJ; with any luck, she would be able to keep them down.

"Paddy, I'm sorry, we don't have enough eggs for French toast. I need to save them for Mama."

"I want French toast!"

Again, the stare, but Paddy was even more upset. First no Food Court and now no French toast.

Paul decided to make oatmeal. Alicia always claimed that the kids did better with a hot breakfast. Also, he could put maple syrup in the oatmeal; at least Paddy could have the taste of French toast.

"Goob bornging." CJ came into the kitchen and collapsed into a chair.

"Sweetheart, you should have stayed in bed. Would you like some tea?" He turned up the gas under the teakettle.

Five minutes later, he had sliced a banana and put the pieces on Caitlin's high chair tray, put a cup of tea into CJ's hands, put some oatmeal in a small dish to feed to Caitlin, and then put more oatmeal in a dish for Paddy, adding some sugar and some maple syrup.

"Here you go, oatmeal that tastes like French toast."

"Don't want oatmeal!" Paddy swept the bowl off the table. It hit the floor and broke in half. At the same time, CJ got up, reached for the trashcan, and proceeded to lose the tea she had drunk. Caitlin started wailing.

Paul counted to ten silently, then silently thanked God for the patience to have done so.

Picking up the baby, he helped CJ to her feet. Then he turned to the suddenly frightened and very quiet little boy.

Very softly, very deliberately. "Go to my study, sit on the loveseat, and wait for me. Do not turn on the television; do not touch anything. Just sit there."

In the nursery, he grabbed the caveman doll and put it in the crib with Caitlin. She started "talking" to it in grunts and a couple of nonsense syllables. He helped CJ clean up and got her into bed. Sitting next to her on the bed, he smoothed back her hair. "Sweetheart, I know we should do this together, but you're in no shape and he's too young to wait until you feel better. I need to deal with him as soon as possible. For that matter, even if he were older, I never believed in putting off disciplining the children. It's cruel."

"'kay," she yawned. He kissed her forehead, got up, and started toward the door.

"Paul."

He turned around.

"You aren't going to span -"

"For a temper tantrum?" he laughed. "Sweetheart, if I had spanked Deborah every time she threw a temper tantrum, it would have been closer to two hundred times than to two times."

He stopped in the kitchen and picked up the two pieces of the broken bowl, then went to the study.

Paddy was as frightened as he had ever been in his four "and a half" years. Papa looked so stern. Some of the other boys at preschool talked about being spanked and he was sure that Papa was going to do that to him.

Paul set the broken china on the table in front of the little boy.

"Why did you break this dish?"

"I wanted French toast. I wanted Food Court."

"What if the pieces had hit Caitlin, or your Mama? They could have been hurt. Did you want to hurt them?"

Paddy shook his head.

"I can't hear you."

"No, Papa."

"Paddy, I made a mistake and left the eggs in the car overnight and they weren't any good. We have only two eggs left and we need to keep them for Mama. She's sick and they are probably the only thing she can eat. We need to take care of her. Remember before Christmas when you and I were sick? Remember how Mama took care of you?"

He did. Mama made him special food, scrambled eggs with hot dog circles "like Daddy ate when he was a sick little boy." She cut his toast into shapes like Christmas trees and stars. She put colors in his ginger ale and gave him special straws. She put a crushed up candy cane in his ice cream. She held him on her lap and fed him different colored Jell-O cubes. She found his old sippy cup and put ice and water in it so he could drink it lying down in bed when his throat was scratchy, but she said she wouldn't tell anyone else that he used a baby cup. She put a warm cloth over his eyes and nose when they hurt.

"Mama was real nice."

"Yes, she was. That's what we do as a family. We take care of each other. Mama went out of her way to make you and me feel better. Now it's our turn to go out of our way to make her feel better. That's why I'm saving the eggs for Mama. But you wanted me to use them for French toast so you broke a dish and made a mess on the floor. Do you think that was going out of your way to make Mama feel better?"

"No."

"Are you sorry that you made a mess and broke the dish?"

"Yes, Papa."

"Are you going to do it again whenever you are asked to do something special for Mama or Caitlin or Deborah or Derrick or me?"

"No, Papa."

"You're forgiven. Come here and give me a hug."

Paddy breathed a sigh of relief and did as he was told.

"Now let's talk about penalties."

Was Papa going to spank him now? He thought he was forgiven.

"First of all, there's a broken dish. You broke it and we have to get a new one. Go to your room and bring back your piggy bank."

While Paddy was gone, Paul got two envelopes from the desk and then googled the manufacturer and the pattern name from the bottom of the broken bowl.

"Open your piggy bank and take out your money."

"But, Papa."

"Paddy." Again the look like Daddy. Paddy did as he was told.

Paul did a quick estimate. It looked like about twenty-one dollars and some change.

"Now, Mama and I are both very busy and we don't have time to go to the store to try to find a new bowl, so we're going to order it online and have it mailed to us. See, here's a picture of the bowl we need." He showed the screen of his laptop to Paddy. "The bowl is $8.99. Count out nine dollar bills and put them in this envelope."

Very slowly, Paddy put nine dollar bills in the envelope. Paul reached into his pocket. "Here's your change." He put a penny on the table.

"Now, we have to pay shipping and handling. Oh, my, that is $7.95. Now put eight dollars in the envelope. Here's your nickel. And the tax is 1.55. I think you can count that out exactly. That's a dollar, two quarters, and a nickel. Okay, I'm going to seal this envelope and give them a credit card number. Then I'll use this money to pay the credit card." Paul finished the order and pressed "submit".

"If Derrick were here, he would tell you that you've just paid what are called 'compensatory damages'. That's two big words for paying to replace what you broke. There's also something called 'punitive damages'; that's the price you pay for doing a bad thing. Put the rest of your money in this other envelope. When we go to church on Sunday, you need to put that envelope in the collection basket."

"But that's all my money."

"Yes, it is."

"Derrick and Deborah. I need presents for them. They'll think I don't love them."

"They might. Unless you tell them what you did and why you don't have any money. It's up to you. When you do something wrong, you have to make reparations. That's another big word. You can always make them cards with your crayons and maybe you can do something for them like maybe make their beds the next time they come to visit. Or you can save your allowance for the next month and buy them something. Their birthday isn't till March 21st."

"Maybe you can give me an extra job like at Christmas?" Papa let him gather up the newspapers and paid him a bonus so he could buy presents for everyone, because four dollars a week doesn't buy a lot of presents, especially when you have to put a dime in the collection basket at Mama's church, another one in the basket at Papa's church, and fifty cents in your nest egg at the place where Mama and Papa kept their money. And that didn't count buying a candy bar at the Food Court or at the gym.

"I'll think about it. There's one more thing. You don't have to do it, but it might be nice to draw something for Mama, to make her feel better. Now let's go to the kitchen and make the eggs for Mama."

"Okay." He put his face against Papa's leg. "I love you, Papa. I'm sorry."

"I know, son. Let's forget all about it."

_Danny was about to reach down and swat his son's little ass. _

"_Don't." Alicia said. "Like Paul said, it was only a temper tantrum."_

_She was probably right. "Let's go over to Pegasus and watch Northern Dancer, Secretariat, Citation, Aristides, and Barbaro play Kentucky Derby"._

Paddy drew a picture of a flower for his Mama while Papa cleaned up the mess and made the scrambled eggs. Then Papa washed his scissors in hot water so Paddy could cut Mama's toast into heart shapes for Valentine's Day. (Paddy was glad he had already bought his Valentine cards for everyone and had bought Mama and Papa a box of candy. This losing everything in your piggy bank could be dangerous. He needed to ask Derrick about it.)

Mama was able to eat the eggs. She liked the toast hearts and she hugged him for the flower picture. Then she said her head hurt and Papa said he would get her some pills.

"Papa, why don't you and Mama take off your clothes and you hold Mama's head in your lap?"

The two adults looked at each other.

"Why?" Paul asked.

"Because once I saw Mama and Daddy. Mama's head was in Daddy's lap and Daddy's head was in Mama's lap. He was upside down on the bed. They were humming. I think it made them feel good. It might make Mama feel better."

CJ buried her blushing face in the pillow and tried not to laugh; the laugh turned into a cough.

Paul thought to himself that he was pretty sure it made them feel good.

Mutual oral sex had never been part of his repertoire. He found that he preferred to devote all his wits to the woman he was pleasuring in such a manner, to be able to interpret sighs, movements, and hands as he skirted the line between pleasure and pain with his lips, teeth, and tongue. And when he was the one receiving the pleasure, all his wits tended to concentrate on approximately 33 cubic inches of **his** body.

When he was younger he would kneel by the edge of the bed and pull her (and later Alicia) to that edge, her legs over his shoulders. At first, he would curl his tongue and use just the very tip of it to tease the very tip of her clitoris until she was almost at climax. Then he would push her legs further apart and use his full tongue up and down the length of her from that central core to the thin membrane between her entrance and her anal opening. Then it might be teasing the sides of that core, or just inside her vaginal opening. And then, very delicately, her urethra. And after all that work with his tongue, he would use his lips, then his entire mouth on her, then his mouth and his breath, all the time paying attention to her sighs, her movements, her pleas. And when she was ready to let go, to climax, he would pess his tongue hard against that little organ, realizing that all the nerve endings that were imbedded in the 60 some square inches of him were concentrated in that piece of her.

_"He's good; he's damn good," Alicia said. "Not that I had anyone to compare him to."_

_That was okay, Danny thought. He knew that Brianna and CJ, at least, thought **he** was damn good also._

As he got older, kneeling became a problem for him and it affected his ability to please his wife, so he switched to sitting on a pillow. Now, with CJ and her relative lack of inhibition, he found that a table and chair, or his desk in the study, were very practical and very pleasant alternatives.

But two months ago, CJ surprised him; she reversed herself on the bed two months ago and had taken him in her mouth. Sometimes he forgot that CJ hadn't been a nun for those thirty years between then and now. Witness the child on the bed and the one in the other room. She apparently was accustomed to it, and he was willing to try again. He could always apologize if he hurt her.

But there was another matter at hand.

"Paddy, how did you happen to see your Mama and Daddy in their bed?"

Oops. He was going to be in trouble for the second time this morning.

"It was after we went to the woods and before Daddy found out he had to go to heaven. I forgot and broke a rule. I didn't mean to." He tried hard not to start crying. "Am I in trouble again? You already have all my money."

Paul looked at CJ. "Well, Derrick will also tell you about something called 'statute of limitations'. That means that after a certain time, you really can't get into a lot of trouble for most things you do wrong. But it's very important that you don't come in here or any place where your Mama and I are sleeping without asking and being told to come in. Do you understand?" He lifted the little boy's chin.

"Yes."

"Were there any other times?"

"Well, not really, but - ".

"But what?"

"When I visited Maggie. We were outside playing and we heard a noise. We peeked in Aunt Diana and Uncle Frank's window. She was tickling his wee-wee."

"His what?"

"His penis." Papa wanted him to use the right words.

"And you knew that peeking in the window was the same as opening the door."

"Yes, sir."

"Are you going to peek in anybody's window again?"

"No, Papa."

"Then give us a hug and go sit in Caitlin's room in time out while Mama and I talk for a little bit. Shut the door on your way out."

Paul managed to stifle his laugh until the boy left.

Paul pulled CJ's head into his lap and felt her forehead; she was still feverish. "I'd like to make it feel better, even if what he saw was designed to make the person with the head in the lap feel better. Maybe we need to put some bells on the doorknob. I don't think we should lock it. And I think maybe I need – we need," he corrected himself, "to talk with him a little about sex. We don't want him trying some of this stuff with Maggie."

"Whatever you think is best," she yawned.

"Now I know you're sick," he kissed her forehead. "I'm not going to hold you to that. We'll discuss this after you feel better."

Last September, about two weeks into the engagement, she began to have a few qualms about how they would manage together.

"I'm not changing my mind," she had hastened to assure him, "but I'm no longer the totally adoring little twenty year-old who accepted everything you said as gospel. You aren't going to be able to manage me the way you did back then. I'm not used to being managed."

He remembered thinking that the fact that she made that last statement was proof in itself of how skillfully Danny managed her. However, he was not about to tell her so.

He did tell her that, believe it or not, he had mellowed some in the past thirty years. He told her that he knew he would have to make a conscious effort not to take charge of their life together. And he did warn her that if she did not assert herself, his natural inclination to take charge would probably assert itself.

"I'm not going to tell you what to wear, what to buy, sweetheart. I'm not going to dictate what we watch, what we read. I know that you handled all the finances for you and Danny; Alicia and I did our stuff together. With everything depositing electronically and all the e-billing, I think we should be able to do everything jointly, but if you want to take care of it all, that's fine by me.

"But if there's something that has to be done, something that has to be decided, and there's any hesitancy on your part, my natural inclination would be to take the bull by the horns, take the responsibility, to make the decision. It's just part of my natural maleness, I guess, my wanting to take on the hard stuff."

"You sound like one of those 'Promise Keepers' that were big about fifteen years ago," she had commented.

"If you're asking if I intend to 'love you into submission', the answer is no," he had replied, laughing. "That group had a lot of ideas with which I disagreed. But I do intend to keep the promise I made to Danny, the promises I'll make to you and to God at the altar."

So now, when she essentially ceded authority on this particular situation to him, he knew that he shouldn't take advantage of her illness. There was no imminent need to have the talk with Paddy. And he would much rather she call Diana and tell her what happened over Christmas than for him speak with Diana and Frank.

"Let me go reprieve our son and give him some lunch. With everything that happened, you and Caitlin are the only ones that have had anything solid so far today."

He kissed her again, picked up the tray and went to Caitlin's room. Paddy was curled up on the daybed, sleeping. Paul decided to let him nap until he cleaned up the kitchen. Luckily, he had already prepared the initial lecture for this afternoon's meeting of his seminar on Bioethics. This early in the term, the students weren't always as willing to participate and he would need to take a more active role to get them talking.

After setting some soup on the stove to heat and making a salad for himself (having skipped the gym, he'd best watch what he ate today), he went to get the kids. After changing Caitlin, he gently shook the little boy.

"Let's eat lunch before the sitter comes." With the disappointment over the French toast and the Food Court, he decided to give Paddy some leeway at lunch. "Would you prefer a grilled cheese sandwich or a tuna salad sandwich with your soup?" However, you didn't give a child an open-ended decision.

"Whatever you want, Papa." Paddy wanted to stay on Papa's good side. He needed another job to make some money for presents for his big sister and brother.

"I'm just having salad and a little soup."

"Then I'll have salad, too."

Paul thought fast. He could make up the tuna fish and if the kid got hungry later, the sitter could make him a sandwich. For that matter, she could make one for herself.

The young woman was an English major hoping to be accepted into the graduate program in journalism. Paul mentioned that his daughter was studying the subject at Columbia and that his wife's first husband, the father of the two children for whom she would be sitting, was also a journalist. His last book, a biography of the sitting Pope, was being published posthumously next month.

_Danny was glad that the book would finally be hitting the presses. He was half-afraid that His Holiness would be up here in heaven before the book was out. And he was deeply grateful that Jed Bartlet worked with his editor on the final copy. The former president made sure that Danny's style was preserved in the text._

When the young woman found out Danny's name, she raised her eyebrows appreciatively.

He introduced her to Paddy, went over some details about Caitlin, and gave her his cell number as well as showing her where the doctors' numbers were. He checked and CJ was sleeping, so he didn't take her in the room but reiterated his request that she check on the invalid periodically.

"It's no problem at all, Dr. Reeves. Go teach your class."

With final kisses for the kids, an admonition to "listen to Miss Tina" to Paddy, and a "help yourself to anything you want in the frig", he was out the door.

It took about an hour for his students to loosen up enough that he wasn't constantly leading the discussion, but then things took off and the afternoon flew by quickly.

In the grocery, he had an idea, initially thought better of it, then changed his mind again. "Why the hell not?"

When he arrived home, Tina told him that the kids had been fine, that Paddy did indeed want a tuna salad sandwich about 2:30, and that she had checked twice on Mrs. Reeves, giving her some chicken broth and some ginger ale. She also mentioned that she was usually free on Monday afternoons if he ever needed an emergency sitter again and to keep her phone number.

After putting away the groceries (and double-checking the back of the car for any forgotten bags), Paul went to check on his wife. She was awake but tired and weak. She also said she felt as grubby as a used Kotex. Could he help her to the shower?

He made sure that Caitlin was okay and happy with her caveman doll, and asked Paddy if he could be a good boy, watch a Muppet rerun, and stay out of trouble while he helped Mama get clean. Then he returned to the bedroom, undressed himself, helped CJ to the bathroom, undressed her, and helped her step into the shower with him.

The previous owner had modernized the bath and the walk-in shower had a bench, an overhead rainfall shower, steam, multiple body sprays, and a hand-held attachment with a very long flexible hose. He was able to wash her body and her hair while she sat, then held her up against him while he used a cloth and the hand-held to clean her genitalia. He brought her toothbrush into the shower and helped her to clean her mouth.

He wrapped her in a terrycloth robe and had her sit in one of the big easy chairs while he dried himself, dressed, and changed the bed. As he helped her back into bed and towel-dried her hair, he told her that if his illness was any indication, she would be feeling totally miserable through tomorrow, start to feel better on Wednesday, but still be weak for the next few days. He was going to call her administrative assistant, tell the man that she would be out the rest of the week, and to cancel her appointments. No, she was not going to "wait and see" for the rest of the week. He was also going to call the regular sitter and let her know that she would have an extra charge the rest of the week. If she felt better on Friday, the kids could stay home with her in the morning; otherwise, he would take them to the drop-in daycare. Actually, he just decided he would try to reschedule his Friday appointments and stay home that morning. Sure, they could discuss it, but he wasn't going to change his mind. Now, did she want more chicken broth for supper, or did she think she would handle some meat and rice with the soup? How about a baked potato? He'd be back in a minute with some ginger ale.

Paddy kept her company while he fixed her soup and while she ate. By that time, she was nodding off again, so the little boy took the tray and went to the kitchen.

"What's for supper, Papa?"

"Come see."

"French toast! For supper? French toast is for breakfast."

"Well, today we're going to have breakfast at supper time. Sausage and French toast. And carrot sticks. Mama would want us to have a vegetable."

"French toast! Yay! I love you, Papa!"

After the meal, Derrick called to see how things were going. He had come down the previous weekend to be there in case things got rough for his father, with the anniversary of Danny's death, and he wanted to make sure that everything was still fine. Paul told him about CJ's illness and said that things were a bit hectic because of it.

When pressed for details, Paul hesitated. Technically, Derrick and Paddy were brothers, and Paul had never discussed one child's misbehavior and discipline with the other. He wasn't about to start now, at least not unless or until Paddy broached the subject with his big brother first.

"Listen, Paddy's champing at the bit to talk with you. Let me put him on while I check on CJ and Caitlin. Don't let him hang up."

"Hi, Derrick. I messed up. I broke a dish. On purpose, but not really."

Derrick told Paddy not to worry about buying presents for him and Deborah. He knew these things happened; it had happened to him often enough when he was growing up. Derrick explained that when he got a little older, Paddy would have more discretion about how much "present money" he could put in his piggy bank and how much he would have to put in the bank account. He would be able to spend the piggy bank money on just about anything he wanted, but he could lose all of it if he misbehaved. He would need Mama and Papa's permission to take money out of the bank account, but they couldn't make him give any of that money for "reparations". And, no, never, never try to fool them by keeping some money in a secret place, like under your socks or behind a book. And once Paddy got big enough to have a wallet, Papa would want that money, too. When Paddy got bigger still, sometimes Papa might give him a choice between paying all the money or being grounded for a long time. And being grounded meant no television, no phone calls, and no computer, except for homework, as well as having to stay in the house. It would be best to try to avoid doing anything bad, but nobody's perfect and Papa wasn't being mean, he was just trying to help Paddy grow up to be a good person. And, not for nothing, it's not just Mama and Papa's bedroom door you shouldn't open. You shouldn't open **any** door to **any** room where Mama and Papa are alone. In fact, make sure they know you're coming even if the door is open.

Paul came back into the room with Caitlin and took the phone from the little boy.

Derrick told him that Paddy told him about the morning's events. "Sounds like you've had a fun Monday, Dad."

"It's been a bit manic. I swear, Derrick, when that bowl hit the floor, CJ started upchucking, and the baby was crying, for a split second I wondered what in hell I had gotten myself into."

"And after that split second?"

"Never any doubts. This new life is a gift from God. So, he told you?"

"Yeah. I filled him in a little, especially about not trying to hide any money. I hope you don't mind. That shipping and handling, that was almost as much as the bowl."

"I'm sure that CJ will have the same reaction when I tell her. But if it didn't go for that, it would have gone into the church envelope. Whatever's in the bank". Again, back in September, when Paul had explained his theories on discipline to CJ, he told her that money and its value was something that kids learned to understand fairly early; he found his methods were much more effective and easier to apply than groundings or denial of things like special events, television, and computer use, especially when the kids were small.

"I know," Derrick said, remembering the time he kept $100.00 from a birthday check from his uncle to impress his friends. Then the next day, he broke curfew for no good reason and didn't even bother to call home. "Dad, you know I would never question your parenting. And if CJ's smart, she won't either. I only hope that when my time comes, I can be half as good a father as you are. Not that that's going to happen anytime soon," he hastened to add. "Oh, he also told me about the things he saw that he shouldn't have. You need to talk with him and make sure he knows he and Maggie can't do them if they 'play house'. I can't have my little brother getting more action than I am."

"That reminds me. Last Thursday, when I went to pick him up at the preschool, they told me that he and some of the other boys were talking about the differences between boys and girls. It seems that one of the mothers got her drawers in a twist, not because they were talking about it, but because Paddy used the correct terms, or as correct as he can pronounce them. You would have thought that 'penis', 'vulva', and vagina' were - anyway, now I have to figure out how to tell him that he didn't do anything wrong but he needs to be cautious about with whom he talks about these things."

"Do you know how many guys **my **age don't know the difference between vulva and vagina? Listen, I still have 100 pages of Con Law to read. Kiss everyone for me. 'Night. Dad. Love you."

"Love you too, Derrick."

He heated Caitlin's bottle, fed her, and got her into her crib for the night. Then he drew a bath for Paddy and sat in the children's bath, reading to the boy while he played with his toys in the tub. After a quick check of ears and face, he helped the child to dry himself, get into his pajamas and into bed, and then read some more to the youngster.

After a quick check on CJ (sleeping again), he went to the study to review his lecture notes for his class on Introduction to Christian Education for Thursday. By 10:30, he was ready to call it a day. How did CJ manage in December when he and Paddy were ill? Of course, the fall semester had just ended at that time and the various department chairs with whom she was working were up to their eyebrows in grading final papers, so she hadn't had to go into work. Plus two of his worst days were over the weekend. But still, she managed to take care of the three of them plus get ready for Deborah and Derrick. Women – the weaker sex?

CJ woke up as he climbed into bed beside her and turned to face him. He intended to just put his arm around her and snuggle her down against his chest but his body had other ideas and reacted to hers.

He tried to keep his arousal away from her but as she made herself comfortable against him, she felt it, brushed her hand across his groin, reached to put her arm at his neck and kiss him, and began to turn onto her back, pulling him with her.

He resisted her efforts. "Sweetheart, I don't want, well, of course, I want, I always want you," he laughed, "I mean, I don't expect you to make love with me when you're sick." He kissed her nose.

"But if you want, it's not like I'd have to do a lot of work," she yawned.

"Look at you. If I did, you'd probably fall asleep before I was done; what would **that** do to my ego?" he joked. "I'll live. Now go to sleep."

"I hear and obey."

"Yeah, right," he thought to himself as he fell asleep, thankful that they had made it through Monday.


	5. Twinkle

**Twinkle**

CJ, Danny, OMCs, OFCs – completely AU; fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult – mentions of "coarse" words

Spoilers through end of series. Also may contain spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down".

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

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_April 4, 2014; Kensington, CA_

CJ woke up, as she usually did, with her head nestled in the underarm of her husband. For a minute, she just breathed in the combination of scents that uniquely identified him to her.

Then, remembering the previous night, she blushed. Did she really say that? It's not as if she had never used the word before, but she had never used it while in bed with either of her husbands, never used it to refer to what they did with each other. She always thought of it as something too ordinary, something that was disrespectful of what first she and Paul, then she and Danny, and now again she and Paul had. She wondered what her husband thought. Unconsciously, she pressed a kiss on his chest as she moved to raise her head and rest it on his shoulder and upper arm.

Paul turned his head to kiss the top of his wife's as he felt her stir against him. He thought back to the events of last night and then to those of the night before last. He knew they had reached a turning point in their young marriage. They had skirted a potentially dangerous situation, but they needed to talk about what had happened, to make sure they were not making assumptions.

_April 2, 2014_

He had been prepared for it to happen. They had even talked about it in the two months between the night he asked her to marry him and the wedding ceremony in Napa. They both knew it was only a matter of time. He had been prepared to be understanding. He had been prepared to be reassuring. He had been prepared to be loving and light, to laugh it off and to proceed to make gentle yet very passionate love with her, to wipe away any doubts, any embarrassment.

He had not been prepared to be the one to do it. However, two nights ago, in this very bed, while holding her, while kissing and caressing her, while moving his body over and between her legs, he did. He heard the words almost before he said them, but was powerless to stop them.

"Oh, Lissy, I want you so much."

A brief second of silence, of two breaths being held, then "CJ, sweetheart, I am so sorry!" He could feel the heat of shame suffuse his body. His ego never entertained the idea that he would be the first one to slip, that he would hurt CJ with the use of his first wife's name. He moved to her side. "Damn it!"

She reached over to him, caressed his jaw, and kissed him.

"It's all right. We both said it would happen sooner or later."

She could feel the heat of his body and knew that he was embarrassed. His ego, huge as it was, was at this point very fragile and she wasn't sure how to react to the situation. This was uncharted territory. She had become accustomed to his confidence, as she had those thirty years ago.

After everything that had happened in the past eighteen months, she was still glad to be taken care of, to let him do the emotional heavy lifting. There had been just the two issues of contention since November. She agreed that he was right about sharing responsibility for the children; he agreed that she had made the right decision about hosting two international students for Thanksgiving dinner. When he told her how he had handled Paddy's outburst when she had the flu, she agreed with his actions after only a small comment about the shipping and handling charge. She didn't feel she was being managed, but at one level, she knew he was doing so. She felt that their life together was the classic "smooth sailing" one.

And now this. Why did it have to be him? She would rather have the embarrassment be on her than on him.

"_He's hurting so much, he's mortified," Alicia could almost feel tears in her eyes. "CJ, girlfriend, you've got to help him! Seduce him! Once you get him started, his natural assertiveness will exert itself, he'll take you as high as he's ever taken you, and then you can talk about it, get past it."_

"_It doesn't bother you?" Danny asked. "He called her by your name."_

"_No, he was, for a moment, in another time. And in that time, he does love me that way, does want me that way. Just as, in another time, she feels the same way about you. Would it really have bothered you if had been her saying someone else's name?"_

"_Yeah," he answered honestly, "I think it would have. I guess that's one of the differences between men and women."_

Perhaps, if there had been light, she would have seen the rare veil of self-doubt in his eyes, would have known that for once, perhaps for the only time in their life together, he needed her to take charge. But they lay there in the darkness, still in each other's arms, each waiting for the other to react.

"_Damn and double-damn!" Alicia was frustrated. "We need to fix this! And **you** shut up!" She looked over at a cackling Wilgefortis (the patron saint of unhappily married women) and stuck out her tongue._

_Danny agreed that the situation shouldn't last for long. However, he was pretty sure that, despite what she had said, CJ was maybe just a teensy bit hurt, and it wouldn't kill Paul to do without for one night. (He tried not to think about what doing without for one night might mean to CJ)._

Eventually, they fell asleep. It was the first night, other than those with cause - the time that he was ill, the time that she was ill, the night of the anniversary of Danny's death, and the two days at the end of February when she experienced a light period ("I guess I'm not totally an old lady") - they had not made love since their wedding.

_April 3, 2014_

The next morning was hectic. Paddy was going on a field trip at preschool and had to be there by 8:15 for the bus. There was cautious light morning verbal affection as they prepared for the day, a rushed kiss as she ran out the door with the boy, but no time to talk.

Sometime during the day, CJ realized what she should have realized last night. The foundations of a wall between them, a wall that must not be built, had been started last night. If he didn't make the first move that evening, she had to be ready to show him that she wasn't hurt, wasn't fearful about her place in his heart, wasn't concerned about his memories of Alicia.

After supper, after she had finished reading to her son, she checked the locks, turned out the kitchen and family room lights, and entered her husband's study. She knelt on the loveseat beside him, took the scholarly journal from his hands, and crushed her open mouth against his.

After a minute or so, he tried to pull her down across his body. She resisted and stood up, pulling on his arms to get him to rise with her. Then she shut off the lamp and, still pulling on his arms, walked backward toward the bedroom wing.

They kissed each other passionately, desperately, as they undressed each other and fell on the bed.

She knew what she needed from him; she knew what he needed to give her. So she put her mouth next to his ear and whispered the words.

"Fuck me hard, Paul. Fuck me hard."

"_CJ!" The only times Danny had ever heard her use that word, it had nothing to do with sex, let alone loving sex._

"_It's what they need now," Alicia said._

"_How did you get so smart? For a one-man woman, you sure know a lot."_

"_I was married to him for more than twenty years. When he gets unsure of himself, it's the best way to get him back on track. Make sure he knows that he's needed as a man. And believe me, she needs to be shown. The two of you never went through this?"_

_He thought about it. "Yeah, we did, but I think we were able to realize it without one of us having to verbalize it. Anyway, I thought his constant self-assuredness got on your nerves at times, that maybe, every once in a blue moon, you wanted him to have some doubt."_

"_Part of me did, but the better part of me knew that it was precisely that self-assuredness that allowed him to be so loving to me and the kids, so even-tempered, so gracious no matter the situation. Anyway, I think they're on the right track. Let's go over to Saturn and get some pizza."_

After it was over, after he had raised himself on his arms and relentlessly thrust into her, after she had met every thrust with one of her own, lifting her hips from the bed to meet his with a resounding "thud", after they climaxed together in shouts that caused her glasses to fall from the nightstand, he grabbed hold of her right hip and rotated backwards, pulling her with him.

As he stroked her hair, he kept whispering "Sweetheart", still wondering if he would ever find a secret name for her. Nothing captured the way he felt when he was with her. Danny's "Jeannie" came close, but that belonged to the two of them. "Didi" didn't suit her; neither did "Gabby", from her confirmation name. So, for now, he fell back on the term he had chanced upon when they were first together, relying on the hoarseness that overtook his throat when passion overtook his heart ("my private Barry White", she said with a smile) to convey what she meant to him.

Meanwhile, she played with his chest hair and kissed his throat, pulling him closer to her with the right leg that was hooked against the back of his thighs.

They drifted off to sleep before he slipped from her body.

_April 4, 2014_

He only had one appointment this morning, at 11:00. They could spend extra time with each other.

He moved his head back so he could see her face and kissed her mouth. Breaking away, he traced her brows, the curve of her nose, and the outline of her jaw with his index finger.

"I love you, CJ. I loved you then and I love you now. And in between, I think I loved you subconsciously, especially after 1998, when I found out where you were and what you were doing with your life. I would never hurt you, either physically or emotionally. Please forgive me for -"

She reached up and put her fingers against his mouth.

"There's nothing to forgive; we both said it was bound to happen. We both said that it would be foolish to pretend that we weren't happily married to someone else, that we weren't deeply in love with someone else. That's why we have all those pictures of you and Alicia, all those pictures of Danny and me, on the credenza in the living room. That's why the sketches of the twins are in your study. That's why there are pictures of Danny and Alicia in the kids' rooms. And that's why I asked you if I could make a reduced copy of that sketch of you and keep a copy on my desk over there. (She didn't tell him about the copy of the sketch, the one Alicia had labeled "Morning Has Broken", that she kept in her desk at work, away from the eyes of her assistant and her visitors, but always there when she opened the drawer. In the politically correct world of Berkeley, "pinup pictures" of either sex were taboo.)

"I know you love me, Paul. You show me every day, and not just here, in bed. You are my rock."

He kissed her fingers.

"But there is. Something for you to forgive, something for which I need to apologize."

He told her that he had assumed that she would be the one, that she would use Danny's name. He told her that he had planned to be "Mr. Perfect" about it. He told her that his ego, his pride, was his biggest sin, that he needed her to let him know when he was getting too over the top.

"If only you weren't right about it 99 percent of the time," she laughed. "And, about that. I should have been more proactive, should have let you know right away by actions and not just words, that it wasn't an issue. I guess I was waiting for you to take the lead. See what happens with a submissive wife?" She smiled up at him.

He smiled back and snuggled his groin closer to hers. "Submissive? CJ, sweetheart, you are **not** submissive, by any means, and I wouldn't want you that way." He kissed her nose. "The truth of the matter is, you are extremely intelligent and therefore you know that I happen to be right just about all the time."

"Then let's say, I'm so used to deferring to your 'rightness' that I didn't react when you were wrong, when you didn't pick up and continue to make love to me – with me," she corrected herself before he could. She could feel him growing against her. It was going to be a nice morning. She moved her legs in order to press her groin against his and then winced slightly.

"Sweetheart?" His eyes noticed the slight grimace.

"Just a little sore from last night. A **good** sore," she emphasized, wanting to erase the trace of guilt that started creeping over his face. "Remember, I was the one who asked. And about that, I don't know where that word came from - "

"According to educated opinion, it's of Anglo-Saxon derivation, and isn't an acronym for anything," he laughed and kissed her mouth, then moved his head down toward her breast and his hand toward the juncture of her legs.

"I mean, it's come to denote something tawdry, or uncaring, not what we have," she stopped and sighed as his fingers, having (as always) ascertained that she was ready to receive him, moved lightly over her core, then slightly harder, then lightly again.

"No more linguistics lessons," he softly ordered as he gently pushed her to the bed and came over her, watching her face, prepared to stop his entry at the first sign of any discomfort.

"Ma! Ma! Mamamama Ma! Ma!" Caitlin's voice changed from glee to wail as it came over the baby monitor.

Earlier in the week when this happened, he managed a "quickie" for himself (and then took care of her frustration in the shower after the baby had been changed and given a couple of banana slices).

But today, he wanted to be slow and tender, so they each groaned, then looked at each other and smiled. Then they got up, she to tend to Caitlin, he to take a shower.

She came into the master bath as he was shaving, and she sat on the commode seat, holding the child. He had already put some toothpaste on her toothbrush and set it by her vanity. She brushed with one hand, admiring his nude profile, and rinsed.

"This is getting to be a pattern. I'm wondering if morning sex will become a distant memory for us," she commented.

"When the twins were seven, we started putting some milk in a small plastic pitcher in the fridge on Friday nights. Saturday mornings became the one day of the week they were allowed to eat cold, pre-sweetened cereal, and the one day they were allowed to eat it in the family room in front of the television." He smiled at her.

"Caitlin won't be seven for another five and a half years," CJ pouted.

"Paddy will be in full-day kindergarten starting in the fall. And this little one should be ready for a morning or two of day-care a week. We just need to arrange our schedules so that we are both free for at least one morning a week. Of course, one of us would have to drive the kids, but the other could be peeling and seeding the grapes, putting the rose petals in the bed, unplugging the phones. There are always ways." He put down his razor, wiped his face, and walked over to her. "We can always set the alarm for an hour earlier." He bent down to kiss her, his hand caressing the child's head, down her back, and then up her mother's arm.

He dressed, woke up Paddy, and fed the children while she showered.

Later, as he was leaving for campus, he asked her if she wanted him to pick up something for lunch.

"We're having fettuccine with white clam sauce for supper. Get something for you and Paddy and just a salad for me." CJ was keeping the Lenten abstinence.

After lunch, they took the kids walking, with Paul carrying Caitlin on his shoulders. They stopped at the local playground and let the kids use have fun with the swings, the slide, and the seesaw.

Paul's cell rang. It was Derrick. He had found sitters for this coming Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. No, the girl he would be bringing to dinner on Friday was just a friend, someone who greatly admired his famous stepmother.

Dartmouth had made it to the Frozen Four, which was being played in Seattle this year. Many of Paul's old teammates were going to be there to lend their support, especially since they were the ones who had last made it this far, getting third place in 1979 and 1980. So Paul, CJ, and the kids were going to drive up on Wednesday and Thursday and stay until Sunday. He didn't think he would get a chance to introduce CJ to his old friends until next year, when his class would be celebrating reunion, so the NCAA hockey tournament was a pleasant surprise and he was glad he was able to get someone to cover for his teaching assignments on Wednesday, Thursday and then Monday. Dartmouth would be facing a strong Michigan team in the semis, so they might not make the finals on Saturday, but he was hoping.

They had hoped that the walk and the playground would tire Paddy, but the child had no desire to take a nap that afternoon. However, the stolen kisses and caresses only made the night more anticipated.

_Later that evening_

CJ finished the chapter of the book she was reading to Paddy, closed the volume, and reached down to kiss the little boy.

"Mama, I'm not tired. I don't want to go to sleep."

"Then you can color or play with your transformers. You just have to stay on the bed and in your room."

Earlier, when she had told him it was time for bed, he made a similar fuss. Then Paul fixed him with a stare and said his name; the little boy got up, kissed the man goodnight, grabbed onto CJ's hand, and went to the bedroom wing of the house. She sighed, but she knew it was typical for his age; fathers were stronger authority figures than mothers. She smiled as she remembered the way Danny handled the little boys back in Santa Monica. Manny Hammash had Eric Cartman's "But, Mo-o-o-o-o-om-mm!" down pat, but one look from Danny shut him up in an instant.

As she shut Paddy's door, she noticed that the rest of the house was dark; the only light was a dim one coming from their bedroom. She checked on Caitlin and went to her husband.

He was sitting cross-legged on the bed but rose as she came into the room. He had turned on the electric candles and was wearing burgundy silk pajama bottoms. There were two brandy snifters of an amber liquid on the nightstand.

He grasped her to him, his hand holding her head in place while he kissed her.

"As I recall, we were doing this about 13 hours ago and it was quite pleasant," he said.

"I'll. Be. Right. Back."

She kissed him once for each word and backed away from him, heading toward the bathroom. She stopped in the dressing area between the main part of the bedroom and the bath, opening a drawer and finding the negligee he had given her for Christmas.

Three minutes later, she was back at his side.

"I like seeing you in the candlelight," she whispered into his ear. "Maybe we should see about getting one of those ventless wood stoves in here."

"Good idea." He kissed her nose, and handed her one of the snifters.

"This cordial that Aisling developed is quite good, isn't it?" Paul breathed in the vapors from his glass.

Aisling was studying biology and chemistry at St. Andrews in Scotland with the intent to become a child psychiatrist, but Angus was also training her to take over the MacDonald distillery. He felt that she had the best nose and the best skill of her generation. For years, Angus had tried to develop something to compete with the best Scotch liqueurs and creams, but nothing he concocted stood out above the Drambuies, the Lochan Oras, and the products of the other small distilleries. However, Aisling had managed to come up with a blend of honey, herbs, and spices that Angus felt was worthy of the MacDonald name and was planning to sell it next fall. For now, only family members were aware of it and the amber liquid had brightened Danny's last days.

"Yes. Robin says that Angus will formally turn over the distillery to her when she gets her degrees." She set down her glass, took the one from his hand, and set it beside its mate. "But I'd rather you held something else."

Even in the dim light of the electric candles, she could see the glimmering, glinting twinkle in his eyes that accompanied the smile on his mouth. "Why not do both?" He picked up one of the glasses in one hand, and led her to one of the easy chairs with the other. Sitting down, he pulled her onto his lap, took a small sip from the glass, and then kissed her, passing some of the liqueur to her mouth.

A few minutes later, he had untied the top of her negligee and was tracing the circumference of her left areola with a finger that had been dipped in the liquid. Replacing the finger with his mouth, his hand had crept under the hem of her gown and was bringing her to satisfaction.

After she finished quaking, he nudged her to her feet and led her to their bed. Her gown fell to the floor as they walked. He stripped off his pajamas and eased himself over her. He entered her slowly, again watching her face for any sign of discomfort from the previous day's activity. Now, as on their wedding night, his path was unimpeded but the fit was hand in glove. Now, as on their wedding night, he took an unrepentant primal male satisfaction in the knowledge that while he might not be noticeably larger than her first husband, neither was he noticeably smaller.

"_Is there really a lot of difference in men?" Alicia asked Brianna. "My personal knowledge is limited to Paul and a few male models in studio class." The two of them were sitting by Rainbow Bridge, eating chocolates and drinking Poinsettias. Hugh and Jem were practicing for the caber toss at the upcoming Heavenly Highland Games; Danny was throwing sticks with Pistol at the far edge of the land around the Bridge._

"_And me own to Jem, Danny, and Hugh. Me cousin Moira told me that there ken be quite a bit of difference, but that since most of the feeling is from the center, ye understand, what a man does with wha' he has is more important. However, she did say that being filled ta capacity feels much better than having to be constantly squeezin' in. An' Moira, she put more store by a heavy set of balls, she liked the feel of them hitting against her bottom. But then again, she was one of 'em that enjoyed a playful spanking, so take that wi' a grain o' salt._

"_In any event, from best as I can judge, Danny might have been a wee bit longer than Paul, at most a half-inch, but Paul appears to be thicker 'round, so it likely evens out in the end. And as far as Moira's ideas about the scrotum, it appears that the two of them are well-gifted in that respect." And Hugh was larger than either of them, larger than Jem as well, but this was knowledge she was keeping to herself. _

_Danny heard the last of the conversation and was glad to know that he stacked up and was a bit embarrassed that it mattered to him, even now. He decided that he didn't want to interrupt the ladies, to let them know that he was in earshot, and so crept away, wondering where Jem and Hugh were._

"_I wonder why women never wonder about the comparative size of their vaginas." Alicia laughed._

"_Because men want us to worry about the size of our boobs."_

Paul braced himself on his forearms, his right hand folding both of hers against the top of her head, his eyes still staring into hers.

"Sweetheart, put your legs around me." He loved the depth he felt when she did that. Still he moved gently and slowly, but kept himself pushed deep inside her, knowing that he was giving her the contact she needed.

"I love you, CJ, I love being with you like this."

He buried his face in her neck, kissed her throat over and over. He wanted to make this last, he wanted to come with her this time.

She moved her head, her lips touching first his brow, then the bridge of his nose. Her voice came in small pants.

"Love. You. Want. You. More. More."

Later, when her feet began to beat against his butt, he knew that he was about to take her to where she needed to go and he lifted himself unto his hands and increased the intensity and the rhythm, pulling out slightly before thrusting, but not as hard as he did the previous night. As he felt her begin her quiver, he let loose with a guttural cry, and pressed in hard while she went over the edge.

He collapsed against her torso for a minute, then pulled her with him as he rolled to his side, kissing her eyes and her nose.

"My lady, my love, my ladylove, my ladylove." Finally, he had a name for her, a name for just the two of them.

After a few minutes, she reached to trace his mustache, then his eyebrows.

"That was - ", she struggled for the right word.

"Ethereal," he suggested.

"Yes, but also sacred, almost - ".

"Sacramental." Again, he completed her thought.

Well, he was the theologian, she thought. "And that's why I wonder where I came up with, you know, what I said last night."

"Because we both knew that we needed to know that we are physically bound to each other, that we each, in a way, own each other's bodies, that we each have the right to demand satisfaction from each other."

"But that word seems so harsh, so lacking in the love that underlies that right."

"All of them do." He ran his hand down her spine, made a little circle on her butt, and then lifted in hand to her neck and repeated the action.

"All what?" she asked.

"All the other words. Bone. Poke. Stick. Pound. Pile-drive. Dick. Bang. Hump. Shag. Nail. Boink. None of them have the connotation of love, of caring."

"But neither do they imply the crassness that 'fuck' does."

"Because it has come to mean doing something for spite, for meanness, for assertiveness, to inflict degrading feelings," he answered, "but let's not spoil this afterglow."

He began to kiss her again, lightly, all over her face. She responded with little kisses and caresses of her own. Their bodies began to prepare themselves for an encore performance.

And no one except God in His heaven and one anxiously waiting little soul knew that one little sperm cell from their first lovemaking had broken away from the others and was being drawn to its destiny, was swimming to the little ovum that was a little over half-way down her right fallopian tube.

This time, he pulled her right leg over his left hip and scissored her left one between his. With his right arm under her head and around her shoulders, his left hand held her backside tight against him as, rampant once more, he slipped inside her.

The walls that had started to rise up two nights ago were obliterated.

"_Alicia!" _

_Danny came running up to her._

"_Look! See what's happening!" He pointed to the bedroom in the hills above Berkeley._

"_Danny!" she scolded. "You know we shouldn't watch!" She was glad that the two of them had worked out this crisis of Paul using her name while making love to CJ, but if she and Danny stopped to watch every time that Paul and CJ made love, a) they would start getting envious and b) they would have no time to Swirl and to enjoy everything that heaven had to offer._

"_No, not them, well, yes, but not really. See that?" He pointed to the almost imperceptible twinkle of light entering the bedroom. It hovered above the couple locked in embrace. "That's Mrs. Ken – I mean, Jackie."_

The twinkle burrowed into CJ, then flashed inside her. The couple in the bed, with eyes only for each other, were unaware of what had just happened, would not know for almost three months.

"_Oh, Danny!"_

"_If all goes well, and we should start praying up a storm that it does, we'll have a little girl in January."_

_Caught up in the moment, Alicia began to move around him in a circle. Caught up in the moment, he duplicated her action. Before they realized it, they had built up their own little set of walls, but not before a set of Alicia's came tumbling down._

_**Epilog**_

"What was I doing, Papa? That time Paddy and Caitlin were in the swings?"

"Dansha darling, that was when you were just a twinkle in my eye."


	6. Fathers and Sons

**Fathers and Sons**

CJ/Danny, other characters, alternative universe, fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Teen—I guess

Spoilers through end of series; also contains spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

_11:15 PM, April 11, 2014; Seattle, WA_

CJ finished the last of her coffee and looked up to see her stepson returning to the table. As always, she was struck by Derrick's strong resemblance to his father at that age, and her heart remembered the many times she watched Paul approach her.

It had been a very enjoyable "between" day. Last night, Dartmouth scored a last minute goal to beat Michigan 3-2; tomorrow night, they would face a tired North Dakota, who needed two overtimes to defeat a pesky Colorado team in the second game of the day – go Big Green!

Derrick had had classes this morning and had to work this afternoon. She, Paul, and the children spent the morning doing some light sightseeing on their own and then spent the afternoon with Paul's teammates and their families on a chartered trip around Puget Sound, including stops on some of the islands. Now the kids were (hopefully) sound asleep in their room at the Embassy Suites with the sitter and she, Paul, Derrick, and his friend ("She's just a friend") Gillian were finishing a very pleasant extended dinner at a waterfront restaurant.

The conversation had been easy and flowing. They had only been interrupted once by fellow diners who recognized CJ from the White House, the Nobel, or both, and were seeking an autograph, and once by a former congressman from those days. In both cases, the interruptions were minimal and pleasant, and included both sympathy for the loss of Danny and best wishes for her new life and new (albeit old) love.

Derrick sat down easily and glanced at his watch. "Sorry I took so long. Listen, Gillian and I both had long days, with Torts at 8:00 this morning, and she has an early assignment at the firm where she's clerking, so if you don't mind, we should call it a night."

"Of course." Paul Reeves smiled at his son and his son's companion. "Now, if I can just find our waiter." He reached into his inside breast pocket for his wallet.

"Your money and your plastic aren't any good here, Dad, I've got it."

For half a second, Paul was taken aback. He was the father, the head of the household. Paying for meals was **his** responsibility. His son needed his money for books and expenses. He needed to spend his time studying, not working extra hours to pay for meals in expensive restaurants like this one.

"Nonsense. I'll get it."

Derrick stared directly at his father. "I've already paid the bill, Dad," he said quietly.

CJ put a hand on her husband's thigh and squeezed. "Your father and I thank you, Derrick."

Then, very softly to her husband while glancing toward Gillian, "Let it go."

Paul understood her message. Don't embarrass your son; don't make a scene in front of his young woman friend. "Thank you, son."

However, as the two men were assisting their ladies with their wraps and helping them to their feet, Paul told Derrick in a low undertone, "We'll discuss this later."

Derrick drove his father and stepmother to the Embassy Suites, where he picked up the baby-sitter and took her home. He dropped Gillian at her apartment and then returned to his own apartment. He would be cooking brunch for his family the next morning and wanted to get up early enough to make sure everything was just right.

Meanwhile, Paul was venting to CJ as they were sipping Bailey's in the front room of the suite. "He doesn't have that kind of money to throw around!"

"Apparently, he thinks he does. Remember when your folks came out to visit? How much you planned and budgeted in order to take the four of us to Chez Panisse? And how you fought with your father about the bill? Can't you see Derrick in your shoes?"

"You're right." He kissed her forehead, remembering how he and his father had fought over the check in the dining room. His mother finally convinced his father to let Paul cover the tab. Maybe that was why Derrick apparently arranged to pay the bill as part of his trip to the men's room.

"I guess I still think of him as a boy, CJ. I should have accepted his gesture with thanks." But Paul also remembered that several days after his parents returned to New York, he had found three fifty dollar bills in his sock drawer. Derrick was making them brunch tomorrow before a trip to the zoo, followed by dinner with his old teammates and the hockey championship game. Tomorrow morning, he should be able to sneak into his son's room and slip the money into his dresser.

She turned her back to him and he undid her zipper. He also unhooked her bra, slipped the dress and undergarment from her arms and began to caress her. He kissed her neck as his right hand slipped below her pantyhose.

She brought her head back against his shoulder. "Ooh!"

"Sweetheart?" He stopped his hand movements.

"I guess I'm a bit tender." Her left hand came up over his, where it rested against her right breast.

"Sweetheart, maybe you should see someone, have it checked out." He knew that she hadn't had any more lumps in her breasts since the ones that were found in 2009, but he was still apprehensive. Once bitten, twice shy, as they say.

"I'll try to pay attention. If it doesn't go away, or if it comes back." She turned to face him. "How about seducing me?" she whispered into his ear.

His response was to kiss her deeply, draw the both of them to their feet, pick her up, and carry her to the bed. "Shall I take the kids into the other room?"

She moved her head from side to side. "I'll try to be quieter tonight." Last night, he needed to clamp his hand over her mouth when she climaxed. Even with that action, Paddy had whimpered and stirred, but, praise the Lord, hadn't awakened.

"When we get home Monday night, I going to make you shout," he smiled as he pressed his mouth to her breast, reached for the juncture of her thighs, and proceeded to make her swallow the feelings he raised in her.

Later, they lay in each other's arms, talking in whispers.

"Gillian seems like a very nice girl." He played with her hair.

"She is, but - "

"But what?" he interrupted her, looking into her eyes.

"Derrick may consider her to be only a friend, but she definitely sees him as more than that," she answered. "She's being very laid back and cool about it, but she has that 'get him to the altar' look about her. There's nothing wrong with that, and she obviously has good taste, but if Derrick doesn't feel that way about her and doesn't realize that her view of the relationship is more serious than his view, it could cause problems. Especially if the relationship gets to a point where he thinks it's 'friends with benefits' and she thinks it's a serious love affair. I just need to figure out how to tell him."

"_Thank you, girlfriend, I saw it as soon as you did." Alicia sat down on a cloud bank._

"You're turning into a first-class mother," Paul kissed her and moved off the bed.

"_I told her she'd get good at new things." Danny handed Alicia the two frozen margaritas he was holding and sat down beside her. Then he took one of the drinks and set the plate of nachos between them. It was almost time for the boys' soccer game to start. Pistol grabbed one of the nachos and plopped down beside Danny._

"Where are you going?" CJ asked. "I was hoping for more."

"I'm just picking up this clothing and getting something for us to put on after, in case Paddy wakes up before we do."

As he walked back to the bed with her sleep shirt and his pajama bottoms, she could see in the moonlight that he was ready to fulfill her hopes.

He slipped into bed and pulled her with him as he turned to his back.

"Ride me, sweetheart."

_Saturday April 12, 2014_

Derrick's apartment was small but modernized. He had set up a card table in the living area but was serving the brunch (blueberry muffins, sausage links, cheese and mushroom quiche) buffet-style on the counter that also served as the normal eating area for the apartment.

"Several of us are planning to rent an older house next year," he told them. "For one thing, I miss having people around. Last year, living in grad student housing was too much like the dorms, way too noisy, but this isn't any fun. There will be four of us so it should be a happy medium. And I definitely don't like having the bathroom inside the bedroom," he added as Paul came back from his restroom trip. "How about some more coffee? Paddy, you okay in there, buddy?"

The child was watching Saturday morning television in the bedroom. They had propped up Caitlin between pillows on the bed. "Muffin and juice, please."

"In a minute. So this afternoon we do the zoo and then early dinner with everyone else before the game?" Derrick asked. "By the way, it's a different sitter for tonight. Her name is Kayla."

"I really appreciate your arranging all this," CJ reached over and kissed her stepson. "It's made the trip so much more enjoyable. I remember the first time we traveled with Paddy, I was so nervous about leaving him. Now, I'm an old hand at leaving them with strangers."

"I've always depended on the kindness of strangers," Derrick did his best/worst Blanche DuBois imitation while his father groaned and threw his napkin at his son.

"No, Caitlin, it's not nice to snoop! Oops!" The sound of a crash came from the next room, followed by crying.

CJ, Paul, and Derrick rushed into the bedroom to find Caitlin sitting on her fanny with the upended drawer of the nightstand on the floor in front of her. CJ picked up the crying child and took her to the bathroom to check for cuts while Derrick picked up the drawer and returned it to its slot.

"Let me help you," Paddy told his brother, picking up the spilled contents. "Derrick, I know my letters! What's T-R-O-J-?"

"It's somebody who lived in a place called Troy," Paul quickly interjected. "You wanted a muffin. Why don't you go finish the last one?" He pushed the younger boy toward the main living area while the older one blushed and picked up the rest of the items from the floor.

"Sorry about that, Dad."

"It was completely unforeseen. I just hope he doesn't want any more of an explanation. I'm not sure I could handle it with a pre-schooler."

_Later that day_

CJ stretched out on the bed, then realized she was alone.

The afternoon at the zoo had been very nice and they had come back to rest a bit before the evening's activities.

As she walked into the bathroom, she could hear the low murmur of voices coming from the front room. Apparently, Paul had awoken and was talking with Derrick. Without meaning to, she picked up a few words. "Not really." "Actually, only her since Thanksgiving." "You do realize that nothing is 100 percent safe, son." "Of course I don't mind, Dad. I'll probably still want your advice when I'm your age."

She smiled, and then became a bit wistful as she returned to the bed. She could easily imagine Danny having such a conversation with an older Paddy and she was sorry that her son would not know and appreciate his father the way Derrick did his. Danny would have been such a good father. Of course, Paul would be as close with Paddy as he was with Derrick, she thought as she dozed off again.

"_I'm kind of sad about that myself," Danny remarked to Jem and Hugh. "I've got the twins, but apparently, they will be eleven for eternity."_

"_Be grateful for what you do have. You've got a good man taking care of your wife, that's a blessing," Jem looked at Hugh, "and your children. And you **have** children."_

_Danny could hear the sadness in Jem's voice and felt a little guilty – that thing about crying about no shoes and meeting someone with no feet and all. "You're right. Hey, let's go over to Proxima Centauri; I'm sure we could get a tee time right away."_

CJ woke to the tickle of her husband's beard and mustache as he kissed her.

"Derrick's gone to pick up the babysitter."

She stretched and returned the kiss. "Did you get any sleep?"

"No, Derrick and I had a really good talk. He wanted me to know that he wasn't just sleeping around, as he put it. Then we got into many things. He told me that he envied me my innocence, would you believe?"

"Innocence? Did he think that we were saints?" she laughed.

"He meant the lack of concern about AIDS and other STDs. When you think about it, we were probably the last generation that used condoms only for birth control. STDs didn't happen to 'nice' people like us, and once we knew that we were going to be together, moving from them to contraceptives was a given.

"One thing I did clear up with him, for some reason, he thought we were all wild and indiscriminate. I don't know if I ever told you, sweetheart, but there were only five girls before you, and only one between you and Alicia."

"You told me about the ones at Dartmouth, but just one, in almost three years?"

"It took me over a year to get over you, CJ."

She reached up, stroked his face and wondered briefly, what if? Then she started giggling.

"CJ?"

"I'm sorry, I just remembered the embarrassed look on his face when Caitlin spilled the drawer and Paddy started spelling the letters. And what if Paddy had asked again what it was for?"

"I would have told him I'd explain later, not mentioning that later meant about ten years."

"Ten? Only ten?" CJ looked a bit upset.

"If we're lucky, it won't be seven or eight, sweetheart." He kissed her once more. "Now let's start getting ready; Derrick is going to bring pizza and junk food for Paddy and the sitter."

_Sunday, April 13, 2014_

Derrick stood with CJ waiting for Paul to pull around to the front of the hotel. Paddy was skipping up and down the sidewalk, proudly wearing his bright green "NCAA 2014 Hockey Champions" Tee-shirt.

"_If I squint, it says Notre Dame, not Dartmouth," Danny said to Alicia. _

_She laughed and socked his arm. "Paul couldn't be happier if he had scored the winning goal himself."_

"By the way, tell Dad he should have been more careful if he wanted to get away with this. He left the drawer partially open." Derrick tried to hand CJ several folded pieces of currency.

"No way I'm getting involved," she laughed as she backed away from his outstretched hand. "It was bad enough when I was twenty and it was him and your grandfather. Now, what you may or may not want to do with it when you next come down to see us - ", she left the sentence hanging.

"Seriously, Derrick, I know you wanted us to be your guests, but he does want you to have the money. Maybe you can put it toward something useful for that house you'll be renting next year.Then you can consider it a gift."

"Okay, Mo-**ther**," he teased her. "And thanks for the advice about Gillian."

Yesterday afternoon, she told him about her observations. "One thing a lot of guys don't think about is how their lives can be affected by relationships. For one thing, if there's a pregnancy, you have absolutely no say in the matter. The girl may choose to abort a baby that you would have wanted to raise or she may choose to give birth to a child that you would have to help support for the next twenty years. It's her body and her choice, and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but your life and your emotions can be changed forever. A lot of guys don't think about that until they are presented with a _fait accompli_. We just don't want to see you hurt."

"_Amen, sister." Alicia let out a sigh of relief._

Paul pulled up and the two men loaded the luggage and other gear while CJ strapped the children into their seats.

"Take care, buddy," Derrick high-fived Paddy, then hugged his parents. "It was great having you guys here. Call me tonight from the motel and then when you get home tomorrow."

_Mid-May 2014, Kensington, CA_

CJ woke to an empty bed.

She had some idea of where her husband was. She put on a robe and walked to the study door.

He was sitting with his back to her, looking toward the city. Did he want to be alone? She remembered the similar day in February; she had been grateful for the show of understanding, for the comfort.

She came up behind him. Alicia's picture and the box with the negligee were in his lap, his hands resting on them.

CJ placed her arm across his breastbone, her hand on his left shoulder. She gently kissed the top of his head.

He reached for her hand and kissed her knuckles. Then he looked up at her. His eyes were bright with pain, but no tears.

"Can I get you anything, darling?"

"Maybe a cup of tea." He tried to smile.

She kissed the spot between his eyebrows and went to make the beverage.

For the past five years, since he had returned from Southeast Asia, he had spent this day with his children. This year, however, the final exam gods were not on the side of the grieving minister and the twins. Both Deborah and Derrick had finals today; Deborah also had one yesterday and Derrick would have one tomorrow. Paul would be alone in his grief.

Not quite alone. She would give her husband the same support, the same comfort, and the same space he had given her three months ago. Both of them were secure enough in their love for each other, and their knowledge of each other's love, that grief for a first spouse was no threat to their marriage. If anything, it would bind them closer together.

She was glad that she had arranged with Amy and Will Marshall to have Paddy spend the previous night and most of today with Billy. She knew that Paul would want to appear as "normal" as possible for Paddy if he were there. If Paddy wanted to play catch, or go to the park, Paul would try to accommodate the boy.

She brought him the tea and asked if he wanted company or if he wanted to be by himself.

"Sit with me?"

After a while, he began to talk, to share things. And it didn't hurt to hear them, even when he talked about private, intimate things.

"When I saw her with a wet cloth, easing off the band-aid, millimeter by millimeter, I knew that in that one respect, it would be different with her than with you. But the look on her face that first time, CJ, it was the same look you had, and I was so glad to be able to put that look on both your faces."

After a while, he dozed off, his head against her breast.

She was feeling queasy and was looking for some crackers when Paddy came home. She had had the same thing three or four times in the past two weeks, plus she was more tired and listless than usual. Maybe she was catching something.

In any event, she couldn't stop Paddy from running into the study.

"Papa!"

"Papa? Papa, why are you sad?"

Paul explained to the child that he was sad because he missed Deborah and Derrick's mother very much today, the same way his Mama missed his Daddy back in February.

"But Aunt Alicia's in heaven with Daddy. He'll take care of her."

"I'm sure he will." Paul hugged the little boy.

Paddy looked down at the picture. "She's so pretty. She looks like Deborah." He touched the negligee. "And this smells nice."

Paul was taken back to the day the twins were born and lost control. He began to sob uncontrollably.

"I'm sorry, Papa. I'm sorry you're sad." He put his arms around the man.

Paul caught his breath and wiped his eyes. "Thank you. You know, I felt bad because Derrick and Deborah couldn't be here with me, but I have you, and your Mama and your sister, so I'm not alone."

"Papa?"

"Yes, child?"

"Jeffrey says that boys who cry are sissies."

Paul sighed. Several other parents also had issues with Jeffrey, the oldest boy in the pre-school. He tended to bully the younger children.

"Well, Jeffrey is just wrong. It's a good thing to be brave and to not show your fear, but if something makes you sad, it's okay for you to cry. Don't let Jeffrey make you think that you are any less of a big boy just because you might cry sometimes. Real men care about their friends and family. Always remember that."

"Yes, Papa. Is it okay if I just sit with you for a while?"

"I'd like that very much."

CJ smiled through her own tears as she tiptoed away from the study door.

_Mid-July 2014, Albion, CA_

CJ finished the last of the dishes, softly humming to herself. She could hear the sound of axe hitting wood and looked out the kitchen window.

Paul was splitting the logs he had sawed yesterday. He had removed his shirt in the heat and she could see the sweat glistening on his arms and his chest.

CJ sighed. Apparently, her second trimester hormones were kicking in and her libido was about to go into overdrive. Not that she minded (and Paul certainly didn't), but in a few hours, Deborah, Derrick, and Alicia's father would be arriving for a week. Playing host and hostess would definitely cut into their private time.

Pouring two glasses of lemonade, she carried them outside, along with the dishtowel, which she hung on the clothesline that ran from the kitchen door toward the woodshed.

"Thirsty?"

Paul turned around at the sound of her voice, set down the axe and smiled. He picked up his T-shirt and wiped the sweat from his face.

"Bless you." He kissed her, took one of the glasses from her hand, and emptied it in one long gulp.

"Would you like mine?" she asked, laughing.

"No, thanks, sweetheart." He set the glass on the stump he was using to hold the logs, stepped behind her, and wrapped his arms around her waist. Nuzzling into her neck with his lips, he caressed the slight, almost imperceptible bulge.

She leaned back into his strong body, reveling in the security of his embrace. It seemed that every time he had a chance to touch her stomach, to caress the child within her, he acted on it.

"It's still almost unbelievable, you and me creating a baby together. I just hope everyone doesn't think we're crazy."

"Would it matter if they did, Paul?" She turned around to face him, to look at his face.

"God, no!" He pulled her close. "CJ, as long as - "

His phone rang. Derrick, Deborah, and Joe were in Garberville, about two hours away. Did they need anything?

"Paul," CJ played with the hair on her husband's chest, "Paddy will be with the Ambersons for another hour and I just put Caitlin down for a nap - "

He turned her toward the house, and they started walking toward the door. "I'll be showered in 5 minutes."

"Don't bother."

"Sweetheart, I'm dirty and I smell - "

"Like a man." She pulled his head down and crushed his mouth onto hers.

_Later that afternoon_.

"They're here! They're here!"

Paddy tore out of the house and ran to the drive where Derrick had just stopped his car.

Paul, carrying Caitlin, and CJ followed.

Deborah was the first out of the car; she hugged her father and took Caitlin into her arms.

Derrick was being bombarded by Cyclone Paddy.

Paul opened the front passenger door and helped the white-haired man sitting there to his feet.

"Joe." He enveloped the man in a bear hug. "Thank you for coming."

Joe Dawson stepped back a half step and put his hands on each side of his son-in-law's face. "It's so good to see you smile like that again." Then he turned to face CJ. "And this is the person who's put that smile back in your life." He held out both hands to the woman. "I'm Joe". He pulled her in for a kiss. "I'm so glad to finally meet you. Derrick and Deborah have nothing but good things to say about you."

The man might be over eighty, but you could tell that he had played football, had played it well.

"I'm Paddy. What do I call you?"

"Well, Derrick calls me Granddad. You could call me that, unless that would mix you up with your real grandfathers."

"They're both in heaven with Daddy. I have Grandpa Jed." It took Joe half a second to realize that the child was referring to the former President. "Can you be Grandpa Joe?"

"I'd be honored, _nieto_."

"That's what Maggie's _abuelo_ calls Mike and Steve! Are you like an _abuelo_?"

"Yes, I am. It means grandfather in Spanish. Teaching Spanish used to be my job."

"Why don't we all go to the deck?" Paul suggested.

_Later that evening_.

Joe sat back on the lounge on the deck and observed the family around him.

Last fall, when Paul had called him, had told him that he was remarrying, and asked for his blessing, Joe was overjoyed. If there was ever a man that was meant to be a husband and father, it was Paul Reeves. The only person who could possibly enjoy marriage in all its dimensions – physical, emotional, intellectual – more than Paul would be the woman married to Paul. How his Alicia had glowed when she first told Joe about the young man in his final year of divinity school, the one who told her that he wanted her body but that he would wait for their wedding night; and how she had glowed even more the first time he saw the young couple after their honeymoon. He had been concerned at first when Alicia said she wanted to drop out of Yale after her sophomore year to follow this man to West Virginia and wherever else God called him, but all the degrees in the world would not have given his little girl one-tenth the joy and satisfaction that this man had given her. Then when Alicia died, not two years after her mother, how he and Paul had sobbed in each other's arms. Joe alone understood why Paul had to leave the twins with Alicia's older sister and Joe had been afraid that Paul, like himself, would never find love again.

But here Paul was, with a beautiful, intelligent, and charming wife, a woman who had known presidents and potentates, who had revolutionized the manner in which rich men and women helped their fellow human beings, and with two young children who would be only the better for being raised to adulthood by Paul.

The sun was just setting and the night creatures were singing. Paul was passing out glasses of a heady amber liquid to him, to Deborah and Derrick.

The twins had both told him, in their own ways, that their father and their new stepmother were more like giddy teenagers than a middle-aged married couple. Both children were content with the situation; both of them told their grandfather that their father had explained why their mother was uncomfortable with open displays of marital affection.

"They can't keep their eyes off each other and more often than not, their hands either," was what Deborah said.

And as Joe watched the two of them, he could see what Deborah meant. He could see that Paul and his new wife were well suited in temperament, in affection, and, unless the sun rose in the west, in bed.

But he also saw something more. There was a special _je ne sais quoi_, to borrow a phrase from his French-teaching _compadres_, about the two of them, an electricity that passed between them as Paul took a glass of the whiskey for himself and handed her and the little boy glasses of ginger ale, as if they shared something so joyous that they were torn between keeping it to themselves and sharing it with the others. You would almost think they were - . Was it possible? From what he remembered of the Bartlet administration, she must be in her early 50's. But then, that redheaded little beauty who had clung to Paul so adoringly was less than two years old.

"Excuse me." Ever the preacher, Paul was able to get the attention of a group very easily. He sat on the armrest of CJ's chair and put his free arm around her shoulders.

"Something has happened, something we didn't expect, something that will change all of our lives. We're not sure how it happened, but, God willing, come January, there will be another little girl in the family."

Joe was the first one to reach Paul. Derrick observed the look that passed between the two men as his grandfather congratulated his father. Then it was his turn. As he hugged his father, he felt it, too. It was something primal, something that stretched back in their DNA to the earliest humans. It was pride, it was admiration, it was acknowledgement of maleness, acknowledgement of achievement. It said, "You have sired a child; you have done what a man does." Derrick looked forward to that day, not soon but not that far in the future, when he would be the cause for such a feeling among men. He hoped this grandfather would still be alive to join in the celebration.

Deborah kept one arm around CJ as she turned to her father. "Daddy, if you aren't sure how it happened, maybe we need to take you in for some memory tests. You might be getting Alzheimer's."

Silence. Then, one soft but deliberate word from Paul's mouth. "Deborah."

"CJ, I am so - ".

"It's okay." CJ hugged her stepdaughter.

Deborah could feel her father's piercing look through her back. She turned to face him. "Daddy, I - ".

Just then, Derrick raised his glass. "To my number three sister!" Everyone joined in the toast.

"We'll discuss it later," Paul told his daughter quietly.

Paddy was the only one to overhear the words. When Papa looked at you like that and said that you would "discuss" it, it wasn't a good thing. Did even big girls like Deborah get scoldings and time outs? Would she have to empty her piggybank or her wallet? He didn't understand what Deborah said and why it was so bad. He would have to ask Derrick later.

Now Mama was calling him over to her. Did Paddy understand? Right after Christmas, he was going to have another little sister. Remember how before Caitlin was born, Mama's tummy got real big because that's where Caitlin was growing? Well, that was going to happen again.

He remembered. He remembered that when Mama's tummy got big, Daddy found out he had to go to heaven and right after Caitlin came out, Daddy left them. He loved Papa and Deborah and Derrick but he also wished his Daddy were still here. He didn't want Papa to have to go to heaven too.

"No! No more sisters! Take it out, take it out!" He ran off the deck and into the woods.

"Paddy!" CJ called and started after her son.

"Let me." Derrick stopped her. Then he took off after the little boy.

Five minutes later, he returned, Paddy's arms around his neck and Paddy's legs around his waist.

"He thinks that because Danny died after Caitlin was born, it means that Dad - ," he left the sentence unfinished.

Paul took Paddy from Derrick and explained that because his father died after Caitlin was born did not mean that Caitlin's birth caused his father's death. "If you fall down after eating a candy bar, did the candy bar make you fall down?"

CJ sat down beside her husband and hugged Paddy. "If Grandpa Jed were here, he would tell you about some fancy words in Latin called _'post hoc ergo propter hoc'_ and how it's wrong to think that one thing caused another just because the one thing happened first."

Paddy looked up at his parents. "So Papa's not going to have to go to heaven after Christmas? Promise?"

Paul pulled the little boy between his legs and put his hands on Paddy's shoulders. "Paddy, I'm not going to lie to you, because in this family we don't tell lies. I can't promise that because I don't know when Jesus will want me to go to heaven. But I can promise you that the baby in Mama's tummy won't make me go to heaven. Do you believe me?"

"Yes, Papa." The boy yawned.

"Paddy, it's way past your bedtime. It's after ten o'clock. Tell everyone good night."

Paddy started to protest.

"I'm sleepy, too," Derrick said. It had been a long day. They had left Seattle at five that morning and he had done most of the driving. "Why don't I go up with you?"

"'Kay."

Paddy was happy. He and Derrick were going to sleep in the loft over the living room because Grandpa Joe would be sleeping in the room next to Mama and Papa, and Caitlin and Deborah were in the upstairs bedroom with the bathroom and the door because they were girls and because Caitlin was still a baby. Earlier, Derrick had joked that when they had to go the bathroom, they could just pee outside the window. Mama said they better not if they knew what was good for them and gave them a bucket in case they couldn't make it downstairs in time. Paddy was excited. He wanted to pee in the bucket.

Caitlin began to cry over the baby monitor and CJ started inside to tend to her toddler. Joe said he would turn in also and followed CJ.

"I might as well join the exodus," Deborah added.

"Not just yet. We have unfinished business." Paul pointed toward the table at the far end of the deck and waited for his daughter to start the walk in that direction.

_Early afternoon, two days later_.

"She was terrified." CJ took one of the sandwiches from the plate Paul set on the table.

"Some children are more afraid of animals than others." Joe helped himself to a sandwich and took a drink from his beer. "Alicia was fearless, but her sister wouldn't go near anything bigger than a goldfish until she was seven."

"But this was different."

CJ was talking about the events of the morning.

Paul and Joe had gone up to Mendocino to the farmer's market for some fresh corn, tomatoes and other things. Derrick and Deborah had arranged to rent some horses and were planning to explore the back woods trails. Paddy wanted to go with them. CJ didn't want Paddy on a horse by himself but agreed to let him ride in front of Derrick, so the twins had gone to pick up the horses and had ridden back to get Paddy and the food packs.

"She toddled outside after Paddy, but when she saw the horses, she started screaming. It was the way she was right before Thanksgiving. When I lifted her, she clung so tightly to my neck, I thought I would pass out. Derrick tried to tell her it was all right. Deborah told her they weren't hippopotamuses, they were only horsies, but she didn't stop it until long after the three of them left."

"Hippopotamuses?" Joe asked.

"That's what it sounded like she was saying. 'Eee-poze'. Over and over again. 'Eee-poze'. It was so frightening."

Paul felt a shiver. "No, that wasn't what she was saying."

It was not something CJ would know. A man of Joe's age who had been through an elite prep school might, but Joe was the product of a still-segregated southern public school system and although he had excelled at Penn State and then earned his Vanderbilt Ph.D. with distinction, he would not have been exposed to that course. The only reason Paul knew what Caitlin was saying was due to the requirements of a divinity doctorate. But how in the world did this not yet two-year old child know the ancient Greek word for "horse"?

"Anyway, she's sleeping now, holding onto that caveman doll as tightly as she held onto me." CJ glanced over at the playpen sitting by the fireplace and stifled a yawn.

"And you're the one who's exhausted. Listen, Paul and I have dinner under control for tonight." The chicken in the refrigerator was already marinating in Joe's mother's special barbeque sauce. "Take a nap. We'll look after the little one. Expectant mothers need their rest."

"I was thinking about making up a pan of lasagna for tomorrow."

"Tomorrow we'll be cooking the fish that we men will have caught." Yesterday, they got fishing licenses for Paul, Joe, Derrick, and Paddy. "The men" were planning to make a day of it while CJ, Deborah, and Caitlin did a "tea lunch" ("My treat", Deborah said yesterday, with a glance at her father) in Fort Bragg and lounged on the deck.

"I assume you are going to clean them as well. Yes, my father taught me how, but I'm not sure my stomach could handle it right now.

"Anyway, maybe I should mix up a cake for later?"

"CJ. Bed. Now." Paul's smile and kiss softened the order.

"Yes, master."

"I can only dream."

She woke up an hour later and walked into the main room. Caitlin was no longer in the playpen. She heard voices on the deck and looked out the doors to see Paul and Joe sitting in the hot tub. Caitlin was in a kiddie pool beside them. She was about to walk out to join them when she overheard Paul speaking earnestly to his father-in-law.

"They offered me the chairman slot when they offered me the position last year. I turned it down because it would mean spending much more time on campus on bureaucratic nonsense. But it would mean ten thousand more after taxes. If it opens up again, I'll probably take it."

Why did Paul think they would need the extra money? Why that much more?

At that moment, she heard the sound of a car turning into the gravel driveway. Paddy and the twins were back from their ride.

"It was so much fun, Mama! I can't wait till I'm big enough to ride my own horse. Can I have a horse?" Paddy threw his arms around his mother's hips.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. Why don't we start with something smaller, like a gerbil? And you stink! All three of you do! Showers, or the swimming pool for all of you!"

Yesterday, Paul, Derrick, and Joe also set up the ten-foot diameter, three-foot deep "family fun pool" on one corner of the deck. "**After** you change into a suit, Paddy! Or, at least, strip down to your underpants!"

Deborah opted for the shower while the "brothers" chose the pool. CJ changed into a suit and joined them. She grabbed the baby float ring and, placing Caitlin inside it, slipped a float tube around herself and pulled the toddler around the pool with her.

_About 10:00 PM that evening_.

Everyone was pleasantly full from grilled chicken, corn, tomatoes, and slices of honeydew. Derrick had built a fire in the pit just off the deck and he, his grandfather, Deborah, and Paddy were making s'mores. Caitlin was conked out in the playpen, a light blanket over her little body.

Paul and CJ were sitting in the shadows, out of earshot of the others.

"Honey?" CJ looked up from her head's berth under his left arm.

He turned his face down and to the left, his right index finger tracing the line of her jaw. "Sweetheart?"

She told him of the conversation snippet she had overheard earlier today. "I thought we both wanted to keep our schedules less than full time, for the children as well as for ourselves.

"I know." He kissed her nose. "But **she**," he rested his hand on her stomach, on the new life he had created within her, "changes everything. We'll be raising her with Paddy and Caitlin. I don't want her to feel different, be different. I want her in the same schools, to have the same options - "

"Well, of **course, **she will!" CJ exclaimed. "Why wouldn't she?"

"Montessori school tuition, then private high school, it will all add up. I'll need the extra money for all that." They had agreed that with all the experiments and bureaucracy, they were afraid of what was happening with the public schools. ("Josh and Sam will think I've gone off my rocker, that I've betrayed the party, but my kids are too important to be some ivory tower professor's guinea pig.") The waiting list at CJ's parish school was three years' long, so they decided on the Montessori option. Now, with the baby, it seemed like the best thing to him. He had no problem raising Danny's kids in Danny's religion, but when it came to his own daughter, he wanted her to be exposed to both options.

"Paul, I have well over four hundred thousand, just sitting there and earning interest. There's more than enough for her."

"That's yours, from Danny. It's for you in case something happens, and then it belongs to your children."

"You know how meticulous he was about everything at the end. He set up the trusts for the kids with very specific guidelines. If he had wanted what he left me to be for them, he would have said so in his will. But he left it to me, for my use. Now you and I compromised that we would use it for extraordinary circumstances, not just to make our lives easier. As far as I am concerned, having a baby at our ages is extraordinary."

"But **I'm** her father, not Danny."

"And **I'm** her mother. And don't you think that if somehow the situation were reversed, if you had left me a widow with two small children and I married Danny and his royalties and prizes, he would have gladly spent his money on your children?"

"I'm not sure," Paul began.

"_Well, I am."_

It was as if CJ was in suspended animation. Paul heard Danny's voice as clearly as if the man were actually there with them. (And who is to say he wasn't?)

"_This little girl is an extraordinary gift from God for all of us. There are things about her, well, let's just say she has such potential. She's going to be Alicia's and my namesake; in a sense, she is our child as well. Not her and me together, more like godparents, I guess. Don't chain yourself to the job for forty or more hours a week. Enjoy each other, enjoy the children, all five of them."_

Then the moment passed.

"Paul, what did you say?"

He told a "little white lie". I said, "Well, if you're sure, okay." He kissed her mouth.

She reached up and put her left hand in his hair. "As long as I'm on a roll," she began.

"Ye-es?"

"You know how we agreed that I should take off the entire spring semester? Well, I've been thinking about a bunch of things. One, I had to stop nursing Paddy after four months because of the cysts, and then, with Danny leaving me, I hardly nursed Caitlin at all. I was thinking about nursing this one until she really starts teething or until the end of August and going back to work, whichever comes first."

"Sweetheart, whatever you want, you know that."

"Hear me out. I'm going to need a lot of help, especially at first. Would you think about being that help, or most of it? About you and me doing this together?"

"You mean, for me to take off the semester also? Stay home with you?"

"Does it sound so terrible? We'd had to have some other help, maybe get Marta two times a week, get some high school kids for a few hours a day to help with Paddy and Caitlin as well as the baby. I'm sure that Gina would come for a while right at first, when I'll be doing nothing but sleeping and feeding every other hour."

"The money - ".

"Between living expenses and having to pay for the payroll deductions, I figure we'd need about $55,000 for the eight months. I think it can be justified as an extraordinary expense because this baby is an extraordinary event. Just think about it?"

She looked so earnest, he couldn't say no right away. "Okay, I'll think about it."

"_And then you're going to say 'Yes', Paul," Alicia whispered in her husband's ear._

"Here, Mama, Papa, have a s'more!" Paddy handed two of the gooey treats to his parents.

_6:30 AM the next day_

Joe could smell the fresh coffee as he left the bathroom. Following the scent, he saw Derrick pouring two mugs from the pot.

"Hey, Granddad. Dad's outside." Joe could see Paul staring off into the woods, his open Bible in his hands. "I thought I'd take him a cup. Come with me." He pulled down another mug and filled it.

Paul looked up as the other men approached him, smiled, and closed the scriptures. For a few minutes, the three of them enjoyed their coffee in companionable silence.

"Derrick, you're up early."

"Couldn't sleep." He turned to face the other men.

"Gillian called last night. We had a long, painful conversation and have decided that our needs and expectations are too different. So-o-o, I guess I won't be needing any more of those little packets that Caitlin spilled, at least not for a while. At least she's not pregnant."

The other men looked sharply at him.

"She was a few days late when we left Seattle. That's why she called, to let me know that everything was okay. The other stuff just came out in the conversation. So, no seven-month 'preemie' grandchild or great-grandchild for you gentlemen."

"If you loved each other, were ready for marriage, it wouldn't have been the worst thing in the world," Joe told his grandson. He took a deep breath. "You almost had a 'preemie' uncle."

He told them how, his junior year, Bernice had come to him, afraid and scared, and told him she was pregnant. Many guys would have said it wasn't theirs, that there were others. And at that time, girls like Bernice didn't raise babies by themselves. They went "to visit an aunt" for a few months and the baby was put up for adoption.

But he wanted to do the honorable thing. Plus, he loved Bernice, had already planned to ask her to marry him when he got his degree from Penn State. Then **he** was afraid and scared when he went to tell Coach; if he lost his scholarship, he didn't know what he would do. He loved his father and respected him, but Joe wanted to be more than a sharecropper. The beauty of the Spanish language, the literature and the history of the country, ensorcelled him. He wanted to learn all there was to know about it and then to share that knowledge with others. His linebacker skills and his high school grades had given him that chance. Now, he feared he would lose it all because of his di-.

However, Coach just asked him if marriage to Bernice was really, truly what he wanted. If he was truly in love with her, there would be help with a quick marriage and a place to live. Coach would go with him to tell his mother (the one person he feared almost as much as God), to tell Bernice's parents. But a marriage based only on an unforeseen pregnancy was not a good thing. If they weren't in love, weren't ready, there would be help for Bernice while she waited for and had the baby, help to make sure she also finished college. There was nothing illegal and no money changed hands, but there were a few phone calls, some expediting. Luckily, back in the 1960's, NCAA rules were nowhere near what they were today.

And so they married quickly and settled into a small apartment. Two months later, with horrible wracking pains, Bernice lost the little boy she was carrying. It astounded him to this day how much it pained him, how much he cried. He loved Alicia and her sister with all the love a father could have, but he missed his son more than words could express.

"_God sent my brother back. Today he's" Alicia mentioned the name of a former Olympic decathlete._

"About the only bad thing is the way my mother and Bernice's mother made her feel. Her mother made her feel that she had to hide anything dealing with sex and that she had to 'make up for her sin' by being the most fastidious, most mannerly woman in the world. And Mom, until I got my PhD and started teaching, she said that Bernice had 'ruined' me and tried to 'snare' me."

"Which is why **you** had to marry my daughter in order to get into her drawers. Sins of the father." Joe looked at his son-in-law and laughed.

"Granddad!" Derrick couldn't believe his ears.

"Just remember, your actions can have consequences." Paul looked at his son. "Your grandfather's story is particularly telling. I'm not saying to throw away those Trojans in your nightstand and take cold showers, but weigh your decision. And as for what your grandfather said, it didn't kill me to wait."

"Well, if you stood it," then Derrick yawned deeply and left the sentence unfinished. "Now I **am** tired."

"So go back to bed, son. It's early. We won't be going fishing until 10:00."

"With my luck, Paddy will be up and wanting to dig for worms."

"Take the other bed in my room," Joe told his grandson.

"Thanks, Granddad. And thank both of you, for everything."

The two older men watched the youngest enter the house.

"He's a fine young man, Paul. You've done a good thing there." Joe turned to face his son-in-law. "Now what's bothering you?"

"Nothing's bother - "

"Don't lie to an old man, boy."

So Paul told Joe about his conversation with CJ last night.

"About the baby's education, she's right, of course. On reflection, I don't have any problem with using Danny's money for my child, because I would do anything for any of the children, to ensure their well-being. But this other thing, to live for eight months like a 'kept companion', it's not what a man does. How can I say 'yes' to that?"

"Do you know how many men would jump at the chance to be there for those first wonderful months of their child's life? To see first smiles, hear first giggles? They grow up so fast. You turn around, and they're walking. Turn around again and they're talking. Take this opportunity, Paul. If Bernice had been in a position to have made such an offer to me, I hope I would have had the humility and the grace to have accepted it with the same degree of love with which it was offered."

Paul started. His father-in-law had used the same words he had said to CJ almost five years ago, when she wanted to use part of her Nobel money to facilitate Danny's degree. If Danny hadn't accepted, he would have died before attaining that milestone. He had told Paddy the other night that he had no idea when God would claim his body. Nothing was certain.

Danny had accepted CJ's help; he considered Danny no less a man for accepting that help. Danny handled CJ differently than he handled her, but he did not consider himself more of a man than he considered Danny to be. If Danny could take what CJ offered in love, he could do no less.

"Thanks, Joe. I guess a man is never too old to seek the advice of his father."


	7. Teach Your Children Well

**Teach Your Children Well **

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC, alternate universe and fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult

Spoilers through end of series

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

This picks up right after "Fathers and Sons"

_Mid-July, 2014; Albion, CA _

Paul wrapped up the last of the fish bones in newspaper and sealed them in a plastic bag before putting them in the metal trash can. Hopefully, no woodland critters would come after them. The fishing trip earlier in the day had been quite productive, in terms of both the number of fish caught and the companionship and bonding it engendering among his father-in-law, his two sons, and himself.

His only regret is that he didn't think to take a camera with them. There were so many memories captured in his mind; if only they could have been preserved on disk or film. He would have to try really hard to describe for CJ the sight of Joe leaning in the crevice of an old split redwood, his head thrown back in slumber, his left arm around a sleeping Paddy curled up on his lap, while squirrels nibbled at the sandwich that was loosely held in his right hand.

"Dad?" He looked up from his trash-wrapping duties. Derrick was standing, two open bottles of beer in his hand. "Could we talk?"

He took one of the bottles from his son. "Now what kind of a question is that?" he asked easily, glancing over toward the deck where Deborah and CJ were telling Joe about their trip to Fort Bragg. Paddy had fallen asleep, his head in CJ's lap.

Paul and Derrick sat down on logs arranged around the fire pit.

"I'm sure not how to begin; it may be too personal, off limits." It was unusual for his son to be so hesitant. "I'm not sure how to ask or if I even should."

"Haven't I always said you could ask me anything?"

Derrick tood a deep breath. "Will you teach me how to make love to a woman?"

"Son, between those Trojans in your nightstand and what you told your grandfather and me about Gillian this morning, I think you know -"

"I know how to have sex. I don't know how to put the look I see on CJ's face on a woman's face, how to give someone the sense of comfort and security I sense in her. I want to be able to give what I see in her, what, looking back, I saw in Mom. I'm not wanting to be lurid, to overstep bounds, to uncover your nakedness, as it were, but – I mean, did you always know what to do, is it just instinctive?"

Paul did what he often did when presented with an uncomfortable idea; he stepped back and tried to analyze, to see the possibilities. He had taught his son so many things about being a man: how to shave, how to handle tools, how to drive, how to dance, how to be a gentleman. So why should teaching your son how to fulfill a vital part of being a man be such an awkward idea? True, in doing so, he would have to admit to his son that his mother, and now his stepmother, were sexual beings, but it could be done in a manner that was not disrespectful of them. In fact, to deny that these women were sexual beings is what would be disrespectful.

Now it was his turn to take a deep breath.

"Well, Derrick, first of all, you don't make love **to** a woman, you make love **with** her. She has to be a willing participant, has to be comfortable with whatever the two of you are doing. Now some things may take time, she may at first be uncomfortable with a particular thing, like oral sex, but later, as she grows to trust you, may welcome it; and some things she may never feel good about doing. It's the same with you. If she wants to try something and you don't like it, tell her so, but keep an open mind.

"Second, I would venture that about half, if not more, of that sense of comfort, security, and relaxed satisfaction comes from being secure in the feeling of being loved, being cherished, being valued, and being respected. You can have the best physical technique in the world, but if you don't let her know that you are going to be part of each other's lives, no matter what, it won't mean squat. And if you do anything to tear her down in front of others, to let others think she is less than the most precious thing in your universe, to let them think they can get away with not treating her with respect, nothing you do in bed will ever compensate for it.

He looked up and noticed that CJ was smiling at him.

"But most important, you need to put her first. We'll continue this later." He got up, walked over to his wife, listened to her, kissed her, and took the sleeping child from her lap. The two of them walked into the house together.

Later that evening, relaxing in post-coital comfort, he told her what Derrick had asked of him. "So, do I give him explicit information about technique?"

"As long as you don't expect me to be your demonstration mannequin." She moved against him suggestively. "But maybe you better go over your technique again, so it's fresh in your mind."

"Perhaps I **should** get in some practice," his mouth came down on her breast.

Afterward, they were again lying in sated satisfaction.

"CJ, are you sure it doesn't bother you that Derrick asked -".

"I'm sure," she yawned. "Go get yourself an anatomy book and teach him everything you know. However, if and when Paddy asks -".

"With any luck, he'll ask Derrick."

_The next night _

CJ softly moaned as she reveled in the magic of her husband's fingers on her core, the solid feel of his chest against her back, his soft kisses on the back of her neck, and his constant movement within her. As if pulled by gravity, she slowly rotated from her side to her stomach so that she was lying face down on the bed. Paul followed suit, not breaking contact and was lying on top of her.

In a few minutes, she climaxed, his hand still helping her. He lifted his torso and, bracing himself on his arms, brought himself to satisfaction quickly thereafter, then gently lowered himself again over her back.

As he came back to normalcy, Paul thought to himself that he had never experienced something quite like he had this evening. It was as if CJ were the most precious, most delicate, most vulnerable thing in the universe and that he needed to love her in order to protect her and that he needed to protect her in order to love her.

"Sweetheart, I can't begin to tell you how wonderful that was." He kissed her neck again.

"Hhmm." She moaned in agreement.

And then he felt the difference in her, a sense of withdrawing, of mental separation. He lifted himself from her body and gently turned her so that she was facing him. He held her against his side, her head against her heart, and stroked her hair.

After a few minutes, he kissed her and asked, "Do you want to talk about it?" and listened as she told him that the position they had just used had been something she and Danny had discovered, that she had never been that way with another man. She told him what Danny had told her about molting crabs, about vulnerability and trust.

He remembered what he had told Derrick the previous night, that if a woman wasn't comfortable with a particular act, then you had to back away from it. He reflected that there was nothing he had ever done with Alicia, physically, that he felt uncomfortable doing with CJ. Other than buying her camisoles and tap pants, he amended. But in bed, he had done just about everything with CJ first, except for that thing with kissing down the spine while using his fingers inside. He had just been to a truly special place, and now may never get to be there again.

"Sweetheart, I understand. If you want to keep that between you and Danny, we don't have to do it again."

_"I don't mind, CJ. I really don't." _

_Danny looked over to where Alicia was sitting with Cosmas, Damian, and Danielle. She was holding Theo and Leslie, the two babies she had miscarried four and five years, respectively, after the twins. He wondered if she was okay with Paul doing that spine and butt thing with CJ. _

_"Come on, boy," he whistled to Pistol. "Let's go get the others and then go over to Venus for some barbeque!" _

CJ kissed him and told him that the problem was that she liked it, she wanted to do it again with him. She just had to come to grips with it in her head.

"Then I'll leave it to you to let me know when, ladylove. But may I tell Derrick about it?"

Her kiss on his chest was all the assent he needed.

They talked about the events of the day, the phone calls they had received from Ireland and from San Diego.

Brendan Collins, his brother, and his nephews were going to northern Canada to canoe through the backwoods. Fiona and Aisling would like to visit with their aunt during that male-bonding exercise. Erin was champing at the bit at the thought of caring for little Ciara, who was just a little younger than Caitlin. Would it be convenient for them to come the day after tomorrow? ("Of course," Paul said. "We'd love to see you. CJ will be so happy when she returns from the store and I tell her.") Then Hogan called. Her husband was somewhere under one of the oceans and she was feeling a little lonely.

"We'd love to have you."

"Thanks, Paul."

Derrick and Paddy were more than glad to give up their beds in the little loft to the Irish sisters. Derrick suggested that "the brothers" take a camping trip in the nearby state park. CJ wasn't quite ready to let her son sleep in the open and so they compromised on having the two of them use the pop-up tent camper. Derrick took the two of them into town to buy air mattresses and sleeping bags. (On the way back, Paddy asked Derrick, "Can we still cook breakfast over a fire even if we can't take a bath in the river?")

They would put Hogan in the upstairs bedroom with Deborah and move Caitlin into their room. Joe offered to take in the tot in him, but they said it would be no problem to have Caitlin with them.

"So we'll have a full house," Paul summarized, holding CJ tighter against him.

She could feel his arousal stirring against her. She reached down to encourage him.

"Then in case it gets too crowded, we better start deflating my pregnancy libido."

_Three days later _

Paul woke to the sound of female voices on the deck. He looked over at the bedside clock; it was 1:45 in the morning. He didn't get bad headaches very often, but when he did, the only thing that helped was sleep. Tonight, he had sleeping for five hours.

Then he felt the slight chill that signaled to him that he was alone in the bed. Then he heard the voices coming in from the deck.

"Okay, lesh have another roun." He identified the giggle as Hogan's.

"Souns" hick "good to me." That from his daughter.

The next sound he heard was that of the screen door opening and closing.

"If you aren't going to bed anytime soon, try to keep it down. If you woke me, you could wake the others, especially Derrick and Paddy. Good Lord, the four of you have finished off two bottles!" Aisling and Fiona had brought with them six bottles of the MacDonald Distillery's special, private pot-still whiskey, secreted under the label of a competitor's "so-so" product.

So that's where his wife was. He had been sure he had felt her joining him on the bed a few hours ago.

"Then we'll just get me lovely sister ta make us s'more. Ye'll do it for us, Aisling, love?" Fiona MacDonald Collins' brogue apparently thickened in direct proportion to the amount of alcohol in her system.

"Not here, not tonight." Aisling sounded sober, but then he remembered being told that she could manage her liquor better than most people. Several times these past two days, he noticed that although she was the youngest of the four young women, she was often the most mature and levelheaded.

Ah, well, at least they were all here at the house and not at one of the bars on the coast road. There would be no one trying to drive home in a state of inebriation; there would be no one fighting off an amorous (or dangerous) male. The worst thing that could happen would be the hangovers they might have tomorrow. Whether or not there would be any whiskey left to take back to Berkeley was another matter.

At times, Paul felt like he was in a sorority house, but it was fun having so many people for a few days. Derrick joked that he wasn't sure that he and his brother could deal with all the extra women, but Paul begged to differ. As Joe said, as long as you could appreciate looking at beautiful young women, you weren't really an old man.

"So, anyway, I look up and see these three little boys staring at Jim and me and I scream. Poor Jim just deflated right away and then when he saw the kids, he yelled at them, got up, and tripped over a log. So my first time ended with me having to help the guy to the car and then driving him to the ER for his ankle." Hogan laughed. "So, that was my first time. Ash? What about you?"

Apparently, the young women were discussing their first sexual experiences. He really shouldn't eavesdrop, but other than getting up and closing the window, there was nothing he could do about it.

"Me baby sister hasna crossed that threshold, yet. She's been holding off wee Brian for about three months now. Even after he showed her that they weren't too close, kinwise."

Apparently, Aisling was being courted by her second cousin once removed, the son of the woman who had bequeathed Danny the property that provided the money for this little retreat in northern California.

"I told him I'm not ready and he said he's willing to wait."

That's the type you want, Paul silently told the young girl who looked so much like Danny Concannon.

"Well, when you're ready, make sure he makes it nice for you, not like what Hogan and I had." This from his daughter. "A girl's first time should be much nicer."

Her words took him back almost five years.

_November 27, 2009; Washington, DC _

Paul unlocked the door to the brownstone he was renting and automatically stepped back, allowing his children to enter first. They had spent the morning in a private tour of the White House with Margaret Hooper, the President's Deputy Chief of Staff. After lunch, they went to the Capitol, where they were given another private tour that had been also been arranged by CJ and Danny's friends.

"I don't know about you two, but I need a nap," Derrick said as he hung up his coat.

"Me, too," his sister added.

"Deborah, honey?" Paul called to his daughter.

"Yes, Daddy?"

"After you rest, why don't you come talk with me? I'll be in the study, tweaking my sermon." He smiled at the girl.

"Uh, okay."

He could sense the hesitation. His instincts weren't wrong. Something was bothering his not so little girl. She would seem somewhat distant and then, as if realizing it, would be too bright, too happy. Also, she had lost weight since August, about 30 pounds, he guessed. She was thin to the point of gauntness. During the tour of the White House earlier today, she seemed distracted and tired. Even the surprise meeting with Mrs. Santos and the Santos children, home early from Camp David, didn't seem to excite her.

Ninety minutes later, he was satisfied with the words he would preach Sunday. It would be the first Sunday of Advent, the beginning of the new church year. He had stolen a page from his Catholic colleagues and would be encouraging his congregation to not celebrate Christmas too early, to make good use of this period of anticipation.

"Daddy? You wanted to see me?" Deborah stood at the door to the study.

He got up from the desk and sat on the love seat. "Come in, sweetheart, and shut the door."

When his daughter had complied and turned to face him, he smiled at her and asked, "Baby, what's wrong?"

"Daddy, nothing's wrong. I mean, it's been a little harder this year. I might have scheduled a bit more than I could handle, but I'm working hard at my -".

"Deborah." Quietly, but firmly, he let her know that she was not fooling him.

She took a couple of steps toward the loveseat then stopped. She looked at her feet.

"I'm late."

God help him, it was on the tip of his tongue to ask "For what?", but he managed to catch himself. Instead, he opened his arms to her and she rushed over, sat on his lap, and, laying her head on his shoulder, began to cry, her shoulders shaking with the sobs.

He enclosed her in his arms and stroked her hair, not saying anything, wishing that he could make it better the way he did when she was seven or eight and someone had hurt her feelings or she had lost her favorite doll.

"I" gulp "was so" gulp "afraid of what" gulp "you would -".

"Afraid?" He pulled back to look at her and she could see the beginnings of hurt in his eyes. "Honey, what did you think I would do, or not do? Haven't I always told you -" he sighed and hugged her tighter, kissing the side of her head.

_"I remember having to tell your father that I was pregnant," Bernice Dawson told her daughter. "I know how afraid she is. And then I had to tell my parents. No matter how many times they've told you how much they love you, it's terrifying." _

_"My poor baby." Alicia sat next to her mother, their spiritual hearts breaking for the young woman who had just found the courage to tell her father of her fears. _

"How late are you?"

"About three weeks."

"And you haven't done a test?"

"I kept hoping. I was afraid. I'm stupid," she smiled weakly.

"You are **not **stupid -"

"I may have **done** something stupid, but I am not stupid." She finished the gentle reprimand she had heard from her father so many times in the past, kissing his cheek.

"So why don't we go to the drugstore and find out. Once we know for a fact that you're pregnant, we can start talking about where we go from there." Seeing the hesitant look on her face, he remembered the public service ad about fatherhood from a few years ago where the dad goes into the convenient store to buy sanitary napkins for his teen-age daughter because the clerk is a young boy. "Okay, **I'll **go buy the test for you," he smiled at her and nudged her to get her to move off his lap.

So he went to the drugstore and, not knowing anything about the various tests, talked to the pharmacist. When the woman gave him a look, he said, "She's a bit shy about it", and the pharmacist, seeing his wedding ring, assumed that "she" meant "my wife". Paul didn't disabuse her of the notion. The lie of omission didn't bother him; it was none of the store's business. The pharmacist suggested two tests, so he bought both.

When one test said "no" and the other said "yes", he placed a call to Carol. He knew she would be discreet. Carol called her doctor and the next day, Paul accompanied his daughter to the doctor's office. When the doctor asked about testing her for HIV and other STDs, Deborah gulped, looked at her father, and nodded her head. She signed the paperwork to allow the doctor to give the results to her father since she would be back at school Sunday night. The doctor suggested that she "follow up with Student Health when she was back in Oxford." Then he sent her with his nurse to get ready for the examination.

After the exam, Deborah joined her father in the doctor's office again. The man told them she wasn't pregnant. In all likelihood, her missed period was due to her ultra-thinness; she had lost so much weight it affected her hormonal balance. She needed to gain at least 20 pounds. A woman with her bone structure and muscle mass should be wearing size eight, not size two.

Later that evening, Paul talked with her again, this time about the emotional pitfalls of sexual intimacy, even when just "hooking up". Again, she crawled onto his lap and just sat there, letting him hold her.

After a few minutes of holding her in silence, he asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

She told him that she had gone to all the Homecoming activities in October with this boy she had started seeing at the beginning of the school year. By Saturday night, at the party, she had been drinking, off and on, for two days, and she and the boy had a lapse in judgment. Under her father's gentle questioning she said that, no, she was not a victim of date rape and no, he did not get her drunk in order to seduce her. She and the boy were equally responsible for what happened and she wasn't going to blame him because neither of them thought about using a condom.

He made some comment about her not being in a position to judge her degree of responsibility, of not being prepared for the event, of entering new territory.

She took a deep breath. "Daddy, I had condoms in my purse. It wasn't my first time." She lowered her eyes, afraid of seeing disappointment in his, and continued talking, if only because she wasn't ready to hear what he was thinking of her. "The day after our senior prom, a bunch of us spent the next day and evening at Buckeye Lake. One minute Mark and I were just talking and necking, and the next minute, we were in the back of his Corolla and, well, it happened. Afterward, a policeman knocked on the window, yelled at us, told us that he could have been a pervert, or worse, and made us get dressed and leave." She buried her face in his shoulder.

If he had been there for her and Derrick, instead of halfway around the world, wallowing in his grief, he would never have allowed them to go out with the group on the day after the prom. He would have known that they had been up all night, albeit in a supervised prom and after-prom party, and that their tired minds and bodies would be susceptible to things they might not choose to do under other circumstances. Two days after the prom, no problem, he would have told them, but on that day after the all-night event, he would have wanted them at home, sleeping off the party. Or he would have hosted a chaperoned picnic for the group. He didn't fault the twin's aunt and uncle for allowing them to go out; he was sure that most of the parents felt there was safety in numbers. They didn't have the statistics available to them as he did.

He stroked her hair again. "Oh, Deborah."

"I know" gulp "you're disappointed in me, that I should have waited. I'm sorry."

"Disappointed in you? No, sweetie. In the first place, it would be hypocritical of me to criticize you when I was only a little older myself when I first, well, -"

"But Mom -"

"Your mother made a deathbed promise to your great-grandmother. If she hadn't been trapped into that promise -"

"You think Mom would have, in high school?"

"I don't know about that. But I do know that once I knew that I loved her, that I wanted her in my life, if she hadn't made that promise, I would not have been as noble as I was. And I can be pretty persuasive when I want to be," he laughed lightly. "No, baby, what I mean is, it should have been nicer. A girl's first time, or a boy's, for that matter, you should have had a bed with clean sheets, real privacy, a nice room with a door that locks, and, depending on the time of day or year, soft lights or candles, or a fireplace. Maybe some champagne. That's what I'm sad about, the fact that it was in the back of a compact car, that you were interrupted by a third party. It should have been nicer." Then he told her that first times with a man, even though she was now longer a virgin, should also be nice, that she deserved it, and that, if the boy deserved her, he also deserved it. He told her that when it was right between a man and a woman, the others didn't matter, had no bearing on the relationship.

_"And if she had waited, she would have had nice, like you did, Alicia." Esther Dawson joined her daughter-in-law and her granddaughter. "So would have you." She looked pointedly at Bernice. Esther still wasn't sure about this woman who had lured her Joe with her body. Sure, Joe got his degree from Penn State and then his doctorate from Vanderbilt. But maybe, without Bernice to support, he could have gone to Harvard. She winced at the little pinprick to her side and remembered that she had had to spend an extra month in Purgatory for the same thoughts when she first came to Heaven. Thank Them, once here, you were here for good. _

_"We've had this discussion too many times," Alicia laughed. "Let's get ready for the choirs of angels concert. Meemaw, why don't you wear your peach outfit?" Her grandmother looked stunning in a coat dress, cloche hat, gloves, purse, and heels all dyed to match. "And, Mother, you would look nice in turquoise." The single-breasted suit, wide-brimmed hat, and accessories were typical of the ensembles she remembered seeing on her mother on Sunday mornings._

_Bernice looked at her daughter. "Child, why can't you wear a skirt? And a hat?" She stared at the sea green pantsuit that appeared on Alicia. _

_"That's another discussion that has been overdone." _

Right before Deborah came home for Christmas, Paul called her to let her know that she was negative on the tests, thank God, but that the doctor would want the tests repeated in a few months. She stammered a little when he asked her if she had seen the school doctor about contraception, but said yes. And since that time, he knew, without her saying anything, that she had been more careful, more selective. He knew for sure that there had been one other guy at Miami, her senior year, but these past two years at Columbia, he was pretty sure she hadn't been involved with anyone.

_Mid-July, 2014; Albion, CA _

"Well, like I said, Brian claims he's willing to wait until I'm ready, so hopefully, he'll also be prepared in the romantic setting area," Aisling laughed.

"Aunt CJ, what about you?" Fiona's husky voice came over his sister's lighter one. "Tell us about the guy that popped your -"

He winced at the crude slang as much as at the all too personal, all too close to home subject.

"I prefer to keep those memories to myself." He could hear the restrained, but amused joy in her voice, could imagine the smile on her face. She probably didn't even know it was there.

"Well, **he** had to be good, and **it** had to be good, look at the way she's smiling!" Hogan added. "Come on, Aunt CJ, give it up!"

"Yes, tell us!" That last from his daughter.

"Ah, Deborah, I really don't -".

He could only imagine the look on Deborah's face as she figured it out. "Omagod! It was **Daddy**! You were a sophomore in college. Wow, you were old!"

"Yeah, Aunt CJ", Hogan added, "I would have figured you for junior year high school at the outside."

Not that old, he thought to himself. CJ had skipped a grade and was a little over two month's shy of eighteen when she entered Berkeley. That made her not quite nineteen that Friday night - .

"Now ye **have** to tell us, Aunt CJ! Gie us all the details!" This from Fiona, of course.

"So you can spend tomorrow looking at him and smirking?" Aisling laughed at her sister.

"Hell, yes!" Hogan answered.

"I think I know too much already," Deborah said.

He hoped that the women would not be repeating this drinking party every night. Lord knows what subjects they would cover in other sessions.

"I don't have to do anything. And I think it's time you all got to bed!" He could hear CJ begin to gather the glasses and walk toward the house.

A few minutes later, the girls got up from the table. He heard them giggling as they went upstairs and then the sound of his bedroom door opening and closing.

CJ removed her robe and slipped into bed. "So will you be able to not look embarrassed in front of your daughter tomorrow?" She rose over him and kissed his mouth.

"I'm pretty sure that she's the one who will be embarrassed in the morning, assuming any of them get out of bed before noon. And how did you know I woke up and overheard?" He returned the kiss.

"I could sense it. How's your headache?"

"All gone." He reached under the T-shirt she was wearing (his) and lifted it over her head. As his lips traced a line from her collarbone and between her breasts, his hand pushed her underwear past her knees to her ankles, and she kicked the garment off her feet.

She brought one leg over to the other side of him and raised herself, preparing to take him inside her. However, he gently pushed her toward the side, indicating that he wanted her beneath him. When she resisted, he pushed even harder. She was surprised. Although he usually took the lead when they made love with each other, he always seemed glad when she decided to initiate and direct the activity. He was not one of those men who felt threatened by being on the bottom. They could be doing it with him hanging upside down from the ceiling, she thought, and he would still be confident and secure in his masculinity. .

"In a month or so, we won't be able to; it won't be comfortable for you this way, sweetheart. Then you can ride on top all you want. But tonight, hearing the girls asking you, it brought back memories I want to relive while we still can. Please?"

Looking into his face, filled with love for her, she smiled, rolled onto her back, and opened her thighs to his hand. And when he came over her, she lifted her legs and wrapped them around him as she had done that night so long ago, the night he made so nice, so special.

Afterward, she lay in his arms, head on his shoulder.

"It's funny how everyone just assumed you had been a wild and crazy high-school kid." He reached down to kiss her eyes. "And when Deborah figured it out, I half-expected to hear a big 'Yeeew!' from her mouth."

"Actually, on the way in, she whispered to me, 'Just between the two of us, I can't imagine my father being less than totally excellent at **anything** he does. It would be out of character.' So now both your kids think of you as Super-Stud."

"Well, then I better live up to their opinions," he said as they began again.


	8. Sacrament

**Sacrament**

CJ?Danny, CJ/OMC, West Wing ensemble, other author-created characters, totally alternate universe and fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult

Spoilers through end of series; may also contain things that will end up in future chapters of "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

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_October 11, 2014; St. Helena, CA_

"I, Richard Andrew, take you, Christina Megan, to be my wife."

CJ Cregg Concannon Reeves felt the pressure on her hand, looked up, and returned the smile her husband gave her. In a few weeks, they would be celebrating their first wedding anniversary. Intertwining their fingers, they softly echoed to each other the words her nephew was saying to his bride. "I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life."

Her mind wandered as the wedding ritual itself ended and the parish priest began his homily. It certainly was not as meaningful as the one they had heard last month, in Malibu, when Nancy and Jesse Muñoz were married after nearly five years of sometimes turbulent courtship.

The priest, a second cousin of Nancy's father, quoted freely from Andrew Greeley, telling Nancy and Jesse, telling all the couples in the church, that their love for each other was only a dim reflection, the slightest hint, of God's love for each of His creatures. Nancy, resplendent in her mother's wedding dress and the mantilla that had been in the Muñoz family for generations, and Jesse, so handsome in his tuxedo, clung to the priest's every word. As had the entire assembly.

Later, at the reception, when Jesse and Nancy danced as husband and wife for the first time, CJ remembered that first dance with Danny, and then that first dance with Paul, and knew that while it had taken these many months, Nancy and Jesse would have a long and happy life together. Jesse was already in Hank and Steve's old place, and he had consulted Nancy when furnishing the house. After their trip to Lake Louise, they would settle into a neighborhood that already loved and cared for them.

Other than the one day trip when Scott Winkler examined CJ and told her and Paul they would become parents together, Nancy's wedding was the first time that the two of them had spent any time together in Santa Monica since they had moved to the Bay area. Frank and Diana offered them the use of their guest room and, after a very long and very open discussion, they accepted. There were no ghosts. Maybe it was because of the child they were expecting; maybe it was because of the "visits" from Danny and Alicia on their own wedding night.

In any event, it did not hurt to be in the neighborhood where CJ and Danny had spent five wonderful years and six agonizing months together. Nor did it hurt to see Hank, Steve, Pamela (more beautiful than ever now that she was a walking and talking three-year old), and her six month old baby brother living in the house that CJ had redesigned from the small cottage that had originally been built on the property. She did cry when she first held Hank's biological son, just as she had when the guys had called her to tell her of the birth and that they were naming the boy Daniel Michael. The fact that Rick and Ginger had also named their newest child for Danny last December meant that her husband now had two full namesakes, in addition to Josh and Donna's Micah Daniel and Carol and David's Sean Daniel. And, of course, come January (please God), there would be a little Danielle Alicia in their lives. Daniel Michael Fabian Concannon was gone from this earth, but not from the hearts of those who had known and loved him.

The neighbors did hold the Sunday brunch at Pete and Sonia's rather than at Hank and Steve's place and there were a few tears shed as the block reminisced about Danny.

Paul was completely comfortable with the situation, especially as he had established relationships with the group in the months immediately before and after Danny's death. And everyone was overjoyed about the little girl that CJ and Paul were awaiting.

On the Saturday morning before the wedding, he drove her to the cemetery. He asked her if she wanted him to wait in the car for her while she visited the gravesite or if she wanted company. She asked him to be there for some of the time, like when she told Danny about the baby (although she was sure he knew), but that at the end, she would like a few minutes by herself.

The Friday evening before the ceremony, the old Bartlet bunch partied and remembered. CJ was truly touched by how happy everyone was for her, Paul, and their "two-thirds of a baby". Then, Sam and Morgan told the group "in secrecy" that they were expecting a second child, a boy, in March and the group went wild.

Pictures of the ever-increasing number of real and honorary Bartlet grandchildren were passed around. Of course, Charlie and Zoey's Marilyn Abigail, named for her grandmothers, and Carol and David's Sean Daniel had been newborns when CJ and Paul were married last November, but since then, Bonnie and Jean-Luc had a second daughter, Erica Marie, Ellie and Vic had brought forth Collette Suzanne, and, of course, Ginger and Rick had their son.

It had been so long since she had been with so many of the gang at one time. It had been 2012, the year that Ginger and Rick held the annual reunion at the big house in Newport because everyone would be in New London for the dedication and christening of the USS Fitzwallace. It was right before Danny had the tests that had shattered their life together. She did see Josh, Donna, Carol, and David that summer after Danny died, but this year, between finding out about the baby, the continuing bonding of their new family, and having to plan for the leave they both wanted to take, they didn't have time to make the trip back East. Everyone told Paul and her that they wanted them, Derrick and Deborah included, at the next summer's gathering. Paul had been accepted by the group long before Danny had passed, and everyone knew that Danny had wanted CJ and Paul to be together when he learned of his imminent death.

Everyone was excited about Sam's running for a second full term as governor of California and everyone was trying very hard not to even think about four years in the future, but they all knew that there was a future presidential candidate, if not a future president, in their midst. (Donna wondered how surprised they would be to know, as she somehow did, that there were not one but two future presidents in the group.)

Rick was running for reelection, but no one expected anything less than victory. New Jersey wouldn't be New Jersey without a member of his family in the House.

The big news was that Matt Skinner had refused Haffley's offer of the Vice-presidency on the Republican ticket. Matt said he was not going to compromise his principles for political office. Word on the street was that his congressional constituents were very happy and that his reelection was also a given. He might suffer some for the next four (and, hopefully, only four) years, but his career and his legacy would be in much better condition than would Haffley's, even if the latter man did win in November. Hopefully, the country would survive; it had been through worse (but not by much).

CJ knew very little about the Iowa governor who had taken on the party's nomination for the upcoming election, except that he really had no presidential ambition and was willing to be the "sacrificial lamb." Josh and Donna said he was a good man, but the two of them were looking forward to January 20 and their first break in over sixteen years and were so glad they weren't involved in the campaign. Come to think of it, none of the old gang was helping this time around.

Toby and Andy were flying in tomorrow along with John and Margaret Hoynes. No one had been more surprised, and no one had been happier, than CJ was when, in the middle of August, Toby and Andy quietly flew off to Aruba with the twins, Toby's widowed sister-in-law, and Andy's brother, and remarried. She prayed that this time, it would work. Toby was finally pursuing the Ph.D. CJ had discussed with him three years ago in Cape May.

Everyone remarked about much Nancy's father resembled President Bartlet and how the two men had taken an instant liking to each other. They could easily be brothers, even twins.

The organ music and the singing of "Panis Angelicus" brought her back to the present, to her nephew's nuptial Mass. She smiled again at Paul, who was still holding her hand in his.

"I love you so much," she whispered.

_October 24, 2014; Kensington, CA_

Paul looked up from his journal as the sounds of soft crying came over the baby monitor in his study. He walked back to the bedroom wing of the house and entered Caitlin's room.

"What's wrong, sweetie?"

"Want Teddy," the little girl who looked so much like Danny Concannon said through her sniffles.

He looked around for the little bear that Deborah had found for her step-sister in a little antique shop/flea market near Albion back in July. It was a small thing, not much bigger than some of the Barbie dolls Deborah loved when she was in primary school, but it was big enough not to pose a danger to the child. There were no button eyes or noses to be bitten off and swallowed. The fur was worn in patches and you could see where an arm had been resewn onto the trunk of the toy. It was definitely well-loved and it had a certain _je ne sais quoi_ that appealed to Deborah and, obviously, to Caitlin.

Paul looked under the quilt in the crib, looked under and behind the crib.

"I'm sorry, Kitty-Caitlin, I don't see it here. Maybe it's in the other room. Let's go look."

He lifted the child out of the crib, thinking that maybe he and CJ should start thinking about another bed for her; they would need the crib for the baby come January.

"Paddy take."

"Paddy took your teddy?"

Seeing the nod up and down, Paul said, "I don't know why he would take your teddy, but let's go look in his room."

However, the toy wasn't in Paddy's room, at least not in plain sight.

"Well, when Mama and Paddy come back from the doctor, we'll ask him about it. In the meantime, why don't we build a cave for Teddy with the blocks?"

And the man and the child sat on the floor of the family room and fashioned an elaborate cave for the little lost bear.

Forty-five minutes later, CJ and Paddy returned from the doctor's office. There had been a meningitis scare at Paddy's kindergarten and the school had recommended that the other children be examined by their pediatricians or family doctors.

"Papa, I got stucked in my arm! They took out some of my blood!"

Paul looked at CJ, concern on his face.

"It's just a precaution. They didn't see any signs of it in him," CJ reassured her husband. "Paddy, didn't you say you needed to use the bathroom?" she called to her son, who had found the block cave and was making his own improvements to the structure, saying something about how dumb girls don't know how to do anything.

"Paddy, did you take Caitlin's teddy bear?" Paul asked the boy. "I can't find it and she said you took it."

"Why would I take her dumb bear?" Paddy looked away from Papa. He had that look that he sometimes got when he could read Paddy's mind. "I have to go to the bathroom," he said, and ran to the bedroom wing.

"There's something going on there," Paul told CJ.

"You're right," she replied. "We'll corner him when he gets out of the bathroom.

They heard the flush of the toilet and the sound of water running. And running. And running.

"Ut oh," came the sound of the little boy's voice as the two adults hastened to the children's bathroom.

The commode was overflowing and water covered the floor, was reaching toward the door and the hallway.

CJ ran to the fixture, jiggled the handle, and then started to bend down.

"Sweetheart, go get a bucket and something like a quart-sized measuring cup and let me handle this. You're six months' pregnant, for heaven's sake! Oh, and bring me a metal hanger."

Paul reached down to the water cutoff valve and stopped the flow of water into the bowl. Then he threw some bath towels on the floor to sop up the water, wrung them out in the tub, and repeated the process. When CJ returned with the other items, he started bailing out water from the bowl until most of it was gone. Then he bent the hanger and tried to maneuver it into the curve of the bowl to see if there was some obvious obstruction.

The tip of the hanger barely made in past the curve when it hit something solid, so Paul rolled up his sleeve and put his hand into the curve of the commode. He felt something soft and squishy. Grasping it and giving a tug, he removed one small furry teddy bear.

"Teddy!" Caitlin wailed, reaching for the toy.

"I'm sorry, baby," CJ said, "Teddy's sick and needs to be dried out." Not to mention disinfected, she thought to herself.

Paul looked over at Paddy, who was trying to shrink into the wall.

"Paddy, did you put Caitlin's bear in the toilet?"

"I don't know how it got there. Maybe a pixie came and put in there." When Fiona and Aisling came over in the summer, they brought Paddy a set of children's books based on Irish legends. Paul and CJ had been reading to him from them at night.

"Now why would a pixie want to put Caitlin's teddy in the toilet?" Paul replied. "I'm asking you again, Paddy, did you take Caitlin's teddy from her, and did you put it in the toilet?"

"Maybe the pixie was mad because Caitlin wouldn't share her candy and that's why he drownded the teddy."

"Paddy, look at me."

Slowly, Paddy raised his eyes. He saw that Papa's eyes were very hard and Paddy knew that it was time to tell the truth.

"I did it. But she wouldn't share!"

"Padraic Talmadge Concannon."

Paddy knew that when Mama used his full name, she was really mad. And when Mama got really mad, she really yelled.

"CJ, why don't you take Caitlin to the playpen in the family room and play Ash's DVD for her? Paddy, get your piggy bank and go to the study. Sit there and wait for your mother and me. We need to have a serious discussion."

Papa never yelled, but his serious discussions were never any fun. And this was a bad time to have to empty his piggy bank. Mama's and Caitlin's birthday was in November and November was when Mama and Papa got married. And then came December and Christmas.

_9:45 PM; same day_

CJ checked on her daughter in the nursery. She could see traces of recent tears on the sleeping child's cheeks, her arms tightly clutching her caveman doll. The brand new teddy bear, much more modern and much larger than the one Deborah had found for her, was pushed down to the bottom left hand corner of the crib. CJ hoped that she (or the dry cleaner) would be able to restore the one Deborah had given Caitlin to a dry and sanitary state.

She kissed her fingers and stroked them on Caitlin's curls. She thought she felt an arm around her waist and the brush of a soft beard against her cheek and she smiled, remembering how much in awe of his daughter Danny was those all too short, all too precious months of two years ago.

CJ sighed slightly. She had come to accept, indeed, come to find comfort in, this strange sense of knowing that sometimes, Danny was with them, sometimes by himself, sometimes with Alicia. Sometimes Alicia came by herself. She had also come to accept being able to miss Danny so much it wrenched at her soul and yet at the same time be so deliriously, peacefully, contentedly in love with Paul, to crave Paul's body in hers and on hers as much as she had craved and wanted Danny's body.

Shutting the nursery door, she next went into her son's room. As usual, he had kicked off his covers but was now slightly shivering in his sleep. If it weren't for the fact that he was only five and was male, you would almost think he was menopausal. She giggled at the idea and thought she felt a light swat on her butt. Okay, Danny was definitely here. That was something Paul had never done, either back when they were in school together or now.

"_And he never, ever did it with me, either, CJ. Even in jest, he would never hit a woman. And you saw what it took for him to do what he had to do this afternoon."_

Somehow, CJ knew that Paddy had learned his lesson well, that there would never be any need for her or for Paul to go through another scene like today's with her son.

After they had listened to Paddy tell them that his candy bar had dropped into the dirt and that when he asked Caitlin to share hers, she had said "Mine!" and ate the entire thing, they told him it was no excuse for what he had done. Yes, Paul told Paddy, it was a good thing to share something you have with someone who doesn't have it. Yes, CJ told her son, it would have been nice if Caitlin had shared her candy with him when his fell into the dirt. However, just because God would want him or Caitlin or anyone else to share didn't mean that he or anyone else had the right to demand it of Caitlin. It wasn't his right to be mean to Caitlin because she wouldn't share. For one thing, she was still a baby. For another, even when she was bigger, it would be between Caitlin and God (or Mama and Papa). However, CJ added, since he so obviously believed in sharing, next week, when he went Trick-or-Treating, he would be giving half of his candy to the food barrel at church, for the children whose parents couldn't afford to buy them candy and cookies.

She remembered the puzzled look on Paddy's face when, after Paul asked Paddy to come stand by them, her husband pushed down on the little arms that had come up to hug his Papa. She knew that in the past, once Paddy had listened to their explanations of why what he had done was wrong, once he had put his piggybank money in the envelope and promised to try very hard to avoid the bad behavior in the future, Paul would tell him he was forgiven and ask for hugs for himself and for her.

She remembered the brief little gulp from her son when, after she and Paul had told Paddy that lying about what he had done was much more serious than what he had done to the bear and to the toilet and that very serious wrongdoing meant very serious punishment, Paddy realized what was going to happen to him. Mercifully, for Paddy and for her own ambivalent feelings, Paul acted quickly and it was over in less than fifteen seconds.

Afterward, she was surprised that it wasn't Paddy that came to her for comfort.

After they had reiterated that the spanking was for lying, after they made sure that Paddy knew that there wasn't anything he couldn't tell them, that there was nothing he could do that would make them stop loving him (even if they might be mad at him), the child did hug the two of them, did take his empty piggy bank back to his room and went off to play, the pain on his fanny from the two sharp smacks already a receding one.

No, it was Paul who turned to her, slipped to his knees and put his head in what remained of her lap, reached around her pregnant body with his arms, and told her that this was the hardest part of being a father, that as much as he loved being a husband and a father, he almost envied Danny not having to have to go through what he had now done for a fifth time, would, in all likelihood, have to do again in the future, at least one time each with Caitlin and the new baby (unless the two girls got very good advice from their brothers and their sister and actually listened to said advice), even if Paddy never again required so drastic a measure.

As she bent down to kiss her son, she wondered again, if Danny would have down the same thing as Paul had done.

"_I told you earlier, I would have, CJ, and I told you that I would have expected you to share in doing it. Although, as big as you are, you would have had a hard time getting him across your knees. I just don't know if I would have been as calm and controlled as Paul was. And I'll never have to know. You're going to love Cosmas and Damian when you get here, and wait until you meet Danielle! Scott was right to not tell us about her, I guess, but she is just the perfect blend of you and me, your eyes and my hair. Anyway, I wish I could still be with the three of you, but this is what God wanted for me. And Paul is so good for the three of you. I really am so happy about the baby; so is Alicia. She'll be special, like Caitlin is special. I only hope that she and Hoop Hoynes do find each other when the time is right. Sometimes, I wonder why you were chosen to be the mother of two reincarnaters. Even up here, we don't get all the answers; we still have to trust in Them._

"_Now, let me have some time with my son. There's still someone else who needs your care tonight."_

As she left Paddy's room, she could hear the light snore coming from her bedroom and decided to make sure that the house was locked up, the lights and appliances turned off, everything secure.

Earlier, after the family had eaten supper, they had gone to the mall to find another bear for Caitlin and then had ice cream, also on Paddy's dime. When they returned, Paul took his laptop from the study and went to sit in their bedroom.

"I just don't feel as if I could get any work done in there tonight," he explained with a small smile.

So now, the house and her children all prepared against the night, she entered the bedroom.

Paul woke as she removed the laptop and he pulled her onto the knees where the computer had rested. Again sighing, he pulled her head into his shoulder, but he also rested his head against her breast.

Again thinking back on the events of the day, she remembered how, after she had put the sobbing Caitlin in the playpen, she came looking for Paul and found him hitting his left forearm with his right hand. She remembered his troubled eyes as he told her that it had been so long, over fifteen years, since he had needed to spank a child and that although he didn't want Paddy having to sit on a cushion or eat standing up, the boy did need to have a stinging backside for a few minutes if the lesson was to be learned. Paul had to know where the balance was.

She remembered the stress in his face as he reiterated what he had told her when they discussed discipline a year ago, during their engagement. Then, he had told her that children would try to lie when they found themselves backed into a corner on a situation that had gotten out of hand. At some point, between five and seven, they would be able to understand that telling such a lie was wrong, and that they had to be made to understand that they should always tell the truth to their parents. Paul told her that he had only had to spank each of the twins once for lying and that after that one time, no matter what Derrick and Deborah had done, they had always owned up to it and he had never spanked them again. "Well, except for when Deborah called Alicia a 'cock-sucking cunt of a tease' and when Derrick spray-painted swastikas on the synagogue." He told her that his brother had the same experience with his kids.

Now, sitting on his lap and holding his head against her, she realized that earlier today, he was telling himself as much as he was telling her why he had to chastise Paddy in such a manner.

He jerked slightly and said he had a leg cramp, so she stood and pulled him up with her. They kissed, and she felt his need for her hardening against her belly. Her body responded in kind. As they slipped off each other's clothing, they gently sank to their knees and she turned to rest her head and upper body on the seat cushion, feeling the warmth of her husband's breath on her neck as he carefully covered her body with his own, gently moved within her, skillfully used his hand to bring her to fulfillment and then joined her in that release.

The next morning, Paul reflected on the events of the previous afternoon and on his conversation with Derrick earlier this morning.

With any luck, he would never have to use his hand on Paddy again. Derrick had pretty much covered all the serious bases with Paddy.

Once again, he had apologized to Derrick for using his belt when his son had desecrated the synagogue. Once again, Derrick told his father not to beat himself up over it.

But this time, Paul explained to Derrick the epiphany that had occurred in his mind as his arm was coming down with the strap in his hand.

There was a mindset among some parents of young black men that their sons must be taught to not overstep, to not draw attention to themselves, to be aware that they needed to walk on eggshells in a white world. Often these parents would use a belt for just about any infraction, in order to root out any behavior, any attitude that might bring mistreatment or danger in the future. In the not too distant past, the adage would have been "better a belt on the butt than a rope around the neck."

But while Paul had never gone looking for a fight, had always walked away from any tense situation, he had always given the impression to others that he expected to be treated with dignity, with courtesy, and with respect. And, almost every time, the confidence that he projected meant he was treated as he assumed he should be.

This was what he wanted for his son. He did not want Derrick to adopt the idea that being treated differently than any other man was in any way expected or acceptable. And that was why he dropped the belt from his hand just as it hit Derrick's backside. That was why he decided that if there was ever another need to punish his son physically, it would be with open palm and not with a foreign object.

Derrick sighed silently to himself. He knew that his father would, in all likelihood, periodically apologize for that one lick for the rest of his life. And Derrick knew that part of him would always be apologizing for what he had done to his father's reputation in the religious community just because he wanted to fit in with a bad crowd.

In any event, he joined his father in hoping that Paddy would remember the lessons CJ and Paul had taught him yesterday and that Derrick had taught him earlier this morning.

Paul and CJ would make sure that Paddy knew that while he could always use the phone to talk to Derrick and Deborah, in other situations he could only use it without their permission for emergencies "for the time being". And, no, missing Maggie was not an emergency.

_October 27, 2014; 2:47 AM_

Paul pulled into his driveway. After looking at his watch, he decided to leave his car in the drive and enter the house through the front door. He figured that he had a better chance of not waking CJ or the kids if he didn't raise and lower the garage door.

He softly opened the door to Paddy's bedroom, saw the boy's chest rise and fall gently, and just as softly closed the door. Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles, the quilt was still in place.

Caitlin stirred fitfully when he checked on her, but didn't wake. Her new teddy was on the floor; he picked up the toy and put it in the crib. Tomorrow, or, rather, later today, CJ would take the old one to the cleaners to see what could be done to resurrect it.

He stopped in the kids' bathroom and stripped down to his boxers, not wanting to make any more noise in his bedroom than necessary. Then he entered that room, set his things on one of the easy chairs, closed the door, and made his way to the bed. He carefully sat on the edge.

CJ woke at the sound of the sigh, even though it was muted and barely audible. She saw her husband's back as he sat on the side of the bed. His shoulders were slumped in weariness, in frustration, and in sadness.

"Darling? The Baker boy?" She sat up and put an arm around those shoulders.

Paul turned around to face her, kissed her gently, and laid his head on her shoulder.

"Jerry's still alive, thank God, and should recover. The girl, Maia, is also still alive, but still deemed in serious condition. The Bakers and the Madisons are beside themselves, of course."

Eight hours earlier, Paul had received the phone call from a hysterical Tom Baker. Fifteen year-old Jerry and fourteen year-old Maia Madison had been found in the Madison garage, unconscious and unresponsive, three empty bottles of tranquilizers by their sides.

Three weeks ago, Jenna Baker had caught the two teens in Jerry's bedroom, not doing the studying they had told her was the agenda for the afternoon. Jenna took one look at her son's hand underneath Maia's sweater, along the side of her breast, and, as the kids were fond of saying several years ago, went totally apeshit.

At first, both sets of parents wanted to keep the kids totally apart, with Maia's parents even asking Greg Watson, the priest at their (and CJ's) parish, about "convent schools". Greg and Paul talked with the six of them and had suggested limiting any dating to group outings or events with one of the families, suggested not being in each other's houses when neither parent was at home, and the obvious placing of bedrooms off limits.

Apparently, Paul realized, both he and Greg had misjudged the emotional bond between the two youngsters and did not take into account the effect that a similar "forbidden fruit/star-crossed lovers" situation in San Rafael a month earlier might have on Jerry and Maia.

When the call came, he rushed out of the house and headed for the hospital, telling CJ that he did not know how late he would be. At 11:30, he called to tell her it was still touch and go and that he and Greg felt they couldn't leave their parishioners just yet. She should lock up and get to bed. She was entering the last trimester; she needed her rest.

She was now fully awake.

"Can I fix you anything? Food, a drink?"

"I just need to get some sleep, once I manage to unwind." She could just make out the weak smile on his face. "My head is killing me; I took some Tylenol right before I left the hospital." He lay down on the bed.

"Turn over on your stomach," CJ told her husband.

"I'm okay," he answered.

"Turn over," she repeated.

After he obeyed her, she straddled his upper legs and began to massage his shoulders, his neck, and then down his back. He could feel the weight of her expanded stomach resting on the small of his back. She accompanied the actions of her hands and fingers with periodic kisses; he felt the tension seep out of his body, felt the knots melt as if they were butter sitting on hot pancakes. He sighed in appreciation.

"Better?" she asked.

"Much," he replied and she shifted off his legs, moved up to the headboard, and leaned her back against the headboard.

"Turn over again," she said, and indicated that he should put his head in her lap, or what passed for a lap on a woman in the sixth month of pregnancy.

Again, he sighed as her hands worked their magic on his temples and forehead. Between the Tylenol and her attentions, his headache had all but disappeared.

The mélange of scents that evoked "CJ" teased at his nostrils – her perfume, the light perspiration of a woman who had showered some eighteen hours ago and had since dealt with two children and done some light housework, the scent of normal vaginal discharge, and just the hint of a drop of urine that clung to her pubic hair. His body responded and he could feel the beginnings of arousal adding to the desire that was always present, to some degree, whenever he was with her.

He tried to think of deflating subjects, but she had already noticed; she slipped her legs out from under his head, lay down beside him, and began to kiss his mouth.

Paul knew that he should tell her she needed her rest, that he could sublimate his burgeoning desire. But he also knew that he needed to make love with her, that it would help to heal the sense of frustration, at himself and Greg, at the parents, and at the kids; the sense of helplessness; and the sense of mild anger at God for giving human children sexual urges and physical attraction long before they were ready to assume the responsibilities, to have reached the emotional maturity that are needed with such urges and attraction.

So he responded to her kisses, caressed her breasts, moved his hands to her core, removed his boxers, removed her nightgown, and brought her to the point where he could join with her.

In her pregnancy, she had increased past the point where he could enter her from above and so she once again straddled his body. As she moved on him, his fingers continuing to work their magic on her, he realized that in a few weeks, by the time they would be celebrating their first anniversary, they would be limited to rear-entry positions. He needed to get some bolsters, something on which she could rest her upper body so she wouldn't tire when hands and knees were the only way they could be together. He didn't want to be limited to the easy chair or the edge of the bed.

Then he lost all rational thought and was only aware of her motion on him, her squeezing and releasing of him, her sighs and moans as she responded to his movement within her and on her.

They climaxed almost simultaneously, with him starting a few seconds after she did and while she was still quaking.

Still joined together, he eased her to her side and followed with her. The motion disconnected them, but genitalia stilled touched genitalia in sated contentment. Then she turned a bit and nestled her head down into his underarm.

They lay together in silence. The baby made her presence known with a few desultory kicks, and they laughed together as they both felt the little feet, she inside her stomach, he against his.

He stroked the side of her head, kissed her eyes.

"Penny for your thoughts," she whispered.

"I'm thinking of Greg in his rectory with only his cat for comfort," he replied, "and I'm thanking God that when He called me to His service, it was not to a celibate priesthood. I know I essentially functioned in one for seven years, after Alicia died and before Danny did, but I don't see how I could have done what He wanted of me, how I could have served his people, without Alicia and now you in my life. You are my sacrament, sweetheart."

She reached up to touch his cheek and he saw the glisten of tears in her eyes. He began to react with concern, and then stopped at the sound of her voice.

"We are sacraments for each other. And we've both been blessed to have had this feeling a second time, since we both lost the one with whom we had it the first time. I pray that God will give the children, all five of them," she touched her stomach, "the same gift."

And so they drifted off to sleep, the baby nestled between the two of them, protected by their bodies as well as their love.

He woke the next morning to her kiss as she told him she was taking Paddy to kindergarten and Caitlin to daycare. She would be back as soon as possible. He was not to move; well, yes, he could use the bathroom.

He did call the hospital. Jerry and Maia were both responding to treatment and all signs looked good. The staff had sent both sets of parents home. Greg called after his morning Mass and the two men decided they would leave everyone alone today unless they were called upon for some reason.

He must have dozed, because the next thing he knew, she was back, _en negligee, en lit,_ with two glasses of orange juice and two toasted and cream-cheese smeared bagel halves. As they looked into each other's eyes, they slowly sipped the juice, slowly took bites from the bagels. Hoping God would not consider it sacrilegious, (or would forgive him if She did), once again he simultaneously thought "Sacrament" and "CJ".


	9. Moments to Remember

**Moments to Remember**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC, Toby/Andy, just about everyone else

alternate universe – total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult – oral sex

Spoilers through end of series

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcome

December 5, 2014; Kensington, CA

Paul Reeves entered the kitchen, put one bag of groceries in the freezer, one in the refrigerator, and set the remaining two sacks plus the Subway bag on the counter.

Then, becoming aware of the silence in the house, he looked into the family room for signs of his wife and little Caitlin. (Paddy was attending a "sleepover" birthday party for one of the other little boys in his kindergarten class. When Paul dropped off the child this morning, complete with his little overnight knapsack and sleeping bag, Paddy told him to "be sure to hug Mama extra hard when she's missing me tonight." Ah well, from the mouths of babes –.)

Not finding anyone in the family room, he moved to the bedroom wing of the house. From the doorway of his room, the sight of his wife's shoulders gently lifting in sleep caused him to smile. Then he moved toward the nursery. Caitlin opened her beautiful blue eyes as he checked on her. She smiled at him, grabbed hold of the little teddy that CJ and the dry cleaner had restored to a dry, sanitary state, and rolled over on her stomach, going back to sleep.

Paul moved her from her spot right up against the railing to the center of the crib. After talking with the Lyman's and the Muñoz', they decided to keep Caitlin in the crib for a while longer and to use a bassinet for the new baby. They had tried her in the bed Derrick used, but she wasn't ready to accept the invisible boundaries of it.

Back in the master bedroom, he slipped off his shoes and socks, took off his sweater and slacks, and bent down to kiss CJ before slipping into bed beside her.

The scent of her perfume wafted past his face as her arm came up around his neck, pulling him into a more erotic, more inviting kiss.

"Thank God it's Friday afternoon," she murmured against the side of his face."

"Thank God for little boy's birthdays, thank God for sleepy little girls, and thank God for sexy wives."

"And hot husbands," she replied as his hand slipped under the elastic at her waist, came down over the thankfully quiet distention that was their daughter, and reached for her core.

A bit later

Paul felt all the signs and knew it was almost time. With his last rational thought, he let go of CJ's head and her shoulder, not wanting to hurt her, or force her when he let go. As he clenched his fists, he felt the surge; then all was lost in release.

Still seeing the flashes behind his closed eyes, he caught his breath. He felt the cool air as CJ removed her mouth, felt the movement as she shifted in the bed.

As he breathed out "I love you, sweetheart, he heard the faint sound of her releasing his ejaculate into a tissue, the sound of a sip of water being taken, being swished, and being released into another tissue.

As she turned again on the bed and lowered her heavily pregnant body against his side, resting her head on his chest, he turned slightly to face her, kissing her eyes and nose. Whispering more "I love you"s, he weighed whether he had given her enough satisfaction when he had brought her to orgasm right before she had taken him in her mouth, or if she again needed his hand, his fingers, and his tongue.

He had been pleasantly and gratefully surprised when Mariska Daglikova, the obstetrician to whom Scott Winkler had referred them, told CJ and him that as long as there were no complications, they would not need to forego sex during these last weeks of pregnancy. When he and Alicia were awaiting the twins, Alicia's doctor had been adamant about no activity for the last six weeks and he assumed that there would be a similar edict with this child. CJ had mentioned that with the twins, Scott said that because of her age, he would prefer that she not indulge in those last few weeks; with Paddy, she and Danny made the decision themselves, almost as if they were bribing God to give them a healthy, living child. With Caitlin, Danny was too tired from the treatments he was undergoing during that October and November.

Paul hoped that his joy did not show too much on his face when the Croatian immigrant told him that studies had pretty much proven that sexual activity in the last weeks of a normal pregnancy did not lead to premature labor or to any problems for the child.

Were it not for the deeply bruised and cut knees that a runaway trolley at Home Depot had inflicted on her yesterday, they would have made full use of the bolsters and pillows they had purchased a month ago, when even having her above him or having both of them on their sides became too awkward and only hands and knees would work.

"I'm sorry I can't seem to swallow," she said into his shoulder.

He sighed and kissed the top of her head. It must be the hormones; he thought they had settled the issue months ago.

_Alicia tried to stop herself from feeling smug, but gave in to the emotion. She leaned over to whisper in Brianna's ear. "Maybe I was never able to walk around the house with no drawers under my skirt, maybe I was never able to bend over the dining room table and let him lift up that skirt, but at least I had no problem with – ," she giggled._

"_An' if we were all the same, it'd be a pretty dull world, then, wouldn't it? And didn't you tell me that you and Danny didn't make it all the way to your place a couple of times in the last few months? That you stopped by the side of the meteor shower and just -" _

After their marriage last year, CJ had raised the subject the first few times they used their mouths on each other, explaining that she had never learned, and each time, he reassured her that it was not an issue.

"Sweetheart, it's not important. It never was, remember? Right from the beginning, I told you that what was important was your comfort level."

It began that very first night, so many years ago. When CJ had told him that she was ready to take that final step with him, he had been almost as anxious as she was; he just managed to hide behind bravado. Although he had been taught much by his fraternity brothers at Dartmouth, all his knowledge about making love with a virgin was just that – teaching, not experience.

Afterward, he had been so glad that he had been able to give her initial satisfaction, to possess her with a minimum of pain, and then to bring her again to completion. He was humming to himself as he moved about the kitchen, preparing the simple meal for the two of them. When she came into the room in the peach nightgown that imparted a glow to her skin and drew his attention to her hair, her eyes, and her glorious smile, he felt better about himself than he had ever felt in his life.

As he danced with her after their meal, he reveled in the thought that he would not be taking her back to her dorm that night, that the arousal that was surging against her would not have to be sublimated by a cold shower or by reading 50 pages of Estate Law. He lifted the skirts of her gown, felt the warm moisture that indicated that she wanted him again as much as he did her. She reached inside his pajama bottoms and clutched at his buttocks.

He half danced, half led her from the living room to the bedroom, and eased her down on the bed. "Use the foam," he whispered into her ear as he turned to fetch a condom from his nightstand. The packet slipped from his fingers and he bent to retrieve it. In so doing, he missed the slight grimace on her face as she inserted the applicator.

As he came over her, kissed her, and entered her, he was not rough and abrupt, but neither was he as slow and careful as he had been earlier that evening.

She bit her lip and tried to suppress the gasp that was ripped from her mouth. He stopped instantly and started to pull out. She used her hands to try to hold him in place.

"It's okay," she said. "I read a book and it said that it might take a time or two before the pain goes away, that I should just continue with the warm baths."

Then he remembered what the guys had told him; then he was embarrassed. He kissed her again and carefully pulled out.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. We'll try again tomorrow night, after you've had a couple more of those warm baths." He eased the tight condom from his still very hard arousal.

She put a hand half on his hand, half on the erection. "Would you want me to -, could we - ?"

Giving a brilliant smile and a slow kiss, he put his hand on hers. After showing her what would give him what he wanted and needed, he pushed her thighs wide and began the digital dance what would do the same for her.

She reached her first "little one" quickly, thrust hard against his hand, and fell back on the bed. Then she sat up and quickly kissed him on his arousal, then quickly lifted away and blushed.

"Would you like me to - ?"

"Only if you want to, sweetheart." He tried to keep his desire out of his voice.

She smiled and once again lowered her head to his groin.

"You'll have to tell me what, how."

He told her that she didn't have to try to take all of him in her mouth, that she should avoid any sense of choking, of not being able to breathe. He told her how to move her tongue, how to use her lips, what to do to the ridge that ran down the length, to the circling ridge of his circumcision, how to use her hand on that part of him that was not encased in the wet warmth of her mouth.

He reveled in the feel of her hair on his groin as she worked her beginner's magic. He stroked lightly on that silk, making sure that she had free movement of her head.

He began to shudder and moan, and she increased her tempo. As he exploded she jerked her head from him, but continued the motion of her hand over the length of him.

He came down to earth and reached down to pull her to his side.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"For what? That was wonderful."

"For not staying. For not keeping it in me. For this mess." She indicated the sticky whiteness on his groin, on his stomach, on her hand."

"Sweetheart, what's important is that you be comfortable with it. If you don't want your mouth on me when I go off, that's fine." He kissed her, then reached onto the floor for the undershirt he had discarded there several hours earlier, wiped her hands, then himself. Kissing her again, he left the bed, went to the bathroom, and returned with a warm wet washcloth and a hand towel to finish the cleanup.

"Now, I think I got the better deal out of that and I'd like to make amends." He moved down to the end of the bed and teased at her curls first with his beard, then with his mustache, and finally with his mouth. This time she quaked much more intensely against him and they drifted into sleep together.

The next day, he did make her take several warm baths and the next evening, he showed her how to sit astride him, letting her control the action, watching her face to make sure that she was not merely tolerating his presence inside her.

Over the course of the next few months, she learned to close her throat when he came, to keep her mouth on him. But she was never able to swallow and he never made her feel as if she was lacking as a lover because of it. Apparently, she never gotten over her dislike, be it with Danny or with the other men in her life.

So once again, he told his now very pregnant wife that she was fretting over nothing.

"It's just that I feel I should, that if I loved you enough." She sighed.

When she had made the same statement a year ago, he asked her who had put that idea in her head. ("Surely not Danny," he thought to himself.) She told him about a guy she was with for a while in her late twenties, when her career was in a slump, when the last of her college friends had married, when her ego was at its most fragile. "He would grip onto the sides of my head and just hold me there. He told me I wasn't a real woman if I didn't. It took me about four months to get my mind straightened out, to tell him where to go and what to do once he got there," she laughed, a little ashamed of letting him know that she had once been so weak.

"And Danny never disabused you of that notion?" he had asked.

"_Of course, I did! It's just nervousness on her part. For her, the first few times are as if she'd never - . And for all intents and purposes, this is new for the both of you even though - . Anyway, just reassure her. Sheesh! I never expected to be coaching another man in bed with my wife!"_

So Paul once more told her it wasn't important, and then proceeded again to show her.

After a while, he went to the kitchen and came back with the turkey sub and two cans of ginger ale. They ate the food and mixed catch-up conversation with post-coital affection.

She turned a bit, trying to get more comfortable beside him.

He licked off the bit of mayonnaise that had dripped onto her left breast.

"Did you see Deborah's email?" she asked, stroking his head before he lifted it from her body. (Deborah had sent the same email to both their work addresses.) "She expects to be coming in late on the 19th. It will be good to see her. I missed having the twins here for Thanksgiving." And this year, I don't feel as if I'm having to prepare for houseguests, she thought to herself, it's just the kids coming home from school.

Paul was anxious to see his daughter also. When she called in late October, she said that she wanted to stay in New York, to get some extra time in on her internship. All her other work for the upcoming semester was independent study; if she spent more time now on the internship, she would be able to stay with them until February 1st. She would love to be there to help with the baby and the other kids. "Assuming you would want me," she laughed.

Then Derrick called two days later and said he thought he would fly to New York for the November holiday to "keep Deborah company" and to "check up on Granddad". Paul hesitated before asking the question; he knew that there was a special bond between his children, no doubt having started in those nine months they had spent together in the dark wet warmth of Alicia's womb, that even a parent had to respect. But his paternal genes overrode his reluctance.

"Derrick, is there something I should be concerned about?"

He could hear the intake and release of a sigh.

"I don't know, Dad. I need to play it by ear, once I get there. Will you trust me to let you know if I think you need to know?"

On one level, it turned out to be a good thing. Gina and her brother invited them up to Napa for the holiday and Paul thought it would be a good idea. They could drive up early Thursday morning and come back to their house on Saturday. Gina, her mom, and the other women would take care of everything, would insist that CJ sit with her feet up, and relax. And there would be no way they could host any foreign students if they weren't in town, would there?

It was a very nice holiday. A second cousin of Gina's, a Franciscan missionary currently working in Costa Rica, was visiting, so they left about 5:30 AM in order to be there in plenty of time for the family Thanksgiving Day Mass that would be celebrated right after sunrise. CJ and the kids slept in the predawn darkness as he drove.

Enclosed in the warm, dark minivan, he felt very much the protector/head of the family, and it was a good feeling. He knew that some of his friends talked about him behind his back, wondering if he was completely sane, taking on another set of children to raise just as the twins were so close to being through with school. He could hear them in his mind. "Two more kids at his age, not to mention he'll be pushing eighty by the time that new baby is out of college!" "Let's only hope he and she stop with this one." "Well, I don't see how they could have any more without medical intervention and he never seemed the type. I mean, he and Alicia didn't go through any special stuff when she kept losing babies after the twins." "Yeah, but this woman isn't Alicia; she's bound to have her own ideas." (He winced at that last thought. Very few people understood the depth and the complexity of his relationship with his first wife. Alicia's mind and his were so interconnected they often knew each other's thoughts and feelings without words. It was only that his nature was more gregarious and more direct, whereas hers was more reticent and indirect, only those two little quirks that gave many people the impression that he dominated her.)

A year into his new life, he had no doubts. As he did every morning, he thanked the God in whose hands he had placed his life for all the good God had given him – his salvation, his health, his loves. The words of Eleanor Farjeon's haunting "Morning Has Broken" echoed in his head:

"Praise with elation, praise every morning

God's recreation of the new day",

followed by the rendition of St. Patrick's Breastplate that had been set to the same ancient Celtic tune.

They arrived twenty-five minutes before sunrise. Gina had a big pot of decaf coffee ("the only kind I'll serve") and some blueberry muffins ready. After the Mass in the old chapel where they had been married a year ago, the women ("But not you, CJ, you just sit and talk," Gina's great-aunt Sophia insisted) fixed huge platters of scrambled eggs, sausage links, and toasted sour dough bread.

At noon, Paul and CJ's brother took the little kids for a walk through the vineyards to the old cave that served as the aging room for the winery. Each child was entrusted with a bottle of wine, champagne, or brandy to carry back to the main house for the meal. When they returned, Sophia was again scolding CJ ("No, just sit! Well, if you need to do something, cut up this melon, and wrap these slices of ham around it, but do it sitting with your feet up!") as final preparations for the main meal were well underway.

The meal itself was reminiscent of the one he spent with her and her family when he and she were together at Berkeley and he enjoyed the fellowship of the extended group; this time he knew to go easy on the antipasto and the preliminary dishes.

On Friday, Paul spent most of the afternoon with the other men, watching football, while the women of the family surprised CJ with a baby shower. Tradition held that on the day after Thanksgiving, the men were in charge of the meals, which meant barbecued chicken, ribs, shrimp, and oysters as well as turkey leftovers.

On Saturday, laden down with several containers of left-over meat lasagna, cheese manicotti, sausage cooked with red pepper, onion, and mushrooms, five jars of basil marinara sauce, and enough fresh homemade pasta to feed them for the next four days, they took a roundabout way home, heading over to the Pacific Coast highway, crossing into the city on the Golden Gate bridge, then taking the Bay Bridge back home.

On Sunday evening, Derrick called after he arrived in Seattle from New York. He was a bit evasive about Deborah, but assured his father that there was no serious issue with the girl. He did finally manage to convince his grandfather to have a cleaning service come to his retirement community garden apartment every other week. ("It's just so hard to adjust to the idea, Derrick. My mother worked cleaning other people's houses; it doesn't seem right that I should be making someone else clean up after me.")

"_Seems perfectly fine to me, boy," Esther Dawson harrumphed at her son Joe. "Ain't go no problem with it, at all, no sir." Then she looked over at the little cloud sitting just south of Venus. There was a bit of hair, probably from that dog that belonged to that Concannon man who was always hanging around her granddaughter. She glared at it and it evaporated into the air. Now __**that**__ was the kind of dusting she enjoyed doing!_

Derrick also told him that his grandfather had already made plans to go to Columbus for Christmas, but if Paul and CJ wanted to call dibs on his company for next year - .

The sound of Caitlin's gurgling came over the baby monitor, interrupting his wool-gathering. CJ was already up, had already thrown on her shift, and was heading toward the nursery.

He had just finished pulling on his boxers when CJ came back into the room carrying the little girl. Caitlin looked over and held out her arms.

"Papa! Want Papa!"

"Hussy!" CJ laughed at her daughter, handing her to Paul.

The two of them decided to take her for a short walk down to the playground, so CJ dressed while Paul played patty-cake with the child. Then she took over while he pulled on his things.

After an hour or so on the swings (and being lifted to the top of the sliding board), Caitlin was ready to leave so they returned home to a blinking light on the answering machine.

It was Morgan Seaborn. She was calling to confirm the details of the gathering on the afternoon of the 13th.

"I'm going to go to the bedroom to return the call, and then work on those reports I need to have done by the end of the semester," CJ told her husband. "Come on, sweetie." She bent down to pick up Caitlin.

"Stay with Papa!"

"Leave her with me," Paul said, patting the spot beside him on the couch as he picked up the paper he had just skimmed earlier in the day. When Caitlin came over, he put a hand under her fanny to help her crawl up and snuggle beside him. She was growing so fast; soon she would be able to get up on the couch all by herself. Had it been a whole year since she had gone through those terrible nights? Sometimes, it seemed like only a few weeks ago.

In September, when they confirmed to his congregation what Mrs. Bialy and the other gossips were speculating about, someone actually asked him if, after the baby was born, he would still love Paddy and Caitlin as much as he currently did. It was one of the few times that he was actually at a loss for words. Luckily, he didn't need any; the choir director pulled him away just as the man's wife asked him if he could be any more of an idiot.

He reached down to stroke the brilliant red curls that lay across his thigh. "How could anyone doubt my love for you, Kitty-Caitlin?"

"_Indeed, how?" Danny echoed Paul's question. "And never doubt that I will love your daughter as much as you love mine. You and me, we will share these daughters, yours, and mine. They'll be sisters, sleeping in the same room, sharing secrets, standing up for each other at their weddings, hopefully each of them to the soul to which they have been joined for so many eons. How lucky you and I are, for CJ to have given each of us a little girl." _

CJ called Sacramento, identified herself, and after passing through two aides, was finally connected with Sam's wife.

Since CJ wasn't able to travel up to Sacramento for Sam's Christmas Ball, the Seaborns had decided that the members of the old Bartlet bunch who were coming to the ball would also come to visit her. In addition, Morgan (or, rather, her staff) had arranged for a caterer and for housekeeping services before and after the party. All CJ and Paul had to do was open the front door when the bell rang.

CJ thanked the women, offered again to pay for the costs (and was again told to "not be stupid"), and asked after Sam and Gemma. She also asked Morgan how her own pregnancy was going (the Seaborns had gone public right before Thanksgiving) and the two women traded stories. Then CJ picked up one of the reports she wanted to finish before Christmas and the start of her extended maternity leave.

A few hours later

She woke up to the soft wet lips of her daughter on her cheek and the sound of her husband's voice in her ear.

"Kiss Mama goodnight."

She stretched and opened her eyes. She remembered the clock striking five, but now it was a bit past eight.

"Wow, I really nodded off, didn't I? I'll go start dinner."

"Relax. I've got that under control." Paul bent down and kissed her on the same place that Caitlin had. "Why don't you take a shower while I read to her and get her to sleep."

She noticed that he was wearing his green silk Dartmouth pajama bottoms and that he smelled of fresh soap and toothpaste. Obviously, her husband had some ideas about how the rest of the night should proceed.

"Papa! Read!" Caitlin grabbed onto Paul's beard. She was supposed to be the center of attention, especially where her father was concerned.

He laughed and turned his face to the child. "Yes, darling, we'll go read." He walked out of the bedroom toward the nursery.

Caitlin was definitely Papa's little girl, she thought. But then, Paul was also definitely a daughter's father, both with Caitlin and with Deborah. When this little one comes, (she unconsciously touched her stomach), he would be on cloud nine.

The thought of clouds brought Danny to mind. He would also have been a daughter's father. When they first found out she was pregnant two and a half years ago, Danny didn't state any preference (and, given the experience with the twins, all they wanted was a healthy, living child), but the first words out of his mouth were "Well, do you still like 'Caitlin Delores' if she's a girl?"

(She told him that she still liked the name they had chosen when she was pregnant the first time. A possible boy's name took a little more thought. "Leo would be fine for a middle name, but since Josh and Donna already used it for a first name-" she left the sentence unfinished.

"CJ, I'm still open to 'Simon' if you like."

"Actually, I was wondering: how about 'Brian Leo' for a boy?"

He reached over and hugged her, grateful that she understood his affection for his first love and wanted to honor her memory.)

She had a vision of Danny in a similar scene as the one she had just witnessed with Paul. The pajama bottoms would have been the Kelly green of Notre Dame rather than the almost forest green of Dartmouth. Danny's hair, mustache, and beard would have been a paler echo of Caitlin's curls, and their eyes would have been the same shade of blue. Without losing one iota of her love for Paul, she wished Danny could have had more time with his little girl.

"_So do I; but I have Danielle." _

_He looked down at his inky black tuxedo. It was pristine._

"_Daddy."_

_He looked up. Danielle was wearing a tea-length dress. It was made of the same creamy lace that had been used for CJ's wedding gown, but the style was more age appropriate for a pre-teenage girl. Alicia had gathered her hair into a ponytail on the top of her head and curled the red locks into ten or twelve twisting spirals. Her face glowed with nothing except innocent excitement about the father-daughter Christmas dinner-dance being held on the Moon._

_(Alicia smiled. While Danny saw only a fresh scrubbed face, Danielle was brimming with the confidence provided by peach lip gloss, a little bit of blush, and medium brown mascara on the very tips of her lashes. And where Danny saw puffed sleeves, a round neckline, a big bow in the back, white anklets and patent leather Mary Janes, his daughter was overjoyed with the sleeveless scoop neckline, the pantyhose, and the dyed to match silk slippers with the one-inch heel.)_

"_These are for you, sweetheart." Danny handed his daughter the corsage of two burgundy tiger lilies and Alicia helped her to pin them on the dress. "You look beautiful. If only your mother -" He thought his eyes were wetter, but he couldn't be sure._

"_Have fun," Alicia said as the two of them left._

CJ headed toward the shower. If Paul had cleaned up – (She almost wished he hadn't. There was something about the smell of her husband at the end of the day that really aroused her).

Afterward, she scented herself and then put on the nightgown that Deborah had given her for her birthday. The style was Grecian "cross your heart" with plenty of fabric to accommodate her pregnancy. Luckily, although her butt had expanded ("to balance the baby", she remembered Diana telling her when she was pregnant with the twins), the gown still draped nicely. The color was a chestnut brown.

She left the bedroom and stopped by the nursery door. Paul was just settling Caitlin into the crib, making sure she had her caveman doll and her teddy close at hand. He bent down, kissed her, told her "Papa loves you", and then turned around to smile at CJ.

Once again, CJ wished Danny could have known his little girl.

"_That's fine, sweetheart. One, two, three__**, and**__; one, two, three, __**and**__." Danny led Danielle through the polka with practiced ease._

"_No need to apologize," he said as Henry VIII and Elizabeth I bumped into them. Then he laughed as the two monarchs collided with Oedipus and Antigone._

Paul closed the door to Caitlin's room and, with his arm around his wife, led her toward the other wing of the house.

She caught the smell of chicken as they passed the kitchen.

He had set the dining room table with their good china, crystal, flatware, and linen. Two places, one at the end, the other at right angles to it. There were candles and an arrangement of greenery that he had cut from the shrubbery outside their living room.

Paul helped her into her chair, and sat down. Clasping her hands, he thanked God for the food, for her, and for the children.

The soup plates held the "Mexican gazpacho" they had invented by mixing fresh _pico de gallo_ with low sodium tomato juice and a squeeze of lime. When they were finished, he took the plates to the kitchen and came back with two dinner plates, each holding half of a small chicken. (The salad plates were already on the table.) He refilled their wine glasses with seltzer. (When it was just the two of them, he wouldn't drink wine while she couldn't.)

After about five bites, she set down her fork and reached over to touch his hand.

"This is wonderful, but why?"

"I have to have a reason for cooking?"

"You know what I mean. The ambiance."

He lifted her fingers to his lips.

"Well, in about six weeks, give or take, we aren't going to have time for this, at least not as often, and I wanted us to have this to sustain us through this next phase of our lives."

He wasn't going to tell her that it was also to boost her ego, her feelings about herself. He had noticed that as she grew heavier with their child, she seemed to be a little less sure of herself, of her femininity, of her appeal to him. It was most likely due to the hormonal storm raging within her, just like her renewed unsureness about oral sex. He had no doubt that she would snap back after the baby was born (though not necessarily right after, he reminded himself.)

However, there was one other reason that he could tell her.

"Also, I happen to find the sight of you, pregnant with my child, to be amazingly erotic. No, really," he added as she gave him a look that implied she was being fed blarney. "You glow as if you know all the secrets of the universe, like the ancient Mother Goddess. I'm so incredibly lucky to have had this experience with you and I know that it will soon be over. I know, not soon enough for you," he laughed, "but I want to have memories of these past six months, since Scott told us."

She reached over and kissed his mouth. "I love you, Paul Reeves."

After they finished the chicken and salad, she put her hands on the table, as if to get up and take away the plates.

"No, that's my job." He gently pushed down on her shoulders and kissed her mouth, then cleared the table. She could hear him rinsing the things and putting them in the dishwasher. He returned with two dishes of pineapple sorbet and when they were consumed brought both of them a mug of decaffeinated tea.

"Let's go sit in the living room and look at the lights."

As they relaxed on the couch, they continued to catch up on the day.

She told him that Paddy's school had called, wanting to know if Paul would be available the week after next for the kids' field trip to Alcatraz right before the Christmas break.

"They want me?"

"Yes. Apparently, you were a big hit with the staff when the kids went to the planetarium in San Francisco last month."

He remembered the day in question, the day that CJ was just too tired to handle the commitment she had made. It had been fun.

When he first showed up with Paddy, one of the moms expressed surprise when Paddy introduced "my Papa" and then blushed and apologized. He laughed off the incident with gentle tact. He could sense that there was no real prejudice behind her reaction. On the bus over to the city, they got caught in some traffic that had built up due on an accident on the bridge. While sitting on the non-moving bus (thankfully, on Treasure Island and not on one of the spans of the bridge), some of the little boys became restless and were acting up, with each one feeding on the others' antics, and the teachers and mothers were getting nowhere with the lads. His quiet but deliberate "Gentlemen" and accompanying stare did the trick and he distracted them with stories about some of the stars they would see illustrated on the darkened dome. After that, his wish was their command.

When the twins were growing up, most of his interaction with them was limited to scouting and athletic events and attending recitals; he was looking forward to being involved in a greater variety of his new family's activities.

"Also," she interrupted his thought process, "I found a beautiful dress for Deborah yesterday down on Telegraph Avenue, so between that and the gift card for the new microwave, I think we're set for her."

Christmas. What to do for CJ for Christmas? Of course, he would get her lingerie and he had found an angora and silk hooded scarf that matched her eyes, but he needed something else. He didn't want to do jewelry, because that would be for the baby in January. Swallowing his pride, he had called Josh Lyman and asked for his help in getting just the right thing in garnet. Josh had come through with a marquise cut tennis necklace. When Paul thanked Josh, however, Josh told him that he in turn had gone to his wife, so the thanks should be directed to Donna.

There was nothing he could do about it, of course, but the special days came a bit too close together. First there was their anniversary in early November, closely followed by her birthday on the 18th of that month. With Christmas five weeks later and the baby's appearance hopefully no more than three weeks after that, he had been hard-pressed for ideas.

By chance, he found out that the old apartment house where he lived for his second year of law school was being torn down for "urban infill"; he went to the new owners and offered to purchase the whimsical little sundial and bench that had graced the garden outside the dining room and that had appealed so much to CJ. The couple, touched by their story, insisted on giving it to him. Vowing to spend more money on her Christmas, he accepted .their generosity and gave her the pieces for their anniversary.

For her birthday, he gave her little miniature oil paintings of Paddy and Caitlin for her desk on campus.

Until late September, he thought he had Christmas all wrapped up, so to speak.

The idea came to him in March, when she talked about arranging to rent the master's gown and the hood she would need to wear for Commencement in May. She asked him if she could order his at the same time, but he told her that he owned his own regalia. At that time, he decided he would buy hers for Christmas. She would need it at least once a year; it would pay for itself within three years.

Luckily, he hadn't already ordered it when, in post-coital necking and conversation a month after school started, she told him that the Provost had suggested that she pursue her Ph.D., a real one, not an honorary one. In reviewing her graduate work from the 80's, it was apparent that she was only two classes away from being ABD (all but dissertation). Personally, the Provost thought that the Public Policy path was the more logical choice, but if she wanted to do Poli Sci, that would be fine, too. Naturally, once she had the degree, it would mean more money --.

And, naturally, Paul was nothing other than supportive and enthusiastic for her, but told her the decision was hers.

But it left him in a quandary. If he gave her the master's regalia, would she think that he had doubts she could attain the degree? If he didn't give it to her (after having made some comment about not renting it every year), would he be putting too much pressure on her?

"Penny for your thoughts." She turned to him and pressed a kiss into his jaw.

"They're all about you and you're worth much more than a penny."

The kisses became more ardent; their hands began to move over each other; their breathing became more ragged.

"Sweetheart, do you think that if you sat on my lap with your back to me -?"

His penetration was shallow, only two inches beyond the head, but it felt so good to be inside her. She made frustrating moaning sounds and he reached around to give her the contact and pressure she needed.

It was a gentle orgasm for both of them, but satisfying in its own way.

Afterward, he leaned back and pulled her with him, one arm under her breasts, one under her stomach. As he softened, he slipped from her body. Lifting her slightly, he was able to slip out from beneath her. He managed to lie along the length of the sofa. By putting one leg on the floor and one raised against the back of the sofa, he was able to pull her down against his chest, with her legs hanging over the opposite arm of the couch. They lay there in quiet comfort, grateful for the guardian angel that was keeping Caitlin in peaceful slumber.

_Caitlin opened her eyes and smiled at the people standing next to her crib. They visited her often. She wondered why Mama and Papa and Paddy never talked about seeing them._

"_Dada. Lisha."_

"_Hi, sweetie. Why don't you go back to sleep? We'll be here if you need us. There's no need to disturb Mama and Papa."_

_Danny and Alicia took turns stroking the little girl's hair._

December 13, 2014

"Maybe I should have worn the dress." CJ stared at herself in the mirror and frowned. "I look fat. And are you really going to wear that?"

Paul looked over at his wife in her black and red color-blocked fleece top with black fleece pants, then down at his new Dartmouth sweatshirt and khakis.

"Sweetheart, you look pregnant. Your face is glowing, your hair is perfect. And even if you didn't look great, these are your friends. They're coming to see you, not your wardrobe. Morgan said Sam's in jeans and a Princeton sweatshirt; I'm just keeping up my end of the Ivy League."

When California's First Lady had called ninety minutes ago to let them know that the bus was on its way, she emphasized that everything was to be casual.

A few minutes later, they heard the sounds of traffic as the motorcade pulled up outside the house. Paul answered the door and stepped back as two troopers entered and did a quick check of the premises.

Then the door to the bus opened and the crowd descended on them.

CJ and Morgan bumped stomachs trying to kiss each other's cheeks.

Carol had big hugs for her former boss and the minister who had guided her and David through their pre-marriage preparation and who had enlivened their church before he left to marry CJ.

Charlie, Zoey, Ellie, and Vic said they brought the love of the Bartlets to their "fourth daughter" and her family.

"Toby. Andy." Paul put his left arm around CJ's hips as he offered his right hand to the man, subconsciously sending out a "she's mine now" message. "Congratulations and much happiness."

CJ kissed Andy, and then lightly pressed her lips to Toby's cheek. "Congratulations, I'm so happy for the both of you, for all four of you." There was still a hint of unease between the two old friends.

Paddy said hello to everyone and Paul showed off Caitlin for a few minutes. Then a female state trooper took charge of the children. The woman verified Will and Amy Marshall's address with CJ, then took the children to spend the afternoon and early evening with the friends who offered to watch the kids while the reunion took place.

"I'm not about to give a tour," CJ told her friends. "Just go ahead and snoop wherever you want to. My husband insists you've come to see me and not my housekeeping skills."

Within twenty minutes, they were snacking, drinking, gossiping, and watching football.

It was almost time to serve the main course, so CJ did a quick head count. It seemed that everyone was in the family room or the dining room except for Toby. When he didn't come out of either the powder room or the communal bath after five minutes, CJ went exploring.

She found him in the living room, looking at the array of photos on the credenza and the various tables and book shelves.

"Hey there."

"Hi." He was holding her wedding portrait with Danny, but looking at the one with Paul.

"Do you know how lucky you are, CJ? I don't think I've ever seen a woman look as wondrously happy as you do in both these pictures."

"I know," she answered quietly, looking closely at his face. There was a peaceful calm, a sense of quiet security that she had never seen on her friend in all the years she had known him. (About as long as she had known Paul, she suddenly realized, remembering that she and Toby had first met a few months after she and Paul had become intimate.)

He appeared happy, but she had seen that look before, back when he had fallen in love with, and then married Andy the first time, back before whatever had occurred that made the love between the Maryland congresswoman and the speechwriter not be enough to sustain the marriage. He seemed joyous, but she had also seen that joy before, on that terrible/wonderful day when Zoey Bartlet had been kidnapped and Huck and Molly had been born. In all their years together, she had seen Tobias Zachary Ziegler happy, excited, joyous, laughing, smiling; before today, she had never seen him content.

"It's going to work this time, Toby. You and Andy are going to make it."

"From your lips to His ear, but yes, I feel it also."

"What's different this time?" If the situation between Toby and Andy had been reversed, if he had been the one pushing her away, she would have been concerned that perhaps he had turned to Andy because she had married Paul, because she had made herself unattainable to him.

"I'm not sure. Andy says I've changed, that I see good where before I only saw bad. She also said that part of it was because I went after the PhD. My dissertation was approved last week, so come next May, I'll be Dr. Zeigler, thanks to you."

"Toby!" she squealed, hugging him as best she could, given her expanded middle. Then she told him that she would, in all likelihood be beginning work on her own doctorate once she weaned the new baby.

She asked him if he agreed with Andy, if he did tend to see good more easily now. He told her that he was. It was strange, he told her. Early last April, he was having a restless night, so he poured himself some scotch to help him sleep. When he fell asleep, he dreamt, and he dreamt of Danny. Danny told him that life was way too short, way too uncertain to be always anticipating the worst. "It's hard, I know, it's imbedded in our DNA," Danny told him, "my Irish genes and your Jewish ones. But fight it. Accept the joy of your children, of your profession, and most of all, of your friends. Toby, you and I are bound together by CJ, and by something else I can't tell you about. Believe it or not, I care for you."

After that, Toby told her, he did start trying and as he tried, it became easier and easier. When the twins graduated from middle school in early June, he and Andy spent a wonderful weekend with the kids, and things began to click at that point.

When he asked in early August, Andy said yes. They were thinking about going back to the doctor, to try for another child.

"So you may have to give up your title as oldest parent in the gang," he laughed.

"Gladly," she said.

They sat on the couch.

"So everything's okay? You don't miss Danny? He's treating you right? And the kids?"

"Everything is wonderful. I miss Danny every day and yet I am so much in love with Paul. He worships me. Paddy and Caitlin adore him. Derrick and Deborah are wonderful. Given a world without Danny, it's the best of all possible ones."

They continued to sit in comfortable silence, interrupted by comments and questions, but not feeling forced to make conversation. As is true in so many cases of close platonic relationships between men and women, each of them had often wondered what might have happened had both of them been emotionally free and searching at the same time, but neither of them had ever felt an unrequited love.

Looking back, Toby realized that his feelings for her right before and right after Danny died, and when he found out she would be marrying Paul were founded more on feelings on what he should do as opposed to what he wanted to do.

Passing by the doorway, Paul looked in, saw them laughing easily with each other, and smiled to himself. Make no mistake about it, to the extent that there was any contest, he was glad he won and Toby lost, but he was also glad that CJ had her friend back. He caught snippets of conversation.

"Remember when you broke the window in Manchester?"

"When you told us that Andy was pregnant, at Debate Camp, my heart was so happy for you."

"I still remember you in the pool, not able to see a damned thing, telling me to avert my eyes."

"That night at the Newseum—."

"You know, Claudia Jean, now that I see you here with him, with his baby, I see the girl I met when I came out here to light a fire under the Young Dems, and I know this is right for you."

He left the two of them to their memories and returned to his other guests; CJ and Toby could eat later. Later in the day, CJ was talking with Andy. "I don't know, CJ, it was like Danny came to me in a dream and told me that I needed to give Toby another chance, that he loved me beyond all imagining and that the kids needed both of us together in their lives."

The catering staff was efficient but very unobtrusive, keeping the food trays filled and the bar stocked, but allowing them to serve themselves and to talk in relative anonymity.

The Santos administration was winding down, but Josh drew the short straw, so he and Donna didn't make the trip. However, they were looking forward to life in Virginia. ("Josh says he's not going to put on a tie for at least a month, unless someone dies.") They had leased their Georgetown condo to someone on the incoming Secretary of Labor's staff.

John and Margaret were going to keep their Washington town house, but were planning to spend at least the next full year on the ranch in Texas. ("Bruno's okay with it," John said. "Hell, there are at least three small houses on the property. He's welcome to one of them any time he wants to come out and spend some private time with his son, in addition to the times that the lad will be going to Florida or New York. Hoop is so excited, I haven't had the heart to tell him he's too young for his own pony just yet.")

As David was a career employee of the State Department, he, Carol, Clarissa and Sean would be staying in the area. Carol was trying to decide between a job with the DNC and being a "stay at home" mom.

Charlie and Zoey were looking for a home in Newton; his clerkship with the Chief Justice in Massachusetts had caught the attention of Harvard's General Counsel and now Charlie was a member of the university's legal staff. When asked about any plans to increase their family, Zoey blushed and Charlie said they were having fun trying. (CJ remembered Danny telling her that Scott had made a similar suggestion and smiled at the thought). Zoey mentioned that Liz had been approached to run for their father's old House seat and was considering the move.

When asked, Nancy said "We've only been married for three months, give us some time to get adjusted!"; Jesse said that just because **he** was conceived on his parents' honeymoon didn't mean that he and Nancy were going to react to family pressure "from either side."

Ellie and Vic had been granted tenure at Stanford several years ago and would probably be there until they were ready to retire. Her father had stopped trying to guilt them into returning to the East coast.

Bonnie had been elected to the Hollis Foundation board of trustees and would be shifting from an executive to an advisory position. Jean-Luc had decided to cede the chair of the French department at Cal Poly to a younger professor in order to have more time with his daughters and his wife.

Rick had been reelected to his House seat and had been chosen Minority Whip. (The Democrats had lost the House by one seat but had held onto the Senate. Haffley was not going to have an easy presidency.)

Sam had won reelection as easily as he had won the first time and was looking forward to four more years in Sacramento. Everyone was very careful to not talk about what might come after this second term, but everyone knew what everyone else was thinking.

December 21, 2014

"So, Deborah, what's going on?"

"It's really nothing, Daddy, please believe me."

"Honey, when you close yourself off like this, I worry about you."

"Daddy, with Paddy and Caitlin and the new baby, you really don't have time to worry about my problems."

She could see the hurt in his eyes and spoke again quickly, realizing that her words had come out wrong.

"I didn't mean it like that, Daddy! I know that you love me, that you love Derrick! I meant that I'm older, that I don't need as much micro-concern as the little ones do." She reached over to kiss him, half in apology, half in reassurance.

"Deborah, I'm going to be concerned about you to my dying day. And remember, you'll always be my first baby."

"For a whole thirty-nine minutes," the girl replied and the two of them laughed.

"Those thirty-nine minutes were very important to you for a while." He smiled at the memory of squabbles over who should be the first to stop playing in order to take a bath and who should have to sit at the "children's table" at holiday meals with Bernice's parents.

"_Maman told the twins that they were acting immaturely and let my niece Louise's little girl, who was much better behaved, sit with the grownups even though she was a year younger than Derrick and Deborah," Bernice told Danny's and CJ's mothers. The three women were enjoying the hot tub at the spa on Ganymede while Esther was enjoying the attentions of Thor, the young masseur assigned to the four of them._

"I know you and Derrick talked over Thanksgiving. No, he didn't tell me anything," he hastened to assure her,"just that I shouldn't worry too much; but please don't shut me out, baby."

"Part of it is not quite knowing what the real issue is, Daddy. First of all, let me reassure you, I'm not pregnant, I'm not sick, I'm not flunking out of school, and I'm not in any trouble financially or legally."

"Is it a guy?" he asked; then a thought came to him, "or a girl?"

She looked up at him at that last statement. "A girl? Me?"

"I didn't think so, but it happens. And you **do** know it wouldn't matter, don't you?"

"No, it's a guy, very much a guy."

Giving in the inevitable, she told him about the fourth-year Med School student she had been seeing. Paul smiled when she described how the young man told her that he had known before the party at which they met was over that they were fated for each other; he well knew the feeling.

"So when do we meet this young man?" Part of him was sad at the idea of losing his daughter, but part of him was happy to be moving on to this next phase of life. He was going to enjoy the "concerned father" role.

"Well, he hasn't asked in words of one syllable, and if and when he does, I'm not sure what my answer will be. I wish Mom were here; I wish I could ask her how she knew she could give up everything for you."

"He wants you to stop school?"

"No, nothing like that. I mean, after this last internship, it's just a matter of doing the dissertation, so geography isn't an issue. But he has all his hopes set on a residency in Alaska, working with the native populations in traveling clinics. I always dreamed of writing for the _Times_, or the _Post_, like Danny. If I go with him, I'll be sending in pieces to the _Kodiak Daily Mirror _or the _Nome Nugget_."

"_Nothing wrong with either of those papers," Danny said. "The Nugget is Alaska's oldest newspaper. The rules are the same, no matter the paper. It's the research, the writing, the passion, and the integrity that matter."_

"_Even if I were there, darling, all I could tell you is to follow your heart." Alicia ran her hand through her daughter's hair._

"In any event, he now wants to give me 'time and space'; except to make sure that I'm okay and that I know he cares, he's gonna leave me alone, for the most part, while I'm here, and maybe for a while after I go back in February. He told me to let my mind be peaceful and quiet, so I can hear what God would be telling me."

Paul decided that he already liked this possible son-in-law.

"Daddy, I'm sure you probably don't keep things from CJ, but I could barely share this with Derrick, and you saw how you had to drag it out of me. I'm just not ready to -"

"Baby, part of being a minister is keeping all sorts of secrets for all sorts of people."

December 22, 2014; the Grand Café, San Francisco, CA

"Would you like to check your coat?" Paul smiled at Deborah. At her nod, he helped her remove the garment, handed it to the coat-check clerk, and took the ticket.

Then he straightened his cuffs, and checked the mirror to make sure his tie was straight.

As they were led to their table, Paul was aware of the attention they were receiving from the other diners. Deborah was obviously much younger than he was, and since her facial features were those of Alicia rather than of him, it was not readily apparent that they were father and child. There was admiration cast at him by the older male diners, curiosity, and speculation by the women.

The maitre d' seated Deborah with a grand flourish and set the menus to the left of their place plates.

"Dr. Reeves, Richard (he pronounced the name in the French manner, "Ree-SHARD") will be with you shortly. In the meantime, may I relay a drink order for you and your lovely daughter to the bar?"

Paul noticed that the older men seemed to sigh as if their egos were no longer defensive and that the women smiled with approval. The younger men looked at his daughter with new interest, now that she was more attainable than she had appeared to be fifteen seconds earlier.

"Deux Dubonnet rouge avec citron," he told the man. "And then please ask Richard to give us some time."

It could very well be his last chance to share a special meal in a special place with a special daughter for at least five years. If that were to be the case, Paul would have no regrets, but he did want to have memories to sustain him until Caitlin and then the new little girl who already had her hands on his heart were old enough to carry on the custom.

"Moments to Remember"

as sung by The Four Lads

The New Year's Eve we did the town  
The day we tore the goal post down  
We will have these moments to remember

The quiet walks, the noisy fun  
The ballroom prize we almost won  
We will have these moments to remember

Though summer turns to winter  
And the present disappears  
The laughter we were glad to share  
Will echo through the years

When other nights and other days  
May find us gone our separate ways  
We will have these moments to remember

(The drive in movie where we'd go)  
(And somehow never watched the show)  
We will have these moments to remember

Though summer turns to winter  
And the present disappears  
The laughter we were glad to share  
Will echo through the years

When other nights and other days  
May find us gone our separate ways  
We will have these moments to remember

"This Day God Gives Me"

attributed to St. Patrick

This day God gives me strength of high heaven

Sun and moon shining, flame in my hearth;

Flashing of lightning, wind in its swiftness

Depths of the ocean, firmness of earth.

This day God sends me strength as my guardian

Might to uphold me, wisdom as guide;

Your eyes are watching, Your ears are list'ning

Your lips are speaking, Friend at my side.

God's way is my way, God's shield is round me

God's host defends me, saving from ill;

Angels of heaven, drive from me always

All that would harm me, stand by me still.

Rising I thank you, mighty and strong One

King of creation, giver of rest;

Firmly confessing Threeness of Persons

Oneness of Godhead, Trinity blest.


	10. And Baby Makes Seven

**And Baby Makes Seven**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OMC; alternate universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Introducing Danielle Alicia Reeves.

Introducing Randolph Cregg, brother of CJ and husband of Gina.

Rating Adult – Marital sex and earthy language

Spoilers through end of series; may contain spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

Early afternoon, Wednesday, January 14, 2015; Kensington, CA

CJ grasped at the rigid foam bolster that was supporting her head and shoulders, tearing at the corduroy cover with the fingers of her right hand. With her left one, she tugged at the fingers of Paul's left hand, brought it to her lips, and kissed them desperately.

"Love you," she whispered in pants as her passions mounted.

"So sweet." His ragged voice took on the hoarseness it always did when he possessed her. He returned his mouth to the back of her neck as he knelt behind and over her, his right hand working his magic in rhythm with his gentle movement within her.

For some reason, CJ thought back to that first time, or, rather, right after that first time, when she told Paul that she had never been so aware of how good it would feel to be filled, to know that she needed the feel of something inside her, that the ache she had felt in the past was emptiness. She remembered how Paul smiled at her, told her to just wait until-".

When CJ asked until what, Paul just smiled again, and kissed her thoroughly. It wasn't until Thanksgiving, when she had been taking the birth control pills for ten days, until it was safe to make love with each without using a condom, until she and he could really feel skin upon skin, that she knew what he meant.

After thirty years, it was still the most wonderful feeling in the world.

"So sweet, so warm, so wet." She felt Paul's words vibrating against her neck more than she heard them.

And it was. Then it was warmer and wetter, so wet she felt it running down her legs.

"Sweetheart?"

"My water just broke."

He was out of her and off her in an instant, coming around to face her.

"Did I-?"

"Probably not, I mean, you've been so careful, and Mariska did say I was ready anytime. I guess what I thought were just Braxton-Hicks contractions were the start of the real thing."

"Claudia Jean, do you mean to tell me that you were having contractions and you let me make love to you?"

Except for their wedding vows, he had only called her "Claudia Jean" twice in all their time together, now and back when they were in school together. Once in those first few months, she was overly worried about an exam and just couldn't let go, so she tried to fake it. He knew right away, told her that he would spend all night, if necessary, to give her what she needed or he would accept the fact that on these hopefully few occasions, she wasn't open to it; but never, never, lie to him about it. The second time was when they had the disagreement about his defending the guy who spanked his fiancée in the lounge.

Paul helped her to sit on the side of the now soaking bed; CJ reached for the phone, punched in the number she knew by heart.

CJ explained the situation (well, not quite all of it) to the nurse, and was told to get to the hospital. Given her experience with Caitlin, they were about five hours away from seeing their baby.

"Let's take a quick shower and get going," Paul stood up and helped her to her feet. "We can call Deborah on the way to the hospital."

Deborah had taken Caitlin to get some shoes, and then was going to pick up Paddy at kindergarten.

"Well, Gloria said I could wash off, but I have to be careful. Now that the sac has broken, I have to careful of anything getting to the baby."

Now Paul was worried. "CJ, what if I leaked a little, what if I had germs?"

"Honey, her body is half made from you. And it's not as if you were coated in mud when you-".

Her laughter caused him to smile as they quickly cleaned up, grabbed her overnight bag, and drove to the hospital.

Two hours later.

"Now you be a good boy and do what Deborah tells you. I love you, Paddy. I'll see you tomorrow." CJ planted a loud kiss on the phone and handed it to her husband.

"You know, CJ, this hospital gives an expectant mother a great deal of discretion about who can be in the birthing room with her." Dr. Mariska Daglikova put her hands into the pockets of her light blue scrubs and smiled at her patient. "If you like the children could come down and be with you for a while. Some women even keep the other kids in here all through delivery."

CJ looked up at the tiny woman. With her black hair and almost black eyes, she looked more like one of the pixies in Paddy's books than the obstetrician who spent the last six months telling CJ to relax, sure she was an "elderly pregnancy", but everything pointed to a normal, healthy second and third trimester with a normal, healthy little girl at the end it.

CJ repeated her mantra.

First, she didn't want to scare the kids. It was going to be messy and it was going to be "uncomfortable". She didn't want to remind Paddy of what it was like when Danny was dying.

Second, when things really got going, she was going to say some pretty earthy, if not crude, things to and about her husband. If she gave her son time outs for saying things only half as bad as what she was going to say about Paul and what he could do with his body parts -.

Last, when the actual time came, she didn't want to be in this birthing room with its delicate teal walls, soft carpet, television, refrigerator, microwave, sofa, and chairs. She wanted to be a fully equipped delivery room. She had already lost two "normal, healthy" babies and she didn't want to risk –

_Danny ran up to Mariah. _

_"She's worried, and I'm worried for her. I know that Their ways are not always known to us, but you do have extra pull. Can't you please be there for her now, like you were that first time? Can't you go make sure that nothing happens with this child?"_

_"Danny, Danny, I'm there. Don't you recognize me?"_

_He looked down again, looked at the petite Croatian doctor, and back at Mariah._

_"How do you do that?"_

_"Bilocation. Don't you remember any of your Baltimore Catechism? Sister Mary Benedict would be very disappointed."_

_Danny looked at Mariah, and saw his sixth grade teacher in the blue habit the Sister Servants of the Immaculate Heart of Mary; she was the one who told him "Danny, you have a way with the written word. People will take your writings to heart. Never betray their trust; never write lies, never write meanness. Be true to your sources. Write to edify, not to denigrate."_

_"You were?"_

_"I have many names, Danny, many faces. Mariah. Sister Mary Benedict. Maria Guadalupe. Maria Angelica. Mary Margaret. Maristella._

_And he saw them all._

_The labor hall nurse who helped him through those terrible hours when the twins died at birth._

_The nun who laid the foundation with her insistence on grammar, punctuation, spelling, usage, and diagrammed sentences._

_The lactation coach who helped when Paddy was born and then when he found the lump in CJ's breast._

_The small Chinese woman in the Notre Dame dining hall who gave him food outside of normal hours on those terrible days when first his mother, and then his father died._

_The little girl who lived down the block who let him ride her tricycle and made mud pies with him that summer when he was five._

_The African-American nurse practitioner from Hospice who made his last days so pain-free._

_"Wow!" Danny sat down on the little cloud that had thoughtfully popped up under his butt. "Why did I rate having you in my life so many ways?"_

_"Ah, Danny, I hate to deflate your ego, but you weren't that special. I'm around all over the world for all the people. My Boy has a very hard time saying No' to me. _

_"CJ will be fine. The baby will be fine. Relax, go play with your children, go play with Pistol, go have fun with Alicia, Brianna, and her men._

An hour later

Mariska Daglikova knew that CJ was, in all likelihood, worrying about nothing, but she was considerate of her patient's fears. They were in the delivery room, with all the equipment that made CJ just a bit more relaxed about the birthing process.

"You ever touch me again, I'm going to cut em off, throw em in the food processor, grind em up, cook em, and feed them to the neighbor's cat!"

"I'm sure you will." Paul laughed and slipped a couple of ice chips into CJ's mouth, then wiped her face with the damp cloth he was holding. (However, he did reflexively press his thighs together.)

"This is all your fault; you fucking did this to me."

"Well, that is the usual way to impregnate your wife. And I'm glad to hear you say that. I was afraid she might come out looking like Toby."

"When we went to Hanover in October, for Dartmouth's homecoming, you were gloating from here to the next century. In your late fifties and not only did you land a new wife, you knocked her up in less than five months; got her barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen."

"Damned straight. Had to put you in your place."

"Asshole arrogant man! I bet you're proud of yourself."

"You better believe it. Now, I think that Mariska wants you to push again. Come on, sweetheart, pretend you're shoving me out of the bed and saying you won't let me back in."

"Okay, CJ," the doctor chimed in, "the next one is going to be it. You need to keep going and going, like that funny little bunny, until you feel her come through. I'm going to give you a minute to get ready."

Paul wiped her face again, then kissed her brow.

"I love you, sweetheart."

"I know, but it doesn't get you off the hook for this!"

Then Mariska told her to take a deep breath and to start pushing.

In a few minutes, she had pushed enough.

They put the baby in CJ's arms. CJ looked at the child, then looked up at her husband. Tears were flowing freely down his face.

"I didn't mean any of it, Paul."

"I know, sweetheart. You are so wonderful. Just look what you did."

"What we did."

_The child looked past the woman in whose arms she lay, looked past the man who was holding the woman in one arm and tracing the features of the child's face with his other hand. With eyes as old as time, eyes bright with exultation, the child looked at the two people standing off to the side and just a bit off the floor and smiled. Then the eyes began to fade, as knowledge was forgotten._

_"Good bye, Jackie," Danny whispered._

_"Hello, Danielle Alicia, welcome to life, little namesake," Alicia buried her face in Danny's shoulder._

_"Come on, lets go to our star."_

They took the baby to the nursery to do a few more tests, to get her eye drops, her vitamins, and her first batch of shots.

CJ was returned to the birthing suite, where she was also bathed. Paul sat in the chair beside the bed, holding CJ's hand, telling her over and over how much he loved her.

They brought the baby to CJ; she opened her gown and held the child to her breast. It took about four tries, but nursing began.

Paul stared at his wife and his newest daughter for a few seconds, then lowered his head, clasped his hands between open knees, and thanked God.

"Paul?"

He looked up to see that CJ had scooted over in the bed and was patting it with her free hand. He slipped off his loafers, settled down beside her, and watched as his wife and his daughter bonded in that most special of relationships.

"Okay, darling, go to Papa." CJ handed the child to him and it was his turn to press his new daughter to his heart.

After a while, they unwrapped and undressed her, verifying for themselves that everything was normal, everything was perfect. After she was clothed again, Paul reached for his phone and took pictures.

When the nurse came for the baby, CJ at first protested. The woman told her that now that she had been fed, the baby would sleep for at least five or six hours; being born was hard work. The staff would want to continue to monitor her vitals, just to be sure. And CJ also needed to rest and recover from the birth. Tomorrow, assuming everything was still okay, she could keep the baby with her in the room. Tomorrow, the frequent feedings would begin in earnest; CJ should take advantage of this time.

So, with final kisses from her parents, Danielle Alicia Reeves was taken back to the nursery.

"Paul, we have to let the others know."

Paul sent Deborah the picture while CJ called on the land line. Yes, she was beautiful. No, Paul told Deborah, he wanted to call Derrick himself, and Joe, and CJ's brothers, and Danny's sister, but would she please call her uncle and also let her mom's sister know? CJ asked Deborah to call Carol and Diana and forward the picture. Paul told his oldest daughter he would probably be home in about 90 minutes; he wanted to spend a little more time with CJ, but the exhilaration was beginning to subside and he could sense that CJ was tiring. And Deborah, remember, you'll always be my first baby. CJ told Paddy and Caitlin that she missed them and that tomorrow, Papa and Deborah would bring them to see her and their new little sister.

Seattle, WA

Derrick Reeves felt the vibration of his phone against his left thigh, looked down, and saw his father's number on the screen.

"Hey, Dad," he said softly into the phone as he got up and walked out of the main reference room of the law library and into the hall.

"She's here. I'll send a picture. About an hour ago." Paul realized that his mind was beginning to be affected by the birth of his youngest child. "I'm sorry, I'm not making any sense."

"Dad, you are making perfect sense. Congratulations! Everything's okay, with CJ and the baby?"

"The baby is perfect. CJ's wonderful, exhausted," Paul looked over at his suddenly sleeping wife and thought she had never looked more beautiful, "but absolutely fine. I guess I'm exhausted myself."

"Look, Dad, I'll have to check flights, but I'm flying down Friday after my last class. I can't wait to see my littlest sister. I can only stay the weekend, unfortunately."

The words were on the tip of his tongue ("You don't have to do that, son, you have studying to do, it's your last term"), but then Paul realized that he wanted his son to be with them, to have the whole family together. "We'd love it, Derrick; families should be together on happy occasions like this. Will you let me cover the airfare? A last minute trip like this, it's got to be pricey." He had learned since the incident in the restaurant last April; his son would always be his son, but his son was also a man and deserved a man's respect. Offer; don't insist.

"How about we split it, Dad? And, Dad, I appreciate the help." Derrick had also learned since that occasion; no matter how old Derrick got, he would always be his father's son.

Berkeley, CA

He placed quick calls to Erin and to CJ's brothers, accepted their congratulations, and promised to send the pictures as soon as he hung up. And, yes, more pictures tomorrow. The doctor said that if all went well, CJ and the baby could go home on Friday. Deborah would be with them until early February, but after that, yes, he and CJ would welcome some help. They would work out the details later.

Then, with a soft kiss on CJ's mouth and a whispered "Thank you; I love you; I'll be back in the morning," he left the room for a final check on his newborn.

_Danny went over to the bed, sat down on the edge, and picked up CJ's hand in one of his. He brought the hand to his lips, and then lowered it as he reached with the other hand to stroke her hair and bent to kiss her forehead._

_"I love you forever, my Jeanie. She's a beautiful namesake. Eventually, we'll have to figure out what to call her when all of us are here and you meet the little girl we never knew we made. And I'm glad that Paul is taking the time to be with you, that the two of you will see this little one grow day by day. We were lucky; I had the whole summer and then only my classes for the next year. I feel so bad for the guys who had to go to the office, or Robin, flying all over the world._

_"I only wish-" His hand trailed down the length of her, just barely touching, tracing her jaw, then the curve of her left breast; he skimmed the still distended but smaller stomach, and ever so lightly brushed at the juncture of her legs._

_Then Danny moved to the sofa. He would keep sentry until Paul returned in the morning._

Paul looked through the nursery window. She was in the second row, a big pink "It's a girl!" sign with "Claudia and Paul" printed on the line for parents' names, on the back of her bassinet. She slept calmly in her little pink hat, her little pink blanket rising a falling ever so slightly with her even breathing.

One of the nurses smiled at him, came to the window, and mouthed, "Do you want to hold her?"

Paul smiled, shook his head from side to side, and said, "Take good care of her."

_Alicia came to stand beside Paul, placing her arm around his waist. _

_"She's beautiful, my love, but then, coming from the two of you, and knowing who her soul is, what else would one expect? And don't worry; the twins know that they are still in your heart, perhaps, in their still young and somewhat foolish minds, more than they think they should be. Now Paddy and Caitlin, they might need some extra attention, make sure they know that the new baby, especially since she is yours and not Danny's, doesn't mean you love them any less. You're a wonderful father, Paul; I only wish that Leslie and Theo," Alicia thought she felt a tear, but couldn't be sure._

_"Anyway, go home and get some rest. I'll be here with the baby and Danny is with CJ. We won't let anything happen to either of them."_

_Alicia reached up with her free hand, cupped Paul's cheek and ran her thumb over his mustache. She brushed her mouth across his. Letting go, she slipped through the glass window into the newborn nursery, and took up her watch over the little girl with Danny's and her names._

Kensington, CA

Paul opened the door to the kitchen.

Deborah, Paddy, and Caitlin looked up from the table where they were eating meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and green beans. Paddy jumped up and ran to hug his Papa around the hips.

"I missed you. Where's Mama?"

Paul reached down and picked up the boy. "We told you, Mama and Danielle Alicia have to stay at the hospital for a little bit."

"Are they sick? Like Daddy?"

Paul sighed to himself. He and CJ thought that Paddy was beginning to understand that what happened to Danny was an aberration, not the norm. Hopefully, it was just the uncertainty about the new baby that was causing this latest bout of fear.

"No, they aren't sick. It's just that they need special care right now and it's easier to do that at the hospital. Remember right after Halloween, when Billy had to have to tonsils removed? How he stayed at the hospital for a few days? That's the case with Mama and the baby."

"Do they get to eat all the ice cream they want?"

"Well, Danielle Alicia won't be eating anything for quite a while, just drinking milk. Remember when Caitlin was just a baby? And I don't think Mama wants that much ice cream." (Right now, Mama doesn't want much of anything, but four hours ago, she told me she was going to sauté my genitals and eat them with her brother's prize-winning Pinot Noir.)

He walked over to the table, where Caitlin was holding up her arms, crying out "Papa! Papa!" Paul lowered Paddy, picked up the little girl from her booster chair, and gave her a big hug.

Still holding onto her, he reached down for Deborah's kiss. "Hi, baby, thank you again for being here, for helping."

When asked what he wanted to drink, Paul replied, "I'll get it later."

Understanding, Deborah got up, went to the liquor cabinet, and poured her father several fingers' worth of the pot-still whiskey with which Danny's family kept her father and CJ supplied.

Still holding onto Caitlin, Paul showed them the rest of the pictures and explained again to Paddy that Mama was really tired and was sleeping; it would not be a good thing to call her and wake her up. The little boy pouted a little, but brightened when told that his big brother would be coming to visit on Friday night.

Deborah fetched a plate and cutlery and at his direction, fixed his plate. His nerves a bit shaky with relief, Paul wasn't able to eat with one hand, so Deborah took Caitlin from him, distracting the little girl with an ice cream bar when she began to fuss.

The calls began to come in – the Seaborns, the Lymans, the Muñoz', Hank and Steve, President and Mrs. Bartlet, Carol and David Palmer. Hogan Cregg emailed from her aircraft carrier in the Mediterranean. In between, he managed to call CJ's assistant and his own, so they could spread the word among their academic colleagues. He also called Greg Watson and the senior pastor at his parish.

He was used to Caitlin being "clingy", but Paddy was also in need of reassurance. The little boy nestled at his side while he held Caitlin and read from her storybook. After she closed her eyes, Paul set her in her crib, and then sat with Paddy as the boy took his bath.

Paul read to Paddy from the boy's book. After two chapters, closed the book.

"Papa, can I sleep with you tonight?"

Paul thought about the bed he and CJ left earlier in the day.

"I don't think so. But I'll stay here with you until you fall asleep." (And, depending on hot tired I am, if I can't find the energy to change our bed, I'll probably come crash on Derrick's.)

But when Paul walked into the master bedroom, he saw that the bed had been made up with fresh linen, the bolsters, and extra pillows neatly stacked off to the side. When CJ told Deborah where to find her address book, where to find the numbers for Carol and Diana, neither she nor Paul thought about what they had been doing right before they came to the hospital.

"Thank you for changing the bed." Paul walked into the kitchen, where Deborah was just wiping down the counters and the stove. The dishwasher hummed through the wash cycle. He pulled her away from the sink and kissed her forehead.

"I figured you'd be too tired to deal with it."

Both father and daughter blushed slightly. In spite of the discussions they had had over the last six or seven years, both were still a little hesitant about each other's sexuality.

"Deborah, I meant what I said before; CJ and I are so grateful that you are with us now, for all the help you've been, for all the help you will be." Deborah had run the errands, had taken Paddy back and forth to kindergarten, and had taken Caitlin to daycare. "And, one more time, we are trusting you when you say this isn't interfering with your coursework or your internship. We don't want to be the cause of any delay in you getting your PhD."

"Daddy, it's been good for me, too. It's given me time to rest, to do something different, to think. And I'm perfectly fine with the courses; I'm on schedule to get my dissertation done by next fall, defend it, and get the degree a year from May. Four years isn't that bad for a PhD. It's not as if the course work is cut and dried, the way Derrick's is. Besides, what would you do if we both were graduating at the same time? College was hard enough, one day apart, even though the drive between Oberlin and Oxford was only four hours."

"Well, I notice that your young man has been keeping in touch." Deborah's cell had rung with a particular tone twice a week since she arrived in December. And once, Paul picked up the land line only to be greeted as "Dr. Reeves" by a very polite male voice who identified himself and asked that Deborah be told that he had received a "not in service" message from her cell phone company and was concerned.

Deborah smiled, hung her head, and nodded up and down.

"Daddy, you look exhausted. Go to bed."

"I am; I'm just going to lock up. You?"

"I'm going to get in the tub and read a little first."

As he stripped down and crawled into bed, he realized that it was the first time he had slept in the bed alone since their wedding fourteen months ago. He really should set the alarm on his cell for an hour, to check on Deborah in the tub, he thought, and then he thought no more.

Thursday January 15, 2015

The next morning, Paul was up early, ready to get to the hospital as soon as possible. Deborah would bring the kids around eleven. Paul called the kindergarten, explained that Paddy would be out of school today and tomorrow.

Paul stopped at the florist on the way to the hospital and picked up a big bouquet of imported gerberas in a celadon vase. At the nurses' station in the maternity ward, they told Paul that his daughter was now in the room with his wife and he could go right in.

Apparently, CJ had just finished nursing because her gown was open, but Danielle Alicia was lying face down across her knees and CJ was rubbing little circles on the baby's back.

He heard the burp as he bent down to kiss CJ.

"May I take her?"

"She needs changing first." CJ reached for the child.

"Let me."

After changing the baby, Paul sat in the chair next to the bed and sang to the little one until her eyes closed and her gentle breathing indicated that she was asleep. He gently set the baby in the bassinet, then, slipping his hand into his inside jacket pocket, he sat down on the bed next to CJ. Kissing the side of her hair, he swept the locks to one side, slipped the tennis necklace made of marquise cut garnets around her neck and fastened the magnetic clasp.

"Thirty-five years ago, I dreamt of this day. Thank you, sweetheart, for giving me this child."

She turned around in the bed and kissed him. "Thank you."

They looked over the flowers sent by their friends and family. Paul had brought his laptop and they read over the congratulatory emails. There were a few phone calls.

Josh called from the White House.

"Congrats on the kid, CJ, how did you manage to get everyone to write their transition documents? It's only five days and I've only received ten of them!"

Franklin Hollis called with his wishes and to tell her, in confidence, that Matt Santos had agreed to take over "Road to a Better World". They would make the official announcement in May. Helen Santos was insisting on four months of decompression before moving to California.

Toby and Andy called to add their expression of joy and to tell her that they had good news themselves. Come June—

A volunteer came in and helped CJ to the shower, to bathe and to wash her hair.

Paul designed a birth announcement and prepared a mailing list.

The nurses' station rang. Deborah, Paddy, and Caitlin were here; Paul needed to come to verify their identities and to authorize their admission to CJ's room.

The three of them were identified and banded with bar-coded bracelets (which Paddy thought was the coolest thing ever) which would give them access to the birthing wing. (However, only CJ's and Paul's bracelets would allow the baby to be taken from CJ's room.)

"Mama! I missed you!" Paddy leapt on the bed and wrapped his arms around his mother.

"And I missed you, too! I'm so glad to see you!"

"Ma!" Caitlin was normally her Papa's girl, but she too missed her mother and struggled to get out of Paul's arms.

Deborah briefly kissed CJ. While the youngsters jumped on the bed and hugged their mother, Deborah went to the bassinet and stared at her new sister.

"May I hold her?"

Smiling, Paul lifted the baby from the bassinet and put her in his oldest daughter's arms.

"Oh, look at those eyes!"

"Yes, I guess I've got a recessive gene from some pre-Civil War ancestor we don't know about. They could change, but she'll probably have CJ's eyes."

The baby began to stir a bit fitfully.

"Give her to me," CJ reached up for her newborn.

"Paddy, Caitlin, this is your new sister. This is Danielle Alicia." She set the baby on the bed and unwrapped the blanket.

"Her fingers are so tiny!" Paddy slipped his index finger into the baby's hand.

"Dolly!" Caitlin reached for the baby's leg.

"No, sweetie, she's not a doll. This is your sister, Danielle Alicia."

"Dan – sha." This time Caitlin took the lollipop from her mouth and put it next to the baby's mouth. "No cry."

"Sweetie, I'm afraid she's too little for a lollipop." Paul sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Danny's daughter into his lap.

"But she is hungry." CJ gathered the child in her arm and reached for the tie of her gown.

"Do you want me to take the kids?" Deborah left the sentence unfinished.

Paddy had discovered the TV remote and was fascinated by the wall mounted screen; Caitlin had fallen asleep in Paul's arms.

"No, unless you would be more comfortable not being here. I don't mind, Deborah."

Deborah decided to sit on the couch and picked up the paper that had been delivered with CJ's breakfast.

The family (minus one) passed the next few minutes quietly. After being fed, burped, and changed, Danielle Alicia fell asleep again. CJ began to nod and Paul was about to take Deborah, Paddy, and Caitlin to the cafeteria when the door to the room opened.

It was Mariska with a tall African-American man. The name tag on his white coat read "Philip Barr, MD".

The obstetrician took in the family gathering and said, "We can come back later."

CJ woke up immediately and looked at Paul, terror beginning to rise in her eyes.

"Deborah." Paul looked at his daughter with a silent plea.

"Come on, Paddy, let's go down to the cafeteria." She picked up Caitlin and took the children from the room.

Mariska made the introductions.

"What's wrong?" Paul sat on the bed, and gathered CJ's hands in his.

"The baby is fine; so is Mrs. Reeves," Dr. Barr hastened to reassure the couple.

"Then why-?"

"Something showed up in CJ's post-delivery blood work and then when we checked the baby-," Mariska started.

"You said nothing was wrong!" Paul could hear the panic in CJ's voice.

"Sweetheart, let's listen to what Mariska and Dr. Barr have to say."

Mariska began again. "Dr. Barr specializes in genetic disorders. When I noticed the difference in the blood samples, I contacted him. I'll let him explain."

"Mrs. Reeves-"

"CJ," she interjected.

"CJ," the man repeated with a smile. "Your records indicate that your blood type is A-positive. Mr. Reeves," he turned to Paul, "what is your blood type?"

"It's Paul, and I'm B-positive."

"Then things are beginning to fall into place.

"There is an antigen in CJ's post-delivery blood work that wasn't there before the delivery.

"Your daughter is also A-positive, so she received her A' from CJ, and an O' from you, Paul. Apparently, on that O' chromosome is a genetic marker that CJ's body registered as a threat and CJ's body has developed an antibody to it. Should you conceive another child and should it receive an O' chromosome from you, Paul, CJ's body would reject the fetus and she would miscarry. We felt you should have this information."

"But CJ is fine, the baby is fine," Paul said slowly, asking for confirmation. As both doctors nodded their heads, Paul continued, "but the baby has this chromosome. She could pass it on to her children?"

"Yes, but the problem only occurs when a male who has the chromosome passes it to a child. Any children conceived after that first child would be miscarried. That's why we've only recently discovered it. You would have to be able to trace through four or five generations. Your daughter would have to pass the chromosome to a son and your grandson would have to pass it to his child; that's a twenty-five percent chance for your great-children. If your daughter has a daughter with the chromosome, she would have to pass it to a son who passes it to a child; that becomes a twelve point five percent, and so on."

"My first wife, I was widowed before CJ and I married, we had twins and then Alicia miscarried twice, did I pass this to my twins?"

"Do you know your first wife's blood type and those of your older children? We may have to do some testing," Dr. Barr responded.

"Alicia was O-positive. Derrick is B; Deborah is O," Paul's eyes dimmed as he realized that he had passed the problem to both his daughters. He would have to tell Deborah.

"We felt you should have this information in case you were planning to have more children," Dr. Barr concluded.

"Well, it's obvious. I need to get a vasectomy," Paul stated.

"Darling, do you really think? Scott said I was at the beginning of menopause. I mean, if there's any chance, I could go back on the pill."

"No. I'm the problem. If I had known this twenty years ago, I wouldn't have put Alicia through what she suffered, what we both suffered. We could have pursued adoption earlier, perhaps have been approved."

_Alicia hugged Theo and Leslie._

_"Mommy, why is Daddy crying?" This from Theo._

_"He feels bad because the two of you never had a chance._

_"But we're happy here. I wish there was some way we could make Daddy feel better."_

_Alicia swept the bangs from her daughter's eyes. "Later, we can go visit him. Maybe when he tells your sister."_

The doctors left CJ and Paul with literature. Dr. Barr gave Paul his card ("Have your internist or urologist contact me if there's any question about the need for the vasectomy. Also, if you think other members of your family might need to know, or would be willing to be part of our ongoing research-") and also the card of a family therapist.

CJ held her husband in her arms and comforted him. The two of them drowsed off to sleep until the baby woke them with her needs.

Deborah called from the cafeteria and was told to come back to the room with the children. They took more pictures and spent the rest of the afternoon together.

Mariska and the children's pediatrician came by. Everyone checked out: CJ and the baby could go home tomorrow as planned.

Deborah took the children out to supper while Paul and CJ ate the candlelit meal that the hospital provided for parents on the mom's last night in the hospital.

_As Paul left a sleeping CJ, with a sleeping baby in the bassinet beside the bed, Danny stole into the room with Cosmas, Damien, and Danielle. The three children took turns looking at and touching their newest sister._

_"So Jackie really doesn't remember anymore? She never will again?"_

_"Not until she gets back to heaven. And let's hope that won't be for a long time. Let's hope that she and Jack, I mean, Hoop, find each other and are good for each other this time._

_"Now I'm going to stay here for a while and make sure they're okay. You kids go back to Pistol."_

_"Where's Alicia?" Danielle asked._

_"She has something special to do tonight. Scoot." He pushed the kids lightly on their fannies and settled down in the chair beside the bed._

When Paul arrived home, he checked on Paddy and Caitlin, who were sleeping, worn out from their adventures.

"Deborah, honey, could you come sit with me in the living room for a while?"

Holding her hands, he explained what the doctors had told CJ and him that afternoon.

"I'm so sorry, baby, to have given you this thing."

"Daddy, you didn't know. The doctor told you, they had no idea twenty years ago. And I'm glad they didn't know. I might not be here."

_Later that night, Leslie and Theo curled up against the father they never really knew and kissed him in his sleep. _

_Alicia sat by the side of Deborah's bed and wiped away the tears her daughter had managed to hold inside until her father could not see or hear, could not feel any more guilt than he already was feeling._

Friday January 16, 2015

Paul brought CJ and the baby home shortly before noon. Paul carried the baby into the house so CJ would be free to hug and kiss Paddy and Caitlin.

CJ, Paddy, and Caitlin cuddled together on the bed in the master bedroom while she read a story to the two children. Meanwhile, Deborah made lunch for the children; she kept it warm until the baby woke up and demanded nourishment. While CJ nursed the newborn, the kids ate lunch. Afterward, Paul changed and rocked Danielle Alicia while CJ took a nap, Paddy and Caitlin curled around her like puppies.

Derrick's last class ended at noon, so he was able to catch a mid-afternoon flight out of Seattle. It was a few minutes shy of 6:00 PM when his rented Corolla pulled up outside the house.

"Derrick!"

Paddy leaped up from in front of the television and the "Teen-age Mutant Ninja Turtles" DVD that he was watching, ran over, and hugged his brother.

"I'm glad you're here! There's too many girls!"

"Buddy, someday you'll realize that there is no such thing as too many girls."

Derrick went over to where Caitlin and Deborah were on the floor, playing with blocks, and kissed the two of them. He thought he sensed something with his twin, but figured it was probably a bit of exhaustion; she had been running the household, for all intents and purposes, since he had returned to Seattle five days after Christmas.

"I've got something for the two of you."

Derrick handed Paddy a bag that said "U DUB Bookstore" and a similar one to Caitlin.

"Wow! Thanks!" Paddy pulled out a "Washington Huskies" hoody and sweatpants. (Caitlin's bag contained a miniature cheerleader's outfit.)

"Nothing for me?" Deborah asked, laughing.

"You," Derrick pointed his fingers at her, "get a massage at the day spa tomorrow. I'm taking over here for the day. But I did talk to one of my housemate's girlfriends and she picked out some smut for you." Derrick handed Deborah a bag with two paperback romances. He looked around. "Dad, CJ, my littlest sister?"

"They're back here! She's so small!" Paddy jumped up again and pulled his brother toward the bedroom wing of the house.

"Mama! Papa! Derrick's here!"

"Wonderful!" The voice from the open bedroom door was welcoming, so Derrick walked through it, and stopped.

His father was sitting in the big overstuffed easy chair. CJ was sitting on his lap, his left arm around her shoulders; his father's right hand was on the backside of the little bundle that was pressed against his stepmother's left breast.

She was showing less skin than she would in an evening dress and neither she nor his father seemed concerned about his presence and that of Paddy. But the entire scene was so intimate, so special, that Derrick felt as if he and his brother were trespassing on a moment that belonged between two parents and their newborn.

"Oh," he said. "I'll come back."

"Don't go; she's finished for now." CJ slipped a small blanket over her left shoulder and over the baby's head, detached the child, and handed her to her husband. "Come meet your sister."

As Paul carefully handed the child to his son, CJ slipped off her husband's lap (with a light kiss on his cheek) and fastened her blouse.

Derrick fell in love. "She's beautiful; you guys do great work." He traced the baby's facial features with his index finger, and then reached over to kiss CJ's cheek and give her the baby. As CJ started to burp the little one, Derrick turned to Paul and gave him a huge hug. "As Neil would say, Mazel Tov', Dad."

Then he reached for another bag, one he had dropped by his feet when he had taken the baby, and handed it to CJ.

There was a little newborn set – hat, bib, onesie, and booties, bearing the Oberlin crest and the words "Future Yeowoman" – and a blanket with the Husky logo.

By this time, Deborah and Caitlin had joined them in the bedroom. Caitlin reached up to pull on Paul's hand.

"Papa! Hold!"

Paul bent down and lifted the little girl. Caitlin was beginning to show signs of sibling jealousy.

"So what's it like having a baby sister, buddy? Is it fun?" Derrick ruffled Paddy's hair.

"I guess it's okay. I got to stay home from school yesterday and today."

"No fun!" Caitlin stated her opinion.

"Sweetie, don't you like Danielle Alicia?" Paul asked the little one in his arms.

"Dan sha sleep. Dan sha cry. Dan sha eat. Dan sha cry. Dan sha poop. Dan sha sleep. Dan sha no play."

"Well, Kitty-Caitlin, that's because Dansha is just a baby."

"Yes, sweetie, when you were a baby, you were like Dansha."

By the end of the evening, everyone was calling the baby "Dansha".

CJ stifled a huge yawn.

"Sweetheart, you're tired. Is there time for her to take a nap before dinner?" Paul looked at Deborah.

"It's very flexible. I've got some appetizer thingies we can have until CJ's ready." Deborah took Caitlin from her father and asked Paddy to come help her with the snacks.

"Just let me get the baby changed and I'll be in with the rest of you," Paul said.

"Dad, would you show me how? May I -?"

"A task I'm always willing to share," Paul laughed.

They had moved CJ's bathroom things from her vanity to Paul's and had set up a changing area for the baby. Paul showed Derrick how to remove the tiny diaper, how to bathe his little sister's bottom and genital area, what to do with ointment and powder, how to fasten the fresh diaper, and, finally, how to use the Diaper Genie.

"Was I ever this tiny?" Derrick laughed as he fumbled with the sticky tabs.

"Actually, the two of each were each almost a pound and a half less at birth," Paul told him.

"She's got CJ's eyes?"

"That's what it looks like. We won't know for a while. Oh, thank you for bringing things for Paddy and Caitlin as well as for Dansha – well, it looks like she's got a nickname – I think Paddy had some inkling about what would happen but Caitlin is totally out of her element."

Derrick watched as his father gently carried little Dansha to the bassinet, settle her into it. Then he pulled a quilt over a gently snoring CJ, kissed the top of her head, picked up a baby monitor, and motioned to the door.

Forty-five minutes later, CJ came into the family room. She picked at some of last pieces of the cheese and veggie tray on which the rest of the family had been snacking and took a small sip from her husband's glass of wine.

"I'll go get supper on the table." Deborah stood up and CJ started to get up to follow her.

"CJ, sit," Derrick said. "I'll help her."

They were eating in the dining room. The table was set with the good china.

"Mama! I set the table! Derrick showed me how to remember where to put the forks and where to put the knives!" Paddy tugged on CJ's hand.

"And it looks very nice, sweetie." She bent down to kiss his forehead.

"This is something a friend of mine showed me how to make," Deborah said, setting the casserole dish on a trivet, "I hope you like it. It's chicken pieces on broccoli spears, topped with".

"Cream of chicken soup mixed with light cream if you can afford it, otherwise milk, salt, pepper, garlic powder, parmesan cheese, paprika, and parsley flakes," CJ and Paul finished in unison.

"You've had it?" Paul could see a glimmer of disappointment in his daughter's eyes.

"It was making the rounds when we were in school, baby. It smells like you have it right. And we were drinking it with 'vin exceedingly ordinaire', not good vintages like this." He poured the bottle of Grey Riesling that Deborah had selected from their collection of varietals from Gina's family's winery.

"And Abbey Bartlet said she made it when she was in med school," CJ added. "The President swears you can find it in the graduate student handbook for the University of Bologna, back in the eleventh century."

There were sliced tomatoes to complement the casserole, as well as crusty sourdough bread. CJ nursed the four ounces of wine that the children's pediatrician said was okay for a nursing mother "maybe four times a week, but I'm a bit conservative. What did you do with Paddy? He seems perfectly fine; let your experience with him be your guide."

Little whimpers came over the baby monitor as they were about to start on dessert (flan with fruit). Paul jumped up, telling CJ to "sit still", and went to tend to Dansha.

Five minutes later, he brought the still fussing child to CJ. "She's hungry; she tried to latch onto me."

CJ draped the blanket Paul handed her over her shoulder and started to unfasten her blouse underneath it, then halted.

"Will this bother you?" she looked at the twins. "I have no problem in front of family, but if you'd rather I didn't, I understand."

"It's not an issue for me, CJ," Deborah assured her. "If I'm going to be helping you and Dad for the next month, I'm sure I'm going to see a lot."

"There's a girl, a woman, in my Environmental Law study group, she brings her baby all the time. I'm okay with it," Derrick assured CJ.

After dessert and coffee (decaffeinated tea for CJ), Derrick rose from the table. "Come on, Paddy, help me with the dishes, No, Deborah, you cooked, we'll clean. And Dad, you just sit with your women."

CJ was ready for more sleep, so she took the baby with her. Caitlin usually wanted to curl up next to Paul but today she felt she needed to assert herself with her mother ("Mama, me!"), so she toddled after her mother, climbed up on the bed next to her (with a fanny assist from CJ), and fell asleep, her face in CJ's stomach and her butt in CJ's armpit (As she dozed off, CJ hoped that her older daughter wouldn't fart in her sleep).

Derrick had tied an apron around Paddy and set him on the first rung of the step stool. He let Paddy rinse the things that could be put in the dishwasher, but Derrick washed the fine china, the sterling, and the crystal by hand. No, he needed to have the water a bit too hot for Paddy to help. And, no, they weren't going to towel dry the things; just let them rest in the drainer.

Deborah and Paul sat in the family room with small liqueur glasses of Aisling's cordial. Paul had just told Deborah to be sure to enjoy her time at the day spa tomorrow, that she had definitely earned it, when the phone rang.

It was Randy, CJ's brother. He and Gina would like to drive down for a few hours tomorrow afternoon. They would bring dinner, they didn't want any special trouble, but they did want to see the baby. They figured they would get there about mid-afternoon, and leave by seven, eight at the latest.

By 9:30, everyone began to feel the effects of their day. Paddy insisted on dragging Derrick's weekender to their room. Paul picked up Caitlin from their bed and carried her to her room. He settled the little girl in her crib, and then kissed Deborah as she came in from the bathroom. After a double check of the doors, he verified that the oven was off, and entered the master bedroom. After two days of sleeping alone, he was looking forward to having CJ in his arms tonight.

Derrick talked with Paddy in the darkness.

"Paddy, you know, being a brother is a big responsibility. We have to look out for our sisters."

"Because they're younger?" Paddy stifled a yawn. He was tired, but talking with Derrick "man to man" was special.

"Not just because of that. Deborah is older than I am, but I still make sure that no one hurts her."

"But you're twins; you were born at the same time."

"Well, yes, but one of us had to come out first."

"Derrick?" Another yawn from Paddy.

"Yeah, buddy?"

"How did the baby get in Mama's tummy and how did it get out?"

(Dad, if you could somehow or another get yourself in here right now -). Derrick took a deep breath.

"Well, Paddy -"and then, as he heard the light snore from the other bed. "Thank God."

Like her brother Paddy, Dansha was a regular feeder, every two hours almost to the minute. However, at least right now she was a much more efficient feeder, only about fifteen minutes each time, so, allowing for a diaper change (and CJ much more efficient at that task with her third child), she was back in bed within twenty-two minutes.

Paul stirred as she crawled back into bed. "What can I do?" he yawned.

"Nothing," she kissed his nose, "unless you can figure out how to breastfeed."

"Next time, let me at least do the diaper."

"Only if you wake up. If you get more sleep at night, you can do more with the other kids during the day." She yawned, snuggled down into her favorite position in his armpit, and fell asleep.

7:30 AM PST; Saturday, January 16, 2015

CJ had just finished feeding Dansha, changing her, and had set her in the bassinet. She started back toward the bed and her husband, but then her stomach growled.

As she walked toward the kitchen, she heard the voices of the twins coming from that room.

"Well, if it makes a difference, he doesn't deserve" Derrick stopped at the sound of CJ's footsteps.

No, she didn't need a full breakfast, just something to quiet her stomach. Amy Marshall sent over some cranberry-orange bread yesterday when she first got home. That would do.

Walking back to the bedroom, she wondered what was troubling Deborah and made a mental note to mention it to Paul Then she promptly forgot about it as soon as her head hit the pillow.

After Deborah left for the day spa, promising to be home by four at the latest, since they were having company, Derrick took charge of Paddy and Caitlin. He fed them, took them to the park, played with them, and read to them.

CJ and Paul were able to rest, and to take a shower together. It would be six weeks before they could truly be together, but, assuming they both wanted it, Mariska said that "other forms" could start again in a few days. CJ had warned Paul that she had had "issues" when Paddy was born; Paul told her they would figure out everything when the time came. And, like that first fall so many years ago, she would set the pace; he would wait for her.

When Randy and Gina arrived, not only did they bring food for that evening (penne with sausage, mushrooms, and pepper; scampi with saffron rice; cheese manicotti with a thin tomato broth, and cannoli for dessert), they brought fourteen meals from all the women in Gina's extended family. ("I hope there's room in your freezer; if there isn't, I'll take some of it back with us and run it down in a few weeks.")

When Deborah returned, Paul suggested that they change into nice casual clothes and have Randy take a photo of the family.

"We can include it with the birth announcement," he suggested.

"You haven't sent them yet?" CJ asked, a bit perturbed.

"Things came up," Paul answered her quietly, and she remembered the news from Dr. Barr. Not everything was wonderful.

"It's okay," CJ smiled and reached over to kiss her husband.

So with everyone changed into nice sweaters and Dansha in an outfit that Hank had designed just for her, the picture was taken. Paul and CJ were sitting on the couch, Dansha in CJ's arms, Caitlin on Paul's lap. Deborah, Paddy, and Derrick were on the floor in front of their parents.

Paul loaded it into his laptop, pasted it into the email with "And Baby Makes Seven" as subject, and started the mail merge process that would show and tell all their friends of their blessed news.

"Thank God for modern technology," Derrick said.

Several people, when opening the email, remarked that there seemed to be a back shadowing of the seven people in the photo, like ghosts on a television screen.

Sorcha and Aisling looked at their copies and smiled.

_"The old technology was good enough for Lincoln," Matthew Brady harrumphed as he set up his equipment. "Is everyone in place?"_

_Danny and Alicia gathered the five children around them, the twins and Theo standing in the back, Danielle, Danny, Alicia, and Leslie sitting on little tufts of cloud, and Pistol lying in front of the group._

_The photographer put the glass plate in place and slipped under the cover of his camera._

_"Everyone be real still!"_

Author's note:

To my knowledge, the genetic disorder I've described in this chapter does not exist, but it is consistent with my knowledge of genetics, chromosomes, etc.

I thought long and hard about the ethics of inventing a disease when there is already so much sickness in the world, but I needed something to explain why Alicia lost two babies after the twins and why, had CJ and Paul remained together and married in the mid-eighties, why she would also have miscarried after their first child.


	11. Letting Go

**Letting Go**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult –

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Introducing Mitchell and Alison Cregg, parents of Hogan, Palmer, and Nelson.

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

February 27, 2015; Kensington, CA

CJ stirred and stretched in the bed. From the state of her breasts, she figured she had slept about an hour; these days, she could tell time by their relative fullness. For the past four days, Dansha had been sleeping almost three hours between feedings, and CJ had been able to pump enough to allow Paul to take over the midnight feeding, giving her the luxury of sleeping from 9:00 PM until 3:00 AM.

Still trying to decide between getting a little more sleep and perhaps taking a bath, she turned over, opened her eyes, and reacted quickly to the empty bassinet where her new daughter should be sleeping.

Hearing her husband in the bathroom, she relaxed, but then reacted again when Paul came into the bedroom without a baby in his arms.

"Dansha!" She sat up, panic in her voice.

Paul hurried to the side of the bed, sat down beside her, and put an arm around her shoulders.

"Is next door with Lee and Dottie for the next four or five hours. Lee came over right after you fell asleep and offered. It was music to my ears," Paul smiled at CJ, caressed her jaw, and kissed her mouth.

Paul did not tell her that Lee Hotchkiss, recently retired as director of Berkeley's Student Housing office, had told Paul that he remembered what it was like to be new parents six weeks after the birth of a child, even though his and Dottie's youngest was now nineteen and away at UCLA ("I didn't want her at home; kids should be a good half day's drive away, at the very least"). Since Gina had just left for Napa with Paddy and Caitlin - .

Make no mistake about it; Paul had been grateful for all the live-in help. Deborah had stayed through the first week in February and had been a godsend. Paul had been of two minds when she left; he would miss her terribly, but he knew she had her studies. He also knew that she missed the young man who called frequently enough to let her know she was missed and worried about, but not frequently enough to put any pressure on her.

After Deborah left, Hogan and her husband came up and stayed until President's Day. Then Clara Pagoulatos came up from Santa Monica for ten days. Clara treaded the line between grandmother and nanny with Paddy and Caitlin, making sure that the children were given enough attention but were also given a properly scheduled routine. After Clara left, Gina came down for a few days, but told Paul and CJ that she would take the kids with her to the winery "and give the two of you some space and time for yourselves, when Dansha isn't needing you. Randy and I will bring them back a week from Sunday."

It would be nice to have the house to themselves for a while, so Paul called Paddy's kindergarten and Caitlin's "two mornings a week" day care to let them know that the children would be out for a while.

They were incredibly blessed with what must be the world's nicest infant. Dansha ate on schedule, slept on schedule, messed her diapers on schedule. She accepted the bottles of milk that CJ had been able to pump from anyone who fed her.

CJ remained nestled against her husband's chest. Did everyone in the world know how to count six weeks from the date of Dansha's birth? Did everyone receive a CNN Breaking News email? "Berkeley, CA; Feb 15, 2015; 10:45 am PST – Claudia Cregg Concannon Reeves was given permission to resume normal conjugal relations with her husband of one year and three months."

"Sweetheart?" Paul reached back so he could look into CJ's eyes. "Did I misinterpret? You know, just like it was way back then, this is your call. We won't do anything until you're ready."

Damn. Paul could have sworn CJ was as anxious as he was to resume full intimacy. He knew that it would be some time before they were back to daily sex, but four days after she came home from the hospital, and about every three or four days or so since then, they had used hands and mouths on each other. She had enjoyed it, had wanted it, as much as he did.

CJ pulled him down to the bed. She loved this man so much, loved that he was once again putting her needs and wants first.

"No, you didn't misinterpret. It's just a combination of feeling funny that everyone seems to know and also a bit of nerves. Like I told you, there were some issues with Paddy. But never fear, it won't be like it was back when I was barely nineteen; you won't have to spend a month seducing me."

"CJ, I never misled you, then or anytime! I was totally upfront about what I hoped for, what I wanted, in the long-term. And I didn't push you!"

"Did I say you did?"

"You said I seduced you, and 'seduce' implies something sneaky, something underhanded."

"Darling, that is not what I meant at all."

CJ thought back to that October. During that month, a fair part of those Sunday afternoons were spent on Paul's living room couch engaged in what she guessed the experts would call "heavy petting", at least on his part. In all their passionate closeness, he never asked anything of her for himself other than kisses, never asked her to touch him the way he touched her. It was only right before they left the apartment to return her to the dorm, and only on the last two Sundays before she was ready to take the final steps, that he would crush her tight against him, to let her feel his hardness against her stomach. It wasn't until that first night, when she experienced pain the second time he tried to enter her, that she first caressed his genitalia, first delighted in the feel of granite firmness covered with warm silkiness.

But then again, looking back, CJ realized that although Paul had touched her intimately and had roused her, he had always left her hungry, always left her wanting. He had never taken her to orgasm until the Friday night they became intimate. He always had his mind on his ultimate end.

Of course, Paul had always been discreet in public. His goodnight kisses outside her dorm had been ardent but his hands remained in appropriate places. When they danced to slow tunes, he held her in both arms, but did not hold her close against his groin.

"I meant that you had a game plan. You **did**, Paul," she emphasized as he smiled and shook his head slightly from side to side, "and it worked. I'm glad it did." She smiled back and kissed him.

She got to her knees and backed off the bed, heading toward the bathroom.

"I'll be back in a minute. Lose the jeans."

Paul complied with her order and decided to take off his T-shirt for good measure. CJ left the bathroom but detoured into the alcove that served as her home office. He heard the sound of the pump and knew that she was emptying her breasts. The first time he had pressed on them and she had sprayed all over the two of them, he was embarrassed and concerned. CJ told him it was normal but Paul would prefer that her milk be saved for his daughter's use. If CJ could collect enough for two feedings a day - .

Issues. She mentioned that word again and Paul wondered briefly what those issues were. She told him that she had difficulty with her libido for a while after Paddy's birth, but he felt that there was something else involved. He couldn't imagine Danny being anything other than totally considerate of her at that time. However, it was obviously something that CJ felt she had to keep between her and Danny and Paul accepted that fact. If Danny did make a mistake, Paul hoped that he wouldn't make the same one.

"_You probably won't; just accept whatever she gives you, remember that she loves you, and remember that it can't always be big Fourth of July fireworks." _

She came back to the bed. When she had lain down after nursing Dansha, she had removed her jeans; when she pumped, she had removed her shirt and hadn't bothered replacing it.

She walked to the bed a little self-consciously, aware of the fact that her hip hugger, boy cut cotton panties were not the sexiest undergarment in the world and also aware of the fact that she was still about eleven pounds over her wedding day weight.

He smiled and stretched out his hand to her.

Thirty minutes later, she put a hand to his hips and tried to push him over to her. He resisted.

"Not yet, sweetheart. You aren't there yet," he murmured into her throat, continuing to dance his fingers in her folds.

"It's my libido, my love. Just let me take care of you."

It's not your libido, CJ, he thought to himself. You had no problem for the past five weeks, when we were limited to third base. You're just nervous, anxious.

"You're thinking too much, ladylove. Just relax, don't think about anything, let your mind just drift to **here**. No," he moved her hand from his arousal, "you just take for now." He shifted down on the bed.

So she lay there with closed eyes, letting her mind focus on what he was doing with his mouth and with his chin. She suppressed a giggle when she remembered his amusement when he told of how Derrick had reacted when Paul told him that using good skin care products to keep one's mustache and beard properly conditioned was not just a metrosexual affectation. A woman's skin was very sensitive down there and the line between stimulation and irritation was a thin one, Paul counseled his son.

Then he pushed her legs slightly further apart, slid his hands under her to slightly change the angle of her pelvis, and all rational thought disappeared as she began to quake against him.

He raised himself, slid up her body, and carefully, intently watching her face, came into her.

The sound CJ released was half-sigh, half-scream. It felt so good to be invaded again, to have his length, his thickness, his hardness inside her, to have him pressing against her in there. She knew she could never do without this feeling, and wondered how lesbians survived without it. Yes, being touched, mouthed, teased, and pressed on the various erogenous zones surrounding that cave was wonderful, but when those feelings were accompanied by being filled, by being touched everywhere, on the farthest reaches of one's skin - .

Paul was trying hard to hold back, to wait for her, but it had been six weeks. He reached between the two of them, and she began again to quake. A few seconds after she reached the first of her spasms, he let himself go. There was no more need to think or to wait, only to feel, to experience, to love.

After a few minutes, he began again to be aware. He felt her shoulders shake, felt the dampness on his chest, heard the gentle sniffles.

"Sweetheart? Did I hurt you?"

"No!" She reached up to kiss him, to reassure him. "It's relief, I guess. I wasn't sure I'd be able to - "

"Never doubt my powers." He smiled to let her know that he was being funny, but spoke firmly enough to let her know that he would never give up easily, at least not very often.

They engaged in post-coital gentleness, and drifted off to sleep.

Paul woke up about three seconds before the phone rang. He hurriedly answered before it could wake his sleeping wife.

Lee was calling to let Paul know that Dansha was awake and fussing a little. "I think she needs her mother; there's only about an ounce left in the bottle from three hours ago. I changed her and I tried rocking and singing, but it didn't help." He would be over in a few minutes.

Paul crept from the bed, looked around for his boxers. Not finding them, he decided he had best go commando in order to get to Lee and Dansha quickly. He reached for his jeans and had just finished with the buckle when he reached the kitchen door.

"Come to Papa, little one," he crooned as he took the baby in his left arm. He held her against his shoulder as their neighbor put the paraphernalia on the table.

"Hey, Lee, thanks, man."

The older (by about ten years) man smiled at Paul with understanding eyes.

"What are neighbors for? It's good to have a baby around." Right now, the demographics of the immediate neighborhood where such that after five year old Paddy, the next oldest child was eleven year old Brittany Roddick, whose parents (Joy and Adam) lived four houses down on the other side of Lee and Dottie. (Which was part of the reason CJ and Paul were keeping Caitlin in daycare twice a week even though both of them would be at home – the two year old needed some peer socialization.)

"And Paul, with your other kids away for this week, if you and CJ want some more time to yourself, or maybe go out for an early dinner, feel free to ask. Like I said, I remember what it was like and I'm always here." The two men exchanged glances of comprehension. "Dottie can't believe that I'm not yet going crazy in retirement, that I still enjoy working on the house and the garden after five months. She says that she wants to ease into it over the next three or four years, that she can't imagine not teaching." Dottie was chair of the Anthropology department at Berkeley and was well-known on campus as an excellent teacher.

Paul thanked Lee and said that he might very well want to take CJ to a nice little place on Monday or Tuesday; he would welcome the offer to baby-sit the newborn.

Dansha began to cry in earnest, something she rarely did.

"I'd best get her in to CJ. Thanks again."

When Paul walked into the bedroom, CJ was already sitting up in bed. Paul slipped the crying child into his wife's arms, and then joined her on the bed, his left arm surrounding both mother and child.

Twenty-five minutes later, CJ handed the full and now quiet baby to Paul, and said she was going to take a long soak in the tub.

"I wouldn't be averse to company, if you want to join me."

March 19, 2015

"Of course, we'd love to have you, Derrick, I just didn't expect you'd be able to come again so soon. After all, you were just here on Presidents' Day weekend for the baptism." CJ used one hand to rock Dansha in her cradle carrier on the kitchen table.

As her stepson replied, CJ thought again how much she loved her husband, thought again how wonderful he was. The Disciples of Christ did not believe in infant baptism, and the Catholic Church had softened its teaching (or was Rome merely accepting the fact that the "faithful" could accept more sophisticated theology, as Jed Bartlet opined) on what happened with unbaptized babies who died, but she was still concerned. So on St. Valentine's day, during Saturday evening Mass, Greg Watson baptized little Danielle Alicia; Hogan and Derrick were her godparents.

Of course, it was cause for some comment in both their parishes. Some people in her church were hopeful that Paul might convert; they talked about other Protestant ministers who had converted and were permitted to become priests even though they had wives and children. (Paul had long ago told her that for him, assuming the lack of celibacy could be finessed, the real sticking points would be papal infallibility and promising obedience to a bishop and his successors. Everything else – apostolic succession, the Real Presence, the special role of Mary in salvation, faith plus works – wouldn't be any problem.) Some people in his parish were concerned but others were more optimistic. No way would Paul Reeves give up preaching and ministering for the amount of time it would take to get permission from Rome and then go through seminary training again, they said, no matter how much he loved his Catholic wife.

"Well, I'd best be going," Derrick rang off. "Kiss the kids and give Dad a hug for me."

"Too-ra loo-ra loo-ra, too-ra loo-ra li."

CJ crooned to Dansha and smiled as she remembered Danny singing the old Irish lullaby to his daughter right after Caitlin was born. Danny had crammed a lifetime of love for everyone in his life in those few months after the doctors had discovered the killer that had been silently eating away at his circulatory system.

_Danny echoed her singing. He had taken Cosmas, Damian, and Danielle mountain climbing over by Orion and the three of them were exhausted, curled up around him on the cloud bed. Pistol was curled around Danny's head._

Dansha flexed her arms. She had begun to stay awake for twenty or thirty minutes after being fed; CJ felt that her newest child was beginning to absorb in the world around her and tried to provide visual, audible, and other sensory stimulation for the little one.

Alicia's sister had come out for a week earlier in the month (arriving right Paddy and Caitlin returned from Napa), but for the past two weeks, she and Paul had been on their own with the three children.

Knock on wood, things were settling into place. Dansha was now feeding every three and a half hours and CJ was able to pump enough for two full feedings. Sex was now something that happened about every other day, give or take, instead of every three or four days, but never more than once at a time (well, almost never, she smiled, and she wasn't counting the times they spent a little more time than necessary in the shower afterward). She and Paul were tired a lot. Their social life was next to nil. Aside from that Monday night when Paddy and Caitlin were with Gina and Randy, they hadn't been to a restaurant (MacDonald's and carryout from Outback, TGIFridays and similar places didn't count, she thought) since right after Christmas. Church was their only dress up occasion. And she wouldn't trade this time for anything other than perhaps to save her immortal soul or the lives of her husband and their children.

The oven timer dinged and she removed the cranberry-orange-nut muffins that would be breakfast for her and Paul when he returned from taking Paddy to kindergarten and Caitlin to daycare.

She had just dumped the muffins into a towel-lined bread basket when the kitchen door opened. CJ smiled at the sight of her husband, more handsome than ever (to her mind) in jeans that were just tight enough to hint at what he had to offer a woman (one woman, this woman, she rejoiced) and a crimson seven-button Henley that glided over his well-toned arms and upper body.

Paul grabbed two glasses and poured pink grapefruit juice for the two of them while CJ prepared two cups of hazelnut decaf (black for him, milk and no sugar for her).

As they ate, they talked about everything and nothing.

The senior pastor at his church had a chance to go to Aruba at the end of April and wondered if Paul would mind taking both services for those two Sundays.

With the election of Haffley, most of the Bartlet Bunch was no longer involved in intense government work. Ginger was planning to be in Cape May from Memorial Day through Labor Day. (Rick would be with her and the kids as much as possible.) They had extended an open invitation to the entire bunch to come for as long as, or as often as, they wanted to come. The main reunion would be around Independence Day weekend. Ginger told CJ "Bring Paul's kids, bring his first father-in-law, the more, the merrier. Rick told me that when he was little, sometimes, they would have close to 70 people here at once, doubling and tripling up, sleeping on porches, some of the older boys and college age guys in sleeping bags on the lawn. His grandfather loved it, lived for it."

Then CJ started griping about Haffley and his latest outrageous _faux pas_, serving spareribs to the Sultan of Dubai. Paul told her that there wasn't anything she could do about it, that she had enough to deal with between the three children "and a somewhat chauvinistic husband", and that she should, in Voltaire's words, "cultivate her own garden". He softened the lecture with a smile and a caress of her forearm.

CJ got up to refill their cups, and then turned to face Paul.

"Darling, Derrick called, said he would be coming in for a few days on Palm Sunday weekend. When I told him he was welcome anytime, but wondered why he had changed from the week after Easter, he said something about 'being here for Deborah', but when I asked about **that**, he changed the subject?"

"She called me just as I was pulling away from the daycare. She'll be here for the first half of her spring break. She's bringing someone with her."

CJ was fussing with the cups; she didn't see the change of expression of Paul's face and she really didn't hear the slight nervousness in his voice.

"Well, let's see, we can put Paddy in with Caitlin and let Deborah and her friend sleep in Paddy and Derrick's room. Derrick can have the living room. I think we should get some solid curtains for those French doors, something to coordinate with the drapes, so that the room could become a private guest room when necessary. It's a good thing we bought a premium mattress for the sleeper sofa in there. Maybe we can put a dresser in there also. I hope the girl won't mind all of Paddy's sports posters. Is she someone from Columbia, or someone from Miami?"

"Sweetheart, we don't have to go through any of that right now, although it **is** a good idea, since we don't have a guest room," Paul told her. Then his voice got real quiet. "Deborah said that he has a reservation at the Durant."

CJ turned around to look at Paul.

"He?"

"He."

"Oh."

She brought the coffee cups and set them on the table. Then she sat on Paul's lap, took his head between her hands, and looked into his eyes.

"And you're okay with this?"

"As okay as any father of a daughter can be." He smiled and laughed lightly. "I'm sure that there's a small part of me that wishes she could stay the nine year-old who thought I was the most wonderful man in the world, but if this is the right guy for her, then I'm glad."

"Well, Derrick is aware of the situation, obviously, and I guess that's natural, the two of them being twins and all. Did she get a chance to tell you anything about this guy?"

"His name is Tom and he's a med student, graduating from the College of Physicians and Surgeons at Columbia in May. His parents met in Alaska when his father was stationed with the army in Fairbanks. When his father's tour of duty was over, the family moved to New Jersey. The boy remained close with his mother's family and wants to practice in Alaska. Four days ago, on Match Day, he got a residency at Fairbanks Memorial.

"CJ, I knew that something was bothering her at Christmas and I got her to talk about it. At the time, she wasn't sure about anything, didn't know if she was ready, wasn't quite sure what she wanted, and she asked me not to say anything, didn't want you concerned, what with the uncertainty and with the baby almost due. You **do** understand?" his eyes were filled with concern, not wanting to hurt her.

"Of course." CJ bent to kiss him. When Paul had asked her to marry him, he made sure she understood that his vocation as a minister meant that he might have to keep secrets from her.

"Normally, I wouldn't keep anything about the children from you, and I would assume that you wouldn't keep things from me concerning them, but in this particular case - "

"I understand." She kissed him again, then sighed. "Alaska. I was just getting really used to having her, to thinking of her as a daughter, getting used to the idea of having adult children and liking it, and now she'll be gone."

"There's always email and phones."

"I wonder how long the trip is."

"About eight hours, switch in Seattle. Too bad Derrick isn't staying there after graduation."

"Paul!" CJ socked her husband in the arm. "I'm so glad he accepted a position with that firm in San Francisco! And Paddy is totally thrilled about it – except he doesn't understand why Derrick wants his own place in the city instead of staying here with us. Anyway, Alaska. You know, I never did get to see the Aurora Borealis. And I've never seen midnight sun. We'll have lots of reasons to go visit.

"And, he doesn't have to stay at the Durant. We could still put Paddy in with Caitlin, put this Tom and Derrick together, and have Deborah in the living room."

"Sweetheart, I think they also want the room at the Durant for privacy, for themselves."

The reality of what he was saying hit her.

"And you're fine with **that**?"

"She's twenty-six. It's not like I could ground her," he laughed.

_"Hey, man, it wouldn't hurt to try," Danny said. _

"They'll be discreet," Paul continued. "It won't be like some of those family cases I've had to mediate over the years."

The light snore interrupted them. Dansha had fallen asleep.

"Are you tired, sweetheart? Do you want to nap?"

"Maybe in twenty or thirty minutes," she smiled and stood up, reaching for his hand.

Paul smiled back. This would be a first. Yesterday afternoon, and now this morning - . He picked up the baby and followed his wife to the bedroom.

Afterward, as CJ drifted into sleep, she thought that Paul would always continue to amaze her. She could only imagine how Danny would have reacted when Caitlin told him that she had found "the guy", or when said guy came to Danny asking for his blessing. For some reason, she was pretty sure that Danny would have had a harder time with the idea than Paul was having.

"_I suppose she's right," Danny told Alicia. "I probably would have wanted to send Caitlin to convent school, then to Loyola Marymount, living at home. Knowing what I know about what's going to happen when she turns eighteen, I'm sure I would have gone postal; it wouldn't have been pretty. So, maybe it was for the best that I'm here, that They took me when They did. I'm sure that Paul will help CJ to handle the situation; I would have just made it worse."_

"_Don't say that! Don't imply that They willed you to die when you did! I've seen you with Danielle. You are a wonderful father, any girl would have been lucky to have had you as her daddy."_

"_But Danielle's a little girl, playing with dolls and tea parties, will stay that way forever."_

_Once again, Alicia didn't tell him that while Danielle would never advance beyond puberty, she was enamored of all the things a girl on that edge enjoyed; it was only because of Their goodness that Danny didn't see the daughter who lived less than a month in CJ's womb as the preteen who one day wore pigtails and mud on her face and then next day curls and lip gloss._

_Alicia smiled at Danny; Danny smiled back at her. They began to move in circles around each other. _

Of course, Deborah was in her mid-twenties, had just about finished graduate school. And, of course, there was a difference between engagement and wedding. As calm and accepting as Robin was of Brendan, he had misted up on Fiona's wedding day. She remembered how emotional Mitch got when he saw Hogan in her veil and gown; it took him about ten minutes to recover enough to walk down the aisle with his daughter. "It's so hard to let go," her brother said.

But then, CJ realized, you started to let go as soon as a child was born.

As happy as she had been when Dansha was born, she had felt a little wistful that the special relationship, just between herself and the baby inside her, would be ending, that she would have to share the child with its father, its siblings, and with others.

As grateful as CJ was that Dansha accepted bottles, that she could once (and now even twice, at times) a day have a longer break, a longer sleep, she again felt just a small twinge the first time Paul and then others were feeding her child, were doing something that had been unique to Dansha and herself.

That first time that Dansha spent five hours with Lee, she was a bit afraid to let go, only hiding it because her husband was so pleased to be resuming intimacy.

Paddy was picking out his own clothes in the morning. He wanted to be by himself in the bath tub; actually wanted showers more and more often. (She acquiesced, but still checked ears and neck afterward.)

The other day, Caitlin had grabbed a dinner knife and had tried to cut up her own chicken. She had failed miserably, of course, but soon -

Weaning; first steps; first words; toilet training; daycare, preschool, and kindergarten; crossing the street on his or her own. There would be many more occasions for letting go. But with God's grace, no matter how many times she and Paul would be letting go, they would never let go of each other until God called one or both of them.

Friday afternoon, March 27, 2015

"CJ, Daddy, this is Tom."

"Tom Jefferson," the handsome man with just a hint of Inuit features extended his hand to CJ and then to Paul. Then he lowered his arm to the boy whose head leveled out at his mother's waist. "Hi, I'm Tom. You must be Paddy."

Tom was maybe a half-inch shorter than CJ, with a medium build. CJ noted that when he talked with a person, he seemed to be mentally looking for certain things, mentally taking notes. Tom reminded her of Scott, reminded her of Abbey. A good doctor was always first and foremost a physician. She knew that Deborah's possible future husband, if that indeed was what this trip was all about, would be a good doctor, in fact already was one, since it was all over except for the hooding and the oath.

They talked about the flight (it was uneventful), the room at the Durant (Paul did some quick math and felt glad that the two of them had just gotten Tom checked in and then came on to the house, unless the man was very fast – and for his daughter's sake as well as his own peace of mind, Paul hoped he wasn't), about New Jersey (Tom nodded in recognition of Rick's name) and the difference between East and West coast beaches.

CJ went to feed Dansha and to nap for a bit. The lags in the conversation were just beginning to become bothersome when Derrick arrived and new excitement was added to the mix. Then it was time for supper.

They finished eating at 8:00.

"Paddy and I will clean up. Y'all go sit." Derrick flashed a smile at everyone. "Come on, buddy."

Fifteen minutes later, the dishwasher was humming and the two brothers joined the others in the family room. Paul poured a glass of Aisling's cordial for Derrick.

After a few minutes, CJ told Paddy to go get ready for bed; she would be in to read to him shortly.

"Mama, can't I stay up for just a little bit longer?"

"Paddy." As usual, Paul's voice was soft, but indicated that the subject was not open to discussion.

"I'll be joining you in just a few minutes, myself," Derrick quickly inserted himself into the situation. "It's been a long, tiring day for me. Maybe I can take over the reading for Mama?" Derrick looked at CJ.

Paddy jumped up. "'Kay."

(CJ started, as she always did when Paddy did or said something that reminded her of Danny. And it seemed to be happening more often as the boy grew.)

"G'night, Mama." Hug and kiss. "G'night, Papa." Ditto. "G'night, Deborah." One more time.

Then he extended his hand to Tom. "Good night, Tom. It was very nice to meet you."

Fifteen minutes later, Derrick made good on his promise to his younger brother.

"Okay, I've held off for five hours," CJ laughed, "so I don't feel too bad about asking. How much teasing do you get about being named Thomas Jefferson?"

"Oh, the requisite amount, I guess," the young man laughed easily in return. "The funny thing is, on my father's mother's side, I am descended from **that** Hemmings family."

It was 9:15 when, after hiding some yawns (and seeing Deborah do the same), Tom said he should head back to the hotel.

"Wait just a minute." CJ headed for the kitchen. Deborah decided to follow her.

Waiting for CJ and Deborah to return, Tom turned to Paul.

"Sir, maybe sometime tomorrow, if you have a few minutes, we could talk?"

Paul smiled at the young man. "I'm sure that can be arranged."

CJ and Deborah came in from the kitchen.

"I've packed up some fruit, some banana muffins, some juice, and some milk, in case you get hungry at 4:30 or 5:00 tomorrow morning. I know how hard it is the first morning after flying in from the East Coast" CJ handed the small cooler to Tom. "Of course, you can always call Deborah, see if she's awake, and you'd be welcome anytime. And, of course, I'm up every three hours or so, let's see, if Dansha's true to form, she'll wake me about 5:45."

"Thanks, ma'am, and thank you again for dinner." Tom shook hands with Paul and CJ. "I'll see you in the morning."

"I'll walk outside with you." Deborah headed toward the front door with Tom as CJ and Paul turned back toward the family room, intending to give Tom and Deborah some privacy.

A few minutes later, Deborah came back into the house.

"I'm tired myself; I'm going to turn in," Deborah kissed CJ. "Can I take a feeding tonight? Do you have a bottle?"

"I'll deal with that, honey." Paul hugged his oldest daughter. "You're beat."

As if on cue, they heard the sounds of Dansha stirring through the baby monitor and CJ headed for the bedroom wing with Deborah.

"I'll be there as soon as I lock up," Paul called after her.

When Paul came into the bedroom, CJ was just finishing a diaper change. As she came back into the bedroom with the baby, Paul sat in the big easy chair and motioned for her to join him.

He helped her remove her blouse and nursing bra and held her against him as she began to feed their daughter.

"So?" CJ looked at him as she adjusted Dansha's body against hers.

"So."

"Paul!"

"I like him. He's obviously in love with her, and she with him. It's funny the way they are being so casual, so cool about everything. Did she say anything to you when the two of you were in the kitchen, right before he left?"

"I just told her that he seemed like a great guy. Was there a lot of embarrassing silence while you were waiting for us?"

"Not really. He did ask if I might have some time to talk with him tomorrow."

"You're loving this part of it, aren't you?" CJ teased her husband.

"I don't know if 'loving it' is the right expression. I'm just very aware that once I was in his shoes, and now I'm in Joe's."

"Yeah."

The word was spoken so wistfully. It caught Paul by surprise.

"Sweetheart?"

"It's just that first my father couldn't have this moment. By the time Danny and I found each other, my father's mind was gone. And now, of course, Danny will never have it either. It makes me love Carol even more, that she asked Danny to give her away."

"Danny never got the opportunity to ask for your hand, did he? He never had to go through what I went through with Joe, what Tom is dealing with right now."

CJ switched breasts.

"Actually, he did talk with Mitch and Randy. Oh, right before we left office, everyone from the President down to Charlie put him through the 'are your intentions honorable?' routine."

"_Yeah, it was nerve-racking," Danny told Jem and Hugh as they played three on three basketball against Leo McGarry, Percy Fitzwallace, and Arnie Vinnick. "But she was worth it!"_

"_As was Brianna," Jem and Hugh spoke together, then laughed._

"_Nothin' but net!" Fitz high-fived Leo, then executed a chest bump with Arnie._

"Well, that's about it for now," CJ announced as Dansha fell away from the nipple. She handed the baby to Paul, who burped her and set her in the bassinet while CJ went to pump out the rest of her milk.

CJ went to use the bathroom and picked up one of the silk sleep shirts Paul had given her for their first Christmas together. Paul was already in bed when she returned.

As CJ climbed in beside him, Paul kissed her gently, silently asking how tired she was. When she responded warmly to his embrace, he put his thoughts into words.

"Just because our oldest daughter and her gentle knight are sleeping chastely tonight doesn't mean we have to, does it?"

She smiled and shook her head from side to side.

Saturday morning, March 28, 2015

Paul, Deborah, and Tom were sitting in the kitchen, with Dansha in her cradle carrier. CJ had fed the little girl and was now taking the walk she tried to work into her day about five times a week. She still had seven pounds to lose.

"Mama! Wet!" Caitlin's discomfort came over the baby monitor from her room. Caitlin was old enough to sense that she didn't like being encased in wetness, but not ready to realize that she could control the situation.

"I'll go take care of her, Daddy. You sit, finish your coffee." Deborah jumped up and walked toward the bedrooms.

Paul looked over at Tom, could see the nervousness that the young man was trying hide. It was time to put the guy out of his misery.

"Why don't we go to my study?"

Paul stood up and led his guest to the front of the house. As he stepped back and allowed Tom to enter the room first, offered Tom the choice of the loveseat or one of the wing chairs, and shut the door, Paul remembered his conversation with Joe, how the linebacker turned Princeton professor managed to put Paul at ease while still making sure that Paul knew that Joe was not lightly entrusting his daughter's happiness to the young soon to be ordained divinity student. Paul had a good model to follow in these next few minutes.

Tom stood by one of the wing chairs, waiting for the older man to seat himself. Politeness; point one to you, Tom, Paul thought.

Paul eased himself into the other wing chair, Last night, he thought he might sit behind the desk, be an imposing authority figure, but thought better of it this morning.

Paul smiled at Tom. "So how may I be of service to you?"

Tom's voice started out a bit shaky, but quickly grew firmer and more confident. The medical student told Paul that he was in love with Deborah, could not imagine living his life, could not imagine serving his fellow human beings, seeing to their health and well-being, without her by his side.

Paul's mind drifted back some thirty years to Joe's library, to the walls where Penn State football memorabilia and rare Spanish tomes from the seventeenth century nestled side by side.

"Alicia makes everything seem real, makes everything seem right," Paul told the Princeton professor. "What I feel for her helps me to understand what God feels for us. The love, the goodness, the passion and caring that I see in her helps me to understand what God wants of us. In my heart and in my mind, I know that God has sent her to me, to show me what I need to do for His people. I will treasure her, care for her, protect her, and cherish her. I will do whatever it takes to make her happy, to make her secure," Paul told the large giant of a man with deeply intelligent eyes.

"You know of my daughter's promise to my mother. She tells me you have respected that promise and I thank you for that, not because I would have asked the same thing of her, but because I know that had Alicia not kept that promise, she would have felt guilty, and my daughter's peace of mind is as important to me as her happiness. You would be the only man my daughter will ever know, in the biblical sense. You would be the man by which my daughter would judge all men. Do you think you can live up to that responsibility?"

Paul blushed as he replied to Alicia's father. "Perhaps in terms of sex, that may be true, assuming I don't die an early death. But with all due respect, sir, don't you think that, in every other sense, **you** are the man by which she would judge me, or anyone else?"

"_Por supuesto_. And I must tell you that I have some concerns about her youth. She is only twenty; I would have preferred that she had finished her work at Yale."

"I tried to find a slot in Connecticut and I will continue to look for one there. Should the opportunity arise, I would gladly take it, to bring her back to New Haven. In any event, I would encourage her to continue her studies wherever we are."

"And in the end," Joe sighed, "it is what she wants, you are who she wants. Even if I didn't like you, even if I didn't trust you, even if I didn't know that you are a fine young man, the important thing is that I am confident that you love her as much as she loves you."

Joe stood and extended his hand to Paul, then pulled him into an embrace. "Welcome to our family."

Paul stopped his remembering and returned to the present day at the critical time.

"So, Dr. Reeves, I humbly ask you for the hand of your wonderful daughter in marriage."

"Well, son, that hand is really Deborah's to give or withhold, and I'm sure you've discussed this with her."

"Yes, sir, but I've waited to ask you, to talk with you, before putting a ring on that hand. As I said, the medical field I've chosen is not the most remunerative. Even if we don't stay in Alaska, I would want to practice among those who need me and others like me the most – the poor, the working poor, the underinsured. I won't be able to give her a multi-million dollar house, or luxury cars. But I don't think she wants that. Whatever I will have will be hers and our children's. If she does want for anything, know that I will deny myself anything and everything in order to give it to her."

"I hope that the daughter I raised would want love, faithfulness, respect, and protection more than a mansion or a Mercedes. I don't know how much Deborah has told you of her mother and me. Alicia and I were married at the end of her sophomore year and she left Yale to be with me. So I really have no right to ask this, but I do know that it is important to her to finish her work at the School of Journalism, to get her Ph.D. She tells me that after this semester, she'll be all done but the dissertation. Promise me that you will encourage her, support her, in that effort."

"Of course. If it's important to her, it's important to me."

Tom took a deep breath. "Sir, she told me about the genetic issue, wanted to give me a chance to back out. I told her that we would face that situation if and when it arose. Should we be blessed with children, and should one or more of them be given this gene, we will explain that we wanted them in our lives so much that we were willing to take the chance.

"So, yea or nay?" Tom looked Paul straight in the eye.

Paul stood up, smiled, and extended his hand to Tom. "I think you had best ask my daughter. I'm sure she'll say 'yes', she has a good head on her shoulders, like her mother. Of course, if Alicia had been perfect, she would have married better."

The two men left the study and returned to the kitchen where Deborah was fussing with the dishes.

"CJ came back a few minutes ago; she's in with Caitlin and the baby. Oh!" Deborah dropped the cup she was washing. The nervousness that had disappeared from Tom's face was now evident on hers.

"Baby, why don't you leave those to me? Maybe the two of you can go for a ride or something?" Paul smiled at her.

Paul held onto Deborah a second of two longer than usual when she hugged him as she and Tom left the house.

As he was finishing the dishes, Derrick and Paddy wandered into the kitchen.

"Where's everybody?" Derrick asked as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

Paul opened the refrigerator to get Paddy some orange juice,

Your mother is sleeping, as are Caitlin and Dansha. Tom and Deborah have gone for a ride."

"Why didn't they wait for me?" Paddy asked. "I wanted to go for a ride!"

"I think they wanted to be alone for a while, Paddy. I think Tom had something he wanted to ask Deborah."

Paul looked at Derrick, who looked back at him. Both men were tremendously happy for their daughter and sister, but they knew that things would never be quite the same. Of course, things hadn't been the same since the day they found out that Alicia would be leaving them, and they were both happy with the addition of CJ, Paddy, Caitlin, and Dansha to their family circle. Tom would be joining them, but Deborah would also be joining Tom's family as well as forming one of her own.

"Tell you what, Paddy. Why don't we get dressed and I'll take us out for breakfast, seeing as Dad has just finished cleaning up. That way, we won't make another mess."

"Yay!! Can we go to I-HOP? I like I-HOP."

Derrick looked at his father.

"It's just down San Pablo, near the Bay Bridge. I'll google it for you while you guys get ready."

After the boys left, Paul returned to his study and took out a couple of old-fashioned photo albums. He and Alicia had taken many pictures of the children.

The picture of him holding the two newborns, each one not that much bigger than his hands.

Four month-old Deborah in a white pinafore, resting against his bare chest on a hot day in July.

The two year old twins sitting in Joe's mother's old galvanized wash tub, right before they finally convinced Joe's father to move into town.

"_Did a lot of washing in that tub," Esther Dawson told Caitlin Concannon and Kathleen Cregg. "Kids, clothes, dogs, even an old moonshine still."_

"_I have many memories of sore knuckles from rubbing clothes in a tub just like that one," Danny's mother agreed. "Other women complain about getting practical presents. The day that my Padraic bought me a washer was one of the best days of my life." Esther nodded in agreement._

_Kathleen was glad that the worst thing she had to deal with was a rundown laundromat full of sometimes non-functioning equipment right after she and Tal were married._

"_How about another margarita?" Kathleen held out the pitcher to the other women; both of them pushed their glasses toward her._

The mother-daughter breakfast at church.

Deborah in her Brownie uniform.

The first time his daughter wore pantyhose, to a piano recital.

Their middle-school graduation, with Deborah so happy that she got one more A than Derrick did.

Photos of the four of them in Alaska, desperately making memories that would have to last a lifetime.

High school graduation, which he almost missed because of trouble with on the second of three flights, on the leg from Tokyo to Dulles.

The commencement ceremony in Oxford, with her high honors tassels.

"You would have been so proud, and rightly so, Lissy. She's a tribute to you."

Suddenly, he felt very tired and went to the bedroom.

_Alicia turned some more pages in the album._

"_I love you, my little girl. I wish I could let you know how much I share in your joy. We've both been pretty lucky."_

"_All three of us have." Bernice sat down beside her daughter. Pointing to the picture from the mother-daughter breakfast, she said, "But why didn't you wear those matching dresses I sent the two of you, the ones with the matching hats and gloves? You both would have looked so nice!"_

CJ was asleep on the bed, lying on her side. Dansha was up by her shoulder in her left arm. Caitlin was curled into her stomach, her mother's right arm resting on her butt.

Paul would have preferred to slip into bed behind her, but she was almost to the edge, so he got in on the other side so that the two of them formed a ring around the two little girls.

Derrick and Paddy came back about 12:30. Paddy was disappointed that Deborah and Tom weren't back yet. Luckily for the little boy, the couple did come back to the house about 45 minutes later.

Deborah glowed; Tom's smile seemed to cover half his face.

When Paddy went to hug his big sister, he noticed something wrong and began to giggle.

"Deborah, you didn't do your buttons right! I had to know that in order to get into kindergarten."

Blushes momentarily replaced the glow and the smile.

Then Derrick's eyes went to Deborah's left hand, where a small emerald cut diamond flanked by baguettes rested in a platinum setting. Derrick hugged his sister, picking her off the floor and swirling her in a circle. Then he enveloped his future brother-in-law in a bear hug.

Then CJ was hugging and kissing Deborah and Tom, Paul was hugging his daughter and his future son-in-law; Paddy hugged Deborah and then asked why everyone was hugging everyone else.

Deborah explained the situation to Paddy, ending up with "So now, when Tom and I get married, you'll have another brother."

"Papa, unless I get bunk beds, there won't be enough room!"

When asked to explain, Paddy said, "When Tom is my brother and he sleeps with me and Derrick _("Derrick and me," Danny corrected his son with a slightly exasperated sigh)_ there won't be room for a third bed unless we get bunk beds. One of you can have the top bunk," the little boy told Derrick and Tom.

Amid the general laughter, CJ explained to Paddy that when Deborah and Tom were married, they would share a bedroom "like Mama and Papa".

Paul called Lee and Dottie to see if they would be willing to watch Paddy, Caitlin, and Dansha for a few hours that evening.

"I know it's late notice, but we have happy news to celebrate and Derrick will need to head back to school early Monday morning."

CJ explained to Paddy that they were going to a fancy restaurant and that Paddy wouldn't really enjoy himself. Derrick told Paddy that tomorrow after church, he would take everyone to brunch. Paddy could watch the chef make an omelet especially for him and could watch the man flip pancakes three feet in the air.

They left for dinner soon after returning from 4:30 Mass. Chez Panisse was booked, of course, but Paul was able to get a reservation at Spenger's.

When the five of them returned from dinner, Dottie met them in the foyer. Indicating that they should be quiet, she led them into the family room, where a dozing Lee held a sleeping Paddy.

"Caitlin went to sleep with no problem after about 20 minutes of reading."

CJ asked about Dansha.

"I've never seen a more biddable baby," Dottie answered. "It's hard to believe she's only 10 weeks! It's almost as if she's being considerate of everyone around her, not wanting to cause anyone discomfort. You'd think she'd already been to the finest finishing school, had already memorized Amy Vanderbilt."

"_Dansha may not consciously remember who she was, but it's obvious that she has Jackie's soul," Alicia told Brianna. "I loved the twins more than life itself, but there were times I just wanted to - "._

"_Sure, and don't most mothers feel that way, a time or three? 'Tis lucky CJ is wi' this one. Here, try this one, it's called Magnificent Mango."_

_The women were sitting in a gazebo on Venus, sampling martinis while Danny, Hugh, and Jem were over on Mars with some of the other men in heaven. A fit of "being a thirteen year old" having overtaken them, they were having an actual pissing contest._

"However, I think I'd better go check on her. It's been almost too long." CJ glanced down at the small milk stain that had seeped through the nursing bra and padding she was wearing. "Thank you, again." She kissed Dottie's cheek and headed off to her baby daughter.

Derrick lifted Paddy from Lee's lap, managing to keep from waking the little boy (but not the grown man). Lee and Dottie once again congratulated Deborah and Tom, told CJ and Paul to never hesitate to ask. "If it's not convenient, we'll tell you, I'm not shy," Lee said with a laugh as they left.

When Derrick returned from the room he shared with Paddy, the four adults (minus CJ) talked about future plans. Tom's commencement would be in mid-May. CJ and Paul probably would not be able to make the trip due to other commitments. However, the Reeves family was planning to travel to the East Coast for Ginger's reunion at Cape May and would plan some extra time in order to meet Tom's family (even though Tom would already be in Alaska). Derrick's law school graduation in Seattle wasn't until early June.

Deborah and Tom had told the family that they had decided on a holiday wedding, the Saturday after Christmas. By that time, Deborah hoped to have the first draft of her dissertation approved by her advisor. She wanted small, she wanted tasteful, and she wanted to be married in her father's church with her father officiating. Figuring out how Paul could do that as well as escorting her down the aisle was something they would work out later.

Then everyone started to swallow yawns and Tom said he had best return to his hotel. A silent conversation passed between him and his future father-in-law.

If you want to take her back with you, that's okay, but bring her back early tomorrow, before the children notice.

No, I have a lifetime with her, God willing; let her stay under her father's roof this trip. She told me about you and her mother. If you could wait for six months, I can wait for a few days, both here and with my folks back in Jersey. But thank you for letting us go this afternoon.

CJ was sleeping when Paul entered the bedroom. He crept in the batch to strip down to his boxers and carefully got into the bed.

However, she stirred against him and kissed him in a manner that let him know there was something else that needed to be done that night.

They made love gently; their climaxes were soft but satisfying, like riding the swell of the ocean between the big waves, and they settled into gentle slumber for the next two hours.

When Dansha woke again, Paul brought her to CJ in bed and held the two of them as mother nursed child. He could watch like this forever, he thought. Given Alicia's inability to nurse the twins, he never realized until now exactly how much it could mean to a man to see his wife with his child at her breast. Yes, it would be good to be back to sleeping through the night; it would be good to return to their previous sex life. But he would miss seeing his wife like this and he treasured these moments, just as he treasured his memories of her with distended belly of several months ago. In a few months, he would be giving Deborah's hand to Tom. God willing, he would still be here when Caitlin and Dansha found the men God intended for them.

"_I know how you feel. That first morning after Paddy was born, when I first saw her feeding him, I fell in love with her all over again."_

_Then Danny heard the slight sniff behind him. After listening to Alicia's regrets about not being able to feed her children, he decided to take her Swirling. However, she wanted to go watch lacrosse. Danny realized that even in heaven, even with an eternity before him, he would never completely understand women._

Sunday, after church and brunch, the family relaxed at home. It had been a busy Sunday morning and early afternoon. There was the Palm Sunday service with Paul preaching. There was brunch at the Marriott where Paddy almost knocked over the chocolate fountain. Then Paul just sat back and smiled at CJ as Derrick and Tom fought over the check. (Derrick won.)

Deborah offered to take care of Dansha's next feeding so CJ and Paul could "both get some rest". Paul smiled at his wife, then smiled at his daughter and told her that her reward would be great in heaven.

Three hours later, she was sitting in the kitchen, giving a bottle to the little girl, when Tom, who was watching a hockey match in the family room with Derrick and Paddy, came in to get snack refills for the guys. He came up behind her bent down and embraced her, kissing her neck.

"You look good like that. I can't wait for us to start."

"Me neither, but let mE get the dissertation and degree done first, okay?"

"With any luck, we'll be as happy as your parents, excuse me, your father and your stepmother,"

"No, it's fine. No one can ever take Mom's place in my life, but I really don't think of CJ as a step. I'm glad she's willing to help with the wedding. I just hope it's not too much for me to ask of her. She'll have the kids, plus she'll be back at work in the fall, although I'm sure that if she wanted to stay home, Daddy would move heaven and earth to make it work for them."

"I've got big shoes to fill, don't I?"

"Don't say that. I'm not running around with an Electra complex. My father is a wonderful man, but he's my father. I need a husband, I need a lover, and that's what you'll be, that's what you are.

"My father showed me, by his example, the type of man that I deserve to have in my life, and I found him in you. But I didn't go looking for someone to be my father.

"In one sense, I'll always be my father's daughter. But in another sense, I'm ready to let go; I'm ready to be your wife."


	12. Road Trips

**Road Trips **

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; all sorts of West Wing characters; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult -

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

My apologies to the good people of Moline, IL. I had to pick some place on I-80 with a Wal-Mart and you guys drew the short straw.

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

Late May, 2015; Kensington, CA

"Honey, I ran your ideas past Kenny, he's the chef at the Faculty Club. He likes the idea of the roasted red pepper soup and if you can get me a copy of your grandmother's recipe, he'll whip up a batch and figure out how to make it for 250 people. He suggested a different salad, romaine with avocado, poached asparagus, hearts of palm, and artichoke hearts. He said that with the soup and the tomatoes on the grilled veggie skewers, it would be too much red overall, you know how chefs are about presentation. He also suggested that in addition to the beef bourguignon, chicken piccata, and grilled tilapia, we offer the veggie skewers as a choice, in case there are any vegans in the group. He would put three skewers on the plate with the saffron rice instead of just one. The skewers would have cherry tomatoes, pearl onions, green pepper, and a quartered portabella mushroom. Margarita sorbet right after the meal. I told him that you and Tom had decided on the cointreau filling for the groom's cake but were vacillating between coconut and hazelnut for the main cake. Kenny said he could do half the layers in coconut and half in hazelnut."

CJ was multi-tasking, feeding Dansha and discussing wedding plans with Deborah. Luckily, her cell had a very good speaker phone.

"CJ, that would be wonderful! What about the wines?"

"He's going to talk with Randy and the two of them will pick the vintages, but there will probably be a dry sherry offered with the soup, a choice of white or red with the entrée, of course, and champagne with the sorbet, and with the cake."

"Derrick is still a little concerned about the finger stuff beforehand, or rather, the relative lack thereof."

"Honey, we're going to be feeding everyone a four-course meal. I really think that the cheese and fruit trays will be enough. Tell your brother that if he's that concerned about fainting from hunger, I'll make him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to put in his tux pocket to eat between the church and the club," CJ laughed (Deborah joined in.)

"Mama!"

The door from the garage to the kitchen opened and Caitlin came tearing into the room. She wrapped her arms around CJ's leg.

Paul came into the kitchen, dropping two bags on the counter. He reached down to kiss CJ lightly on the mouth before realizing that she was on the phone.

"Talk to your oldest daughter and take your youngest." CJ handed the baby to her husband, adjusted her clothing, and lifted Caitlin into her arms. "So, sweetie, tell me all about your morning. What did you do?"

"Eat cookie. Swing. Fing-paint." Caitlin held up her hands, which showed the faintest indication that the little girl's color of choice was purple.

Paul burped Dansha while talking with Deborah. Deborah told her father that she had pretty much finished her packing, deciding what she would be sending to Alaska (most of her winter clothes, her microwave, her television, some of her dishes, a few small things), what she needed with her until the wedding (her other clothes, her computer, her research books), what she would be storing (most of her other books), and what she would be selling, giving to charity, or putting out for the trash collectors and scavengers (her furniture, such as it was, just about everything else). She and Tom had rented a U-Haul; she was going to drive with him to Fairbanks, with a stop in Columbus to pick up her mother's china, sterling, and crystal (and one in Seattle for Derrick's graduation, of course). She would spend a couple of weeks in Alaska with her husband-to-be, so they could pick out an apartment together, then fly back to New York in time for the Reeves' trip back East.

"Are you sure you don't want me to fly into Oakland and help you guys on the drive to Jersey?" Deborah asked.

Paul reassured his daughter that Derrick would be able to give them all the help they needed; he told Deborah that she needed to be working on her dissertation presentation, so she could get it approved and begin the final writing by August.

"Well, after tomorrow, I'll be out of this place and with Granddad." Deborah would be staying with Joe in the Princeton area until September, when she would be moving to Kensington until the wedding.

CJ was making a snack for Caitlin and Paul was letting Caitlin talk with Deborah for a few seconds when the land line rang. CJ picked up that phone.

"Hello?"

"No, I haven't changed my mind. It's impossible."

"Fine, have the Assemblyman call me. I'll have Governor Seaborn call **you**!" CJ hung up the phone. "Bitch!"

"CJ!" Paul looked at his wife, then at Caitlin. The toddler was absorbing words like a sponge and the child had already embarrassed them at both churches.

"I'm sorry, but that Bowden woman has got to be the pushiest female in the universe. She won't take 'no' for an answer. This is the third time she's tried to get me to let her have the club's rooms earlier in the day. She swears they'll be out by 4:00, but there's no way the staff can turn around everything, let alone do two separate menus. She thought she could throw around Blake Williams' name. Unfortunately, I took the bait and replied with Sam's."

As soon as Deborah and Derrick mentioned that they wanted a Christmas wedding ("but on Sunday evening, not Saturday, so folks don't have to travel on Christmas"), CJ called the manager of the Berkeley Faculty Club at his home. The man obligingly checked his bookings from his home laptop and told her that the banquet rooms were indeed available. CJ gave the man their credit card number to reserve the facilities from noon December 27 through noon December 28 and said she would be there the next day to sign the contract. Two weeks later, Mrs. Bowden started calling, wanting to use the rooms earlier in the day on Sunday for her daughter's wedding.

"Just stand your ground, sweetheart. Don't sink to her level." Paul kissed CJ then put Dansha back in her cradle carrier. "Oh, I forgot, while you were dropping off Caitlin this morning, Weezie called."

"Stop that, Paul! If I end up calling her that to her face, I will be so mortified!"

When CJ asked Tom about being teased for being named Thomas Jefferson, the young man asked them to imagine how much grief his parents took for being named George and Louise. Paul completely lost it. He laughed so hard, he teared up, saying that at least they didn't name their son Lionel. Tom joined in, mentioning his sister Tracy was glad she hadn't been named Florence.

When talking with Paul the next morning, Tom told Paul that he had already spoken with his parents of his intentions. Indeed, his father had gone with Tom to the jewelers to help him with the ring. That afternoon, when Tom called home to let them know everything had gone well, the four parents conversed politely and since then, CJ had spoken with Tom's mother several times, suggesting that the Jeffersons use the banquet facilities at the Durant for the rehearsal dinner. (CJ had also arranged for a block of rooms at a healthy discount for out of town guests). For some reason, Paul seemed to take delight in teasing his wife by using the nickname for Isabel Sanford's character when referring to Deborah's future mother-in-law.

Early June, 2015: Seattle, WA

"Well, I guess we had best get going so the rest of you can get on your way."

Deborah started her kisses and hugs for the family members gathered outside the house her twin would be vacating today.

"Granddad, Aunt Gwen, Uncle Ned, have a safe flight back to Columbus."

Her mother's sister gave her a big hug. "You be careful, honey. And remember, when you are looking for a place, the washer and dryer, or at least the hookups, in the apartment are non-negotiable. You can live without a dishwasher or a disposal if you have to."

"I'll see you in a couple of weeks, honey." Joe kissed his granddaughter. "I'm glad you'll be staying with me until September."

"You have David's direct number in case there are any issues at the borders, or flying back?" CJ had pulled strings and made sure that Deborah's and Tom's passports and other paperwork were flagged as being "special".

"We're fine," Deborah kissed her stepmother. "Thank you again for everything. I'll see you in a month or so."

Deborah hugged Derrick, Paddy, and Caitlin, kissed Dansha while Tom hugged CJ and Deborah's aunt, and shook hands with her uncle and her grandfather.

Finally, it was Paul's turn. He grabbed Deborah into a big bear hug. Then Paul put one hand on Tom's shoulder, sending the unspoken message to take good care of his daughter.

"Call us every night until you get to your grandparents' place. Or if anything happens. Remember all the stuff in the Al-Can handbook; keep the gas tank at least half-full. Don't wander off the main road."

"_They should have shipped everything up there; they don't have that much. Then they could have flown. It's not just me; Alicia, Bernice, and Esther are concerned. You should have insisted on it," Danny told Paul._

"Damn it, I tried!"

"Daddy? Did you say something?"

"Oh, don't mind me, baby."

It was one thing to talk with CJ about the times that he thought he heard Danny or Alicia talking to him, and to find out that she experienced the same thing at times. However, he was not about to share that secret with anyone else, except maybe Danny's younger niece.

"But I still think that Derrick and I should follow you up to the border, make sure you get across okay."

"Sir, I've done all the research, and your wife's friends have assured us that everything is in order. We appreciate the concern and we will keep in touch.

"Darling, let's go."

And with that, Tom and Deborah got into Tom's 4Runner (a graduation present from his parents) and headed toward Canada and their Alaskan adventure.

Paul's phone rang.

"Okay, I'll pass it on. You and Eve have a safe flight, Alex. And thanks again for coming."

Paul told his sister-in-law, his brother-in-law, and his father-in-law that his brother called to let them know that there was a lot of backup at the security gates at Sea-Tac. Alex and Eve were in line for almost an hour.

"Well, then, we'd best get started." Ned started the second round of farewells, and then he, Gwen, and Joe took off for the airport.

"Hey, Derrick, I forgot I had these."

One of Derrick's housemates came running out with three CDs.

"Now, see, I was going to rag you about them when I came back in September for the wedding; say something about a federal judge's clerk stealing from his roommates."

Derrick was going to miss Gary, Carl, and Zach. The three of them were staying in Seattle.

"We should get started ourselves," Paul told his son.

"Okay. Are you sure you don't want me to drive us out of the city?" Derrick's car had seen him through four years at Oberlin and three in Seattle. When Joe and Paul told Derrick that they would be giving him a new car for his law school graduation, he decided to donate it to Volunteers of America and to wait until he got to San Francisco to replace it.

"No, I'm fine. I'm in touch enough with my feminine side to look at a map and CJ is a very good navigator," Paul laughed.

Derrick and Paddy climbed into the rear seat of the minivan and Derrick made sure that his little brother was safely fastened into his safety seat while CJ did the same for Caitlin and Dansha in the middle seat. Paul did one more check of the hitch holding the trailer with all of Derrick's belongings and the family took off for Interstate 5 South and their northern California getaway in Albion.

When they first made the plans, Derrick suggested that they make the twelve hour drive in one long day. He was used to it, Derrick told his father, and with the two of them doing the driving, it wouldn't be a hardship.

Paul told Derrick that with the children, especially Dansha, they really needed to break the trip into two days. Also, driving the coast road at night while towing a trailer was not the easiest thing in the world. Paul had made reservations at the Holiday Inn Express in Roseburg, about half-way between Eugene and Medford.

When they got to the hotel, Paddy was really excited. Instead of sleeping in the same hotel room with Mama and Papa and his sisters, he and Derrick would be in a room by themselves, with their own television. At first, Paddy was upset because he overheard Derrick asking Papa if Caitlin could stay in the room with him and Derrick, but Papa just laughed and said something about Caitlin being a sound sleeper.

There was time to go swimming before dinner, so Derrick and Paddy put on their suits. Paddy got to swipe the room key to let them into the pool and hot tub area.

Everyone was tired and, having feasted for the past three days, they decided to eat at the Denny's just down the street.

Everyone was looking forward to a quiet and restful week in the woods of northern coastal California, so they went to bed early, and managed to get on the road by 8:00 AM, headed toward Albion as if it were Mecca.

_June 30, 2015; Millvale, NJ _

"Come in! Come in!"

Well, CJ thought to herself, this George and Louise Jefferson could not be mistaken for their namesakes on the old television series. Tom's father was about three inches taller than she was, with the build of an NFL quarterback. Tom's mother was short and thin; with her native Alaskan features, she reminded CJ of the woman from the Stockbridge-Muncie tribe that third Thanksgiving in the White House, Maggie something.

Deborah took over, introducing Paul, CJ, Joe, Derrick, Paddy, Caitlin, and Dansha to Tom's parents, his sister Tracy, Tracy's husband Kim, and their little girl Tessa, who was Paddy's age. Tracy and Kim lived in Atlanta and had come up for the holiday.

"So, all eight of you drove across country? How long did it take you? And you didn't kill each other?" Kim laughed easily. Everyone had settled down on the backyard deck with beverages. (Tessa was showing the goldfish pond to Paddy and Caitlin.)

Paul explained that only six of them – he, CJ, Derrick, and the children drove across country; they took six days, with stops in Salt Lake, Cheyenne, Lincoln, Moline, and Cleveland, arriving in New Jersey yesterday. Except for the first day, when they left home at 4:00 AM, they only spent about eight hours on the road. With the children, it worked out better that way. Deborah had flown from Fairbanks to Newark about a week ago and was staying with Joe near the Princeton campus while she finished the initial work on her dissertation.

With that explanation, the conversation turned to Deborah and Tom. Deborah told them that Tom had leased a two bedroom townhouse apartment. It was closer to the university than to the hospital, but it had new carpet, the washer-dryer combination that Aunt Gwen said was most important, and two allocated parking spaces with engine heater blocks. For a reasonable fee, they could use the university sports complex, with its heated indoor pool, running track, and weight room. Tom's grandparents asked around and found them a used couch, two wing chairs, and a small dinette set. They bought a new mattress set that came with a free bed frame. They also got some self-assembly furniture at the local Home Depot.

"So, we're one step above the box spring on the floor, board and brick bookcase set," Deborah laughed.

CJ was busy with Dansha, but Paul caught the look that passed between George and his son-in-law.

"Tracy, Deborah, why don't you go pick up the barbeque while I show Derrick what Pop's done with the back yard?" Kim ushered the young adults out of the room.

"George and I are planning to give the kids a bedroom suite," Louise told CJ and Paul. "Do you have any idea what style Deborah might like?"

"Actually, I had been thinking the same thing," Paul confessed.

"Let us do it. It will be easier on me than on you, trust me. Buying them a bed to share, I mean.I still have a hard time thinking of Tracy as a sexually active woman, in spite of my granddaughter," George laughed.

Paul laughed along with him; then he and CJ said they would buy living room furniture for the couple.

Louise suggested that "if anyone asked", they should arrange to have the gifts sent to the kids in Fairbanks. She knew that Macy's, Nordstrom, Penny's, Sears, and Target would ship to Alaska. Paul reminded them, with just a little catch in his voice, that Deborah already had Alicia's and his china, sterling, and crystal. CJ and Louise decided that they would talk with Deborah about setting up a registry at several of the stores.

Dansha began to fuss and CJ asked Louise for a room where she could nurse the child, so the two of them went to one of the bedrooms.

"As I said earlier, Paul, I know what it's like to have a daughter marry. It's natural to be concerned; she'll always be your little girl. Believe me, my son will cherish Deborah. She'll be in good hands."

Paul told George that he had every confidence in that fact and let him know how impressed he was by Tom's respectful confidence and honesty when he asked for Paul's consent to the marriage.

"You have every right to be proud of your son."

"And you of your daughter. Deborah is a wonderful young woman."

"So much of that is due to her mother and her aunt."

"Perhaps. But I've seen her face when she talks of you. You have been a vital influence in her life."

Kim, Derrick, Tessa, Paddy, and Caitlin came in from the back yard. Caitlin crawled up beside Paul, curled up against his side, and promptly fell asleep.

George looked at Paul's hand absent-mindedly playing with the red curls spilling over his upper leg and smiled.

"So, how does it feel to be starting over again with a new set of kids? I know several men doing it, but they're either dealing with grandchildren, or great-grandchildren even, or with new wives that are the same age as their older children and are a bit touchy about the subject. I guess they think I think they're crazy."

"Well, I'm sure some folks have said that about me. But CJ and her husband started found each other late, started their family late. When Danny found out he was dying and he asked me to do this, there was no question in my mind about the children. Of course, Dansha was a total surprise, but a totally awesome one.

"But -- great-grandchildren? These men are your age?"

"Well, you figure a couple, lets say age 25 in 1975, had a daughter, she got pregnant at 16, then her daughter got pregnant at the same age, you're a great-grandparent at 60. Babies having babies," George shook his head.

"What about babies? Deborah has to finish her dissertation and Tom needs to get at least his internship and a year of residency under his belt." Tracy came into the room, followed by Deborah. The smells of barbecued ribs and smoky baked beans wafted from the packages the two women were carrying.

"When did we ever push?" George laughed.

"Yes, when?"

Louise and CJ entered. Louise took one look at sleeping Caitlin, carefully lifted her from the couch, and told Tracy to put the child in the same room as the baby. Then she went into the kitchen and turned on the burner under a large covered pot, telling her husband to go to the garden, pick some eighteen ears of corn, and shuck it.

_July 1, 2015, Cape May, NJ; about 1:15 AM_

CJ lay within the crook of her husband's arm, her eyes closed. She listened to the beat of his heart as it gradually slowed from the excitement of their climax a few minutes ago and played with the narrow triangle of tightly matted curls on Paul's chest.

Their roles were reversed. Usually it was he who gentled her after lovemaking, stroking her hair, trailing his fingers down her spine, making little circles on her butt, and whispering his love against the side of her face in a voice hoarse with emotion.

But this evening, when he turned to her in bed and said "CJ, sweetheart, I need - ", she looked into his eyes and knew that the rest of the unspoken need was "primal, intense sex".

And so it happened. Now, CJ needed to find out why.

Instinctively, she knew that she had to ease into the subject, so she chose to talk about other things first.

"That was sweet of Derrick and Deborah to volunteer to take over the kids' room duties." She remembered the look of pride on Paul's face from earlier in the evening.

When the Reeves contingent had arrived in Cape May just before sunset, Ginger, Rick, and Rick's mother met them at the steps of the front porch of the main house. Ginger cooed over Dansha, saying "And you, little girl, are keeping your parents out of the chaperone pool."

Seeing the puzzled looks from Paul, Joe, and the twins, Rick explained that because so many people were coming for the long weekend, they needed to use almost all the second and third floor bedrooms for adults. Ginger planned to put the babies in one large bedroom on the second floor with the _au pairs_ (unless the parents preferred to have their infant with them). The toddlers through preteens would be split up on either side of the huge playroom on the third floor. The teenaged girls would all be in another large bedroom on air mattresses. They had rented a pavilion tent ("It's out back") for the teen-aged boys. All the couples except those with nursing infants, the expecting Zieglers, and the former First Couple had to take their chances to see who would have to sleep with the kids and keep the peace.

Brad, who was Cal and Graciella's son and a senior-to-be at Rutgers, would make sure that the boys in the tent didn't get into any shenanigans ("When we first told the guys, Sev started to plan a panty raid," Rich laughed.)

"Why don't you let Deborah and I do it?" Derrick immediately volunteered as his sister nodded her assent.

"Are you sure you don't mind? It would be the best solution, but I hesitated to ask, since you all are new to the group. So far, no one has drawn the short stick, as it were, so I'm sure that the Lymans, the Palmers, and the Faisons will thank you when they arrive tomorrow," Ginger said. "Charlie and Zoey were going to take on the duty tonight, until everyone else arrives tomorrow."

A lot of the gang had taken Ginger at her word about spending as much time in Cape May as they wanted. Nancy, Jesse, Bonnie, Jean-Luc and their daughters had been there for a week and would be staying until the 11th. Ed, Larry, and their families came in a few hours before the Reeves, but they were staying until the end of July. Toby, Andy, and the twins were there for the entire summer.

"Don't forget Charlie's sister Deanna and her Anthony," Rick reminded his wife.

"How many people are you hosting, Mrs. Vinick?" Joe was talking with Rick's mother.

"I'm not sure. Ginger?"

"Well, let's see," Ginger started counting on her fingers. "The President and Mrs. Bartlet. Liz. Ellie and Vic. Charlie and Zoey. Deanna and Anthony. The five of you. Sam and Morgan. Bonnie and Jean-Luc. Nancy and Jesse. The Hoynes', the Palmers, the Lymans. Sam and Morgan. Toby and Andy. Annabeth. Debbie. Nancy McNally and her guy (The former Secretary of State had surprised everyone when it was announced that she was seeing her widowed counterpart from the preceding Canadian government. The betting line on the street had always been that Nancy's preferences went in a different direction. It just goes to show, you never know, CJ thought. She never got that vibe from Nancy, which is why she had tried to foment something between Paul and her five years ago.) Kate and Will. Rina. Cathy. Ed and Larry and their wives (CJ wondered if Ginger ever thought about putting the four of them together and suppressed a giggle.) With the three of us, that's forty-five adults, not counting the Secret Service, Sam's security force, the au pairs, the lifeguards, Graciella, Cal, and Brad. And close to three dozen kids."

"Do you have your own zip code?" Paul joked.

"Just about," Mrs. Vinick laughed. "My father-in-law would have loved it."

"Anyone in the boys' rooms with the twin beds?" CJ asked. Looking at Paul's raised brows, she mouthed that she would explain later.

"We decided to put the two unmarried couples, the honorable Dr. McNally and her guy, Will and Kate, in them," Rick answered. "With Mom willing to give up her room to the Bartlets, we have just enough double beds for the married folk. The lifeguards are all guys this year; they're in the guest house. The singles are all on the third floor, except for you, Dr. Dawson. However, you are in one of the rooms next to the nursery. I hope the infants won't be too noisy."

"Call me Joe, and that's no problem. And thank you again for including me in your house party. I feel as if I'm living 'The Great Gatsby'. This is a beautiful place. For so many people, when they think ' New Jersey', they think of Hackensack or Newark. We aren't called 'The Garden State' for nothing."

"We're more than glad to have you with us. And will be a lot more laid back, a lot less fancy, than anything Fitzgerald wrote about.

"But come inside; let's get you introduced to everyone who's here."

CJ stopped her recollecting as the sound of young male laughter from the lawn came through the open window. Then she heard a slight sigh coming from her husband.

"Darling, was it Deborah talking about Alicia's things? The china and stuff?" CJ remembered sensing that Paul was not himself when Deborah was telling Louise and Tracy that she didn't need a lot of the "fancy stuff", just some fill in pieces of her mother's china (Lenox Rutledge), sterling (Reed and Barton's Woodwind), and crystal (Waterford's Lismore).

"It did bring back memories. Picking out those pieces was one of the first things Alicia and I did as a couple. I remember Bernice being so surprised that I would want to have any input on that stuff. Apparently, she was of the school that a 'young lady' usually had all that stuff picked out by the time she graduated from high school and had been disappointed that Alicia hadn't been interested when she was sixteen.

"But we did use it, two times a week at first, then maybe two times a month as the kids came along. I can remember, those early years, eating Skid Row Stroganoff and drinking cheap Gallo Chianti on a table that looked as if it belonged in the Ritz."

"Paul, are you sure you don't want to rethink about your being okay with her wearing Alicia's dress and veil?" When they were in Seattle, Deborah gave them the big box that had been stored, along with everything else, in Columbus with Gwen and Ned.

"I see Alicia, and now I see you, in every bride that comes walking down the aisle toward her intended and me. I'll be fine."

(CJ decided that just in case, when Hank came up to fit the gown to Deborah in September, she would ask him to check around with his _prêt à porter_ connections for something nice that could be obtained at the last minute.)

Paul Reeves was no idiot; he knew what CJ was trying to do.

"Sweetheart, when Zoey mentioned the incident she and Charlie had on the Merritt Parkway, it reminded me of Moline. Delayed reaction, I guess."

Moline.

They needed a few things and had stopped at the Wal-Mart because it was a familiar quantity in an unfamiliar town. To make the shopping trip more efficient, they had split up, with Paul and Derrick taking Dansha for the baby and toddler supplies and CJ, Paddy, and Caitlin doing the grocery shopping.

CJ was in the produce section when another shopper recognized her from the White House days and was telling CJ how much she had admired her, had held up CJ as a role model to her own daughters, both as a career woman and as a working wife and mother.

CJ was just about to explain about Danny's death and her remarriage when the woman interrupted her.

"Honey, turn around and grab your purse (it was in the baby seat in the shopping cart with Caitlin). There's two of **them** with a little half-breed not four feet behind you."

Before CJ could react, Paddy saw the others and ran up to them. "Papa! We got a cantaloupe. They call them muskmelons here!"

If the chill in CJ's voice wasn't absolute zero, it was damned close to it. "I've remarried." She reached for Dansha. "Come to Mama, angel. Did you find everything? Let's get checked out. I'd like to reach Cleveland in time to swim before dinner."

Neither Paul nor Derrick gave any indication that they had heard the woman's comments, her assumption that the two of them should automatically be distrusted. Apparently, at least Paul had.

They had accepted the fact that their blended family would cause some reaction from strangers, both black and white. For the most part, it was just a millisecond of "oh!" as realization dawned, with no indication of any prejudice. This incident was only the second one she had witnessed. (Fortunately, if that was the word to use, the other one occurred without the children present, and Paddy was unaware of the tension today. She could just hear him now. "Mama! That lady is being a poopy-head, isn't she?")

But it gave her pause. Paul and Derrick were dressed as nicely as, if not nicer than, any other male in the Wal-Mart, in clean khakis, solid colored tee shirts, and sandals; they were more well-groomed than many of the others. With their advanced degrees, they could very well be the most highly educated men in the store.

She knew the people of western Illinois, had campaigned here twice. They were hardworking, caring, good people. And now all of that was tainted in her mind by one nasty little bigot.

After Derrick had returned to Seattle that first Thanksgiving after their marriage, CJ haltingly asked Paul about his experiences over the years.

Paul told her that he had known his share of distrust, of disdain, but didn't want to dwell on it. He had learned how to try to avoid potential trouble. For example, did she realize that they only stayed in major chains, only ate in national franchises when they were on the road outside of their immediate environs? Such places were more likely to have given their personnel diversity training, more likely to be sensitive to bad publicity. When he and she ran into each other in Dulles six years ago, it was no accident that he was wearing his clerical collar; it provided a sense of acceptance that many African-American men weren't given. He always carried copies of the documents she had signed giving him joint custody of Paddy and Caitlin. In fact, they should have something drawn up for Derrick and Deborah "just in case".

But, for the most part, he acted as if he was entitled to the same respect as any other human being, and most of the time, he was given it.

"It's going to happen, sweetheart. We'll deal with it when it does. But, really, there are so many more good people in the world than bad."

Remembering that, CJ gathered her husband in her arms, kissed him, and slowly seduced him into a more tender expression of their love.

Four hours later, CJ woke about two minutes before Jennifer, one of the three _au pairs_ Ginger had hired for the summer, softly knocked on the door. Although CJ only had one bottle, Paul convinced her (and, really, she didn't need that much convincing) to have Dansha stay in the nursery with the babies born to Ginger, Ellie, Carol, Zoey, and Bonnie 18 months ago.

Paul slept through the knock, so CJ slipped on a robe and followed the young woman to the nursery. The night was warm, so she took Dansha onto the balcony outside the room. It was facing north, but she could hear the ocean lapping at the shore in the distance.

After Dansha had finished and she had pumped out the rest, CJ checked on the other babies.

Sam and Morgan's new son, Donald Leo, was in with his parents. He was still nursing every three hours and while Morgan has able to keep up with his needs, she didn't have any left to pump and reserve for bottle feedings.

CJ brushed the hair of the son to whom Rick and Ginger had given Danny's name. "You were named for a beautiful soul, little one. I hope you grow up to be just as wonderful as he was."

"_I'm sure he will," Brianna told Caitlin Concannon as the two of them put a friendly side bet on the outcome of the rugby match between Scotland and Ireland._

Marilyn Abigail Young snored softly in the next crib. If you didn't know Charlie, you would think that the child's mother had cultivated a pale golden tan for the girl. CJ remembered Ainsley telling her that she and Charlie were "blood kin from back before the war". Apparently, those genes, long dormant, had come to the forefront in the namesake of Charlie's and Zoey's mothers.

Erica Marie, Bonnie and Jean-Luc's younger daughter, fussed a little, as if she were having a bad dream. "That's okay, I've got her," CJ whispered to Jennifer, who rose from her bed at the sound.

Sean Daniel Palmer, another Concannon namesake, slept the sleep of the innocent. CJ was so happy for her former assistant; Carol adored both her children.

She laughed at the sight of Collette Suzanne. Vic had given his daughter a stuffed toy in the shape of an amoeba.

With one more kiss for her daughter, CJ stole out of the room and back to her own. As she slipped into bed, Paul gathered her in his arms, kissed the top of her head, and went back to sleep. Sighing in contentment, CJ followed suit.

_Later that morning_

"Where's Derrick? I want him to go swimming with me."

Paddy came up to CJ and Paul, who were playing bridge with Nancy McNally and the former Canadian Foreign Minister.

"Derrick's studying with Uncle Sam and Uncle Josh," CJ told her son. With Derrick and Josh planning to sit for the bar exams in California and New Jersey, respectively,at the end of the month, Sam was helping the two men with review sessions each morning.

"But I wanted to go swimming in the ocean!" Paddy pouted. As in previous years, Mrs. Vinick insisted that small children be accompanied by an adult when at the beach, even with two lifeguards.

"Paddy, you know Derrick has to pass this test if he wants to be a lawyer," Paul told the child. "I'll take you down when we finish this rubber."

"I can take him down and watch him, Paul." Jesse Muñoz stood up from the lounge he was occupying. " Nancy is totally immersed in her romance novel, hopefully learning something that will be of benefit to me later," the dentist laughed.

Paul put both hands on Paddy's shoulders. "Do you promise to listen to Mr. Jesse and to the lifeguards, or to any of the grownups, for that matter?"

"Yes, Papa. Please?"

"Okay, go along. Thanks, Jesse."

CJ smiled at her husband and looked around the pool area.

Joe was talking with President Bartlet, Jean-Luc, and John Hoynes about teaching foreign language literature in America. From time to time, they slipped into French (of which Joe had a rudimentary knowledge) or Spanish (which the President, Jean-Luc, and Hoynes could manage.)

Bonnie and Carol were overseeing the toddlers at the kiddie pool and Caitlin was having a marvelous time with Giselle, Matty, Gemma, and Clarissa.

Debbie, Rina, and Donna came out of the house with Noah, the triplets, Celia, and Larry's five year-old daughter Hannah in tow. Rina told her son that she was going down to the beach; did he want to come? (He decided to stay in the pool with the older pre-teens; they were playing Marco Polo. She told him to listen to the other adults.)

Zoey, Deanna, and Margaret were discussing wedding and honeymoon stories with Deborah. Deborah explained that as an intern, Tom was getting very little time off; barely enough to fly down for the wedding. They were delaying the honeymoon until June, when they would be able to take two weeks.

Charlie, Ed, Larry, and Vic were engaged in a friendly game of horseshoes.

"Mrs. Reeves?"

CJ looked up; it was Tanya, another of the _au pairs_ taking care of the babies.

"It's been four hours since you fed Dansha. She's still sleeping. Do you want me to wake her or let her sleep?"

"If she hasn't awakened when we finish this rubber, we'll wake her."

That evening

"Who needs another beer?"

The Honorable Samuel Norman Seaborn, governor of California, was acting as waiter; he set down the tray holding 8 glasses, put first one leg and then another over the picnic bench, and sat down. He reached into the pile of steamed crabs that had been dumped in the center of the table and grabbed the nutcracker from in front of CJ.

"Hey, I was just about to use that!"

"Okay, I'll start on the body first, although changing my routine could mean the end of the free world as we know it," Sam replied as he used a knife to split his crab.

"According to my wife, the end of the free world as we know it came on January 20th of this year at approximately 12:20 pm eastern standard time," Paul sat down on the other side of CJ and grabbed one of the beers.

"Is Paddy happy with the pizza?"

When Ginger told everyone that tonight's supper would be steamed blue crab, she also told them that there would be pizza for the kids "of all ages" who found the shellfish too spicy, or just too much trouble to eat.

Paddy didn't want any part of the pizza. He was a teensy bit tired of sharing Derrick with the other kids and wanted to be with his brother. Last night, when the grownups made the little kids go to bed, Derrick told them lots of ghost stories and paid a lot of attention to Hoop, who was really a baby and cried for his mommy. Then, this afternoon, when the big girls got all giggly and silly, Derrick took each of them for a surf ride on the rafts, making Paddy take turns with them for a whole half-hour. He wanted to sit next to Derrick at supper.

"Besides, Mama, I love crab legs!"

CJ tried to explain to him that Maryland crab was not like the Dungeness crab they ate at home, and it certainly was not like the Alaskan king crab they sometimes ordered in restaurants. But Paddy wasn't buying any of it, so they let him sit with the grownups.

However, when Paddy saw the whole crabs with their little legs, maybe four inches long at the most and a quarter inch wide, when he saw the grownups used their teeth to force out the miniscule amount of meat inside those legs, and when he saw how the adults would tear the shell off the crab's body, scrap out the icky red and green stuff, and then tear open the body to get at the succulent meat inside, he decided that maybe pizza wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Paul had taken the little boy around to the pool area where the pies were being consumed, made sure that Andy, who in spite of being from Maryland (Maryland!), found that crab didn't agree with her pregnant body and Ed, who said he just didn't like the taste, knew that they had another charge, and responded to Caitlin's command of "Papa! Kiss!" before returning to the primal feast.

"Ooh! Soft shells!" Joe exclaimed as Graciella came out with a platter of the fried delicacy.

When the plate was passed around, CJ didn't take any, and made a slight shudder.

"I guess it's an acquired taste," Alicia's father said.

CJ didn't tell him that her issue was not the fact that you were eating the entire crab. When she was in the White House, she enjoyed a good soft shell crab sandwich almost as much as a good crabcake sandwich.

But ever since Danny had told her about molting crabs and mating, had explained why their special love-making position resembled the floating bits of protoplasm, she couldn't stomach the idea of eating creatures that were taken when they were so defenseless. A hard-shell crab could fight back, could pinch, she reasoned; it was more fair situation, like hunting with a bow and arrow rather than with a semi-automatic rifle. (Not that she could ever imagine herself hunting.)

CJ looked over at the next table, where Derrick was talking football with Ed and Vic. At the table beyond Derrick's, Deborah, Ellie, and Jean-Luc were talking. CJ had no idea what the discussion was about, but the conversation was very animated.

"I'm so glad that the twins are having a good time," she told her husband.

"We all are, Deborah, Derrick, Joe, and me. Everyone is so accepting."

"That's because they know how good you are for me. Also, the twins are doing a marvelous job in the third floor dorm."

July 2, 2015; early afternoon

"Fantastic! I feel like we're reenacting 'From Here to Eternity', except for all these other people."

Paul and CJ came running out of the waves, holding hands. When they reached the blanket spread under the beach umbrella, Paul flopped down on his back. He was still laughing when CJ lay down on her stomach beside him, made a half-hearted attempt to smooth her wet hair, and then reached down to kiss her husband.

Deborah lifted her head out of the paperback she was reading and looked over at the couple. CJ was propped up on her elbows; she reached over with one hand and ran her fingers over her husband's mouth. Deborah smiled to herself as her father reached up to brush an errant lock of CJ's hair off her face and behind her ear. Then he reached down and pulled on his wife's bathing suit bottom; the waves had turned up one of the cuffs of the swim shorts. Deborah didn't know why that inch made that much difference to her father, but then she remembered being on Jones Beach with Tom in a similar situation and him draping a towel across her butt.

When Deborah was at Miami, her female friends and her sorority sisters told her that her widowed father was a "real hunk"; her freshman year, one of the seniors actually asked for an introduction and asked Deborah how she felt about a younger stepmother.

Deborah looked at Paul and CJ in an objective way, trying to think of them not as parents but as people. She had to admit that her father was an extremely handsome man, was in very good shape. Lying there on his back, his Dartmouth green swim trunks still wet, with only his slightly raised right knee to break the effect of clinging fabric and gravity on his – Oh God, girl, stop it, he's your father! she told herself, turning her suddenly very warm face toward Derrick and Paddy still playing in the surf.

And what was she doing reading this novel with some sort of sex act on every fifth page? She and Tom had figured out that they could afford at most two trips for her to fly to Alaska between now and right before Christmas, and both of those were from California, not New Jersey. She didn't need to be aggravating an already frustrating situation. Maybe she should stay with her grandfather for a couple more months instead of planning to move out to California in September when (hopefully) her dissertation outline will have been approved and it was all over except for the writing. Living with him, she wouldn't be exposed to a very happy, very much in love couple every day. But then, that would be putting a lot of work on CJ, and her stepmother was going to be balancing work, three children, a house, and her own education. Besides, it was **her** wedding, and she wanted to make sure it was what she wanted.

Yesterday, when talking with Zoey and Deanna, the three of them agreed that they couldn't understand the brides that let their weddings be planned by celebrity planners and television audiences.

"I'll let the American public vote on President, they did a good job in picking my father," Zoey laughed, "but I would have rather be married in something from a Chadwick's catalog than wear a $20,000 dress that I didn't like, use music I couldn't stand, or eat reception food I couldn't stand."

Deanna smiled in understanding. "I was lucky. Cousin Minerva made my dress for me. And your parents, Zoey, were so nice to help with the cost of the reception."

"Well, they think of you as another daughter."

"Deborah?" CJ's voice broke through Deborah's reverie. "Where's Dansha?" There was just the littlest bit of concern in the voice.

"Karen took her up to the house when Morgan decided that little Donny was getting a bit overheated." The Seaborns' son was about 10 weeks younger than Dansha. The two of them were the youngest children in the care of Jennifer, Karen, and Tanya. "You know, CJ, I think it would be very easy to get used to having all this help around with the children. Do you think that has something to do with the fact that Rick and Ginger just said 'who knows' when asked if their little Danny would be it for them?"

"Well, I'm sure that it plays a part, as does being able to afford six kids so far, but Ginger is by no means a hands-off mom, either with her three or with Rick's from before. I've seen her helping with homework, making costumes for plays. She told me she thinks of it as having a baby sitter on twenty-four retainer, just in case."

"Hey! Watch where you're running! You messed up the whole left tower!" Huck Ziegler's voice sounded rather mad.

CJ looked up to see the horde of four to six year olds spilling over the sand.

"Noah-Leo-Micah-Joanie-Paddy-Celia-Giselle-Matty-Clarissa-Hoop-Gemma! I said **walk! **" Donna shouted in her best marine drill instructor voice. The children sheepishly slowed down and headed toward the canopy that covered two big blankets. "Now **sit**!"

Donna went down the line with a wet washcloth, wiping off faces, supplementing with spit when necessary. Then she filled a pail with water from the cooler and made her little troop dip their hands in it and dry them on the towel she had tucked into the waistband of her rather modest bikini. Only then did she hand out the popsicles that had been packed in dry ice.

"Damn!" Kate said. "She belongs on Parris Island!"

The sound of crying rent the air and all the parents looked up to see who was making the sound and why.

"Don't cry, Caitlin. We can fix it. See."

Twelve year-old Huck Ziegler packed a small bucket, about the size of a Ben and Jerry's pint, with wet sand and turned it over on the site of the trampled construction. He refilled the bucket and carefully put the contents on top of the first pile, packing the two of them together to form a solid tower.

"Make window!" Caitlin commanded the tower maker and Huck obliged, using the narrow piece of driftwood to outline the opening, then to carefully scrap away some of the sand to leave a depression in the side of the wall. Then he filled tiny open boxes with sand to put the edging on top of the tower.

"Caitlin like!" The little red-headed image of Danny Concannon stood up and planted a loud kiss on Huck's cheek. No one saw the look, part happiness and part hunger, that crossed the boy's face as his eyes fleetingly turned older than time.

"_It's beginning now, isn't it?" Alicia said as she and Danny looked down on the group from their perch on the moon._

"_Actually, for Huck, it began when we baptized Caitlin. He told me that he would take care of her. But I don't think Caitlin knows anything yet."_

"_Well, Hoop has no interest whatsoever in Dansha," Alicia laughed. "He's just trying to keep up with the other little ones."_

"_Well, they aren't supposed to know, not the way Huck does, the way Caitlin will. Hey, Paul, fix CJ's suit again, will you? By the way, Lisha, what was that funny look you had a few minutes ago?"_

"_Just a little bit of jealousy when Deborah realized that her father has a certain animal magnetism. Funny, isn't it, I'm not jealous at all of CJ and all that she does with Paul, but the second my daughter realizes that Paul is handsome and has a set of genitals - "_

"_Well, I never got a chance to experience it, but I've been told that there is a little bit of latent rivalry between mothers and daughters. Ken Robbins talked about it with Laura and Jill and Frank said he was just beginning to see signs of it with Diana and Carmen right before I died. It's obvious that Joannie is already doing it with Josh. Even Caitlin seems to favor Paul over CJ at times." Danny tried not to let the little catch in his voice show. He would have loved to have been Caitlin's knight in shining armor._

"_We never had it. From the first until you came here, I never had to share him, emotionally, with anyone. I think I really got to him that first night," she laughed._

_Alicia remembered back to her wedding night. After she had surprised Paul, first with her choice of lingerie and then by undoing his trousers and being the first to sit on the bed, she continued to show him that only was she not worried and not scared, but that she appeared to be conquering her nervousness as well. When he joined her on the bed and began to kiss her mouth, her neck, and her shoulders, she felt the desperate need to feel his skin on hers, slipped her hands under his T-shirt and pushed it up and over his head. It was only because she sensed that he wanted to remove her garments himself that she didn't strip for him right then. Instead she let him ease the camisole straps down her upper arms, baring her breasts to his mouth. Then, pushing her arms over her head, he slipped the lace and silk over her head. She gasped as he moved down the bed, sat at her side and somehow managed to work his tongue up and under her right tap pants leg, playing with her most sensitive apex while pushing through the scarlet silk against the rest of her pubic region with his chin._

_It was only when he had finally slipped the pants from her hips, removed his own boxers, and brought his body over hers that her skittish returned and became apparent to him. She was remembering the tightness and the pinching when the doctor at Student Health inserted the speculum and, apologizing for her discomfort, gently opened the instrument in order to examine her._

"_Lissy, we can stop. Just tell me to stop this if that's what you want."_

_She smiled and put her hands to his shoulders. "What I want is you, husband mine." She shifted her body slightly, widened her legs._

_But he went slowly, ever so slowly, taking almost two minutes from the time he first parted her folds until he was totally inside her. And there was no pain, no pinching. There was only the wondrous feel of warm, cushioned steel filling her, stretching her, touching her. She couldn't find the words to tell him how wonderful she felt, so she tried to let her eyes and her smile relay the message._

_Later, he told her that sometime, he wanted to see if the wide legs of her tap pants could be pushed aside enough to allow him entrance to her without hurting her. He wanted to know the feel of being inside her and at the same time feeling her with that layer of silk between them._

"_But not just yet. I've waited too long to touch you, to feel you, to bury myself inside you."_

_She sighed and she looked at Danny. He knew that she was thinking of Paul, but then, there had been times when he had been thinking of CJ. He smiled and pulled her toward Cassiopeia's Chair._

Andy came up to Paul and CJ; she lowered her pregnant body into the lawn chair Toby set down for her.

"I can't believe how fascinated Huck is with Caitlin! He's been playing with her all day," Toby told the three of them.

"Well, I think that part of it is because he's really a kind of fish out of water. He's too young for Sev and the other teenaged boys and too old for the grade school set. Bryce and Molly are experiencing puppy love and are telling him that 'three's a crowd'. The teenaged girls, Larry's stepdaughters and Ed's daughter, are all crushing over the lifeguards and Derrick. The pre-teen girls, except for Molly, are dreaming about Sev and Ed's sons. Also, I know that he is really wrapped up in the idea of being a big brother," Andy told the group.

When Toby and Andy went to talk with their doctors in January about trying for another child, the medical experts conducted their initial exams and were dumbfounded. None of them could figure out how the remarried couple had managed the impossible, at least for them – conceiving a baby "the old fashioned way". Toby and Andy just thanked God and continued to pray that she would be able to carry the baby to term. So far, so good, but they were trying not to be too happy, trying not to tempt fate. Only Huck was filled with exuberance about the event.("Don't worry, Dad. Aunt CJ's husband's niece, when they baptized the baby, told me everything was going to have a happy ending.")

"It's just so unusual to see such caring in a boy that age," Paul commented.

Andy looked up. "Are you concerned? Are you afraid that he might be – would you want us to ask him to cool it?"

"No!"

"Of course not!"

CJ and Paul spoke over each other, both of them blushing as they realized what Andy thought they were thinking about Huck.

"Caitlin adores him. Of course, sometimes I think she adores anything with a Y chromosome," CJ laughed.

"Molly went through that stage, too." Andy joined in the laughter.

Toby decided that he would have a talk with his son, to make sure that there was nothing about which to be concerned. Better safe than sorry, he reasoned.

"_Toby, Toby, Toby. Please don't look for evil where none exists," Danny told the man._

"The hunters have returned!"

Josh led a group consisting of Sam, Rick, Hoynes, Will, Vic, Jesse, Ed, and Larry to the beach. Most of the adult men (except Paul, Derrick, Jean-Luc, and Charlie) had gone deep-sea fishing.

"Joe?" Paul asked about his father-in-law.

"He, our Canadian friend, and the President volunteered to clean the fish."

July 3, 2015; 1:30 PM

"Come and get it!"

President Bartlet was presiding over the hamburgers cooking on the oil can turned charcoal grill sitting about five feet above the high tide line.

Margaret filled a plate with several burgers, grabbed some ketchup and mustard, and carried the food to where CJ, Donna, Abbey, and Ginger were sitting in beach chairs.

Abbey asked Margaret how she was adjusting to ranch life in Texas. The tall redhead told them that it was different; even John felt out of place after having been in Washington for so long. However, they were determined to remain there at least until January, to give it an entire year before rethinking their plans.

"Hoop loves it," Margaret laughed. "He has his pony, and his dog."

Donna told them she had taken a telecommuting position with the DNC, but wouldn't be starting until September, when Noah, like Paddy, would be in first grade. She would be shepherding likely candidates for the '16 congressional elections, making sure that they were on track with fund-raising, appearances, and getting their names out before the public. Donna also told them that Josh would be setting up an office in Widewater Beach,("assuming he passes the bar"), but that he would also be affiliated with a firm in Fredericksburg.

"He's thinking about getting a motorboat, to go across the creek, rather than driving up to Quantico and then down the Jeff Davis," Donna laughed.

Abbey told Donna that she wanted a picture from Donna's graduation from Georgetown in May. CJ again apologized for not being able to come when Donna received her Master's.

"I really couldn't leave Dansha, and since we weren't coming back for Tom's graduation from med school - ". She left the sentence unfinished.

Donna told CJ again what she had told her when CJ phoned in April. Donna totally understood.

"But are you sure you all have to leave on Wednesday morning, that you can't come spend some time with us?"

A lot of the gang were staying through the next weekend.

"No, really, we want to get Derrick home in plenty of time for the bar exam on the 24th. Also. Paul wants to stop for a few days in Bethany and in Lexington; he wants some of his old friends to meet me, to see Dansha. We're going to need nine days to get home."

Well, you're always welcome in Virginia," the willowy blonde replied.

"And here," Ginger added.

"Papa! More!"

CJ heard Caitlin's voice a second before she felt the light sprinkle a seawater. Paul had taken Caitlin down to the water and held onto her tightly as he knelt in the shallow waters, letting her experience the waves without any danger.

"Maybe later, little one. Right now, I'm hungry." Paul plopped down on the blanket behind where the women were sitting.

"So am I." Derrick and Paddy joined them on the blanket. They had been further out in the water, with Paddy hanging onto Derrick for dear life when the waves came up to his shoulders.

"Paddy, go ask Grandpa Jed for some burgers for the three of us."

Paddy jumped up to do his brother's bidding.

"Where's Granddad?" Derrick looked around for Joe.

"Over there with Mrs. Vinick," CJ answered, pointing to the picnic table where Ginger's mom and Joe were sitting. "I think they're figuring how many slabs of ribs they'll need for Sunday." Joe had volunteered to cook barbecue for the group, using his mother's sauce recipe. Their hosts accepted the offer, but insisted on covering the costs. After some wrangling, Joe agreed except for the sauce ingredients. The recipe was a family secret, he insisted. He would buy the necessary things, and no one was allowed in the kitchen when he was mixing the sauce.

"Well, **you **be the one to tell Graciella that," Mrs. Vinick laughed.

"Mommy!"

Little Giselle came out of the water holding Ellie's hand and crying.

"She got wiped out," Ellie laughed. "Anyone seen Bonnie and Jean-Luc?"

"I think they were headed for the birch tree," Will replied and everyone started laughing.

"I'll explain later," CJ told her husband.

Much Later

Paul ran his finger absent-mindedly down CJ's spine as she slept in the moonlight. The light weight of her right leg across his groin was mildly erotic, and maybe, in a little bit, he would kiss her awake and seduce her into a second act.

He thought back on what CJ had told him about that first beach party five years ago. He was glad that no hurricane had destroyed any rooms this year, glad that Rick had decided that the unmarried couples would have to suffer the bunk beds. (Paul was also glad that neither Will and Kate nor Nancy McNally and her beau were aware that he was licensed to perform marriages in New Jersey.)

Paul was also glad there had been no hurricane because he knew, without CJ saying anything, that there was no way she could have made love with him in that little playhouse. It was something that would belong only to her and Danny.

He felt her stirring against him. When he looked into her face, her smile answered the question before he even asked.

July 4, 2015; 10:15 PM

It had been another wonderful day, just like yesterday, the day before, and the day before that. After enjoying another of Graciella's marvelous breakfasts ; after hours of lounging around the pool and down at the beach; after indulging in the hot dogs, baked beans, potato salad, and watermelon at lunch; after feasting on clams, lobsters, oysters, chicken, and corn baked in a pit on the beach at supper; everyone was seated on blankets and chairs enjoying the professional fireworks show that was capping Independence Day at the big house on Cape May.

CJ leaned back against Paul's chest, his arms wrapped around her, his legs around her thighs and under her legs. There was a bit of a chill in the air and she was still in the cutoffs and halter she put on after their afternoon swim; a she pulled a blanket up over her legs and their arms. Paul took advantage of the cover, the darkness, and the distraction of the bright lights in the sky to let his hands do some very interesting wandering. CJ was a little surprised; Paul rarely touched her intimately in the company of others. She didn't know if he had become more relaxed as he realized that her friends (and Danny's) had totally accepted his role in her life, if the beer he had been drinking all day (not that heavily, but it did add up) had loosened his inhibitions, or if the darkness and the blanket gave him a greater sense of privacy. And, she sighed to herself as his hand found its way under the cuff of her cut-offs, she really didn't care, she was just going to enjoy.

Dansha was gently snoring in her cradle carrier between Derrick and Paddy on the blanket in front of them. Caitlin was also sleeping, her head in Deborah's lap. Caitlin's twelve year-old knight errant watched from his place beside Toby, two blankets away.

"Mama! Mama!"

CJ snapped to attention at the sound of Paddy's voice.

"Wasn't that the most wonderfulest thing?"

"What?"

"That last one, Mama!"

CJ looked up to see the remnants of a multi-colored set of Catherine Wheels breaking apart in the sky.

"It was nice, sweetie."

"You didn't like it, Mama?"

"Paddy, your mama liked it," Paul told the boy, "but she's been spoiled. She sees fireworks just about every night."

"Paul!" CJ's squeal was partly because of the comment but also partly because of what his thumb was doing as it reached under the leg of her panties.

"We'll have our own private showing tonight," he whispered into her ear, keeping up the motion of his fingers.

July 16, 2015, 11:30 PDT; Kensington, CA

Paul eased off I-80 onto Cutting and then took the right onto San Pablo. In a few minutes, they would be home.

"Everyone is still sacked out." Derrick turned around in the front passenger seat to check on the others.

Just as they had pushed on the first day of the trip East, they had done so on this last day. When they left Cape May, they dropped off Joe and Deborah, then headed to West Virginia and Bethany College, where Paul showed CJ where he spent his first four years in ministry and teaching. Some of his former fellow teachers were still there and they were so glad to see the grownup Derrick, to meet the woman who had brought happiness into Paul's life after the loss of Alicia, and to marvel at the children, especially Dansha. After two nights in the northern panhandle, they drove to the Bluegrass, where again they spent two nights. In addition to having the same reception from his Lexington friends, they drove down to Shakertown and toured one of the horse farms. Then it was on to St, Louis, Omaha, Cheyenne again, and Salt Lake City again.

"Thanks again for everything, Derrick." Today, Derrick had taken the early driving shift plus the next to last one. Paul handled afternoon leg; then they had switched off as they neared home, since Paul was more familiar with the route.

Everyone else was still sleeping when Paul pulled into the drive, so he took Dansha into the master bedroom while Derrick carried Caitlin to her crib. Then Derrick picked up Paddy while Paul tried to rouse CJ. She stirred a bit kept falling back to sleep. Finally, Paul lifted her into his arms and carried her into the house.

Derrick was walking into the family room when he saw his father coming in the opposite direction, carrying his stepmother. Seeing the look of love on his father's face, he hoped that someday soon, he would find the woman who would move him the way CJ moved his father.

"I'll take care of whatever needs to be done tonight and lock up, Dad."

Paul grabbed at the sheet, set CJ down on the bed, removed her shoes, her shorts, her shirt, and her bra, and covered her body. He checked again on Dansha and then looked in on Caitlin. He could hear Derrick checking the locks and knew that the older brother would take care of the younger, so he returned to his room, stripped down to his boxers, and slipped into bed beside his wife.

The road trips of the summer were over. Tom and Deborah had made it safely to Fairbanks and his future son-in-law was starting the new life he would share with Deborah come Christmas weekend; Deborah was putting the finishing touches on her academic career and looked forward to being a wife. The trip to Seattle saw Derrick achieve another milestone in his young life and in a few days, he would take the test that would allow him to practice the career for which he had trained. The trip to New Jersey, to see old friends and to make new ones,to make each other a part of their past lives, to meet Tom's family, had been great fun, but it was good to be back. In another six weeks, the school year would begin; he and CJ would be back to work.

But until then, they would fill their home with love and laughter.


	13. Family Men

**Family Men**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC, alternate universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult – I don't know if it's smutty or erotic; I do know that it is explicit

Spoilers through end of series

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

_September 20, 2015; Kensington, CA mid-afternoon_

Paul Reeves looked at his family, standing around the dinner table. They, in turn, were looking at him, waiting for him to bless their Sunday dinner.

There was so much for which to thank God, but Paul knew that everyone was hungry; the pork roast had taken longer than expected. God will understand, he told himself.

"For the food you have given us to eat, we thank you, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen."

Paul reached down to Caitlin, standing at her place to his right, and lifted her into her booster seat. Derrick pulled back CJ's chair for her.

"Oops! I'm sorry, Deborah!"

Paddy had started to sit down, but remembered what Papa had told him. "Gentlemen pull out chairs for ladies."

"Thank you, Paddy." Deborah smiled at her little stepbrother as he held her chair. (She grasped the front of her chair to help as the first grader pushed on the back of the chair.)

Paul cut a slice from one end of the roast, then cut two more pieces. "Is this okay for now, sweetheart?" Paul put the meat on a plate and handed it to Deborah on his left. The plate was passed to CJ at the other end of the table.

One small slice was put on a second plate and passed to Derrick, who began to cut it into small pieces for Caitlin.

Ðeborah?" Paul smiled at the daughter who looked so much like her mother.

"The same as CJ, please."

Her father complied.

Derrick was still busy with Caitlin's plate, so Paul put one and a half pieces on a plate for Paddy. Then he cut the end from the other side of the roast (Derrick liked the end cuts), plus two more slices for the lawyer. Finally, he put a couple slices on the last plate, sliced a few more in case anyone wanted seconds, and took his seat.

Derrick picked up the platter of roasted new potatoes, onions, carrots, and zucchini chunks that had been cooked with the roast and offered the serving spoon to CJ, who served herself and put some potatoes, carrots, and zucchini in a small bowl, mashed and cut the vegetables, and set the plate on Dansha's high chair tray.

Derrick took some vegetables for himself and Caitlin, passed the plate to Deborah (who held it for Paddy and then her father before serving herself).

As everyone began to eat, Paul prayed again, this time just to himself and the God to whom he had dedicated his life some thirty years ago.

"Thank you, Lord, for my family, for allowing us to have this experience."

How many families, he wondered, still ate mid-afternoon Sunday dinner together? In how many other houses in this town was this scene, a scene thought to be more indicative of the middle of the last century, taking place?

Of course, it was not an exact reenactment of those idealized times.

"Excellent, Dad, as usual."

Paul had done the cooking today, taking the roast from the refrigerator, putting everything in the pan, and seasoning it, setting the oven timer to reach 325 at forty-five minutes past noon, then covering the pan with foil and allowing the meat to reach room temperature while the family went to church.

When Paul had announced that the meal was ready, about a half hour ago, Derrick and Paddy had changed back to their dress slacks, but the three males were in nice cotton sweaters rather than coats and ties. Deborah had stayed in the matching tunic and slacks she had worn to church, but CJ, who had taken off the suit she had worn earlier in order to nurse Dansha, had put on a long patterned skirt and a color coordinated blouse.

But the table was set with their good china, flatware, and stemware, and they were using cloth placemats and napkins.

Still, it was nice to have everyone together.

Derrick had been coming by about two Sundays a month since he had moved into his San Francisco apartment in late July. However, since Deborah had moved into the family house in late August, her twin had been coming across the bay every Sunday, and this week, he had come over Saturday afternoon and spent the night with them.

Paul knew that Derrick's increased presence was due to that of Deborah, and the father understood. The twins had been close since their conception, and while they would always have that special bond, Deborah's upcoming marriage would bring a change to that relationship. Paul knew that Deborah and Derrick wanted to make the most of the next three months.

As did Paul.

Paul knew that under different circumstances, different things would be occurring, but he was glad that Deborah and Tom's circumstances were such that Deborah had chosen to return to her father's house for these last few months before her marriage.

In three months and one week, Deborah would wake up for the last time in her single bed across the hall from the master bedroom and put on her mother's wedding dress. Paul would escort her down the aisle of the church and put her hand into Tom's waiting one. Then he would don his ministerial stole and witness the vows binding together the two young people into a new family.

"It's the way it should be," he thought. He fully recognized that he was being extremely old-fashioned, in wanting Deborah under his roof but having no problem with Derrick living however much of a bachelor lifestyle that a first year associate in a major law firm could manage.

"CJ, I'll be assisting Barry Demos on the Hollis Foundation project starting next week," Derrick told his stepmother. "Do you have any advice, or inside information, on working with the Hollis legal staff?"

"Jamie Cleveland is a very good lawyer and a very good person. You'll find it very easy to get along with her. Tommy Gans is okay, but he's from Kentucky and can't shut up about basketball. Tiffany Bacher has a very dry wit, a strange sense of humor; if you think she says something out line, she probably didn't mean it that way. Will you be going down to San Luis Obispo or will they be coming here?"

"For this meeting, we're driving down Monday afternoon, will stay there until Thursday morning."

Deborah had been clearing the table and now she carried over the lemon roll and dessert plates from the credenza.

"Shall I serve?" she asked. Everyone enjoyed the dessert. Then Paddy asked if he and Derrick could be excused. His big brother was teaching him how to throw a football.

Ninety minutes later, Derrick came out the bedroom he shared with Paddy carrying a garment bag and a knapsack.

"I'll see you all next week," he announced as he began his farewell hugs.

"Don't go." Paddy grabbed onto his brother's hand.

"Hey, buddy, I have to get ready to go on a trip tomorrow. I'll be back soon."

Paddy knew that he wasn't a little kid anymore, he was in first grade; he was supposed to understand. Derrick had to spend much more time at his job than Mama and Papa had to spend at their jobs. For one thing, their jobs were different. For another, Derrick was in something called "competition" with some of the other people at his job. Papa said it was kind of like football and baseball players. There were more people who wanted to have the jobs than there were jobs to go around and the people in charge of the place where Derrick worked would only keep the best ones. When Paddy asked why they didn't already know that Derrick was "the bestest", Papa said that not everyone was as perceptive, whatever that was, as Paddy and that sometimes, things happened that seemed to be unfair. Paddy loved his brother and he wanted him to win the competition, so he didn't make any more fuss about Derrick having to leave.

Once Derrick left, Mama and Papa said they needed to take a nap. (Mama and Papa took an awful lot of naps together. But when Paddy said something about it to Derrick, his brother just laughed and told him that sometimes, when you were a grownup, naps were a lot more fun than when you were a kid.) Deborah said that Paddy should come to the park with Caitlin, Dansha, and her. Paddy went, but he kicked at a lot of sticks and stones because he wanted Derrick to spend more time at home.

_September 26, early evening_

"Derrick!"

Paddy saw Derrick's car in the driveway when they had come back from Mama's church and tore through the garage and into the kitchen, looking for his brother.

Derrick Reeves got up from the kitchen table and picked up the child, who wrapped his arms around Derrick's neck and his legs around Derrick's waist.

"Hey, buddy!"

"I'm glad you're here!"

"So am I! There's something for you on my bed," Derrick answered as he lowered the boy to the floor.

"Yay!" Paddy ran off to the bedroom wing.

"And some things for your sisters," Derrick called after the boy. "Bring them back with you."

"You shouldn't spend all your money, son." Paul shifted Caitlin to his left arm as he gave Derrick a one-armed hug.

"Jean-Luc used his faculty discount card, everything was half-price. And I just bought for the kids, I hope that's okay." The last sentence was aimed at his twin. Derrick was pretty sure that the lack of Cal Poly Mustang athletic wear would not cause irreparable emotional harm to his father and his stepmother.

"Derrick, your presence is my present."

Everyone groaned at the trite (but true) statement.

"Derk! Kiss!" Caitlin held out her little arms to the young man and gave him a sloppy kiss, then clamored to be let down when Paddy returned to the kitchen, wearing one hoodie and carrying two others.

Finally CJ, having handed Dansha to her husband, came up to Derrick. "I love having you here with us, but I'm worried about your social life, and if you have one?"

"I manage fine on Friday nights," Derrick told her as he returned her hug. "And maybe once in a while during the week, when I'm not working late."

"How about Chinese takeout?" Deborah looked around the group.

"_Pizza! Yay!" Cosmas, Damian, Danielle, Leslie, and Theo opened the boxes and grabbed for the slices._

"_Old Bay shrimp!" Danny, Jem, and Hugh dug into the pile of crustaceans and washed down the luscious morsels with cold beer._

_Brianna and Alicia lifted their mimosas and savored the delicate slices of quiche garnished with fresh strawberries and slices of melon._

_Pistol walked from group to group; he was an omnivore and glad of it._

Two hours later, the four adults were sitting around the kitchen table, trying to convince each other that they should try to finish the three tablespoons each of leftover beef with pea pods, orange chicken, twice cooked pork, and Hunan shrimp. Caitlin and Dansha were sacked out; Paddy was on the phone with Maggie Muñoz, who just had to call to tell Paddy how she lost one of her teeth and how somebody called the Tooth Fairy took it but left her a whole dollar for it.

"The trip was okay?" CJ asked her stepson.

"It was wonderful."

Derrick told them how much he liked San Luis Obispo and the Cal Poly campus. He really enjoyed his work with the Hollis Foundation legal staff. Everyone seemed to work together for the best interests of the foundation and its projects. There wasn't any pushing and shoving to be the best; there wasn't any tearing down of anyone else; there wasn't any stealing of anyone else's ideas. Mr. and Mrs. Hollis were very warm people and seemed genuinely interested in him as a person. Of course, they sent their love and their best to CJ. Mr. Hollis had said that he still had hopes that CJ would reconsider returning, if only part-time, or at least consider taking a position on the board. ("I keep telling him, maybe after I finish the degree work here, I mean, I just started the first of the two courses I need, and after the girls are older, of course.") President and Mrs. Santos were very nice and very competent, but no one could hold a candle to your stepmother, Mr. Hollis told him.

"Bonnie, Jean-Luc, and the girls?"

"Send their love. Bonnie seems perfectly happy balancing her work and her family. Jean-Luc has a book on Sartre coming out next summer."

_Later that evening_

"I guess Derrick is still having a bit of a rough time at the law firm?"

CJ walked into the master bath where Paul had just finished changing Dansha and was cleaning up the mess. (A few minutes ago, Derrick had come to the door. Paddy was complaining of a "tummy ache" and Derrick was wondering if he could give the little boy a couple of his Tums® . CJ wanted to make sure it was nothing more than that and had reassured herself that Paddy didn't have a fever and didn't react overmuch when she pressed on the general area of her son's appendix.)

"I'm sure that he'll adjust to it. He was quite competitive in high school, so I expect his ego will push him to succeed. In my mind, the real issue is that this is the first time he's been with a lot of people every bit as quick, as good as he is." Paul picked up Dansha and carried her to the crib.

CJ had only known Derrick for a little less than three years, and she knew that Paul had greater insight into the twins and their psyches, but she sensed that Derrick's issues were more than just not being king of the hill. For one thing, there was that huge bottle of antacids in his overnight kit. For another, there was a bit of forced brightness in his voice. Then there was the brightness in his eyes as he talked about San Luis Obispo and the foundation's legal team.

"_CJ's right," Alicia told Danny. "My baby's not in the right place for him."_

"_I don't know, Lish. Paul's right; Derrick needs to adjust to the new situation. When I started teaching, I had a few rough spots myself."_

CJ remembered back four years, when Danny and the other guys were late coming back from their fishing trip. She hadn't hesitated for one second before calling in favors, even though she would never do it for herself. I'll call Frank in a few weeks, she thought to herself and smiled as she removed her sweater, dropped her skirt, opened her negligee drawer, and reached for the bronze sleep shirt that was on top of the pile.

"Don't bother with that."

CJ looked up at the sound of her husband's order. She knew better than to jokingly wonder aloud about what would be the repercussions of putting on the garment. Paul didn't play those games.

"_She sure played them with me often enough!"_

"_At least you got the chance." Simon Donovan looked longingly into the bedroom in Kensington._

"_Hey, guy, what can I say? I'm sorry, but then, if you hadn't been shot, I might not have had my chance."_

"_Ah, well. Hey, the game is starting. I'll take Cherubim by eight."_

"_No way those guys will beat the Seraphim."_

_The two men settled down to watch the football game being played by the cluster of stars that Ptolemy had named Herakles._

Instead, she returned his smile with one of her own, walked her nude body over to him, and with one hand touching the side of his face, used the other to unsnap his 501s.

_October 20_

"Hey, Donna!" CJ curled up on the deck recliner and watched her daughters playing together in the sandbox.

"Hi, CJ! What's up?"

"Just calling to tell you that you were looking damn good last night."

"You saw it?" Donna had been featured in a "Nightly News" segment about where former Santos administration figures were now and what they were doing. Donna was shown attending a Stafford County Board of Supervisors meeting (she had been elected to fill a vacancy back in August.)

"Sure did. I loved the way you channeled the President when you denounced that one guy's argument as a typical example of the 'Post hoc ergo propter hoc' fallacy," CJ laughed.

"Poor man didn't know what hit him." Donna joined in the laughter. "So, how's the return to work going? You're taking a class, right?"

"It's okay. I'm only in the office for three days a week, six hours a day. The class meets late Tuesday afternoon, 3:30 until 6:00. Paul's home those afternoons, so it's good."

"Dansha does okay without you?"

"Yes, especially since I weaned her ten days ago."

"I thought you were going to try to nurse for a full year?"

"Not the way that kid bites! I shouldn't complain, it's the only thing she does that even begins to annoy. She's sleeping through the night now. Deborah keeps telling us to move the crib into the room she and Caitlin share, but it would be too crowded. But after December - "

Donna thought she heard a twinge of sadness in her friend's voice.

"You okay, Ceej?"

"I'm fine, it's just that I've grown so close to Deborah, having her here, and soon she'll be taking off for the land of twenty-four hour days and nights.

"However," CJ's voice brightened, "we're having a good time wrapping up wedding details. Hank's coming up the day after tomorrow to make sure that Alicia's dress fits Deborah. It will be good to see him. He's also doing my dress, updating that Armani with the light blue skirt and dark blue top."

"**Updating** an Armani?" Donna chucked.

"Hey, nothing's perfect."

"Mama!"

CJ looked up. Dansha was throwing sand.

"Gotta go. My love to Josh. Kiss the kids for me."

"Ditto to Paul and ditto the rugrats, all five of them."

_October 23_

"Why don't you put these things in the refrigerator?"

"Okay, Papa. Could I visit Maggie when I have a school holiday?"

Paddy was happy and sad at the same time. Yesterday afternoon, Uncle Hank flew up from Santa Monica. He was going to fix Aunt Alicia's wedding dress so it would fit Deborah when she got married right after Christmas. Uncle Steve, Pammy, and little Danny were s'posed to come too, but Pammy got sick so Uncle Steve and the kids stayed home. Uncle Hank was going to come by himself, but since Maggie didn't have school and they had the extra ticket, Aunt Diana and Uncle Frank let her come too. Paddy got to take Maggie to school with him today for show and tell. But when Papa picked up the two of them after school, Uncle Hank was also in the car and they went to the airport. It was a short visit with his best friend "even bester than Derrick".

"_Will someone __**please**__ do something about my son's grammar!" Danny shouted._

_Sister Mary Benedict told Danny to cut his son some slack. "Chill!"_

"_Chill? From a nun?" Danny thought. _

Paddy also learned some more rules about being a gentleman last night. (There were lots of rules, Papa said, and it would take some time to learn all of them. It was okay if he didn't remember all the time; he just needed practice.)

First of all, Maggie didn't know about waiting to have her chair pulled out, but Papa was very nice about it. (Caitlin was sitting on Papa's left side because apparently one of the rules was that a lady guest sat on Papa's right side and a gentleman guest sat on Mama's left side, so Uncle Hank sat in Derrick's place. Apparently, Uncle Hank knew the rules because he helped Mama with her chair. Also, apparently even a little kid like Maggie counted as a lady guest. Then, when Papa cut the roast beef, he gave the first piece to Maggie rather than Mama and the second piece to Uncle Hank, because guests get served before Mama. Paddy got served last (except for Papa, of course, cause he was cutting the meat.)

Sometimes, it seemed to Paddy that girls had all the fun, but Paddy was still glad he was a boy like Papa and Derrick.

Paul looked in on Caitlin and Dansha in the family room, (Caitlin was playing with her caveman doll; Dansha was slumbering in her cradle carrier) then went to find CJ and Deborah.

He hadn't seen his wife and his daughter since this morning; it had been deliberate.

Paul did not want to see Deborah in Alicia's dress and veil until right before the wedding. He had been telling the truth when he had told first Deborah and then CJ that he would be able to handle seeing his daughter in her mother's dress. His emotions on that day, when he would be so happy for Deborah and yet more than just a little sad to be officially recognizing that there was another man in her life, would be heightened and he would be prepared to deal with them. Seeing the image of his virgin bride in her virginal bridal finery would be just one small part of that jolt to his composure. Seeing her in it today, when he was expected (at least in his mind) to be a rational adult was a different story.

He heard the voices coming from his bedroom.

"CJ, was it hard for you, with Danny, and then with Daddy, to let them take care of you? I mean, I've only been independent, if that's the right word, for three years, and I was worried, am still a bit worried, about whether I can still be my own person while letting Tom take care of me the way he wants to take care of me. You were by yourself for so many years; you've achieved more than just about any woman in this country has, being Chief of Staff and all. Were you ever worried about being cramped?"

"Well, first of all, I think that Ella Grasso, Ann Richards, Dixie Lee Ray, Martha Layne Collins, and the other women who have been state governors might argue that they held more power than I did," CJ laughed. "Second, when it's right between him and you, it usually doesn't seem like you're being cramped."

"But if it does?"

"Well, let me tell you what Abbey Bartlet told me. 'Sometimes you kiss them, tell them that you love them, but that in this particular situation, you can take care of yourself. Once in a while, you tell them you can take care of yourself, but skip the kissing and telling them you love them part. And once in a while, you thank God that there is someone who wants to take care of things for you. The tricky part is knowing when to do what.' I've found, over the past years, that it's pretty good advice."

"**Did** you ever feel cramped with Danny? Does **Daddy** ever cramp you?"

Paul walked away as CJ started to tell Deborah about her initial arguments with Danny about her traveling for "Road to a Better World". He didn't feel as if he should eavesdrop on whatever CJ might choose to share with his daughter about their marital relationship. He wasn't entirely convinced that "cramping" CJ was always a bad thing.

For example, once CJ decided that she did want to pursue her PhD, she (no surprise here) wanted "to get it overwith ASAP". She needed two classes and the dissertation and she figured she could take the two classes this fall plus begin work on the dissertation, then finish the work and defend it in time for next May's commencement ceremonies.

Paul told her that he felt she was taking on way too much. She was just starting back to work after nine months. It would be an adjustment not only for her but also for the children, especially Caitlin, who was still in the short-term memory stage. There was also Deborah's wedding. Granted, Deborah was here and could take on a great deal of the work, but Paul knew his wife -- she would want to continue to be involved. Then there was their relationship as husband and wife, emotional as well as physical. He and CJ both had enjoyed spending the extra time with each other since last December. They knew they would have to go back to work ("Unless I can convince you to live off our savings, we move up to Albion, and downsize our lifestyles," CJ joked), but they wanted to keep from working forty plus hour weeks.

"Sweetheart, I really think you should just take one course this semester and one next semester. Do the dissertation next year and get the degree in '17. I don't want you overburdened and frazzled."

"Donna managed two classes a semester, a full work week, and four kids. I can do this."

He had to stop himself from saying "But you aren't Donna", but the truth was, she wasn't. The fact that Donna was blonde, beautiful, and willowy, combined with the fact that she was a late bloomer, blinded long-time friends to Donna's extraordinary ability. Also, Donna hadn't been through CJ's life – eight years of deferred emotional feelings for the man she loved, losing another man to violent murder, taking care of Jed Bartlet while everyone else went off to find a successor for the man or, in the case of Toby Ziegler, decide that innate morality demanded the commission of civil disobedience. He had best be as tactful as possible.

"CJ, Donna was starting her Master's work from the very beginning. Also, the department may want more than two semesters 'in residence', as it were – the perceived difference, and accompanying deference between a master's and a doctorate is so much more than that between a bachelor's and a master's. Sweetheart, I know you can do anything you set your mind to do, but I want you happy and unstressed. Please? For me?"

Finally, thank God, she agreed to do it "your way, husband and master" and so far, she seemed to be handling everything with balance and confidence.

_"Like I told you, she needs restraints at times. The trick is to make her see it. You're doing okay," Danny said_.

Paul would be officiating at his daughter's wedding but there was no way he was going to conduct the pre-marital counseling for the engaged couple. Tom had come down for two days right after Deborah had left Princeton and Paul introduced them to one of his colleagues at the Pacific School of Religion. The man was counseling the two of them via phone and web cam and Paul was sure that his daughter and his future son-in-law were in good hands.

Of course, if Deborah were to ask his advice on something specific (but, he hoped, **not** something sexual), he would do his best.

And, of course, Paul was glad that CJ and Deborah were becoming so comfortable with each other. In so many cases, stepparents and stepchildren of the same sex were at odds with each other.

When Deborah came to Kensington, CJ asked her if she was really okay with sharing a room with Caitlin. Was she sure she didn't want to use the living room instead? With the new curtains on the French doors and other additions, it was a private room. The only problem would be the distance to the bathroom. However, Deborah assured CJ that she was fine with the room she had used for the past two years.

CJ also insisted that Deborah was not to think of herself as "built-in child care". On the days when both CJ and Paul were on campus, the girls were in daycare. And either CJ or Paul was off duty by the time Paddy's school let out for the day. Deborah was to plan her wedding and work on her dissertation. CJ had even found Deborah some office space on campus so she would have a "professional" place to do her work.

On the mornings when either Paul, CJ (or both) were at home, the adults would have a relaxing time with each other. (CJ and Paul did accept Deborah's offer to take turns getting Paddy to and from school, mostly because Paddy was so proud of "my really pretty big sister" and wanted his friends to see her.)

"I know you would want to be here, I know that Deborah would want you here, and you can't have any doubt about the way I feel," Paul said to the presence he thought he felt, the faint scent of "Youth Dew" he sensed in the air, "but I hope you don't mind that our daughter has someone to help her, to be the feminine sounding board I can't."

"_Of course I don't mind! I'm happy for all of you! And I hope you don't mind that – Danny, stop it! Not in front of everyone! – Leslie, Theo, and I have a man to help us up here. In a sense, we're making our own little blended family. Look, I've got to go work on the costumes for all five kids, plus think of something for Pistol. Maybe put some white dots on him and let him be a reverse Dalmatian."_

_Danny reflected that They were really in tune with what people in heaven might like. For the most part, wishing did indeed make it so, but They knew that sometimes, people enjoyed the "doing". So Alicia was doing arts and crafts things to make costumes for the kids rather than having them materialize out of thin air. Yesterday, for dinner, Danny got to actually cook the steaks for the eight of them (counting Pistol), Brianna, Jem, Hugh, his folks, CJ's folks, and Alicia's mother and grandmother. (Of course, when Esther made the potato salad, she was perfectly happy with not having to peel the spuds to chop the celery and scallions. And the kids enjoyed wishing the dishes clean.)_

After CJ finished telling Deborah about how she came to accept Danny's "going all Victorian about cabs and stuff" she changed the subject. She didn't want to discuss her current situation.

"It's amazing how little alteration you'll need for your dress."

"I know. Aunt Gwen says that I'm so much like Mom that it sometimes gives her a start. When she gave me the box, she said that until Mom started losing weight from her cancer (Deborah's voice wavered a bit), she probably could have stepped right into the dress herself."

"I wish I could say that. I'm about six pounds over what I weighed two years ago, and ten pounds over what I weighed when Danny and I got married."

"I don't know, CJ, you look about the same to me; maybe it's muscle. Where's the thing you wore two years ago?"

CJ dug into the back of the walk-in closet and found the ivory lace suit. She tried on the pieces.

Deborah was right; she could still wear it.

"Well, there is some elastic in the waist band," CJ laughed.

"Where's your other dress?"

It was in a box on the top shelf of her side of the closet. Deborah wheedled until she got down the box and unwrapped the dress from its covering.

"My Lord, look at all those buttons! (Alicia's dress had a zipper down the back.) Well, it'll take forever to undo them and do them up again, but let's see."

CJ showed her the side zipper that would make it easy to try on the dress and take it off again.

"Here goes nothing."

There was just an iota of tightness at the waist. She also had a bit more fullness, more cleavage up top.

"Maybe I gained most of the weight on the inside of my thighs."

"Did Danny undo all these?"

"Yep."

CJ told her about the conversation before Carol's wedding. They giggled about Rick not bothering to undo Ginger's dress and laughed out aloud at the thought of Josh and Velcro ® .

"Sweetheart, do you want me to start – oh!"

Paul opened the bedroom door, started to walk in, then stopped short.

"CJ, you are so beautiful."

Even when he had been sick two Christmases ago, Deborah had never heard her father's voice sound so hoarse, so throaty, so deep. Deborah knew that the husband and wife saw only each other, did not remember that there was a third person in the room.

Deborah slipped out of the room. She called next door to Lee and Dottie Hotchkiss. Yes, they could take care of Dansha for a couple of hours, so Deborah gathered up some baby food and the ever-present diaper bag. She phoned the restaurant to inquire about call ahead seating. It was early, the wait was only twenty-five minutes. Deborah wrote a note for her father and CJ, then gathered up everyone. "Let's go Outback tonight."

Paul approached CJ, who stood, seemingly frozen by his stare. He pulled her into his arms, kissed her face, her neck, the tops of her breasts that rose above the neckline of the dress.

"A vision of beauty. An angel in lace," he murmured over and over again, grasping the back of her head with his right hand, the curve of her backside with his left, as she moaned and hung onto his shoulders.

Then he turned her round, holding her by the waist with his left arm. He moved aside her hair, kissed the back of her neck and started down her spine until he reached the neckline. His right hand went to the first button.

"No!"

Paul didn't know if CJ heard the anguished cry, but he stopped cold and dropped his hands. (Then he reached out to steady CJ, but let go again as soon as he was sure she wouldn't fall.)

CJ turned around to see the tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry; please forgive me, sweetheart. I'll get Deborah to help you. I just can't – this dress, and you in it; that belongs to Danny."

He turned and left the room.

"_I'm sorry, Jeannie," Danny whispered. "I've accepted Paul in your life, his hands on you, his mouth on you, his body inside you. Hell, I wanted it for you and I'm glad that the two of you are so passionate about each other, both physically and emotionally. But this dress, that night in Santa Barbara, they're __**mine**__."_

Paul found the note on the kitchen table and cursed. Deborah had taken Paddy and Caitlin for an early supper. He sat at the table for a few minutes, trying to get hold of his emotions, headed back to the bedroom, took a deep breath, and entered.

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry, Deborah's taken the kids - "

She was out of the dress; it was nowhere to be seen. She was standing in her bra and panties, a shift in her hand.

"The dress had a side zipper."

He saw the trace of wetness on her face, tracks to match those on his cheeks.

Then they were in each other's arms, crying again and kissing away each other's tears.

"I never got to undress a bride," he told her. "You went ahead and changed into your negligee without asking, so I put on the pajamas. I understood; I knew from before that you wanted to get the anxiety out of the way. And I knew why Alicia felt **she **had to assert herself, to take the initiative. When Alicia and I got back from Bermuda, I was going to ask her to put on her dress, but her damned mother, excuse me, her mother, had already had it cleaned and packed away."

There had been no way that Paul was going to spend his first night with Alicia in the same town as Bernice and therefore had made the plans to go into the city. It was almost as if Bernice could read his mind; he swore he could see glee in her eyes when he found out that Alicia would be changing from her fairytale dress into a suit (a very nice, very feminine suit, to be sure, but not the completely appropriate lace and satin garment Alicia wore when they pledged themselves to each other) before leaving the Princeton Faculty Club. ("It's the proper thing, Paul. You can't expect her to ride for an hour in her veil and gown. Trust me, it's just not done!")

"I had no right, CJ. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," CJ reassured her husband. "I shouldn't have put it on. Deborah kept pressuring. I'm not blaming her; she just doesn't understand. Hopefully, nothing will happen to Tom and she won't ever have to understand. And on our wedding night, I had always wondered about wearing a sexy nightgown. I should have asked, I'm sorry."

She babbled on until Paul stopped her --kissing her the way Danny did rather than tickling.

They continued to console and reassure each other until consolation and reassurance morphed into passion and desire.

"I love you, CJ, whatever you wear, or don't wear." Paul lowered his hand to her groin and spoke the words that could start her senses reeling. "Open wide for me, sweetheart."

Later, it was their turn to leave a note on the kitchen table (after checking with the Hotchkiss' to make sure that everything was okay with Dansha) and slip away to a little place on University Ave. It had changed hands a couple of times since their days at Berkeley, but it was still special to them.

At dinner, Paul told CJ that he had made reservations in Calistoga ("Of course, the same place!") for the first weekend in November as a second anniversary celebration.

_October 31_

"No! Both of you go with Paddy and Caitlin! Deborah and I will take care of Dansha and give out the candy here."

Derrick pushed Paul and CJ toward the door where Paddy (in a kilt with a sword) and Caitlin in "Pebbles" costume ("dress like Durk", she had insisted, pointing to her caveman doll) waited impatiently to start collecting their stash of refined sugar, chocolate, fast food certificates, dimes (and maybe a toothbrush or two.)

Paul and CJ stood on the sidewalk, laughing as Paddy instructed his sister on the fine art of trick or treating.

"You have to say 'Trick or Treat, please!' and hold your bag wide open. Oh, and always say 'Thank you!' even if you don't like what they give us. Be sure to say it to Mrs. Dixon. She gives you another piece if you say it."

Later that evening, with the young beggars asleep (CJ and Paul told them "Only two pieces tonight and no chocolate!"), Derrick told the others about his law firm's Halloween party the previous night. ("I was a pirate, one of about five," he laughed.)

CJ still sensed that Derrick wasn't too happy with his position, but noticed that he was very enthusiastic about his continuing work with the Hollis Foundation.

Deborah told them that Tom had called while they were out. The good news was that he would be able to come into town two days before Christmas instead of on Christmas Eve. One of the other interns took pity on the groom to be. The bad news was that he had to trade away his two days off the Monday and Tuesday after Thanksgiving.

"So I'll be here after all, if it doesn't upset Gina's mother's food count."

CJ assured her that Carmella, Gina, and great-aunt Sophia didn't know the meaning of "too many people to feed".

_November 6; late afternoon_

Paul looked at the two children standing in front of him.

"Now do you promise that you will listen to Deborah and Derrick?"

"Yes, Papa," Paddy said.

"Me, too." Caitlin shook her head up and down emphatically.

"Then give me a hug." Paul opened his arms.

"Will you bring us presents?" Paddy asked his Papa.

"We'll be fine, Dad."

Derrick had taken off the afternoon and would also take off Monday. Paul was glad that there would be an adult male in the house while he and CJ were gone.

"So as soon as your mother is ready, we'll be - " Paul stopped as CJ came into the family room. She was wearing the ivory lace suit she had worn on their wedding day.

CJ smiled at Paul.

Paul smiled at CJ.

"I'll be five minutes." Paul headed toward the bedroom.

Six minutes later, Paul returned. If you looked closely, the bow tie was just a tad uneven, and one of the studs on the tuxedo shirt wasn't quite right, but he had even put on his black patent shoes and black socks. (His slacks, loafers, and seven-button Henley were in his left hand.)

"Have fun!" Deborah said (and blushed).

"Be good!" Paddy kissed his mama.

"Or at least careful!" Derrick joked as Paul opened the passenger door of the Mustang for CJ, walked around the rear of the car, and finally drove off toward Vallejo and points north.

_Ninety minutes later_

"Will there be anything else, Dr. Reeves," the desk clerk said as she handed keycards to Paul.

"Would you ask dining services to wait for my call before bringing the meal?" Paul said quietly to the young woman.

"Of course," she smiled. "Todd will show you to your suite."

The bellman pushed the luggage cart toward the elevator bank. "If you'll just follow me."

A few minutes later, Todd opened the door to the suite and pushed the cart through the door.

"I'll just show you a few things," he said, then turned around as he realized that his guests were not in the room with him.

Paul picked up CJ and carried her across the threshold.

"Oh! Newlyweds?"

"Eternally," CJ said. Paul and CJ laughed, fairly sure that the young man did not know of the line from Erich Segal's "Love Story".

"_Don't!" Danny said. "Remember, the Ali McGraw character dies!" He was still Celtic; he still feared evil, even in heaven._

Paul lowered CJ and smiled at the bellman.

"I think we can find everything." He slipped Todd a ten dollar bill.

"Thank you, sir!"

As the door closed behind Todd, CJ smiled at Paul.

"Hi."

"Hi there." Paul slipped off his shoes and his jacket, undid his tie.

"Stop there," CJ told her husband.

"Oh?"

"Oh." She came up to him and kissed him.

"As I recall, I did this." He picked her up again and carried her into the other room, where the bed had already been turned down by the chamber staff.

This time, the little buttons were on the front of the garment. This time, no one objected when Paul's hand began to undo them.

Garment followed garment until they stood naked in the late afternoon sunlight that came through the sheers. His lips started on her brow, then moved to each eye. Down the bridge of her nose, past her lips, down her throat and the valley between her breasts. He sat on the edge of the bed as his mouth trailed down her stomach, then fell to his knees as he circled her navel, the faint line that reached toward her curls. She put her hands on his shoulders for support as he finally reached her center.

He rotated the two of them, so that she backed against the bed. Pulling at her waist, he indicated that it was her turn to sit. He lifted her legs over his shoulders and she shrieked as she quaked into his mouth, her head collapsed on his left shoulder.

When she had quieted, he rose from his knees. She shifted back on the bed and wrapped her legs around his waist as he lowered himself over her and into her warmth and tightness. Somehow, he managed to keep himself in check until he had made her ready again; he followed her a second later.

Afterward, he placed a quick call while she started the shower then joined her under the waterfall. She was drying her hair when the knock came, so he quickly slipped on his robe, opened the door, and then quickly slipped it off again when the door closed again.

When she entered the living room of the suite in her peach nightgown, she found him, as she expected, in his while silk pajama pants.

She didn't expect the meal; she had mentioned that the paper had given the resort's restaurant an excellent review and he had (she thought) nodded his head in agreement.

This time, there was shrimp, crab, and lobster meat to accompany the fettuccine. This time, the salad was designer lettuce instead of red and green leaf. This time, the champagne was her brother's finest, with the words "naturally fermented in this bottle" rather than "charmat bulk process" on the label. This time, the plates were bone china and not Corelle ®, the cutlery was sterling (or plated) rather than stainless, and the stemware was Baccarat instead of Pier One glassware.

The first time, they were happy and secretly relieved. This time they were happy and cognizant of how lucky they were.

They made love a second time. Afterward, as she slept in his arms, he thought of their life together, of their children. Two years ago, he had hoped that "yours" and "mine" would become "ours" and it had happened. Two years ago, he had no idea that "ours" would grow by one little girl.

They had become a family.

In a few weeks, the family would change. Deborah would bring someone else into the circle, but also take part of herself out of the circle, to become part of Tom's family, and to make a new family with Tom, and someday, God willing, their children. Someday, Derrick would find love, and, in turn, so would Paddy, Caitlin, and Dansha.

"_Don't forget about us. We're all in this together."_

"Good night, Danny. Good night, Alicia."

_Danny and Alicia looked at the five children playing with Pistol and the newly healthy pit bulls at Rainbow Bridge._

"_I think the kids are okay for a while," Danny said as he pulled Alicia toward Cassiopeia's Chair and began to dance circles around her._


	14. Mama Mia

**Mama Mia**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC

AU; total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult –

Spoilers through end of series

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

----------------------------

_Sunday December 27, 2015; Berkeley, CA late afternoon_

"Okay, let me just fix this a little right under here - ".

Deborah Reeves lifted her left arm as Hank made his adjustment. She didn't feel as if the bodice of her mother's wedding dress fit any different than it had a minute earlier, but then the man kneeling at her side was the expert.

Hank stood up and walked around the bride.

"You did fine, Deborah! You may have gained two pounds since October, but you had the good sense to add them somewhere below your hip line. Wait, let me get this thread; now, you're perfect!" He smiled at the young woman. "Now for the veil."

Deborah's matron of honor (her roommate Lori from Miami of Ohio) opened the door to the dressing area and called for the photographer.

"CJ? Aunt Gwen?"

Deborah's aunt and her stepmother lifted the pouf of lace and netting with its seeded pearl tiara and cathedral train from the box and gently placed it on top of Deborah's hair. The click of the photographer's camera indicated that the moment was captured on disk.

"Oh, baby!" Gwen wiped away a tear.

"Honey, you look beautiful!" CJ smiled at her stepdaughter. "Tom will be so bowled over at the sight of you coming down the aisle toward him."

More pictures were taken. Lori slipped the blue garter onto Deborah's right thigh. Click. Tom's sister Tracy slipped an old penny into Deborah's shoe. Click. Gwen fastened Bernice's mother's pearls around Deborah's neck. Click. CJ fastened a new pearl bracelet on her stepdaughter's wrist. Click.

Deborah posed with her attendants – Lori, Tracy, her cousin Kylie – and flower girls Tessa (Tom's niece, who was Paddy's age) and Caitlin. The older attendants were in evergreen satin, and carried bouquets of small white and red poinsettias. Caitlin and Tessa's dresses had an evergreen bodice with a burgundy and evergreen plaid skirt; their little baskets held white and red poinsettia leaves.

Then, there was a knock on the door.

"It's showtime!" Ellen, the church's wedding coordinator smiled at the women.

With final kisses, everyone left the room except Deborah.

Out in the vestibule, CJ smiled at the sight of her men – Paul, Derrick, and Paddy – in their inky black tuxedoes.

"Granddad?"

Derrick led Joe to his place in the front row on the left hand side of the church and returned to the rear of the church.

CJ went up to Paul and kissed the side of his face.

"Are you ready to do this?"

Paul let out a deep sigh. "Yes."

"Remember, anytime you need to, just look at me. I love you, darling." CJ pushed her husband toward the dressing room door.

Deborah lifted her head at the knock.

"May I come in?"

Given permission, Paul opened the door.

"Oh, baby!"

Her hair was different, skimming along her shoulders rather than up in a French twist, but other than that, she looked exactly like the pictures that sat on the living room credenza of the house in Kensington. She looked exactly liked the memories burned into his mind.

Paul put his arms on Deborah's shoulders, held her lightly against him, careful not to disturb her hair. Hot tears burned against his eyelids. "Oh, Lissy," he said to presence he felt in the room. "She's so much like you! I know I tried and tried, but I don't think I ever was able to tell you how much I treasured the sight of you that day, how much deeper I fell in love with you when those doors opened and I saw you on your father's arm. I just wish you could be here with us today."

_Alicia kissed her husband. "I'm here, my love."_

_Then she brushed her lips gently over Paul's forehead. "We did good work, didn't we, darling? And you, especially, these past nine years. Deborah's all I could have hoped for. Derrick too. I'm so glad you have CJ and her children and that baby; she's good for you."_

Out in the vestibule, Ellen was directing the rest of the wedding party. "Okay, time for the groom's parents."

Kim escorted his mother-in-law, looking lovely in violet, to the front row on the groom's side.

CJ did a final inspection of Paddy and Caitlin.

"Now do it just like we practiced. Do what Miss Ellen says."

"Ladies?" Derrick offered one arm to CJ, the other to Gwen, and took them down the aisle, with his uncle Ned trailing behind them.

After a brief hush, Tom, his best man, and the senior minister came out to the altar.

The organist began playing Pachibel's "Canon in D Major" as first the ushers and then the bridal attendants (after a last minute inspection by Hank) came down the aisle.

Paddy carried the pillow with two (fake) rings as if he were bearing the Holy Grail.

Tessa and Caitlin scattered their petals on the white runner. Caitlin had developed a three year-old's crush on six year-old Tessa and imitated the older flower girl (except that Caitlin's "scattering" was a bit less gentle.)

The rear doors closed; the organ began its voluntary and the strains of Wagner's wedding march sounded through the church. The doors opened; Deborah and Paul stepped into view.

As everyone stood and faced the back of the church, CJ could hear the soft sniffling from Gwen and the choked back breathing of Joe. She knew that their memories were bittersweet.

_Much later that evening_

"I've got the lock."

CJ turned around and set the deadbolt on the kitchen door with her right hand while holding Dansha in her left.

"I'll see you in the morning. CJ, everything was wonderful." Derrick was holding Paddy against him. The boy's arms were around Derrick's neck, his legs around Derrick's waist.

"Good night, son." Paul held a slumbering Caitlin in his arms.

CJ had changed Dansha and was setting her in the crib when Paul slipped into the bedroom.

CJ looked up and smiled at her husband. "Caitlin's okay?"

"Sound asleep. And this one?"

"The same."

CJ went to the bath and closed the door.

Paul smiled as he slipped off his tuxedo jacket, his shoes, and his socks. After so many years, did she still think he didn't recognize the sound of her using the toilet?

Paul turned the bedside lamp on dim and turned off the other lights.

His little girl was married. He had witnessed her vows, had clapped with the others when the couple had jumped the broom (although he wasn't sure he liked the reminder of slavery), had danced the ritual waltz with her, had kissed her and hugged Tom as they drove off, still in their wedding finery, for the small bed and breakfast where they would spend their first night as husband and wife before flying back to Alaska tomorrow. Yesterday, he had told his daughter that every bride and groom, no matter how virginal, no matter how experienced, were starting a new journey together. He told her to be happy and to make her husband happy.

The reception had been perfect, thanks to his wife. Other than family, it was mostly Derrick and Deborah's friends. There were a few people from Berkeley and from the Theological Union, Sam and Morgan, Hank, Steve and their children, Lee and Dottie Hotchkiss.

CJ came back into the room and smiled at the sight of her husband sitting in the large overstuffed easy chair. He smiled back and held out a hand to her, pulling her onto his lap. He thanked her for everything she had done for Deborah.

"_I thank you, too, CJ," Alicia said. _

_She, Danny, and the children had enjoyed the wedding reception also. Danielle and Leslie looked radiant in their junior bridesmaid dresses, a slightly less adult version of the ones worn by the other young women. Of course, Danny thought they were wearing a slightly more grown up version of the dresses worn by Caitlin and Tessa. Danny, Theo, Cosmas, and Damian were resplendent in their tuxedos. Even Pistol wore a black silk collar. Alicia's aquamarine strapless sheath blended perfectly with CJ's Armani. Bernice was pleased to see her daughter in a dress, but felt that "The mother of the bride really should have covered shoulders, dear." Well, between her mother and her grandmothers, there were plenty of covered shoulders and arms._

_Right before the bride and groom were rushed to their getaway car, she reached down and kissed Deborah. She wasn't sure, but she thought that Deborah reacted as to a familiar scent._

"You're okay?" CJ asked in between the kisses they shared.

"And why wouldn't I be?"

"Your little girl; married; with Tom tonight. In nine months, you could be a grandfather."

"As long as I'm married to this sexy grandmother." His lips trailed to her shoulder as his right hand reached under her dress; the bare legs indicated that she had taken off her pantyhose. His lips moved to her breast as his hand reached the top of her thighs; she had also removed her underwear.

She whimpered aloud as he circled her core. They froze as the whimper was echoed by the baby in the crib, then resumed their activity when Dansha quieted.

"_Keep your back to them," Danny said as he and Alicia stroked the little girl's head._

Paul put furniture rearranging at the top of his to-do list for tomorrow.

_Monday, December 28, 2015; 8:00 PM PDT; San Francisco, CA_

Derrick's phone began ringing as soon as he took the key out of his apartment door. Recognizing the number as that of the family he had just left about thirty-five minutes ago, he said "Hey, there."

"Derrick, I wanted to let you know that you left your black suit here," CJ told her stepson. "Will you need it this week?"

"No. I've got my charcoal for tomorrow and my navy for Wednesday. Thursday is quasi-casual, being New Year's Eve. I can wear my camel blazer and burgundy slacks. I'll just pick it up when I come over Friday afternoon to watch the games with Dad and Paddy. But thanks for checking."

"Well, if it becomes an issue, let us know. Your father or I can run over with it. One of the many nice things about working for the university."

"I know; I'm envious. I appreciate you caring, CJ. By the way, did Dad get the shower fixed?"

"No; the part needs to be shipped in; it'll get here Thursday. So the two of you can bond over fixing the diverter in between football games."

Paddy had managed to break the water diverter in the communal tub; until the faucet was replaced, it was baths only in that tub.

"Or maybe Saturday; let's make sure that my handiwork with the crib holds up before I tackle any more projects for you."

Earlier in the day, Derrick had helped his father dismantle the day bed that Deborah had used; they stored it in the garage. Then the men moved Dansha's crib and other things into the room with Caitlin. Derrick couldn't help but notice that his father seemed fairly happy as the master bedroom became a sleeping place for two instead of three.

"Well, so far, so good. Caitlin's really excited about being the 'bigger girl' in the room. Thank you again for helping. I really didn't want your father to do it alone and my back still hurts from all the dancing last night."

"I was glad to do it. Well, I'd best get prepared for tomorrow."

"Well, get some rest. G'night, Derrick."

"Night, Mama. Love you." Derrick hung up the phone.

Where did **that** come from? CJ wondered. Once or twice, Derrick had called her "Mo-THER", but in a teasing voice. There was no sense of that on the phone tonight. Probably just subconscious, she thought. The guy does spend an awful lot of time with Paddy.

_7:30 PM AST; Fairbanks, AK; apartment of Tom and Deborah Reeves Jefferson_

The door to the apartment opened just as Tom, Deborah, and Harry Groh, a fellow resident at the hospital and a neighbor, reached it. A petite redhead walked into the hallway.

"Hi, I'm Letty, born Loretta, Harry's wife. You better be Deborah. Congratulations and much happiness." She reached up to hug Deborah, who had set down the bag she was carrying. "In a few days, we can talk more, but I think the two of you have other plans for a while."

Harry, who had picked up the newlyweds at the airport, and Tom carried the luggage through the apartment door.

Deborah yawned. Her wedding night was everything she could have hoped for, but they had to get up early this morning to catch a 10:30 flight out of Oakland to Seattle, where they had a three hour wait between planes. ("The flight that leaves Oakland at 12:30 would only give us forty-five minutes between planes. I don't want to chance it," Tom told her.) Kim and Tracy had taken them to the airport. Derrick had offered, saying that he was more familiar with the route, but being taken to the airport by his new bride's brother was only slightly better than being chauffeured by her father.

Deborah thanked the other woman and started to enter the apartment when Tom stopped her.

"Oh, no, you don't."

He reached down, picked her up, and carried her across the threshold as the Groh's headed toward the elevator and their own place.

Letty had done her job well. There were candles on the dining room table; it was set with the china, silver, and crystal Deborah had inherited from her mother and with some of the linens Deborah had chosen and guests had sent ahead to Alaska. A crock-pot held beef bourguignon; salad plates held some precious romaine and avocado salad. There was a bottle of burgundy; champagne was chilling in an ice bucket next to a small white cake decorated as if it was meant to sit on top of a multi-tiered wedding masterpiece.

"Shall we dine, Mrs. Jefferson?" Tom led Deborah to the table and seated her.

For the first time as wife, Deborah ladled the rich stew onto her husband's plate and served herself.

Afterward, they moved toward the bedroom, where they could see a room lit by dozens of electric flickering candles.

"Wait!"

Deborah grabbed her smaller suitcase. She thought back to two days earlier.

Her father had come into her room carrying a beautifully decorated box. After talking with her more frankly than she could ever have imagined about married life and married sex, he told her that she and Tom should open the box when they got to the apartment where they would live together.

"Daddy gave me this for us."

She pulled on the silvery ribbons and removed the white and silver paper. She recognized the name on the box. It was the lingerie shop in Union Square where her father bought things for CJ.

She thought back eight days, when, for the last time, she and her father had gone to lunch and to shop for Christmas. He had taken her one more time to Commander's Palace.

They lingered over coffee, neither of them really wanting to leave the table.

"I'm going to miss this, baby," Paul told his daughter.

"I know, but before you know it, Caitlin will be old enough, and then Danish. You'll be taking a daughter to lunch at Christmas again, Daddy."

"But not with you, Deborah, not with you." Paul's voice choked just a little on the words.

Deborah lifted the lid from the box. There was an unsigned note on top of the tissue.

"Your mother would want you to have this."

The first piece of silk and lace that Deborah lifted from the tissue was a camisole, in brilliant tomato red, followed by a matching pair of tap pants.

There was still some redness in the box. When unfolded, it became a pair of men's silk pajama bottoms.

Deborah thought of all the things her father had given her - life, love, security, praise, encouragement, direction, two spankings when she needed them, practical knowledge like how to hammer a nail in straight, how to start a screw, how to throw a ball, how to use her knees to defend herself. She thought about the first man to treat her like a lady, to instill in her that she deserved to be treated like a lady. Her father's latest lesson had been how to be a wife, a lover, and this gift was his graduation present to her.

Tom picked up the package and led Deborah down the hall.

"You use the bathroom." He pushed his wife toward the smaller space.

After he changed into the sleepwear with its implicit blessing with which his father-in-law had gifted him, Tom turned the thermostat up to seventy-five degrees. He had promised the man that he would keep Deborah safe and secure; keeping her warm was part of that promise.

_The next morning; law offices of Milligan, Landry, Demos, and Howell; San Francisco_

The intercom on Derrick's phone buzzed.

"Derrick Reeves."

"Derrick, this is Betty Lyons. Could you please come to Mr. Milligan's office?"

"I'll be right there, Betty." After a stop in the bathroom.

Derrick checked his hair and slipped an Altoid into his mouth before grabbing his portfolio and heading out of the cubbyhole that was his workstation. During his detour into the men's room, he checked his appearance again in the full-length mirror.

When he reached the area of the office where the senior partners were housed, Betty smiled at him and told him to go right into Chester Milligan's office. However, Derrick knocked lightly and waited for permission to enter.

At the "Come in!" he opened the door and saw Mr. Milligan with Barry Demos. Also in the room were Jamie Cleveland and Franklin Hollis.

Something with the Hollis Foundation consultation project, Derrick realized, but wondered why Mr. Milligan was involved. The project was important, but Barry was an extremely competent attorney and everything seemed to be going smoothly; there was no need to have two senior partners on the task.

Two hours later, Derrick was back in his pitiful excuse for an office, totally stunned. Franklin Hollis, the Hollis Foundation legal staff, and the other Foundation team members with whom Barry and Derrick had been working were extremely impressed by Derrick, so much so that Mr. Hollis and Ms. Cleveland had approached Mr. Milligan and Barry for permission to offer a position to Derrick. Would Derrick be interested in working with them in San Luis Obispo? The money would be about three percent less, but the cost of living index in San Luis Obispo was thirteen percent less than it was in San Francisco, and the Hollis Foundation offered better health and retirement benefits. In terms of legal training, other than criminal law, his exposure and training would be comparable to that he was receiving at Milligan, Landry. Yes, by all means, take a day to discuss this with your parents.

"Hell, take two", Franklin Hollis said, "let us know on Monday after the weekend. Now, why don't the five of us go out to the Wharf for lunch? I haven't been to Alioto's in at least five years."

"Derrick?"

He looked up to see Barry in his doorway. The older man came in, shut the door, and sat down.

"I take it you're a bit overwhelmed by all this."

Derrick allowed as he was. Derrick told Barry that he was concerned. Was the firm really willing to let him pursue this opportunity, did they not mind the time and money they had spent on training him? Or worse, were they glad to see him go, was it making a potentially sticky situation easier for the firm?

"Derrick," Barry laughed easily. "The Hollis people don't go around hiring new penny lawyers; the fact that they want you is _prima facie_ evidence of how extraordinary a lawyer you will be, how good a lawyer you already are. Losing you will leave a big hole in our firm, but we cannot in good faith hold you to a contract when such an opportunity has been presented to you. Plus, it never hurts for us to have someone like Franklin Hollis beholden to us," the man laughed again.

"And another thing, I think you'll be much happier in that setting. You won't be dealing with the posturing and positioning that you find disturbing."

"Barry, I'm not afraid of a fight, I'm not a chick -".

"Derrick, that's not what I meant. Chet, Billy Landry, Mer edith Howell, the other partners, we all know that you are a damned hard worker. But we also know that you don't like some of the tricks and games that some of the other first years and younger associates feel is a 'major job requirement' of succeeding here. As a matter of fact, and please, no matter your decision, please keep this close to your vest, we intend to do something about it.

"By all means, talk with your family; I'm forty-seven and I still ask my dad for his advice. But, and I say this as someone who will miss you very much, I think this is a chance of a lifetime for you."

"If I say 'yes', what about the timing? I'm doing so much work for Consuelo Grammatica on the Bessinger tax fight, not to mention helping Brad Owens on the Fraley murder trial?"

"I think we could get Meg and Nathan up to speed on those things in three weeks. That's the time frame that Chet and I discussed with Frank and Jamie."

"Barry, I don't know how to thank-"

"Hey, Derrick." The door opened and a thirtyish man, looking a very young Dustin Hoffman portraying a very young Carl Bernstein, walked into the office with his nose buried in a sheaf of papers. "I think you may be on to something here. Can we work a bit this evening, pick apart this deposition? Oh, excuse me, Barry."

"That's okay, Brad, I was just leaving."

"Sorry, it's just that we may have caught a big break here. Derrick found something funny in the detective's write-up; you know, the one we all think is framing Harry Fraley."

"Well, you guys get the bastard, then."

_7:15 PM, Kensington CA; home of CJ and Paul Reeves_

"Sweetheart, Derrick just called. He'd like to come over for a bit tonight, says he has something he needs to talk about. He thinks he'll get here about nine, nine-thirty. He wants to make sure Paddy's not up; doesn't want a scene when he leaves. I told him that Paddy was totally worn out from the hiking trip today and is already sacked out, so let's try not to wake him."

"Well, considering that until twenty seconds ago, my plans for the evening involved some warm dark chocolate fudge sauce and a naked husband, I don't think that waking Paddy was part of the plan."

"Don't change those plans, just delay them for a bit."

Paul loved the almost year old daughter he and CJ had made very dearly, but he was enjoying not having said daughter sleeping ten feet from his marriage bed.

_About two hours later_

"Don't tell me you're not hungry, Derrick, I heard your stomach growling when you hugged me. It'll take me all of five minutes to fix a plate and nuke it."

CJ put some leftover meatloaf, green beans, rice, and gravy on a plate, covered it with plastic wrap, and set it in the microwave. She poured two glasses of milk and set them in front of her husband and her stepson, and put the plastic container of Christmas cookies on the table. When the microwave sounded, she put the plate in front of Derrick.

"I'll leave the two of you to your discussion."

"No, please stay, CJ," Derrick stopped her. "I'd like your input also."

But for the next three minutes, there was only silence as Derrick inhaled the food on his plate.

"I'm sorry," the young man finally spoke. "I guess I was hungrier than I thought."

"I had eight years of late night take-out," CJ said. "I know what it's like."

"Well, that's some of the best meatloaf I've ever had."

"It was Danny's mother's recipe. Erin made when Paddy was born. Danny raved about it, said he hadn't had meatloaf like that since high school. So of course, I asked her how to make it."

Derrick told them of the events of the day.

"So, what do I do? Dad, I know you told me that I had to give it time, had to adjust to the working world. I don't want you to think of me as a quitter."

CJ literally bit her tongue to keep from remonstrating her husband for giving Derrick the impression that the young man had to stay in an impossible situation.

"Derrick, forgive me if that's the impression I've been giving you. I know you wouldn't run away from a tough situation. I just wanted you to give it time. But this isn't running away; this is taking an opportunity. The Chet Milligan I remember from some thirty years ago would definitely be proud that someone like Frank Hollis wanted one of his protégés."

"Derrick," CJ chimed in, "Frank Hollis did not get where he is today by surrounding himself with 'quitters', as you put it. Yes, he is a very 'work and life in balance' employer – Sarita's influence, I'm sure – but he picks people who can succeed."

"What about Paddy? I won't be just across the bay anymore. He really had a great time when you guys let him spend the weekend with me at the beginning of the month, was looking forward to doing it again. And the two of you; with Deborah gone, I was planning on being of more help."

"You don't walk away from something like this because of a first-grader's emotions," CJ answered, "except maybe for your own child. Paddy is a child; you are a man. Your father and I will take care of him. And for that matter, we don't want you, even if you stay here, to feel you have to help us. We're your parents, but we're not decrepit! Back to Paddy, we can always let him fly down to see you if you would want his company. And not for nothing, but I know that Charlie Young is extremely happy at Harvard, wouldn't be in a traditional law firm for all the money in the world."

"Well, after talking it out with the two of you, I'm going to tell Mr. Milligan tomorrow that I'm accepting the Hollis offer." Derrick yawned. "Sorry, I guess I'm more tired than I thought. I better get going."

"Derrick, you're in no shape to drive home tonight," Paul told his son. "Stay the night."

"I need to be at work first thing tomorrow. It'll be a big day, not just because of the Hollis thing. This is deep secret, but Brad and I have found conclusive evidence that Harry Fraley is being framed for murder."

"So you get up a little earlier here."

"I'd have to get up quite a bit earlier, so I could get home first and change. You wouldn't believe it; sometimes I think I'm back in high school. So much scuttlebutt and carping about who's wearing what. And the girls, excuse me, the women, are worse on each other than they are on themselves. Dana Syracuse, she's pregnant, apparently only has two maternity suits, and alternates them. To hear some of the others get so catty about it -", Derrick left the sentence unfinished.

"I'm well aware how much a good maternity suit costs," CJ told Derrick. "Remember, you left your black suit here. Let me check it for spots, press the pants for you. You can borrow a shirt, tie, and underwear from your father. And you can use **my** razor." She stuck out her tongue at her husband, who just laughed.

"Okay; it'll work. Thank you both."

A few minutes later, the three of them were standing outside the room that Derrick and Paddy shared. After more insisting on CJ's part, Derrick crept into the room and fetched the black suit.

"Here you go."

Derrick and Paul exchanged one-armed hugs.

"Good night, Dad."

Derrick kissed CJ's cheek.

"Night, Mama."

Paul went to check the locks. When he reached the master bedroom, CJ was at the ironing board, steaming the seams of Derrick's suit pants.

"Just a minor spill, I was able to get it out," she said. Then she set down the iron and looked at her husband. "He called me 'Mama', just then. He did the same thing yesterday."

"Sweetheart, I don't think he meant it snidely; I'm sure it was said with affection. Please don't be bothered by it."

"I'm not! I know he wasn't being a smart ass. For one thing, that's not his style; for another, I doubt you'd allow it. It was just – surprising, I guess."

"I don't see why. You insisted that he eat, you heated up food for him. You're pressing his suit. I'm sure you've already set your cell to get up early, to make sure he gets up. I'm sure you're going to try to make him breakfast tomorrow."

"Well, of course I'm setting an alarm. Remember, he'll have to use our shower!" CJ spritzed the pressed garments with Febreze ®, walked to the closet, and hung the pieces on the edge of the door.

"And you had an interesting conversation with Frank Hollis, didn't you?"

"I don't know what you mean?" CJ held up one of Paul's shirts and one of his ties, put aside the tie, and picked up a second one.

"Claudia Jean."

"As I said earlier, as Derrick's mentor said, Franklin Hollis did not get where he is by being a fool. Did I mention to Frank how impressed Derrick was by the Foundation, by the people he met, by the corporate culture, the mission? I plead guilty. Did I happen to say in passing how much Derrick enjoyed the work he was doing for the Foundation? Of course, I did! For God's sake, that's what a mother do – es." She trailed off the last word at the sight of the smile on Paul's face.

"I'd do it again, Paul, even if you're concerned about it."

"Sweetheart, I'm not concerned. You may have given Derrick an edge, but he had to prove himself to be considered for this offer. He'll have to continue to prove himself worthy of it.

"Now, back to his calling you 'Mama', I - ".

"Does it upset you?" CJ asked her husband.

"Now why would I be upset because my wife cares for my children, loves my children, as much as she does her own?"

"But I'm not his mother; Alicia is. I wondered if it might bother you?"

"Does it bother you that Danny's children call me 'Papa', sweetheart?"

"No, but that's different; they're so young. Caitlin will have no memory of Danny other than what we tell her._ ("Oh, CJ, how little you know!" Danny softly told her.) _And there is no way I would let Paddy call you simply by your first name. Danny would turn over in his grave. _("And after my ashes managed that, I'd come down there and make sure he didn't do it twice! I'm still not used to the boys calling everyone by their first names up here, and it's been almost three years.")_ He was such a stickler for respect for one's elders – just ask Ash about the two days we spent with the Bartlet's back in '09."

"You know, sweetheart, if things had gone differently between us, we hopefully would have had children Derrick and Deborah's age, maybe even older. It's not that much different, really."

"Do you think Alicia would mind?"

"_Would I mind? Girl, you have done a wonderful job with my two. I am so grateful for you talking with your friends, for getting my baby out of that office. Besides, it's not 'Mom' that he's calling you." Alicia thought she felt a tear in her throat but couldn't be sure._

"No." By this time, Paul had stripped down to his boxers. "Now, as I recall, you had some plans for this." He held up the jar of fudge sauce.

CJ smiled, lifted her blouse with the built-in bra over her head, and dropped her skirt. She hadn't thought to put on underpants when Paul told her of Derrick's intention to visit.

_Wednesday December 30, 2015: 6:15 AM_

Paul had awakened when CJ's phone alarm went off, but he remained in bed as she got up and pulled on a robe.

"Here." CJ handed her husband a pair of pajama bottoms.

"I'm supposed to put these on?"

"Paul, Derrick is going to have to come in here to shower." She glanced at his nude torso. "If he sees you like that, he'll know that we - "

Paul laughed. He didn't think that putting on something would manage to hoodwink his son into thinking that nothing happened in this bed, but this was one issue he didn't want to "discuss", at least not this early in the morning.

CJ left the door open and he heard her softly open the one to the guys' room and her murmuring to Derrick.

A few minutes later, there was a knock on the open door.

"Dad?"

"Come on in."

As Derrick walked in, Paul saw him stop, saw Derrick's nostrils twitch, saw him realize that the odor was the after-effect of sexual activity, saw him try to act as if he had noticed nothing, saw him fail in the attempt, and finally saw his son blush.

Paul stood up and walked toward the closet; his demeanor projected that there was nothing about which for either of them to be embarrassed.

"She picked out a shirt and tie, but if you want something different - ". Paul indicated that Derrick should feel free to take any of the shirts and ties hanging in the closet.

"No, that's fine, I trust CJ's taste."

CJ, not "Mama". Maybe it was a one-time thing.

Then Paul noticed Derrick's eyes focus on his abdomen, and looked down. There was a smear of dark chocolate against the medium brown of his skin. This time, Paul **did** feel his face turning warm.

Paul turned to the dresser and pointed in turn to the top three drawers. "Shorts, T-shirts, socks."

Paul went into the bathroom. CJ had set out towels and some "sample" sizes of toiletries (as well as one of her razors), but Paul set out a few of his things, in case his son might prefer using them.

"It's all yours."

_Twenty-five minutes later_

"Thanks for everything. I'll call later." Derrick headed toward the table where Paul and CJ were seated, and started to hug the two of them.

"Sit down and eat," CJ told the young man. She pointed toward the other place set at the table.

Derrick looked at the plate of bacon, the basket of English muffins wrapped in a napkin.

"I don't know," he hesitated.

"Derrick."

Derrick figured that even when he was forty, when his father spoke in that quiet but authoritative tone, he would respond to it. Derrick put down the hangers holding yesterday's suit and the bag holding yesterday's shirt, tie, and underwear; he poured a cup of coffee and sat at the table.

"Have some orange juice; you need vitamin C." CJ poured a glass and put it in front of her stepson. "Do you want any eggs?"

"This will be fine; it's more than I usually eat."

"Oh?"

"Well, it's better than I usually eat," Derrick smiled, thinking of the muffins and donuts that accompanied the daily full staff meeting that started at 9:30 and was attended by every staff member not in court or out of the office. He buttered a muffin half and took four slices of bacon.

Finally, at 7:10, Derrick said he really needed to get started. He wanted to talk with Mr. Milligan and with Barry Demos before the staff meeting, in case the men wanted to make any announcements at that time.

"Thank you for everything. Like I said, I'll call later. Love you, Dad. Love you, CJ."

Well, I'm back to "CJ" now, she thought as Paul walked out with Derrick. CJ put the used dishes in the sink and the butter in the refrigerator.

"Those can wait; let's go back to bed."

Paul came up behind CJ, put his arms around her waist and his lips to the side of her neck.

_A few hours later; law offices of Milligan, Landry, Demos, and Howell; San Francisco_

Derrick thought reflected on the events of his morning.

When he walked into the bedroom this morning, the scent first took him back to his childhood. He remembered knocking on the door, being given permission to enter (sometimes right away, sometimes after fifteen seconds or so), and then jumping on the bed to join his parents. Sometimes Deborah was already in the room; sometimes she joined them after Derrick was already in the room. A nanosecond later, he recognized the odor for what it was, and realized that the times when he was given permission to enter immediately correlated quite closely with the times that Deborah was already in the room.

Derrick had been well aware that his father and CJ had a passionate and active love life, but this was proof positive.

Maybe it was the intensity of the traces of semen in the air this morning. Save the occasional time when he resorted to self-release, Derrick had never smelled anything that strong except for the morning after he had accidently spilled the contents of the Torjan he had removed following lovemaking.

Then the reality hit him; except for his own hand, Derrick Reeves had always ejaculated into a condom.

It became the ultimate embodiment of what he realized he wanted, what he realized he was ready for. He wanted to love, to be with, to adore one woman. He wanted to wake up with one woman day after day. He wanted to share a dresser with one woman, to see his T-shirts nested up against bras, his boxers sharing space with panties, his socks side by side with pantyhose, the way his father's things were. He wanted someone with whom he could be exclusive, someone with whom, after taking the tests, waiting, and taking the tests again, he could be truly and totally intimate. He wanted someone with whom he could have children, God willing.

Derrick decided that when he moved to San Luis Obispo, his life would undergo a major change. No longer did he want a woman to date, a woman with whom to have fun and to have sex; Derrick decided that he wanted a wife. Let the quest begin.

San Luis Obispo. This morning, he told Chet Milligan and Barry that he had decided to take the Hollis offer, then called Frank Hollis from Mr. Milligan's office. The senior partners asked him not to say anything to his colleagues. They wanted to let the other senior partners know first; Mer edith Howell was _incommunicado_ at some health spa for the week. They would like to make the announcement at Monday's staff meeting. After some more discussion, the older men shook Derrick's hand and he returned to his office to prepare for the showdown that he and Brad would be having with the DA this afternoon.

His phone rang. It was the inside ring, so he knew that the call had come through the switchboard.

"Derrick Reeves."

"Hey, Derrick, this is Charlie Young."

Charlie told Derrick that CJ had called earlier, explained the situation, and had asked Charlie to talk with Derrick about what it was like to work in the legal office of a major institution. Charlie told him that it was the best of all worlds. The cases were interesting, the litigation important. At times, the work required longer nights, but there was much more time to be with family, to pursue other interests. And there was no push for "billable hours". It was sometimes tricky, treading the path between line and staff authority, but "Trust me, Derrick, do this."

Derrick thanked Charlie, swore him to secrecy, and told him that he had accepted the offer. And, no, he was not upset with CJ for calling Charlie; that's what mothers do.

_Friday January 1, 2016; Kensington, CA; late afternoon_

CJ came into the family room and set Dansha in the playpen. She told Caitlin, who was holding her hand, to sit quietly on the floor and color. (However, the three year-old climbed up beside Paul and fell asleep.)

CJ watched the football game on the big screen TV and as soon as the referee blew his whistle, she turned to her husband and to Derrick.

"I'm going to pick up Paddy. Watch the girls?" She walked over and kissed Paul lightly.

"Drive safely, sweetheart." Paul reached up and touched her cheek.

"Will do. Can I get you guys anything?"

"I think we're fine. Beer. Wings. Ribs. Can you think of anything, Derrick?"

"We're okay, Mama."

Paul waited for CJ to leave.

"You know, that's the second time I've heard you do that", he remarked conversationally.

"Do what?"

"Call her 'Mama'. You did it Tuesday night, too."

"Did I? I guess it just came out. There are times when I just think of her as – I wasn't being flip, Dad," Derrick hastened to tell his father.

"If I for one second thought you were, boy, do you think this conversation would be this low-key? I figured part of it was Paddy's influence."

"Maybe. Also, she just seems like – does it bother you, Dad?"

"Why would I be bothered because my son shows my second wife love and respect? She just seems like what?"

"She could be my mother. I mean, it's not as if you married someone my age; she's older than Mom would be if – , do you think it's disrespectful to Mom's memory?"

"I'm sure your mother would understand."

_"I do, baby, I do."_

"And she certainly acts like a mother."

"Does that bother you?"

"Being fed, having my clothes pressed and cleaned, no. But -", he bit his lip.

"But what?"

"I'm not stupid, Dad."

"Who said you were?"

"CJ talked with Frank Hollis, didn't she?"

"It's what a mother does. But, remember what she said. **You** are the one that impressed Frank and the others. **You** are the one you will have to prove yourself, not that I doubt you will. All CJ did was let Frank Hollis know that you liked working with the Foundation. It's on par with printing your resume on heavy bond paper, or cream-colored paper; a little something to make you a bit more noticeable."

"Thank you, Dad, that means a lot coming from you. I just- "

"Buyer's remorse?"

"Maybe just a little. I hope that some of the others at the office won't think that I got the job just because of my step-mother, when they find out. I don't want to think that about myself."

"Derrick, do you want this?" At his son's nod, Paul continued, "please don't let false pride keep you from something you want. Believe me, you'll regret it."

"Oh?"

Paul looked sharply at his son. Then he realized that Derrick was not deliberately imitating him, mocking him. Derrick had inherited more than his height and his bone structure; his son had inherited other things as well.

Paul took a breath and began to share something he had barely been able to share with CJ.

"My second year at Berkeley, right before Thanksgiving, CJ got real sick. We didn't know that antibiotics can affect oral contraceptives."

Paul told Derrick about having to wait two weeks because the tests weren't as good back then, told his son that he had started making contingency plans.

"When the test results were negative, we were relieved, but a little part of me was sad. I realized that I did want to marry her, that I should have proposed before we did the test. I should have told her that the test results would decide what degree of flexibility we would have about the actual date of the wedding, but not the fact that I loved her and wanted her in my life. However, my pride got in the way. At the time, I could only afford a small ring, maybe a quarter carat. I decided to wait until I could afford something bigger, something nicer. Afterward, when I was alone in New Haven, I wished - "

"But then you wouldn't have married Mom and Deborah and I wouldn't exist."

"True, at least not the **you** that you are.

"Anyway, I know that you earned this yourself, CJ knows it, and most of all, you know it. So, you're driving down next weekend to look for a place?"

"Actually, they're sending a jet for me."

"I'm impressed."

"To tell the truth, so am I." Derrick heard the sound of a car door slamming. "Look, Paddy's coming; let's change the subject."

Derrick, Paul, and CJ agreed that Derrick should tell Paddy himself and would do it tomorrow.

_Sunday January 2, 2016; 7:30 AM_

As CJ walked out of her bedroom, she could smell the coffee wafting in from the kitchen. Having just left her softly snoring husband, she checked to make sure that her robe was properly fastened.

"Morning, Derrick." She stepped into the kitchen.

"Morning, Mam – CJ." Derrick blushed a little. "I do think of you as my mother," he dipped his head, then raised his eyes to hers. "Is it okay with you? Does it bother you? That it sometimes comes out?"

"Of course, it's okay. I'm glad that you think of me that way because I love you and Deborah as my own. You call me whatever you want."

CJ remembered Donna telling her that she had taken some time to call Josh's mother "Mom", vacillating between "Mom", "Ma'am", and even "Mother Lyman", for almost a year. Josh just started called her father "Pop" and echoing Donna's "Mother".

"Well, there are a few things I'd best not call you, or Dad would probably tell me I'm not too old to be spanked," Derrick laughed as he got up to fetch CJ a cup of coffee and to refill his own.

"No, you aren't," CJ took a swat at the young man as he passed.

_4:15 PM_

Paddy sat in his room, glad to be alone at last. A tear found its way down his left cheek and he hurriedly wiped it away; he reminded himself again that he was not a little kid anymore.

Yesterday afternoon, Derrick had taken him to lunch. And not to a little kid's place like Wendy's; they went to a real grownup restaurant where the waitress asked Derrick if he wanted "something from the bar", a place with televisions showing hockey, basketball, and football games.

"Buddy, I've got something serious to discuss with you." Derrick said when the waitress brought their cheeseburgers and fries, the kind Mama would only let him have once a week.

When Derrick explained about his new job and how much better it would be, Paddy said he understood because that's what a big boy was supposed to do. Then Derrick said that after he found a place to live in San Luis Obispo, Paddy could fly down all by himself for a visit, which made Paddy happy.

Paddy kept understanding for a whole day, but now he needed to be a little kid for just a few minutes, so after Derrick went back to San Francisco, he said he needed to lie down for a bit.

Paddy started at the knock on the door.

"May I come in?"

Mama held a tray with two glasses of milk and a plate of chocolate chip cookies. They smelled fresh-baked.

The two of them sat on the bed; they each ate a cookie and drank some milk in silence.

"You know, Paddy, I'm going to miss Derrick a lot when he moves, but at least he's a lot closer than when he was in Seattle."

Paddy remembered what Derrick had said yesterday afternoon.

"Mama is going to miss me a lot, Paddy. Will you do me a favor and be extra nice to her for me? Will you try to cheer her up?"

"That's okay, Mama. I'm here."


	15. Things Come in Threes

**Things Come in Threes**

CJ/Danny; CJ/OMC; Danny/OFC; other West Wing folks; totally AU and fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult –

Warning – death (but not CJ, Paul, or anyone in their family)

Spoilers through end of series

Note: As of today, you cannot fly directly from Oakland to San Luis Obispo; you need to change planes in LA (or fly out of San Francisco). But, I have eight years to get some airline to change its mind.

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

_March 18, 2016; Oakland International Airport; Oakland, CA_

"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. In a few minutes, Flight 5634 to San Luis Obispo will be ready for general boarding. Right now, I would like to pre-board any children traveling alone and anyone who might need some extra help in boarding."

CJ stood up and held out her hand to Paddy.

"That's you, sweetie." CJ reached her other hand for Paddy's little carry-on bag.

"No, Mama, you're a lady. Gentlemen help ladies, not the other way around. Papa said so." Paddy grabbed the handle.

Her first baby was growing up, about to take his first trip alone, to visit with Derrick for the weekend.

CJ handed Paddy's ticket folder to the gate attendant.

"Thank you, Mrs. Concannon, excuse me, Mrs. Reeves," the woman double-checked the paper work. "Unless we get a huge influx of last minute passengers, Paddy should be alone in his row. Would you like to go on the plane with your son, get him settled?"

Before CJ could answer, Paddy spoke up.

"I'll be okay, Mama. Remember, I'm in first grade."

He looked so earnest. Then he smiled and she saw Danny in his face. She knelt down in front of him.

"Okay. Now, you do whatever the flight attendants on the plane tell you to do. When the plane gets to San Luis Obispo, you stay in your seat until someone takes you to Derrick. And if anything happens, you have Papa's phone, you call us."

"Yes, Mama." He reached over to give her a hug. "See you Sunday night." Then he turned and followed the airline service rep down the jet way, rolling his little bag behind him. When he reached the bend, he turned around and waved.

CJ waited in the boarding area while the others were boarded and the plane left the gate. Ten minutes later, the man at the desk told her that the plane had safely taken off and that she could leave the airport. She pulled out her phone and called Derrick to let him know that his brother was on his way.

"I'm on my way. We'll call when I have him in my custody."

"Remember, you have to show ID."

"Yes, Mama," Derrick laughed. "Now call Dad and let him know you're on your way home."

CJ next dialed the house, but the line was busy.

She tried again as she waited to pay the parking attendant. This time the line went unanswered. She guessed that her husband was busy with the girls and set her phone for the hands-free option. However, it did not ring on the thirty-five minute trip to Kensington.

CJ pulled into the garage and walked into the kitchen. Paul was seated at the table, but he rose as she entered the room.

"I tried to call, but the first the line was busy and then there was no answer? The girls?" She looked around, neither seeing nor hearing her daughters.

"I took Caitlin and Dansha over to Lee and Dottie's," Paul said as he put his arms around CJ and kissed her.

As CJ returned his embrace and his kiss, she thought again how lucky she was to have such a romantic and such a virile husband. God be thanked, they had no need of little blue pills (although she was sure that if and when that day came, neither she nor Paul would have a problem with using the help of modern medicine to maintain the sex life both of them desired.)

"Well, I think we should wait until we hear from Derrick and Paddy, so let's just neck for a while. It shouldn't be too much longer," CJ moved her mouth to Paul's ear and began to circle it with her tongue.

"Sweetheart, let's go sit." Paul gently moved away from her and led her into the family room. There was no good way to deliver bad news.

"CJ, I mentioned that Carol called. She waited in the office for confirmation."

After the end of the Santos administration, Carol had stayed home for a while, but she recently returned to work and had a civil service position with the National Park Service.

"Ben Dryer is dead. There was an avalanche in Denali. Seven park rangers got caught in it. They were able to rescue four of them. Ben and two others weren't able to make air pockets."

Paul sat down on the couch, pulling CJ with him. He held her as she wept for the outdoorsman who had played an important part in her life.

It in no way compared to the way she cried for Danny, but Paul knew that CJ cared for Ben and that her grief was real.

He couldn't help from thinking about his own possible death; who would be there for his CJ, to hold her as she wept for him? Derrick, of course, but Derrick would be grieving himself. Randy and Mitch, of course, and Josh Lyman and Frank Muñoz would be there for her. He made a note to make some additions to the envelope sitting in his study drawer.

But for now, he just held her and stroked her hair, occasionally kissing the top of her head and she wept for her former boyfriend.

The phone rang. Paddy had arrived and had just been turned over to Derrick. The two of them were going to Derrick's condo for a swim in the heated pool; then they would head over to Applebee's for supper. Paul told Paddy that Mama couldn't come to the phone right now and that she might call later. He then told Derrick about the news from Alaska and asked his older son to distract the younger boy.

Her sobs halting, CJ asked if Carol had said anything else about Ben.

"There's a memorial service Monday. His instructions were for cremation and scattering in Yosemite, but Ben's mother wants the body brought back home and a burial."

"I should call Mrs. Dryer; convince her to do what Ben wanted."

"_Yes, please, someone talk to my mother!" Ben yelled. Outside of the actual dying part – being smothered and all – not having his wishes followed was the only bad thing about the whole mess. Ben exchanged stories about CJ with Simon, scaled a mountain on Jupiter, and took photos of Ursa Major and Ursa Minor. Someone told him that there was a lot of interesting flora on Neptune_.

"I think Ben's manager is going to take care of that, sweetheart, but if you want to call - "

"Well, maybe not, maybe I'll just write a note. We didn't get along all that well."

"Whatever you think best, sweetheart."

Paul continued to stroke her hair, continued to press kisses on that hair.

CJ's accepted her husband's calming efforts. She began to respond to him, at first just lightly kissing his neck. But soon, her kisses became more ardent and reached his mouth. CJ straddled Paul's thighs, her mouth bruising his. Her hands began to reach under his knit shirt.

Paul knew that he had to act decisively or risk having to deal with his wife on either a somewhat restrictive couch or a somewhat thin carpet. He pushed her to the side and stood up, pulling her to her feet with him.

CJ threw her arms around Paul's neck and resumed her assault on his mouth. As he put one arm under her fanny, she lifted her leg to his hip. In fifteen seconds, both his arms were under her and both her legs where wrapped around his waist. Paul prayed to the unknown saint for back problems (Maybe St. Christopher, he thought. After all, the man did carry the Christ Child.) and walked to the bedroom.

Unlike that time two years earlier, he knew what CJ wanted, what CJ needed. There was no need for her to whisper crude or earthy terms in his ear. When the time came, he held back only enough to insure that he didn't hurt her.

Afterward, as she drifted off to sleep, encased in the comfort of his arms, her head on his chest, she murmured, "Need to send flowers."

"It's okay. I called Deborah. She'll handle it for us."

The mention of Deborah's name, his earlier conversation with his daughter, and what had just occurred between himself and his wife, combined to bring back memories to Paul's mind.

'You know, Daddy, a year ago, even a few months ago, I wouldn't have understood how you could be so understanding, so secure, in her mourning for someone in her past. You were right – well, you usually are – taking vows, making promises in front of God, our families, and our friends, **does** somehow make a difference. Listen, I'll take care of the flowers and, if I can manage it, I'll go to the service for CJ. Now, is there someone to take the girls for a while? Andrew Greeley talks about the deep-seated need to respond to death with the ultimate life-affirming act and if that happens, the two of you don't need them around."

Paul would have thought of it himself, but he was pleased at Deborah's insight and sensitivity. Apparently, his talk with her the day before her wedding had taken root. Paul usually gave this talk to an engaged couple together, but he knew he couldn't talk with his daughter about sex in the context of marriage with his future son-in-law in the same room, so he talked to the two of them separately. When (and he was pretty sure it was a "when" and not an "if") Derrick found someone to marry, maybe he could do it, but not with his little girl.

Thinking back, he wasn't sure how much he had shocked Deborah when he told her that in marriage, sex took on a new dimension for a couple. When a woman and a man pledged themselves to each other, they pledged their bodies to each other, he told her. Romance, intimacy, and pleasuring were still a vital part of the mix, and keeping those aspects alive was crucial to a successful marriage. But sex also became an avenue for many other things, such as releasing energy, dealing with anger and frustration, or facilitating an intense discussion. ("If you truly love your spouse, it's almost impossible to be anything less than open and honest when the two of you are joined together in physical intimacy.") He stressed that it wasn't a matter of assuming a right but a matter giving to the other's need.

So, when CJ's grief yielded to amorous advances, Paul knew that although, on one hand, she was demanding sex, he also knew that she was also denying death's attempt to conquer her spirit and that she needed the use of his body to accomplish that denial.

Paul was a normal male in love with his wife; his body and his psyche responded to her actions and he did get pleasure from giving her the hard and intense intercourse she wanted. But his primary goal was to care for her needs in the same way that she cared for his wants that weekend right before Dansha when Jerry Baker and his girlfriend tried to kill themselves.

He must have dozed, because the next thing Paul knew, he was being gently kissed awake by his wife.

"Let's get showered, dressed, and go over for the girls," CJ smiled and pulled on his arms.

Paul put a hand to either side of her face. "You sure, sweetheart? You're okay?"

"I'm fine, Paul. I love you."

There was no need to say anything else.

_Mid-afternoon, April 12, 2016; central campus, University of California, Berkeley, CA_

CJ was looking over the latest proposal for elective courses for the Philanthropic Management program. CNN was on the television, for background noise more than anything else.

The door to her office opened. "Miss CJ?"

She smiled at the sight of Cindy, who was working in CJ's office as part of her student financial aid package. She had told Cindy several times to call her "CJ", as the other work-study students did, but Cindy told her that "Miss CJ" was engrained in her, probably would be for the rest of her life.

"My mother's on the phone. She says it's important." CJ had asked Cindy to screen her calls; she really needed to get through the proposal this afternoon.

Jessica had been working for "Road to a Better World" for over two years. Nancy had hired her right before CJ and Paul's wedding, when Jessica decided that once Cindy graduated from high school and started college, she would need something to do with the rest of her life.

As CJ picked up the phone, she noticed that the CNN "Breaking News" slide was on the TV screen and that there was an email from them in her mailbox.

"Jessica? CJ. What's up?"

"CJ, Helen Santos is dead," Jessica sniffed into the phone. "Matt found her in bed when he returned from a meeting with his library commission. On first glance, it appears to be natural circumstances, but there will be an autopsy, of course. Everyone's terribly upset, as you can imagine. Frank and Sarita have already flown out to Houston to be there for Matt."

"Oh, God!" CJ's eyes teared up and there was a catch in her voice. "That poor man, those kids. I really liked Helen. From what I could tell, she and Matt were doing a wonderful job with 'Road'. Frank, Sarita, and Glen spoke highly of both of them."

"Everyone liked them. They were so down to earth, insisted on being called by their first names, like everyone else working for the Foundation and for the various projects. They insisted on next to no Secret Service protection, even on the trips overseas, only the security provided by the foundation."

CJ's door opened again.

"Dr. Reeves on line two."

"Jessica, Paul's calling me." CJ looked up at the TV and saw a picture of Helen and Matt, apparently from the balls at the time of Matt's second inauguration. The woman was in a dark purple halter gown, her hair in a classic chignon. Her husband was gazing at her with total love in his eyes. "Please, will you or Nancy let me know what the plans are? I'd like to go to the services, if at all possible. Do you want to speak with Cindy?"

When Jessica answered in the affirmative, CJ put the call on hold, told Cindy to talk with her mother, and then pushed the other button.

"Hey."

"Sweetheart, I tried your cell, but I didn't get an answer. I just heard the news about Mrs. Santos. Are you okay?"

CJ looked at her phone. It was dead.

"I'm sorry, I forgot to recharge. I'm upset, of course, but I'm okay. I just got off the phone with Jessica. As yet, she doesn't know much more than the basic facts, but she or Nancy will keep me informed, let me know about the plans."

"Derrick will probably know also. Sweetheart, I know you want to go and I think you should. I'd want to be there with you, for support, but with the girls being sick -".

Caitlin had picked up a bug in pre-school and had brought it home to Dansha. Luckily, Paddy was so far immune to the germs that had taken down his sisters. Paul and CJ had juggled their schedules for the week so that one of them could stay home with the little girls.

"I'd like to go and I'll be okay, darling. Now I'd best go get Paddy. Do we need anything?"

"We're running low on ginger ale; Caitlin seems to like it better than Sprite."

"_She gets that from me," Danny said to Alicia as they stood in line waiting for fajitas at the "Welcome!" party for Helen Santos. "Mom always gave us ginger ale when we were sick."_

"_And Dansha takes after Paul. His mother was a Seven-Up person. Does Helen look a little funny to you?"_

"_Well, surprised is more like it. After all, it was unexpected. I mean, you and I knew we were coming here. For her, one second, it was a 'Seventh Heaven' rerun on TV, the next second, she's experiencing the real thing."_

"Anything else? How about dinner?" CJ asked.

"Nothing except you and our son. I've got pot roast in the oven. You can get the soda at the Quick Stop. Anything else, you'd have to fight the crowds at the supermarket and I'm sure that Paddy will be anxious to get home. Listen, Dansha's calling for me, I'd better go. See you in a bit. Love you."

"Love you," CJ echoed and hung up the phone.

_Later that evening_

"Just a minute, Derrick. Let me start the dishwasher."

Paul set down the phone, pressed a couple of buttons, and, picking up the phone, left the kitchen in order to escape the noise of water rushing into the dishwasher.

"Now, you were saying?"

Paul listened as his son told him what he knew about the plans for Mrs. Santos' funeral.

The Mass was set for Saturday morning, with a wake following the burial. The Hollis Foundation's largest jet was being configured for more passengers than usual ("They say it would be like a whole plane set up as a first class section.") and would be taking people from San Luis Obispo on Friday after work; the foundation had obtained a block of rooms at the Marriott at the airport. They would come back Saturday evening. Derrick would be attending. Frank Hollis told Derrick that there would be room for his parents if they wanted to come with the Foundation's contingent. They would have to get down to Cal Poly by Friday afternoon.

"I'll let CJ know, Derrick. She's in with the girls right now, reading to them. But I like the idea. Since Caitlin and Dansha are sick, she'll have to go alone, and I'd rather her be with you than flying into Houston by herself. I'm assuming she can stay with you Saturday night, and Thursday night if necessary?"

Derrick assured his father that CJ would be more than welcome to use his guest bedroom.

"Then I'll have her call you. Paddy is standing here beside me, dying to talk with you, so I'll hand over the phone to him. Good night, son, and thanks for calling."

After the conversation with Derrick, it was time for Paddy to go to bed, so Paul went with the child to his room, where the two of them read together (with Paul helping Paddy to sound out the unfamiliar words). After a while, CJ came into Paddy's room, and the two parents kissed the little boy.

Paul poured two some of Aisling's cordial into two small snifters and motioned CJ toward the living room. They sat, looking at the lights across the bay, and sipped for a few moments in silence.

Paul told CJ of Derrick's call.

"It's up to you, sweetheart, but I'd feel better knowing that you were traveling with him, with friends."

"I'll look into flights down to the Foundation and back tomorrow. I'm too worn out to think much more about it tonight." CJ reflected that Paul was probably as concerned about her safety when traveling as Danny was but was much less uptight about it. Or, at least, he dealt with it differently than Danny did. On one level, she knew that when Paul said something was up to her, he was really saying, "Please choose to defer to my wishes".

CJ curled her feet up on the couch and leaned against Paul's side. He, in turn, switched his glass to his other hand and put his arm around her shoulders.

"Are you sure you're okay, CJ? I know that you weren't nearly as close to Helen as you were to Ben, but two deaths in less than a month, it's got to be hard on you."

"It's sobering, to be sure. I keep thinking of poor Matt; he adored her. And the kids, so young."

"The two older ones are about the same age as Deborah and Derrick when we first found out about Alicia's cancer," Paul observed. "It will be rough on them."

"I guess we both know what Matt is going through tonight, poor man," CJ opined.

Paul sighed and pulled CJ into a closer embrace. He thought again of the day he lost Alicia and knew that CJ was thinking back to that day when Danny left her and the children.

Their reflection was interrupted by the phone. Paul reached over for it.

"Yes, she's here. One moment, please. It's Sam's office," he said as he handed the phone to CJ.

"Yes, I can wait," CJ told the governor's aide.

A few seconds later, Sam came on the line. The two of them exchanged thoughts about the day's tragic news, then CJ listened as Sam spoke.

"Thanks Sam. It would just be me, the girls are sick, but we'll discuss it. Okay, here he is. My love to Morgan and the kids." She handed the phone back to Paul. "Sam wants to talk with you."

"Hey, Sam."

"Hi Paul. Listen, here's the thing. Morgan and I will be flying down to Houston on Friday for Helen's services. We'll be staying at the same place as the Hollis folks and I was wondering if you and CJ wanted to go down with us. CJ explained that you wouldn't be going. CJ could stay here with us Saturday night; I'm sure you'd rather not have her driving back home at night."

"Thanks, Sam, we appreciate the offer. Could we get back with you tomorrow? Thanks, and I echo CJ's love to your lady and your children. G'night."

Paul turned to CJ. "So, sweetheart, what are your thoughts? To be honest, I'd rather have you go with Sam than fly down to go with the Hollis group or flying directly to Houston, but it's up to you."

"You're right. I'd love to avoid dealing with a cattle car to Houston, and by the time I drove to Oakland International and did all the security stuff, I could be at Sam and Morgan's house and then ride out to the airport with Morgan. In both cases, I'd have to spend Saturday night away from here as well as Friday. And, not for nothing, but the cost of driving back and forth to Sacramento is less than round trip fare between here and San Luis Obispo. And it's interstate all the way."

"_Damn," Danny said to Brianna. "He gives her a lot more rope than I would. He should have just told her she had to go with Sam and Morgan; and he should drive her up to Sacramento and pick her up on Sunday!"_

"_Ah, Danny, you always were a bit old-fashioned, weren't you? He got the same result, her going with Sam, but he didn't feel the need to exert his ego about it. An' as for getting' to Sacramento, what about the wee ailing girls? They need to be home in their beds, wi' lots of rest and liquids, not being bundled in a car for three hours up there an' back."_

"Shall we call back now?" Paul started to reach for the phone.

"Tomorrow should be fine," CJ answered with a yawn and a smile. "It's been an exhausting day."

She stood up and pulled on Paul's hand.

"I'll go check on the kids; why don't you lock up?"

Paddy wanted a drink of water and the vaporizer in the girls' room required refilling. When she entered the master bath, Paul was just finishing up at the commode. He lowered the seat, absent-mindedly ran a washcloth over his genitals, and washed his hands at his basin while CJ brushed her teeth.

CJ turned her back to Paul and lifted her hair; he unzipped her dress, lightly kissed the top of her spinal cord, and left the bathroom, dropping his underwear in the hamper.

Two minutes later, she was dropping her things in the hamper and walking across the bedroom, the moon lighting her path to the bed.

CJ slipped into the bed and into her husband's arms.

Their kiss was at first gentle, but deepened as his hand ran down her back and caressed the curve of her hip. As she felt him harden against her, her hand duplicated his actions; then she reached between his buttocks to tease his testicles from behind.

Paul sighed in satisfaction as he transferred his mouth to the base of her throat, transferred his hand to her breast, and pushed his leg between hers.

When he first touched her at the joining of her legs, Paul had intended merely to make sure that she was moist enough to receive him. However, CJ made a sound which he interpreted as "I'd like more than one tonight", so he played with her folds and her center until her moans indicated that he should press the base of his palm hard against the throbbing little core while his fingers danced on the thin membrane of skin at the base of her opening.

CJ had barely finished cresting when Paul came over her and buried himself inside her. They moved together as one, knowing how to bring each other to fulfillment. Paul waited until CJ started again before letting go, before increasing the speed and intensity of his thrusts. He grabbed both her buttocks as he exploded, then pulled her with him as he turned on his side. He stroked the side of her face as she kissed his chest between little gasps.

CJ fell into sleep before he did.

Alicia had suffered from what she called "twitchy legs", and usually turned on her side, snuggling back into his body, soon after climax. Paul knew without asking that CJ and Danny also spooned. By unspoken agreement, it was a position that Paul and CJ avoided with each other. He usually stayed on his back; she slept with her head on his chest, under his arm.

But there were benefits.

Their legs remained intertwined. Back when they were in school together, in the first months after they became intimate, CJ told him, her face turning a lovely shade of rose, that she liked the feel of him remaining inside her even as he grew flaccid. He also enjoyed the feeling of being inside her even as he became more detumnescent; in full repose he was large enough that if they did not move, they would remain joined, sometimes even until morning. They had resumed the practice with their marriage.

It was quiet, loving, caring sex; a calming end to a troublesome day. "Just as addictive as a sleeping pill, but a lot nicer" was the way CJ described it six months into their marriage, right before they found out about Dansha. It was also the same night that she told him he didn't need to shower every night; when she told him that sometimes, she liked the combination of cologne, mild sweat, "the maleness" that teased at her nostrils at night. So, unless either of them felt particularly grubby, or particularly romantic, nighttime showers ceased. But he did continue to wash one particular part of his body; he felt it important. She took note and began a similar practice.

It was another aspect of what he had tried to tell Deborah and Tom, another way that husband and wife gave themselves to each other.

But she would be leaving him for two nights later in the week. Tomorrow, and definitely on Thursday night, he needed to employ more romance in their lovemaking. CJ had to go to Helen Santos' funeral knowing that she was adored, worshiped, and desired. Paul didn't have any ominous premonitions about CJ's travels, but today's events brought home the fact that you never know - .

The next morning, after Paul took Paddy to school and went to teach his seminar, CJ called Sam's office and coordinated schedules. She called Bonnie to make sure she had a room in the Hollis block even though she wouldn't be traveling on the Hollis jet. Bonnie told her that the preliminary autopsy results had been released; apparently Helen had a congenital heart defect that had gone undiagnosed for all these years. "Matt has appointments for Peter, Miranda, and Rachel this afternoon; they'll probably have extensive tests done in the next few weeks," Bonnie told her.

Paul called Derrick to let him know that CJ would be travelling with the governor.

"But I would appreciate it if you would look out for her while she's in Houston. It's going to bring back memories."

Derrick reassured his father that he would take care of his stepmother.

"Dad, will you be okay? It's got to be bringing back memories for you, too."

"It is, but I'm aware of it. This is the first time for CJ; the first time, after Danny, seeing someone you know, someone close to you, lose a spouse. She may not realize that it will affect her, but I don't think I should put the idea in her head."

_8:30 AM, PDT, Friday, April 15, 2016_

"Be good girls for Papa. I love you."

CJ kissed Caitlin and Dansha. The two little girls were starting to feel better, but the flu bug was still weakening their bodies. They still wanted to stay in their beds most of the time.

Earlier, when Amy Marshall stopped by to take Paddy to school, the little boy gave his mother a big hug and told her that he would help his father take care of his sisters.

"Don't worry about us, Mama. We'll be okay."

CJ told her son that she knew that he would be a big help to his father and that the four of them would be okay, but that mothers always worried.

Paul walked CJ to the Camry and made a final visual inspection of the car. He helped her into the driver's seat and closed the door. Paul kissed her through the open window, then told her to drive carefully, to call him when she got to Sacramento, or if she ran into any trouble or delays on the way. He told her that he loved her beyond imagination, that he would see her on Sunday, and then gently ordered her to lock the door and close the window.

As she drove to Sacramento, CJ reveled in the memory of the previous night. She could not begin to count the number of kisses that had been planted on her face, her throat, her breast, her stomach. Nor could she count the kisses placed on her back after she had been turned over and possessed with deliberate but gentle passion, safe between the mattress and the man.

"I love you, sweetheart," Paul had sighed as he released himself inside her. CJ, in turn, was still descending from the heights to which he had raised her before giving into his own need.

"Okay, pay attention to the road," CJ told herself. "Let's postpone this reminiscing until tonight."

The trip was uneventful and CJ arrived at Sam and Morgan's place by 11:30. She called Paul to let him know that she had arrived safely and said that she would call later from Houston. They were going to leave Sacramento at 2:00, and arrive in Houston about 6:30, Paul's time. Right now, she said, she and Morgan were going to have lunch.

Later that evening, CJ called home. She talked with Paddy, Caitlin, and Dansha, promising to bring them something from her trip. Paddy told her about the neat little bats that his class saw in school that day. Thankfully, he didn't ask for a pet bat.

Paul told CJ that so far, everything was going smoothly. Dottie had come over to sit with the girls when it was time to go pick up Paddy at school. The four of them had chicken fingers and macaroni and cheese for supper. The girls' appetites were returning. The four of them had been watching a Muppets DVD, all curled up on the couch, when CJ called.

CJ told Paul that in a few minutes, she would be having dinner with the Seaborns, Josh and Donna, Rick and Ginger, Margaret and John Hoynes, Bonnie, Nancy, the Hollis', "and Derrick, of course." President and Mrs. Bartlet would be coming in later that evening. Haffley's wife and the Vice-president would be arriving in the morning, before the services.

The Mass would be at 11:00, with burial and a wake to follow. Josh, John Hoynes, Helen's brother, Matt's brothers, and his sister's husband would be pallbearers. Sam's plane was scheduled to leave Houston at 7:00, and they should be back in Sacramento by 10:00.

"Give everyone my regards, and my special prayers and thoughts to Matt, sweetheart. Enjoy dinner and remember to lock your door."

_11:10 AM CDT, Saturday April 16, 2016; Houston TX_

Bitter memory hit CJ with the force of an F2 tornado.

They had just positioned Helen's casket at the foot of the altar and covered it with the pall when everything about Danny's death and Danny's funeral came rushing to the forefront of her mind.

CJ's shoulders shook as she tried to fight back the tears. Then she felt an arm come around her, felt a couple of tissues being pressed into her hands.

"Dad said that it might hit you hard, this first time. He asked me to watch out for you. Do you mind?"

The care and concern reflected in Derrick's face reminded CJ so much of Paul.

"You are so much like him," CJ smiled at Derrick through her tears. "Somewhere out there, one very lucky woman is waiting for you to find her."

After the Mass and burial, there was a reception at one of the hotels. It was CJ's first chance to speak with the grieving former president.

"I can't say that I know exactly how you feel, but I do know what it is like to lose a spouse. And Paul knows what it's like to lose a wife. So the two of us aren't going to let you alone; we're going to be checking up on you.

"If Paul were here, and, except for the kids, he would be, he would tell you that no one has the right to tell you how to mourn. Your only obligation is to your children."

CJ and Donna spent a good half-hour with Abbey Bartlet. The former First Lady had pictures of the grandchildren.

"Here's Zoey and Charlie's little girl, named after Charlie's mother and me. Only two and a half and she's already playing 'doctor' with her dolls. Don't tell anyone else, but Zoey's pregnant again.

"Here's a picture of Annie and her partner, Celeste. Annie's had several chorus parts on Broadway and she's understudying Mabel in the latest revival of 'Pirates of Penzance.' Doug's finally accepted her sexual preference, thank God.

"Gus was accepted at Dartmouth, Cornell, and Notre Dame. Three guesses where he's going. I don't think I've seen Jed this happy since Zoey got married.

"And here's Ellie's kids. Thank God, they look like her and not like Vic, but if you quote me, I'll deny ever having said it."

All the while she was talking, Abbey's eyes were wandering. CJ followed Abbey's gaze; she was keeping her husband in her line of sight.

"Ma'am, how is the President?" CJ asked.

"As far as I know, Haffley is in good health."

"Mrs. Bartlet," Donna said, "you know who CJ meant."

"Well, he still has more good days than bad, but the bad days are coming more frequently." Abbey's shoulders sagged as she shared her news with CJ and Donna.

"He seems fine today," Donna observed.

"He rested all day yesterday and this morning," Abbey said. "He said he had to be strong for Matt, poor man."

"If I'm not too bold, how bad is 'bad', Abbey?" CJ asked.

"At best, he needs two canes. At worst, he's in a chair. It will be long and messy, but we have each other.

"But enough of me and us. Donna, tell me about your political aspirations. And CJ, I'm so glad you're pursuing the PhD. Remember that weekend of the library dedication when I told you to go for it?"

Soon it was time for farewells and limousine rides to the airport.

CJ sought out her stepson.

"Thank you for being there with me, Derrick," she kissed the young man and responded to his hug. "And thanks for helping me with the gifts for the kids in the hotel shop last night. They're too young to understand that this wasn't a pleasure trip."

_12:15 PM, Sunday, April 17, 2016; Kensington, CA_

"Yay! Mama's home!"

Paddy was looking at the living room window when he saw the car pull into the driveway. He ran into the kitchen and opened the door to the garage just as CJ stepped out of the car.

CJ walked into the kitchen holding Paddy in her arms. Then, feeling the tug of four little hands on her slacks, she knelt down and gathered her three children to her.

"Love Mama," Dansha slobbered a big kiss on CJ's cheek.

"Me, too," said Caitlin. "Bring present?"

"Isn't having Mama home present enough?"

CJ looked up at her husband's smiling face. He pulled the children from her then helped her to her feet.

"Hi," CJ said as she hugged Paul. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too," Paul whispered into her neck.

CJ felt him stirring against her hip and looked at him.

Just before he pulled away from her body, he ran a hand down her back, lingering for a second or two on her posterior. The word was spoken very low and in a very hoarse voice.

"Later."

_That night._

Paul traced his finger along the neckline of CJ's negligee. She squirmed in his lap as he lifted her breast from the garment and pressed his lips against the creamy flesh. CJ's hands clutched at Paul's head as the hand moved from breast to stomach. She sighed and his hand moved even further down her body. As he teased her through the silk, she could feel him stirring against her fanny.

"I gather you weren't planning on getting much sleep tonight," CJ giggled into her husband's ear.

"Actually, I was," he smiled in reply.

"Oh?"

"I intend to make extremely intense love with you for about fifteen or twenty minutes and then get a good seven hours of deep sleep." Paul accentuated his statement with a movement against her core that made her arc off his lap.

"But I've missed you so much."

"Then it's a good thing that Caitlin and Dansha are well enough for daycare tomorrow. We have cinnamon rolls and whipped cream for the hot chocolate in the refrigerator. Once I take Paddy to school and drop off the girls, I'll be getting back here as fast as the speed limit permits. I shall expect to find you in bed, and in nothing else."

"That sounds very nice," CJ replied, "but why do I have to wait?"

"You don't. The fifteen minutes starts right now." He pushed CJ to her feet, stood up, upended her over his shoulder, and carried her to the bed.

_6:00 PM PDT, Monday, May 20, 2016_

Paul heard the kitchen door open, looked up from his scholarly journal, and smiled as CJ stepped into the room.

"Hi, sweetheart. I take it your meeting with the Dean went longer than you thought?"

CJ danced around the kitchen.

"I got an A plu-us, I got an A plu-us."

She kissed her husband, who tried to grab her but failed, and continued dancing around the room.

"I got an A plu-us, I got an A plu-us."

The second time, Paul managed to grab her and pull her onto his lap.

"I wish I had something nicer than lasagna baking in the oven to celebrate your grade. That's wonderful, sweetheart." Having captured his wife, Paul proceeded to kiss her properly.

"Mama!" Paddy ran into the kitchen. "What about this kind? Oops, excuse me."

Paddy remembered what Derrick said about giving Mama and Papa their "privacy" even if the two of them were out in the regular parts of the house when they were kissing and hugging. For the past two months, whenever Paddy asked about getting a dog, instead of being told that first Caitlin and then Dansha was too little, he was told that he had to prove himself responsible enough to help take care of a pet. So Paddy was trying very hard to do things that would make Mama and Papa see that he was a big kid, almost in second grade, and not a little boy like he was before he started "real school". He helped Caitlin pick up her toys and (almost) never complained about getting into bed at the proper time. When he asked Derrick for some pointers, his older brother told him to show lots of "consideration" for everyone in the family.

When he asked Derrick about Mama and Papa kissing and hugging all the time, Derrick said that it was fun with the "right person". Derrick said that he was looking for his "right person" and hoped to find her soon, just like Deborah found Tom. And, yes, if he found the right girl, he might have to move even further away, like Deborah did, but for now, he was hoping to find her in San Luis Obispo. However, God sometime worked in funny ways, so you never know.

Paddy told Derrick that he already found his "right person", but that he and Maggie didn't do all that "kissing and hugging" stuff. Of course, they did kiss and hug hello and good-bye, or if one of them was really sad, like when Daddy had to go to heaven, or hurt, like when Dickie called Maggie a "spic". But the time they tried to just sit there and kiss and hug, they decided it wasn't nearly as much fun as playing Go Fish or even watching PBS.

Derrick laughed at first, then started asking questions about what else Paddy and Maggie might have tried out, things they might have seen grownups do together. But when Derrick asked about putting their hands inside their clothes, Paddy asked him why in the world someone would want to do **that**, and Derrick dropped the subject.

Everyone told Paddy that when he was a grownup, he would understand about kissing and hugging and putting hands in special places and Paddy believed them. He was just glad he didn't have to like all that right now.

Paddy started to leave the kitchen, but Papa just laughed, said something about "timing", and asked Paddy what he wanted to show them.

"This one looks like Pistol." Paddy showed them the picture in the paper of the dog under the caption "Will you be my forever family?"

CJ and Paul looked at the paper and then looked at each other. They had already decided to get a dog for Paddy's birthday next month. They knew they would get a rescue dog from the shelter and that they would get a dog that was already housebroken and past puppyhood.

"I bet Daddy wants me to have him."

"_That's why I made sure that the paper fell open to that page, son," Danny whispered to the little boy. Then he looked at CJ and Paul and raised his voice._

"_Go for it."_

CJ and Paul looked at each other, realized that they had both heard the same thing, and smiled.

Paul looked again at the picture in the paper.

"Well, it's a her, not a him. Her name is Jasmine. It's too late to go there today, by the time we would get there, they would be closed; we can go tomorrow after school. But Paddy, when they put these pictures in the paper, sometimes they get adopted very quickly. You need to be prepared if someone else had already adopted her."

"Could we phone them and see? Call dibs on her?"

Paddy's face was so serious. Paul agreed to call the shelter. CJ went to check on Caitlin and Dansha.

Jasmine was still available, Paul was told. Yes, he could put a twenty-four hour "hold" on the dog. They would need a credit card number. In fact, the shelter would prefer to send someone to the house with the dog, to see how she interacted with the family and to inspect the premises. A dog like Jasmine would need a fenced yard. Good, you already have one. There's a pool? The shelter would want them to have a warning system, something that alerts you if anyone or anything falls in. You already have it? Very good.

Paul hung up as CJ came into the kitchen carrying Dansha and holding Caitlin's hand. He brought her up to speed on the canine situation. He and CJ could both be home by 3:30 tomorrow.

"Paddy, if they let us adopt Jasmine, this will be an early birthday present for you. You'll remember that next month, won't you, and not ask us for something else?" CJ looked at the little boy as she set Dansha in her high chair.

"Yes, Mama. Thank you, Mama. Thank you, Papa. Can I can Derrick and tell him?"

"Why don't we make sure that they let us have her first, okay?"

After the children were bathed, read to, and put to bed, CJ and Paul were relaxing in the hot tub. CJ was talking about her dissertation, anxious to get the outline approved and to start writing, wanting to get her PhD in December.

"Sweetheart, give it the time it needs. The ceremony will be just as nice next May as in December; nicer, maybe."

"It would be just your luck that Deborah and I will be getting hooded and degreed at the same time. You're an amazing man, Paul, but I don't think you have powers of bilocation," CJ laughed and took a sip from her wine glass.

"Well, to have two very special women in my life achieve this milestone, I'd do my best to develop them." Paul reached over and kissed her.

"So, we're about to add a fourth child to the household," CJ said.

"A child with four legs and a fur coat. Second thoughts?"

"Not really, not after Danny – you heard it, too?" CJ looked at her husband.

"Yes."

"Then it will be fine."

_Danny hugged Pistol. His son was about to begin one of the most wonderful experiences of his young life._

CJ stood up and held out her hand to Paul. He smiled and followed suit.

_Seventy-two hours later_

Paul came into the bedroom, saw CJ sitting at her laptop in the alcove that served as her home office, walked up behind her, and kissed the back of her neck.

"Well, the dog bed for Paddy's room was a waste of money. Jasmine's curled around our son's feet."

"We can take it up to Albion when we go next month. Look, Toby sent a picture of Alexis." CJ opened the attachment. "She's getting big, eight months already."

"She's the image of Andy, isn't she?"

The phone rang just as the CNN Breaking News email popped up in CJ's In box. Paul had a horrible sense of _déjà vu_. His grandmother always said that things came in threes, and with Ben's death, followed by the Santos tragedy, he was afraid as he picked up the phone.

"Paul, this is Margaret Hoynes. Debbie, Carol, and I are calling everyone. Abbey Bartlet died an hour ago; drunk driver." Paul heard CJ gasp and he walked over to the desk to put an arm around her. "We've got a block of rooms at the Sheraton Four Points in Manchester."

"I understand. Listen, let me give you a credit card number, put us down for a queen or a king."

Margaret took down the details. "Listen, Paul, things are going to get crowded and hectic. If you can find someone to take care of the kids, it'd be better without them, but if push comes to shove, we'll set up some sort of nursery situation."

"CJ's sister-in-law usually comes through for us. Who should I call when we have details about our trip?"

"Debbie's getting a bank of phone numbers set up. There's actually a federal agency that helps with all this. Liz and Donna used it for Mrs. Santos.

"I've got others to call. My love to CJ."

"Thanks, Margaret. I guess we'll be seeing you and John in New Hampshire."

"Count on it. A sad reunion."

Paul put down the phone and pulled CJ up and into his arms. He stroked her hair as she wept softly against his shoulder.

"She was my matron of honor, with Danny. When we were waiting for the biopsies and everything, the two of them were there for me. I need (gulp) to get up there as (gulp) soon as I can."

"I know, sweetheart. Let's call Gina and see if she can come down tomorrow."

"You're coming with me?" CJ asked.

The phone rang again. Paul noted that the Caller ID indicated that Derrick was the caller.

"Hi there."

"Hey, Dad."

CJ broke away and walked to the other side of the room.

"I'm going to try Gina."

"Thank you for calling, son. We're in shock. CJ's devastated, of course. Right now, she's trying to reach her sister-in-law. The Bartlets are a second family to her, Abbey is, was both a friend and a mother. She has to be there for the President and their duaghters, and I have to be there for her."

"Damn, the line's busy, and Randy refuses to get Call Waiting, says it's rude," CJ closed her phone, then reopened it and started punching keys a second time.

"That's why I'm calling, Dad," Derrick said. "As soon as I heard, I called Jamie, told her my family would need me, and she said 'Go.' As soon as I finish throwing some things into a bag and get gas, I'll be on my way. I'm assuming you haven't changed the codes for the locks and the alarms."

"Derrick, the weekend is coming up; you must have plans," Paul protested as CJ hung up again in frustration.

"To clean my refrigerator, work on a brief, and use the pool. I can do all that there, if your fridge needs cleaning, that is," Derrick laughed.

"You're sure you want to, and it's okay with your boss?"

"Yes, and yes. I can do my work from there; remember, the CompuPod folks wrote the book on telecommuting. CJ needs to be in New Hampshire for the Bartlets; you need to be there for CJ. I need to be in Kensington for my family."

"Well, we'd deeply appreciate it, but why come right now? Wait until daylight," Paul suggested.

"I'm not tired, and if I get there tonight, you might be able to get an earlier flight. I'll be as quiet as I can when I get there. Love you, Dad. Kiss Mama for me."

Paul told CJ of Derrick's plans.

"That's sweet of him. Maybe we should go ahead and look at flights?"

They discussed the various options (flying out of Oakland or San Francisco, flying to Boston or Manchester) and checked the flights on the web. CJ called the airline with the non-stop flights between Oakland and Boston, explained the situation, and got two seats on the light leaving tomorrow morning with open return flights. With the time changes, they would arrive in Boston in the early evening, but, God willing, with enough daylight to drive the hour or so to Manchester, so she reserved a car for them.

There were phone calls from the others. Sam and Morgan wouldn't be able to go until Sunday. Josh and Donna were driving up tomorrow, taking Carol and David with them. Bonnie and Nancy were traveling together; their husbands would not be able to attend. Rick and Ginger were planning to arrive early Saturday morning. Haffley actually authorized a plane for Ellie, Vic, and their kids.

"Sweetheart, come to bed." Paul patted the mattress beside him. "It's been a rough day."

CJ lay down against Paul's shoulder.

"Thank you for coming with me," she said.

"Where else would I be?"

CJ moved closer and felt her husband stirring against her. She shifted her body, put one leg over her husband's groin, and kissed his mouth.

"CJ, you don't have to make love with me tonight. I know you're upset." He tried to pull away from her.

But as she had done three other times in their marriage, CJ merely kissed him again. "So this will be one of those times we talked about. Let me take care of you."

Afterward, Paul held her as she slept. Although he was tired, he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep until Derrick arrived. Doze, yes, but sleep, no.

Paul remembered the first time he had reached for CJ only to sense that she wasn't as interested as he was. He backed off, only to have her tell him that every once in a while, there would be times like these. CJ proceeded to kiss and caress him, receive him inside her with love, to give him the release he desired. She told him that even if she didn't climax, it felt good.

Then there were the two times when it was she who was needy beyond his ability to take care of those needs. Those times, it was he who provided release, his fingers filling her while his mouth caressed her core.

Yes, he had told his daughter and his son-in-law, as he had told many other couples, about the complexity of sex in marriage. And, dozing off, he thanked God for the gift of experiencing that complexity with two wonderful women.

In the manner common to parents, Paul woke three minutes before he heard Derrick's car pull into the drive. He met his son at the door, then locked up again as they both fell into sleep until morning.

_Saturday, May 21, 2016_; _Awasiwi Odanack Farm, NH_

Paul turned the page of his Bible as he turned the corner of the barn. Then he stopped and looked up at the sound of the voices.

Jed Bartlet and Matt Santos were sitting on a bale of hay. They were obviously deep in conversation, sharing their grief.

"Excuse me, gentlemen." Paul started to turn around, not wishing to intrude on the two widowers.

"No, please stay," President Bartlet said. Matt Santos nodded in agreement.

"I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for both of you," Paul said. "I'm sure you've heard those words so many times, but there's not much else I know to say."

"Thank you for not telling us that this is somehow part of God's plan. If I hear that one more time, I think I'll plead justifiable homicide when I'm tried for killing the speaker," Jed said.

"Believe me, I felt the same way ten years ago, when well-meaning people were saying the same thing to me. I can't serve a God who would actively plan such horrible events, to rob someone of a spouse's presence in life."

"That's right, you've been through this," Matt said. "How do we manage to deal with it? How did you deal with it? And if it's not part of God's plan, why does He let it happen?"

"Not as well as I could have, I'm afraid. I ran to the other side of the world. I thank God every day for Alicia's sister and her husband, for taking care of my kids for me. I thank God for two wonderful kids who somehow managed to understand, to love me in spite of my not being there, and to grow up into two wonderful human beings, to be real tributes to their mother.

"However, even in doing so, I learned important lessons. I learned that you best preach the good news of God by taking care of his creation – human, animal, vegetable, and mineral – so I'm not sure I would do anything differently.

"I'm not sure if God lets it happen. I think that God has chosen to put limits on His omnipotence. But when horrible things happen, He will sometimes open a window. Witness the lessons I learned in Asia. Witness the happiness that CJ and I have found with each other and the wonder that is Dansha. When Danny was dying, he told me how he and CJ came together. He said that when he had bared his soul to CJ, she asked to wait until after the end of your term, President Bartlet. But when Leo McGarry died, she came to him in grief and the two of them assuaged their grief in intimacy. CJ's request to wait until January 20th was forgotten. Danny thought that if he and CJ had not been together for ten weeks when you, Matt, tried to pull her into your administration, she would have felt duty bound to sacrifice her own happiness. Now Danny would never have wished death on Leo, but he did feel that Leo's death caused CJ to see the light, as it were."

"For me, I think that I couldn't go on if it weren't for the kids," Matt said. "I need them, the visible signs of the love Helen and I shared, as much as they need me."

"My children are grown, of course," Jed added. "For me, I know that I have to make sure that none of them change their lives for me. Liz is already talking about moving here to 'take are of me', as she puts it. Liz needs to continue with her new life. The kids are grown, and she's still young. Neither she, Ellie, nor Zoey made any promises to me concerning 'in sickness and in health.' I don't know how I'm going to do this" he pointed to the two canes that had come to symbolize his Multiple Sclerosis, "but I'll have to find some way."

"_It's heartbreaking." Alicia said as she buried her head against Danny's shoulder._

"_I know."_

_The two of them stood there, among many others, watching, as Abbey Bartlet pleaded._

"_It's not for myself. 'Thy will be done' and all that. But Jed needs me so much. He said that he could handle whatever came as long as I was there to be with him, to help him, to hold his hand. I'm so afraid that without me, he won't be able to bear it, that he might succumb, and that he won't be here with me. Please, let me go back!" She fell to her knees, begging._

_But They only smiled at her, told her that They loved her._

"_And if he did, do you really think that my Boy would hold that against him?" Mariah asked the grieving soul at Their feet. She helped Abbey to her feet._

"_Abbey, come with me." _

_Helen Santos held out her arms and the two former First Ladies wept in each other's arms._

"There are ways for your daughters to care for you without sacrificing their lives," Paul said. "And I know that CJ thinks of you as a father, that Sam and Josh think of you as a father. There are so many people that will have your back in the time to come.

"And not today, not next month, or even next year, you need to be open to the possibility of new love in your life. I know," Paul laughed as both men began to make sounds of protest, "I felt the same way. And if Danny hadn't passed, I might still feel the same way. I'm not telling you to go looking for another love in your lives, just, when the time is right, to be open to the possibility."

"Matt, maybe," Jed said, "but not me. You know, if I weren't sick, I'd seriously consider ordination."

"The other thing is, don't do anything drastic for about a year. Don't sell the farm, or the house," Paul looked at Matt.

"But it's so hard, to be there everyday," Matt said. "I was thinking that once the school year ended, we'd move to San Luis Obispo. I can't give up the job, Helen loved it so much."

"Rent there, but hold off on selling your place in Houston. The two of you need time."

_Sunday, May 22, 2016_

CJ felt the vibration of her phone against her waist and reached for it. The display showed their home number.

"Hello?"

"Mama?"

"Paddy? What's the matter?"

Paul looked up at the exchange, concern on his face. "Speaker," he said as the two of them moved away from the group that was assembling the programs for Tuesday's services for Abbey.

"Derrick won't let me in the pool or watch TV. I have to stay in my room for the rest of the day."

"Paddy."

"Yes, Papa?"

"Paddy, go get Derrick for me."

When Derrick came to the phone, Paul explained that Paddy was complaining and asked Derrick to put the house phone on speaker.

"Paddy, why is Derrick putting you in time out?" CJ asked.

"I was just playing with the ball. I didn't mean to knock over the plants."

"Is that all, Paddy?" Paul knew that Derrick wouldn't react to a simple accident.

"We – el – ell."

"Well, what?" CJ demanded.

"He did tell me to stop throwing the ball right next to all the plants."

"And you didn't stop, did you?" Paul stated.

"No, sir."

"How many times did he ask you, Paddy?" CJ asked her son.

"Maybe three?" Paddy's voice turned hesitant.

"Padraic Talmadge Concannon!"

Maybe calling Mama to get her to overrule Derrick wasn't a good idea after all.

Then Papa spoke in his "serious discussion" voice.

"So, you disobeyed your brother, who came home to take care of you and your sisters while Mama and I had to go away and then you violated your time out and called your mother to get her to stop your time out. Mama and everyone here are real sad because Grandma Abbey died and went to heaven, but first, you didn't listen to Derrick, like we asked you to and like you said you would; second, you damaged Mama's plants; third, you violated your time out by leaving your room without permission; fourth, you made a phone call without permission even though it wasn't an emergency; and last, you disturbed Mama when she was trying to help Grandpa Jed and everyone else up here."

Paul looked down at the note CJ handed him ("No aquarium tomorrow.") He nodded his head in agreement.

Paddy began to realize that maybe he was in even bigger trouble.

"But I didn't really hurt the plants, except maybe they lost some flowers. Once they got picked up, they were okay."

"That doesn't matter. So, here's what we've decided. Your Mama and I are extending your time out. Tomorrow after lunch, when the rest of your class goes on the field trip, Derrick is going to pick you up and bring you back home. You will have to stay in your room until 4:00."

They heard the beginnings of protest over the phone, but it quickly stopped. Paddy knew that there was no questioning Mama and Papa at a time like this.

"Now apologize to your brother for not respecting his authority and go to your room," CJ said.

After Paddy had followed orders, the three adults continued their conversation. Derrick told them that the little girls were doing okay, and that, really, except for that one incident, Paddy had been behaving also. All in all, things were going smoothly, except that Jasmine was moping and whining because Paddy wasn't coming out of his room to play with her, so Derrick had to amuse the dog as well as keep an eye on Caitlin and Dansha. He had planned to take everyone to Pizza Hut for dinner, but now he was going to have to make dinner.

"So I end up punishing myself as well," Derrick laughed. "Dad, this is probably only the first of many times for me to say this, but I'm sorry for everything I put you and Mom through."

"Well, they say that grandchildren are the revenge you get for the grief your kids caused you, so I guess I'm getting an early taste. And Derrick, thank you again for coming up, for helping us."

After they hung up, CJ and Paul talked about the incident.

"Can you believe the nerve of that kid," CJ sputtered, "thinking I would countermand Derrick."

"I think this is the first time Derrick's had to play the heavy with Paddy. You know, I was tempted to tell Derrick to give Paddy a spank, but I figured it would traumatize Derrick way more than it would make an impression on Paddy."

"_Well, it sure doesn't traumatize me!" Danny reached down with his hand._

Paddy was lying on his stomach when he felt something brush against his butt. He knew he had made a bunch of mistakes today. Derrick was only trying to take care of him and his sisters and Paddy should have accepted his time out like a big kid. Even though Papa didn't say anything about reparations, as soon as he got the chance, he was going to buy Derrick a candy bar.

Paddy put his arm around Pistol. He had been spending much more time with Jasmine the last few days, but now he couldn't play with her. Paddy was glad that he still had the stuffed dog Daddy had given him, even though some of the other boys at school would probably make fun of him if they knew about Pistol.

"I still love you," he whispered to the little toy dog.

Well, as long as he had to stay in his room for the rest of the day, he might as well look at the books that Aunt Erin had sent him. They were books that she and Daddy read when they were kids.

_Tuesday, May 24, 2016_

"A reading from the book of Proverbs."

CJ looked up as Liz began the first reading. She remembered the Valentine's Day seven years ago, when Danny read the same selection, his face fixed on hers.

The funeral Mass had started with the pallbearers – Josh, Sam, Toby, John Hoynes, Ed, and Larry – escorting the coffin bearing Abigail Barrington Bartlet down the aisle of the church. Some people expressed surprise that Charlie, Vic, and Gus were not pallbearers. However, the three of them had decided that they would rather be sitting with their wives and mother, respectively. Abbey's nephews also decided that they would rather sit and comfort their parents.

The next thing CJ knew, it was time for Communion. Apparently, she had been lost in thought, remembering other services – her mother's, Mrs. Landingham's, Simon's, Leo's, her father's, and then Danny's. She was crying softly and Paul had an arm around her. His other hand was clasped over the two of hers in her lap.

It was time for her pew to approach the altar. Paul stepped out first and then stepped back, as he usually did, to let her pass. But instead of returning to the pew, he followed her to the altar. After she had received the Host, she heard the sound of fabric rubbing against fabric, and knew that her husband had crossed his arms over his chest and had bowed his head in order to be blessed by the priest. Jed Bartlet could not know, and might not even care, that Paul had chosen Abbey's funeral to take this step with her for the first time. As she took the cup from the deacon, she could feel Paul's presence behind her, ready to repeat the act.

Back in the pew, she pressed her hands over Paul's. "Since you chose to take Danny and Alicia," she prayed to God, "thank you for giving us a second chance."

Later that evening, after the burial and the reception, after Abbey's husband, daughters, sons-in-law, and grandchildren had returned to the farm to begin their lives without her love, her skill, and her caring, the West Wing friends gathered at the Four Points, in the Seaborn suite.

Between their group and the Bartlet relatives from out of the area, they had been quite crowded. Bonnie and Nancy had to share a room, as did Ed and Larry. The Santos children were among the few children, other than the Bartlet grandchildren, who had come to New Hampshire. There was no way that Matt was going to leave them alone so soon after their own mother's death. However, they did not attend any of the funeral events. Matt's mother came with them and she kept Peter, Miranda, and Rachel occupied when their father wasn't with them.

At one point, after joking about their room situation, Ed mentioned that at least they weren't staying in the local "no tell motel" like most of the press. Katie and Chris had rooms with mirrors on the ceiling and red velvet out the yin-yang.

"Danny would have loved it!" CJ exclaimed.

"_Better a mirror on the ceiling than a tarantula," Danny told Abbey. "I stayed in some pretty dicey places myself." _

_The former First Lady was feeling a little better, had even come to her own wake in the Rosette Nebula. Delores Landingham offered her a cookie to go with her Bailey's._

"Did you hear what happened to Mark?" Josh asked. "There was a mix up with the keys and about 11:30 last night, he walks into his room and there's some girl in nothing but a candy thong lying on his bed. She was supposed to be a 'present' for some kid who just turned twenty-one."

"How did he know it was made of candy?" Kate wondered.

Donna and CJ told the gang about Abbey's birthday, when the two of them, Abbey, and Amy got drunk in the residence. Debbie talked about arranging personal down time for the President and his wife. It seemed that everyone had a special memory of Abbey.

"She was so special," Sam said. "A national treasure. But she could be a real iron lady if she wanted to be. If she felt that she or those dear to her were being wronged, he let you know it."

Most of the gang – Josh and Donna, Sam and Morgan, Carol and David, Ed, Larry, the Santos contingent – were leaving the next day. Margaret would be staying for a week in order to help Debbie with the aftermath of Abbey's passing. CJ and Paul would be leaving on Thursday, as were Bonnie and Nancy, Toby and Andy, and Rick and Ginger.

Ginger let them know that the reunion this year would be at Cape May. They wondered if the President would come without Abbey. Everyone remembered how hard things were for Rick's mother after Arnie died.

Paul and CJ left the gathering at 11:00.

They called Derrick, who told them that he and Paddy had had a long talk Sunday night and that everything was okay between them. The little boy had accepted the extension of his time out with no fuss, and when he was allowed outside to play in the pool and then allowed to watch television, he was very careful to do everything requested of him.Jasmine continued to adjust to her new family, even letting Caitlin dress her up in some of the clothes from her dolls.

Paul was standing by the window, looking outside when CJ came up behind him. As he turned around, CJ slipped her arms around his neck.

"Hold me, Paul," she whispered into his ear. "Please hold me and love me."

Paul knew she was asking for more than sex. She needed comfort; she needed the security of knowing that he was her man.

And as he did, some thirty-five years earlier, Paul picked her up, and carried her to the bed. He caressed and readied her with the same tenderness. As he moved between her legs, he made the same request he had made that first time, that she wrap her legs around him.

Their coupling was tender until passion overtook them and their movements became more animated, more intense. They climaxed almost simultaneously, crying out to each other.

Afterward, Paul held her close. It was the third death in nine weeks. If the adage held, there were better times ahead. As he fell asleep, he asked his God to let it be so.

But whatever the coming days and weeks brought, their love would sustain them.


	16. More Precious than Rubies

**More Precious than Rubies**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult –

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Author's note: In the past, I have used the New American Bible for my scriptural quotes, as that is the one that CJ and Danny, as Catholics, would have used. In this chapter, I am assuming that Paul would use King James.

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

_11:30 AM PDT, June 24, 2016; Kensington, CA_

CJ smiled in anticipation as she heard the sound of the garage door opening. She had been anticipating the next few moments ever since she awoke this morning and saw the text message from her husband. He was aboard the plane that would take him from Atlanta to San Francisco and should be home before noon. She had been anticipating the next few moments ever since Paul had called from the baggage claim and she confirmed that Paddy was at day camp until 3:30 and that the girls could stay at the daycare until 5:30. To be honest, CJ had been anticipating this moment ever since Sunday morning, when Paul had flown to Atlanta and the symposium on religion and bioethics. It was the longest they had been apart since they had married almost three years ago.

The door from the garage opened and Paul came into the kitchen. He carried the clerical shirt and collar he had removed as soon as he got into his car at SFO. The white cotton polo shirt was just tight enough to emphasize the hours spent in the gym on campus.

CJ walked into Paul's arms. They kissed briefly, then held each other closely, each grateful to be together again. As CJ buried her face into Paul's neck, she drank in the closeness of his arms around her, the comfort of his height above her, and the smells of his cologne, his deodorant, and his perspiration. Everything combined to give her a profound sense of security, of rightness, of grounding.

Paul's lips kissed her ear, her cheek, and then her mouth. His kiss deepened into her mouth as his arms grasped her tighter. His right hand scooped up her skirt and slipped down to her fanny. His fingers reached down the back of her panties and pushed them down her legs; his hand reached between her legs and his fingers managed to tease against her core. She fleetingly realized that she should have slipped off her underwear when came back from dropping off the girls, or at least when she got the call from the airport. Her husband did like it when he had uninhibited access to her. She pulled his shirt out of his slacks and clutched at his warm back.

CJ broke away from Paul's mouth and said "bedroom" in his ear. Paul's response was to recapture her mouth, move her backwards, lift her to the counter, and slip off the undergarment.

CJ draped her arms around Paul's neck as he kissed her neck while loosening his belt and lowering the zipper on his slacks.

CJ gasped as he played with her and gasped again as he buried himself in her warmth. Paul's fingers, splayed on her hips, pulled her toward him as his length and thickness filled her; his thumbs teased against her throbbing flesh.

But Paul's need was too great and he exploded inside her too soon.

"It's okay," CJ told her husband as he found the voice to make his apologies. "We've still got two hours."

Forty-five minutes later, Paul was in much more control of himself as he moved over his wife's body. He sank in slowly and put a hand to either side of CJ's head. Buried to the hilt, not moving, he kissed her forehead, then raised his face and smiled at her.

"Do your exercises, sweetheart."

Two months ago, when he had noticed that his wife was no longer going without her underwear, he assumed that it was because Paddy was growing older and that she no longer felt comfortable without the garment. A week later, CJ mentioned that she needed to leave the kids in day care until he could get to them; she had a late afternoon appointment with her doctor. When he expressed some concern, she shyly told him that she had started "leaking" when she coughed, laughed, or sneezed. She was even worried that sometime, she might leak when he was, well, "down there".

He kissed CJ and told her that it wouldn't be the world's worst tragedy. After the visit, when she told him that Mariska wanted her to "try the exercises for a couple of months before we go to the drugs", he immediately saw the beneficial possibilities. Very often, he would remain still when first joining with her, giving her something to grip against until the tightening and relaxing of her muscles shredded his control.

This afternoon, most likely because his initial hunger had been assuaged, Paul was in still in control of himself but could see that CJ needed more.

He kissed her eyes, then stared into them. Supporting himself on his left arm, he stroked her jaw with his right hand.

"She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her."

CJ smiled and Paul smiled back at her. She had adjusted to hearing him quote scripture during intimacy. T

he first time he had done so, during their honeymoon ("Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor: thy belly is like a heap of wheat set about with lilies."), he saw the shock on her face.

Later, they had talked about it. ("If it bothers you, sweetheart, I'll try to stop.")

CJ told him that, on reflection, it seemed "kind of neat". She told him about the Valentine's Day Mass when Danny read the last lines of Proverbs, his eyes never leaving her face. (Paul made a note to himself to avoid that particular passage.) She told him about her initial sudden understanding of what it meant to be man and woman after her first time with Danny, and then her growing acceptance of "deference" after talking with President and Mrs. Bartlet, but told him that "quoting chapter and verse" during sex was a technique unknown to her until now.

"Well, you Catholics are notorious for not reading the Bible," Paul joked, "except for your celibate priests, so I'm not surprised."

Paul tried very hard and did manage to hide the slight twinge of hurt when CJ talked about finally understanding  
Genesis and Ephesians. After all, he told himself, he and she were both so very young during those magical years in the 1980's. Also, he rationalized, he had been her first serious relationship. He couldn't expect her to appreciate a good man until she had had some exposure to a bastard or two.

So now, almost three years later, Paul knew that being in a man of God's bed was something CJ valued; she knew that very few women of her faith tradition had the experience.

"_Unless you're married to a one-time seminarian turned total nerd," Abbey told Brianna. "But that thing with Proverbs was a good touch, Danny. Danny? Where did Danny and Alicia go?"_

_Brianna told Abbey about the Swirling Dance and also told her that lately, "whenever Paul and CJ, ah, um, Danny and Alicia get ideas"._

_Abbey's eyes lit up; something to anticipate enjoying when Jed joined her up here._

CJ made some anxious movements, indicating that she wanted to peak now, but Paul decided that they needed something else. CJ whimpered in protest as he withdrew from her; she whimpered more joyously when he shifted down, put his shoulders under her legs and rose on his arms, lifting her limbs up in the air and tilting her pelvis to give him as much depth as possible.

"Every inch of you; I want every inch of you," CJ panted as Paul ground himself against her in order to give her what she needed for climax.

Paul knew what he was doing. CJ shrieked in release and, feeling his own need taking control over his body, he lowered himself so her legs could slip off and circle his waist inside of his neck. The penetration was less deep, but he was also in less danger of hurting her when he gave in to his passion.

Afterward, Paul held her close; as he looked back on the afternoon, picturing the two of them in the kitchen, he was amazed at himself. There he was, a middle-aged man, unable to do more than expose her genitalia to his before connecting with her. There he was, a middle-aged man, unable to wait the few seconds it would take to walk from the kitchen to the bedroom that he had put much thought and much expense in furnishing their bedroom with things designed to enhance their sexual pleasure.

The bed was wide and long, expertly made to be silent no matter how intense the activity, the mattress covered with lush padding to cushion and protect their bodies over a firmness that would keep whoever was on the bottom in flush contact with whoever was on top. Tucked under the bed skirt was a padded bench that would put CJ at just the right height for him when she knelt over the side of the bed, raising her hips at the perfect angle.

The backless bench at the foot of the bed was just the right width for him to sit astride and have her sit on him, either facing him or with her back to him, without cramping their legs.

The back of the oversized easy chair was also made to her measurements, allowing her to stand behind it and bend over without straining. The extra wide seat left room for her to kneel on either side of him, allowing his mouth perfect access to the center of her sensuality. And with the use of an extra seat cushion and another properly fashioned kneeling bench, she could sit, draping her thighs over the arm rests while he joined with her.

Apparently, he loved his wife enough to act like a horny youngster stealing an opportune moment.

Later, as they showered together, he drew her back against his torso and kissed where her neck met her shoulder.

"If anyone had told me, three years ago, that I would be this horny, I would have asked them what they were taking, or smoking," Paul told her. "I don't know about you, but I hope it's a long time before we have to go through this again. Five days without you is at least three days too many." How in the world did Danny manage for two weeks several times a year? He thought to himself.

"_With gritted teeth, Angus' whiskey, and cold showers. But she was well worth it."_

Then Paul noticed that CJ stiffened slightly in his arms and moved her head so that her neck was no longer against his lips.

"Ah, about that," she said hesitantly.

"Sweetheart?" He turned her around, not quite sure what she was trying to tell him _("Surely not __**that**__!" Alicia said, her eyes becoming concerned.)_, and raised her head so her eyes met his.

"Wednesday night, it was so bad, every time I moved, I wanted you so much, it literally hurt; anyway, I was in here and - ". He followed her eyes to the hand-held shower massage unit with its seven different pulsating speeds.

Paul's first thought was ego-satisfying pride that his wife was so used to being fulfilled that after three days without him, she needed to take matters into his own hands.

His second thoughts contained the beginnings of self-doubt. Were there other times, times when he was here, that, whether or not she acted on it, she felt need, that he had not been enough? Thinking back over the past year, they had begun to have some days, never more than three or four a month, when they did not engage in intimacy. He hadn't thought much of it, especially because there were many more days each month when they reached for each other morning as well as night (and sometimes in the afternoon when their schedules and those of the children all meshed together).

But there were also some occasions when he did not immediately become rampant at her advances. Of course, once she took him in hand (or mouth), everything was all systems go at full throttle. Every time (except those when she wanted to "take care of him") ended with him burying his hardness into her softness and releasing the way God intended. He hadn't had any thought of being less than what she needed – until now.

"Do you mind?"

Her question brought him back to the situation at hand.

"Of course not," he kissed the tip of her nose. "I'm flattered, actually.

"But, CJ, have there been other times, times when we're together, when you've gone without, or not approached me?"

"No!" she clasped his waist and held his groin against hers. "Why would you ever think that?"

"Well, sweetheart, I am closer to sixty than fifty. And men lose their vigor earlier than women do. If it is an issue, please tell me, so I can see about getting a prescription - "

CJ lifted her fingers to his lips.

"Someday, we may need pills, but not today, not now. Obviously," she giggled as she moved her stomach against the solid evidence between them. "We only have a few minutes." CJ kissed them, then broke away. She lowered herself to her knees on the shower floor and bent over the bench.

Paul knelt behind her and grasped her hips.

With one hand able to reach her pulsating need, a few minutes were all they needed.

They were relathered, rerinsed, dried, and dressed in plenty of time for Paul to get in the van to pick up Caitlin and Dansha from daycare, in plenty of time for CJ to meet Paddy at the corner bus stop, complete with his latest day camp project – a cook stove fashioned from a tomato juice can, complete with the tightly coiled corrugated cardboard stuffed into a tuna can and soaked in wax. ("Mama, can Derrick and I sleep outside and cook our eggs on it?")

Paul had been eating restaurant, airline, and hotel food since Sunday afternoon. He was only too happy to grill halibut, zucchini, tomatoes, and mushrooms for supper. (the kids preferred the package of Kraft ® Macaroni and Cheese to the grilled tomatoes and mushrooms, but did eat their zucchini.)

After dinner, they sat outside on the deck, watching the fireflies come out as dusk fell. Caitlin and Dansha glued themselves to their father, one on each side. The little girls had a small argument. Each one wanted the book that Papa had bought for **her** to be the first one read aloud. Paddy tried to be a big boy, but he also told Papa all about his week at day camp (and didn't let his official Atlanta Braves junior Louisville Slugger out of his sight).

When bedtime came, there was a bit of fuss at first, especially from Paddy, but that disappeared when it was pointed out that the faster they went to sleep, the faster Saturday would come. Saturday meant Grandpa Joe and Derrick would be there. And the faster Saturday came, the faster Sunday, when they would drive up to Albion, would come.

The family would be in Albion for about six weeks. With any luck, Derrick would arrive before noon. Joe's flight from JFK was due in the early afternoon.

Actually, Derrick had planned to drive up after work today, but when his father mentioned that he would be coming back from five days in Atlanta, the younger man immediately said he would "get up early Saturday rather than disturb you late Friday night". Tom and Deborah would be taking their delayed honeymoon after June 30, when Tom's first year in residency was over; they would stop by for about five days at the end of July, after a similar visit to the Jeffersons in Jersey and before heading back to Alaska.

Abbey Bartlet's memorial at the Josiah E. Bartlet library would be dedicated the second weekend in August. Ginger and Rick were hosting the annual reunion around the event. Chartered tour buses would transport everyone from Newport to Manchester and back again.

After their trip to New England, it would be time to gear up for the new academic year. CJ had her dissertation outlined, but wouldn't begin work until September. ("I want to enjoy the kids; they're growing up so fast.")

Lately, Paddy had decided that he was too old to be read to, so Paul and CJ had told him that he could read in bed as late as he wanted, as long as he stayed in his room after his bedtime, and as long as he was up in time for whatever the next day held – school, church, or other activities – or by 8:30 at the latest.

This night, the children's circadian clocks were cooperative. Caitlin and Dansha drifted off after fifteen minutes. Paul kissed his daughters, tucked in their covers, and stole from the room. He checked in on Paddy, who was softly snoring over his open book, shut off the light, and tousled the hair that looked so much like his mother's.

Paul returned to the deck and lay on one of the chaises. Night had conquered dusk, and the fireflies continued to dance in Wildcat Canyon behind the house.

"Here."

Paul looked up to see CJ holding a glass of Aisling's cordial toward him. Taking it from her, he smiled, and, putting one leg on the deck pulled her into the resulting vee between his legs.

CJ rested her back against her husband's chest. Paul kissed the side of her head, then held the cordial glass to her lips. After she drank, he took a sip for himself, bringing his left arm around her under her breasts, noticing that she was braless.

"What do you need from me tomorrow, sweetheart? For the trip?" he spoke softly in her ear.

"Put your things from Atlanta in the wash if you want them in Albion. Pack. Check out the van. The rest of the usual manly stuff." CJ took the glass from his hand and drank the rest of the liquid. "I missed you, Paul Reeves."

"And I missed you." His right hand, no longer holding a glass, found its way under her skirt. The bra was not the only missing undergarment. Paul sighed appreciatively.

Then the sigh turned into a yawn.

"Are you TIRED!, darling? Should we GO! to sleep now? You've been up since 2:30 OUR! Time."

"Well, to bed, at least," Paul chuckled as his fingers continued to work their magic. Then he moved his hand and gently pushed her to her feet.

"Go," he ordered. "I'll be there as soon as I lock up."

By the time Paul got to the bedroom, CJ had undressed and slipped into a cotton lace gown. As he took her in his arms, she undid his shorts, pulled his T-shirt over his head, and pushed the shorts and boxers down to his knees. CJ lifted her foot and pushed them down to the floor.

Once in bed, she pushed him to his back and climbed over his legs. For the third time in less than ten hours, she would do the heavy lifting.

Afterward, Paul stroked her hair as she lay against his shoulder.

"What's so funny?" he asked as she giggled into the mat of hair on his chest.

"Definitely no need for little pills just yet," she said.

"Sweetheart?"

"Yes?" CJ wondered what her husband was about to ask of her. His voice sounded so hesitant.

"Sometime, if it doesn't make you uncomfortable, will you show me what you did Wednesday with the shower head?"

Her smile in the moonlight was all the answer he needed.

And as they nodded off, Paul recited in his head the words that belonged to Danny Concannon.

"The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

"She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life."


	17. Early to Bed, Late to Rise

**Early to Bed, Late to Rise**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC, a whole boatload of West Wingers; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult –

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul.

Feedback and criticism always welcomed.

**7:30 EDT, Tuesday, August 16, 2016; Newport, RI**

"I'm going to build a fire." Sam Seaborn led the way into the large hallway on the second floor of Rick's family's Newport estate.

"As I recall, you, old houses, and fireplaces are not the best possible mix, Sam," Toby said as he shed the heavy poncho he was wearing. "Maybe you should let Larry or me do it."

"That was over fifteen years ago, Toby!" Josh exclaimed. "When will you guys let go of it?"

"Let go of what?" Ed came into the room, followed by Jesse Muñoz. They also were wearing ponchos which they removed.

"Hey, guys, look at the puddles. These floors are going to get ruined," Charlie picked up the pile of dripping ponchos. "Come on, let's get some towels." Ed and Larry followed Charlie toward the kitchen while the rest of the men headed toward the large informal living room.

As predicted, the hurricane had been downgraded to a tropical storm by the time it crossed the North Carolina-Virginia border and then turned out into the Atlantic by the time it reached the Mason-Dixon line. However, a sudden shift in the jet stream brought the storm northward again, right over New England. It caught the men, who were out fishing on Rick's sailing yacht, in its downpour.

When Sam and Josh entered the living room, a large fire was already burning in the fireplace. They were surprised to see Donna, Morgan, Ginger, and Bonnie gathered about the warmth, wrapped in blankets and holding steaming cups.

"What are you doing here?" Josh asked as Donna came up and kissed him. "We thought that you would have stayed in Provincetown."

The women had been flown to the tip of Cape Cod, compliments of Sam's plane, for the day. The children had remained at the Newport estate, where a day of swimming, pizza, and other fun had been planned for them.

"The pilots felt it would be safe to fly back, and we wanted to be here with you and the kids," Morgan said, "so we prayed a bit and made it safely. I was more concerned crossing the bridge from the airport to here than I was in the air."

"I think I'll have a word or two with Phil. He should have called me," Sam said. "The power's out?" Sam finally noticed that there were a couple of lanterns in the room.

"The staff said it went out about two hours ago. We've got a generator, of course, but it's basically for the refrigerators, the freezer, the furnace in winter, a television, the lights in the bathrooms," Ginger told him. "And even if your wife and the rest of us are only frail little women incapable of making rational decisions, how was the pilot supposed to reach you when you were out on raging seas?"

"I'm on your shit list, aren't I?" Sam asked Ginger, who nodded her head.

"And mine," said the First Lady of California.

"Where's Nancy?" Jesse and the others came into the room.

"Nancy, Margaret, and some of the others are in the hot tub. It's still warm, although the jets don't work. Zoey and Andy went on to bed."

"What about CJ?" Toby asked, looking for his friend.

"I think she's napping also," Ginger answered. "Why?"

Then Ginger looked around. "Where's the rest of you? Where's Rick?" Her voice began to show signs of panic.

"He's at the hospital - ", Josh started.

"What's the matter?" The panic in Ginger's voice was now full-blown.

"Rick's fine," John Hoynes hastened to assure her. "He just went along because he lives here, he knows people."

Then Toby explained that while they were trying to get back to port, one of the masts cracked. In the rush of getting out of the way, Jean-Luc knocked an anchor from the top of a storage bin and it started falling toward the cooler. Paul tried to catch it and it fell on his foot. Vic was pretty sure that the ankle was broken. An ambulance met them at the dock. Rick, Jean-Luc, and Vic went to the ER with Paul.

"That was about two hours ago. It took us that long to find our way back here. Lots of roads are blocked with high water. We were hoping that they would be back here before you girls – women – got back from P-town. CJ's going to be - ".

"I'm going to be what?" CJ came into the room, tightening the ends of the belt of her bathrobe.

"CJ, honey, please," Josh started toward her.

"Don't 'honey' and 'please' me," CJ answered. Then she looked around, trying to find the face she suddenly realized was not in the room. "Where's my husband?" Not again, she thought, not a second time, please!

"_No, Jeannie, it's not that!" Danny put an arm around CJ and brushed his lips against her forehead._

"_Relax, girlfriend," Alicia grabbed at CJ's hands. _

"CJ, relax!" Donna hurried up to her friend and put an arm around her. "It's nothing like that!" She threw a "You idiot!" look in Josh's direction.

"It's nothing, really," Sam hastened to tell her.

"Where is he?" CJ demanded.

"Right here," came the voice from the entrance into the room.

Paul made his way into the living room, managing the crutches with relative ease. His left ankle was encased in white. Rick, Jean-Luc, and Vic followed the minister into the room.

Sam helped Paul ease himself onto one of the couches. In answer to CJ's persistent questions, Josh repeated the story, failing to catch Toby's warning stare.

"You tried to catch an **anchor!** To save a **cooler**!" CJ exploded.

"In Paul's defense, the cooler was full of beer." Josh interrupted, trying to be helpful.

"What in hell were you thinking?" CJ continued as if Josh had not spoken a syllable.

"CJ, we'll discuss this later," Paul said. His voice was soft, but CJ heard the slight twinge of annoyance. She realized that just as she had done so many years ago when Danny took on the crazies who were keying the cars in Santa Monica, she was airing private issues in front of others.

"Sorry," she mouthed to him and was rewarded with a slight smile.

"I'm tired, cold, wet, hungry, and aching, not necessarily in that order of importance," Paul said. "If I could get a trash bag or something to cover my foot, I'd like to go upstairs, shower, and get into bed. That is, if there's hot water?" He looked at Ginger.

"You're in luck," Ginger answered. "You're in the wing with gas water heaters."

Rick had stepped into the kitchen and came back with a trash bag and some twine, which he handed to CJ.

Vic handed CJ a bottle of pills. "No alcohol; if possible, have him hold the foot out of the shower, even with the bag."

"We'll send up some food," Ginger added. There was another fireplace in the kitchen with two pots of soup heating up over the flames. (Cans of tomato, and vegetable, and Manhattan clam chowder were mixed in one; the other held potato and French onion.)

Twenty-five minutes later, CJ was helping Paul from the shower and drying his body. She had already apologized to her husband, who kissed her lightly while balancing on one crutch and told her that he knew as soon as he reached for the anchor that he was "being an idiot". The two of them had agreed that the matter was best forgotten.

CJ maneuvered a pair of boxers over Paul's ankles.

"Do you need help getting them up the rest of the way?"

"Need, no, but want, yes," Paul smiled at her. "Not that I can do much after that," he laughed, then grimaced in pain.

CJ laughed in return and pulled the underwear up over her husband's groin. She had just handed him a T-shirt when there was a knock on the door.

"Room service." Sam's voice came through the door.

CJ opened it to see the governor of California holding a tray with two large bowls of soup (one of each variety), a couple of tuna sandwiches, a pot of tea, cups, and a glass of brandy.

"Vic reiterated, the brandy's for you and not Paul, CJ."

After they ate, CJ slipped into a sleep shirt, gave Paul two of his pills, and slipped into bed beside her husband.

Luckily, Paul was a back sleeper, so having his ankle in a cast was not as bad as it could have been. CJ curled up against his right side,

"When I realized you weren't with the others, I was so - ".

"I know, sweetheart," Paul replied sleepily, brushing a kiss against her forehead.

"If anything happened to - ".

She was interrupted by a light snore.

CJ reached up and kissed her husband's chest, then snuggled down into the warmth of his arm.

**8:45 AM; Wednesday morning**

Sam and Morgan came up to the table where Josh and Donna were drinking coffee. Josh was holding a half-eaten cherry Danish while the dry bagel and bowl of cantaloupe chunks in front of Donna indicated that she was eating healthy, at least for this meal.

The storm was a thing of the past and sunshine poured down on the terrace. There were a few wispy clouds in the bright blue sky; the wind was brisk but not that intense.

"I'm pretty sure the streak will be broken today," Sam told Josh. "With that cast, there's no way - Anyway, I'm picking Nancy and Jesse as the new red hot lovers. No kids and all."

"You lose. They've already eaten and have gone down to the beach, looking for driftwood."

For the past five mornings, Paul and CJ had been the last couple down to breakfast in the morning. Only on the first day, when everyone had to be up early for the bus ride to Manchester and the dedication of Abbey Bartlet's memorial at the Bartlet Presidential Library grounds, did the two of them come downstairs with everyone else.

On Monday, when the teasing from the other men had become more plentiful, Paul had laughed lightly and said that he was an old man, and needed his sleep.

"With all due respect, Paul," John Hoynes had answered, "I don't think that the smile on your face and the glow in CJ's eyes is the result of extra REM time."

"And we don't have any kids to be concerned about on this trip; we wanted to catch up on our rest," Paul had added. He and CJ had decided to turn the time in New England into a second (well, third, counting the weekend last November) honeymoon. Paddy, Caitlin, and Dansha were in Napa with Gina, Randy, Gina's mother, and her great-aunt Sophia.

"I don't think it's sleep you're catching up on; I've seen you yawning in the afternoon," Josh had said.

Then Sam had joined in the conversation.

"Not for nothing, but it's good to know that CJ is happy, that you've made her happy, after Danny. She's been a sister to all of us and we want the best for her. I think you're it."

So now, two days later, Sam and Josh decided on a friendly wager, with Josh postulating that CJ and Paul would still be the last couple downstairs and Sam stating that another pair would take that honor. The loser would have to fetch beers for the winner today and tomorrow.

"_Sam's gonna lose big time, isn't he, Ben?" Simon Donovan said as he teed off on the Alpha Centauri course._

"_So what else is new?" Ben answered as he reached for his clubs. "For such a brilliant political mind, Sam can be so dense. Right, Danny? Danny? Where'd Danny go?"_

"_Alicia came by," Jem answered._

"_We're supposed to play on without him," Hugh added._

At the same time, in the bedroom occupied by the Reeves', Paul drank the rest the rest of his tea and set down his mug on the bedside table. He was sitting up in the bed, his back against the headboard.

CJ sat at her husband's side, facing him. With her legs crossed, her sleep shirt barely covered the top of her thighs and her minor movements caused tantalizing views to appear and then disappear.

Finally, Paul reached for CJ's mug and gently took it from her hands. After setting the cup beside his own, he reached for her head, and, a hand on each side of her jaw, began kissing her mouth, soft, slurping little kisses, making gentle sucking sounds as his mouth first surrounded hers and then pulled off her lips.

After a few minutes, CJ put her arms around Paul's neck and started kissing him in the same manner.

Paul sighed breathily and reached for the hem of her nightwear, lifting her arms in the air as he removed the shirt from her body. On the way down, his left hand stopped at CJ's neck and grasped the back of it. His right hand continued down until it covered her left breast.

Paul broke away and, using his elbows for support, lowered his body down the bed until he was flat on his back.

"Kneel over me, sweetheart. Kneel over my mouth."

A little later, Paul helped a quivering CJ slide down his body. She lowered her head to his chest and kissed his neck in between her quieting pants.

When she was breathing steadily, CJ lifted herself from Paul's torso and moved further down his body. When she reached his hips, she raised hers and, taking his length in her hands, lowered herself onto him. He put his hands on her hips to steady her as she descended, bringing their groins together.

CJ began to move, more back and forth and around than up and down. Paul kept his hands on her, more for support than for direction.

"Is this okay?" She wanted to pleasure her husband, but was concerned that her actions might cause pain.

Looking down at Paul, the look she received in return took her back to their very first weekend together, to the time he taught her how to satisfy a man (and herself) in this position.

"Take it slowly, sweetheart," he had told her as he kept her from plunging down too quickly and as he watched her face carefully for any sign of discomfort. For a while, he controlled her movements, but then moved his hands from her hips to her waist and to her breast as she acclimated to the motion.

"Am I doing it alright?" CJ had asked him.

It started with upturned lips. Then those lips had spread apart in a wide smile as the glow reached Paul's eyes. As his eyelids crinkled, he had told her that she was "doing it just fine". Then he had moved his thumb to her core; she had shrieked at the burst of pleasure and then blushed as Paul first laughed and then pulled her face to his for a kiss.

His hair, his beard, and his mustache were now dark grey, but the look of satisfied happiness was the same. Paul's left hand left her hip and moved to the small of her back, where it spread out to give her support. The fingers of his right hand pressed in against her stomach while his thumb moved around and then over the throbbing core of her.

Paul brought her to climax and then moved his hands so that both thumbs rested on either side of that little protuberance. His large hands rested along the tops of her legs, his fingers on the curve of her hips. He urged her into a faster pace, a more intense motion.

They had both learned in the years between that first weekend in Berkeley and the present; they came together in a vigorous motion, the balance just right to allow for maximum thrusting impact without separation.

Twenty minutes later, Sam conceded defeat as Bonnie and Jean-Luc came into the living area and headed for the breakfast buffet. Paul and CJ were the only ones not yet downstairs.

Twenty-fives minutes after that, Paul and CJ once again were the targets of good-natured kidding as they finally made their appearance. Paul's explanation ("I was practicing walking with the crutches") was greeted with general disbelief, at least by the adults.

**Early afternoon**

"Oh, my God! Donnie! **NO!!**"

Morgan's voice drowned out the other conversation around the pool. Seventeen month old Donald Leo Seaborn was walking backwards and was approximately nine inches from the deep end of the pool. With the speed of an NFL Hall of Fame running back, Morgan reached her son, scooped him up, and clasped him to her.

"Donnie!" she yelled again. "You scared me half to death! Don't ever do that again!"

The little boy started crying just as Sam reached his wife and son.

"Mommy scare me. Me fwighten!" The toddler reached for his father.

"Mommy didn't mean to frighten you, Donnie. But **you** scared **her**. You could have fallen into the water. You need to be careful around water. And I think it's time for a nap. I'll read you a story, okay?" The governor of California walked toward the house with his son in his arms.

"_Erin did the same thing at the same age," Caitlin Concannon told Esther Dawson. "We were up on Mackinac, before the big fight between my Paddy and Siobhan's father. I nearly died of fright." _

"_Joe didn't scare the devil out of me until he started playing football. But there was one time, his last game during his junior year of high school – Theo, be careful!"_

"_Meemaw, it's heaven and I'm already dead!"_

"_Watch your mouth, boy! There are switches in heaven!" _

The situation was quickly diffused. Most of the younger children had no inkling about what had taken place. However, one little blonde-headed, not quite six year old girl observed the scene with much interest.

"Uncle Paul, do you like my bird?"

Ít's a beautiful bird, Clarissa. I thank you very much." Paul smiled down at Carol and David's older child.

They were gathered around the swimming pool. The ocean was still much too rough for swimming or boating, so just about everyone was either at the pool or at the tennis court, where Charlie, Josh, John, and David were engaged in a doubles match.

All the children wanted to draw on Paul's cast (or at least sign their names) and the minister was obliging them. His leg was propped up on a hassock and a small table held markers in eight colors.

"Here you go." CJ kissed the top of her husband's head as she handed him a glass of lemonade.

"Aunt CJ, I'm drawing a boat!" Noah Lyman put a final flourish on a sail. "Be sure to show it to Paddy. I still wish he would have come. I'm tired of all these little kids."

"I see, sweetie. It's a very nice boat and I will let him know. Look, I think they're starting to play Marco Polo in the shallow end."

CJ and Paul watched as Donna and Josh's oldest jumped into the middle of the game.

"Thank you, sweetheart," Paul said before taking a sip of his drink. "I can only imagine the mischief that Paddy and Noah would have gotten into if our kids were here."

"Speaking of which, did you save any room for them on your cast?"

"They'll have a clean canvas, as it were. Vic is getting me something to cover over everything. I'll take care of it on the trip back. I'm glad we accepted Sam's offer to fly up with him, Morgan, Gemma, and Donnie. Getting home with this cast on a regular flight wouldn't have been much fun. Speaking of the kids, when I called Derrick to let him know what happened, he insisted on driving up on Thursday night. He's going to go get the kids from Gina and Randy on Friday morning for us."

One of Derrick's Oberlin fraternity brothers was getting married Sunday afternoon in San Francisco and Derrick was acting as groomsman.

"Joannie, please be careful!" Donna called out to her daughter. The little girl was running around the table where a fruit and veggie tray, some turkey sandwiches, and various cookies were available for those who couldn't wait the hotdogs that Rick and Ed were tending on the grill.

"I wonder how long this 'The triplets are little kids' phase that Noah's going through is going to last. Up until now, we could treat them pretty much equally, but this past year, with Noah in regular first grade, he insists that he's older and shouldn't be lumped in with Leo, Mikey, and Joannie. Of course the fact that due to the way birthdays fall, there's only fifteen months between them age-wise, but two years, school-wise, doesn't help. You know, I seriously thought about leaving the DNC and home schooling them," Donna told CJ and Paul.

"Home school? You? I thought I was going to get run out of the party for sending my kids to Montessori rather than public schools," CJ said amusedly.

"It wouldn't be because I thought the school was teaching my kids a 'one world philosophy' or any of the other exclusionist ideas. It would have been because they wouldn't be challenged enough in the classroom. But Ginger pointed out that once the kids get into kindergarten and first grade, they can be put in challenging classes, if such classes are available – Joannie, I said stop that running! – so my next strategy is to get more involved with the school district, to make sure that there will be an enrichment program when the others are in the system."

"As much as I love my girls, I love having the little break from them," Bonnie said. "They spend three mornings in day care although Jean-Luc and I really only need someone else watching them on two of those mornings -". Bonnie blushed as she realized what she had just revealed.

Paul and CJ just looked at each other and smiled while Donna and Zoey teased Bonnie, who decided to change the subject.

"Zoey, have you heard anything from Liz or your father?"

The former President had come back to Newport with them late Friday afternoon after the dedication with the intention of staying with the group at Rick and Ginger's. However, on Saturday morning, they received word that Lord Marbury's widowed mother had died and Jed flew out to London on Sunday in order to be by his friend's side. Liz accompanied her father. The funeral had been earlier today.

"Liz emailed last night. She and Dad are going to stay in England for a week. Come here, Maragail." Zoey held out her hands and almost three year old Marilyn Abigail Young came running into them. The little girl giggled as she splattered water all over her mother and placed a loud kiss on Zoey's cheek.

CJ looked a little more closely at Zoey. I think she may be pregnant, she thought to herself. She has that glow. New life in a family that had recently suffered a sudden loss would be a good thing.

"_She is," Abbey Bartlet whispered to Helen Santos. _

_The two of them were attending Dolly Madison's tea party for First Ladies. By unspoken agreement, they avoided the table with Abigail Adams and Eleanor Roosevelt. Neither of them were in the mood for political arguments._

A loud crash caught their attention. The table holding the snacks was on its side and Joannie Lyman was covered with bits of food.

"Come here!" Donna commanded her daughter as the other women went to clean up the mess.

"Didn't I tell you twice to stop running around?"

The little girl nodded her head up and down.

"But did you listen to me?"

The blonde tresses swished as the head moved side to side.

"Young lady, I want you to just sit here for about fifteen minutes and think about what happened and why." Donna indicated the cushion at her side.

"But Sev and the other big boys were going to take us for a walk on the beach. They said there would be lots of pretty shells," Joannie whined.

Donna fixed her daughter with a stare. The little girl sighed and plopped herself on the cushion.

Two minutes later, the tennis players joined the group around the pool.

"Victory is mine! Victory is mine!" Josh proclaimed to all who were listening (and all who weren't.)

Joannie left her cushion and ran up to her father.

"Daddy! Hurray!" She raised her arms to her father, who lifted her in his.

"Joannie, did I say you could get up?" Donna asked.

Joannie put all the emotion she could into her voice. "Daddy, Mommy's scaring me! I'm afraid!" She rested her head on Josh's shoulder and gave her mother a triumphant look.

"And you should be, Joan Elizabetta," Donna said. "Be afraid. Be very, very afraid."

Josh Lyman worshiped his daughter, but Josh Lyman also adored his wife. And Josh Lyman was no fool.

"And what did you do, my child, to upset your mother?"

Josh followed the direction of his daughter's eyes and saw the mess.

"How long were you supposed to sit by Mommy?"

"Fifteen minutes."

"Well, now it's twenty, and it's in the house." Josh signaled for Lisa, one of the _au pairs_, asked her to take Joannie to the nursery where Vicki, another _au pair_, was with the napping Donnie Seaborn and Alexis Ziegler. He set Joannie on her feet and gave her a little half smack, half pat on her butt as he pushed her toward the young woman.

Paul noticed the unspoken message that passed between Josh and Donna. ("Thank you." "Did you expect anything less than total support?")

"Sorry about that, Paul," Josh said.

"We've all been through it," the minister smiled at them.

"When will it get easier?" Donna asked.

"If you're lucky, in about eighteen years," Paul laughed.

**1:55 PM PDT,Friday afternoon; Kensington, CA**

CJ eased the Camry into the garage of their home and sighed. It had been a long day.

Sam's plane left Providence at 8:30 this morning, Eastern time, and they had arrived in Sacramento at noon. Sam had arranged for their car to be brought to the airport and the drive home had been relatively uneventful.

"I'll get your crutches." CJ had just stepped out of the car when the door from the kitchen opened and Paddy ran out, followed by Caitlin.

"Mama! Papa!"

Derrick walked into the garage, carrying Dansha in his arms.

"I'm glad you made it," the young lawyer said as he kissed CJ and handed her the little girl he was holding. "I need to be at the synagogue by 3:00." Then he grabbed the crutches and handed them to his father. Once Paul was balanced, the two men exchanged a hug.

A few minutes later, Paul was settled on the deck. Caitlin and Dansha were already drawing flowers on his newly whitewashed cast. Paddy was telling his sisters to leave room for him.

In response to CJ's question, Derrick was explaining his plans for the weekend. He told his parents that Neil's fiancée's grandmother was rather old-fashioned, which is why the wedding was taking place on Sunday afternoon rather than Saturday after sunset. However, another couple was getting married Saturday night, which is why they couldn't have the rehearsal the day before the wedding. And, of course, with services tonight, both rehearsals had to take place this afternoon.

"This way, I'll be back in time to handle the kids when the two of you are about ready to collapse," Derrick laughed.

"Won't your friends have plans after the rehearsal? You should be with them," Paul said.

"Actually, we have bachelor plans for tomorrow, not tonight, Dad. Anyway, I'd better get going. I should be back by 5:30." Derrick flashed a smile, tossed his linen sports jacket over his shoulder, and left the house.

They spent the afternoon outside. The girls played in the kiddie pool while Paddy splashed around the shallow end of the pool. At first, the boy started to protest when told he would have to get out whenever Mama had to go inside the house, but he quickly realized that Papa was serious when he said that he would not be able to get into the pool. Jasmine alternated between lying in the sun, lying in the shade, and chasing the birds and squirrels that invaded the enclosed back yard.

Derrick did get home about 5:30, changed into a suit, and joined Paddy in the pool. Under his brother's eye, Paddy was able to swim into deeper waters and even to practice diving from the ledge.

About 6:45, Paul and CJ began to show signs of their long day that had started on East coast time, and the children began to show signs of hunger. Derrick offered to take the kids out to eat "so the old folks can go to bed".

"Chuck E Cheese! Chuck E Cheese!" Paddy exclaimed.

"That's a half hour away, Paddy," Paul cautioned the child. The nearest one was down in Hayward.

Caitlin echoed her brother. Then Dansha added her voice.

"Cha Cheese!"

"Okay, Chuck E Cheese," Derrick laughed. "Let's all get changed."

Paddy was the first one dressed; he was inside watching TV and waiting for everyone else.

Derrick was next. While waiting for CJ to finish with the girls, he went back to the deck to sit with his father.

"Are you sure you want to spend your Friday night with three kids? Wouldn't you rather be somewhere with people your own age, meet some nice, single girls?"

"I've kind of given up the bar scene, Dad. Besides, who says I can't meet some nice girls at Chuck E Cheese?"

"I'm sure you can. But the nice girls at Chuck E Cheese are likely to be there with children – their own children."

"Dad, I can't believe that you, of all people, are telling me I should avoid women who happen to have children. Or do you think that I'm not capable of loving the children of the woman I love the way you love Paddy and Caitlin?"

"That's not what I meant to say and I apologize for giving that impression. But our situations are very different. I'm older, I've had experience with parenting, thanks to you and your sister," Paul smiled at his son. "Being a father to a ready-made family with no previous experience is not the easiest situation."

"But if you love the woman, it's worth it, right? And if it were to happen, I have you as a resource, right?"

"Of course and of course. But there's another consideration. What if the woman didn't want any more children? Could you deal with that?"

Derrick looked down at his hands. "I don't know. It's always been in the back of my mind, having kids. And especially since I've seen you and CJ, the idea of having them with a wife that I love as much as you loved Mom, and now CJ. It is special, isn't it, Dad?" Derrick looked around, lowered his voice. "With your own. I mean, I know you love Paddy and Caitlin, but Dansha is special; I can tell."

Paul nodded in agreement. "There is something about impregnating the woman you love, and having her want to have your child growing within her, either by planning beforehand or by accepting the pregnancy after the fact. To know that your love has produced another life, it's just so amazing."

_Danny looked at Cosmas, Damian, and Danielle. Alicia looked at Leslie and Theo. They smiled at each other and then they looked away, lost in memory_.

"We're ready!"

CJ came out with the girls and Paddy started chanting "Let's go!"

After helping Derrick put the kids in the van, CJ came back into the kitchen. Paul was balanced on one crutch, looking in the refrigerator.

"Supper?" She asked.

"I'm not that hungry. There's some sliced turkey in here. Maybe a sandwich."

"And some soup," CJ added. She rummaged through a cupboard and held up a carton of tomato rice soup for Paul's approval.

Twenty minutes later, they were seated at the table, their meal finished. CJ got up, rinsed the dishes, and put them in the dishwasher. Paul reached for his crutches, told CJ he was going to lock up, and pushed her toward the bedroom.

"I'll do that, darling," CJ said. "I can't believe we're going to sleep before sunset."

"Who said anything about sleep?"


	18. Fortyeight Hours

**Forty-eight Hours**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult –

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

**October 22, 2016; mid-afternoon; Kensington, CA**

"Umph!"

Paul turned around at the sound of the grunt coming from CJ's mouth and smiled involuntarily at the sight that met his eyes.

His wife was painting the dining room walls below the chair rail. Right now, she was working on the baseboard and in an attempt to get a smooth finish, her head was down at floor level. The resulting view of CJ's backside, covered by a pair of denim cut-off shorts, was extremely pleasing.

For some reason, his mind travelled back some forty years, to the summer between his senior year in high school and his freshman year at Dartmouth.

His paternal grandfather's family was having a reunion weekend in Binghamton; Paul, his brother Alex, and his cousin Gary, who worked for IBM in Endicott, had just entered the kitchen of Gary's house. The afternoon was young, but Gary was already working on his second six-pack and was beginning to feel no pain.

Serena, Gary's wife of six months, was bending over an open oven, testing the cake layers she was baking.

"Hey there, sweetcheeks!" Gary walked up behind his wife and lightly smacked her butt.

"Gary!" Serena straightened up and turned around quickly. "What the hell?"

"A woman stands like that, she's asking for one of two things," Gary replied, "and I'll save the other for later."

"Don't be taking any bets on later," Serena replied.

Paul heard anger in her voice, but the look in her eyes combined hurt and embarrassment.

In later years, Paul knew that the scene in his cousin's house was not the single defining event that led to his refusal to ever consider hitting a woman, not matter how lightly, no matter how much in jest, but he knew that it was one of several incidents that reinforced that decision over the intervening years.

It wasn't a stern moral disapproval. Paul knew of many couples where "love pats" were an accepted part of the relationship. His mind flew from southern upstate New York and forty years ago to Washington DC and the spring of '12, to the party at Rick and Ginger's where CJ and Danny announced that they were expecting another child, to the time right before the blood tests that forever altered the universe for Danny, for CJ, and for himself.

CJ had just finished telling a slightly embarrassing story about Danny and a hedge trimmer. "Show some respect, woman!" Danny had playfully growled and moved his hand toward CJ's fanny. CJ, in turn, had laughingly moved out of the path of his arm, making some comment about a man who would smack a pregnant woman and everyone joined in the laughter. Then Donna made some comment about Josh's lack of gardening skills. That time, the hand of the husband did make contact with the rear end of the wife. Donna's sharp "Josh-u-**AH!**" and her glare were also met with laughter, but it was clear to everyone that there would be some serious apologizing in the Lyman townhouse later that evening. No one other than Paul noticed the one woman in the group with the somewhat hungry look in neither her eyes, nor the smile on her lips when the man standing behind her whispered into her ear. It takes all kinds, Paul mused, and over his years in ministry, he had counseled several couples who partook in such activity behind closed doors.

So now, standing on a ladder and holding the X-Acto © knife he was using to trim the wallpaper around the dining room window, Paul had no desire to slap at the bottom that was so inadvertently but also so saucily presented to him.

However, he did feel a pleasant tightening in his groin as he realized that he did want to kneel behind her, to run his hands down those hips, to move those hands together over CJ's buttocks, to slip his hands under the shorts and the panties beneath and push the clothing down to her knees, to lower his zipper and to slide slowly and carefully into her softness while planting warm kisses interspersed with words of love on her neck, ears, and shoulders.

Which would be a very nice interlude if they were alone in the house. However, Paddy, Caitlin, and Dansha were in the family room, under the watchful eye of Brittany Roddick. When Paul last took a bathroom break, Dansha was staring at the television with a slightly puzzled look (it was a PBS special on the Kennedys), Paddy was playing tug-of-war with Jasmine, and Caitlin was showing Brittany her small collection of Barbie dolls and attendant paraphernalia. Paul sensed that twelve year old Brittany was excited over her first "paying job" and at the same time, enjoying the dolls that were probably still a part of her life.

The "paying" had been a small issue. When Paul and CJ approached Brittany and her parents about having the girl keep an eye on the kids and taking care of their needs while they were working on the dining room, Paul said that of course they would pay the going rate for teenaged babysitters in the neighborhood. Brittany's father responded that there would be no need to pay his daughter. ("She'll be glad to do it, I mean, it's not as if it was real babysitting. Brittany would just be sitting around the house reading, watching TV and talking with her friends anyway so why pay her for doing the same thing at your place?" Adam laughed.) However, Paul won the argument (as he usually did), earning him a grateful smile from the young pre-teen.

"Dad?"

For that matter, not only were they not alone in the house, they were not alone in the room. Derrick had come up for the weekend to help with the dining room makeover. He was holding a strip of paper, ready for it to be fitted into place.

The paper pattern was a stripe, shades of teal ranging from a medium greenish blue to a pale ice, so it was just a matter of getting it on the edge and plumb vertical; there was no need to line up a horizontal pattern. Following behind Paul and Derrick, the paint CJ was using matched one of the middle shades in the spectrum of the paper.

Paul took the sheet of paper from his son, positioned it, and smoothed it into place. This was the last piece that would have to be fitted around the window. Three more feet on this wall and the job would be done. Then they would help CJ with the painting. Another coat of paint tomorrow and they could get the furniture back into the dining room on Monday.

Paul had told his son although he, CJ, and the kids were always glad to see Derrick, there was no need to use up a day of his annual leave and stay until Monday afternoon. Paul could always ask Lee Hotchkiss to help him with the china cabinet, the credenza, the area rug, and the table.

"Surely you have better uses for your vacation, son."

Derrick reminded his father that he **had** taken time for himself. Two weeks ago, he had taken a four-day weekend to fly up to Cleveland in order to attend Homecoming at Oberlin. Thanksgiving week, he would be flying up to Alaska to visit with Deborah and Tom.

"Plus, I need to hang around so I can get one of the bottles that Ash is bringing with her tomorrow," Derrick laughed.

Danny Concannon's younger niece was coming over from St. Andrew's with her advisor. They would be taking part in a symposium at the Psychology department at Berkeley. Aisling would be arriving tomorrow, staying with them for the week. And she would be bringing over several bottles of the MacDonald pot-still whiskey that Paul and Derrick had come to appreciate very much.

Forty-five minutes later, Paul was rolling up the last scraps of paper and gathering up the papering tools.

CJ stood up and stretched, sighing contentedly as she arched backward, her hands on the small of her back.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?"

Paul walked over to his wife, taking in the sight of her in the cutoffs, one of his old undershirts, and a triangular bandanna tied gypsy style over her hair.

"You've got a smudge," Paul said as he wiped a drop of paint from her nose.

"And you've got paper schmutz." CJ smiled up at Paul and ran the tip of her thumb over his mustache. Smiling back at her, Paul kissed the base of her thumb as it moved across his upper lip.

For the moment, at least, they've forgotten that I'm here, Derrick thought to himself. He had moved the ladder to the open arch between the dining room and the family room and was painting the woodwork.

Earlier, Derrick had noticed the hungry look on his father's face when the man was staring at CJ kneeling on the floor and had hurriedly looked away. Derrick did not want to been seen observing what should be a private moment between a couple.

Derrick also did not want to start experiencing the same feelings his father was experiencing and the picture his stepmother presented was, in a word, erotic. And erotic feelings were something Derrick needed to avoid at the present time.

Derrick was still actively looking for the woman he could love the way his father had loved his mother and now loved CJ. He had dated five women since joining the Hollis staff on Cal Poly's campus, so he was having the same type of social life as he had had since leaving Columbus for Oberlin. However, except for one weekend in April, he had not bedded any of those women, and **that **was not situation normal for Derrick Reeves.

Given the realities of his generation, he was not careless or indiscriminate. Except for those first few months at college, he had been serially monogamous, and he had always practiced safe sex. However, he had also practiced recreational sex, usually consummating a relationship with a woman within a month of starting to date her. Before this year, the three months between breaking off things with Gillian two summers ago and the next girl in his life had been the longest celibate period in his life since his first foray in the back seat of his uncle Ned's Altima when he was seventeen. So when he saw his father's face, Derrick was afraid that his body would react in the same way his father's body was reacting.

Derrick had just decided to accidently drop his paint brush in order to call attention to himself when his parents apparently realized that there was someone else in the dining room and broke away from each other, each face with a smile that was part amusement, part shared secrecy, and just a small part embarrassment.

"_Thank Them!" Danny exclaimed. "I was just about ready to try to knock over the paint can."_

"_Not on that hardwood floor!" Alicia had no compunction about taking a swat at Danny's butt. "Let's go swimming!"_

_The two of them flew over to Aquarius._

By 4:30, everything that required painting had been giving one coat. Derrick, Paddy, and Jasmine walked Brittany home.

Paddy was glad that Brittany was gone.

When Mama and Papa first told them that Brittany was going to "be in charge" while the two of them and Derrick were working, Paddy complained that he wasn't a baby and didn't need a baby sitter. Then Derrick took him aside and said that the very act of carrying on like that would make Mama and Papa think that Paddy did indeed need a baby sitter. Instead of making a fuss, Paddy should just stay out of trouble and volunteer to make sure that Jasmine didn't come into the dining room and try to "help" paint.

So Paddy did as Derrick suggested even though it kind of hurt that Mama and Papa thought he was still a little kid. It was one thing to listen to Mama and Papa, or to other grown ups, but Brittany wasn't much bigger than he was.

After supper, Derrick went over to the city.

Thursday, when Derrick had called Brad Owens to see if his old coworker from Milligan, Landry would have time to meet for a drink, Brad told him that Barry Demos' wife was throwing a surprise birthday party for Barry on Saturday night; five minutes later, Sydney Demos called to personally invite Derrick to the event.

Paul had grilled hamburgers for supper, taking advantage of the beautiful October evening. Then they watched the latest Disney rerelease ("Lady and the Tramp") with the kids.

At 9:15, CJ walked into the study and ran her hand down the back of Paul's head.

"Well, the kids are asleep, even Paddy, and I think I'm about to follow them. It's been a busy day and we have a busy morning tomorrow."

By the time they had finished painting, there had been no time to get cleaned up and ready for church that evening, so they planned to go to 8:00 Mass and then to the 11:00 services at which Paul would be preaching.

Paul reached behind his head, grabbed her hand, and brought it to his lips.

"I'm just doing a final read through," he said, smiling up at her. "I won't be long." The unspoken message was please wait up for me, sweetheart. Her smile was her unspoken assent.

Fifteen minutes later, having locked up and having left a light for Derrick, Paul entered his bedroom.

CJ was sitting in the easy chair, leafing through a magazine. She was wearing the negligee he had given her that first Christmas.

"You're beautiful," Paul whispered as he went into the bathroom.

Five minutes later, when he came back into the bedroom, the light was off and CJ was standing by the window in the moonlight, her back to him. As he approached her, Paul noticed the drape of the bluish tinged forest green silk over her hips and once again mused about the sexuality embodied in a woman's posterior.

Ever since that first time in December of '14, whenever he and CJ were in the company of Toby Ziegler, Paul felt the need to reaffirm that CJ was **his** wife, **his** woman, and the way he asserted that fact was to drape an arm across the top of her buttocks, resting his hand on her hip. In anyone else's presence, the arm would be at her waist or her shoulders; in anyone else's presence, he did not feel the need to proclaim the relationship.

Paul walked up behind her and put his hands on CJ's hips, as he had wanted to do earlier in the day. She moved back against him and the silk felt good on his body; he had not bothered with pajama pants and was nude.

CJ sighed as Paul's mouth moved over her left shoulder. She turned to face him and, draping her arms around his neck, kissed his mouth.

Paul returned the kiss deeply. His left hand held the back of her head in place as his right hand moved over her bottom. Then, he knelt slightly, lowered his right arm to just above her knees, and carried her to their bed.

The desires of earlier in the day were finally assuaged.

**Sunday Morning; 6:30 AM**

The alarm sounded and Paul reached over to silence it. He turned in the other direction, preparing, as he did every morning, to kiss his wife, wish her a good morning, and tell her that he loved her.

He stopped at the pain in her eyes, recognizing the sign of the headaches that came upon her two or three times a year. (All the tests had come back negative. There were pills she could take, mostly to sedate her for the five or six hours needed for the pain to diminish. Other than that, she just needed to lie still, in silent darkness.)

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry! Did you take your medicine?"

"It hurts too much to move."

Paul slipped out of the bed, being careful not to jar it, went to the bathroom, and came back with the capsules and a glass of water. He lifted her head, held his hand to her lips, and then replaced that hand with the water glass after she mouthed the pills.

"I'll check back right before I take Paddy and Caitlin to Mass."

"Don't have to - "

Paul interrupted CJ with a very light kiss on her forehead.

"We've already had this discussion and I'm not going to repeat it while you're in such pain."

About five weeks ago, Paul noticed that one aspect of their life seemed to have regressed to the first weeks of their marriage. No matter the inconvenience, CJ kept insisting on being the one to take Paddy to and from his Sunday morning religious education classes (or going back to pick him up on mornings like this when they went to Mass on Sunday rather than on Saturday evening.)

When he finally got her to discuss it, CJ told Paul that she was having ambivalent feelings about Paddy's preparation for and eventual reception of First Reconciliation and First Communion.

"This isn't your everyday mixed marriage, religiously. Your faith isn't just your religion, it's your calling, your vocation. It's who you are, it's how others identify you. There are times when I'm afraid of emphasizing the differences. Paddy and Caitlin love you so much. I want them to give you the respect and honor you deserve."

"And you think that the people at Greg's church, at your church, are going to teach them the opposite?"

"I don't know. I've heard some scare stories."

"So have I. Mostly from people our age and older."

Paul then told CJ again what he told her when he asked her to marry him three years ago. He reiterated that in several of those long conversations with Danny, the two of them discussed Danny's wish that Paul and CJ marry after Danny's death. Paul told Danny that if that marriage were to take place, that Paddy and Caitlin would remain Danny's children, no matter how much Paul would come to take them into his heart.

Paul told CJ that he knew Greg, trusted him as a fellow minister, and that he was sure that if anything "unpleasant arose", that CJ, Greg, and he could handle the situation.

"So, sweetheart, assuming you want to remain a practicing Catholic, I have no problem with Paddy taking these next steps."

"_I know I was away from the church for a long time," Danny told Abbey Bartlet, "but I came back, and it became important to me again, especially at the end. I know that the kids will have to choose for themselves when they get older, but I want them brought up in the faith. I especially want them to have the fun things – First Communion, May Crownings, ashes and palms, picking out a Confirmation name."_

But Paul did not tell CJ everything about one particular time that Danny and he were talking about what Danny wanted for the future. It was a particularly intense discussion, with Danny insisting that he needed to know that Paul would take care of CJ and the children and Paul insisting that he would not undertake a marriage of convenience.

"Paul, can you honestly tell me that you don't love her?"

"Of course I love her, and she loves me. What I don't know is if I will come to love her the way a man should love his wife, or if she will come to love me the way a woman should love her husband, the way she loves you."

Then Paul took a breath, in preparation for the blunt words he would be saying. (Forgive me, Lissy, but I have to do this.) "But, Danny, do you really know for what you are wishing? Because, as I've said, if we are to marry, the children will always be Concannons, will be raised Catholic, will always know that you are their father. But if CJ and I do find ourselves loving each other in a way that demands matrimony, she will be my wife and I will be her husband. We will honor the memory of you and Alicia for the rest of our lives, but if and when I take CJ to my bed, in that respect, it will be as if you and Alicia never existed."

"_That hurt so much, at first," Alicia said._

_Jem nodded in agreement. He had felt the same way the first time that Brianna and Hugh were intimate._

Danny blanched, but told Paul he understood what the minister was saying. He hadn't wanted company when he was making love with CJ, be it John Hoynes, Toby Ziegler, or Brianna MacDonald Ogilvie.

"So I think I'll be able to accept that, and if your Alicia is the woman I think she must have been, I'm sure she will too.

Paul had no idea at the time what his next words would mean. ("Maybe, when you get to heaven, you could look out for my Lissy for me.") But with that visit from Alicia and Danny on that night in Calistoga almost three years ago, Paul knew that Danny and Alicia were having some sort of relationship in heaven, that, in some mysterious way, Danny, the twins who had died at birth, Alicia, and the two babies she had miscarried, were paralleling in heaven the life that CJ and Paul had made on earth. Danny and Alicia told him that, when the time came, God would explain all. Since Paul had told his parishioners the same thing for so many years, he had to believe it himself.

And, except for one or two times, (the time he spoke Alicia's name, the time he wondered about the "issues" CJ had with sex right after Paddy's birth), when he and CJ made love, it was as if it were a seamless continuation of those eighteen glorious months so many years ago.

So, on this October morning, Paul would dress and feed Danny's children and take them to Danny's church.

After showering, shaving, and getting dressed (except for dress shirt, tie, and suit jacket, of course,) he softly entered Paddy's room and gently roused the boy, whispering that they should try not to wake up Derrick, who was out late. Paul noticed that CJ had thoughtfully laid out clothing for Paddy the night before, so he picked up the things and told Paddy to dress in the bathroom after washing up and brushing his teeth.

Ten minutes later, Paddy walked into the kitchen and saw his Papa, a big chef's apron protecting his clothes, putting two slices of French toast and three slices of bacon on a plate.

"Eat your breakfast while I get Caitlin ready," Paul told the child. "Be sure to drink all your juice."

Paul had decided that he would leave Dansha home (two children were more than enough for him to handle by himself and, after all, Dansha was his daughter, not Danny's), so when he entered the girls' room, he woke only the little redhead and only picked up the one pile of clothing.

Right before it was time to leave for Mass, Paul carried Dansha into Paddy's room and set her in Paddy's bed. Then he woke Derrick and explained the situation to him. "She can't open the door and she has her doll with her, so go back to sleep for an hour or so. You should have time to get ready if you sleep until Caitlin and I get back."

"Dad, you should have wakened me earlier. I could have taken the kids to church."

"You've already done more than enough, son."

After the Mass, Paul walked Paddy over to the room where his First Communion class was meeting, and told the child (and his teacher) that Derrick would be picking him up at 10:15 (after Derrick had dropped off Paul at his church), then returned home with Caitlin.

Derrick was already up, feeding Dansha and himself. After Paul checked in on CJ (mercifully sleeping) and switched into his clerical shirt and collar, Derrick got ready for church and then played pat-a-cake with Caitlin while Paul got Dansha ready.

The rest of the morning went by seamlessly. Derrick and the children were in the "minister's pew" a good fifteen minutes before the start of the service. Paul's sermon was well-received, with laughter at the jokes and nods of understanding at the salient points. The hymns were sung, not flawlessly, but very well, and, more importantly, with fervor. As Paul greeted his parishioners afterward, everyone asked about CJ and commented about how well-behaved the children were. ("Well, it took me a while, but I finally got Derrick in hand," Paul joked.)

By the time they got home and Paul checked on CJ (still sleeping, but she did stir when he kissed her forehead), it was time for him to drive over to San Francisco and meet Aisling's flight. Again, Derrick offered to handle the task, but Paul just asked him to feed the kids.

Five minutes after Paul left, CJ woke up and declared herself cured, so she took over with the children. Derrick changed into his grungies and started putting on the second coat of paint in the dining room.

At SFO, Paul waited for Aisling in the international arrivals area. He spotted her through the Plexiglas. Danny's niece was another feminine version of him, although the actual resemblance was not as striking as that of Caitlin's. As he recalled, Aisling's eyes were green, not blue, but other than that, he had a pretty good idea of what Caitlin would look like some twenty years from now.

After exchanging hugs, Paul took the handle of Aisling's suitcase and they walked to the parking lot. She told him that they would need to stop at the Westin just south of the airport; she needed to get something from the flight crew. Paul was mystified – why didn't she take care of this when deboarding the plane? – but he followed the directions Aisling had been given.

Fifteen minutes later, they were on Route 101 heading north toward the Bay Bridge and home, the three bottles of pot-still whiskey that the crew had obligingly carried in for Aisling duty-free (in addition to her free bottle and the others on which she had paid duty) resting beside her baggage in the back of the car.

Fifty minutes later, Paul and Ash were in the Reeves' family room and the children were greeting their cousin with the eternal question.

"What did you bring me?"

"Padraic Talmadge Concannon!"

Laughing, Aisling reached into her carryon and handed Paddy a St. Andrews rugby shirt. For Caitlin and Dansha, she had sterling silver hair barrettes in an eternal knot pattern.

"And for the three of you, I have more grownup presents," Danny's niece told the adults.

"Which we deeply appreciate," Derrick said as he reached in to kiss her cheek, carefully keeping his paint smudged clothing from touching her. "Excuse me, I'm going to change. Dad, I think two coats are enough." Derrick left the room.

"We're always glad to see you, Aisling, whether or not you come bearing that marvelous elixir you excel at crafting, but I echo my son's comments," Paul told her.

There's something different about Ash, CJ thought to herself as she watched the scene. Then Aisling reached up to brush her hair away from the side of her face and the sunlight flashed off her left hand.

CJ had seen the ring once before, on her first honeymoon with Danny. It was their second day in the little village where the MacDonald distillery was located. She was sitting in the garden talking with Brianna and the sun flashed off the striking sapphire ring on Brianna's right hand as Danny's first romance poured tea for Danny's bride.

"What a beautiful ring!" CJ had exclaimed. "It's obviously an heirloom piece. Do you know how old it is?"

"About three hundred years," Brianna had answered. "It's the Stewart family engagement ring. I switched it to my right hand when we were married because it doesn't really line up against a wedding band."

"Aisling?" CJ took the young woman's hand in hers. "Does this mean what I think it means?"

_Danny and Brianna stood arm in arm. _

"_My son and your niece," Brianna said as she dabbed at her eyes. Was she really tearing up? _

"_Things have a way of coming 'round for us Celts, don't they?" Danny responded. Ash had always been special to him and he was glad that she was going to marry a good man._

"_They aren't too close?" Delores Landingham asked, handing around a plate of cookies._

"_Second cousins, once removed. They're distant enough," Hugh answered. He too was pleased with the young woman his son would be marrying and with whom, please Them, he would carry on the Stewart line._

"Yes, it does," Aisling answered. She was immediately wrapped in a big hug from her aunt. When CJ let go, Paul followed suit.

"Tell us all about it!" CJ exclaimed.

"All about what?" Derrick came back into the room.

"Ash is engaged. To Jamie Stewart," CJ explained.

"How wonderful!" This time Derrick pulled Aisling into a huge bear hug and twirled her around in a circle.

"Here we go."

Paul had slipped into the kitchen and now came back carrying a tray with four flutes of champagne (and three glasses with ginger ale and a splash of the bubbling wine).

After toasting the engagement, they sat and sipped as Ash told them about the proposal and the plans for the wedding.

"Last weekend, Jamie told me he had to leave St. Andrew's for a few days. I didn't know that he flew over to Shannon to ask my father for my hand. Then, we went out to supper on Tuesday.

"At first, he was very off-hand about it. ' I dinna want ye over there at Berkeley wi' all those wild Yanks thinkin' dirty thoughts about ye and tryin' dirtier deeds, especially that wicked kissin' cousin that's son ta yer aunt's new husband (Aisling flashed a bright smile in Derrick's direction) 'so why don't ye tak this and wear it.' Then he opened his palm and showed me the ring.

"I just looked at him. Then he got real serious, told me that he couldn't imagine living the rest of his life without me, promised to try to be the best husband ever, 'or die trying', and then got down on one knee, teared up, and whispered 'please'. And I said yes," Aisling finished, her eyes shining in memory.

The wedding would be next summer, August 3rd, and she wanted all of them to come over for the ceremony and the days before and after that Thursday. Between the MacDonald's and the Stewarts, the ceremony would be filled with lots of pageantry and history, but there would be lots of things going on July 29th through August 7th. She definitely wanted the three children in the wedding party (CJ told Aisling that she thought Dansha would be too young, "especially since it's going to be such a huge affair", but the experience that Paddy and Caitlin gained at Deborah's wedding stand the two of them in good stead.)

After a late afternoon meal of grilled halibut, salad, and corn on the cob, CJ took Caitlin and Dansha for baths and reading before bedtime. Paul and Paddy went to the study, where the minister helped the young boy with his spelling words and his math homework. ("I'm a big kid now, Aisling, I'm in second grade. I have to do homework.")

Derrick and Aisling were sitting on the front porch in the waning sunlight, a firepit and sweaters keeping the slight chill from driving them inside. They were sipping glasses of the MacDonald cordial (the last of the current supply, not one of the bottles Ash had brought over with her.)

"I'm really happy for you, Aisling. I've been looking for the right woman for me, so far with no success. Of course, it's only been since January, and my father tells me to be patient, to trust in God. But sometimes I wonder where and when I'll find her."

Aisling turned to face the young man her Jamie called her kissing cousin. Derrick thought, like his father did earlier in the day, this is what the future holds for Caitlin, except for the eyes. Caitlin's are blue, but Aisling's are green – wait, they seem to be turning grey, I can sort of see through them.

Aisling smiled at the young man frozen in time.

"Ah, Derrick, never fear. Your one true love is out there. Soon and very soon, you will meet her. By this time next year, you will have asked her to marry you, although she will not have accepted at that time. By this time in two years, not only will you have married her, but she will be carrying – but that's for later.

"Now, you won't remember any of this, but you will be at ease."

Aisling's eyes returned to their normal emerald color and Derrick shook his head.

"I'm sorry, I seemed to have drifted off for a second. You were saying?"

"That your father is a very wise man; I would heed his advice and counsel if I were you.

"The jet lag is really catching up with me and I have to be on campus by 7:00 tomorrow morning, and with the dinner meeting, I'll be there until at least 8:30 in the evening, so I'll say goodnight and farewell now. Travel safely tomorrow and remember, I want you in Scotland next August!"

She kissed the young lawyer's cheek and walked into the house and the living room turned guest room.

**Monday, October 24; 7:20 AM**

"Derrick!"

Derrick slowly let go of the dream he was having. It was a very nice dream. He was dancing with someone in a strapless white dress. He couldn't see her face, but he knew that she was beautiful, and, more important, that she had a beautiful soul. There was a bed in the distance, and candlelight.

"Derrick! Wake up! I want you to take me to school!"

Paddy's voice obliterated the last vestiges of the dream and Derrick opened his eyes to see his little brother staring at him.

"Take me to school! Please? I won't be here when you go back to San Luis Obispo. We're going on a field trip to Stanford this afternoon!"

Derrick sat up and stretched.

"Okay, buddy. When do you have to be at school?"

"In a half-hour; it's a ten minute drive."

Okay, Derrick figured, a quick shower, skip the shave, grab a cup of coffee. There were disadvantages to being idolized by a seven year old, but they were vastly outweighed by the ego boost.

Forty minutes later, after having dropped off Paddy at school ("Take care of our sisters, buddy. I'll see you in a couple weeks."), Derrick returned to his parents' house. He helped his father put the rug and furniture back in the dining room and then lay down for a nap before lunch and leaving for home.

**12:45 PM; just after lunch **

Derrick came out of the bedroom he shared with Paddy, carrying a garment bag and a duffel. As he stepped into the kitchen, he heard CJ talking to the little girls.

"Now let's get your hands washed. When Papa gets out of the bathroom, he's gonna take you to playschool for the afternoon. Won't that be fun?"

"I thought Dad and you both had Mondays off this semester."

"We do. We figured that since Paddy wouldn't be back from Palo Alto until 6:00," CJ stopped and turned a pretty shade of pink.

Derrick walked toward the powder room in the hallway, reaching it just as Paul exited it.

"Listen, Dad, I've got an idea. Why don't I hang around until Paddy gets back? I don't mind driving in the dark."

Derrick saw the disappointment flicker in his father's eyes and then disappear.

"Son, I'd feel better if you weren't driving so late at night -".

"I was joking, Dad. I know what you have planned for the afternoon."

Paul let out a sigh and then laughed. "Derrick, some day, a couple of years from now, you and the woman you marry are going to ask CJ and me to take care of your kids for you. I'm going to remember this moment."

A few minutes later, the three of them (with a little girl in CJ's and Paul's arms) walked out of the kitchen. After kisses and hugs all around, Derrick and Paul both drove off.

Twenty-five minutes later, Paul walked into the kitchen.

"Sweetheart?"

"In the dining room."

She was rearranging some things on the bottom shelf of the credenza.

Paul smiled. The view was the same and the tightening in his jeans was the same as he experienced forty-eight hours ago.

But this time, there was no one else in the house.


	19. NinetyNinety

**Ninety-Ninety**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult – married sex

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

November 12, 2016; 6:15 AM; Kensington CA

The thoughts stole into Paul's consciousness in a totally random, totally illogical order.

His first thought was that it was Saturday and he felt satisfied joy, knowing that the morning would be spent in unhurried family togetherness. They would linger over the breakfast table in the sunny kitchen. Caitlin would have accepted the fact that it was Paddy's week to choose ("Papa's French toast and sausages!") and that next week she could ask Mama to make cranberry pancakes with blueberry syrup and bacon. There would be a big plate of scrambled eggs for the five of them (well, six, counting the portion that would be put in Jasmine's food dish), juice, cocoa for the kids and coffee for CJ and himself. Saturday mornings were sacrosanct family time and very few activities were allowed to interfere with it.

Paul's second thought was about the dream from which he had awoken. He had experienced many hilarious dreams in his life; he had experienced many erotic dreams in his life. This was the first time he remembered having a dream that was both and reflected on the subconscious ideas that had, in all probability inspired it.

His third thought was that he was grateful to God for another day with his wife and his family.

The fourth thought was that it was still early. When he had briefly opened his eyes, the room was dark, but not really dark.

His fifth thought was that, contrary to the dream, his penis was not four feet long, not eight inches in diameter, and not capable of blowing the leaves in the back yard into big piles into which his kids and his furkid could jump and frolic. However, his penis was quite long, quite thick, and extremely hard. There was plenty of time to kiss his wife into a wakeful state, prepare her body with more kisses, words, and touches to receive him, and take the two of them to a gentle climax before drifting again into sleep.

Except there was no light pressure of a head against his right armpit, no sense of warmth of a body lying against his right side, no fluttery sound of light breathing and no fluttery feel of said breathing against his right nipple.

There was a clickety-clicking sound and Paul turned toward it. He saw the light that caused the room to not be totally dark.

CJ was in the little alcove that served as her home office, sitting at her laptop.

Paul got out of bed and walked over to his wife. He could see that CJ had pulled up her hair, almost on top of her head, into a stretchy. She was wearing the ratty old over-sized Dartmouth sweatshirt he had worn yesterday afternoon when doing the yard work.

When he reached the alcove, Paul bent down kissed CJ, half on her ear, half on the place below it where jawbone and neck met. He smelled faint traces of her perfume, of perspiration from the previous day's activities, and of his semen from their somewhat boisterous lovemaking last night.

CJ stretched back with her head to look into Paul's eyes.

"Somehow, in the middle of the night, it all just came together in my head. Everything just finally made sense. I really, really **feel** this dissertation!" CJ's eyes glowed with intensity, excitement, and inspiration.

Then CJ sensed the aroused state of the naked husband behind her.

"But I can take a break," she smiled and started to get up from her chair.

Paul knew the look in her eyes, knew what it was like when everything you wanted to say just clicked, when that crucial moment of the creative process sprung into being. Paul also knew that any break could cause the moment to disappear for a long time, if not forever.

"No, sweetheart, you're on a roll. This will keep."

Paul kissed her again. Well, hopefully not keep, but go away and come back later, he thought to himself as he went into their bathroom. When he returned to the bedroom, she was typing away at a feverous pace, so he softly crept back into bed, willed himself into flaccidity, and set his internal body clock for about an hour's nap.

8:30 AM

"Morning, Papa." Paddy came into the kitchen. "Where's Mama?"

"Mama's working. Paddy, don't!" Paul exclaimed as the boy headed back toward the bedroom wing of the house.

"But I want to see Mama, to say 'Good Morning' to her."

"Paddy, Mama's busy. She's been having a difficult time lately and now she's had some good ideas and she wants to write them while they are fresh in her mind."

"Like I had a hard time last week with my paragraph?"

Testing had shown that while Paddy was reading, spelling, and doing arithmetic at grade level, his creative writing skills were at a fourth grade level and he was in an advanced (well, advanced for second grade) composition class.

"_That's my boy," Danny said. He was on Ganymede, attending a writers' symposium on homoerotic literature. The others at his table – Shakespeare, Horace, and Lady Murasaki Shikibu – smiled in appreciation of a father's pride._

"Something like that," Paul said.

"Then maybe I can help her write her paragraph, Papa. It's not that hard, once you know your topic sentence. Then you just need your body sentences, at least three, and your concluding sentence." Paddy inched toward the door.

"Paddy, Mama has to write lots of paragraphs. And they all have to relate to the same topic."

"How many paragraphs? Fifteen? Twenty? Can't she just do one a day?"

Paul quickly did some math in his head. Let's see, three paragraphs to a page, maybe three hundred pages.

"Paddy, if Mama just did one paragraph a day, every day of the year, no breaks for weekends or vacations, it would take her almost three years to finish." Paul watched as the boy's eyes grew really wide. "Some days, she doesn't have any time to write at all and some days, she just doesn't have any ideas. So right now, when she has the ideas, we need to give her the time. Okay?"

"Okay," Paddy said somewhat dejectedly.

"I tell you what, while I'm making the French toast, why don't you make a card for Mama. Tell her how much you love her and how much you hope she has a productive time working on her paper?"

"What's productive?"

"It means that you manage to get something done, rather than just wasting your time or maybe not having any good ideas. Caitlin, why don't you make a card for Mama, too?"

After he served the kids, Paul fixed a tray with juice, coffee, toast, sausage, eggs, and French toast (and the cards from Paddy and Caitlin, plus a scribble from Dansha). Entering the bedroom, he set it down beside CJ, who was still keying away at a furious pace.

"Here, sweetheart, have something to eat," Paul said as he kissed the top of CJ's head.

CJ murmured her thanks, grabbed at his hand, and kissed the knuckles. Then she returned to her work.

11:45 AM

"Take us to the playground, Papa, pretty please?"

Paul had just settled down in front of the TV, trying to decide which of the games he wanted to watch. Should he pick up on the end of the Eastern Time zone games or the middle of the Mid-west games, and reminisce about the snowy afternoons in Hanover? Should he watch the games from the LA area, with their palm trees and bright sunny skies that somehow didn't really say "football"?

Well, now it was a moot point. One look at the adoring little face of the "almost four" year-old who climbed into his lap. One look at the brilliant red curls that just grazed her shoulders, the shining blue eyes that pleaded with him. One look at the shy smile that was the only physical feature she had inherited from her mother.

"Go on wing!" Paul looked down to the floor beside the couch. Dansha was sitting on his feet, clapping her hands.

So Paul smiled at the little girls who thought he was the most wonderful man in the world, called for Paddy and Jasmine, got the kids into jackets and the dog into her harness, scribbled a note in case (hugely unlikely) that his wife might venture out of her little nook, and took his party down the street to the playground.

The original plan was for CJ to entertain the kids this afternoon, tiring them enough so they would nap or play quietly the rest of the afternoon while Paul indulged in front of the television and CJ did the grocery shopping. (In return for Paul having entertained the little ones yesterday afternoon while CJ and Gina did the day spa thing in the city.) However, when Paul went to carry away the breakfast things (she had eaten the sausages and toast and drunk the coffee but apparently didn't stop to use cutlery – the French toast and eggs were untouched), CJ's eyes were glowing almost maniacally and she was talking to herself. ("That's it! That's it! Oh, it just fits so beautifully!")

5:45 PM

Paul carried in the last of the groceries, set them on the kitchen counter, set his ass in one of the kitchen chairs, and sighed in mild exhaustion.

After ninety minutes in the park, the kids were ready for lunch, so he had piled the three of them into the van and went in search of pizza. He had grabbed the grocery list on the way out. Paul knew that there was no way he could manage a full-fledged food run with three kids in tow, so he pared down the list to what they would need for the rest of the weekend and for Monday morning. Luckily, the trip was short enough that Paddy and Caitlin didn't get restless. (Dansha, sitting in the shopping cart's baby seat, was perfectly calm.)

After urging himself to put away the perishables and frozen things, Paul grabbed a beer and headed back to his bedroom.

CJ had fallen asleep in her chair, so he knelt down beside her and kissed her awake.

"Wow, I must have dozed. Is it time to get ready for church?" CJ asked as she looped her arms around Paul's neck and returned his kisses.

"It's almost six; it's too late for Mary Mag. I'm not preaching tomorrow, remember, so we can go to 12:45 if you like. Or we can hustle and run down to St Joe's tonight. It's up to you, sweetheart."

"Let's go to St. Joe's. Paul, I have the whole thing outlined! I just need to plump it up!" CJ's face glowed with satisfied accomplishment.

"Wonderful! You get cleaned up and I'll get the kids ready." Luckily, the 7:15 Mass at St. Joseph the Worker, like the 5:45 at St. Mary Magdalen, was pretty much come as you are.

10:15 PM

Paul pulled the covers up over Paddy's shoulders and ran his hand over the brown hair that was so much like his mother's. As he stepped over Jasmine, who was lying at the foot of the bed, he reached down and stroked the black lab.

Next, Paul checked in on his daughters. Both were sleeping soundly, Caitlin hugging on the little teddy bear that Deborah had found for her two years ago. He kissed the two of them, and adjusted the night light.

Finally, Paul walked into his own bedroom. CJ was lying on the bed, wearing the bronze colored silk sleeping shirt he had bought for her that first Christmas.

CJ looked up from her magazine, smiled at her husband, and held out her hand.

"Thank you for letting me write today. It feels so good to have it together."

"I'm glad, sweetheart," Paul said as he reached down to kiss her. His hand clasped the back of her head and the kiss became more open, more sensual.

"As I recall, you put something on ice earlier today," CJ said as his lips moved from her mouth to her ear. "I think we should do something about that."

"That sounds like a very good idea," Paul laughed. "Don't go away; I'll be right back." He headed for the bathroom.

Once in the bath, Paul got into the shower. He felt grubby, and, in spite of the fact that CJ often told him that she found his "nighttime aroma" very arousing, he wanted to wash off.

The warm water felt good, after the long day, and Paul lingered longer than he had intended. Eleven minutes later, a towel wrapped around his waist, Paul rinsed with mouthwash and headed for his bed.

At the sound of the light snores, he stopped. His face fell for a moment, and then he laughed again to himself. At least they got Mass taken care of this evening. Tomorrow was another day, he told himself as he carefully climbed into bed beside his exhausted wife.

November 19, 2016; 7:15 AM

"Good morning, sleepyhead."

CJ set the tray on the nightstand and bent down to kiss her husband.

"Good morning. I should be the one bringing you breakfast in bed. After all, it is **your** birthday, sweetheart."

"But I'm not the one who did wa-a-ay too much yesterday and hurt his back, nearly dropping me on the floor," CJ said. She reached over for one of the coffee cups as Paul very carefully and somewhat painfully sat up in bed. "Someday you'll learn," she added as she picked up her own cup and sat down on the edge of the bed facing Paul. "And this is just coffee. But I do have everything set out and ready to go when Paddy wakes up and wants to cook for Caitlin and me."

Paul put down his mug, took CJ's mug from her, and pulled her into his arms.

"The day I can't carry my wife to my bed," he groused as he kissed her again. "I can't be **that** old and decrepit. And I know you haven't gained much more than five pounds since our wedding."

CJ giggled. "I think the problem was trying to carry me all the way from the kitchen into here. And after having helped coach Paddy's soccer team yesterday afternoon and playing horsey with Dansha last night. You are not old and decrepit." She reached in and kissed him again. "You are a very romantic, very virile lover and I'm blessed to have you."

"I don't remember having such a hard time being a horse twenty years ago for the twins. Maybe Caitlin's fear of horses is a good thing. I'll just have to be careful when Dansha wants to be a cowgirl.

"But back to birthdays. I'd like to be romantic and debonair, but I do need to be careful with this back, especially with Caitlin's party this afternoon. Would you please reach under the bed? There's a bag."

CJ did as requested and found a grocery sack, which Paul took from her. Opening it, he took out a beautifully wrapped box.

"Happy birthday, sweetheart."

CJ unwrapped her present and lifted the lid.

"Oh, Paul!" She stared at the jewelry. "They're beautiful!" She reached over and kissed him.

"I wish it could be diamonds and platinum."

Paul had contacted Hank in late August and the studio designer found someone to fashion a necklace, bracelet, and earrings from emerald and baguette cut white topaz set in sterling. "And I wish it could have been ready in time for the conference. I'm afraid that this year, both our anniversary and your birthday aren't what I would have wanted them to be. I know that with you and Caitlin sharing the same birthday, the celebration, from now until she's in her late teens, at least, will have to be 'family rated'. That's why I had turned down the request to chair the conference; it was our anniversary weekend and I wanted to make it a dual celebration on an adult level. But Ginny had to stick her nose into it."

Back in early September, the senior executive assistant to the President of the Graduate Theological Union called Paul. The chair of the upcoming conference of the World Council of Churches had suffering a heart attack and a replacement was needed. Paul's name had been mentioned by several highly placed officials in Geneva, London, and New York and the steering committee had contacted the President, who thought that Paul would be an excellent choice.

"Most of the heavy lifting has already been done. It's just guiding everything to its conclusion, keeping everything on track. So, I'll start making the travel arrangements for Canada. Will CJ be able to go with you?"

"Whoa, Ginny," Pau exclaimed. "It would be one thing if I had been planning on going to the conference. But I'm not. It's our anniversary and it's two weeks before CJ's birthday. We have plans to go to a resort near Palm Springs."

"Well, Lake Louise is much nicer and this way, the trip will be paid for, Paul. It's a win-win situation."

"Be that as it may, chairing a conference is not my idea of a romantic getaway. No deal, Ginny," Paul replied and ended the conversation.

But as she did that first Thanksgiving, Ginny Hall refused to take "no" for an answer. She called CJ and explained the situation to her. ("CJ, he'll be on the world stage. He'd get as much exposure, gain as much prestige, as the Pope does when he travels. Please try to change his mind.")

Truth be told, CJ would have preferred spending four days alone with her husband in the desert resort, alternating between the privacy of their suite and the pampering of the spa, but she recognized that a) chairing an international meeting at this level would be a coup for Paul and b) he would be extremely good at it. So that evening, after the kids were in bed, she took two glasses of Aisling's cordial with her into her husband's study, told him of her conversation with Ginny, and began to convince him that a trip to the Canadian Rockies would be just as nice as one to southern California. CJ had an answer for every "if", "and", or "but" that Paul raised.

He was concerned that he would have to spend too much time on conference issues and not be able to give her the attention that a man should give a woman on a mini-honeymoon.

She told him that his track record over the past three years indicated that she had no concerns about his ability to multi-task and neither should he.

Paul said he was afraid that the Canadian Rockies in November might not exude the same degree of "ambience" that they would have in the desert.

CJ told Paul that from what Ginny had told her, there would be a formal gala on the last evening sponsored by one of Canada's prominent entrepreneurs, a woman who was very active in social religious ventures; there would also be a moonlight cruise on Lake Louise on the first evening and a trip to an outdoor hot springs pool on the second.

"Also, Ginny is going to tell the committee that you and I need to have the honeymoon suite at the hotel."

Finally, Paul told her that he felt guilty about putting her in the role of "attending wife", having to amuse herself during the days, either by herself or with the other "attending spouses". He didn't want to cast her in the role of "the little woman".

CJ told him that she was planning to rent skates, to get mud baths, to read the trashy novels to which Carol and Margaret had addicted her, and to look for Christmas presents. And she was proud to be his wife.

Paul Reeves was a persistent man, a confident man, and a man used to being able to convince others to his point of view. But he was also an intelligent man and he knew when to concede the argument.

"Okay, sweetheart, if you're sure."

So plans were made.

At first, they thought they would have to take Paddy out of school for a few days. As CJ told Diana when they were on the phone, Gina and Randy were more than willing to take the kids, but with the harvest running late this year, they had to stay in Napa. The next day, Clara called. She would be spending some time in Sacramento with her son right before the conference and would be only too happy to extend her trip "up north" to stay with Paddy, Caitlin, and Dansha in Kensington.

Ten days later, Paul was walking toward the bedroom when he heard Caitlin talking with CJ.

"Mama, you so pretty. Why fancy dress?"

"Thank you, sweetie. I need to see if this dress still fits, if I can wear it when Papa and I go to Canada. It's maybe just a little tight here," CJ ran her hand across her upper hips. "But a pair of Spanx ™ will take care of that. Or I can do some more walking."

Paul could see her reflection in the mirror. She was wearing a dark blue evening gown; thinking back, he remembered the picture of her dancing with the King of Norway six years ago, when she and Frank Hollis won the Nobel. She was also wearing it at the White House event a few days later. At the time, he was trying to deal with his emotional attachment to an unattainable woman who was thoroughly in love with her husband, and didn't dance with her that night. Now he would get a second chance to admire her, a chance that would let him do something about the way the fit of the dress made him feel about her.

"_I remember that dress," Danny told Alicia. "I thought she looked like one of the Great Lakes."_

"_Danny! You told a woman that she looked like a large body of water? Did you really think that was conducive to whatever plans you had that night?"_

"_I'll have you know that we had a very good time that night, woman! And speaking of good times - " _

_Danny smiled his smile and grabbed at Alicia's hand. The two of them flew over to Cassiopeia's Chair and began to circle each other. _

CJ walked out of the line of sight provided by the mirror; but Caitlin's voice told him what was happening.

"All pretty stones!"

Caitlin loved to look at CJ's jewelry. CJ let the little girl try on many of the pieces. Paul and CJ had decided to start buying her age-appropriate chains and bracelets but told her in very firm tones that she would have to wait "for at least eight more years" before she could get her ears pierced. ("Let's hope to God that earlobes are **ALL** she wants to pierce when she's a teen!")

"Do you want to help me pick out what to wear with the dress, Caitlin?"

"Yes, Mama. No the red ones."

"They're called garnets. Papa gave me these when Dansha was born. Don't you like them?"

"They pretty. Not with dress."

It was silly, but Paul felt a little hurt that his necklace didn't please Caitlin. However, her next statement made him feel better.

"Nice with my shirt."

Paul recalled that Caitlin was wearing a deep gold sweatshirt.

"You're right, sweetie. They need something to make them pop."

Paul started to enter the bedroom.

"Light green ones. Not em-ralds. More pretty," Caitlin pronounced.

"_Prettier!" Danny exclaimed, slightly frustrated that he couldn't teach his little girl the proper words.__ "And if it were me, you wouldn't be getting anything pierced until you were eighteen!"_

"Green sapphires; and you are definitely your father's daughter, not just the hair and the eyes. Your father had the best eye for jewelry and I think you've inherited it."

Too late, CJ realized that Paul was in the room. It was only half a second, but she saw the stab of hurt in her husband's eyes.

"_That's okay, darling," Alicia stroked Paul's bearded jaw. "Everyone has their own talents. And you, my love, are the undisputed king of good taste when it comes to lingerie__ that is both feminine and sexy."_

"What's herited?"

"It means something that is passed down from one person to another." Paul reached down and kissed his stepdaughter (realizing that he hadn't thought of her as "step" for a long time) and then his wife.

"Maybe your grandmother's pearls, Caitlin." CJ held up the creamy rope that she had received so long ago.

"The sapphires are prettier, sweetheart. Wear them," Paul said, smiling at his wife and stroking her jaw.

His original plan, before Ginny wheedled them into the trip to Canada, had been to give her the necklace for their anniversary and then the earrings and bracelet for her birthday. Now, after the incident with Caitlin, he had decided to give her the complete set the night of the dance at Lake Louise. Even to his relatively untrained eye, the sparkling white topaz would be just as striking as the green sapphire with the rich blue of her gown. But there was a delay and the set wasn't ready in time. Hank and his jeweler friend were apologetic. The set would be ready for CJ's birthday, and the jeweler insisted on reducing the price by fifteen percent.

It shouldn't have bothered him that CJ would be wearing Danny's jewelry, Paul told himself. He didn't want her to lock up the necklaces, earrings, bracelets, and rings the way the two of them had locked up their wedding rings (and the large diamond that Danny had given her for Paddy) in the bank. He wanted her to look nice; he took pride in seeing his wife as the object of admiration by others (respectful admiration, that is, especially in the case of other men.) To be honest, Paul took pride in the admiration placed on him by other men when they saw her with him. It shouldn't bother him that someone else had given her most of her expensive gems.

But it did.

The WCC conference was a huge success. Several important position papers were presented. New milestones in ecumenical activity were reached. Everyone talked about how skillfully and seemingly effortlessly Paul handled the full sessions, making sure that everyone knew what was happening when, taking care of the inevitable snafus that always happened at such gatherings. When CJ and Paul called home to speak with the children, the little ones told them how exciting it was "to see Papa on CNN, like a movie star!" There were even two one-on-one interviews, one for an upcoming "60 Minutes" segment, and one for immediate broadcast on BBC. During the social events of the evenings, the two of them fell naturally into the roles of host and hostess for the other attendees. They were easily able to manage the activities while thoroughly enjoying themselves. The others talked about how obvious was the aura of love around the conference chair and his wife, how much their eyes sparkled in each other's company, how palpable was their feelings for each other.

Of course, there was speculation and comment about CJ – her past prominence and her apparent "downsized" role as "just someone's wife". CJ stuck with her plan and made no comments to the press. Back in California, Ginny Hall contacted the media chair of the WCC and provided him with details concerning CJ's role in establishing the new School of Philanthropic Management at Berkeley and her studies toward her Ph.D.

CJ was not surprised that Paul seemed to draw energy from the process. As active and as busy as he was during the day and early evening, he was equally as active and persistent at night in their suite. The suite had a private whirlpool tub and they made use of it for more than bathing. On the third morning, CJ told him she was going to spend several hours in bed "so I can get my strength back and so the other wives don't see this self-satisfied grin and start teasing me". Knowing her husband's degree of sensitivity, she did not tell him that she also intended to soak for an hour or so to help ease the not that unpleasant soreness between her legs. Nor did she tell him that she was still experiencing periodic mini orgasms, little aftershocks or waves of pleasure, from the previous night's lovemaking, and wanted to revel in them. No need to let his ego get swelled completely out of proportion, she giggle to herself.

The night of the ball, Paul had been called downstairs to handle a last minute problem ("The brie isn't ripe enough; we need something else besides the shrimp and the roast beef appetizers!") and left the suite while CJ was still doing her makeup.

Twenty minutes later ("Is there leftover turkey from this afternoon? Can you spread slices of it with bleu cheese and roll them up, fasten them with a toothpick and a cherry tomato?"), Paul returned to the rooms to escort his wife downstairs.

"I hope that's the last crisis, sweetheart," Paul said as he shut the door. Then he turned around and stopped.

The deep blue gown draped perfectly over her body (a hand to her hips a bit later would reveal that she was wearing the garment that Alicia's mother would have called a light-weight girdle and would have insisted be part of any well-bred adult woman's attire). Her hair was pinned up in curls, with strands gracing the side of her face and the nape of her neck.

But she was not wearing the green sapphires. In their place were several chains of silver around her neck, sterling doorknocker earrings, and wide silver bangles on either wrist.

Paul walked to her and kissed her forehead.

"You look stunning, CJ. But you didn't have to."

She knew what he meant "I know. I wanted to. Now, I'm hungry and I want to dance with the most handsome man in Alberta, if not all of Canada." She straightened his lapel and smoothed an errant hair in his mustache.

Somehow, they once again managed to be consummate hosts and consummate honeymooners. Except for the absolutely mandatory and obligatory dances with other officials, Paul and CJ danced every dance with each other, but they made sure that everyone was well fed, that everyone was enjoying themselves.

So now, two weeks later, CJ admired the set that would have been perfect with the sapphire dress and vowed to find a dressy but less formal little thing in the same shade of blue to wear for the Christmas festivities that would be happening next month. Of course, the pieces, either separately or as an ensemble, would be perfect with just about anything.

Or, she thought with a secret smile, with absolutely nothing at all.

Paul shifted his legs to the floor and gingerly stood up.

"Sweetheart, Paddy is going to wake up any second. You need to get back into bed so you can be pleasantly awakened and surprised when he brings you your breakfast."

November 21, 2016; 8:15 PM

"Dr. Reeves, Ethan just doesn't get it! Even with just the two of us, it's hard to work all day, even if it's 'just a receptionist job', and then come home to all the housework. If I'm lucky, he'll vacuum the living room or take out the trash. And then he acts as if he's done me the world's biggest favor! I know that med school is hard, but still - "

The brunette sitting in one of the wing chairs in Paul's study was almost in tears. The young couple had been married for nine months and were afraid that they wouldn't make it to their first anniversary. So they had turned to Student Life Services and had accepted the recommendation that they seek counseling. This was their third session.

"So, Taylor, you want Ethan to help more at home."

"Either that or agree to a Mini-Maid ™ every other week."

Paul turned to the young man in the other chair."

"Ethan, what do you feel about what your wife has said?"

"Well, sir, I know I should help out more. I know that I should try to aim to make our marriage a fifty-fifty proposition."

"Ethan, Taylor, a fifty-fifty proposition is NOT what you need to aim for in a marriage. It's at best a starting point. In order to nurture a marriage, to keep it alive and love-filled over the years, each of you has to be willing to give much more than fifty percent. Ideally, each of you should be willing to give everything to keep the other happy, to keep your marriage what you wanted when you said your vows."

"Is that really attainable, sir?" Ethan asked. "Do you and Mrs. Reeves have a hundred-hundred marriage? The two of you seem so incredibly happy."

"We try very hard. I don't claim that we are perfect. We haven't reached that point; but I do think ours is ninety-ninety."


	20. Party Animals

**Party Animals**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult – sex and more sex. This one definitely requires that you be old enough to vote and to be bound by your signature on a contract.

Because Eleanor, Montiese, and others have told me that "Paul is hot!", I figured it was time for a "PWP" chapter. (Although there is just enough of one to advance the story and hold the chapter together.)

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down".

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul.

Feedback and criticism always welcomed.

(The Present)

December 9, 2016; 12:30 AM PST; Kensington, CA

CJ smiled as she heard the door to Caitlin and Dansha's bedroom open and close. Paul would have known that she had checked on the children while he paid the babysitter, escorted her to the waiting taxi, paid the driver for the woman's ride home, and then locked up the house. But the father/protector inside the man she married would want to verify for himself that Paddy and Jasmine were quietly sleeping (and that Paddy was properly covered), to ensure that the two little girls who worshiped him were undergoing only happy dreams of the magical season.

CJ reached behind her neck to unclasp the dark wine garnets, reflecting that Caitlin was right – the stones did look absolutely stunning with the shimmery gold chiffon of her blouse. Then CJ removed the imperial topaz earrings that Danny had given her when Caitlin was born, to thank her for the daughter who would brighten his final weeks on earth. (CJ thought back to earlier in the evening, when they were dressing for the party and the look that quickly appeared and then quickly disappeared on Paul's face. She wouldn't bet her paycheck on it, but she was pretty sure that on Christmas morning, she would be opening a package that contained earrings to match the necklace Paul had given her for Dansha.)

Like everyone else, the Reeves family was running helter skelter through the hectic season marked by religious awe, reverence and wonder alongside the much more ancient anticipation of (followed by joy in) the turning of the solstice and the conquering of dark by light. Last Friday, she and Paul had attended the madrigal dinner (and attendant festivities) sponsored by the Poli Sci department. On Saturday, she and Paul had hosted a party in their home for the staff of the School of Philanthropic Management and for the faculty from the other departments whose courses made up the course of study.

Tonight's (or, technically last night's) party had been for the Graduate Theological Union. This year, the event had been sponsored by the Church Divinity School. It had been a very convivial evening. The food was theoretically "cocktail party fare", but between the shaved roast beef on toast points with horseradish cream, the chicken mini-wraps, the huge shrimp platter, the cheese tray, the crisp vegetables, and the fruit and _petit fours_ array, it was in reality an excellent buffet dinner. The wines, spirits, and liqueurs flowed freely ("We're Episcopalians, my dear," the dean of the Church Divinity School told her. "Wherever three or four are gathered, there's a fifth!") and the conversation followed suit. CJ was glad that Paul agreed with her suggestion that they use a taxi. Her husband never abused alcohol (in all their time together, both now and thirty-five years ago, only two times could she have defined his state as drunken), but when he did have just enough to lose some of the reserve that, for him, his religious vocation and his racial background, made imperative, it was good to see him relax.

CJ yawned as she slipped out of her blouse and the black silk and chiffon palazzo pants and hung them in the closet. She sighed in relief as she took off the pantyhose and headed into the bathroom. It had been a long day. First there was the rather unusual 8:15 breakfast meeting with the chairs of the various departments that were part of Philanthropic Management. Then she had to hurry over to the day care and the children's version of the Nutcracker suite (Dansha was a mouse, Caitlin one of Mother Ginger's Polichinelles).

"_Leslie's playing Mary this year," Bernice Dawson bragged to Caitlin Concannon. _

"_Maybe she'll be almost as good as Danielle was last year," Danny's mother replied. No one was going to upstage her granddaughter!_

At two-thirty, CJ had a meeting with her advisor (the man suggested three changes and asked her to strengthen one point before her dissertation was presented to the committee early next semester). Finally, there was the party. For all that she enjoyed socializing with Paul's associates, CJ always remembered that she was on display as her husband's spouse and that her words and actions could affect Paul's career. For example, although the level of political discussion was nowhere near that of the Poli Sci gathering, it was Berkeley, after all, and the recent mid-term elections (the Democrats strengthened their hold on the House, maintained in the Senate, and gained two more governorships) plus speculation about '18 did play a significant role in the evening's conversation. Those who remembered her role in Jed Bartlet's administration kept asking her for "the insider's view" of the situation, and whether or not Sam Seaborn would run for president in '18.

But the long day was over and her only plans for tomorrow were to send Paddy off to school and to get ready for their trip to Sacramento on Saturday.

She had just come back from the bath and had removed her bra when Paul walked into the room. He came up behind her and wrapped his arms under her breasts. His left hand caressed her right nipple while his right hand drifted over her stomach, teasing the edge of her hip-riding panties. He kissed the nape of her neck and then whispered into her ear, telling her that he would be with her shortly. Then Paul headed toward the closet, hung up his suit jacket, removed and hung up the trousers, and went into the bath.

Her day was not quite over; there was one more task to perform. As she had done on most of the nights since she had married this man, she would make love with him.

Not that it **was** a job, or a chore, she giggled to herself as she slipped off her underwear and climbed into bed. In all likelihood, she would be lying in satisfied comfort, drifting off to sleep in twelve minutes, maybe twenty at the max. More often than not, the sex was efficient and quick.

But it was not perfunctory or taken for granted. Many of their sexual unions were subdued, her climaxes warm undulating waves that lifted and lowered her several times over rather than loud quaking and when he released, it was with a mild shudder rather than a vigorous tremor. But afterward, his smile when he looked into her face with love and with thanks for her love, when that smile momentarily brightened when he saw similar love and gratitude in her eyes, when they exchanged delicate little kisses, was always as warm and true as when their passions were more along the lines of the scenes in the drugstore romances to which Carol and Margaret had got her addicted.

And of course, there were many times when they did spend much more time in foreplay, when they might change positions three or four times before exploding with each other. There were times when either because she wanted to, or because he wanted her to, she would pleasure him with hands and mouth until he swore he would burst with need. And then there were the times that Paul fingered, palmed, and mouthed her until she was so fulfilled, so engorged, so swollen with desire that when he did enter her, she was as tight as that very first time. Those times were glorious, were raucous, were intense, and those times satisfied deep needs for the two of them. But then, so did the little "almost very night" couplings like the one she was about to experience as Paul climbed into bed with her, and she turned into his waiting arms.

Paul pulled her close to him and began with a long undulating kiss that she duplicated. Gentle flutters and massages on her breasts were followed by fingers trailing down her stomach to her core. CJ's mouth moved to his ear and she traced the curves and dips with her tongue; she knew that, combined with her hand tracing the rim of his circumcision, the action would quickly turn satiny wrinkled softness into firm silky steel. The signals that she had somehow learned to give and he had somehow learned to read indicated that he need not take her over the edge once or twice beforehand. Rather, Paul should bring her to aching, throbbing readiness and then fill the void inside her and press his groin against hers so tightly that she couldn't tell her pulsing from his.

CJ knew that were she falling asleep, in pain, or even just not responsive, Paul would not have pressed her and would have backed away with no indication of displeasure or disappointment (well, maybe just the glimmer of disappointment). She knew that their experience was not the norm, especially for couples of their ages or couples with three young children. She knew that if they weren't having sex just about every night, it would not mean that their marriage was in any trouble. But she also knew that this nightly little ritual of soothing, relaxing, and reassuring intercourse made their marriage just that much better.

CJ started as she felt Paul's hand come between their bodies and begin again the combination of circles, pushing, and pulling that he had stopped five minutes ago when he slid into her, replacing the movement of his hand with a steady but not too intense in and out thrusting. There was just the slightest sign of concern in his eyes.

Apparently, her woolgathering about sex was having an effect on the sex that was taking place. She cleared her mind and concentrated on the sensations Paul was raising in her folds and in the pulsating little protuberance enclosed in them.

But for whatever reason, it wasn't working. It felt good, it felt damn good, but this time, that was as good as it was going to get.

"Don't worry about me," CJ whispered into Paul's ear.

He stopped the movement of his hand immediately, and then began again. "You know it's no worry, sweetheart," he said before using his mouth on her right nipple.

"My love, I think this is one of those times," CJ replied. Then she reached down, teased her fingers along the separation between his buttocks, cupped his testicles, and fondled the two masses, knowing that her actions would rekindle whatever diminishment of desire her inability to climax might have engendered in him.

After Paul released inside her and pulled her with him as he rolled to the side, CJ took hold of his hand and once again held his fingers firmly against her core. Holding them there harder then Paul would have ever touched her of his own accord, she thrust up against him, in much the same way as one presses against an aching tooth. Finally, when she used the heel of her hand to press his palm even more tightly into her, she felt the little pop! that indicated she was on the way to, if not release, at least relief.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," Paul whispered against her neck.

"There's nothing to apologize for; life just got a bit too complicated today."

"But I should have been able to – maybe if I had used my mouth," Paul protested.

"Paul Reeves," CJ gently scolded, "if you keep this up, I'm going to be tempted to break the promise I made thirty-five years ago. I've kept mine; you keep yours."

(The Past)

Mid-January, early 1980's; Berkeley CA

Paul knew immediately.

If he could have stopped he would have, but it was beyond his control. He was young; he was in love; it had been almost two weeks. (Last weekend, she had been recovering from a bad case of something intestinal and with all the wiping, she was chafed as badly as an infant. In fact, he shushed away her embarrassment – "I've kissed you there, sweetheart, I can certainly treat your rash" – and soothed her soreness with ointment and cool compresses, the way he had helped his cousin Gary with Gary and Serena's four-month old daughter Janelle.)

But his ejaculation inside her was an easing of pressure, nothing more. Paul had already begun to think about how to deal with the situation.

How Paul handled the next few minutes would make or break their relationship. He needed to find the right words, the right tone, to combine gentle reprimand with caring, to make sure he did not diminish the seriousness of the situation but at the same time not give her any reason to doubt his love for her.

First, Paul kissed the bridge of her nose; then he traced her brows and the line of her jaw with his forefinger. Usually by this time, he would have shifted off her body, bringing her with him to rest alongside him. However, he wanted to remain as close as possible to her and although he was growing more flaccid by the second, he knew that if neither of them moved, he would remain inside her warmth.

Finally, Paul ran his finger across her lips as her eyes began to reflect beginnings of unease. Resting his hand against the side of her face, he spoke softly.

"Sweetheart, please don't ever do that again."

For a quick second, her eyes flashed with guilt; then, just as quickly, they were masked.

"I don't underst - ".

"Claudia Jean."

CJ took in the sad little smile on Paul's face and her eyes watered. The little teardrops were followed by the babbling that marked her reaction to discomfort, to embarrassment, to overwrought excitement over things she felt passionately. She told him she had a lot on her mind. She was worried that she had bitten off too ambitious a course load for the semester and might not be able to keep up her GPA. Her brother Randy phoned; he, his wife, and his in-laws were coming down from Napa in two weeks and "wanted to meet your boyfriend". She was sure of her brother but not of Gina's parents. The new leadership in the Young Dems was all male and wanted to relegate the women to "busy work". And Laquisha Washington, who was in the room on the other side of the communal bathroom on her dorm floor, made some comment about "leaving the brothers to the sisters". So when she found herself not reaching, not pushing toward that "something", she began to try, and as she began to try, she became anxious. She knew that he was holding back, waiting for her, and she didn't know how to tell him that something wasn't right. True, he was her first love, but she had read enough, had sat in on enough hen sessions, to know that she was one lucky girl to have someone who cared so much about her pleasure. She didn't want him to feel lacking.

By this time, CJ was sobbing as well as babbling, ("I'm so sorry, I really am"), so Paul shushed her mouth with a kiss, then with fingers over her lips. He gently sucked away at her tears with his lips and his tongue, then continued to kiss her eyelids while whispering little nonsense words of comfort. Finally, he took her face between his hands, kissed her mouth again, and told her that their relationship had to be based on truth. Yes, there would always be "little white lies". If there was something wrong with her clothing or hair and she was not in a situation to remedy it, he was going to tell her that everything was fine rather than have her be self-conscious for several hours. If they were with a particular acquaintance of his and she didn't like the guy, he hoped that she would wait until later to tell him. But total honesty was crucial in their intimacy. He knew that God made men the way they were ("we can be pure sex addicts") in order to ensure preservation of the species, but he didn't know why God made women so complicated, didn't know why their sexuality and their emotions were so intrinsically intertwined. Then Paul asked her if she was having scruples, if she was having feelings of guilt. (And he sighed to himself when she said no. He loved her enough that if he had to give up making love with her for a while, he would have done so; but he was glad he didn't have to deny himself.) He asked her if maybe she was still a bit uncomfortable; maybe the bout of severe diarrhea and all that it entailed resulted in a minor infection or irritation. Maybe she should go to Student Health for an examination and some cultures. Finally, he told CJ he would spend whatever time it took, undertake whatever technique it took ("There are things we haven't tried yet, sweetheart") to make sure that she was fulfilled, but that she had to let him know what worked and what didn't.

By this time, she was crying again, told him again how sorry she was and wondered how he could ever forgive her.

His gentle smile started on his mouth, spread into his eyes, warmed his entire face.

"Sweetheart, you've said you're sorry. Now just tell me that it will never happen again and we'll forget all about it and move on to much nicer things."

So she did.

But CJ also told him that if, in the future, it happened again, if, in spite of everything he might do to her and with her, she "just couldn't", she wanted to be able to tell him and still "care take of you". She made him promise, just as he had made her promise

(The Present)

"And since that time, not with you, not with Danny, not with anyone I've ever cared about, I've never faked it, my love. I've kept faith and I need you to do the same."

Sunday December 11, 2016; 1:15 AM PST; the Embassy Suites, Sacramento, CA

CJ sighed and snuggled further into Paul's lap as her husband adjusted the arms that were crossed under her breasts. Paul nudged his foot at the little pile (bra,

Spanx ™, pantyhose, and slip) that topped the tuxedo jacket and two pair of shoes on the floor in front of the chair he and CJ occupied.

"Carol has good ideas," Paul whispered into her ear, punctuating each word with a soft sucking kiss on her jaw line.

Forty minutes ago, when the group entered the executive suite, Carol asked CJ to go with her to the bathroom.

"We're not still at the ball, Carol," Josh teased them. "Why do you need someone to go with you? Who's going to accost you in Sam and Morgan's room?"

But when Carol and CJ emerged five minutes later carrying their little undergarments, ("We needed help with our zippers"), all the other ladies realized how much more comfortable they could be. And Josh was disappointed when Donna was one of two women who did not come back into the living room of the suite carrying a brassiere. She told him it was sewn into the bodice of the strapless bottle green sheath she was wearing. The best she could do was to have Morgan put a safety pin across the back zipper about two inches down from the top, loosen the device to that point "and hope I don't spill out and share what belongs to you with the other guys. (When questioned by everyone except her fiancé, Ainsley didn't announce that she wasn't wearing a bra to begin with tonight; some things should remain between Glen and herself.)

Paul used his mouth to push aside the icy white necklace that circled CJ's neck and kissed her collarbone. She was wearing the same deep blue dress she had worn in Canada, but she was also wearing the jewels he given her three weeks ago; when the other women admired the pieces, Paul's ego received a pleasant boost. (He didn't know that CJ had called Donna and had asked the blonde, as a favor to her, to not wear the diamonds set in platinum that Josh had given to her for their wedding and for Noah's birth. Donna agreed; she was wearing the blue topazes that Josh gave her to accent the gauzy dress for Carol's wedding.)

"I must say, Sam," that your after-parties are as nice as your main events," David said as he absent-mindedly plaited Carol's dark tresses into a loose braid.

"Good friends, good scotch," Rick swirled the heavy cut glass tumbler in his hand, "and a beautiful woman on each of our laps. Life is good."

"The scotch is good but not as good as Aisling's," Paul whispered in CJ's ear before kissing it again.

"A marvelous end to a marvelous evening," Jean-Luc agreed.

"Maybe for you old marrieds, it's the end, but for some of us - ," Jesse twirled a nonexistent mustache, winked, and left the sentence unfinished.

"Indeed," Paul said in an overtone to CJ as his thumbs moved up and down the sides of her unbound breasts.

CJ started and then snuggled closer against her husband's groin. Paul's attentions were not obvious, were not any more intimate than those being paid by the other men to their wives (or, in Glen's case, to his betrothed.) But she was glad that he felt comfortable enough with her friends, with **their** friends, she corrected herself, to let down his guard in their company.

Friday night, after the kids had fallen asleep in front of the video and had been carried to bed, Paul had shown her that the events of the previous night were not to be repeated. With teasing playfulness, with expert caressing, and with skillful timing, he had aroused her to the onset of a crashing orgasm and then quickly replaced the dancing fingers with a very solid erection before she knew what was happening. He ejaculated before she finished coming. An hour later, he knelt her over the side of the bed and pounded and palmed her into ecstasy a second time. Garden variety sex it certainly was not. Tonight, between the lateness of the hour and the efforts of driving from Kensington to Sacramento, dining, dancing, and drinking through the ball and this delightful afterglow, she expected that the evening would end more sedately, but in a manner just as satisfying.

"We're so glad you all could be with us," Sam told the others as he unconsciously ran his hand under Morgan's dress and up her leg.

Glenallen Walken looked down at the woman whose head was resting against his shoulder. He still sometimes found it hard to believe that in about eight weeks, this seemingly fragile creature would be standing beside him in heirloom lace and satin, promising again before God, family, and friends what they had already promised to each other in private. It still confounded him that she would trust him, with all his mass, to not crush her when he possessed her, when she brought her legs around his girth, barely able to touch the sole of one foot against the other, and ground her core against him, making the sounds that made her seem more than ever like the delicate little bird she resembled, a delicacy that belied the strength of character, the intelligence of mind, and the integrity of soul that made Ainsley Haynes so much more than the blonde beauty many others saw.

Glen looked around the room and realized that although the company was pleasant, things could be better. As the highest ranking (if only for a few days) person in the room, he took it upon himself to make the executive decision. Gently, he shifted Ainsley off his lap and to his side, lifted himself from the loveseat.

"Gentlemen, thirty or forty years ago, when we were sixteen and seventeen, this was as good as it got. Limited by curfews, pushed by our own insecurities to show off in front of each other, to prove our burgeoning masculinity, perhaps more concerned with our reputations than our pleasure, and that of our companions, we would have continued this communal seduction for hours."

"_I have several pleasant and several unpleasant memories of make-out parties," Helen Santos said as she sipped her spiked eggnog._

"_What I really hated were the guys who tried to bare your boobs in front of the other boys," Abbey told the others._

"_Glen's right, the group grope was often for the benefit of the other guys," Leo added._

"_I preferred the relative privacy of 'Seven Minutes in Heaven', although the closest I got was a dry hump," Percy Fitzwallace said with a gravelly laugh._

"_I seemed to have the worst luck with 'Spin the Bottle'. I always got the real losers." Delores Landingham sighed._

"_Yes, it all depended on the laddie," Brianna giggled in agreement._

"_An' how many other laddies were there now," Jem asked. "After all, ye were only seventeen when we married."_

"_Tal and I met playing Post Office." Kathleen Cregg smiled at her husband._

"_Disgusting!" Esther Dawson grumbled. "Tell me you didn't do any of that, Alicia. Alicia? Where's Alicia?"_

"_Some things are better just between two people," Danny whispered as he and Alicia snuck off toward Cassiopeia's Chair._

"_Indeed."_

"_Kissing! Ick!"_

_Cosmas, Damian, and Theo ran off, intending to drop the frogs in their hands down the backs of Danielle and Leslie._

"But now we are grown men, successful men," the man from Illinois opined. "We all have pleasant accommodations elsewhere in this inn. I, for one, would prefer to continue this in the privacy of my room and the comfort of my bed. I suggest you do the same."

"You know, for a Republican, the man has some pretty good ideas," Josh said as Glenn helped Ainsley to her feet and toward the door.

The others followed suit. Paul gave CJ a gentle little push, stood up, and then bent down for the shoes, the jacket, and the bits of feminine infrastructure. Everyone made plans to meet for breakfast at about 10:30.

Paul and CJ were just down the hall and they walked to their suite arm in arm. CJ took the things from him when they reached their door, so Paul could reach into his pocket for the key card.

CJ put the things on the coffee table as Paul fastened the dead bolt.

"Darling, would you undo my zip - ".

Paul turned her around, backed her against the wall, and stopped her words with a deep open mouthed kiss. His right hand pulled up her skirts, dipped under them, and pulled the one remaining undergarment to her ankles and off her feet. Then he knelt down in front of her, pulled her left leg over his right shoulder, and, steadying her with his left hand at her waist, put his right hand on her backside and pressed her tight against his mouth.

His nose was working the throbbing nub, his tongue was washing up and down the length of her, his lips had formed a seal around her outer ones. CJ trembled. Fearful of falling, she tried to steady herself by bracing her hands on his shoulders. Her climax tore through her like a tornado and her elbows collapsed. Paul's hands held her tight against his face, supporting her from the waist down. Were it not for the wall behind her, she would have fallen over his left side.

As CJ returned to some semblance of reality, Paul lowered his right shoulder and shifted it from under her leg. Bracing her against the wall, he stood and put an arm on each of her shoulders, resting his forehead against hers.

Paul considered lifting her into his arms and carrying her into the other room, then considered the amount of champagne, wine and scotch he had consumed, and decided that discretion was the better part of valor.

Paul pulled his head back and smiled into his wife's eyes.

"Now I'm ready to follow the former President's directive."

December 17, 2016; 10:15 PM PST; San Luis Obispo, CA

"Oh, by the way, Paul, I met your brother last week. He seems like a great guy."

When pressed for an explanation by a somewhat puzzled Paul and CJ, Jessica explained that she, Laura Robbins, and Diana Muñoz were having an impromptu lunch on the pier in Santa Monica when Clara and Alex walked by their table.

CJ was about to ask more questions when Matt Santos came up to the table where CJ, Paul, and Jessica were sitting.

"If I may interrupt, may I have this - "

He really should be asking me for permission, Paul thought to himself. That is what men do, even if nowadays the proper reply to such a question is that it is up to the woman. Just three weeks ago, Franklin Hollis had called him, saying, "If you have no objections, I'd like to ask CJ to take Terry McGovern's place on the board in July, when his term expires."

But then Paul saw the smile that couldn't mask the sadness in the former president's eyes and remembered what it was like to attend your first social event since losing a beloved wife. It was only eight months since Helen Santos passed.

"dance, Jessica?"

"Indeed you may, Mr. Pres- "

"Matt, please," the man said, his smile momentarily brightening as the willowy blonde accepted his hand and walked away from the table.

Secretly, Paul was relieved, although the young widower was one of the few men in the room with whom he would trust his wife tonight.

Earlier in the evening, dressing for the Hollis Foundation Christmas party at Bonnie and Jean-Luc's, Paul knew that CJ had bought a new dress and that he had not yet seen it.

As he left the bathroom, Paul glanced over at CJ and then stopped, turned around and stared at her. CJ was reaching for a black dress hanging on the closet door. She was wearing a black half slip, sheer black hose, and black sandals with two-inch heels. But she appeared to have nothing on above her waist.

CJ sensed that she was being observed and turned to face her husband. Paul saw that her breasts were covered by what appeared to be two detached bra cups in a beige shade and he remembered seeing similar items in the shops when he purchased lingerie for first Alicia and then CJ.

CJ smiled at him as she slipped the dress over her head.

From the front, the dress appeared extremely modest. The halter top covered her bosom completely and the two sections met right below the start of the swell of the breasts. The skirt, several layers of chiffon over a black silk underskirt, ended about an inch below her knees.

"Do the zipper and help me hook the straps," CJ asked, indicating the two pieces that would meet behind her neck. When she turned her back to him, he saw why she was wearing the adhesive stick-on bra cups. There was absolutely no fabric from the waist up.

After Paul pulled up the zipper and hooked the two pieces of cloth at the nape of her neck, he noticed that the sides of the dress were extremely loose; he could see under them to what appeared to all the world to be naked orbs of flesh.

Paul had never asked either of his wives not to wear something and he didn't want to start now, so he reminded himself that CJ would never to anything that would imply she was anything less than a lady.

However, CJ must have seen something on his face because after she turned to him, holding something labeled "dress and lingerie tape" ("Stick it on me, and then stick the sides of the dress onto it; it's double-sided.") her face grew a bit uncertain.

"I did bring along the palazzo pants and a black and gold brocade tunic if you would rather - ".

"_Yes, you __**would**__ rather!" Danny insisted._

Paul quickly kissed her, said that he was sure everything would be fine, except that he was a bit nervous about having the most stunning date at the party.

"So let's get you taped up."

Once fastened in place, the dress did look amazing on her. And the icy white topaz and sterling jewelry sitting on the dresser would be dazzling against the inky blackness.

But Paul did decide that CJ would dance almost all of the dances with her husband.

So now, Paul smiled at her. "Shall we, sweetheart?" (He couldn't decide whether it was better to put his right hand on her bare back or on her fabric covered butt, and switched back and forth before deciding on the former.)

"So, Alex and Clara," CJ said, smiling up at him.

"And you had nothing to do with it," Paul laughed.

"No, but if it does turn out to be something, I'm happy for both of them."

Late last February, CJ and Paul were very upset when Paul's older brother came to them, devastated, and told them that after over thirty years of marriage and three grown children, Eve told him that she "needed to find herself" and was filing for divorce. ("It was two days after Valentines' Day, Paul! She seemed perfectly happy with the dinner, the bracelet. We had great sex," Alex told him, almost in tears.) Paul tried to talk with his sister-in-law, but soon realized that something was driving Eve to this decision and that, in the long run, the dissolution would be the best thing for Alex, so he did his best to counsel his older brother ("You can't force her to stay, you know.") and convinced him not to fight the divorce and to agree to an equitable division of the property.

Alex had his ups and downs. One of his down periods came while CJ and Paul were at Lake Louise and two days before they were due to come home, Alex made a spur of the moment decision to show up at the door of the house in Kensington.

After being welcomed with shouts of "Uncle Alex!" and being jumped on by Paddy and Caitlin, Clara invited the Army colonel into the house ("You can sleep in Derrick's bed, Uncle Alex!") and said that of course he must stay until his brother and sister-in-law returned. When the four of them went out to dinner the night before Clara returned to Santa Monica, the conversation was relaxed and easy. Alex seemed to be feeling better. He told Paul that he was throwing himself into his medical work. In fact, he was up for brigadier general.

Alex left three days later, feeling much better. The younger Reeves family told him that he would be more than welcome to spend the Christmas holiday with them. Paddy even offered to sleep on the floor of Caitlin and Dansha's room so Alex and Derrick could use his bedroom.

As the set ended, Paul and CJ found themselves by the table where Derrick was seated with the young French professor he had met the night before at Bonnie and Jean-Luc's party. Paul and CJ talked with Natasha while Derrick went to get a fresh bottle of champagne and clean flutes.

When the band came back from its break, Derrick asked his father for permission to dance with CJ. Derrick was one of maybe eight men (Matt Santos, Sam Seaborn, Franklin Hollis, Glenallan Walken, Jean-Luc Fallières, Jesse Muñoz, and the chaplain of Cal Poly's Newman Club were the others) in the room to whom Paul had no objection as a partner for CJ, so Paul immediately told his son that "I have no problem if your stepmother has no problem" and Derrick and CJ joined the other dancers.

As Derrick danced with CJ, he realized that he envied his father this evening. His father might have only the second most beautiful woman in the room as his companion, but unlike himself, the man whose date was the most beautiful, his father's evening would (unless Derrick was totally off base about Natasha) have an infinitely more pleasant ending than would Derrick's.

Even if CJ weren't his father's wife, Derrick would have only respectful admiration for her. As beautiful as she was, as alluring was her perfume, and as tastefully sexy was her little black dress, CJ was old enough to be his mother and Derrick knew that even if CJ were single, she would be attracted to someone like his father, someone with the grace and elegance that fifty plus years brought to a man. And Derrick knew that while he didn't mind that Natasha ("the future Mrs. Derrick Reeves, but she doesn't know it yet") was sixteen months older than he was, Derrick also knew that he was not the type to look for a "Mrs. Robinson".

But he was jealous that his father would have a delightful, delicate, delicious smelling creature in his bed tonight. And even if his father did not have sexual intimacy with his stepmother (a concept Derrick felt was highly unlikely), his father would have the comfort of her presence beside him.

Derrick looked up and saw that his father was dancing with Natasha. The two of them were talking easily and Natasha seemed to be enjoying being on the dance floor with his father. Excellent. If Natasha thought that Derrick was anything like his father, it could only be a good thing.

December 18, 2016; 12:20 AM; _home of Bonnie and Jean-Luc Fallières_

_When they checked on the kids, Dansha was sniffling a bit, so CJ stayed behind to coat her little chest with VapoRub ™ while Paul proceeded to their room._

_Paul had taken off his shoes and socks, his dress shirt, and his undershirt by the time CJ came into the room._

_"What a wonderful evening," she said as she kicked off her shoes and pulled off her hose. "And Derrick seems to be quite taken with Natasha, doesn't he?" She took off the jewelry and walked up to her husband._

_"Help me with the dress?"_

_Paul gently pulled at the sides of the dress, loosening the tape from her skin. Then he reached behind her neck and unhooked the two straps._

_"Do these pull off by themselves?" he indicated the cups covering her breasts._

_"Gently; not like my band aids," CJ said the two of them smiled, remembering their first time together so many years ago._

_But after she was bared, CJ looked up at Paul with questions in her eyes. Her husband had refastened the halter top around her neck._

_"I've thought about nothing but doing this all night," Paul whispered in her ear. Then he started humming and danced her around the room. His arms were wrapped tightly around her back and reached under the loose sides of the dress, playing with her and pressing her unfettered softness tightly against him. She could feel him lengthening against her and reached for his zipper._

_Pants fell to the floor and he stepped out of them. The dress' zipper was undone and the halter straps once more unfastened. The black silkiness joined the dark grey wool on the rug and the slip soon followed. Finally, silk boxers and silk panties joined the other pieces of clothing._

_A quick check with his fingers; they squeaked in the warm wetness. Paul lifted her slightly and she was impaled on him. Creamy arms surrounded cinnamon shoulders; ivory legs wrapped around a mahogany trunk; strong brown arms supported a pale bottom. Luckily, the bed was only five feet away._

_Seven minutes later, she stiffened and squealed as he shook and grunted._

_Two miles away, Derrick Reeves stepped out of the cold shower and tried not to think of either his parents or of the Arizona BA, Chicago PhD who had kissed him goodnight with a smile and firmly shut her condo door in his face._

_Sunday, January 1, 2017; 1:15 AM; Kensington, CA_

_"Good night, Alex, thanks again, for staying with the kids, and Happy New Year. See you in the morning."_

_CJ reached up, kissed her brother-in-law's cheek, and headed toward the bedrooms._

_With any luck, this would be the last party for a while. Valentine's Day was six weeks away. Damn, she forgot about the Super Bowl. _

_Not that the Reeves were hermits or agoraphobic, but this particular holiday season had been one event after another, an average of two a week since Thanksgiving if you counted the family parties at Mary Mag and at Paul's church. (All three kids had roles in the children's pageants. Dansha was a lamb in both. Caitlin was an angel at Paul's church and a camel at CJ's. Paddy was a shepherd at Paul's and and Caspar at Mary Mag.) _

_In fact, she and Paul usually didn't go out on New Year's Eve, preferring to spend the time at home, but Spencer and Lydia Gunn had just signed over to the church a living trust with three million dollars in principle, and Paul felt as if the invitation was really a command couched in pleasantry. _

_Alex had spent Christmas with his middle son and family, but did come to stay with them on the 27__th__. Alex told them that he would indeed be promoted and would be director of the hospital at Fort Irwin, just east of Barstow. (When CJ asked how he could stand being in Barstow, of all places, Alex told them that "although it's not engraved in stone", he had been told that in two years, when the man in charge at Livorno retired, "I'll have right of first refusal".) When pressed about Clara, Alex did admit to finding her company enjoyable and that 140 miles one-way was not that bad a drive. Yes, of course, he wasn't going to rush headlong into anything, but then, in two years' time, if things worked out, well, after all, Clara did have family in Greece._

_Derrick had come up for Christmas, of course, but left on the 29__th__. There was a party in San Luis Obispo and Natasha Montmorency had agreed to cut short her time in Arizona in order to go with him. CJ told Derrick that Natasha seemed like a very nice young woman and that Derrick could do a lot worse. Derrick told CJ that he totally agreed with her and only hoped that Natasha didn't think that __**she**__ couldn't do much worse than himself. _

_"The girl has a PhD; she's got to be smart enough to see that my baby is perfect for her," Alicia said to Hugh Stewart._

_"Ah, the lass is keen, ta be sure, but book smart dinna always mean heart smart."_

_Deborah wasn't with them. This year, it was Tom's turn to fill in for another resident who was marrying over the holiday, so for the first time, their family was incomplete at Christmas._

_After checking on the kids, CJ walked into the bedroom, kicked off her shoes, and dropped the ubiquitous black palazzo pants to the floor. This time, they had been topped by a white satin blouse with little spaghetti straps and stitched horizontal pleats over her bust. She had once again worn the garnet necklace, but she also wore the pieces that Paul had indeed given her Christmas morning. The bracelet was a smaller copy of the necklace, but the earrings were absolutely stunning. She was at a complete loss for words when she opened the box to see two garnet round-cut stones, about two carats each. From each stud, four little arcs comprised of four half-carat marquise cut stones radiated in a half-fan pattern. Tonight, she had worn her hair pinned back at the sides in order to showcase the jewelry and she was the envy of every woman at the Gunn's party._

_Stripped of her clothing and her stones, she slipped into a violet negligee (another present from her husband) and got into bed. _

_Paddy would be back in school on Tuesday. Classes at Berkeley wouldn't start for almost two weeks and since Paul wasn't teaching during PSR's intersession, he had no classes scheduled until the end of the month. Of course, there was always bureaucratic work involved with the start of a new term, but their calendars would be lighter than usual. Therefore, they decided to see how Caitlin and Dansha would manage being in day care from 9:00 to 3:30, five days a week, for the next two weeks.("Our Christmas present to ourselves," Paul had said with the smile that still caused little quakes to travel from her breasts to between her legs and to start the moisture flowing in those folds.)_

_She must have dozed, but she woke when she felt the mattress shift as a naked Paul joined her. Smiling, she turned to him. Her fingers stroked down his hip as his fingers stroked up hers, bringing the gown with it. As their mouths worked magic one on the other, she opened her legs, first to his knee, then to his thigh, and finally to the long, thick, and pulsating hardness that both of them knew would be enough for her tonight._

_The new year was less than two hours old, but it already was a very good year. _


	21. Massage Package Eleven

**Massage Package Eleven**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult –

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Note: the Ventana Inn and Nepenthe are real places in Big Sur. Massage Package Eleven exists in rumor and legend under various names, but Arun and Chandra are figments of my imagination and I have no knowledge that such a treatment is available at Ventana Inn.

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed**.**

**3:30 PM PDT, Friday March 3, 2017; California Route 1, south of Carmel-by-the-Sea, north of Big Sur**

CJ eased off the brake as she came out of the curve. She glanced in the rear view mirror, noticing that the car behind her was still following at a respectful distance. Good. She was comfortable with her speed and was glad that apparently the other driver was okay with it as well. Of course, the highway was taking an inward jag as it approached the little town of Big Sur, where she and her husband would be spending the weekend at Ventana Inn, so she needn't be quite as careful as she had been for the past twenty or so miles.

Speaking of Paul, she glanced over at the man sitting in the passenger seat and smiled.

"We should be there in a half-hour, sweetheart," Paul said as he stretched and returned her smile. "Excellent timing."

"You know me too well. You knew exactly how much time we could spend at lunch in Monterey, and how much to visit the old mission in Carmel."

And thank you for letting me drive today, CJ thought to herself.

Unexpectedly, CJ found herself comparing how Paul and Danny dealt with her driving the Mustang.

In the beginning, Danny had reluctantly accepted the fact that she was going to drive her "baby" on a regular basis, but not without a fair amount of grumbling. After the incident in '10, and an argument brokered by the man now sitting beside her ("CJ, Danny, I prefer the term 'intense discussion' to fight or argument"), she and Danny had compromised, agreeing to keep the car for use only when he was with her. However, by the time Danny was diagnosed, CJ had been taking the Mustang without him on occasion, usually when she was doing things with the other women on the block (but never with Paddy). Although Danny seemed to give in on that point, he was very conservative about where she could drive, even when he was with her. For example, Danny would never have let her drive the coast highway southbound, where the road sometimes came perilously close to the cliffs down to the ocean.

Paul, on the other hand, had been gently but irrevocably adamant from the beginning that she was not to drive the convertible unless he, Randy, or Derrick were in the car with her. However, once the passenger seat was occupied by himself or one of his surrogates, Paul had no fears about her driving. ("It's your safety in a car with a soft, easy to cut top that concerns me, sweetheart, not your skill set.") Paul not only had no problem with her taking the wheel for the final leg of their journey, he had even dozed off for about fifteen minutes – a reaction, perhaps, to the wine he had consumed with their lunch.

Actually, CJ realized, it shouldn't surprise her that she should think of Danny on this trip. After all, when Paul first mentioned that Derrick had made plans for the inn that he would not be able to use and that Paul had accepted the offer to use the reservations, she did experience a moment or two of concern. However, she had quickly told herself that it had only been that one week during their trip when she was carrying the twins. For that matter, the night in San Francisco – when her red-headed husband had in one breath told her that, had John Hoynes been unmarried during the Bartlet administration, Danny could easily have seen a relationship between the Vice-president and the President's press secretary, and in the next breath told her that he would have fought anyone and everyone, mortal or immortal, to win her for himself - that was the memory that meant the most to her from that time. Indeed, when Paul had indicated that he had been planning a weekend honeymoon in the city (before Derrick and Deborah gave them the week in Calistoga), she told him "as long as it's not the Fairmont."

So, observing Paul's attempts to contain his enthusiasm for the idea of the trip when he had asked her if she had any problems with it, CJ had quickly sublimated any apprehension and plans were made.

CJ was trying to remember if she had ever told Paul that she and Danny had stayed at the Ventana. Well, it was too late to mention it now. The last thing she wanted to do was put a damper on the next forty-eight hours. Between the start of the new terms at Berkeley and at PSR, her final work on defending her dissertation, the kids' winter colds, and Joe Dawson's mild heart attack (which necessitated a trip back East for Paul), there had not been much time for romantic interludes since Christmas. (Not that **that** ever stopped either of them from making the best of less than optimal circumstances.)

Also, CJ realized that although she would always love Danny, would always miss the man who pursued her for eight years and possessed her for six, she was also becoming accustomed to not having him in her life and becoming accustomed to having Paul there. Last month, when Dansha's bronchitis kept her from going down to Santa Monica on the anniversary of Danny's death, she arranged for flowers to be sent to the grave, went to Mass at Mary Mag, and spent extra time after the service in quiet contemplation after lighting a candle for Danny. A year ago, she would have been distraught at being torn between her daughter and her first husband.

I'm happy, CJ realized, as she heard again the soft breathing that indicated Paul had dozed off. Yes, I miss Danny and yes, I miss our friends in Santa Monica. But I really don't miss the bit of a spotlight in which he and I continued to live – the work for Frank Hollis, Danny's prizes. I think that had he not died, we would have drifted into the type of life Paul and I now have. Danny would have gone whole hog into teaching, and I would have backed away from running "Road", maybe taking a seat on the board like Frank and Sarita want me to do later this year, maybe even being "just a wife and mom". So the happiness I feel now with Paul, I would have felt with Danny. Oops! That's the entrance to the inn just up ahead.

CJ figured she must have braked a bit too strenuously, because Paul started out of his nap and strained against his seat belt.

"We're here," CJ said, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry about the sudden stop."

"I'll survive," Paul laughed. "Let's go find out what all the fuss is about." He let himself out of the car as the valet opened CJ's door and asked for the keys to the trunk. Within seconds, a bellman was taking their bags and escorting them into the main building.

**4:15 PM PST; Ventana Inn, Big Sur, CA**

"Chrissie, this is Rafe. I need to speak with Jim or Martina. There's a major plumbing problem in Mr. and Mrs. Reeves' room."

"I'm sure that they will take care of this immediately," the bellman said to CJ and Paul, then returned his attention to the phone.

"Jim, I'm afraid that the room we've assigned to Mr. and Mrs. Reeves is not habitable. The shower is running and we would have to shut off the water to the bath." Pause. "Got it. I'll meet you there with Mr. and Mrs. Reeves." Pause. "What's that again? Oh, thank you for letting me know."

Rafe hung up the phone. "Dr. Reeves, Mrs. Reeves, we will be moving you to another room. If you will follow me, the assistant manager will meet us with the keys."

The young man picked up the bags and led CJ and Paul down the hall and to the elevator. "We'll be going to another building," Rafe said as he pressed the button.

Fifteen minutes later, CJ and Paul were in their new room.

"They've upgraded us," Paul said, as he took in the fireplace with its sitting area and the wet bar.

"Indeed they have. Come in here," CJ called from the bathroom. "We've got a double tub."

"A Jacuzzi?"

"No, just a soaking tub, but still."

CJ was extremely happy with the events of the afternoon. The original room was right next to the one that she and Danny had used when they were here nine years ago.

The assistant manager had apologized for the inconvenience and hoped that the alternate accommodations would be satisfactory. Then he reminded CJ and Paul that the complimentary wine and cheese hour would be ending "at five-ish"; perhaps they would like to go down to the lobby and unpack later. They could ride back to the main building in his golf cart.

"We'll just grab our suits," Paul said. "We were planning on a swim before our dinner reservation."

**6:15 AM, PST; Saturday, March 4, 2017;**

CJ stretched; reaching down with her legs, her feet touched the bottom of the bed and pushed against the sheet and blankets that were tucked under the mattress.

With her eyes still closed, she took in the sounds of birds greeting the new day and the sounds of surf hitting the rocks in the distance. With her eyes still closed, she took in the scent of the smoldering embers in the fireplace, the scent of the herbs wafting through the open window, and, of course, the scent of the man against whom her body rested.

CJ slowly opened her eyes and grinned at her first sight of Paul's face, peaceful in slumber and with a slight smile on his face. She knew from experience that it was a smile of satisfaction and she grinned again, remembering the events of the previous day that were no doubt responsible for that smile.

At the wine and cheese hour in the lobby, the two of them engaged in light conversation with their fellow guests. At the end of the reception, they headed for the heated pool (When asked if they were going to the "clothing optional" pool, Paul merely smiled and said that he and CJ would leave that for another time. Once out of earshot of the man who asked the question, Paul told CJ that he silently added, "when you aren't around to leer at my wife." CJ laughed, but also said that she would prefer "leaving public nudity to women who haven't gone through four pregnancies." Paul replied that there was "nothing wrong with your body and that's why I'd rather not have other men ogling you." They laughed together and ended up walking to the "clothing required" pool arm in arm.)

Two hours later, CJ and Paul were sitting on the terrace outside the onsite restaurant, enjoying _kirs royale_ and crudités while waiting for their table. They ate somewhat lightly (she had the chicken, he the risotto), splitting a salad and a dessert. Dinner was followed by a walk of the grounds. When CJ shivered in the post-sunset breeze, Paul took off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders.

Later, back in their room, Paul lit the fire that had been laid by the staff and whose embers still faintly glowed in the pre-dawn semi-darkness. Then he slowly, gently, and reverently made love to her on the luxurious bed. It was as if they were reliving their very first time together.

CJ moved her leg and brushed against Paul's groin. Looking down, she saw evidence that if her husband were dreaming, his dreams were very pleasant. She weighed the idea of cupping that erection, but didn't want to wake Paul.

"Go ahead, sweetheart, it won't bite."

CJ looked up and saw that the smile on her husband's mouth was now reflected in his open eyes.

Three minutes later, CJ sighed as she parted her legs and Paul came over her, murmuring against her neck how much he loved her, how much he thanked God for her.

**3:44 AM, PST; Sunday, March 5, 2017**;

Paul fought against the invasion of the outside world into his mind. It was dark, it was quiet. The bed was warm and soft and the body beside him was warmer and softer.

The body beside him was also moving; any lingering desire to slip back in unconsciousness disappeared as Paul reacted to that realization.

Opening his eyes, Paul looked over to CJ. In one second, he relaxed as he recognized that her movements were not those of distress but of sexual enjoyment. His wife was having an erotic dream. In addition to her movements, she began to make sounds that left no doubt what was happening to her in sleep.

In their forty months of married life, Paul figured that there had been about eighteen similar occasions. Given the events of the previous day, the fact that CJ was experiencing such a dream now was testament to her sensuality.

After their early morning intercourse, CJ and Paul fell back asleep for about an hour. Following breakfast in the lobby, they took part in a nature hike led by one of Big Sur's long-time residents.

They drove to Nepenthe for lunch and browsed in some of the little shops for an hour or so before returning to the inn and a couple of hours in the pool and the hot tub. Then it was time for their massage appointment.

Two weeks ago, when Paul had mentioned to Lee Hotchkiss that he and CJ would be going away for this weekend and where they were going, the retired Berkeley administrator told him, "See if you can sign up for Massage Package Eleven with Arun and Chandra." When pressed, Lee only smiled and told Paul to pursue the matter.

Paul and CJ had been given a bottle of "preparatory solution" to be used in their room's soaking tub; they told to relax in it for twenty minutes before their appointment "but don't consume any alcohol for at least two hours beforehand."

At 4:30, dressed, as instructed, only in the Egyptian cotton robes that were in their room, CJ and Paul opened the door to a middle-aged couple pushing a cart full of paraphernalia. Arun introduced himself and his wife as he set up the two massage tables in the room.

For the next hour, Arun's fingers, hands, and fists oiled, kneaded, massaged, and soothed every square millimeter of Paul's body other than his genitalia while Chandra's did the same with CJ's. Paul had never been so relaxed, so loose, and yet so acutely aware of every little square millimeter of his skin. It was as if he could sense each individual cell on the surface of his body.

At the end of the hour, Arun spread a thick cotton blanket on the bed and the masseurs wrapped the Reeves' bodies, mummy-style, in pleasantly scented strips of cloth and told the couple to lie on the bed while the equipment was packed up and the cart moved outside the room. After twenty minutes, the winding cloths were removed and the robes draped over their shoulders and tied around their waists.

"As part of the package, your dinner reservation has been changed to room service. Simply call when you are ready, even if it is after normal hours," Chandra told CJ and Paul. Arun and she gathered up the strips and the blanket from the bed and left the room.

Not one touch that Paul had experienced had been inappropriate, not even when Arun used the back of his forearm to gently shift Paul's penis from the left to the right side of his groin. (And talking with CJ later, she confirmed that Chandra had not touched her in any way that could be considered sexual.) But within three seconds, before Paul heard the sound of cart being moved, he suddenly realized that he was harder, more engorged than he had been in a very long time, perhaps since his early twenties. His body, still very much aware of every molecule, was also suddenly very hot, very much needing to be pressed against that of his wife.

Paul looked over to CJ. He could feel the heat radiating from her body across the two feet between them. Her eyes were bright with desire and her hands were untying her robe; he followed suit.

Where he was diamond hard, CJ was swollen so much, it was like the first time she had given herself to him. But the glovelike fit was accompanied by incredible wetness, and his entry, though tight, was easy.

On his second thrust, Paul felt himself explode inside her. For a brief bit of a second, he cursed himself, but then he felt her spasm and clutch around him, heard her cry of pleasure combine with his, remembered hearing similar cries coming from another room yesterday afternoon, and now understood both the nature of the cries and why the inn strongly discouraged guests from bringing children with them. Right before blackness overtook him, he heard the ding of the elevator in the distance. It had been less than two minutes since the masseurs had left.

They woke simultaneously maybe a half-hour later, staring into each other's eyes. They were lying on their sides, facing each other. Paul somehow managed to notice that it was about 6:30. His arms and legs felt like limp noodles, unable to move, but there was one part of him, still buried inside her, that was still not limp, still not tired, and still very much able to move.

This time, they held onto each other's buttocks, making sure that each thrust was met solidly by the other's pelvis. This time, it took seven strokes to reach mutual orgasm, but their cries of satisfaction still reached beyond their room.

At 8:00, they woke again, realized they were starving, and called down for room service. When the meal arrived, the porter handed them a small bag. Inside were another bottle and a note from Arun and Chandra. "We've added some items to your dinner requests. Take another bath between dinner and dessert."

In addition to the steak and pommes frites, salad, and pinot noir that CJ and Paul had requested, there was a plate of chilled shellfish, a bottle of champagne, an assortment of pastries, and a selection of herbal teas to be used with the in-room coffeemaker/waterheater. They ate their dinner on the deck and, following the instructions, drew another bath in the double soaking tub.

This time, they engaged in foreplay for about ten minutes before Paul leaned CJ over the edge of the tub, her arms and head resting on folded towels on the ledge, and gently pressed against her buttocks and legs. This time, CJ climaxed once on his fingers before the two of them once again reached mutual satisfaction.

Paul lit the tinder and kindling under the logs in the fireplace and the two of them sat cross-legged on the bed, eating pastry and drinking more champagne and the teas. Finally, they made love a fourth time, with an orgasm that gently swelled and ebbed rather than exploding.

And now, several hours later, Paul smiled at the memory, realizing that he had never felt so physically satisfied. But apparently, CJ was reliving the evening.

Several times among those eighteen times in the past, CJ woke in the middle of her passion and the two of them made middle of the night love. For the other times, Paul would carefully and gently finger and palm her, making sure that his touches, while helping her to satisfaction in sleep, did not cause her to wake. His enjoyment came from knowing that she was being pleasured in her dreams.

So Paul stretched out his hand, ready to lightly caress, to provide firmness against which she could thrust and twist.

But something blocked his way. It was as if there were an invisible shield covering her. Paul thought he saw a pulsing difference in the darkness, as if another body were covering CJ's.

"What the - ", Paul thought, not quite believing what his hand told him.

Then the previously incoherent little sounds of pleasure became understandable words.

"Oh, God, that's so good, Danny!"

Paul's hand dropped to his side and he sat up.

"Get the hell out of my bed and don't ever come back!"

Paul was sure he had shouted the words, but they did not wake CJ. However, Paul did have a sense of wind leaving the room. He cautiously reached out to CJ and his arm, unimpeded, draped across her waist.

CJ moaned again and twisted her body. One part of Paul's psyche wanted to help her, but another part, more primal, more jealous, just couldn't make himself do so.

So he lay there, a few silent tears escaping from his eyes, and watched as CJ's own hand snaked between her legs and pressed up and in three times. She shook slightly.

Paul did not fault CJ for dreaming of Danny. He had dreamt of Alicia, sexually, over the years since his first wife's death, including twice since his marriage to CJ. Dreams were involuntary, dreams were caused by multiple stimuli, and he hadn't really thought about them, except in that they reminded him of a woman with whom he had shared so much. Now he wondered, did he also call out in his sleep? Had CJ kept similar situations from him?

CJ had apparently achieved some level of release, or relief, both physically and in her dreams, and had fallen back into quiet sleep. Sighing to himself, Paul gathered her into her rightful place against his side and under his arm, lightly kissing the top of her head. The warmth of her body and the steadiness of her breathing soothed him and he followed her into slumber.

"_Ye shouldna done that, Danny," Jem Ogilvie gently reproved the red-headed reporter. "CJ is Paul's wife now, and it's him that has the right an' the duty ta see to her pleasure."_

"_You're right, I know," Danny answered, plopping himself down on the little cloud tuft next to Jem. "But it hurt so much, to realize that the two of them were in a place that she and I enjoyed together and that it didn't seem to matter to her, to realize that I'm mattering less and less to her everyday."_

"_I ken it hurts, lad. It hurt me ta see Brianna wi' you, that first summer, relieving her needs and teaching you everything I taught her; and then Hugh, not only taking her to bed, but giving her his name and getting bairns on her body. But just as life isn't always fair, neither is afterlife." Jem turned to face Danny, his face tightly clenched with intensity._

"_And it's not that you matter less," the Scotsman continued, "it's just Their way of helping her to deal wi' the loss, to live out the life They want her to have. Do ye really want her to spend the next twenty or thirty or more years with only her subconscious and her own hand to take care of her needs? And what about her other needs? Don't you want a man there to see to the things a man needs to do, both for her and for your children?" _

"_Of course I want her happy, of course I want the three of them taken care of. I picked the man, for heaven's sake!" Danny responded._

"_And what about Alicia? They've given you something not normally given to most of us who arrive first. Believe me, those twenty years waiting for Brianna were hard, and even now, even though I never want, or feel I have to wait, I know that just as she and I – well, I know that she and Hugh are also – well, again, Danny, you are blessed indeed."_

"_I am, aren't I?" Danny looked down to Big Sur, to the woman sleeping against the side of the man to whom he had entrusted her. _

"_I'm sorry, Jeannie, and I'm sorry, my friend. I'll never do that again."_

_Pistol came up and laid his head against Danny's thigh. Even in heaven, a man sometimes needed the only friend who never found fault, never criticized. _

CJ and Paul had already decided that they would spend Sunday morning leisurely and had arranged with room service for a 9:30 breakfast.

Paul woke first, about 8:15. He slipped out of bed, into a pair of sweats, and picking up his Bible and a throw, went out to the deck to read, pray, and meditate in the chilly early morning air.

Paul had already decided to put the incident out of his mind, and so when he heard the sliding glass doors to the deck open, he closed the Scriptures and looked up, ready to greet his wife with a smile.

However, the look on CJ's face indicated there was something troubling her, something she needed to share with him.

Paul stretched out his hand to CJ and she came to him. He pulled her onto his lap, her feet on the glider beside him, and adjusted the throw to cover the both of them. He held her in silence, waiting for her to make the first move.

"I dreamt of Danny last night."

Paul kissed the side of forehead, just on the edge of her right eyebrow.

"Dreams are involuntary, sweetheart. It has nothing to do with you or me. God only knows what might have sparked something inside you to think of him."

"I didn't just dream about him; I dreamt that he was **with** me, that I wanted him inside me. This place, he and I came here once, our first year, about four months before the twins - . The room was right next to the first one they wanted to give us. If the bathroom hadn't been unusable - . I thought I had mentioned it to you before our wedding, but I must not have; and you were so excited about coming here."

She pulled away and looked at him, silently asking for understanding.

Paul remembered. He smiled at her, stroking the side of her jaw.

"You did tell me, and it slipped my mind until now. Again, it doesn't matter. And sweetheart, to be honest, you were talking in your sleep last night."

"And you heard? Oh, Paul, I am **so** sorry."

"It's not important, CJ," he said, pulling her back against him and once again kissing the side of her face. "But, CJ, have I ever done the same thing? Have I ever said Alicia's name aloud when I was dreaming of her?"

"I've never heard you – wait, you've had dreams of Alicia, like last night, and you never told me?" CJ pulled back to look into Paul's eyes.

Suddenly, Paul realized that he had been wrong. "Yes, sweetheart, I did. As I said, dreams are involuntary, and I knew it didn't mean anything to you and me. But you are right, I should have told you. I'm sorry, CJ. Please forgive me." He reached for her hand and brought it to his lips.

"We're fine, my love," CJ reached back in and kissed her husband's mouth.

There was a knock on the door. "Room Service!"

"_So, how was it?" Danny greeted Alicia, who just returned from a field trip. She had spent three days with other women artists, sketching Orion, Hercules, and David._

"_It was wonderful!" Alicia replied. "Anything important happen while I gone?"_

_Danny knew that sometime soon, he had to tell Alicia what he had done, but first he wanted to let her know how much she meant to him_

"_I'll fill you in afterwards," he grinned. Then he took her hand and drew her toward Cassiopeia's Chair. "I missed you." _

CJ and Paul made love once more after breakfast and left the inn about noon. When they checked out, they were given a box. (Opening it in the car, they found a DVD labelled "Massage Techniques", bottles of massage oils and soaking solutions, an order form for more of the same, and a hand-written note suggesting "judicious use of the contents".)

Once again, CJ took the wheel and once again, they stopped for lunch along the way, this time in Santa Cruz.

"What a wonderful weekend," CJ exclaimed. "I'm sorry Derrick had to miss it. I think he would have liked it very much."

"I think Derrick would have been miserable," Paul said. At CJ's questioning look, Paul explained. "Derrick presumed too much, too soon. His relationship with Natasha has not yet reached the point where they would enjoy a place so geared toward intimate, loving couples."

But when my son does succeed with his young woman, Paul thought to himself, I'm going to suggest that he spend his honeymoon here with her. And that he book Arun and Chandra's Massage Package Eleven.


	22. Second Base

**Second Base**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult –

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

**Saturday, April 22, 2017, Kensington, CA; 5:30 PM**

"CJ, I think they're here. I heard a car slow down and then stop outside."

"Good," CJ said, joining Paul in the foyer. Just as the doorbell rang, she reached up to smooth an errant hair in her husband's mustache.

Paul opened the door and they greeted the couple that CJ had not seen in more than twenty years and Paul in more than thirty.

"Alex! Luke! You guys look wonderful. Come in, come in."

The two couples exchanged hugs.

"CJ, Paul, these are our twins. Rick's the blonde and Ron's the redhead. Guys, this is Dr. and Mrs. Reeves."

Alexandra Davidson, née Lockwood, had been CJ's roommate during their undergraduate years at Berkeley. Luke Davidson was president of Berkeley's chapter of the fraternity which Paul had joined at Dartmouth and with which he had continued his association when he studied at Boalt Hall. Early in the second year of their relationship, CJ and Paul had fixed up the two of them and while CJ and Paul's relationship had undergone a long interruption, for Alex and Luke, it was love at first sight and they had never looked back.

After graduation, Luke got his DVM/PhD (specializing in Bio-medical research) from the School of Veterinary Medicine at Penn. He and Alex were married right after her (and CJ's) graduation; CJ was Alex's maid of honor. Alex joined him in Philadelphia and got an MSW.

CJ and Alex had exchanged letters while Luke did research and eventually taught at Penn. As their lives progressed, the contact became more sporadic, eventually declining to an annual Christmas card exchange, birthday cards, and maybe two phone calls a year. By the time CJ had left the White House and had found Danny, Luke had resigned from Penn and was working with the Canadian branch of Veterinarians without Borders. He, Alex, and their youngest kids went to South America, where Luke worked with farm animals. Alex and CJ lost touch.

For the last four years, the Davidsons had been living in the small Oregon town of Agness, on the Rogue River.

Then Alex saw the obituary announcement about Ben in the alumni magazine. CJ's name and position at the university were mentioned in connection with a memorial fund and Alex decided to get back in touch with the woman and man who were responsible for her and Luke finding each other.

Rick was being pursued by the tennis teams at Stanford and Cal, so the Davidson's were coming down for campus visits on the Thursday and Friday after Easter. Would CJ and Paul be able to work Alex, Luke, and the boys into their schedule?

The response was an invitation to dinner on Easter Saturday.

The conversation between the two couples mixed memories of their time at Cal and sharing what had happened in their lives since they were in their early twenties. Alex brought out pictures of their three other children. Kirk, the eldest, was a lawyer married to a police detective and had two kids of his own. Jeff was a systems analyst at Ole Miss. Hayley was in her last year at West Point. Luke talked about his varied career paths, from professor/researcher to field work to being an all-around vet in a town so small it made Albion look like a metropolis. ("You learn the difference between need' and want' real fast," Alex joked. "The things I've used to make casseroles in a pinch, well, I've become very inventive.")

Of course, Paddy, Caitlin, and Dansha were brought out for introductions and inspection.

"Deborah is up in Alaska with her husband Tom. We'll all be going to New York the end of next month when she gets her PhD from Columbia, just two weeks after CJ gets hers here. No grandkids as yet," Paul told Luke and Alex. "It's a shame you'll miss meeting Derrick. He'll be coming up for a Hollis Foundation conference that starts on Monday and will be here tomorrow afternoon. Normally, he'd come up on Friday night but he had to escort a friend of his, she's on the faculty at Cal Poly, to a banquet tonight. If you were here next we"

At one point, when Luke and Paul were having high-level discussions about the steaks on the grill, CJ and Alex were in the living room. Alex picked up one of the pictures on the credenza.

"CJ, you look so happy in this shot." It was the one of her and Danny taken on the Sunday morning after their wedding. "And he looks to be so utterly in love with you. I was so happy when you wrote me about Danny. I always felt so sorry for you, all those years. I mean, I know you were working high-powered jobs, especially with Bartlet, and I knew that a lot of the guys you dated were good ones, but I always wanted you to have what I had with Luke, felt bad that you didn't, especially since you made what I have possible. Then, the twins – I was so happy and then when you lost them – and Paddy. The Nobel was just the cherry on top of everything. You were finally having everything you deserved.

"When I read about Danny I was devastated for you. I started to write letter after letter, but I felt so guilty about my life, I couldn't bring myself to finish and mail them. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, if only because I would have known that you and Paul had found each other again long before I read about Ben.

"And now I see you and Paul together, with Dansha, and I'm filled with a sense of completeness for you. I know that losing Danny hurt, I know that Paul losing Alicia hurt, but I'm so glad that the two of you are together again. You were perfect for each other and you still are."

Then Ron came into the room.

"Dad and Dr. Reeves say that everything's ready."

_Danny reacted to the sniff from the woman beside him by putting an arm around her and a finger under her chin._

"_Remember, Alicia, she didn't know you at all, and only knew me through the press briefings. All she knows is how happy CJ and Paul were way back then and she's glad that they have that happiness again. She wasn't dismissing your years with Paul or mine with CJ, not really. Why don't we take the kids tubing down Braveras?"_

"_You're a good man, Danny Concannon."_

The two high school juniors ("Totally unplanned, six years younger than Hayley, but a total joy," Luke confided to Paul) were comfortable with the adults and yet not condescending to the kids. When asked, Ron explained that no, he really had no interest in tennis. He played soccer, but not on the level that Rick played tennis. "So next fall, I may be making some college trips, but I doubt they'll be recruiting ones, unless it's a school without a strong program. I'm more interested in mid-West and New England schools – Centre in Kentucky, Allegheny in Pennsylvania, Tufts in Massachusetts, maybe Bates in Maine."

Finally, at ten, Luke and Alex said they needed to leave. They had a seven hour drive to Gold Beach, where the boys attended high school (and stayed overnight three nights a week).

"It's a shame we didn't know about you guys while Derrick was in Seattle," Paul said. "But now that we know where you are, especially with our place in Albion, we definitely can't be strangers anymore."

"And if Rick does come here or Palo Alto - " Luke left the sentence unfinished.

**Sunday -- late afternoon**

Derrick had arrived from San Luis Obispo and was seated in the kitchen with his parents. Paddy had been given the task of distributing the cookies "from Miss Natasha" equally among his two sisters, who were playing with their Barbies in the family room, and himself.

"Papa, I'll never understand girls."

Paddy came back into the kitchen.

Paul and Derrick laughed.

"Paddy, take it from your big brother, that's the normal situation."

"And we women intend to keep it that way," CJ said under her breath.

"What do you mean, Paddy," Paul asked. "What don't you understand? Did Caitlin or Dansha say or do something?"

"Why would someone not want to get a run? Isn't that the purpose?"

"Are we talking about baseball?"

"I guess. Remember last night, you and Mama and Dr. and Mrs. Davidson were still at the table and you excused me and Rick and Ron? Well, when we were watching TV, Ron asked Rick about some girl and Rick said she was okay and fun but she wanted to stay at second base. When I asked them why she didn't want to go home, they just looked at each other, laughed, and said I wouldn't understand. And they're right; I don't."

Derrick started to laugh and quickly suppressed it.

Paul and CJ looked at each other and smiled. They both knew what the other was remembering.

**October, early 1980's – Week 1 – Sunday afternoon 12:30 PM**

"CJ," the helpful, disembodied voice came over the intercom, "Paul's here."

CJ pressed the speaker button. "Thanks, Gidget, I'll be right down."

CJ giggled as she gathered up her books and her rain slicker, and headed down to the dormitory lobby. Granted, Claudia was not the least ridiculous of names, but at least **her** parents didn't name her for a movie character. And, she was lucky enough to have not only a middle name but also a confirmation name she was able to choose for herself. Gidget Monroe's parents didn't give her anything else she could use and Gidget wasn't Catholic ("although it might be worth converting to get another name.")

"Hey, there."

CJ could see Paul's face light up as she walked toward him and she returned his smile as he reached for her books and jacket. But instead of leading her toward the front door of the dorm, Paul steered her toward the corner between the entrance and the doorway to the lounge.

CJ was a bit confused. If they wanted to get one of the good tables in the law library, the ones with padded chairs, they needed to get there soon.

Thunder clapped and she could hear the sound of the rain that had been threatening all day.

"CJ, it's going to be a nasty, dreary day and I was wondering if you'd like to come back to the apartment with me and study there. It would be warmer; Larry and I have a fireplace. I make a pretty good spaghetti sauce, even if I do say so myself (Paul and CJ usually ate supper together on Sunday in the student dining hall. It was usually the best meal of the week – roast beef or broiled chicken – and very reasonably priced.) and, uh, I guess it's maybe not something you want to do?" Paul's voice trailed off as he noticed that CJ was looking somewhat uncomfortable.

CJ blushed, looked down at her feet, looked up at Paul, and then focused on his chest. This was something she and Alex, her roommate had discussed between themselves and with other girls in the dorm.

"I'm not sure what you want, I mean, I've talked with the other girls, and I have brothers, you know, and they always told me to stand my ground, to not be pressured into anything, but to also be upfront and honest, to not lead on, be a tease, and the girls, some say that you need to be careful, not to give signals like ordering the lobster unless you intend to be, well, friendly, and when a guy asks you to his apartment, know what you're getting into, and I have done some things, I've been to second base and you've been a perfect gentleman and if you wanted to go there, I wouldn't mind, heck, I might even want to go to third, but I'm not ready for home plate and I want to be upright and honest like Mitch and Randy said, and I don't know "

"CJ"

"exactly what you want and"

"CJ, I"

"maybe I'm just making a fool of myself and – OH!"

"CJ?" Paul dropped his hand from where he had touched her just above her waistline.

"I guess I'm a bit ticklish there."

Paul reached for CJ's chin and raised her face so that he could look into her eyes.

"CJ. You are a very attractive and very desirable woman and I can't tell you how happy I've been being with you these past five or six weeks. There is nothing I would want more than to take our relationship to an intimate place IF AND WHEN YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY AND ARE READY FOR THAT MOVE. Until that time, I will wait as patiently as I can, respecting whatever limits you put on our relationship. You call the shots, CJ.

"Stipulating that, I would still like you to come to my place. As I said, we can study, I can cook, and, based on what you said two minutes ago, maybe hit a few doubles?" he smiled and lightly laughed.

Nodding her head up and down, CJ smiled back at him.

So Paul helped her with her raincoat, picked up her books, and led her to the door.

**4:45 PM**

CJ looked up from her Sociology text and stretched. For four hours, she and Paul had been sitting at this dining table, their books and papers spread out, occasionally playing footsie with each other. The rain had diminished to a shower, but the day was still dreary, and the warmth of the fire made for a much nicer atmosphere than the law library.

But she had been sitting there for four hours.

"Uh, Paul, I need to," she said somewhat uncertainly.

"Through the doorway, turn to your right. It's the first door on the left."

When Paul opened the door to the apartment earlier in the day, they entered an open area. There was a living room with a dining area. The kitchen was separated from that space by a waist high counter. A doorway obviously led to the bedrooms and bathroom. (But Paul didn't offer a tour.) It was a typical college town apartment, except for the fireplace. (CJ later found out that there was no central heat. Paul and Larry each had a space heater and a window air-conditioner in their bedrooms.)

As she walked to the bathroom, CJ could see, through an open bedroom door at the end of the hall, a bureau with a picture of a very pretty girl and a guy she recognized as Paul's roommate Larry.

As CJ left the bathroom to return to the living room, it was obvious that the door at the other end of the hall led to Paul's room. However, nothing was visible from the angle she had and she was not about to explore.

Walking back into the main room, she noticed that Paul was no longer at the table. A sound drew her eyes to the left, where she saw him sitting in an overstuffed chair, his feet up on an ottoman.

Paul extended his hand to her; his smile said "come here." At the time, CJ had no idea that it was the first of many times that he would silently bid her to come to him and that she would come to be very happy to see that smile and that gesture.

CJ walked to the man and let herself be pulled onto his lap, albeit somewhat apprehensively. Whenever guys had done this in the past, she felt awkward because she was so tall.

But with Paul, the combination of his height, the breadth of his shoulders, and the particular ratio of his upper body to that part from the waist down meant that she did not tower over him. Her head was on a level with his and she felt more feminine than she had ever felt with a guy.

Paul's left arm came around her shoulder as his right hand held the back of her head. His lips undulated against hers. As the kiss intensified, his left hand replaced his right. Paul's right arm caressed her back, his hand making circles down her spine.

Paul's mouth moved from hers to the side of her jaw. His right hand came across her hip, the base of his thumb mere inches from where her legs came together.

CJ was a bit concerned. Did Paul have a different definition of second base? She felt better with Paul than she had ever felt with any other guy, but she wasn't ready to have him reach down there, even outside her clothing.

But Paul's hand moved from her hip and rested on her butt as his mouth returned to hers and continued his undulating kisses, his tongue making slight forays into her mouth, teasing the tip of hers.

The hand that was on her butt moved up her back and crossed to her stomach. It slipped up to the neckline of her vee-necked sweater and traced the edges from shoulder to shoulder. Then Paul gently cupped the side of her left breast, his thumb tracing back and forth across the upper inner quadrant. Slowly, his fingers rotated clockwise to the lower half, his thumb following to the upper outer quadrant.

All the while, their mouths stayed entwined.

Eventually, Paul's hand moved between her breasts.

Then, Paul broke their kiss and leaned back so he could look into CJ's eyes, reading them for any silent "stop." His hand slipped under the neck of her sweater and reached up to slip the bra strap from her left shoulder. Seeing the consent in her eyes, his fingers slipped under her bra and grazed against the nipple. His mouth returned to hers, his tongue once more entangled with hers.

CJ relaxed back against Paul's left arm and reveled in the sensations being raised in her body. As she had said, this was not new territory for her. She had previously experienced the tingling feeling in her nipples, had experienced the connection between Paul's hand on her breast and the pulsing between her legs. But she had never felt so comfortable, so relaxed, and so secure, with what was happening. Paul's strength surrounding her, the scent of his aftershave filling her nostrils, and the wet warmth of his mouth undulating on hers all combined to give her a sense of being cherished, desired, and protected. The sensual security was a new thing.

Paul's hand pulled away from her breast and her body reacted, almost moving toward his palm. That hand moved down to her waist, around to her back, and underneath her sweater. Once again, his face pulled away from hers as his hand came up her back and under the back of her bra. Once again, his eyes looked for consent and once again, her eyes gave it.

It was a first for CJ. Others had unhooked her bra, but not like this. Paul was the first to expertly do it behind her back, with only one hand.

CJ began to experience some apprehension - not because of what he was doing but because she hadn't expected to be doing this when she dressed this morning. Her bra was a plain cotton one, rather old. The elastic in the straps had begun to yellow. And she was probably two days' overdue in shaving her underarms. What if Paul started to remove her sweater? Well, he did say she would set the limits; for today, at least, her things would stay on her body.

For a few minutes, Paul's hands stayed on her back, one beneath the sweater, one on top. Then the one under the sweater began its slow journey to the front of her body. Her arms clutched around Paul's neck, CJ moved slightly away from his chest in order to give him better access. Paul hand fully cupped the breast and began to massage its fullness.

And then the phone rang.

CJ pulled away, startled by the jarring jangle on the table next to them.

Paul muttered something under his breath, removed his hand from CJ's body, and answered the call. However, he held onto CJ when she made a move to get up from his knees.

It was Larry's fiancée, calling from New Hampshire.

"I'm sorry, Rosemary, Larry's out on Angel Island helping with some native, pre-Spanish sites."

Rosemary was calling to let Larry know that she got her GRE scores – 730 across the board. Her chances of being accepted into Berkeley's graduate program for Linguistics were greatly improved.

Paul congratulated her, said that of course he would relay the message, asked her about the weather in New England, and ended the conversation.

CJ and Paul exchanged a few more kisses.

"I think I should start cooking supper."

**Week 2 – Sunday afternoon – 4:30 PM**

"CJ?"

Paul was sitting on one of the dining table chairs, with CJ straddling his thighs, facing him.

"Hmm?"

Her arms looped around Paul's neck, CJ kissed him lightly.

"Your blouse buttons all the way down."

"Yeah?"

"Does that mean it **unbuttons** all the way down?"

CJ smiled as her hand moved to the top button of her top. Paul's hand stopped her.

"Some day, some time in the future, I'll want to you undress for me. But for now - " Paul kissed her forehead, then her nose, and then her mouth as his fingers worked their way down the front of the blouse.

The last button undone, Paul spread apart the two sides of the garment and smiled. CJ was wearing a lacy pink bra that hooked in the front. For a moment, Paul wondered if she were wearing matching panties. Then he decided that unless he was misreading the situation completely, today was not the time to find out.

He looked up at her face. CJ was blushing, her face almost the same shade as the frilly garment that enclosed her breasts. Chuckling, Paul slipped his hands up CJ's back and gently grasped her shoulders. He began with light kisses on her mouth, then down to her chin and the length of her neck. His lips made their way over to her left shoulder and he began to trace the outline of the bra, periodically inserting the tip of his tongue between the lacy edge and her skin.

By the time Paul reached her right shoulder, she was panting and squirming in his lap. His left hand left that shoulder and turned at a right angle to support her back as his right hand came down her back, around her stomach, and up to the clasp that was quickly opened.

Clenching his hand into a fist, Paul lightly circled her breasts, first one then the other. With the third joint of his index finger, he brushed across each nipple once, then returned to the tracing the broader fleshy orbs.

Finally, Paul cupped her left breast and kissed it. With a sigh, he lifted his head and, pulling the two sides of her blouse together, began to rebutton the garment.

"Paul?"

Sensing her confusion, Paul kissed her forehead and told her that if he was going to keep his promise to not push her, he had to know his limits.

"And right now, I'm at that limit. Listen, would you like Chinese food tonight?"

Smiling, CJ agreed to his choice, slipped off his lap and headed toward the bathroom. Fastening her bra, she looked at herself. There were faint traces of darker rose where his fingers had held her. One or two little flecks of saliva from his kisses glistened when the light hit them. As she flushed in memory of how good he had made her feel, she could feel the moisture that seeped from inside her to the lacy pink underwear that matched the bra she had bought last Tuesday. She wondered if she could work up the courage to tell him that he could go for a triple.

When CJ returned to the living room, Larry was there. He would be joining them for supper. CJ was a bit relieved that she didn't have to make the announcement about the next base just yet.

**Week Two – Tuesday 12:30 PM**

"I'm sorry I'm late," CJ said as she sat down at the table in the Student Union where Paul was eating a grilled cheese sandwich and studying.

"No problem, doll," Paul said as he closed his textbook. Looking up at her, he started to smile and then stopped.

"What are you doing in a Cornell sweatshirt?"

She glanced down at the red fleece that was about three sizes too big for her.

"It's one of Mitch's. This cold snap is really unusual for us, this time of year. Watch my stuff while I go get a sandwich and a coke."

"I'll go get them. You sit. What would you like?"

**Week Two – Thursday 5:15** **PM**

CJ walked into her room, set down her books on her desk, and, taking the shopping bag he was also carrying, lay down on her bed. Smiling to herself, she relived her "coffee break" with Paul two hours ago.

This time, CJ arrived first and snared a table next to the window. She was deep into her library reserve reading, making notes on the material she would have to return first thing tomorrow morning. She heard something hit the table a second before the shadow came over it.

"Hi," Paul smiled as he sat across from her. He handed her a bag. "Here."

"What's this?"

"If you're going to wear an Ivy League sweatshirt, it's going to be Dartmouth. If you're going to wear a man's sweatshirt, it's going to be mine."

Looking back, she realized that although his voice was soft and his tone light, there was also firmness and a confidence that his wishes would be followed. There was also just the teensiest bit of _machismo_ that she somewhat guiltily found exciting.

Her inner feminist might bristle at being told what to do and what to wear, but her inner woman could not deny that it felt good to be claimed by this man.

CJ opened the bag. The shirt was obviously not new, but was in good shape. As she unfolded it, an olio of scents – laundry soap, his cologne, and that indefinable **him** – came at her. She smiled again as she knew exactly when and how she would wear it.

**Week Three – Sunday – 1:15 PM**

Paul jumped in his skin as he opened the door to the apartment and ushered CJ inside. The teakettle was whistling. Did Larry leave it on before he left for the library? What if he and CJ hadn't come back to the place?

Just then, his roommate came appeared in the doorway from the hall.

"I was halfway out the door when it hit me," Larry said between coughs. "My throat was sore when I went to bed last night and I woke up hacking, but I thought I could manage. And I would have left, except for the upchucking. I'm sorry, man." Larry sent Paul a look that said he knew that he was wrecking Paul's afternoon.

By this time, CJ's submerged nesting instincts had risen to the surface. She reached for Larry's forehead.

"My, God, you're burning up! Go get into bed; I'll make the tea for you. Paul, help him."

Five minutes later, Paul returned from taking the tea to Larry.

"You're sweet to help him, doll," he said, coming up to CJ and taking her in his arms.

As he pulled her against him in a kiss, he realized that she felt softer than usual. His hands strayed across her back and felt nothing other than the back of the sweatshirt he had given her three days ago. Paul groaned to himself as he realized that she had come to him braless. Yes, they could still engage in touching, but with Larry sick in the next room -- .

Last week, when he and CJ were, for lack of a better word, making out, at one point she reached to slip her hands under his rugby jersey. He had pulled her hands away, explaining that if he was going to keep his promise and not push her beyond wherever she set the boundaries, he could not let her touch him nearly as intimately as he was touching her. At CJ's response that she didn't want to be a tease, that she felt she was getting the "better end of the deal", Paul assured her that right now, that was no problem. ("It's all about your being comfortable with me, with the idea of me, it's about making you secure enough to want to move this to the next level. I can wait for a while.")

And it was obvious from her squirming on his lap last week that she was ready for more intimate contact. Paul wasn't sure if that was a good thing. Yes, it would be one step closer, but Paul wasn't sure that he could stop at that one further step. To carry out the analogy, Paul was afraid he would want to round third and head for home.

Five hours later, Paul put away the leftover chili that had been their supper.

"I guess I better get back to the dorm – ouch!!"

"CJ?"

I guess I got some skin caught in a fold in my jeans. It pinched."

"Well, if you were in looser pants like me, you might be more comfortable," Paul laughed. He was wearing sweats.

"I thought you said you liked seeing my butt in these jeans," CJ replied, walking toward him.

"That I do, but my shirt covers that, so I can't enjoy the view of your gorgeous backside."

Paul loosely put his arms around CJ's waist, preparing to pull her closer for a kiss. They had spent some time after studying and before eating the chili on the easy chair, but the thought of Larry coming out at any moment kept their closer contact to a minimum.

"Well, these pants don't exactly make it easy for me to enjoy the view of yours," CJ answered, running her hand across the width of his ass.

The effect was electric and his reaction was instantaneous.

Paul turned her round and pushed her back against the wall. His mouth ground against hers, hard, his tongue pushing into her and demanding to wrestle with hers. A knee came between her legs and lifted against her. Then Paul's hands reached down to CJ's hips and he lifted her up along the wall, about five inches, until her groin was positioned against his the way God intended.

CJ wrapped her arms around Paul's neck and moaned into his mouth. As his body moved against hers, her legs lifted and wrapped around his thighs.

When she was in fourth grade and was given her first explanation of "where do babies come from," she didn't quite get the concept of arousal and penetration; based on topography, she assumed that penis lay along the length of vulva, like hot dog in bun.

And right now, that's what CJ wanted to feel, that is what the aching and pulsing between her legs hungered for, demanded. She sensed his hardness through the soft fleece but couldn't feel it pressing against her. The extreme tightness of her jeans caused the fabric to be stretched taut, about one frustrating half-inch of air between denim and her crotch.

She continued to push and squirm against him, but it was no use. The soft, almost inaudible curse that came from Paul's lips told her that he felt the same frustration.

Paul moved back slightly and eased her down the wall. He pulled her against his chest, moved his hands under the sweatshirt, keeping his left hand on her back but bringing the right to the front to caress, cup, and contain an unfettered breast. Finally, he withdrew both hands and placed them around her waist and kissed her mouth very gently.

"Another argument against tight jeans," he whispered into her hair. "Now let me get you back to the dorm before I - ". Leaving the sentence unfinished, Paul put another kiss on her mouth, one on her nose, one on her forehead and one last one on her mouth. Maybe Larry's getting sick was a good thing, he told himself. He was beginning to realize exactly how much CJ meant to him, exactly what he wanted for and from her.

**Week Four – Sunday – 12:30 PM**

"CJ, Paul's here."

"Thanks, Tammy. Please tell him I'll be about five minutes."

Actually, CJ was ready, but she needed a few minutes to calm herself, compose herself. Paul didn't know it, but today was going to be a very special day for him, not to mention for her.

Since Sunday night, CJ had thought a great deal about her increasingly physical relationship with Paul.

Her mother was long gone to God and CJ could not manage to develop a rapport with any of her stepmothers. However, she did have two older brothers and each of them had given her a sister-in-law with whom she had developed very close relationships. Over the last three years, she had received excellent advice from two different points of view.

"Are you glad that Randy was the only guy for you? Is it important?"

Gina laughed as she switched little Adam from her right side to her left. "Am I glad? Yes. Was it important? I don't know, CJ. I was lucky; the first guy with whom I felt it was right turned out to be the only guy for me. But if things had been different, if what Randy and I have turned out not to be deep and abiding love, or if there had been someone else before I met your brother, I know that things would have been okay for me when I did meet that special guy, or when I did meet Randy. Unless you're going to decide to wait until your wedding night, you have to trust your feelings. And, CJ, I think you have good judgment. When it's right, you'll know."

"I'm not sure I'm the best person to ask, CJ." Allison handed her sister-in-law a glass of white wine. "I slept with four others before I met your brother. The first guy, in high school, we thought we were in love. And I was his first; I wasn't the only virgin in the back of that car. The second was also special. Numbers three and four, not so much. That's what I regret. Not that I had sex before I met your brother but that I had sex with two guys that really didn't mean anything to me. Whatever you do, do it because it's right for you, because the guy is right for you. And, yes, I have to admit that maybe there is a teeny-tiny part of me that wishes I had waited for Mitch, but then, there's a part of me that wishes I had continued ballet lessons. You can't spend the rest of your life reimagining past alternate universes. And Mitch didn't wait for me."

Over the past three years, Mitch and Randy had also given her a male perspective.

"It didn't matter one damn bit, CJ. I may not have been the first man to take Allison to bed, but I'm the one she chose to be the last. And if you find yourself in a similar situation in the future, if the guy can't react that same way I did, then he's not worthy of you."

"How did I feel? I felt honored, I felt blessed. But I made sure that Gina knew that although I valued what she was giving me, it would not have changed my love for her by an iota if I had not been the first."

CJ knew that the time was right and the guy was right. Over the past ten weeks, she had come to realize that accepting Paul's offer of coffee that day in the bookstore line, and the invitation to a frat house dance later that night, was one of the best decisions of her life. She also knew for certain that the one she had made about today was also in that rarified league.

She had risen early this morning to prepare. She had shaved her legs carefully, all the way up. In the shower, she washed extra carefully between her legs, running the washcloth like a thick piece of dental floss through the separation between her buttocks. When she shampooed and conditioned her tresses, she did the same with her pubic hair. She even trimmed the sides, the line across the top, and cut off a few stragglers with her manicure scissors. She painted her finger and toe nails with a pale shade that matched the lacy bra and matching panties she had bought three weeks ago.

Then CJ lay back in bed and reviewed in her head the pages and illustrations she had skimmed in the book she looked over in the non-textbook section of the bookstore earlier this week. ("I've got an errand to do," she told Paul, explaining why she couldn't meet him for coffee on Thursday.) This afternoon would be her first time, but she didn't want to seem like a total idiot.

Thirty minutes ago, she put on her sexy lingerie and scented herself. In addition to her wrists and her neck, she applied the perfume behind her kneecaps, in the valley between her breasts, put a dab right above her pubic bone, and two dabs apiece on her inner upper thighs. Her sweater and matching slacks were nicer than what she usually wore for their Sunday afternoon study dates, but not super dressy. She was dressed like some of the sorority types dressed during Rush Week.

One last time, she sat on the edge of her desk, opened her legs, and pressed her fist hard into her crotch. The fabric of her slacks was loose enough that a repetition of last Sunday's events would have a much more satisfying result.

CJ picked up her books and walked out of the door. The next time I'm in this room, she told herself, I'll be a woman.

**Mid-afternoon.**

"Would you like something to drink?" Paul asked CJ as he got up from the table.

CJ waited until he had opened the refrigerator to make her move. She stood up, walked behind him, and touched Paul's shoulder. When he turned around, she put her arms around him and initiated the kiss.

Paul shut the refrigerator door with his back; he returned and deepened the kiss. Within a matter of seconds, his hand was gently massaging her breast. She parted her legs and grasped his right thigh between them. At the same time, she reached for the edge of his T-shirt and slipped her hand underneath it.

"Baby," Paul told her in a ragged voice, "if you do that, I may not want to stop."

"And I don't want you to stop. I'm ready," CJ pulled away to look into his eyes. "I'm ready to be with you."

Paul suddenly went very still. He held her close to him, but not tightly against his body. He struggled to control his emotions and desires, to bend them to his will.

A gentle kiss was placed on her mouth and then Paul pulled back to look into CJ's eyes.

"Friday."

For a second, CJ looked at him with puzzlement. Then she told him that she was thinking clearly, that she knew her own mind, that she was not going to change it in five days.

When Paul pointed out that she was most likely ovulating right now, she blushed at the realization that he was aware of her bodily cycles. When he pointed out that they needed to have some form of birth control, she realized that he was thinking more clearly than she.

"And the place is a mess. Larry could come back at any moment, may have friends with him. I want this to be special for you, for us. Friday. Plan to spend the weekend with me."

As she listened to his voice growing deeper with passion, she realized that she had made the right decision about this man.

So she smiled at him, kissed him back, and told him, "You're the boss."

Paul laughed and said that someday, she might regret that statement, kissed her again, and then said that they really had to get back to studying.

But two hours later, they were again standing in the kitchen, kissing each other. Paul's hands crept under her sweater, unfastened her bra, and caressed her. When her hands once again reached under his shirt, he sighed at the touch and let her hands move up and down his back three times.

Then CJ found herself being rotated 180 degrees and pulled back against Paul. His hands encircled each breast as he kissed her shoulder. His left arm came across her shoulders as his right hand moved down her stomach and under her slacks but over her underwear. As his fingers lightly cupped her damp warmth, giving her a promise of what was to come, a hoarse voice pushed warm breath against her neck.

"Sweetheart, I'm going to be so good to you, so good for you. And you are going to be so good for me. By this time next week, CJ, you and I will be so happy. And it will be all the sweeter for the waiting, to make it right."

**Present Day**

"Oh. Okay."

Papa had explained that Rick and Ron weren't talking about baseball; they were talking about something else that used the terms first base, second base, third base, and home plate to mean something else.

It had to do with good touches and bad touches.

Remember how Mama and he had told Paddy that a bad touch was a bad touch when someone tried to touch him in a private place while he was still a little boy or when Paddy didn't want that person to touch him in that place after he was bigger?

Remember that Mama and Papa also told him that when he was older, he might want someone that he really liked to touch him in one of those places, and then when two older kids (like almost grownups) or grownups wanted to touch each other like that, it was okay, as long as both of them wanted it and as long as they did it in private? ("Yes, Mama and I like to touch each other like that and that's why you have to knock and get permission before coming into our room.") In that case, it wasn't a bad touch, it was a "special touch."

Well, those special touches were sorted into groups. Some big people were only okay with one type of special touch and that was called first base. Another group of touches was called second base, and a third group was third base. Then, there were the most special of special touches. They were called home plate.

Apparently, Rick had a special friend, a girl, who wanted to stay with the special touches that made up second base, so Rick had to respect that. ("Remember that for when you get older. A gentleman never makes a girl do anything she doesn't want to do.")

Paddy wasn't sure he completely understood. Maybe he could ask Derrick more about it tonight in their room. But that might be going behind Papa's back and Derrick probably wouldn't want to do that. And Paddy had learned that sometimes, it was best to let sleeping dogs lie. Speaking of sleeping dogs, he remembered the other reason why he had come into the kitchen.

"Mama, Jasmine threw up on my bed!"

As CJ and Paddy left the room, Derrick picked up his beer.

"I guess in about eight or nine years, I'll be giving him pointers on getting the girl to move beyond second base. Not that I've been that much of an expert lately," Derrick said a bit ruefully.

Paul glanced over at his older son, but quickly decided that Derrick did not want to pursue his last statement, at least not just yet. Derrick would be here until next Sunday. Maybe he would want to talk before Natasha came up for the gala dinner and ball at the end of the week.

Then, thinking back again at the memories Paddy's question had evoked, he smiled once more.

"I don't know. In its own way, second base can be very nice."


	23. Rights and Privileges Thereto Pertaining

"**Rights and Privileges Thereto Pertaining"**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; Josh/Donna; mentions of others; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult –

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

Academic regalia for the University of California at Berkeley

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**Mid-May, 2017; Kensington, CA; early AM**

Paul Reeves slowly roused from sleep. Without opening his eyes, he sensed that it was not quite 4:00 AM; he would have about three hours to hold his wife against his side and slip again into blissful unconsciousness and warmth with CJ.

Except that there was no warm pressure against his right side, no sense of silken tresses over his right shoulder, no feel of warm breath against his right armpit. Was she in the bathroom? Was there a problem with one of the kids?

The bedding to his right felt cool, indicating that her absence from his side was not a recent event, and his eyes quickly opened, his sleepy state replaced by alert concern.

A glance to the right showed that CJ was curled up on her side in a fetal position, some eighteen inches from him, slightly shivering, and Paul knew what had occurred.

Paul knew that if he pulled her back into their normal sleeping position, CJ would wake. Paul knew that if CJ woke as a result of his clasping her to him, she would assume that he wanted to take her and that she would respond to his perceived advances. Paul knew that if CJ did so, his body, which was at this time not aroused but willing to respond to her sexuality, he would quickly become completely desirous of and capable of intercourse.

But they had a big day ahead of them and they needed their rest. So Paul moved his body up against CJ and pulled the blankets over the two of them. Where he lightly touched against her back, he felt an almost imperceptible clamminess on the cool skin, and the moonlight revealed dampness in the roots of her hair.

The first signs had been extremely slight, and, in all likelihood, Paul would not have picked up on them if he had not counseled many concerned and confused men over his years in ministry. There were only a few episodes – snapping at the children, treating him (in front of others) with slightly less respect than he had come to expect, some uncharacteristic indecisiveness about whether to eat out after an extensive shopping trip.

"Sweetheart," he asked her one evening, "maybe you should make an appointment with Mariska. Is it possible that you might be going into full-blown menopause?"

The ob-gyn confirmed Paul's suspicions. After discussion with Dr. Davlikova and weighing the risks and benefits, CJ decided to not use hormone replacement therapy. Paul tried mightily, and largely succeeded, in keeping his fears at bay. He was not sure that he could handle losing another wife. However, Paul knew that should that awful event occur, this time he could not escape to the eastern Pacific. This time (and please, dear God, no!), he would have three young lives to shepherd to adulthood, promises made to CJ as well as Danny to keep.

Awareness of what was happening to her helped CJ to handle her emotional issues. However, there was nothing she could do about the hot flashes. She had tried some of the natural, homeopathic remedies, but they didn't help.

The first time CJ had an episode while in his arms, Paul was amazed at the drastic increase in temperature in her body. He suggested that she keep the bathtub filled with room temperature water, but she was afraid that one of the children (or Jasmine) would fall in and drown. Throwing off the covers, moving to cooler areas of their bed (or, in extreme situations, tepid showers) would have to suffice.

Paul adjusted the covers to make sure that CJ's face was not covered and then gently draped his arm over her hip. Most of the world saw his wife as a substantial presence – the product of her height and the fact that she possessed the comely curves of femininity and not the boyish lines of the high fashion model. Indeed, when he and she were first dating, she seemed surprised at being treated with the courtesy and care that was second nature for him to give. Even on that first evening of intimacy, when he looped an arm under her knees to carry her to his bed, he assumed that the ease with which he performed that romantic act was due to his athleticism. It was only after he had completely undressed her, had slipped off the pink satin and lace bra and panties that he knew, without asking, she had bought especially for him, that he realized how slight, how frail she was.

That night, it had given Paul additional concern. He knew it would be CJ's first time and had been prepared to exercise restraint. But the sight of her nude body, the hip bones obvious in her pelvis, the rippling of ribs in her upper carriage, made him also aware that in addition to making his entrance into her body with care and gentleness, he had to ensure that his presence **on** her body would occur the same way. Again, his athleticism would be a great asset. He would be able to hold his trunk above hers while moving within her. The time for extreme self-discipline would come after climax, when the natural action would be collapse against the softness of her breast. He would have to remain in control, to slowly lower his body, to take his weight to her side.

Paul rarely thought about the other men in CJ's life and had never asked her about them. He knew about Danny, of course, and about John Hoynes (although neither CJ nor Hoynes had mentioned the other by name). Carol had inadvertently told him about Ben Dryer. Danny had let it slip that there had been nothing physical between CJ and Toby; the tragic story of Simon Donovan was self-explanatory. But for the most part, it was as if the years between the early 1980's and their marriage four years ago didn't exist. There were even times, and those times were becoming more frequent, when Alicia and Danny disappeared into oblivion. Paul could only hope that the two of them understood.

_Right now, Paul was the last thing on Alicia's mind. Danny was taking part in a kayak race down the Horsehead Nebula and she was cheering him to the finish line. Danny was wearing swim trunks, but the lower half of his body was enclosed in the covered deck. The water droplets flying off the double-bladed paddle glistened in the brilliant starlight; the droplets that landed on Danny's brilliant red hair, beard, and shoulders flashed as if they were diamonds. The feelings that were arising in Alicia were definitely not those of platonic friendship._

_What had started as Danny's response to an off-hand comment from Paul and her response to three motherless children, what had started as a convenience to fill the time until CJ and Paul came to heaven, had grown into something entirely different. Alicia had come to enjoy Danny's persona, so different (and yet not really that different) than Paul's. Both men were somewhat chauvinistic in that both men wanted to handle the "heavy things" (to the extent that anything in heaven was heavy), both were unfailingly courteous. However, where Paul was obvious and upfront about his inclination to be in charge, to manage, Danny's style was much more low-key. If she had any initial misgivings about a stance Danny took, he would simply smile and say "okay" with a self-deprecating smile. And more often than not, Alicia would come to realize that Danny was right._

_Danny was also more patient than Paul. While Alicia was still alive, she felt only immense gratitude that Paul had accepted her natural reluctance to express sexual attraction in front of others. However, in the five years that she and Danny had been together, the red-haired reporter had slowly chipped away at her reserve without making her feel as if her reticence was anything else than normal._

_A few days ago, she was sitting at the spa on Ganymede, explaining how, the day before, Danny had playfully taken a swat at her backside when she had laughed at a one-liner that Leo McGarry had thrown up to the reporter. _

"_Paul __**never**__ tried anything like that; for that matter, no one had done that since I was seven," Alicia told Brianna, Helen Santos, and Abbey. "But there was this sense of motion moving through me from back to front, and I kind of wanted him to do it again. I also wanted to pull him over to our place and - ". Alicia stopped as the other women began to giggle._

"_I'm thinking of my honeymoon with Jem," Brianna sighed._

"_There was this debate during the reelection campaign," Abbey said, trying very hard not to giggle._

_Helen just sat there with a look that resembled that of the Mona Lisa._

_There was a slight sound and Alicia turned around. She was startled to see the smile of the former First Lady and La Giaconda on the faces of the two older women sitting at the martini bar._

"_Mother? Meemaw?"_

Paul hoped that Danny, Ben, and the unnamed others had been careful with his beloved. He dropped a light kiss on her hair and carefully shifted on the bed. He was having a somewhat difficult time falling back to sleep.

A slight breeze came through the open window and stirred the garments hanging from the hook. Paul's eyes followed the motion.

The medium navy blue gown sported three bands of dark blue velvet trimmed in gold braid on each sleeve. The panels down the front were of the same dark blue and gold. The matching hood was lined in Berkeley's blue and gold, with dark blue velvet trim. On the dresser sat the eight-sided tam with its gold tassel. Later today, Claudia Cregg Concannon Reeves would be proclaimed Doctor of Philosophy in Political Science and Jed Bartlet would help her thesis advisor with the placement of the hood.

Last night, Paul held a cocktail party for the many guests who had come to California to celebrate with CJ at the Durant, where most of them were staying. Later today, after the early afternoon ceremony, everyone would be bussed up to Napa, where Randy, Gina, Mitch, and Allison Cregg would host the celebration party.

Paul shuffled in the bed; the two of them rarely slept as "spoons" and he was finding it difficult to get back to sleep.

Paul and Alicia had slept that way from the beginning. She told him that she felt safe, knowing that he had her back. And from something that CJ had said in those desperate days about four weeks after Danny had passed let him know that it was also the sleeping position of preference for the Concannons.

But it wasn't loyalty to first spouses that kept Paul and CJ from using it. Paul had always been a back sleeper and when CJ began to spend nights in his bed, it was easy to pull her into his protective embrace at his side. He had learned to sleep on his side when Alicia asked it of him, but after her death, Paul reverted to the comfort of his back, to the comfort of his early years. And when CJ once again shared his bed, they easily slipped into the custom of their past and no matter what sexual variation might precede it, they would end up slumbering in sameness.

CJ sighed in her sleep and moved back against Paul, snuggling her butt up against his groin. He sighed in return, enjoying the faint stirrings of pleasure felt in his genitals as a result of the warm contact. Had he wanted, he could have pursued the feeling into arousal and desire, but Paul decided that CJ and he had a big day ahead of them and she needed her rest. It was a far cry from over thirty (well, closer to forty, he ruefully told himself) years ago, when they had settled into a life of weekend intimacy.

In spite of the sex, Paul and CJ maintained a "dating" relationship. Most of the time, he took her to dinner and a movie on Fridays (even though "dinner" might consist of a shared pizza or the $2.00 specials at one of the ubiquitous Chinese, Indian, or Italian restaurants in the area and the movie was the one shown at the Student Union). But there were times, at CJ's suggestion, that they skipped the movie. He remembered the first weekend, right before Christmas, when she asked if "we could just stay in" and then blushed a rosy crimson that almost matched her spaghetti sauce. His twenty-two year old body was capable of almost instantaneous recovery, especially after five days of celibacy, and those glorious Fridays nights and Saturday mornings – six or seven times were the norm and once, even ten. The frequency decreased over the rest of the weekend, but not by much. He slept well, although lonely, on Sunday nights, the various scents of her and him together still imbued in the sheets. His job and his studies tired him into slumber on Monday and Tuesday. He was equally tired on Wednesday, but by that time, his desire for her made sleep harder to attain. He forced himself to concentrate on law during his Thursday night study group and convinced himself that there was still a faint echo of her perfume on the pillow. Friday morning, he was up early, changing his bed linen and cleaning the apartment in anticipation of the night to come.

Yes, there were times when he missed the potency of his youth. But there was also satisfaction in the control he now possessed. Of course, part of the current control was due to their earlier activity.

After Paul, CJ, and Derrick returned from the party at the Durant, CJ had gone in to check on the kids while Derrick and Paul carried in the leftovers and Paul locked up the house.

Paul opened the bedroom door and was immediately grabbed by his naked wife, pushed against said door, closing it with his body, his belt unbuckled and his slacks unzipped.

"Sweetheart, I haven't washed," he managed to get out as CJ's mouth closed on him and her silken hair moved against his thighs.

Paul couldn't really make out her mumbled response but he understood the intent. So he closed his eyes, clutched her shoulders, and reveled in the warmth of her tongue and lips until he sensed that he was approaching the critical point. Summoning up strength from somewhere, Paul pushed her shoulders back.

CJ stood up and in an instant, dragged him to the bed, stripped him, and mounted him.

"Thumb," she gasped and Paul moved his right hand from her buttock to the front of her, putting the requested digit where she needed it to be.

Two minutes later, Paul was on his back, kissing the forehead of the woman curled up against him. And that was his last memory until he had awakened to find her off to his side.

Paul knew that if he willed himself to arousal, a mere touch on CJ's shoulder would wake her. She would turn to him, her mouth reaching for his and her hand toward his hardness. She would laughingly answer his protestations about the need to rest for the day ahead with the words he used to counsel engaged couples and couples with rocky marriages – that he was her husband and entitled to "all the rights and privileges" that entailed. She never seemed to mention the corollary – that spouses had to balance demands for those rights and privileges with care and consideration.

So Paul gently moved his body just a little to slightly reduce the contact between the two of them. He adjusted the covers one more time, and found a more comfortable place for his head against her shoulder blade. Sleep finally came for him.

**Early afternoon; Berkeley, CA**

"Claudia Cregg Concannon Reeves!"

The applause was loud and raucous. The clapping was led by Derrick and Paddy the whistling by the governor of California and by Josh Lyman.

"Clap for Mommy!" Caitlin, sitting on the shoulders of her uncle Randy, urged her little sister, who was similarly ensconced on the shoulders of her uncle Mitch.

As Paul snapped shots of Josiah Bartlet placing the hood over CJ's neck and shoulders, he thought about the ceremony almost five years ago, when the former president draped a similar hood on Danny Concannon. There was also clapping and shouting, but there were also tears.

"Are you as proud of her as I am?" Paul silently asked the reporter.

"_Of course I am! I always knew she could do it. Thanks, Abbey."_

_Danny took the two plates, each with a big slice of celebratory cake, from the former First Lady. Then he walked over to CJ's mom, who was scooping up ice cream._

"_On the cake or beside it?"_

"_Beside."_

_Then Danny walked over to the little cloud tuft where Alicia was seated, handed her one of the plates, and sat down beside her. He noticed that she seemed a little pensive._

"_Penny for your thoughts."_

"_You'd be paying too much," Alicia smiled up at him. She didn't want to tell him that she was feeling a little undereducated. Paul had his Masters in Theology from Yale and then achieved his Doctorate in Theology from Duke. Danny finished his PhD work in English and Journalism right before his diagnosis. Now CJ had her PhD. When Paul and CJ finally joined them, she would be the odd one out._

_Danny knew that Alicia, while not exactly lying, was not being completely truthful with him. However, now was not the time to push for complete honesty. Perhaps later, when they were alone. After a Dance in their special place._

_Truth be told, Danny enjoyed the relationship that had developed between Paul's first wife and himself. He loved CJ beyond all understanding and would not want to have lost one second of his life with her, but at times he found himself wondering about a life on earth married to Alicia. For one thing, he would never have been Mr. Alicia Dawson. He would not have spent time worrying about her traveling from continent to continent, from time zone to time zone. Would he have shown the restraint Paul had shown, respected her promise to Esther? He didn't know, but he hoped so. One thing he did know, he would not have given up on loosening her inhibitions as easily (in his opinion) as Paul had. Danny had come to love Alicia and he hoped that when those days came when CJ and Paul arrived in heaven, that They would "work out" a way for him to be with both women, just as Paul would be with both CJ and Alicia._

"I clapped for you, Mama!" Caitlin ran up to CJ and hugged her around the knees. "I clapped loud!"

"Thank you, sweetie! Here, you hold this," CJ said, handing Caitlin the substitute diploma she had been handed as part of the ceremony so she could pick up the little redhead.

"Me clap," Dansha said as Paul lifted her in his arms and CJ reached over to receive her youngest daughter's kiss.

"Whas dat?" Dansha grabbed at the rolled up paper in Caitlin's hand.

"That's Mama's diploma," Paul said, taking the scroll before the two little girls could start fighting over it. He unrolled it to show his daughters. "It's like the one on my study wall."

"Not pretty. Like Papa's."

"That's because they have to get Mama's printed and framed, Dansha," Paddy told his baby sister. "It's a substitute. May I see, Papa?"

Paul handed the paper to Paddy, who unrolled it and began to read the typed out words. Although it was just a piece of legal-sized letter-weight bond, it was done in a fancy italic font and spaced as if it were the genuine article.

"The reg - ents" _("it's pronounced 'ree-jents', Paddy", Danny corrected)_ "of the University of California on the nom-i-na-tion" Paddy sounded out the word "of the faculty of the College of Letters and Science have conferred upon Claudia Cregg Concannon Reeves the degree of Doctor of Philosophy in Political Science with all the rights and privileges thereto pertaining."

Paddy stopped and looked up.

"What's 'thereto pertaining', Derrick?" he asked. Derrick knew a lot of fancy words because he was a lawyer.

"It's a fancy way of saying that Mama's entitled to some special things because of the degree."

"What kind of privileges, Mama? Like when I get to stay up later when Derrick's coming home if I do all my chores? Can you lose your privileges if you do something bad?"

"It's not that sort of privileges, Paddy," Paul told the boy. "Mama gets to wear a robe with three velvet bands on the sleeves and she gets to wear that funny hat and that hood."

"That cape?"

"Well, it looks like a cape, but it's called a hood," Paul laughed.

"Excuse me, Dr. Reeves?"

"Yes?"

Paul turned around to face the voice.

"I'm sorry, sir, I meant -," the young woman blushed. "There's a group photo."

"My mistake," Paul smiled, putting her at ease.

"That's another privilege, Paddy," Paul laughed easily, "Mama is entitled to be called Doctor Reeves, just like me."

"So you two are Doctor and Doctor Reeves now?" Paddy's class was being introduced to the art of writing letters.

"Or the Doctors Reeves," Rich Cregg told the child. Gina and Randy's middle son taught language skills in Walnut Creek. Then he turned to Paul. "The bus is here. Uncle Mitch asked me to get everyone together and that you had a master list."

"Okay. If you'll point me in the right direction, I'll go wait there. Derrick, would you please help him round up the crew and I'll check 'em off."

**Late afternoon; Napa, CA**

"Champagne, Dr. Reeves?"

"Thank you, Dr. Reeves," CJ smiled as she took the flute from her husband.

"The kids?"

"I just left Caitlin and Dansha with Sophia. She's showing them how to fill cannolis. Probably getting more filling on themselves than in the shells," CJ laughed. "Derrick and Natasha are taking a tour of the vineyards with Rick and Christina. And Paddy went with Randy and some of the older boys to fetch some more champagne from the cellars. Where have you been?"

Paul let out a small sigh. "Talking with Frank Hollis."

One sunny afternoon early last October, Paul was in his office on campus when the phone rang. Upon answering it with his name, the pleasant female voice asked him to "hold for just a second for Franklin Hollis." When Frank got on the phone, he briefly exchanged pleasantries and then said that he was calling because he really needed to have CJ back at the Foundation, this time as a member of the board. Almost all the meetings would be in San Luis Obispo involving at most an overnight stay and that the Foundation planes would be available to take CJ between Oakland and Cal Poly. Frank went on and on about how important the next phases of "Road to a Better World" were going to be and although Mrs. Vinnick, Glen Walken, and Matt Santos were first-rate minds, none of them could hold a candle to CJ's overreaching skills. Frank also felt that with CJ leading the charge in training "new minds" in Philanthropic Management, her interaction with the Foundation was vital to both the practical and the academic arenas.

"Hold on, Frank," Paul laughed, "I'm afraid your assistant called the wrong number; this is my phone at school, not our home number."

"Paul, I'm calling **you** to clear it with you before I ask her."

When Paul told the man that the decision was CJ's to make, not his, Frank went on to explain that once CJ and Danny became engaged, he had always discussed issues related to her travel for the Foundation with Danny and sought his consent. Also, Frank wanted to make sure that Paul didn't have any issues with CJ returning to work for the Foundation.

"Frank, it's a given that CJ would never make a decision without discussing it with me first, but she should be the one bringing it to me. Call her; she's at home this afternoon with the kids. If you run into my son, give him my best, and, of course, to Sarita."

That evening, CJ told Paul that Frank had called her, asking her to join the Hollis Foundation board. Paul in turn told her about Frank's call to him and how surprised he was that A) Frank would do such a thing; B) that Danny felt the need to be involved at that level and C) that CJ apparently went along with it.

"Not at the beginning," CJ told Paul. "It was our first big fight, except that I was the only one fighting. Danny just held his ground. In the end, when I finally stopped arguing, he just took my face in his hands and said that it was his right and his privilege to worry about me. We were sitting in Sam's old condo, overlooking the marina, kind of like you and I are right now."

Paul and CJ were in the living room facing the San Francisco skyline.

"Still, it must have been hard for you to accept it, sweetheart."

"Well, at first I just figured that it was part of the compromising. After a while, when there were some negative reactions to what we were doing and how we were doing it, it was easier to accept. And I have to admit, although I never told Danny in so many words, that there was something nice about having someone care so much about me. I felt special, I felt cherished. I hadn't had anyone really feel that way about me for a long time.

"So, husband mine, what do you think? Can we make this work?"

And the two of them discussed the ramifications ("The kids and I would miss you, sweetheart but we'll manage thirty-six hours without you."), the logistics (They both agreed that using the foundation's planes was an excellent idea. Paul opined that she could stay overnight with Derrick. CJ wondered if having a stepmother in the other bedroom might cramp Derrick's love life; Paul replied that Derrick could contain himself for one night every other month.), and the benefits ("Every so often, we can farm out the kids and I could go down with you, maybe stay an extra night."). Then CJ called Frank Hollis and told him that she would start in June.

But apparently, Frank still felt the need to clear things with her husband, so CJ draped her arms loosely around her husband's neck and kissed him lightly.

"So what plans does the foundation have for me?"

"A meeting in Singapore the first full week of August. I mentioned that we would be in Scotland for Ash and Brian's wedding right before that but - ."

"With the academic year starting at the end of August?" CJ interrupted. "And Caitlin starting preschool? It's way too much for me to take on. I'm not Wonder Woman."

Paul kissed the top of her head. He was glad that CJ was not anxious to take the trip. He had the same concerns and would have voiced them if necessary, but was glad that she had instead.

"If you're sure. Frank was also going to ask Sam if Morgan could go."

"That could be a problem. Singapore was where Gabe Tillman and the others were assassinated."

"Ouch."

"CJ, are you beating up on your husband?"

Paul and CJ turned around at the sound of Josh's voice.

"Joshua!" Donna playfully slapped at Josh's arm as the two of them approached the Reeves'. Then she turned to CJ.

"Let me look at your earrings. I didn't get a chance to see them up close on campus."

When CJ was dressing for the ceremony earlier in the day, Paul handed her a small jewelry box. Inside was a pair of earrings modeled on the doctoral tam she would be wearing at the ceremony. The eight-sided studs were covered in blue sapphire pave stones, with a little gold thread tassel hanging from the center.

"Paul, these are gorgeous! It's almost enough to make me want to go back for my doctorate," Donna exclaimed.

"Don't you think that you've got more than enough on your plate, what with the kids, plus, when you win in November (Donna was running for the Virginia House of Delegates) - "

"Josh! Don't jinx her!" CJ exclaimed.

In the meantime, Paul mouthed a silent "thank you" to Josh. As he had when Dansha was born, the minister had consulted with Josh about an appropriate gift of jewelry and then had taken Josh's idea to Hank, who found the artisan to fashion the pieces.

Josh reflected on the irony that what had been a contest between Danny and him had turned into a mentor/mentoree relationship with Danny's successor in CJ's life. Josh sensed that CJ's jewelry was the one area that Paul felt less than confident in comparison to Danny (to the extent that he would consider himself to be in competition with Danny) and was flattered that Paul came to him for help. At first, Josh wondered if he was being disloyal to Danny, but then decided that Danny would want CJ to be happy and wouldn't mind.

"_I don't, but I have to admit that it feels good to know that he needs help."_

"_Alicia, that pendant that Danny gave you is striking! What's the occasion?"_

_Danny looked up at the sound of Helen's voice. Brianna, Helen, and Alicia were gathered a few feet away. Around Alicia's neck was a bit of eighteen carat gold fashioned as an artist's palette. The pigments were represented by perfectly faceted little gems – ruby, emerald, tanzanite, imperial topaz, tourmaline, fire opal, and sapphire._

"_Mother made some remark about Paul just giving me lingerie when I finally finished my BA, so Danny decided I should have something more symbolic of it."_

_Off to one side, Esther Dawson crossed her arms and glanced at the man beside her, then returned her eyes to the group with a glare in them._

"_I still think there's something indecent about the two of them," she harrumphed._

"_Well, if They don't mind, I don't think you should," her husband answered._

"_But the way they carry on," Esther continued._

"_Esther, stop it," Robert Dawson ordered._

"_But - "._

"_But nothing," he replied. "I've a good mind to take you across my - " Then he smiled at her and she remembered why she fell in love with him in the first place. He began to move around her in a circle. Apparently he had changed his mind about how to handle his wife's prudery._

"It's a shame you guys can't stay a little while longer," CJ told Donna.

"If my folks weren't taking off for Italy the day after tomorrow, we could (Mr. and Mrs. Moss were in Virginia staying with the kids), but then you guys have to get ready for New York at the end of the month. And I wish you had time to stop in before or after Ireland."

"But we're pretty much booked for the next two months, and then when we get back, we have to get ready for the new year," CJ replied. "Speaking of which, you'll have to get the triplets ready for first grade. The last thing you need is company."

"Well, Josh will be a big help with that."

"Yeah, it's not like I have anything exciting to do, like planning a campaign," Josh added somewhat morosely.

"Josh, are you upset that Sam doesn't want to run for president next year?" CJ asked. "I know you think he's ready, but if Sam wants to defer to Berryhill, it's his choice. Well, his and Morgan's. They've been in Sacramento for over nine years now; maybe they want a little time to themselves. Besides, there's the Senate seat opening up for '20. It's Sam's for the asking."

"Logically, I know you're right, CJ, but he would be so perfect!"

"Hey, Dr. CJ!" Diana and Frank joined the group." Gina asked us to pass this around."

Diana was carrying a big antipasto tray; Frank's tray held plates, forks, and napkins. Pretty soon there was a crowd of people around the Muñoz' and the conversation turned to other subjects.

Hank, Steve, Pammy, and little Danny would be traveling to DC in late June and plans were made for special tours of the Capitol and some of the monuments. Rick said we would talk with Matt Skinner about getting the VIP White House tour for the guys. In spite of turning down the VPOTUS slot with Haffley, Matt was a serious presence in the Republican Party. He was also one of the most bipartisan members of Congress and was always willing to help pull strings for constituents of the Dems.

Charley asked a question about the annual house party at Cape May and expressed disappointment at finding out that between the trip to New York at the end of the month and the trip across the ocean for the wedding, the Reeves' would not be part of the reunion.

"Dad is really looking forward to it," Zoey said.

Liz produced some pictures she had received from Mallory. Everyone remarked about how much her second son resembled his grandfather.

The ringing triangle summoned them to the meal that Gina and the women of her family had prepared for the group and they walked toward the tables set up between the house and the vineyards.

**Next day, 1:25 AM, Kensington, CA**

"Love you. Love you. Love you."

CJ sighed as Paul kissed her shoulders and then moved to the valley between her breasts.

Then his murmurings stopped as his mouth trailed down her abdomen to her waist, her stomach, her navel, and beyond.

"Paul, what are you-?"

"Sweetheart," he laughed throatily, "it should be very obvious." Then he continued on to his destination.

CJ closed her eyes, relaxed her legs, and gave over to her husband's intimate mouthing. Of course, it was obvious what he intended. The thing was, he had already done it about ninety minutes ago, after having done the same thing with his fingers, and before doing the same thing with another body part inside her

The six of them had arrived home approximately two hours ago and Derrick volunteered to lock up, so CJ and Paul put the kids to bed and retired to their room.

"I hope that Natasha doesn't mind Derrick being so circumspect, not spending any time alone with her," CJ said as she hung up the regalia she had worn earlier in the day.

"I'm sure she understands, sweetheart," Paul said as he walked into the bath.

Paul was pretty sure that Derrick's presence in Paddy's room the previous night and this night was not just a case of the lawyer not wanting to raise questions with Paddy and the girls about where he was and why. Over the years, Paul had learned to read his fellow males, and Derrick definitely did not exhibit the aura of a man whose sexual needs were being met. However, in spite of that "lean and hungry" vibration, Derrick had been unfailingly considerate of his parents, his little siblings, his parents' guests, and, most of all, Natasha, making sure that she was introduced and included without seeming to hover over her. But Paul knew with certainty that Derrick and Natasha had not yet shared a bed, and that Derrick wanted to changed that situation. Paul would never pry into his son's life, but hoped that Derrick knew that all he had to do was ask, and he would have the benefit of his father's experience and training.

As Paul walked back into the bedroom, he heard the door to Paddy's room open and close. Then Paul's eyes lighted on the sight of his wife reaching behind her back for the hooks to her brassiere, and he knew that the other two adults in the house would have a more pleasant end to the day. He hurried over to her, replacing her hands with one of his. Very quickly, they were involved in what CJ assumed was the current evening's version of sex followed by sleep. However, Paul seemed to have other ideas.

And so for the second time, CJ quaked on his lips. She luxuriated in the little aftershocks. But then she realized that Paul had begun a third time. Her hand on his head asked the question she did not voice.

Paul lifted and smiled at her.

"I don't have the recovery time I had when I was twenty-three, but I still have the same desire to spend the night making you crazy with wanting me."

She replied that she had no complaints, but didn't want to "put him to any trouble."

"How can it be trouble? Today you became Dr. Reeves, sweetheart, but four years ago, you became Mrs. Reeves, and you are entitled to all the rights and privileges thereto pertaining."


	24. Whirlwind in New York

**Whirlwind in New York**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult –

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

**Day two – Late May, 2017; New York, NY; 11:30 PM EDT**

"The children were no trouble at all, Mrs. Reeves. Caitlin did seem to have a bit of a bad dream, but she quieted again without waking."

"Thank you, Mrs. Robinson," CJ said, stepping out of the way as Paul carried a sleeping Paddy from the adjoining hotel room and laid him on one of the beds in the room that the boy was sharing with Derrick.

Paul thanked the middle-aged babysitter and handed her several bills.

"Sweetheart, I'm going to go with Mrs. Robinson down to the lobby, make sure she gets to her cab."

"Oh, please don't bother, it's late," the woman protested.

"It's no bother. There are a bunch of sailors on leave; they're a bit ah, exuberant," the minister said, charming her with his smile.

At that point, Derrick came into the room. He had gone with Joe, whose room was on another floor, to make sure that his grandfather would be okay.

"I'll be back in a few minutes, sweetheart," Paul told CJ as he and Mrs. Robinson left the room.

CJ checked on Paddy, kissing his forehead and adjusting the covers. She and Derrick exchanged hugs ("Night, Mama") and she walked into the other room, closing the door between them. She turned to the bed that her daughters shared and then started as her cell rang. It was the Palmers' land line.

"CJ, there's been some bad news. Liz Bartlet has cervical cancer." Carol paused as CJ gasped. "She had an abnormal Pap smear last month and when they redid it, it came back with the same results, so they did a biopsy. It's very early stage, and very contained, but they'll be doing a hysterectomy tomorrow in Boston. Annie, Gus, and the others are scared but trying to be hopeful."

As Carol was talking, there was a knock on the door and CJ, looking through the peephole, saw her husband. She undid the safety latches and opened the door to let him into the room.

"Carol," she mouthed, as Paul silently asked about the call. Then he lightly kissed her forehead and went into the bath.

Five minutes later, after getting details from Carol about the hospital, CJ rang off and joined Paul in the bath.

Paul rinsed with mouthwash and smiled as he caught sight of her. His face paled slightly as she told him the news, remembering not only Alicia's illness but also Danny's and the two of them held each other as Paul whispered a prayer for Liz. CJ took in the smell of Paul's body wash. No matter how often she told him that he found the scent of his body at the end of the day very alluring, Paul often felt he needed to sponge off before bed.

A whimper came from the main room.

"I'll go," Paul smiled at his wife.

CJ brushed her teeth, washed the makeup from her face, and slipped out of her clothes. Folding them, she picked up her nightgown and slipped into it.

It was a beautiful shade of teal. There were white and coral roses embroidered around the neckline. It was pretty, it was feminine. It was also knee-length, made of cotton knit, with elbow length sleeves. It was not the type of sleepwear a woman would pack for several nights in a hotel room with her husband, unless she and her husband were sharing said room with their two pre-school daughters and unless said room adjoined one occupied by their two sons, one of whom was a healthy young man in his mid-twenties.

Shutting off the light and walking into the bedroom, she blessed the custom of their times, the one that had no problem with a man's upper body, the one that allowed her husband to go about bare-chested. The silk of the pajama pants he packed for this trip almost duplicated his skin tone and as she looked at him lying on the bed, she relished the sight of burnished brown against the sheets that glowed ivory in the dim lamplight.

Stopping by the first bed, CJ tousled two little mops of hair, one black and one red, each little girl's locks a reflection of the man who fathered her. Although she was the younger, Dansha was holding Caitlin in her arms, as if to protect her older sister from whatever had disturbed her sleep twice this evening.

CJ sighed. It had been a long two days.

Yesterday morning, the six of them had left San Francisco at 9:00 AM, expecting to reach New York a little before 6:00 PM. (They had chosen to cross the bay in order to get a non-stop flight with decent departure and arrival times.) However, a fellow passenger suffered a heart attack and the plane made an emergency stop in Kansas City, where a storm kept them on the ground, on the plane, for an additional ninety minutes. Luckily, the additional snacks and beverages were loaded before the storm hit. Unluckily, it meant that the plane didn't hit the tarmac at JFK until 8:45 PM and by the time they collected their luggage and got to their hotel, it was 10:15 PM. While on the ground in Missouri, Paul was able to reach Deborah and Tom, who had been in New York for two days because of events sponsored by the School of Journalism, and when he called again from baggage claim, the couple ordered soup, sandwiches, and beverages – adult and soft – from room service, which was waiting in their rooms. Because of the time difference, CJ had kept the kids away from caffeine and from sugar, so even though their little body clocks said 8:30, the three of them were falling asleep over their plates.

When Derrick told CJ that he would take care of getting Paddy into bed, she told the young lawyer to not bother with pajamas, but to just strip him down to his underwear. ("You're barely keeping your eyes open yourself.")

She and Paul did the same thing with the girls, pulling off their shoes, socks, and jeans, but leaving them in their shirts, and tucked them into one of the queen beds in their room. Changing into her gown, CJ sat on the edge of the bed to remove her jewelry.

The next thing she knew, the bedside clock read 6:45 am. As CJ lifted her head, Paul turned to face her and pushed her to her back, his smile indicating that what they had missed last night was on the morning's agenda.

Just as Paul's hand began to push her sleep shirt toward her waist, the door between their room and their sons' banged open.

"Mama! Papa! We can see the park from our windows!"

Paul swore softly under his breath. Before he could remind Paddy that the "knock before entering" rule applied here as well, Caitlin and Dansha woke up and in a flash, and all three youngsters were piling onto the bed with Paul and CJ. Soon, a sleepy Derrick was standing in the doorway. CJ and Paul looked at each other and sighed.

They got Joe from his room (Deborah and Tom were again doing something at Columbia) and, after breakfast in a diner recommended by the hotel desk personnel ("They serve it all day and with the kids, it will be much cheaper than our restaurant.") they set out for some site-seeing.

The Statue of Liberty was first on their list. The age range of the children complicated things a bit. At almost eight, Paddy was full of enthusiasm and energy. At four "and a half" years and at twenty-eight months, Caitlin and Dansha started out with both traits but soon became tired and bored. By the time they caught the boat back to Manhattan, Paul and Derrick were each carrying a cranky and sleepy little girl. CJ had a blanket in her knapsack, so they went to Central Park. CJ and Joe sat while the girls napped in the sun. Paul, Derrick, and Paddy rented a paddle boat. After getting food from a hotdog cart, they went to St. Patrick's cathedral and then returned to the hotel to relax in the pool area.

That evening, Paul, CJ, Joe, and Derrick had plans with Tom and Deborah. Taking advantage of the hotel's list of approved baby-sitters, the adults had dinner in Little Italy at a restaurant that was a favorite of the young couple, and followed the meal with a trip to a jazz club.

CJ kissed each little girl, then turned around.

Paul smiled at her, held out a hand.

"Come to me, sweetheart."

CJ shut off the lamp on the stand between the beds and slipped next to her husband and he drew the bedcovers over the two of them.

Ten minutes later, CJ tried to caress Paul's chest. He chuckled against her neck as he captured her hand and lifted it above her head, putting it next to her other hand, and holding the both of them in place with one hand, returned his other hand to the front of her nightwear and continued to undo the nine snaps on the garment.

Twenty minutes later, CJ sighed as she realized that the last time someone had paid this much time with her breasts, it was probably that October in the early 1980's when such caresses were the limit that she had allowed in the past and the limit that Paul was methodically but patiently trying to pass.

His lips tugged gently on her nipple and she felt the reaction travel down her stomach to the place that ached to be filled.

"Please," she whispered.

Paul chuckled again and sat up, lightly kissing her mouth before kissing her abdomen through the nightshirt. CJ squirmed in anticipation as he kissed her navel and, his hand now at the hem of her gown, prepared to lower his head to where she was needing it to be.

Then Caitlin whimpered in her sleep.

Paul and CJ froze.

Caitlin cried again, but before either of her parents could go to the little girl, they heard Dansha's gentle whisper.

"No cry, Ca-lin. Dansha hug. Dansha help."

CJ and Paul heard the sound of a soft kiss and soon the only noise was that of two gentle snores.

Paul reached up and deeply kissed his wife; this time he did not stop her as she reached for him and he quickly returned to full rigidity.

"The other way, sweetheart," he whispered, and CJ turned away from him, lying on her right side. She felt Paul's hand moving behind her and as he raised her nightshirt, she moved her upper leg up and away, anticipating his entry. She felt Paul move close behind her and, his right hand slipped under her neck as his left hand finally touched the aching, throbbing little bit that was the center of her consciousness. Beginning a relentless circling motion, Paul pushed himself into her carefully, pulling her back against him. As he moved within her, she felt the caress of silk against her backside and knew that rather than lowering his pajamas, he had merely slipped his hardness through the opening. As countless couples had done since the beginning of time, when a lack of privacy in a communal cave demanded circumspection, Paul and CJ fulfilled each other's need with delicacy.

When Paul could sense that CJ was reaching completion, he moved the hand under her head and covered her mouth before she could scream. Then, burying his mouth into her hair, he gave into his own passion.

They remained spooned with each other until he slipped from inside her. Paul pushed on CJ's shoulder to bring her to her back. Turning onto his back, he pulled her against his side. They indulged in a few minutes of after play until sleep overtook them.

**Day three; Columbia University campus**

"CJ? Are you okay?"

Derrick put his arm around his stepmother's shoulders. He first noticed her quietness earlier in the day a few minutes after they had walked onto the Columbia campus. However, Tom and his parents had just spied the five of them and had called over to them. Then came the rush to get seats for the formal Commencement ceremony for the University, with all its pomp and circumstance. Afterward, while Joe treated the others to lunch, Paul and CJ made a quick trip back to the hotel to collect Caitlin and Dansha, who were once again in Mrs. Robinson's care.

There was a more informal ceremony at the Graduate School of Journalism that afternoon. Tickets were more plentiful, and Tom's sister, her husband, and her daughter joined the group. Several of the faculty recognized CJ, knew of her role in the Bartlet administration and asked after the former president, knew of her marriage to Danny and asked how she was doing.

Now the Reeves and Jeffersons were taking picture after picture, and CJ wasn't in this series. She stood off to the side and Derrick once more got the impression that something else was on her mind.

"I'm fine."

But the smile was a little too bright and Derrick pushed again.

"Tell me."

His smile was so much like his father's; his eyes were such much like his father's.

"I was just remembering being here when they gave Danny his last Pulitzer; it was posthumous, of course. It was pretty like today, spring in New York. I felt so bad about having missed the other three. Paddy was sick for the one for Leo's book; the one for the Sharif story – well, there was no way I could show up for that, and the first one, well, that was when he was just a guy who flirted with me. Anyway, I just wish I could have shared those times with him." Then, she stopped, looked down, and then up into his face. "Derrick, I love your father beyond all, I wouldn't trade"

"I know."

His look of understanding, of "you don't have to explain yourself to me", was so much like his father's.

"_I wish you could have been there for them, too, CJ. All of them. The first one, I hoped it might convince you that I could be more than a White House reporter. The one for Sharif, well, I knew you couldn't be there, but part of me still strained to see if maybe, in the back of the crowd – well, I knew that you understood. And then when I got the card later. The one for Leo, well, Toby and everyone else made up for that, and the fact that it was my son that you were tending."_

"_I'm so proud of my Deborah!" Alicia came running up to Danny. "All these doctors in the family!"_

"_And you, too," Danny said, handing her a scrolled piece of paper._

_Puzzled, Alicia opened the roll. It proclaimed her Doctor of Philosophy in Art History. It was signed "Leonardo"._

"_Come on. Your mother and grandmother have a boatload of food ready."_

"_Okay, but first, let's stop - ". And Alicia pulled Danny toward Cassiopeia's Chair._

The group around Deborah broke up.

"So, what's next?" Tom's sister Tracy asked.

"If you remembered to bring your suits, time at the pool at our hotel until dinner," Tom said.

"What time is the reservation, again? I think I might want a nap," Joe asked.

"Seven, Granddad," Deborah told him.

Paddy was happy. Tonight, he and Tessa would be eating with the grownups instead of in the hotel room with the babysitter and his little sisters. He hoped he remembered to pull out Tessa's chair for her. He also hoped that Derrick would be sitting on the other side of him instead of Mama. Mama tended to fuss over him in restaurants. Derrick would tell him what the fancy words on the menu meant, but his brother would do it without making a big scene about it. Sometimes, when Mama told him that he shouldn't order something, it made him feel like a baby; Derrick and Papa always let him know things quietly, important things like "sweetbreads" weren't what they sounded like, that "escargots" were snails, and to stay away from things named "lamb fries" or "Rocky Mountain oysters". And Paddy knew that if he was totally confused, he could always say something like "I don't know, what sounds good to you?" to Derrick or Papa without being cornered into chicken fingers or a hamburger patty.

**Later that evening**

"May I have the bill?" Paul asked the waiter.

"No, I'll take it," George Jefferson said, reaching for his wallet.

"It's already been handled, gentlemen," the waiter responded.

"Derrick, you shouldn't- ".

"Son!" George turned to Tom.

Louise Jefferson and CJ smiled at each other. Aware of what would probably happen, the two of them had spoken with the man earlier when they "went to the powder room" and the charges, along with a substantial tip, was split between their credit cards.

**Day four; brownstone of Toby Ziegler and Andrea Wyatt Ziegler**

"Andy apologizes for not being here, but I'm sure you understand. I'm just not sure I do, not sure that I'm ready for this."

Last night, Ginger had called Andy and Toby. Sev (Richard VII) had just found out that his date for the senior prom being held in two days had just undergone an emergency appendectomy. Would Toby and Andy be willing to allow him to ask Molly to attend the dance with him. Everyone else in his crowd was paired off and he didn't want to go stag. Ginger and Rick were hosting the after prom party at their DC townhouse, so there would be no illicit activity or consumption of adult beverages. Andy convinced Toby to say "yes", so the phones were handed to the two young people and now Andy and Molly were out buying a first "formal".

CJ, Caitlin, and Dansha were visiting with the Zieglers while Paul, Joe, Derrick and Paddy took in a Mets' game. (Had it been the Yankees, Toby and Huck would have joined them.) Tom and Deborah were seeing two of Tom's Med School classmates who were in residency at Yale.

"How exciting for Molly!"

"But she's just fourteen! A baby! She's not yet in high school and he's graduating from high school!" Toby sputtered.

"And Sev is just a friend, at least for now. All our kids are almost like cousins," CJ answered. "Speaking of kids, I don't hear - "

CJ and Toby walked from the kitchen to the den. Dansha and Alexis had fallen asleep on the floor in front of the TV. Huck was helping Caitlin with a puzzle.

"No, Caitlin, that's not right."

"The colors are the same."

"But the hole in this piece is much bigger than the sticking-out part of the other one."

"Huck, you don't have to spend your time with Caitlin," CJ told Molly's twin. "I'm sure you have better things to do than playing with a four year old."

"Four and a half, Mama!"

"It's no problem, ma'am. Enjoy your visit with Dad."

CJ and Toby had already turned back to the kitchen. They didn't see the look of happiness on Huck's face as his eyes briefly turned older than time.

"I defend my thesis next week," Toby told CJ.

"Tobus!" CJ got up to hug him. "So you'll be Dr. Ziegler by the end of the year!"

"Go outside, turn around three times, and spit!"

"I have every confidence in you, my friend."

CJ and Toby started as noise from the street interrupted their conversation. It died down to the sound of the front door closing.

"We're home!" Andy announced.

"Come let me see," CJ called out. "We're in the kitchen!"

"Yes, come let me do a thumbs up or down," Toby added.

Andy and Molly walked into the room. Andy was carrying a long garment bag.

"Aunt CJ!" Molly ran up to hug the woman. Then Andy and CJ kissed each other's cheek.

The dress was deep amethyst cotton lace over a dyed-to-match lining. It was sleeveless with a surplice bodice.

"The neck isn't too low?" Toby asked.

"She can wear a regular bra," Andy told her husband. "It's fine. What did you want, a turtle neck?"

"Well, maybe a round one, with puffed sleeves and a bow in the back." He laughed along with CJ and Andy as Molly rolled her eyes and said "Oh, Daddy!"

"At first, I wanted something strapless," Molly told them, "but Mom said that it might make Sev uncomfortable, trying to figure out how to pin a corsage on it. I'm going to get flowers! We found some little silver sandals, and a pair of purple flip-flops for afterwards. Daddy, is it okay if I borrow Mom's pearls? Are you going to come down to DC with us?"

"Sweetheart, your first fancy dance, I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Huck and Caitlin came into the kitchen.

"Nice dress, Molls."

"Pretty purple."

Caitlin reached out to touch the gown.

"Yes, it is, baby," CJ said as she reached down to pick up her daughter and hold the little redhead on her lap.

"You always did look nice in that color."

"What was that, Huck? What did you say?"

Toby turned to Huck as he asked the questions. For an instant, he thought that Huck's eyes looked strange, but when he looked again, they were the same as always. I must be getting old, the Columbia professor said to himself.

"Just that it's a nice color. Not a little girl's color but not a really sophisticated one either. What's the phrase? Age-appropriate?"

"Caitlin, would you like to come upstairs with me and help me play with my hair?" Molly asked the child. Alexis was still a bit too young to be an adoring younger sister and Molly took pleasure in the way Caitlin was looking at her and at her dress.

"Come on, Huck, let's go check on the nappers," Toby said, leading his son out of the kitchen.

Andy poured herself a cup of coffee and, holding up the pot, asked CJ if she needed a refill (she did).

"Have you heard anymore about Liz?" Andy asked CJ.

"Zoey called earlier this morning. The surgery went well and the doctors are pretty confident they got it all. They did go ahead and take the ovaries as well, so, instant menopause. She'll be with Zoey and Charlie for two weeks and then Annie and Renée will be with her in New Hampshire. The Faisons will be there for the second half of June."

Andy took a long sip from her cup.

"Well, I'm a bit relieved, just as I was when you had your little scare with your breasts. Everything's still okay with that? You aren't keeping anything from the rest of us?"

"Yes. No," CJ answered Andy's questions.

"So we've been pretty lucky," Andy said.

_"Except for me," Danny whispered._

"_And me," Simon echoed._

"_And us. That's life, guys." Abbey said, as she and Helen came up behind them. "We're going over to Hercules to play mixed doubles with Leo and Fitz. Come watch us." _

Except for Danny, CJ thought to herself. Then she smiled at Andy. "From your lips to God's ear."

There was a sound of stirring from the den and the two women went to check on their youngest children.

As they each held a little girl on their lap, Andy and CJ talked of the others.

Andy thought that Josh had finally accepted Sam's willingness to defer to Louis Berryhill and not pursue the nomination for '18. Josh would do all he could to help the former Secretary of State, but Bruno Gianelli would be running the show for Lou.

"Neal Sherman's not going to seek reelection. I'm going to run for his seat," Andy told CJ.

"Andy, that's wonderful!" CJ exclaimed. "Now that I think about it, Toby did act like he was having the hardest time keeping a secret earlier. You must be so excited!"

"Excited. Apprehensive. A little unsure about leaving my safe house seat for having to win over the entire state. A since Sam isn't running, I'm thinking about asking Josh for help. I'm going to feel out Donna over the weekend. It's a shame you guys can't come down to DC for a day or two before going back."

"Paul and I agreed that we would just do New York, just have a whirlwind trip in and out. Everyone was asking – Josh and Donna, Tom's family, the President wanted us in Manchester, Paul's friends at Yale Divinity. But we'll be back at the end of July for Ginger. It was nice of her to move the reunion so we could come back for it right before we go over for Aisling and Jamie's wedding."

"Actually, it works out better for us as well. Toby has a chance to go to Colombia – the country, I mean – and oversee the elections.

**Day five; JFK Airport; late morning**

"Good-bye, Dr. Jefferson. Good-bye, Dr. Jefferson," CJ laughed as she hugged her stepdaughter and step-son-in-law. We'll see you again in July at Albion."

"Enjoy Denver, enjoy Laramie," Derrick told his sister. (The Jeffersons were flying to Denver for a day and then going on the University of Wyoming, where Tom would be shepherding third year med students from Alaska who were part of WWAMI, the collaborative medical school program for the universities of Washington, Wyoming, Alaska, Montana, and Idaho, through a GP clerkship.)

Paul hugged his daughter. "I'm so proud of you, Deborah. And your mother would be - "

"_I am."_

"I know," Deborah said, reaching up to kiss his cheek.

Then the disembodied voice announced the final boarding call for the flight and the young couple disappeared through the jetway.

"Well, let's go find our gate."

**That evening; Kensington, CA**

"Sleep tight, little ones," CJ said as she closed the door to her daughters' bedroom.

Walking up the hall, she peeked into the other room. Paddy was also sound asleep, holding onto Jasmine (who hadn't left the little boy's side since they picked her up at the kennel on the way home from the airport). From the family room, she heard the soft rumble of Derrick's voice. He had been on the phone with Natasha for a good half-hour.

CJ walked into her bedroom and shut the door. Turning around, she caught sight of Paul sitting in bed. He smiled at her and put down the journal he had been reading.

"Just give me a minute to change," she said, reaching for the drawer that held her night things.

"Undress, yes; change, no."

Paul slipped out of the bed.

He was nude.

He was ready.

And in a minute, so was CJ.

New York was nice, CJ thought. Home was nicer.


	25. An Accidental Eavesdropper

**An Accidental Eavesdropper**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult – description of sexual activity.

Special note – there are many, including myself, who would have problems with the option that Deborah and Tom held out for themselves. However, I felt the need to see if I could put myself in another's shoes, so to speak, as an author. Hopefully, this subplot will not keep those of you who have these issues from continuing to read my work.

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

**July 14, 2017; Albion, CA 2:15 AM PDT**

"I need."

At first, Derrick was confused. Then, as consciousness drove sleep from his brain, he began to get his bearings. He was on the deck. It was dark (a quick glance at his watch gave him the time) and he recognized the peaceful sounds of high summer night creatures.

He also recognized other sounds and groaned to himself as full memory of the day's events returned to him.

It started around noon when Natasha received the phone call from Phoenix; her mother had suffered a heart attack.

At first, Natasha had wanted him to take her to Santa Rosa, the nearest airport, the one into which she had flown on the seventh. She didn't mind transferring at San Francisco or Oakland. But Derrick had insisted on driving her down to the city. It was only about eighty minutes' more driving time, he told her ("Eighty minutes each way, Derrick, that's a lot of extra driving") and he would feel better if she were on a non-stop flight. While Natasha hurriedly packed her things, Derrick had called the airlines. The first available confirmed seat wasn't until 6:00 that evening, but Natasha might be able to get a standby seat on an earlier flight.

Meanwhile, CJ had been on the phone to Sacramento. "Thanks, Morgan, we really appreciate it. I'll feel better, Paul will feel better, and I know that Derrick will feel better."

Then she had given Derrick the name of an assistant director in SFO's airport security office. The young man would be allowed to accompany Natasha and wait with her in the departure lounge.

As bad luck would have it, there had been some traffic delays in Marin County and by the time the two of them reached the airport, the 6:00 flight was the next one scheduled to leave.

Derrick had waited at the gate until the desk attendant told him that the plane was in the air, so it was nearly 7:00 by the time he had left San Francisco and close to 11:00 by the time he had arrived back in Albion to find only Tom and Deborah waiting for him. His father had developed one of his headaches, he was told, and had gone to bed about 7:30. CJ had followed suit about ninety minutes later, after the kids had been settled in their beds. Natasha had called about 10:00 to let them know that she had arrived safely in Phoenix and was at the hospital. She had tried to call Derrick but apparently he must have been in a dead zone.

When asked, Derrick had told his sister that he had grabbed something at the Taco Bell in Healdsburg and wasn't hungry. He also had told the two of them that yes, he was tired, but he was also full of adrenaline from the events of the day and was going to nurse some McDonald whiskey and decompress before joining Paddy in the loft.

So the Jefferson's had left him here on the deck, where a combination of good Scotch and eight hours of driving had finally lulled him to sleep, only to be awakened by the sound of his parents making love.

The open bedroom window was near the edge of the deck, but apparently sound travelled well in the stillness of the northern California coastal forest. There was no way he could move; the glider on which he sat would squeak with the movement. Fixing it was one of the items on the list of chores Derrick hoped to handle with his father before he left on Sunday. And even if he did manage to stand without making a sound, he would still have to enter the house and climb the stairs to the loft. The only course of action was to remain where he was and try not to think about what was occurring.

"I need." CJ voice sounded plaintive, as if she were in pain.

"Tell me what you need, sweetheart," his father's voice, hoarse but not strained, replied.

"Harder. Faster. Deeper."

The rates of breathing increased, along with the rustle of sheets. Every woman is different, but Derrick recognized the mewlings of a woman approaching climax.

"Come to me, sweetheart. Let it happen. Nothing else. Just focus on what's happening to you. Come to me; come to me."

At least it would be over soon, Derrick thought. His father would see to his stepmother's satisfaction, take his own release, and the two of them would fall into post-coital slumber. And then Derrick would go to bed.

__

"Oh, my poor baby!" Alicia said sympathetically.

"Hey, a mother shouldn't be empathizing with a son in a situation like this",Danny laughed.

"And what should a mother do?"

"This."

Danny began circle around Alicia.

Derrick tried as hard as he could to block out CJ's cries and then sighs of satisfaction. He waited for the rest. And waited. And waited.

"Paul?" CJ's voice was puzzled. "You didn't - ".

"You need more, sweetheart," Paul chuckled, "at least one more. And I'm no longer twenty-two, I'm sorry, so I decided to wait."

"But you're better now than when you were twenty-two. And somehow, when you get hard like this, I think you're bigger than you were then." There was a pause and Derrick heard the sound of a kiss before she continued. "It's probably not the right thing to say, but I'm so glad that when you're aroused, you are so long and so thick. It feels so good to be filled by you, to feel you touching every last little square millimeter."

"It's because you make me this way. I swear, CJ, all you have to do is enter the room, all I need to do is hear your voice, and I bone up like a thirteen-year old."

"Well, thank God you don't go off like a thirteen-year old," CJ giggled.

"And what experience do you have regarding sexual urges in thirteen-year old boys?" his father's voice chuckled in amusement.

"I do have two older brothers."

"Who would NEVER tell a little sister about their worries, and even if you were eavesdropping, what would you understand a seven or eight?"

"And my girlfriends had younger brothers."

There was the sound of more kissing.

"Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes"

More kissing.

"Thy lips are like a thread of scarlet, thy temples are like a piece of pomegranate within thy locks."

The sheets rustled again. There was a slight sound of suction, of a hand releasing from damp flesh.

His father was lucky, Derrick thought, to have a profession that allows him to quote biblical love poetry. He imagined himself reciting from Williston's "Contracts" while romancing Natasha and then had to stifle the laugh that came to his lips.

"Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins,Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor: thy belly is like a heap of wheat set about with lilies."

"Paul."

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"I want to turn over."

And with those five words, Derrick Reeves became, if not as long and thick, at least as hard, as his father.

Derrick tried hard not to imagine what was happening in the room as the rustling of sheets grew louder.

"The joints of thy thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman."

Like many men, Derrick enjoyed the site of a woman on her knees with her butt in the air, her head cradled on her arms. Like many men, he reveled in the occasional joining with a woman from behind her, pulling her softness against him as he used his other hand to send her into ecstasy. He had always been gentle and careful, to convey only feelings of care and respect, and most of the women with whom he had been intimate had been willing to make love in that manner. Although some had been a little apprehensive at first, they soon came around, especially after they had experienced orgasm with his arousal inside them and his fingers on them. But none of them had ever initiated the posture.

"Lift your hips, sweetheart. Let me adjust this pillow."

Apparently, this was not the garden variety "animal" position.

At first, there was only the sign of breathing in unison and the faintest creaking of a bed.

"I'm not too heavy on you?"

"Never. I love the feel of your body on mine, your chest on my back, your arms on my arms. I feel so safe, so cherished."

The breathing of the two people in the bedroom became more rapid, but remained in unison.

"Fingers."

The breathing became more ragged. One more time, Derrick tried to block out the sound of his stepmother's climax. This time, it was followed by the sound of exertion, as if his father were lifting himself into a pushup, and even more labored breathing. A few more seconds, and the satisfied groan of an orgasmic male came through the window.

And Derrick was even more rock hard than he had been a few minutes ago.

The breathing slowed, quieted. More rustling of sheets as a body shifted in the bed.

"Turn round, sweetheart; come here."

More kissing sounds.

"Paul, what are you DO!-ing?"

"It's not obvious?"

"You don't HAVE! to."

"But I do. You have one more inside you."

Kissing sounds.

"It's not FAIR! Three to one."

"Four to three, counting this morning."

"Speaking of which, you certainly reACT!ed quickly this morning. You were rea-DY! within twenty minutes after you - "

"Reacted to waking up to find my wife kneeling in front of me, taking me in her mouth, covering my groin with her hair and sending me to the heights of rapture?"

"When I woke up and SAW! you in the chair with the Bible in your lap, dozing, I just HAD!-"

"Open wide for me, sweetheart."

"Paul, you really DON'T have to"

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your husbands."

"Ephesians," CJ sighed. "Your namesake was quite the chauvinist, WAS!n't he?"

"But he also said 'So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies'. Let me love you. Open wide for me." The last sentence was so soft, Derrick barely understood the words.

Seven minutes later, Derrick finally heard the words that were music to his ears.

"G'night, husband, thank you."

"Goodnight and God bless, sweetheart."

Ten minutes later, the only sounds coming from the open window were two light snores and Derrick was finally able to leave the deck. The glider squeaked once when he stood up and then three more times as it moved back and forth.

He climbed the stairs to the loft as quietly as possible. Jasmine raised her head, then lowered it again. Paddy stirred once and turned over, then went back to sleep. Derrick stripped to his underwear and got into bed. He was still fully aroused and seriously debated not waiting for it to go away on its own. He decided against so doing because of the little boy sleeping four feet on the other side of the area rug.

He also changed his mind when he realized that if he took things into his own hands (so to speak), he would have to change the bed in the morning. And Derrick would prefer to sleep in the sheets that were already on the bed.

Earlier, as he was lifting Natasha's suitcase into his car, the young woman turned to CJ.

"Oh, Mrs. Reeves, I should have stripped the bed and changed it! I'm sorry." Now that she was going, Derrick and Paddy would be moving out of the camper and into the loft.

"Natasha, it's no problem. I'll take care of it," CJ assured her.

Derrick went back into the house for a final restroom trip and spoke to CJ in a low voice when he came back outside.

"Don't bother with the bed, CJ."

The look she gave him told him that she understood.

He had been dating Natasha for seven months and she was still not ready to take their relationship to sexual intimacy. Yes, he was frustrated, but he was also patient. Once his father knew that his mother was the right woman for him, his father was willing to wait six months for her. His father had also told him that he was willing to wait for CJ, for two months the first time and for five months this second time, because the prize was worth the wait.

Nineteen months ago, Derrick had decided that he needed to leave a life of somewhat casual serial monogamy and look for something better. In searching for that permanency, he had been celibate for fifteen months. Derrick knew in his heart that Natasha was the woman he wanted in his life for as long as God gave the two of them; that certainty sustained him in times of physical need. Of course, he wasn't perfect; he had resorted to self-release two or three times. It would be so easy to do so now, but then he would not be able to spend the next few days sleeping on sheets imbued with the scent of her body wash and the faint scent of her body, hugging the pillow that held echoes of her shampoo. So Derrick yawned and filled his mind with visions of the woman who had occupied his bed, albeit without him, for the past few days.

**8:00 AM**

"Derrick! Wake up! It's a beautiful day!"

Derrick groaned to himself. He had been asleep for only a few hours after a long and tiring day. But he knew that Paddy had been very understanding for the past four or five days ("I know you want to spend time with your special friend, Derrick. Don't worry about me; we can do things after she leaves.") and while Natasha wasn't supposed to leave until Sunday and while Paddy wouldn't be happy that Natasha's mother was sick, Derrick was sure that the kid was looking forward to having more time with his big brother.

"Come on, Derrick, Papa's making French toast!"

Hearing that, Derrick's interest was engaged. His father made excellent French toast.

Five minutes later, Derrick was with the others at the kitchen table, gratefully drinking the coffee, even though it was decaf, that Tom had handed to him. The family was discussing their plans for the morning.

Caitlin and Dansha needed new sneakers (the result of a romp in the mud two days ago), so Paul and CJ would be taking the girls with them up to Mendocino and a trip to the farmers' market. Deborah and Tom would be staying home; Deborah, who was four months' pregnant was having some morning sickness issues, and was gamely trying to keep some saltines in her stomach. Paddy was supposed to be going horseback riding with Ethan Amberson and his father. He tried to get Derrick to come along with them.

"Paddy, I'm really exhausted from yesterday and I need a bit more sleep. I'll tell you what, when you get back later this afternoon, we can spend the rest of the day together."

At that moment, Phil Amberson drove up and the next few minutes were spent getting Paddy and his fanny pack into the truck.

"I've got more toast," Paul said. "Sweetheart?"

Derrick watched as his father rested one hand on CJ's back while setting the plate in front of her. She took a piece and then, smiling up at her husband, reached for his palm and pressed it to her lips.

"Thank you."

Derrick observed the unspoken messages that passed between his father and his stepmother and sighed. He knew that sex wasn't the only criteria for a happy marriage, but he also knew that it played a very vital part. CJ glowed with the contentment of a woman who was expertly taken care of physically and emotionally and his father exuded the confidence of a man who was not only satisfied by his wife's attentions but who also knew that he was satisfying said wife.

Derrick had planned, at an opportune moment, to privately mention to his father that "sound carries up here at night" but now he decided against so doing. Derrick did not want to say anything that might inhibit the physical expression of love between his parents; what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them. Instead, Derrick asked the two of them if he could take Paddy for a ride up the coast later in the day and stop for supper along the way.

After breakfast, Paul and CJ went off with the girls; Tom returned to the upstairs bedroom to be with his wife. And Derrick returned to the loft to catch up on his sleep.

**11:00 AM**

"Yes, your face is getting fuller and yes, your waist is thicker, but it's for a good reason. You are so beautiful, Debs. No, you just sit here by the fire and I'll get you some ginger ale."

As Derrick woke to the sound of his brother-in-law's voice, several thoughts raced through his head. Most important, whatever he might overhear, at least it wouldn't involve sex, since Deborah and Tom were obviously in the living room and they knew that he was sleeping in the open loft. Also, even as a child, his sister would never let anyone, not even him, call her by a nickname; apparently spouses were special.

"I hope I'm not being too much of a wet blanket on the family," Deborah said, "but I'm just so tired all the time, and with this upchucking -"

"Love, remember the look in your father's eyes when we told them, that first night? And how excited the kids are about being aunts and uncles?"

"I know. I'm so glad no one figured it out back in May. It was hard enough having to deal with my conflicted emotions, on the one hand taking every care to protect and nurture this little boy and on the other, steeling myself for what would happen if the test results were bad. I would have hated having to lie to my father, to tell him I miscarried when I -"

"Honey, were you having second thoughts about our decision? You should have told me. Remember, when we first talked about starting a family, I told you that I would live with whatever you decided. Yes, the decision affected me as I thought your father accepted the idea that it's a personal decision, no matter his personal views on the subject of abortion?"

"He does, and he would never criticize, at least not to my face. But it would have killed him with guilt that he gave this to me. That's why I would have kept the pregnancy from him, or lied about its end if he had known about it and if we had to abort."

_"Well, I don't accept it and believe you me, if I were down there and knew about it, I would be letting my great-granddaughter know exactly how I feel!" Esther Dawson harrumphed._

"_Oh, Meemaw!" Alicia sighed._

"_You agree with her?"_

"_In that it's her decision, yes."_

"_Well, I never!" Esther answered._

"_And be glad you never had to make such a decision, Mother Dawson," Bernice told her mother-in-law. "As am I. Only a fool would fail to notice how much anguish Deborah and Tom went through waiting for the results. It would not have been a frivolous decision."_

"Well, thank God, we were lucky this time, Debs. We have, by all accounts, a healthy little boy growing inside you, and in five months or so, we'll be holding him in our arms."

Wow. Derrick would have preferred hearing his sister having sex than to have heard **that** conversation. But then, he was also a little hurt that she hadn't discussed it with him. They had always told each other **everything**. He knew about Deborah's first period before their mother did. They had each told the other about their first sexual experiences. The only reason that his father knew about Natasha before Deborah did was because his father was there when he met the French professor and Deborah was in Alaska at the time. But he had called his sister that night and told her about her future sister-in-law.

But that was part of being married, all that leaving family and cleaving to another business. That's what Derrick was hoping to have with Natasha.

His cell rang. Quickly, he knew he had to fake being roused from sleep, so he let it ring two more times before answering with a sleepy voice. It was Natasha, calling to let him know that her mom would be in the hospital for a few more days, but that she wouldn't be needing bypass surgery. As long as she was in Arizona, she was going to stay here a bit longer. However, she should be back in San Luis Obispo before Derrick for Scotland and Danny's niece's wedding.

By the time Derrick got downstairs and had cleaned up, his parents and his little sisters had returned. ("See shoes!") The four of them had eaten lunch in town and came back with sandwiches and extremely yummy desserts for the others.

Paddy returned from his horseback adventure, having been fed by the Ambersons, and after a while, the two brothers left for their "guys only" adventure.

When Derrick and Paddy returned at 8:30, the child was sleeping, his T-shirt showing evidence of the burgers and fries that had comprised dinner, ("There's a new place in Caspar. It's not much more than a bar – burgers, shrimp, and chili – but someone in Fort Bragg said that the burgers were out of this world that the crowd was low-key before 9:00 or so. Paddy wasn't the only kid there.") Derrick carried his brother up to the loft and then stopped in the kitchen to get the beer he would have drunk with his supper had discretion not gotten the better of him.

There was a beautiful arrangement of flowers on the kitchen table, and Derrick knew without checking for a card that the bouquet was a "Thank you" from Natasha.

**July 16; 6:45 AM**

The chirping of birds nudged its way into Derrick's consciousness. He opened his eyes briefly, taking in the early morning sun coming through the window, and then closed them again. Later today, after church and brunch, in Mendocino, he would drive back to San Luis Obispo.

Derrick was of two minds about leaving. It had been an enjoyable two weeks with his family, especially the last week, when Natasha had been with them. However, it would be good to be back in his own condo, with his own bathroom. It would be good to be able to draw the blinds and walk around in his underwear, or nude. Derrick loved his family, loved being with his parents, reveled in Paddy's adoration, enjoyed being with the little girls, and was thrilled to have spent some time with Deborah and Tom. And, of course, he would be returning to Kensington in ten days to go overseas for the wedding.

However, there was such a thing as too much togetherness. He had been put in the unenjoyable position of being an accidental eavesdropper twice over the course of this trip.

Actually, Derrick reminded himself, it was three times, if not four. He recalled the events at the beginning of the vacation.

**July 5, 2017; 8:30 PM**

"How did I know he was perfect for you, Alex? Well, I lived with him for five days, three guys in a space that was meant for two," Paul said.

Then the minister turned to his son.

"Larry, the guy I shared the apartment with that first year in law school, couldn't afford more than two days in a hotel when his fiancée came out for her spring break, so after the first weekend, I moved into the frat house, so he and Rosemary could have some privacy."

Luke Davidson and his wife Alex were old friends of his parents, from their days at Berkeley well over thirty years ago. The Davidson's were on their way back to Oregon from Palo Alto, where their son Rick was attending an orientation camp for incoming student-athletes at Stanford, and would be spending the night and the next day with the Reeves before leaving on Friday morning.

"But there was no way I was going to give up my weekend pleasures," Paul continued. "Everything would be behind closed doors; it wouldn't be a _ménage à quâtre_ - "

"Hey!" CJ exclaimed, "not in front of the kids (Paddy always wanted to know what unfamiliar words and phrases meant). Speaking of which, Caitlin, Dansha, it's time to get you in bed. You can hardly keep your eyes open." She looked at the two little girls, who were curled up on either side of their father. "Hold the rest of this story. I'll be back," she finished as she pushed on the arm rests of her chair.

"I'm not sleepy, Papa, and I'm bigger than Dansha," Caitlin pouted. "Can I stay up?"

"Listen to Mama, Kitty-Caitlin," the minister gently reproved the redhead.

"_Yes, listen to your mother," Danny said, reaching down and_ _lightly patting the little derrière._

"_Daughters learn early, don't they?" Leo laughed._

"_Aye, that they do," Hugh Stewart agreed._

"_Little hussies, the lot o' them," Brianna said. "Look, here comes Callisto."_

"_Bottoms up!" Abbey cried as Alicia passed around the pitcher of white sangria._

_The group was playing the "Jupiter Moonsrise" drinking game. (And in heaven, you could easily see all sixty-three of them. It would be a very pleasant experience.)_

"CJ, I'll put the girls to bed," Derrick said, easily rising from his chair. "You stay and visit."

"Thank you," Derrick's stepmother replied.

"Yes, thank you, son."

"Mama, Papa," Paddy said as Derrick was getting Caitlin to wrap her arms and around his neck and her legs around his waist, piggyback style, "may I go read in bed for a while, since we men are getting up real early to go fishing tomorrow?"

Derrick stood up and picked up Dansha in his arms. Luckily, the girls were in the downstairs bedroom, so his walk with the two of them was not that far.

Thirty-five minutes later, his sisters had fallen asleep two-thirds of the way through "The Velveteen Rabbit" and Derrick gently kissed their foreheads, adjusted the covers, and prepared to leave the room.

Derrick had always been aware of the adoration which Caitlin and Dansha lavished on his father, but it was only lately that his thoughts on the situation turned from amusement to envy. For some reason, Derrick found himself looking forward to the day when he too would be the honored guest at a tea party, would be expected to make anything and everything better with a kiss and a hug, would be accepted as the ultimate authority on anything from why the sky was blue to setting bedtime.

Before going back outside, he went upstairs to check on Paddy. The boy was kneeling by the window, his book unopened on the bed.

"I thought you wanted to read?"

Paddy turned around to face his brother. "I was bored, so I told a fib. Billy's cousin told us it's okay to tell a lie if you do it because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Like when Mama makes chili with that tofu stuff instead of hamburger."

Derrick laughed with the child. "That stuff is really rancid, isn't it? Well, it will be our little secret. But you were right about needing sleep for tomorrow; don't stay up too late."

As Derrick returned to deck, he caught a look of half amusement and half embarrassment on his father's face.

"I'm sure I have no idea what you are talking about."

Luke Davidson took a sip from his glass. "Damn! This is good scotch!" Then he continued the conversation.

"Oh, come on, Paul, you were **too** hyper! You made all of us polish our shoes, press our slacks, and you insisted we all wear jackets. You made sure that all the thorns had been removed from the roses. I half-expected you to check behind our ears, to make sure we had washed!"

Once again, the others tried to make Derrick part of the conversation, explaining about the "pinning ceremonies" that were still commonplace in the early 1980's. Listening to their conversation, Derrick was once again struck by how much his father and CJ had loved each other when they first met. Again, he felt out of place, but the two couples randomly brought him into the conversation, going into detail about a particular memory or what would otherwise be an inside joke; it was enough to make Derrick feel it would be rude to leave.

Sitting there, Derrick was surprised at the casual intimacy that the two couples displayed in front of each other. There was nothing salacious or inappropriate, but it was obvious that these four people had been very close during those days at Berkeley and that his father was willing (or was it able, Derrick wondered) to relax his behavior with Luke and Alex in a way he wasn't with anyone else. Derrick appreciated their efforts but also found himself wishing he were young enough to use a ruse like Paddy had to excuse himself from the group. For one thing, these were memories that his father had shared with someone other than his mother. For another, he felt that his presence might inhibit some aspects of the reunion between his father, CJ, and the Davidson's.

Luke was sitting on the glider. His wife was leaning against pillow on one end, with her legs bent over Luke's thighs and her feet resting on the other side of his body. When she turned on her side to face Paul and CJ while making a particular point, her husband's hand absent-mindedly moved along the line of her hip from waist to knee and back again. But when Alex shifted again, the hand fell into a rather intimate location.

His father was on a chaise lounge, one leg bent with foot flat on the cushion and the other leg on the deck beside the chair. CJ was sitting between his legs, her back against her husband's chest. His father's arms were loosely draped around her shoulders. She reached back and kissed the side of Paul's face.

"And here I thought you were the epitome of cool, the way you had arranged everything, getting all the other girls downstairs without my knowing anything," CJ told him.

"By the time we got to your dorm, I was in the zone, sweetheart. I loved you so much, I wanted the world to know you were mine," Paul answered. He kissed her shoulder.

Derrick knew it was subconscious, but it surprised him to see his father lightly caress the side of his stepmother's breast.

"And you have no room to talk, Dr. Davidson. Within twenty-four hours of that dinner at my place, you thanked me for introducing you to your quote-unquote future wife; by the next Friday, you wanted me to go with you to look at engagement rings," Paul lifted on hand from CJ's shoulder to point at his old friend.

"I plead no contest. From the very start." Luke picked up his wife's hand and pressed it to his lips. "Right, Lexa?"

"From the very start. I never looked back." Alex smiled at her husband and moved her hand from his mouth to caress his jaw line.

"And you have us to thank for it," CJ laughed as she pulled Paul's arms tighter around her shoulders.

Alex shifted again to get more comfortable and looked over to her hostess.

"CJ, I remember when you came back to the dorm that Sunday night after you spent that first weekend with Paul. Your face, when you said 'I'm a woman now, a very lucky woman', was glowing. I think I knew how much in love you were before you did yourself."

Okay, Derrick said to himself, I really need to get out of here!

Fortuitously, Derrick's phone rang. Recognizing the caller as one of the other lawyers on the Hollis staff, he excused himself and by the time he had finished the rather lengthy conversation, his folks and their guests were making their way inside. ("Five o'clock does come pretty early.")

**July 7, 2015; 6:45 AM**

Derrick was fully awake; anticipating the day. In a few hours, right after the Davidson's left for Agness, he would drive down to Santa Rosa and pick up Natasha, who would spend the next week with his family and then drive back to San Luis Obispo with him. In a few hours, he would be with the woman who would someday share his bed. Not in the next week, of course. Not in this house. And when it did happen for the first time, he would want to spend more time with her than a couple of hours at the Bide-A-Wee. So the best he could hope for would be maybe, just maybe, they would stop somewhere south of San Francisco and – well, best not to think about it. It would happen when it happens. He was a patient man, right now patient one month longer than his father had had to be for his mother.

"_Here's hoping the laddie doesna ha' to wait seven years like I did," Jem said as he lined up his shot at the pool table. _

"_Or eight," Danny answered. He and Jem were paired against Hugh and Simon. Over at the next table, Leo and Fitz were battling Padraic Concannon and Talmadge Cregg. "But the wait was worth it."_

"_Indeed."_

The smell of coffee wafted up the stairs to the loft; someone else was up. Probably Dad, he thought to himself, doing his usual early morning scriptural reading and meditation.

Derrick pulled on a pair of jeans and made his way downstairs. Daydreaming of the sight of Natasha coming down the steps of the little commuter plane, he poured himself a cup of coffee and headed toward the door to the deck, planning to sit in companionable silence with his father until the minister was finished with his devotionals.

He was already out the door when he heard the female voice coming from around the corner of the deck.

"CJ, you have no idea how much it fills my heart to finally see you happy, the way you deserve to be."

"_Hey, lady, what do you mean, finally?"_

"Alex, what do you mean, finally? I had six glorious years with Danny. And before that, my life wasn't a total disaster."

"I know that, CJ, even though I never got to meet him in person, I know you and Danny were in love, were happy. But that was the Claudia Jean Cregg that was worldly and accomplished, not the eager young girl who stood on the brink of life with me for four years at Berkeley. Remember, I was there when you first told me about the neat guy you met at the bookstore. I was there that Sunday when you told me 'This is the day I'm going to lose my virginity'. I was there when you came back that night and told me that Paul said 'Not just yet', that he wanted to make sure you were safe, that he wanted to make it special for you. I was there seven days later when you came back from the weekend with him, your face glowing so bright. I was there when he pinned you. I was there the next fall when you came back to the dorm after 'playing house' for a week. Your happiness was overwhelming.

"And I was there when he left for New Haven. I was there through countless nights of crying. I was there wondering if you would survive, making sure that you kept up your grades. And I was there on graduation day, when those flowers arrived and I saw how your face lit up again for the first time in a year.

"CJ, I see you happy now the way you were happy then. Intellectually, I know you were happy with Danny, but I never **SAW**."

"Alex, do you think that everything happens for a reason?" CJ asked. "Paul says that God has no real plans, He presents us with possibilities, that there is almost always more than one."

"You mean, what if Paul hadn't wanted to be a minister?"

"Or what if he had been accepted here? What if I said, 'Yes, I will transfer to Yale' when he asked?" CJ wondered. "Or applied to grad school there? What if I hadn't listened to his mother that Christmas, when she told me to leave him alone? What if I had called as soon as I got the flowers and he had been home?"

"And the big if. What if you had been pregnant that November? You'd be like me, with several grown kids and even some grand kids," Alex laughed.

"I'm not sure about the several," CJ said, remembering that Alicia had miscarried twice after the twins. "And what about the rest of it? Working for Jed Bartlet, the finest president this country has had. 'Road to a Better World'. The Nobel. For that matter, what about Danny, what about Paddy, and Caitlin? What about Alicia, what about Derrick and Deborah?"

"_There was someone else for me if I hadn't met Paul," Alicia told Helen Santos as they watched the pool tournament. _

"_If I hadn't met Matt, there was a teacher in San Anselmo," the former First Lady replied._

"_But no one else for me," Danny said. "Brianna and CJ – those were my possibilities. "I would have died a lonely bachelor, with no kids."_

It gave Derrick pause. What if his father had married CJ? What if his parents had never met, married, and conceived him and Deborah? Would he (Derrick knew intuitively that his soul was male) have been born? What would he be doing? Would he be American or something else? Would he have had the opportunities with which he had been blessed – two loving parents, the education, the closeness with a twin sister? Would he still be black?

In any event, Derrick decided to not make his presence known and quietly slipped back into the kitchen, sitting at the table with his coffee.

**July 16; 7:30 PM : south of Salinas, CA**

Derrick reached over and changed the channel on his car stereo. Now that the game was over, he wanted music, not the call-in show with the unending coterie of fans who felt they could manage better than the man the Giants hired to do the job. In two hours, give or take, he would be home. Natasha had called while he was driving through San Jose. She would be back on Thursday and he made note of her arrival time.

It had been a very interesting, educational, (and somewhat disturbing) two weeks. His inadvertent eavesdropping had given him food for thought.

He also decided that he would reacquaint himself with the _Song of Solomon_ before Thursday, just in case.


	26. Memories

**Memories of the Way We Were, of the Way We Are**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating PG – allusions to sexual activity

Warning – some references to disturbing images

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

"The Way We Were" by Alan and Marilyn Bergman, Marvin Hamlisch © 1973

"Everlasting Love" by Buzz Cason and Mac Gayden © 1967

"Love the One You're With" by Stephen Stills © 1970

As usual, the paragraphs in italics take place in heaven.

The paragraphs in bold italic take place in another alternate universe.

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

**August 2, 2017; the Scottish Highlands**

Sighing, Paul Reeves closed his book. He had been on the same page for the last ten minutes. The rain had almost stopped and the grey sky had lightened from dark to medium, with the promise of turning even paler. The forecast was for clearing by evening, with the prediction of beautiful weather for tomorrow and the wedding of Aisling MacDonald and Brian Stewart.

A bright flash of red flashed across his peripheral vision and he turned to the movement. Aisling was walking out of the woods and toward the manor. A second swath of scarlet on her left shoulder indicated that Ash was carrying Caitlin in her arms.

Paul stood up as Aisling reached the steps that led up to the stone porch, successfully hiding the anxiety inside. Caitlin squirmed in her cousin's arms and spoke into Aisling's ear. When the taller redhead set the littler one on her feet, the almost five year old climbed up to the porch as fast as she could, ran up to Paul, wrapped her arms around his thighs, and hugged them tightly. Paul immediately lifted his daughter and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I love you, Papa," she mumbled against his neck.

By the time Paul finished telling the child that he loved her too, she was asleep in his arms.

"Thank you," Paul spoke softly as Aisling reached the porch. "You have enough to deal with for tomorrow; you shouldn't have to deal with these kinds of things as well. I'm so sorry we had to impose on you."

"Bosh!" Aisling laughed. "Caitlin is my goddaughter. I made a promise to Uncle Danny to be there for her, no matter what. And as for the wedding, it's on auto-pilot. And whatever isn't, my mother and the other women, MacDonald and Stewart, will handle."

"I must say that you are the calmest bride I've seen, and over the years, I've seen more than I can count at the moment. You aren't concerned about anything? Your dress? The flowers? The cake? The weather?"

"Brian's here, the priest is here, our friends and family are here. The important thing is that we make our promises to God and each other in front of those we love. The rest of it is just trimming.

"And, Paul, what you and Aunt CJ were concerned about, it's nothing toxic. Caitlin just happens to have an overactive imagination. She heard some of the older boys one-upping each other, seeing who could tell the most gruesome story of dastardly English depravity against brave Scottish warriors and fair Highland damsels. It was kind of like sleep-walking. Of course, I'm newly minted as a psychologist, so if you do decide to have a professional talk with your daughter when you get back to Berkeley, I won't feel offended," Aisling finished with a smile. "Now, I'll leave you with her; I need to go calm down my mother and see if Fiona needs anything." It was the truth, Aisling told herself. The boys **had been** telling scary stories around a campfire the night before last. Caitlin **was** there.

It just wasn't the whole truth.

Paul sat down carefully, not wanting to disturb the still-sleeping Caitlin. It had been a very stressful twenty-four hours.

**August 1, 2017; late afternoon**

"CJ, sweetheart, are you sure you're on board with this? We can talk about it more," Paul told his wife. Actually, he wanted to put the unpleasant duty behind him as soon as possible, but he needed to consider his wife's feelings.

"With giving her one more chance to tell the truth and if she doesn't, spank her without the admission? I know it's what has to be done, although it would be better if she admitted that she lied," CJ answered. "But Paul, I'm more concerned about why she did what she did. Is it symptomatic of serious problems, will she go from a doll to a dog to a person? You hear about these psychotics who started as kids that way," CJ looked up at Paul, fear and worry reflected on her face.

Paul was concerned and worried also, but there wasn't all that much that the two of them could do right now, with the Irish Sea, Ireland, the Atlantic Ocean, and the continental United States between them and their doctors. Any professional analysis would have to wait until they returned home.

But dealing with Caitlin's transgression needed to be done now.

Paul pulled CJ to her feet and kissed her forehead.

"Let's go give her one more chance to not blame this on her imaginary friend."

"Have we even figured out if this `Urksus' is a boy or a girl?"

"Does it matter?" Paul asked with a light laugh.

"It's just a strange name."

An hour ago, little Ciara Collins had come into the manor crying her heart out, holding the pieces of her doll. The toy's head, arms, and legs had been broken off the trunk of the doll. Between sobs, Ciara told her father Brendan that Caitlin had "hurt Barbie".

Paul looked up as Paddy came into the room and silently asked the question. The miserable look on his son's face gave Paul the answer.

"She did it, Papa. It was so fast, I couldn't stop her. Then she ran toward the gazebo."

"We'll get you a new Barbie tomorrow, _a leannan_", Brian murmured to his daughter.

"Why don't we go now?" CJ asked. Of course, she and Paul would pay the cost of replacing the doll (and settle with Caitlin's piggybank when the family returned to the States.)

"There's the rehearsal in two hours and then the Stewart's party," Brian reminded her. "There really isn't time."

"Then CJ will take her tomorrow," Paul said. "In the mean time, Brian, we are so sorry. Sweetheart, let's go find our problem child." Paul sighed to himself as they walked toward the garden structure. He had hoped that there would be time before the evening party to find out what had caused CJ to go ballistic earlier in the day. Now that would have to wait until bedtime, and would probably affect the pleasant end to the day that he was anticipating.

Back in their bedroom, Paul and CJ gave Caitlin several chances to tell the truth about the incident. They even told her that Paddy confirmed Ciara's accusation.

But Caitlin refused to change her story, merely restating that someone else had done it. ("This is the first time she's ever said anything about a `special friend'. I wonder how long he, or she, has been in the picture," CJ mused.) So, leaving the little girl, Paul and CJ went into the bathroom to discuss the situation. "Compensatory and punitive damages" would have to wait for a week or so, but Caitlin was old enough to know that lying was not tolerated in the Reeves household and was old enough to pay the price.

"Little girls don't think like little boys."

Paul remembered hearing that statement from Frank Muñoz back in late September of '13. It was after he and CJ had announced their engagement to the block in Santa Monica and everyone was gathered at the Muñoz house to enjoy the early autumn afternoon. The men were on the deck, commiserating with Li Wei, who had found himself in the unenviable position of having to spank little Mei-ling.

"You have to do it, but it changes your relationship forever. You're still the most important man in her life, at least for a few more years," Pete Dieliczko mused, "but it's different. That complete trust is gone. It's always in the back of her mind, that she has to be careful around you, has to follow your rules. Maybe it's a good thing; maybe it's the first step to learning how to deal with men in general."

"I want to call it a loss of innocence, but that's not really the proper way to express it. I'm at a loss for the right words, and for a lawyer to admit that," Ken Robbins laughed.

"It **is** a loss of innocence. It's like Genesis," Joel Feldman offered. "Eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil."

"Original sin? The reason for all our misery?" Frank asked. "How is it like that?"

"We Jews don't interpret it that way," Joel replied. "It's more of humanity becoming cognizant of morality, of ethics."

"In any event," Frank said, "it's a traumatic experience. The boys, you do it, you reinforce verbally what you want them to learn from it and why, and it's over. The girls need time to deal with it, to sort out feelings of hurt, anger, bruised pride. A little girl is a complicated creature-"

"And a grown woman isn't?" Billy Rogers interjected.

After the laughter died down, Frank continued, "Two months ago, we had to ground Carmen for a week and she actually asked to be spanked instead. Apparently one of her classmate's parents gives the child a choice, would you believe? I was flabbergasted. Luckily, Diana told her that **we **made those decisions, not her."

"Jill tried to pull that on me about five years ago," Ken added. "I called her bluff, told her that her punishment would last two weeks. Now, if rather than being grounded for that time, she would prefer two spankings a day for fourteen days – well, her face turned grey and she said grounding would be fine."

Throughout the conversation, Paul had nodded in agreement. It was the same in his experience. Derrick, and then Paddy, had been able to absorb the lesson painfully learned in a matter of minutes and then go on, any injury to their male pride fading as quickly as the discomfort on their butts. Deborah, on the other hand, would glower, when dismissed, go to her room and brood for a while before coming out and shyly letting her father know that just as he had forgiven her, she had forgiven him.

However, Paul had not joined in the conversation as one by one, the other men offered support to Li, often with examples from their own families. For one reason, Paul felt a little less than comfortable with the men, realizing that for so many years, Danny was a vital member of the club, as it were, and he did not want to give the impression of poaching on Danny's legacy. For another, he was not sure he wanted to discuss his own use of physical discipline with these men, that the subject was best kept between the child and himself, and of course, Alicia. However, Paul did recognize that the men were supporting each other, helping each other to deal with the harder aspects of being fathers.

So between his own experience and that of other men, Paul was prepared, after smacking Caitlin's little backside twice, to hear theatrical cries and see theatrical tears, to be given a look designed to instill guilt inside him, to be told that "he was the worst Papa in the whole wide world", that she would never speak to him again, and for her to run off to some place to lick her wounded psyche in private.

However, Caitlin had done none of those things, only calmly asking permission to be excused. But the look in her eyes iced his heart. It was a look of resignation combined with abject terror. It was a look he had seen before in the eyes of women who were victims of domestic abuse, the ones who felt powerless to remedy their situation. As Caitlin left for the room in which she was sleeping, Paul was struck by the sense that he was watching an old woman with years of sorrow in her past and not a little girl who would not be five until three months had passed.

CJ reassured Paul that their daughter was just being moody and he was able to put the situation in the back of his mind when they went to the Stewart party.

When they returned from the event, the babysitters that Erin had arranged for the children told them that Caitlin had not left her room, had not come down for dinner. ("I left her an apple, some crackers, and some water, but she didn't touch them.") Paul checked on the girls while CJ went to the room Paddy was sharing with about five other young boys. Dansha stirred when kissed and sleepily reached up to give a half hug in return. With Caitlin, her eyes opened, a flash of recognition followed, and then she turned her back toward him. Paul stroked the little red curls, his heart twinging as she flinched.

"God keep you safe, Kitty-Cat. Papa loves you."

"You're not my real father."

"_Ah, but lovey, **I** am, and I understand, because Ash explained everything to me before I came here, and They elaborated once I got here. Believe me, had I not died, I would not have understood, and I would have done the same thing. Your Papa loves you as much as I do, and he's taking wonderful care of you. Please don't hurt him by telling him he's not your father, because he is, as much as I am."_

Earlier in the day, Paul had steeled himself against the possibility of hearing that sentence and had been prepared for it. Now, not so much.

CJ had read what happened in his eyes and went into comfort-giver mode. She was the initiator in the evening's love-making, but did so in a way that provided solace rather than a sense of being dominated (or pitied).

**August 2, 2017; present time**

This morning, when Caitlin still wanted to stay in her room, their unease grew into anxiety. In addition to worrying about what was going on in the little girl's mind, Caitlin, along with Dansha, Ciara, and five other little MacDonald and Stewart girls, were to be Ash's bridal party tomorrow. Fiona, of course, would be her sister's matron of honor, but Fiona, who was six months pregnant, was suffering some minor complications; she would be at the altar in a wheelchair rather than proceeding Aisling and Robin down the aisle. CJ was sick with worry that Caitlin would spoil the occasion for the niece who had meant so much to her first husband.

"Let me go talk with her," Aisling had volunteered. Three minutes later, she returned to the dining room, made some toast and bacon sandwiches, and told them what she and Caitlin were going for a walk in the woods.

So CJ went off with Ciara to replace "Chainsaw Barbie", as Derrick had referred to the victim, Paddy went to play soccer ("football", the other boys insisted), and Derrick joined Brendan, Brian, and Brian's cousins and friends on the links. Paul and Dansha kept Fiona company until she wheeled herself away for a nap. After putting his youngest down for her nap, Paul had come outside to read.

So now Paul sat, waiting for his daughter and her godmother, waiting for his wife. He had expected that Paddy might get into a few scrapes, being with a new set of boys, most of whom just happened to be one to three years older, and the eight year-old did go along with most of the escapades. Of course, they were rather benign things – teasing the girls with frogs and garter snakes, "borrowing" one of Brian's cousin's Playboy and ogling the pictures, that sort of thing. And when confronted, not once did Paddy lie about what he did. The only somewhat serious things, things that Paul felt needed to be "discussed" at length, were the smoking incident, the whiskey experiment, the "birds and bees" information that Brian's twelve year old nephew decided to share with the other boys, and the "jerk off" and "pissing" contests. The only issue on which some of the parents differed was the skinny-dipping, which Paul and CJ laughed off, but two of the couples felt was "the first step on the road to homosexuality". There would (so far) be no punitive damages and only one compensatory penalty – the replacement of a rather expensive Waterford whiskey decanter that was broken, plus value of contents – to be assessed on Paddy's piggybank when they returned to Kensington.

The sound of a car backfiring startled Paul and he looked up to see CJ and Ciara getting out of a lime green Morris Minor.

"Thanks for the ride, Shona. I don't think I could have managed on the wrong side of the road."

"Sure, `tis the right side ye mean, Mrs. Reeves," came the laughing reply from the driver. "I was glad ta do it. Enjoy yer dollie, Ciara."

The little girl ran up the stairs to the terrace, eager to show Paul her replacement Barbie. However, Ciara pulled back and clutched the toy to her chest when she saw Caitlin in Paul's arms. "Stay away!" Ciara cried as Caitlin stirred.

"Ciara, I'm sorry I hurt your Barbie. It was very bad of me and I'll never do it again." Caitlin crawled off Paul's lap and stood before the other little girl.

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart."

"Okay. Let's go get biscuits, I mean cookies." The American kids had different words for some things.

"Everything's okay between you and Caitlin?" CJ asked as she sat down next to Paul.

"Thanks to Ash."

"I'm glad that all the hassles are settled," CJ replied as she leaned against her husband's shoulder, "and we can go on in relative peace."

"Sweetheart," Paul said as he absent-mindedly played with a strand of CJ's hair, "could we talk about yesterday? In the car?"

Yesterday morning, the Reeves family had arisen early and driven over to Loch Ness. Derrick had apparently made the adjustment to driving on the left side of the road with no problem. ("It's because I'm young and have more of my brain cells, Dad.") On the way back to the manor, when Paul commented that Derrick had missed a turn, the young lawyer told them that he had a surprise for the group.

"Brian told me about this place, told me I had to bring all of you to see it."

Fifteen minutes later, he parked the car at the shore of a little lake in the middle of a wooded glen.

"There's an island!" Paddy exclaimed, "and a castle! And a boat! Can we go over and see it?"

"Of course," Derrick replied, "it belongs to Brian's mother's second cousin, but it's MacDonald prop-".

"No!" CJ cried out. "We can't!"

"Of course we can, CJ. Brian cleared it. Doesn't the idea fascinate you? And look at the girls' faces; it's their fairy-tale dream come true."

"We need to get back, I need to get back, Derrick," CJ answered, her voice more urgent than before. "I have to help Erin with the centerpieces. You all can come back, after lunch."

"Sweetheart," Paul chimed in, "it seems a shame to have to double back, what with the price of gas-".

"God dammit,Paul!" CJ yelled. "Am I so fucking hard to understand?"

There wasn't a sound in the car as Derrick shifted into gear; there wasn't a sound in the car as the family drove back to the manor.

Once there, CJ got pulled into the centerpiece-making bee. Derrick talked to the cook, who gave him some sandwiches and fruit, and the rest of them returned to the little lake with its little island in the center.

It was indeed an enchanting place. The house was not a castle, of course, but it did have a turret, a balcony, and other stone features that made it seem so to two little girls.

Derrick found the key where Brian said it would be and the five of them explored the exquisite little dwelling, which combined medieval features such as leaded glass windows, window seats, a small library, and tapestry hangings, with modern conveniences – a hot tub, heated swimming pool, modern bathrooms and kitchen. Before going back to shore, Derrick and Paul rowed around the island and the children delighted at the deer and rabbits that came to the edge of the island to see the visitors.

When they returned to the manor, CJ and Erin were still involved in preparing for the reception. Paddy went off to play with the other boys and Derrick walked down to the pub to join the other young adults. Leaving Caitlin with Fiona and Ciara, Paul took a sleepy Dansha upstairs for a nap.

Then, relative hell broke loose.

Between the Barbie incident and its aftereffects and the Stewart party after the wedding rehearsal, there had been no time to bring up the incident in the car. And after the party, Paul had been too upset to consider finding out why CJ had reacted so vehemently to an excursion to the island.

But now, the other issues had been resolved.

"CJ?" Paul asked again, as she just turned to face him and looked at him with a look of disbelief. Then it dawned on her; he had forgotten.

"Danny and I. Our honeymoon."

Recognition first, then regret.

"Oh, sweetheart, I am so sorry. It totally slipped my mind. I must be growing old. Please forgive me."

He pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head.

"The thing is, I had thought about asking Erin or Robin to take me over there, by myself. If you don't mind. I think I was just unprepared yesterday; I had no idea what Derrick had planned. I need to apologize to him, explain."

"Why don't you let me tell him?", Paul kissed her temple. "Of course I don't mind. I understand." And of course he did; he understood the same way that she understood that the two of them would never vacation on Bermuda.

"You're having a good time, Paul? All things considered? Being with Danny's family, and his adopted family, is okay with you?"

"I'm having a wonderful time. This place is very restful, sweetheart, and the various and sundry MacDonald's and Stewart's have been wonderfully gracious hosts. Except for having to be Caitlin's father instead of her papa, and my concern about you yesterday, it's been perfect."

"It's a shame we can't spend more time, now that we're over here. There's so much to see – Edinburgh, London, Dublin, over to Paris or Deauville," CJ sighed.

"Unfortunately, the kids would need to be about ten years older to make it work. We've been lucky to have Derrick with us, giving us one adult per child. He really needs to start spending less time with us. I know Paddy adores him, but Derrick has his own life to live."

"It's good that there are so many other boys Paddy's age gathered for the wedding. Your son fits into Brian's group so easily; I'm glad he's able to spend time with them."

"I'm not sure if all the guys are happy. Quite a few of the young women have gone out of their way to make my son feel welcome," Paul laughed.

"You think Derrick is, ah, sampling, more than the local fermented beverages?"

"Is that what they're calling it these days? Not a chance. There's only one woman for my son, and she's in San Luis Obispo. But he can't help being unfailingly attentive and considerate of any young woman."

"Takes after his father," CJ said, pulling back to smile at her man. "Hopefully, tonight should be quiet, at least for us. Brian and the guys in one pub for his stag party, Ash and her friends at another for the hen party."

"And us old fogeys?"

"Over at Angus' place."

**Later that evening; home of Angus MacDonald**

"Nae. It doesn't get any easier. Giving away a lass is hard whether she's yer first daughter or yer fifth."

CJ smiled as she heard old Angus MacDonald pontificating. The man must be over ninety by now. He had turned over the day-to-day financial operations of the family distillery to one of his grandsons, a graduate of the Wharton School, and the production and blending of the actual product to Aisling, but Angus still lived in the old house where Brianna MacDonald Ogilvie (later Stewart) had taught Danny everything a young man needed to know about pleasuring and pleasing a woman.

"Excuse me," CJ made her presence known before entering the old library, then walked up to Paul.

"Erin's heading back and I'm a little tired and I've got just the bit of a headache, so I'm going with her."

Paul moved as if to get up.

"I'll take you home, sweetheart."

"No, it's fine. You stay and enjoy yourself."

"You're just tired? It's not one of your killer headaches?" Paul asked.

"Just tired and a little achy. Probably the caffeinated coffee and subsequent withdrawal. It's been an exhausting day," CJ replied. Then she bent down to speak softly into Paul's ear. "But when you do get back, if you want, be sure to wake me." After almost four years of marriage (and two years together back in the early `80's), CJ knew that her husband would want to make love with her, a) because of his natural libido level and b) because his male psyche needed to reassert itself after her taking the lead the previous night.

"We'll see," Paul smiled. "And if you're sure you don't want me to take you -".

CJ was sure. It was obvious that he was enjoying the companionship of the group in Angus' library. The lamps gave a gentle glow to the room whose walls consisted of old oak bookcases. The furniture and the rugs were worn but comfortable. The windows were thrown open to the warm high summer night. The nine men, ranging in age from late 40's to Angus' nonage, were sipping a very special, very old product of the distillery. Angus and two of the other older men were smoking pipes, and the smell of their tobacco teased pleasantly at CJ's nostrils, so unlike the putrid odor of cigarettes. It was male bonding and companionship at its best, and the men in the room were enjoying their comforts and conversation as much as, if not more, than the groom and the younger men at the pub down the lane were enjoying their pints, their whiskey, and their other amusements.

Once she reached the manor, CJ checked on her daughters, (both sleeping peacefully), adjusting the covers over the two little girls. CJ peeked into the room where Paddy and the other boys were bedding down, resisting the urge to go over to the air mattress which held her son. God forbid one of the other lads should wake up to see Paddy's mom treating him like a baby!

She popped a couple of Tylenol, changed into a nightgown, and crawled into bed. After tossing for about ten minutes, she got up, switched the nightgown for one of Paul's used T-shirts, and, with the familiar scent of her husband about her, quickly fell asleep.

**August 3; 6:30 AM**

CJ made her way downstairs, drawn to the smell of coffee and bacon coming from the kitchen. When she woke up twenty minutes ago, she realized that when Paul had returned, he had merely gathered her into his arms and had chosen not to arouse her (in both senses of the word), although the pleasant firmness nestled against her stomach indicated that he had probably wanted to do so.

Wide awake, she carefully extracted herself from Paul's embrace, quietly gathered clothing, and used the bathroom.

When CJ reached the kitchen, she was surprised to see Derrick at the table. Either the stag party broke up relatively early, Derrick had left the pub relatively early, or Derrick had unusual stamina and/or recovery powers.

"Hey, CJ. The cook is waiting for a few more folks to wake up before setting up in the dining room. Let me get you some coffee."

"I'll get it. Would you like a refill?" CJ reached for Derrick's mug.

CJ knew that Paul had said he would talk with Derrick about the incident at the island, but CJ felt the need to explain and apologize.

"About the day before yesterday; I'm so sorry I -".

"There's no need, CJ. I completely understand. The place is special to you and going back there would be much too painful," Derrick said to his stepmother.

"Actually, I want to go back, but I need to be by myself," CJ said. "The memories are too happy to share with anyone else. I'm hoping that Erin or Robin might be able to drive me over this morning, drop me off, if there isn't too much hoopla left before the ceremony." The wedding was scheduled for 5:30.

"I'll take you. In fact, if you want, we can go now."

"Derrick, I don't want to bother you with - ".

"Nonsense." (And CJ was struck by how much he said that word, have laughing and half scolding, exactly the way his father did). "It's absolutely no bother at all. The other guys aren't going to be up for several hours. And who's going to row you over? I'll take my book; I can read at the dock as well as here. You go write Dad a note; he and Robin got back about the same time we did, so I'm sure he'll be out for a couple of hours, too. I'll get a thermos from the cook and maybe make some bacon sandwiches. Scoot."

Thirty-five minutes later, CJ climbed the set of steps from the boat dock on the island and meandered through the tidy little gardens surrounding the little house. She leaned against the wide old maple, her hand resting on the low branch that ten years ago had been just the right height for her to brace against while Danny raised her skirt and lowered his jeans. She idly threw a few pebbles in the little pool that, unfortunately, was just about three inches too shallow for amorous activity. She picked a few daisies from the patch where she had woven little flowered hoops and draped them on her new husband's convenient little _("Hey, what do you mean, little?")_ post.

CJ walked into the wooded area beyond the gardens. She stopped and sat on a log in one spot she remembered quite well. She and Danny had been walking in the woods when a little bit of precipitation began to fall – heavier than a mist, lighter than a drizzle. There was a grassy circle, surrounded by trees. The branches formed a canopy that the light droplets couldn't penetrate. Danny looked at CJ, smiled at CJ, and undressed first himself and then her. He pulled her down to the grass, lying on his back and pulling her over his groin. Afterward, when she lay with her head on his chest, he gently rolled her onto her back and just stared into her eyes. When offered a penny for his thoughts, Danny just continued to smile, reached down, and smoothed the hair from her face.

"_I was afraid to tell you, afraid to jinx it, my darling. I was thinking that if you weren't already pregnant, I was hoping that you would conceive our first child in that magical moment."_

CJ walked back to the garden, around to the other side, to the pool and the Jacuzzi. They, too, held special memories of their first days as husband and wife, so thankful that fate, or God, had brought them together after eight years of dancing close and pulling away.

"_It's a good thing that sperm is so fragile. If it weren't, if it could survive chlorinated, heated water, when Fiona and her classmates came over to use the house the week after we left for Dubai, well, there'd be a lot more little red-headed nine year-olds in counties Clare and Galway today." _

CJ found the key and went inside the house. She climbed the steps to the second story and found the room where she and Danny spent their nights in the comfy old feather bed, the bed where she was called "Mrs. Concannon" more times in those ten days then she was during the next ten months.

"_I know I said it didn't matter, but, Jeannie, when you said you would take my name, my heart swelled one hundred times."_

"Ah, Danny, Danny, Danny," CJ sighed. "I don't know how the psychiatrists would rate the degree to which I am sane, but somehow I manage to be two people inside this middle-aged body. I miss you so much and yet I am so happy with Paul. I love you, Danny, I will always love you. I see your face every day in Caitlin and hear your voice every day in Paddy. We were so happy. Knowing what I now know, I wish I had left the White House during that second year. All of it, Chief of Staff, `Road to a Better World', the Nobel, I'd give it all up in a heartbeat if I could have had the chance for seven more years with you."

"_CJ, be grateful for what we did have. Watch over our children for me. Caitlin is special, she'll need help until she understands. And Paddy; make sure my son grows to be a good man. You have wonderful help in Paul and Derrick for that. And sweet, precious Dansha; she'll bring nothing but joy to you and Paul. And about having two people inside you – I understand completely because I have the same feeling up here. I love our kids here as much as our two still with you. I love Alicia. You know, that's the first time I've said it aloud, but it's true. And I love Leslie and Theo. Now, it's time for you to go back, to celebrate my niece's wedding. Kiss her for me. Now let me kiss you."_

It was as if a faint breeze came through the room, although all the windows and the doors were shut. It rustled across her mouth.

It was time to get back. Paul and the children were surely up by now. She left the little house, locked up, and walked back to the boat dock, still carrying the daisies she had picked from the garden.

Derrick was sitting on the dock, leaning up against the railing. He looked up at the sound of her approach, closed his book, and got into the boat before helping her into the craft. They were silent as he rowed to back across the lake. CJ brushed at the tears that escaped her eyes.

They reached the other shore. Derrick tied the boat to the pier and started to stand when CJ stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Derrick, I love your father. Whatever this," she pointed over to the island, then to the tear stains on her cheeks, "may indicate to the contrary, he has made me so unbelievably happy these past four years."

"You don't think I know that, CJ? You don't think I see how happy **you** have made **him**? Not that he was sad, at least not after he came back from Indonesia, but now, he's the man I remember from before Mom got sick. Caitlin and Paddy, not to mention that enchanting creature the two of you created, are good for him. But you, CJ, you've revived his soul. If I know my father, he thanks God every morning and every night for bringing you back into his life."

"I know. And I offer the same thanks. There are even times when I wish I could go back to that second year at Berkeley, to tell him that I would apply to Yale for grad school, that I would follow him wherever. We could have had so many happy years together."

_When CJ left the house, Danny returned to Rainbow Bridge, where Alicia was passing out sandwiches, fruit, and sodas to the children and to Pistol. Danny reached down and brushed his lips across Alicia's forehead as she looked up and put her palm against the side of his face. He did not hear CJ make a statement about redoing the past with Paul not a quarter hour after making a similar statement with regard to him. Had he heard it, he would have understood._

"But then, where would Paddy and Caitlin be, where would Deborah be, and, because it's all about me -". Laughing, Derrick left the sentence unfinished. He climbed out of the rowboat and then helped CJ to the pier.

By the time CJ and Derrick returned to the manor, Paul and the kids were up and eating breakfast.

"You're okay?" Paul asked CJ as she sat down beside him.

"Yeah," she replied with a smile and a quick squeeze on his hand. Then, leaning close to him, "You didn't wake me last night?"

"You were sleeping so peacefully, sweetheart," Paul whispered back. "And, much as I'd rather not, I am capable of doing without for one night."

"Are you trying to tell me I'm not irresistible? I'm afraid the slight bruise on my stomach begs to differ."

My god, CJ thought to herself, I actually made him blush. She looked up hastily, to see if anyone else was paying attention to them, and caught Derrick quickly looking away.

"Hey, kids, why don't we go over to Angus' house and look at the puppies?" Derrick asked.

Dansha and Caitlin clapped their hands while Paddy explained that he would like to go to Angus', but he would be with the other boys playing "Highlanders and Englishmen".

"What about Mama and Papa?" Caitlin asked.

"Oh, I think they have something to do here."

**5:35 PM; home of The MacDonald**

It hit Paul so hard because he wasn't expecting it.

This wedding was nothing like his and Alicia's. Where Alicia had been dressed in icy, virginal white satin and lace, with a full train, the light airy cotton of Aisling's dress was the warm color of the marvelous butter that the cook made fresh each morning from cream that had settled out of milk that had been taken from the cows two days earlier. (The kids were fascinated as the woman explained "Ye just put the cream in the blender and let it whirl away and then add ice water. Of course, me mother used a hand churn, but this is so much easier, and faster.") While Alicia had carried a huge cascade of calla lilies, Aisling carried a nosegay of field flowers, including some daisies that CJ gave her this morning. Alicia's upswept hair and face had been covered in netting trimmed with lace that matched that of the dress, the veiling extending to her hips. Aisling's red tresses fell in uncovered profusion about her face and to her shoulders, crowned by a wreath of the same field flowers that were in her hands.

This wedding was nothing like his and Alicia's. Paul, his brother, and his groomsmen and ushers wore identical inky black tuxedos with identical shirts, studs, cufflinks, ties, shoes, and socks. (Bernice would not let Alex wear his military formal dress. Paul wouldn't have put it past Alicia's mother to make sure that even their boxer shorts matched.) Brian and his mates were in formal jackets and shirts, to be sure, but the sett of their kilts differed according to the clans to which the men belonged. Over half of them were either Stewart or MacDonald, of course, but there were also a few others. Paul knew that some of the young men were surnamed Fraser, that there was a MacKenzie, and also an Ogilvie.

This wedding was nothing like his and Alicia's. Alicia had been attended by her sister and six other young women, again dressed identically in medium rose satin and lace, dyed to match satin heels, flowered headpieces on identical upswept coiffures, pearl clip-on earrings (because two girls didn't have pierced ears), and pantyhose. For the women, Bernice did insist on identical (except for size) brassieres and slips. The eight little girls who preceded Aisling and Robin down the aisle wore white pinafores of varying styles and white sandals, also bought by each child's mother with no dictates from Aisling or Erin. And Bernice would be aghast at the sight of Fiona MacDonald Collins, so big with child that she was as wide as she was tall, sitting in a wheelchair, waiting at the altar in a dress that could truthfully be called a tent.

This wedding was nothing like his and Alicia's. He and Alicia had taken their vows in a very ornate, high Episcopalian church in Princeton. One of Erin's Concannon second cousins, a monsignor who was a personal assistant to the Cardinal Archbishop of Dublin, had pulled strings and the Nuptial Mass was being celebrated outdoors on the grounds of the head of the MacDonald clan.

But in the most important respect, this wedding was everything like his and Alicia's, was everything like his and CJ's, and, Paul was sure, was everything like CJ's and Danny's. The joy in Brian's eyes as Robin escorted his younger daughter to the altar. The glow on Aisling's face, focused squarely on the man waiting for her. The tremble in their voices as they spoke their vows.

"Oh, God, Lissy, it's been eleven years and it still hurts. I love this woman sitting next to me, holding my wrist with one hand and wiping away tears with the other, I love her children and the little girl we made together and named for you and Danny, but I miss you so much. You were so beautiful that day, inside and out, partly because of, and partly in spite of, your mother's ideas and dominant personality. Waiting for you at the altar, before the ceremony, I was so proud of you, so happy, so wanting to prove myself worthy of you, and just a little bit anxious about making the coming evening wonderful for you. And then you appeared with Joe, a vision in lace and satin and net, and I knew everything would be okay. I was so glad that I had respected your wish to keep your promise to your grandmother. And now, our twins are grown, Deborah wedded to a good man and a grandchild on the way, Derrick well on the way to marrying Natasha, even though she doesn't yet know it, and most important, both of them wonderful legacies of their mother. Where did the time go, my darling?"

"_Even up here, I don't have the answer for that, Pauley, I miss you, too. Don't be sad." Alicia brushed her lips across Paul's mouth and then turned to Danny and smiled. "Your niece is a radiant bride."_

_Bernice turned to her mother-in-law. "It's a nice wedding, in its own way. And Erin does look more relaxed than I remember being for Gwenn's wedding and for Alicia's. But what were they thinking with Fiona? I know she's Aisling's sister, but still? A pregnant bridesmaid?"_

_Esther Dawson gave her daughter-in-law a pointed look. "Better the bridesmaid than the bride."_

"_Even after all these years, she won't let me forget," Bernice fumed to herself. She didn't see Esther flinch as her husband swatted her backside_.

"_Give it a rest, woman."_

Suddenly, it was time for Communion and Paul stood up, let his wife precede him down the aisle, and approached the priest with arms folded across his chest. Returning to their seats, the congregation listened to an exquisite _a capella_ rendering of "Panis Angelicus". Then, after Aisling put her flowers at the feet of a statue of the Blessed Virgin, Brian draped a sash made of the Stewart plaid across her left shoulder and under her right arm, and the group was told that the Mass was over and that they should go in peace to serve God and each other. It was time for the recessional.

"Open up your eyes  
Then you'll realize  
Here I stand with my  
Everlasting Love"

"Wow!" CJ exclaimed in a whisper to Paul, "Erin was right; over here the church is much less uptight about things. A lot of parishes wouldn't let you play that at a church wedding."

"Well, I'm sure that Durmiad being involved helped."

_Brianna rested her head on Hugh's shoulder. "Our baby is married," she mused. Hugh Stewart put his arm around his wife and kissed her. "And to a wonderful young woman."_

_Jeremiah Ogilvie stood off to one side. Usually, through ways known only to Them, he was not privy to intimate moments between his wife and her second husband. Apparently, today would be different. He would have to hide his sorrow that he and Brianna never had children of their own. Hearing a sniffle, Jem looked up to see Abbey Bartlet standing by herself. She was usually with Helen Santos. But Helen was standing with Simon Donovan, whispering to the Secret Service agent. _

_What was that old CSNY song?_

"_If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."_

_Abigail Bartlet was an attractive woman. He had best make his move before Percy Fitzwallace made his._

_Smiling, Jem walked over to Abbey. _

"_May I escort you over to Ganymede, to the reception that Padraic and Caitlin are having for their granddaughter?"_

_Danny looked around. About half the crowd, including the kids and Pistol, had already left for the party. It would be a big group, just about everyone except Leo McGarry and Delores Landingham, who had been assigned the task of keeping Wigifortis (the patron saint of unhappily married women) away from the festivities._

"_We should get going," Danny told Alicia._

_Alicia pulled back on Danny's hand._

"_Do you think we have to get to the reception right away?" she asked the redhead._

"_Oh, I think we can be a bit late," Danny smiled in return and turned toward Cassiopeia's Chair._

**August 6, 2017; somewhere over Kansas**

CJ turned to the window seat and smiled. Dansha was coloring in the book that the flight attendant had given to the tot and to Caitlin when they pre-boarded the plane. (Paddy insisted that he and Derrick wait to board "with the big people; I'm not a small child".) The trip had been a success on many levels. She had revisited the place where she and Danny had recreated, as best they could, the Whitsunday Island experience of Maggie Cleary and Ralph de Bricassart "but with room service and housekeeping" without making Paul feel out of place or uncomfortable. She had seen Danny's niece, whom she had first met as a pre-teen and who had provided her and Danny with on-the-job parenting training, grow into a wonderful young woman who married the son of Danny's first love. She had reinforced her memories and added new ones, equally good, to them. And she had deepened her already strong relationship with Derrick.

Paddy looked down at the clouds, thinking that they looked different from on top than they did from below. Being in Scotland was fun. Being with the other boys was fun. He hoped that Derrick didn't mind too much that Paddy spent a lot of time with them. He was glad that he had a good time. He was glad that he knew where to draw the line in going along with the other boys. He had been a little apprehensive about trying the whiskey but went along with the guys; however, he knew that taking money from his father's wallet would be "over the top". He felt sorry for Caitlin, that she didn't listen when he told her what Derrick had told him three years ago – "Never, never, tell them a lie." Hopefully, there was enough in his piggybank to cover the pretty bottle that he broke. He hoped he remembered, the next time he talked to Maggie, to find out if she knew about the things he had learned about, all the things they would want to do with each other when they were grown up and able to get married. When he had asked Papa if he really had to do all that stuff, because some it of sounded really yucky, Papa told him that he wouldn't have to do anything that bothered him; Papa also told him that what might sound yucky now might seem yummy when he was older. He was growing up, Papa told him, but he had quite a way to go, and just because he knew about things like cigarettes, whiskey, making a girl feel good, and letting her make you feel good, it didn't mean that he should act on that knowledge.

Paul stroked the russet curls of the little girl's head as it lay on his thigh. Caitlin slumbered away, her dreams hopefully happy ones. Thanks to Aisling MacDonald Stewart, he and his middle daughter had weathered the uncomfortable but necessary milestone in their relationship. He had promised Danny Concannon to be the best father possible to Danny's children and he was, in his honest opinion, doing a credible job at that task. Caitlin shifted slightly and stretched her legs. When planning the trip, CJ had wanted to book seats in Business class, so they would have more room. ("I know Danny would want us to be comfortable on this trip.") Paul accepted the idea of splurging, but wondered how the other Business class passengers would feel about children, who might be fractious, disturbing the luxury for which **they** had splurged. So they compromised on buying nine seats, three rows, in coach. He, CJ, and the girls had the bulkhead rows, with Derrick and Paddy in the row behind CJ and Dansha. All in all, it was a good trip. He enjoyed Danny's extended, adopted family. He managed to be loving and unthreatened by CJ's memories of her honeymoon with the father of four of her five children, and glad that the two of them had built some memories of their own. He wasn't sure when they would return to Scotland, but he knew that when they did, there would be only happy memories and happy ghosts.

Dansha colored the final little flower and then carefully put her crayons in the box. Looking to her Mama, she saw closed eyes, so Dansha crossed her little legs. She would hold out as long as she could before waking Mama and asking to use the bathroom. Everyone in Scotland told Dansha that she was extraordinarily well-behaved for someone not yet three, whatever that meant. Dansha just knew that it was important to put other people first, and that if you put other people first, things usually worked out for the best for you. No one had ever told her that; it was just something she knew. It was fun being a flower girl at a wedding and she hoped she had another chance to do it again. It wasn't fun watching Papa and Caitlin hurt so much until Aisling fixed things. She had to remember what Paddy and Derrick said about never lying to Mama and Papa. She had to remember, however little sense it made, that if Papa ever had to spank her, it would hurt him more than it would hurt her. Dansha never wanted to hurt Papa; she told herself she would never do anything to make Papa have to spank her.

Derrick extended his legs under the seat in front of him and stretched. CJ had offered Paddy and him the other bulkhead row, but he demurred, knowing that it would be easier to maneuver a child in the extra space. The trip had been enjoyable. There were plenty of other seven to ten year olds to provide companionship for Paddy, and plenty of adults to supervise the children, so he had been free to spend time with Aisling's and Brian's friends. At first, the guys were a little apprehensive of "Aisling's kissing cousin", but once he explained that "there was a special lady back in California" and once the guys saw that although Derrick was unfailingly polite and considerate of the lasses, he did not poach on any of them, taken or not, everything was fine. The Derrick Reeves of two years ago would have behaved differently, would have responded to positive signals from the young women, would have made trips to the chemist for condoms. To be sure, he would have determined, through observation and asking, which of the young women were "involved" before responding. To be sure, he would have done his best to figure out which of the others were emotionally unable to distinguish between having a good time, intimately and non-intimately, from "finding true love". To be sure, he would have avoided the ones who wanted to add "doing it with a black guy" to their list of sexual achievements, while not necessarily avoiding those who were attracted to him as a person but also were having an understandable curiosity. (And to be honest with himself, he would have also wondered if Celtic women were different from American ones.) But now, Derrick was looking forward to getting back to San Luis Obispo to Natasha, and to bringing her back to Kensington in a week for another wedding, one of the guys he shared the house with in Seattle. He was looking forward to that day when he and Natasha would make wedding memories of their own.

Caitlin kept her eyes closed as Papa's hand stroked her head. Once the plane stopped climbing and the nice ladies said it was okay, Papa had lifted the arms between the seats and she curled up against him. When she started getting sleepy, Papa told her to put her head on his leg and to have pleasant dreams, which she did. Now she was awake, but she needed to think by herself. She hoped that keeping her eyes shut wasn't telling a lie. She didn't want to make Papa mad at her again. Things were different now. Aisling had explained it and Caitlin was pretty sure she understood. Papa loved her still, loved her more than anything. Caitlin could, should, trust Papa with her life and beyond. But there were boundaries with any man, even between her and Papa, "even between Brian and me"; Caitlin had to keep that in the back of her mind, wherever that was.

Then Aisling had taken her to see Aunt Sorcha. Aunt Sorcha was real old, maybe even older than Grandpa Joe. Aunt Sorcha told her that the bad memories were only that, that they couldn't hurt her ever again. "Keep remembering that, Caitlin. But if they come again, and are too much, I'm giving you this special little charm. Let's put it on your chain with your cross. It's special, it's magic, but it's special only between you and Aisling and me. If the bad memories become too bad, just hold it and we'll make everything better."

**_Damsis looked into Regni's eyes and tried to smile. Soon they would be together again where no one could keep them apart, where no one could hurt them. In a minute, her pain would start, but hers would be over quickly. His pain, with his intestines spilling out of his split stomach, would last much longer._**

**_  
_****_Then she heard the snort of the five horses as the whip cracked and the ropes tightened._**

Perhaps because she thought about them, the bad memories started to come back, so Caitlin clutched at the little charm engraved with runes.

**Aix-en-Provence, France**

Sorcha MacDonald Lovat looked down at her great-great niece's hair glowing in the sunset light coming through the open doors to the balcony. It was spread out across the dark mat of hair on Brian's chest, the hair that matched that on the pillow and on the day's growth of beard on his face, and that surrounding his flaccid genitalia. Should he wake, he would see his bride in satisfied post-coital slumber at his side, feel happy and just a little smug before falling back to sleep himself.

Sorcha knew that the ability to hear the amulet was more powerful in herself and that what she had heard, Aisling had not yet detected. She decided to keep it from reaching Aisling. The lass was on her honeymoon, after all. And, for now at least, the ultimate power resided in Sorcha.

So Sorcha closed her eyes, whispered words older than time. She felt herself moving through space.


	27. The Brotherhood of the Y Chromosome

**The Brotherhood of the Y Chromosome**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult –

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

**August 23, 2017; Pacific School of Religion, Berkeley, CA; early afternoon**

Paul Reeves picked up the phone on his desk.

"Paul? Colonel Muñoz is here."

"Thanks, Terri. I'll be right out."

As Paul stood up, he wondered again why Frank wanted to meet with him in the office. Two days ago, Paul had received the email from Frank. The Air Force officer would be in Berkeley for the morning to meet with and have lunch with the ROTC detachment commander at the university; Frank wondered if Paul would have time to meet with him. No, Frank didn't want to come to the house for dinner; he had to fly back to Santa Monica that evening and have dinner with Diana's parents. And actually, Frank would prefer that CJ not know about this meeting until after the meeting occurred.

After checking his calendar, Paul had told Frank that he could indeed meet with him and that of course he would respect Frank's confidence. Paul had given Frank directions to his office. After the call was ended, Paul reflected that of course he would want to be of whatever help he could to Frank. Frank and Diana had been very supportive of Paul's role in CJ's life after Danny's death. Paul knew that Danny had been closer to Frank than most of the other men on the block in Santa Monica, perhaps as close as Danny had been to Josh Lyman; he wondered if Danny had confided to Frank, as he had to Josh, that he wanted CJ to marry Paul after Danny passed.

Paul was also curious about what Frank might want to discuss. From what Paul had been able to observe, Frank and Diana had a strong, healthy, loving marriage. But then again, Paul had also thought that his brother Alex and Eve also had such a marriage and look what happened there. Hopefully, there was nothing wrong, health wise, with Frank, Diana, or any of the children. Hopefully, neither of the older kids, Carmen at nineteen or Steve at sixteen, were involved in a teen-aged pregnancy or other issue.

"Frank! Good to see you! Come on back; my office is right here."

Closing the door, Paul offered Frank a seat and asked if the man wanted coffee or a soft drink. Frank commented about the flowers that were sitting in a large soft drink cup.

"No, I haven't done anything wrong, at least so far today, at least as far as I know," Paul laughed. "I just happened to see someone selling them on the street corner when I was out at lunch and decided to buy them."

"Why is it that they appreciate the little five dollar bouquet bought for no reason more than the fifty dollar box of roses on Valentine's Day, a birthday, or an anniversary?"

"The surprise, the fact that we didn't have to do it, the fact that they don't have a Y chromosome, the fact that it shows we care; I could go on and on. So. How may I help you, Frank?"

"It's a little sensitive, and I felt it needed to be discussed man to man, face to face.

"Three nights ago, Carmen came to Diana and me to let us know about a conversation she had with Maggie earlier in the day. Maggie asked her if, and I quote, 'I really have to suck on Paddy's thingie when we grow up?' Well, Carmen pressed her sister, and apparently, when Maggie and Paddy talked last week, Paddy told her, in fairly explicit terms, about several sexual activities, some of which were fairly, ah, outside the norm. Now we had given Maggie some general answers to her questions about where babies come from, but we hadn't expected her to have this kind of detail about sexual activity so soon, and I can't imagine you and CJ giving Paddy such knowledge at this age. Anyway, I thought you should know about it. I know that in this day and age, with so many things being talked about on television, commercials about impotence issues, even the scandals on the nightly news, that kids learn things at an earlier age than we did, but if it were one of my boys at that age, I'd be concerned about where, how, and from whom he learned such things.  
Was it an adult or older boy that might have done more than just talk? So, since I had plans to be here - "

"Well, CJ and I happen to know where, how, and from whom," Paul sighed. "When we were over in Scotland, there were a bunch of Aisling's and Brian's second cousins, boys that were from one to four years older than Paddy. Most of what the kids did was typical boy stuff – teasing the girls, sneaking cigarettes and whiskey, skinny-dipping, playing practical jokes on anyone and everyone. But one of the twelve year-olds had some pretty earthy pictures and some salacious novels, including deSade's 'Justine', that he shared with the others. Paddy went to Derrick, and the two of them came to me. Paddy had the same questions, the same concerns. I explained to him that the things he learned about were reserved to grownups, and even then only if he wanted to do them and if the girl wanted to do them. I also told him not to talk about them with his friends, so I'm surprised that he mentioned them to your daughter and I apologize for that.

"You know," Paul continued, "when I realized that I had fallen in love all over again with CJ, I looked forward to helping her raise her children. I had also fallen in love with them and I figured that having raised Derrick and Deborah, my experience would be a great benefit to parenting Paddy and Caitlin. But things have changed so much in the past decade or so. Eight or ten years ago, when I was adjusting to losing Alicia, I assumed that by this time I would be spoiling grandchildren; now here I am trying to be father to a second family."

"I understand that in a few months, you will be a grandfather," Frank responded. "Although I hope that is something I won't experience for at least four or five years, I congratulate you and wish you many happy times in spoiling him or her."

"That's the bitch of it. With Paddy, Caitlin, and especially Dansha more of an age to be cousins rather than an uncle and aunts, I won't be able to spoil the grandkid and be the firm but fair father to the others. At least for now, Deborah's baby and any future grandkids will have to depend on Joe, Alicia's father, or their other grandparents, for the spoiling."

For the next hour or so, the conversation drifted onto other subjects. Diana was beginning to go through peri-menopause and Paul offered insights from the last few years with CJ. Frank talked about explaining ads for erectile disfunction to one's sons without sounding like a dirty old man and to one's daughters without getting totally embarrassed.

After Frank left, Paul reflected that it was good to discuss being a good husband and father with another man and that as long as you knew exactly how much personal information to share (and not share), as long as you trusted the other man (or men) to not broadcast such information, it really wasn't a violation of confidence. Paul had counseled many men over the years, to be sure, but having such a conversation on a peer to peer level was a luxury he did not often experience. This afternoon and the evening in Angus' study were events to be cherished.

**Late afternoon**

This is another reason to buy your wife flowers for no apparent occasion, Paul thought to himself as he stood in the kitchen, one hand in CJ's hair and the other stroking down from waist to backside. Said wife, upon being given the bouquet "just because I love you", had wrapped her arms around his neck and thoroughly kissed him. Then CJ moved her arms to his waist, rested her head on his shoulder, her lips on his Adam's apple, and slightly lifted her body so that her crotch was nestled against his.

As the two of them stood there, Paul remembered CJ telling him, in those two months before their marriage, that one of the things that caused her to fall in love with him way back when, was the fact that she felt safe and secure in his height and the breadth of his shoulders when he held her. What Paul now realized that what she drew from his larger presence, he drew from her steadfastness. When he held CJ like this, she was his anchor, his mooring post. Her love and her confidence in him gave him the inner strength to fulfill his vocation to God's people, gave him the inner strength to fulfill his perceived role as husband and father, as head of family.

Paul had just begun to wonder if they could manage time to take care of his almost solid arousal when they were interrupted by the squealing voices of their daughters.

"Papa home!" Dansha ran up to him and clung to his right leg.

By the time Paul had knelt down to hug the no way at all "terrible two" year-old, Caitlin had reached him, so Paul extended his other arm to bring the little redhead into his embrace.

"Papa bought flowers! They're so pretty, Mama. You're lucky," Caitlin said.

"They're for all of his girls," CJ said, throwing a smile to her husband. Taking two of the carnations from the bunch, she tucked one behind the ear of each of the little girls. They ran to the bathroom, eager to look at themselves with their flowers.

CJ glanced at Paul's groin and then smiled at her husband. Returning the smile, Paul felt himself start to soften. As usual, the promise of later sex, more convenient sex, passed unspoken between them.

"Paddy?" Paul asked as CJ handed him a glass of iced tea.

"Amy asked if he could come over and visit. Poor Billy is so uncomfortable with his cast; he needs to stay in the air conditioning. I was waiting for you to come home, so I could go get him. We're out of barbeque sauce for the ribs."

"Let me do it," Paul said. "Is there anything else we need?"

"Are you sure you don't mind? You've been at work all day and I haven't."

"But you were at work all day yesterday," Paul reminded CJ. As the new academic year approached, both of them had administrative details to handle, but they wanted the kids, especially Paddy, to have a parent with them for the rest of the summer rather than be shuffled to daycare. "Besides, I'm sure that you have some unnecessary last minute worries about being ready for your nephew and his family." Nelson Cregg, younger brother of Hogan, was attending a conference in Palo Alto. After the meeting ended tomorrow morning, he would be stopping by for a few days, along with his wife Sylvia and their six year-old son, named for his grandfather Mitch.

"Well, then, I appreciate it. Let me make a short list," CJ said. "You're the best,"

"I know," Paul joked, then ducked as CJ threw the piece of paper at him. In truth, it was a blessing; it would give him a chance to talk with Paddy about the things the boy had told Maggie Muñoz.

Walking to his car, Paul checked the list. In addition to barbeque sauce, they needed lemons, limes, and oranges, some paper towels, and a bottle of cranberry juice (Caitlin was having urinary tract issues.) Nothing perishable, so Paul decided to shop first.

After leaving the grocery, Paul headed for the Marshall house, where he pleasantly turned down the offer of a beer from Will, obligingly signed Billy's cast, and claimed his stepson. But instead of heading directly home, he drove to the park a few blocks from the house, and told Paddy they would be taking a walk.

When the two of them reached an unoccupied swing set, Paul claimed one of the swings and told Paddy that the two of them needed to talk.

"A serious discussion? What did I do wrong, Papa?"

"Well, it is kind of serious, but you didn't do anything wrong, maybe just a little unwise," Paul told the boy. "Remember when we talked about what you learned in Scotland?" Paddy's face grew slightly troubled as he nodded his head and Paul reflected, as he did on that afternoon several weeks ago, that while he was the consummate non-violent person, he would love to wring the neck of Colm MacDonald and his dirty little twelve year-old mind. "Didn't I tell you not to mention those things to your friends? Well, your uncle Frank says that you told Maggie about them."

"I thought you meant the other boys at school, Paddy explained. " Maggie's more than a friend; she's my girlfriend. I don't keep **anything** from her, **ever**. Well, except what I'm buying for her birthday or for Christmas. We share, like you and Mama. We sometimes talk about what we'll do when we're grown up and get married. You said that when I'm grown up I might like some of those things, so I wanted to know what she thought about them."

Paul sighed. He didn't want to encourage the possibility of a mature relationship, in a decade or so, between the two eight year-olds, but he knew that even at their age, emotional feelings were real and needed to be treated with delicacy.

"What did she say when you told her?"

"Well, she said that she didn't know if she wanted me to stick my tongue in her pee-pee; her vagina," Paddy quickly corrected when Paul gave him a look, "so it didn't matter if I still felt it was icky when we were bigger. " She did say that sometimes she liked to tickle herself there and if I wanted to do it to her when we were big and married, she would probably like it too."

Paul decided to let that pass for the moment. "Well, apparently, the thought that you might want her to do some of the things to you bothers her, because she asked her sister about it and Carmen talked to her mom and dad. Carmen told them that Maggie cried about some of it.

"Paddy, I don't know whether or not you and Maggie will still want to get married to each other when you're big enough, but whether it's Maggie or someone you haven't even met yet, a gentleman never wants to make his girlfriend or his wife feel uncomfortable. He never makes her do anything related to special touches that she doesn't want to do. And he never wants to make her cry."

"But why didn't she tell me? I'd never want to make her cry or do something she didn't like," Paddy said. "Like I said, we tell each other everything. Well, most of the time. Sometimes she acts like I should just know things without her telling me. Papa, I really like Maggie, but sometimes I think I'll never really understand her."

As the little boy who looked so much like CJ gave Paul a perplexed look and shrugged, Paul tried mightily, but in the end, he just had to break out in a huge, full-throated laugh.

"Paddy, believe me, every guy, me with your Mama, Derrick and Natasha, your uncles, all the men since the beginning of time, feel exactly the same way. Come here," Paul finished, stretching out his arms.

After the two of them exchanged a hug, Paddy pulled back.

"So, am I in trouble? Do I have to pay damages?" Paddy had been saving for the trip to the zoo tomorrow with his cousins and was concerned.

"Well, no, there's nothing you have to do, Paddy, but there might be something you want to do. Remember last week, when Derrick and Natasha were here and they had a little fight?"

"Derrick bought her flowers, to let her know he was sorry. So, I should buy Maggie some flowers?"

"Only if you want to, but I think maybe you should. Buying a woman flowers makes her feel special. We could go to the florist tomorrow and have them call a store in Santa Monica and deliver some to Maggie." Paul decided that if Paddy agreed to his suggestion, Paul would call the florist beforehand. Paul didn't want Paddy to spend more than ten or fifteen of his money, so Paul would arrange for the staff to show Paddy the least expensive floral arrangement available for online purchase, tell the lad that it was the price Paddy wnated to spend, and bill Paul for the difference and for the fees. AS he had told Paddy, this wasn't really a discplinary situation but more of a teaching moment.

"Well, if you think it's a good idea; I know you have more experience, Papa," Paddy said. "I guess I really don't need a whole lot of things at the zoo."

"Well, son, if you do send Maggie flowers, what you get in return will be a lot nicer than the souvenirs you'll see tomorrow. Listen, let's get home. Those ribs won't grill themselves."

As they walked back to the car, Paddy turned again to face his Papa.

"How come, whenever people cook outside, it's always the man that does the cooking? Even Uncle Frank's brother, Mr. Tonio, who's a real chauvnist, Aunt Diana says, and never helps out in the house, he cooks on the grill."

"I don't know, Paddy. It's just something we men do."

When they reached the house, Paddy greeted his mother with a quick kiss and went off to find Jasmine. Paul went outside to start the grill. Caitlin and Dansha asked for permission to go into the kiddie pool.

"In a few minutes, when I come back to start cooking," Paul told them. The children knew that they were not allowed in the water, even the twelve inches in the small blowup pool, without an adult watching them.

CJ was putting away the paper towels on the bottom shelf of the pantry when Paul reentered the kitchen to get the ribs. Looking at her butt, thrust up in the air, Paul understood why many men were compelled to give their women gentle half slaps that ended in caresses on that part of the anatomy. For a second, he was tempted, for the first time in his adult life, to execute such a move.

But he didn't follow through on the urge; like the creamy lace gown lying in a box on the top shelf in the back of their closet, that privilege belonged to Danny. A gentle sweeping up and down, a squeeze, yes; but he would no more give CJ a "love pat" than would CJ call him "Pauley". Some things were reserved for first spouses and smacking CJ's ass, no matter how softly and erotically, was one of them.

"_Yes, it is," Danny reiterated. "And speaking of thrust up backsides." Alicia had dropped one of her pencils and had leaned over to pick it up. _

"_Oh!" Alicia started at the sensation. There was a slight sharpness at the sound of the smack, but it was immediately replaced by a feeling of movement from back to front. When the feeling reached the central core of her, it throbbed and pushed against the folds that shielded it. For the first time, she had doubts about Paul's feelings about the subject. And suddenly, she wanted to feel it again, and to somehow signal that desire to the man who reached down to get the pencil for her. As he handed the pencil to her, Danny smiled his smile. Alicia looked around. The kids, all five of them, were occupied. No one else was in the vicinity. She smiled back. _

_The two of them began to move in circles around each other. And walls began to hide the two of them from view._

Paul could not react with his hand; his lips would have to suffice.

"Sweetheart, I've always loved your fanny; it's perfect."

About an hour later, Paul was tending to the ribs on the grill and giving Paddy his first lessons in that manly art.

"It's very important that you keep the heat low. Ribs are best when brought along slowly." It's the same for a woman, Paul thought to himself. But I think I'll save that lesson for a few more years. You've already been exposed to too much too early.

"Why are you spraying them, Papa?" Paddy asked as Paul spritzed the meat.

"It's vinegar. It helps to seal the outside and to keep the juices inside, to keep the meat moist as it cooks."

"What about the sauce?" came the next question.

"Sauce usually goes on at the very end, right before the ribs are done. Especially if there's any sugar or syrup in the sauce. Sugar burns when it is heated.

"Now this sauce is pretty good, but I put other stuff in it. Some bourbon, some Dijon mustard, some horseradish, and some white wine vinegar. That makes it almost as good as Grandpa Joe's sauce."

"Why don't you just make his sauce? It's real good," Paddy asked.

"Because he won't give me the recipe. It has to be passed down to men with Dawson blood in them. Grandpa Joe has it in his will, to give it to Derrick and to Derrick's cousin Kirk. That's the way Grandpa got it from his father. And they have to promise to keep the secret."

"_Damn straight," Ezra Dawson muttered to no one in particular. Now where did Esther get to? Up here in heaven, everything was like it was when they were young and Ezra wanted to reenact one of those ED commercials._

"Paul?" CJ walked out of the house carrying the cordless landline. "It's Derrick."

"Hey, kid, what's up?" Paul listened for a few seconds and then said "Oh, Jeez, that's horrible!"

Apparently, Derrick talked for a few more minutes.

"Let me call you back. I need to see what I can work out."

Disconnecting the call, Paul turned to CJ who was looking at him with some concern.

"Chet Milligan died earlier today, an innocent bystander in a bank robbery gone bad." Paul stopped, overcome with grief for his old law school classmate, the man who had first hired Derrick for his firm and then had willingly let his son pursue his career with the Hollis Foundation.

"Anyway, the funeral is tomorrow; the family wants to keep the twenty-four hour tradition. Derrick is flying up with Frank Hollis and Jamie Cleveland. He knew I'd want to know, to try to make the funeral if I could."

"You know," CJ mused, "I always wondered why Chet kept the anglicized name for himself, or the firm, for that matter."

"I guess out of tribute to everything his father and his uncle had to go through," Paul answered. "Anyway, what do you think? Could you manage the zoo without me?" The plan had been for Paul, CJ, and the kids to cross over to the city and meet Nelson, Sylvia, and Mitchie at the zoo. CJ would then ride back with Nelson to navigate the way back to Kensington.

"I'm sure that the kids will behave, and we'll be three adults for four kids. If we hadn't made plans to meet them, if it was just us going to the zoo, I'd say cancel, find someone to watch the kids, and I'd go with you. Are you sure you don't mind me driving over there by myself?"

"_**I **__do. But then, it's not my call anymore, is it? However, I still worry."_

Of course I don't mind, I'm not as Neanderthal as Danny was, Paul said to himself. "Of course not, sweetheart. Do you want to take the van? Paddy is tall enough to sit in the front of your car, of course, so it's just what you prefer."

By the time Paul called Derrick to get more details and arrange to meet at the synagogue, the ribs were ready for sauce basting. Shortly after that, CJ brought out the potato salad and green beans that made up the rest of the meal and supper was served.

And shortly after that, the kids were in bed and CJ was able to thank Paul for her flowers in a much more enjoyable way than she was earlier in the day.

**August 24, 2017; home of the late Chet (Chaim) Milligan (Milstein); San Francisco; mid-afternoon**

"Have you tried the herring in wine sauce, Dad?" Derrick handed a plate to his father and took some of the pickled fish. "It's excellent."

Paul held out his plate and Derrick put a forkful of the herring on it. After taking some of the latkes and the kugel, they moved away from the table. Paul noticed that the pastries he had bought that morning from the kosher bakery on Telegraph Avenue (after calling one of his rabbi friends for advice) were almost gone.

Paul had met his son and his companions in front of the synagogue before the service and had driven them to the cemetery and now to the house where Chet's family was sitting shiva. After paying their respects to Chet's widow and the others, they had been told to help themselves to the fish and dairy buffet that had been set up in the dining room of the Nob Hill townhouse.

"Why don't we go outside?" Paul suggested. The townhouse had a small but very nice walled in garden in the back.

"So are you and Mama ready for the new year? And Paddy?"

"CJ and I are as ready as we can be. Paddy, I think, is getting to the age where kids want summer to last forever. Although he does like his classes, especially creative writing. He may look like his mother, but he definitely has Danny's way with words. And you, when you were here last week, you mentioned something about flying over to Kenya soon?"

"That fell through, at least for the immediate future. However, I can't say I'm disappointed. I'd rather stick around town for now."

Something in Derrick's voice raised suspicions in Paul's mind.

"And Natasha? Everything's okay with her?"

The manner in which Derrick's entire face lit up confirmed in Paul's mind that sometime between the day that Derrick and Natasha left Kensington for Big Sur and last night, his son had finally won entry into the French professor's body.

"Yes, it is." Then, because it had been engrained in him since he was five to not lie to his father and because the man might be the best source of advice on the issue, "Well, except for, well, she doesn't, not while - " Derrick stopped, realizing that he was not finding the right words.

Paul sighed. It was more common than most people thought. And given Natasha's history, even understandable. But first, he needed to make sure that Derrick was expending enough effort. The young man had been waiting for over eight months and maybe he was too impatient.

"Are you taking enough time, Derrick? Remember, some women need up to an hour of arousal activity. They also might need to be told exactly what it is they will be feeling when they climax. Some of these romance novels are rather way out there in their descriptions."

"Before and after, she's fine Dad." As usual, Derrick knew that he could talk with his father about anything, "She knows what she wants. The first night I stayed at her place, she showed me the vibrator I was replacing. It's just during that she can't, unless I put my - ". Why was he becoming tongue-tied again?

Paul looked around to ensure that no one else was within earshot before putting his son out of his misery.

"So, you are able to bring her to orgasm with your hand and with your mouth, but not with penile-clitoral contact and friction, except, again, with manual intervention. It may be a matter of finding the right angle, the right movements, the right position. You're lucky, the two of you are still young and limber." Paul remembered the time two months ago when he and CJ tried something rather exotic, but something they had done before. The resulting pinched nerve in his back caused an unusual interruption of three days in their activities.

Paul quickly did some math in his head. "If I can still count, it's been at most a week. It may still be a matter of time. Persevere; don't give up."

Then Paul's voice grew a bit more serious. "There is the possibility of something else. When that bastard was abusing her, she might have, in spite of herself, felt some involuntary pleasure from his invasion of her body and there may be some subconscious guilt over that. But bringing up that is something you would have to be extremely careful of doing. You may have broken through one barrier, but the two of you have much further to go, emotionally. But keep it in the back of your mind.

"And, in the end, there are sex therapists, if necessary. But I would see that as a last resort. I really think that time and practice will solve the issue for you.

"Well, it's a dirty job, but I guess I can manage," Derrick said with a smile.

Frank Hollis came up to the two of them.

"Hey, Derrick, the limo is here to take us back to the airport."

Father and son said their good-byes. Paul mentioned that he was considering coming down to San Luis Obispo for the October board meeting. Gina had offered to come down and stay with the kids anytime he wanted to go with CJ, but he had a conflict with the September meeting date. Derrick told his father that of course, both of them were welcome to stay with him whenever the occasion arose.

Paul called CJ's mobile. The group at the zoo was having a great time, would probably be leaving in about two hours. The only problem was when Sylvia suggested that the kids play with the Shetland ponies; CJ had to take Caitlin somewhere else while Paddy and Dansha went with the others.

As he drove back across the bay, Paul reflected on the conversations of the past twenty-four hours. A woman, no matter her age, was a complicated and fascinating creature; he and his fellow men needed to pool all their knowledge in order to try to understand them, to live with them. Cooperation and sharing did not always come naturally to men; maybe it was the Y chromosome, the testosterone.

But women were worth it and Paul was glad that he had been able to share that knowledge, in age-appropriate language, with his sons and with the man was the father of his possible future daughter-in-law. What was the old saying of the women's rights movement? Sisterhood is powerful. Well, so is brotherhood.


	28. Love Changes Everything

**Love Changes Everything**

CJ/Danny; CJ/ other male character; Danny/other female character

Alternate universe; total fantasy (or is it)

Rating – Teen

Spoilers through end of series; may contain spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Author Note: When I started to formulate the story lines for this chapter, I had no idea how I would tie it all together. Then, last Friday night, I heard this song during the "Celebration of Life" for the late Ted Kennedy and I knew.

_Love Changes Everything_

– Andrew Lloyd Webber, Don Black, Charles Hart © 1989

"Yes, Love,  
Love changes everything:  
Now I tremble  
At your name.  
Nothing in the  
World will ever  
Be the same."

**October 4, 2017; San Luis Obispo, CA; condominium of Derrick Reeves, 7:00 PM**

"Derrick, where's your paprika?"

"Everything should be in the bag, Tasha. Here, let me look."

Derrick reached into the grocery sack on the counter and rummaged through the contents. Pulling out a scrap of paper, he looked at it.

"Honey, you didn't have paprika on the list of ingredients you gave me to buy," he said to his kitchen companion.

"Of course it isn't!" Natasha Montmorency exclaimed. "Paprika's not an ingredient, it's a staple, something you always have, like salt, or coffee, or flour."

"I don't have any flour. I'll run out and get some paprika. Should I get flour also?" Derrick smiled apologetically.

"No, the halibut's ready. It'll dry out if we don't eat now. It'll just have to be – it's well, I just wanted everything to be perfect for your parents."

Sitting in the living room, CJ smiled to herself. Natasha might be in her late twenties and on track for tenure at Cal Poly, but Derrick was her first real romance and CJ knew exactly how the French professor felt. She looked up at her husband, who was also smiling. The two of them had been sitting there in Derrick's living room, ever since Derrick and Natasha had refused their offer of help, listening to the sounds of two people learning to be a couple, an entity.

("Tin foil?"

"In one of those drawers next to the dishwasher. Should I slice the tomatoes?"

"No! Just cut the tops off them; squeeze them gently to get rid of the seeds and pump, or use your finger. Just be careful not to tear into them. Where's your potato peeler?"

"Top drawer, right. I thought we weren't having potatoes?"

"We aren't, it's for the butter."

"You'll have to explain that to me later. I'm going to see if they need more wine."

"Okay. And get another bottle for dinner.")

CJ's memories and those of her husband were not only those of five years ago, as newlyweds, but also those of the days in that little apartment in Berkeley.

"Remember when my folks came out, and how I accidently bought napkins in two different prints, three of one, one of another, at Pier One?" Paul said softly. "I thought you were going to cry."

"Well, I was. It was traumatic enough, meeting them for the first time, hoping they would like me, wondering what Alex had told them about his visit, wondering if I had forgotten to hide anything of mine in the place, since they were staying there, using your room and all."

"Dinner's ready!"

Derrick and Natasha came in, each carrying two plates, which they set on the table in the dining alcove.

"There's no salad, I hope that's okay," Natasha said. "Since we had all the crudités beforehand - ". Her voice trailed off a little uncertainly.

"It's perfectly fine, my dear," Paul quickly reassured Natasha. "This looks marvelous!"

It did, CJ thought. She took in the plates of grilled halibut steak, with a side dollop of what appeared to be _maître d'hotel_ butter, bright green peas with sliced mushrooms and teeny pearl onions, and broiled beefsteak tomatoes that smelled of basil and garlic. "Indeed, it does," she echoed her husband's statement.

The Reeves men seated their ladies and Derrick poured the wine.

"If the fish doesn't taste quite right, it's my fault," Derrick said. "I forgot the paprika."

Natasha blushed and CJ knew the young woman was embarrassed that Derrick called attention to the lack.

"If it's not good, it's not the lack of paprika, Derrick," she said. "The paprika's just for presentation."

"Presentation?"

"A garnish," CJ said, trying to smooth over any anxiety. "You put grated cheese on dark things, you put paprika on light things, parsley along side of things. Unless you're making something German or Hungarian, like a paprikash, you really don't use enough paprika to affect the taste."

"It smells divine. And these plates look lovely, Natasha," Paul added.

Derrick took a closer look at the food in front of him. The fish was covered with grill marks in an attractive criss-cross pattern and the little scoop of butter with bits of green stuff (he supposed that was the parsley – fresh, Natasha insisted –) was sitting on a dark green spinach leaf. Next to the butter were two pieces of lemon, cut in such a way that they spiraled like DNA double helix. The plate next to the basket of warm crusty French bread held at least a dozen little yellow flower-like things and Derrick realized that somehow the butter and the potato peeler produced those curls. In front of each of their plates was a tiny flameless candle and a single red carnation in a little liqueur glass. She really did go to a lot of trouble, Derrick thought to himself. He reached over to squeeze Natasha's hand. "It's lovely," he told her. "Thank you."

After dinner and dessert (individual chocolate and Grand Mariner soufflés that thankfully did not collapse until touched by spoons), Paul and Derrick shooed the women to the living room while the two of them scraped plates and loaded the dishwasher.

"Was it really good, Dad?" Derrick asked in a low voice. "You weren't just saying that to be polite?"

"Didn't you taste anything, boy? It was very good!"

"I guess I was too concerned about messing up the shopping list. A **garnish**!" Derrick whispered to his father. "I was feeling rotten and guilty because of **presentation**!"

"It's important to her, son."

"I know. She's been a wreck all week, why, I don't know. She's known you and Mama for as long as she's known me."

"But now she knows that she's in love with you, Derrick. And for the first time. You've got to reassure her not only that we, the family, will love her because we love you and you love her, but that we will love her in her own right.

"And look at you! Taking the blame because she didn't know that for a bachelor, 'staples' means salt, pepper, beer, and leftover pizza. You're gone off the deep end; you're also in love."

"I've been in love, or at least in lust, before, Dad. Remember Edie Wilson back in ninth grade? And several times since then."

"I know you thought you were in love, and I know that your feelings at the time were real to you, as real as Paddy's are for little Maggie Muñoz, but this is different, and you know it, don't you." Paul watched Derrick's head nod in agreement. "Wait until Thanksgiving; you'll be the one who's a total wreck," Paul laughed. Derrick had already told his parents that he would be going to Arizona for the November holiday.

"I already am. Her uncle and her brother-in-law are into bowling, I mean, leagues and shirts and tournaments and all that. Do you think I should take some lessons? Or would that seem too pushy? They want me to stay at the house; should I do that or get a room?"

_**Antares (star in Scorpio)**_

"_He's got it bad, doesn't he?" Leo laughed. "Ah, the joys of young love!"_

"_Or not so young," Danny added. "I felt the same way when I met Mitch and Randy for the first time."_

"_It's as it should be," Hugh said. "A man should be nervous about proving himself worthy of the woman he loves. And, Jem, are you ever going to hit that ball? An ant would ha' made it to the green by now. There's a foursome of nuns right behind us and ye know how __**they**__ can be when something gets in their way." _

When the men returned to the living room, CJ was showing Natasha pictures of the kids from their last trip to Half Moon Bay. The pumpkin patches were just coming into their autumn glory and there were several pictures of the three kids, Jasmine, and two of Randy and Gina's grandkids with a pumpkin so big it dwarfed everyone except Paddy and the black lab.

"So the kids are up at the winery with them?" Natasha asked.

"No; we didn't want to take Paddy out of school. Gina and her mom came down to stay at the house. They're going to do a day in the city, spa treatment, dinner, take in a show, Lee and Dottie – the Hitchcock's from next door, remember them? – will watch the kids," CJ replied. "If it weren't harvest time, Randy would have come down with Gina."

"I'm really grateful to them for volunteering," Paul chimed in as he sat down next to his wife. "Not only do CJ and I get a long weekend escape, we get to spend some time with the two of you."

The Hollis Foundation board was meeting on Thursday and Friday and with the offer of babysitting from CJ's Napa relatives, Paul decided to reschedule his Thursday classes and come down with CJ. He would do some exploring tomorrow while CJ was in her meetings. On Thursday evening, there would be a dinner for the board, the foundation employees, and their significant others. There was a biology professor with whom Paul had worked when the two of them were in Kentucky who was now teaching at the university and Paul would be catching up with him on Friday. Bonnie and Jean-Luc had invited them to dinner on Friday night. On Saturday, the two of them, Derrick and Natasha would go to the Mustangs game in the afternoon and in the evening, he would treat his son and his almost certain daughter-in-law to be to dinner in the finest restaurant in the area (he had already arranged with the staff to finesse Derrick for the check) before the two of them drove back to Kensington on Sunday.

The four of them spent an hour or so looking at more pictures, including one from Alaska of a growing and glowing Deborah.

"She's got about ten weeks to go. She says she wants it to be over, but she's also a little apprehensive about the reality of being a mother. I told her it's normal; you're tired of being fat and cranky, but you also have this special bond with the baby while it's just you and him, or her. And when I stop to think that three years ago, it was me pregnant with Dansha, and now I'm about to be a grandmother," CJ laughed.

"Some of my high school classmates' mothers were like that," Natasha said. "Only it was because they started having kids at fifteen and then their kids did the same. I'm a Big Sister to a girl at the high school, her mom OD'ed, and her father doesn't want Tamara making the same mistakes he and her mom did when they were kids. He keeps telling me how good I am for his daughter and begs me to stay with her, in the program."

**October 5, 2017; 6:15 AM PDT**

CJ adjusted the covers over her husband and lightly ran a finger down the bridge of his nose. For thirty minutes she had lain awake in the bed, trying to will her body back to sleep. Now, twenty minutes before her mobile's alarm was set to go off, she had given up the effort. Look on the bright side, she told herself. You get to sit with a cup of coffee and watch the news, or QVC if you want, in peace, without three little voices wanting "Mama!"

A few minutes later, she was in the kitchen drinking coffee and fiddling with the TV when Derrick came in. After exchanging hugs, Derrick asked CJ if she wanted breakfast.

"Well, maybe just some juice. There's supposed to be a 'continental breakfast' at 8:30, but the last time, they had an enormous plate of the most sinfully irresistible pastries and croissants and this huge display of fruit cut into flowery shapes on skewers. I better save room for that."

"If you're sure. Natasha left some cornbread with some sort of sweet honey filling. And if I could have convinced her to stay, she would have fixed it fresh -". Derrick stopped and blushed.

CJ smiled. It was obvious that Derrick was used to having Natasha spend the night with him. For one thing, there was the aura of intimacy that the two of them exuded in each other's company, an aura that was not there when the two of them had been in Kensington about six weeks ago. For another, there was the box of tampons sitting comfortably next to the boxes (four, if CJ remembered correctly) of condoms in Derrick's linen closet when she went to fetch the first-aid kit at his direction.

"Oh, Derrick, it's so cute that you blush! Did you think that we didn't know that you and Natasha are having sex?"

"No, but I'm not sure about things. Not her," Derrick hastened to add, "but how to deal with this situation. And that's a new thing for me. For example, we've been together every night since, well, Big Sur, even when she was, when she wasn't able to, but all of a sudden, she gets shy about staying here while you and Dad are here."

"It's new, it's special, and she doesn't know how to be part of a couple in front of others, especially family. I remember back to that second year with your father. When your grandparents came to visit, not staying overnight was a given because they used the bedroom and he slept on the couch in the living room. But even when your uncle Alex was there, and he was on the couch, there was no way I was going to spend the night and make love to your father. There was no way I could have been comfortable."

**_Venus (the women's place)_**

"_It was a year after our wedding before I could come when we stayed with Paul's folks," Alicia confided to Abbey and Brianna as she stretched out in the thermal pool. Then she looked over to the next table where her mother and her two grandmothers were sipping strawberry daiquiris. She lowered her voice. "And I could never come in my mother's house. After two visits, Paul insisted that when we went to Princeton, we stay in a hotel." _

"She's in love with you, Derrick, and you with her. Things will never be quite the same. Love changes things; love changes everything."

**That evening**

"_Ma chère_, you look _magnifique, comme toujours_!" Jean-Luc exclaimed as he kissed CJ's cheek.

CJ and Paul had just walked into the banquet room where the Hollis Foundation dinner was to be held. Derrick was not with them, having left the condo to fetch Natasha a few minutes before they were ready to go.

"We're at table six," Bonnie said, checking the board.

"So are we," Paul added.

"Good! We didn't get much of a chance to talk today, Bonnie," CJ said. "What with you being late for breakfast and then me getting hijacked, for all intents and purposes, by that guy from Pretoria at lunch."

The couples found their table and took four of the eight places. Paul and Jean-Luc went off to fetch drinks. Before the men returned, they were joined by Nancy and Jesse Muñoz and Morgan Seaborn. Sam wouldn't be able to make the dinner, Morgan told them. There was a horrible accident, a rockslide on one of the side roads off Donner Pass, and he was taking a helicopter to the scene.

"He won't be able to help with the rescue, of course, but he wants to be there for the family members who are waiting."

The others expressed their thoughts for a happy ending to the event and made some small talk. Derrick and Natasha stopped by on the way to their table.

"Well, would you look at that!" Bonnie suddenly exclaimed.

CJ turned away from Paul and glanced in the direction of Bonnie's stare.

Matt Santos was coming into the room, heading for the table to their right, to join the Hollises, Glen and Ainsley Walken, and the afore-mentioned expert from Pretoria and his wife. Matt was with a lovely, tall, thin woman with blonde hair. It was Jessica. It was obvious from the way they held hands and from the way they smiled when their eyes met that this was more than a casual "escort" situation.

"You know," Morgan said, "I thought that Matt seemed more cheery, more his old self at the sessions today, but I guess I just attributed it to the passage of time."

"Well, apparently, it's more than that," CJ laughed. "Did you know anything about this, Bonnie? You're here at the office most days."

"Not a thing. What about you, Nancy?"

The blonde was smiling, somewhat apologetically. "She asked me not to say anything to anyone. Matt sold the place in Texas last month and the kids have started school here. The library will still be built outside Houston, although some of the brass at Annapolis did ask him if he would consider putting it on the academy grounds. Anyway, they've been seeing each other since May, but this is their first time 'out in public', so to speak."

_**Canis Major (The meadow by Rainbow Bridge)** _

"_I want him to be happy," Helen Santos said, wiping away a tear. "I really do."_

"_I know. It does twinge just a little, and it's okay to admit that." Alicia put down her sketch pad, put an arm around Helen's shoulders and squeezed. "After all, we're still human."_

"_And she does look like me, doesn't she? I suppose that's something."_

"_I'm sure that had nothing to do with it, Helen." Jem Ogilvie came up to join them. "If he's the man I think he is, the man you talk about, he fell in love with the person, not with a replica of you."_

"_I agree," Alicia echoed Jem's statement. "The important thing is that she loves him and that she loves your kids. She'll take good care of them."_

"_Yes, she will. My Jessie loves children." A tall man in Army fatigues joined them. "I guess this sort of makes us family." Rusty smiled at Helen. "Of course, I would have preferred it if Matt weren't a Marine," he laughed. Then the three of them looked up as a beautiful Irish Setter stopped in front of them, lifted his ears, and barking joyfully, began to run toward the man who was emerging from the tunnel of light at the other end of the Bridge._

"I can see Matt with someone else," CJ mused, "but the way Jessica always said there was no one else for her but Rusty, that she would go to her grave a widow."

"And we both know how that can change if you leave yourself open to God," Paul said, lifting her hand to his mouth.

Later, after dinner, CJ was returning from the bathroom when she saw Jessica by herself. Sneaking up behind the woman, CJ put her hands over Jessica's eyes.

"Guess who?"

After exchanging hugs, CJ pressed her former neighbor for details.

"So, tell me all about it! I'm so happy for you! With Clara seeing Paul's brother and now you and Matt, I feel like everyone's matched up, just like a happy summer movie."

"I really can't pinpoint when it happened. I worked with Matt on the Philippines project, gathering the research and coordinating the meetings. I guess it started with lunches, and as we worked together, he started asking for help and advice with the kids, dealing with how they adjust to losing a parent. The lunches became dinners and plays, some dancing. Then I started doing things with him and the kids and after Berkeley let out in the spring, Cindy joined us."

"And from here?" CJ asked.

Well, this is my year to host the adult Halloween party for the block, you guys are always welcome, you know that, and we'll go public to everyone there. The two of us are taking an extended Thanksgiving break. I'll go to Texas to meet his family and then we'll go to Wisconsin."

"And?"

"Well, he hasn't really asked, in words of one syllable," Jessica blushed, "but we've sort of talked about next May. But please don't say a word!"

CJ couldn't believe the change in Jessica. She had never looked her age, but as she confided in CJ, she seemed to be barely in her twenties. And while Jessica had rarely moped about Rusty, except that one time when CJ was carrying Paddy and Donna was visiting, there was always a certain quietness in her eyes, as if her mind were elsewhere. But now Jessica's eyes sparkled like the most brilliant sapphires. Love changes everything.

"May we join you?" It was Frank and Sarita Hollis. Soon they were joined by the Muñoz', the Fallières, and Morgan Seaborn. When Matt Santos returned to the table, there was more good-natured kidding for the latest couple.

"Where's Paul?" Jesse asked CJ.

"I don't know," she replied, looking around the room. Finally, she spotted her husband. Natasha was talking with the ubiquitous guy from Pretoria and Derrick was saying something to Paul. Then CJ saw Paul start to laugh, swallow it, and smile at their son. He put his hand companionably on the young man's shoulder and whispered something in Derrick's ear. Derrick said something else to Paul and she heard Paul reply, "Oh, I certainly intend to!"; this time he did laugh. Derrick interrupted the other conversation, Paul lightly kissed Natasha's cheek, and the couple made their way to the exit.

After a few minutes, Tommy Gans mercifully took the Pretoria guy off toward the bar, his booming voice exclaiming "Come on, Desmond, let's get you some **real** bourbon", and Paul made his way to the group. Rather than scrounge around for another chair, he helped CJ from hers and pulled her onto his lap after seating himself.

Eventually, the party broke up. The meetings on the next day would start an hour later, but people did need to get some sleep.

When CJ and Paul reached Derrick's condo, Paul locked the door and, pulling CJ into his arms, kissed her while pushing her back toward the guest room.

"Shouldn't we stay up until Derrick gets back?" CJ mumbled through the embraces.

"Derrick told me he would be late. I told him not to rush it and to have a good time; with any luck, he won't be home at all," Paul responded, reaching for the zipper at the back of CJ's neck. "You taste good. He told me to do the same. You taste damned good."

"Is that what the two of you were laughing about?" CJ pulled away. They had reached the room and she walked into it.

"Well, yes. What?" Paul looked a bit confused. CJ should be melting in his arms, not glaring at him.

"I guess I never thought of you comparing notes with your son, like two frat guys. I can't imagine you ever doing that when you **were** a frat guy."

"Sweetheart, I didn't mean it like that."

Her husband actually looked embarrassed. She laughed, sat down on the bed, and pulled him down beside her.

"Let me close the door. Just in case Derrick isn't as lucky as I am."

"And what makes you think you're going to get lucky, Paul Reeves?" CJ teased.

"I already am, sweetheart, I already am."

**October 6, 2017; Hollis Foundation offices; late morning**

"Morgan!" CJ exclaimed. "Come sit with me. We didn't have much time to catch up yesterday and Bonnie said you'll be heading back to Sacramento as soon as the last session's over."

"Donnie's got a cold and Sam is still up in the Sierras. And even if he were back, Donnie's still at the age when he really wants his Mommy." The dark-haired first lady of California sat down next to CJ.

"I thought that they rescued everyone in the slide," CJ said.

"They did, but Sam wants to meet with the responders and visit the two guys who are still in critical condition. He is such a good governor. I can't believe we're heading into the home stretch."

"I still can't believe he's not running for President."

"Not you, too, CJ. I swear Josh Lyman calls twice a week, trying to get him to change his mind. And I know Josh blames me, because one of the reasons Sam gives is that I've put my life, my career, on the back burner for over eight years.

"But, believe me, if Sam felt the time was right, I would be the first person to sign up. But as bad as Haffley is, Sam has concerns about running against an incumbent. And he has only the utmost respect for Lew Berryhill. Sam will probably run for Hildy Prejean's senate seat in two years; her husband is fighting Hodgkins and she wants to be there for him."

"So Sam won't become a house-husband while you go bring home the bacon, as it were?" CJ laughed.

"You know, CJ, I have no problem with the choices I've made for Sam, for me, and the kids. I've done a lot for the state, and in doing it, I've realized that I don't want to practice law, I want to facilitate it, expedite it. I want to set up ways for those without big bucks to have the full force of the legal profession behind their fights, big or small. It's one of the things I'm going to pursue when we're out of the limelight. If you had told me, ten years ago, that I would walk away from my profession in part due to a relationship with a man, I would have laughed in your face. But things change. Love changes you."

"Love changes everything," CJ agreed, hugging the woman with whom Sam had finally found true happiness.

**October 7, 2017; 10:30 PM**

Derrick opened the door to the condo and stepped back to let the others enter.

"May I get anyone anything? Coffee? A drink?"

"Well, son, if you have any of Aisling's cordial and you're willing to part with it - ".

"Of course. By the way, have you heard from the newlyweds?"

"Not from them, but from Erin. They're back from France, of course, and getting settled in Inverness. Ash starts working at the hospital next week, and Brian is teaching Math, but they call it 'Maths', to twelve year olds. He's says it's fitting punishments for the many sins of his youth," CJ said with a laugh.

Derrick passed around tiny glasses of the liqueur and turned on some music. They talked of things great and small – how Paddy was adjusting to third grade and would begin altar server training after the first of the year, how Caitlin was disappointed that she couldn't start kindergarten because her birthday was so late in the year, how Fiona and Brendan were counting down the days to the birth of their baby.

CJ decided that the cheesecake they had bought earlier in the day was calling her name; Paul heard it also and she went to get some for the two of them. (Derrick and Natasha had each had a huge dessert at the restaurant and said they were stuffed.) As she walked back to the living room, she saw that Natasha was fighting to keep her eyes open and was collapsing against Derrick's shoulder. Paul was humming along with the CD in the changer. She could feel the contentment emanating from his body. Dinner had been excellent and they had lingered over dessert, coffee, and brandy until the wait staff showed signs of wanting to clean up and go home. There had been no fighting over the bill, just a very gracious "Thank you" from their son.

Paul started when she set down the plates and, glancing over at the younger couple, whispered that perhaps they should take their cheesecake to the bedroom. CJ agreed and the two of them said their goodnights.

A half-hour later, CJ decided that they needed another slice of cheesecake (to be used for certain amatory activities) and, putting on a robe, ventured back to the kitchen. She ran into Derrick leaving his bedroom, dressed for sleeping in a pair of pajama bottoms and carrying a blanket and a pillow. CJ's look must have asked the question she was much too tactful to ask.

"I told her she was way too tired to go home, but she still feels a bit awkward about sleeping with me with you guys here. So I told her I'd sleep in the living room. I've never felt this way about someone before, Mama," Derrick finished quietly.

"I know, and you're exhibiting all the signs. I'm so happy for you."

CJ reached up and kissed Derrick's cheek and returned to the father who had formed the son.

**October 8, 2017; Noon**

CJ walked to the passenger side of the Mustang as Derrick and Paul put the suitcases in the trunk.

"You don't want to drive, sweetheart?"

They had planned to take the coast route home, stopping in Monterey for supper, and Paul knew how much CJ liked maneuvering the convertible through the twists and turns.

"No, I'd like to watch the scenery this time. You drive."

Derrick came up to open the door for his stepmother and helped her into the car. Then he stepped back and put his arm around Natasha while waiting for Paul to seat himself behind the wheel.

"Now drive carefully," Derrick said laughingly, imitating the admonishing father of so many times in the past. "Get there an hour late, but get there safely."

Paul pointed the car in the direction of Rte 1, Morro Bay, and the coast. Once on a relative straightaway, he took his right hand off the steering wheel and grasped CJ's left one.

CJ smiled and squeezed the hand holding hers. Five years ago, she could never have imagined herself willingly giving up the driver's side of the Mustang. She leaned over as far as the shoulder harness would permit; with her height, she was able to lay her head on Paul's shoulder. He let go of her hand and put his arm around her shoulders. Later, when the road hugged the coastline, he would need both hands on the wheel, but for now, she reveled in the security of his casual embrace.

Love had changed her; it had changed them both.

And CJ was glad.


	29. The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

**The Most Wonderful Time of the Year**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult – adult issues and activity and such and such

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

**December 8, 2017; early afternoon; I-80, east of Vacaville, CA**

Paul moved to open the door for CJ as she reached the exit of the fast-food place. However, the door was opened by a guy coming into the place and the man cast an admiring glance at CJ's retreating form as she thanked him and walked toward the Mustang. Paul caught the admiring glance of the man seated near the door as that guy also watched CJ walk away. Then, realizing that Paul and CJ were together, the man nodded to Paul, who in turn acknowledged the nod with one of his own. The look sent to Paul said, I mean no disrespect. The look said, she's a beautiful woman. The look said, you're a very lucky man to have her in your life and I respect that she is yours, to the extent that one human can belong to another. It was a look that, over the years, Paul had received from many other men – and from several women. As a heterosexual male, it was a look that Paul had, over the years, given to many other men – and to several women.

Paul caught up with his wife as they reached the car, opened the driver's side door for her, and closed it. Once he was seated beside her and belted in place, Paul took the coffee cup from her hand.

"Thank you, sweetheart. Are you sure you don't want something?"

"And have to stop again before we get to the hotel?" CJ laughed and she made her way out of the parking lot and headed back to the interstate.

"And if we had to, so what?" Paul answered.

In the past month or so, CJ had begun to need more frequent trips to the bathroom and was a bit embarrassed about it. Paul had been gently urging her to see Dr. Daglikova, but CJ kept putting off getting the appointment. Paul had already decided that after Christmas, he would, if necessary, go into "listen to your husband" mode; for the moment, he wanted to make sure that she didn't fret herself on the issue. "We're going to get to Sacramento in plenty of time," he reassured her.

CJ glanced to her right and smiled at Paul. She took her right hand from the wheel, laid it on his thigh, and lightly squeezed.

"Time alone with you in a hotel room? Not nearly enough; there's never enough, Paul."

As Paul smiled at CJ, he realized that her slacks and sweater were the same color (or same enough for a male of the species to process) as the outfit she wore that first time she spent the night with him. The pleasant memories had the obvious effect; the stirring in his groin was imperceptible, but it felt damned good. Paul glanced around; there was no one else on either side of them. He shifted her hand to the zipper of his khakis, pressed it against him for two seconds, then lifted it to his lips. Finally, he moved CJ's hand back to the steering wheel.

Something flew in CJ's open window and Paul turned around to follow the motion. A scrap of paper floated in the air and then settled on the garment bag holding his tuxedo and CJ's gown.

CJ's gown. Another situation where, at times, a husband just needed to assert himself, to take control.

Last May, at the Hollis Foundation gala in the city, Paul was in one of the stalls in the men's room, he heard the voices of Sam Seaborn and Josh Lyman as they entered the room.

"I'm sure they're okay, Josh. Neither she nor Paul are bringing in the really big bucks, of course, but still. Why do you ask?"

"Well, this is maybe the fourth or fifth time we've had a formal event, and every time CJ's worn something old. I checked with Donna to be sure because you know how we guys can be about things like that," Josh explained. "It's the one she wore when we lost the five votes on the banking bill and we had to get Hoynes to lasso Tillinghast back in 1999."

"But she wore old things before. Remember the first ball I had? She wore that high necked grey dress from that Indonesian state dinner," came the reply.

"Yes, but that was because Danny really liked that dress. I think it was right around that time that he first became attracted to her. Most of the other times, she had new things. I know because I had ragged Donna about it that first ball, and she made sure I knew that CJ had new things in 2010 and 2011," Josh said.

"Last year, at the Hollis Christmas party, she was wearing something new, I think. Of course, that was a short dress, and, come to think of it, I think she said she bought it used at a benefit for a domestic violence center in Berkeley," Sam added.

"Like I said, Sam, she hasn't had a new gown since Danny died and she remarried."

"Well, let's not read too much into it," Sam answered.

Then there was silence, punctuated by the flushing of urinals and the running of water, as the two men took care of the needs that had brought them to the men's room in the first place.

Paul spent a bit more time than he usually did washing his hands. He needed to think.

The first time CJ and he had attended one of Sam's Christmas galas was in 2013, barely a month after their wedding. CJ wore a stunning red halter dress. Okay, perhaps the bottom of the "V" was about an inch, and inch and a half too low for Paul's comfort, but the top was tight fitting with no danger of anyone seeing the tawny rosy nipples that were reserved for his sight alone. He was extremely proud of, extremely in love with, his sexy wife. At the time, it didn't bother him when Josh mentioned how Barry Goodwin really admired the dress when CJ wore it to Ellie Bartlet Faison's wedding. After all, with all the things involved in getting settled into a happy wedded life, when would CJ have had time to shop for a new gown?

They skipped the next ball, of course, because CJ was in her last month carrying Dansha, but in 2015, they went back to Sacramento and that time, CJ wore a clingy but not too revealing purple dress. There was a thin little strap on her right shoulder and there were matching sequins sewn in swirls going from various points under her right arm, meeting at the waist on the left side. Jed and Abbey had come out for that ball (the last time Paul would see Abbey Bartlet alive) and the former first couple talked about the dinner for Nobel laureates, the night that Cliff Calley and Matt Santos suckered Haffley.

"Dr. Takahashi was definitely bowled over by you, CJ, and no wonder, that purple color looks good on you. The only reason he paid attention to me was to goad Jed," Abbey laughed.

Then came Deborah's wedding later in the month; CJ wore her "updated Armani".

Last year, for Sam's party, she wore the same deep blue dress she had worn for her own Nobel ceremony, the same one she wore to the Canadian conference a month earlier. At least the white topaz jewelry had been ready in time for the ball; she wouldn't have to wear jewelry Danny had bought in addition to a dress Danny had bought.

Paul had learned, over the years, mainly through other men's experience, never to ask if an ensemble was new. If it was, asking might imply that he thought money was being spent frivolously. If the clothing was old, one was accused of not paying any attention. So, as he had done in the past with Alicia, when CJ appeared, dressed for a formal event, he merely smiled and told CJ that she looked beautiful, that he would be the recipient of envy on the part of every other man at the affair. It was easy; it wouldn't get him into trouble.

And it was the truth, plain and simple. CJ always looked stunning. The gowns were attractive and sexy but very tasteful. He had even gotten used to the idea of the ones with V necklines coming down to the bottom of her cleavage; after all, they never revealed too much. Some of the cleavage you saw the Hollywood women wearing at awards shows came down to their waistlines. And he had never entertained any thought about how much money she might have spent. Like the wife in Proverbs, he trusted her with their fortune.

However, this was a new slant on the issue. His pride as a man, as a husband and provider, was involved. It would be one thing if the women had noticed, had said something. But Josh Lyman was a guy.

And Josh Lyman was Danny's friend. No way in hell was Paul going to let the people who were close to CJ and Danny as a couple think that he was stingy with his wife, or, worse, not able to clothe her in the manner to which she might have been accustomed.

Resolving to do something about the matter for the next formal party, Paul put any feelings of hurt male pride aside and went to join his beautiful wife in her sexy (though, apparently at least eighteen year-old) dress.

At the Hollis board meeting two months ago, Paul overheard CJ and Nancy discussing this year's upcoming ball in the old Governor's Mansion.

"I don't know, probably the white one with the silver threading that I wore to the event the night of the Kennison State bombing. I haven't worn that for a while and it's Christmas-y. Or the red one with the spaghetti straps I wore for the second inauguration, or the black halter top one I wore the night I was locked down with Donna in my office."

"I thought your black one had spaghetti straps?"

"That was the one I was wearing in New York, when Simon Donovan was killed," CJ said quietly. "I gave that to Hogan. No way I was ever going to wear that dress again.

"Anyway, I suppose I could wear that burgundy thing with the gold shoulder drape I would have worn to Ford's Theatre the night that Owen Lassiter died, but I'd look like I was a present from Macy's gift-wrap department."

On the way home to Kensington, Paul mentioned to CJ that he had overheard the conversation and told her to buy herself something new.

"Paul, you're sweet," CJ said, reaching over to kiss his cheek, "but I don't need a new dress; I have things I can still fit into that I haven't worn in years. We have other things, more important things, to buy. And that addition is not going to come cheap."

With Deborah married to Tom and a grandchild on the way, and with Derrick hopefully moving toward a wedding in the next year or so, Paul and CJ had come to the conclusion, in early September, that they needed at least one, if not two, more bedrooms. So for two weeks, they looked at what was available on the housing market, but nothing said "Buy me". Then they looked at house plans. Some were nice, but it was impossible to find a lot close enough to Berkeley.

So CJ showed him some scribblings. She had sketched a rough floor plan of their house, with an addition behind the kitchen, with a hallway off the family room. There were two bedrooms with a Jack and Jill bath between them. It would take out the window on the back kitchen wall ("but the one right behind the garage would still be there", she reassured him) and some of the back yard, but there would still be a place for the kids to play and for Jasmine to run, pee, and poop in fenced-in safety, still be a place for a couple tomato plants. The deck would not be touched.

"What do you think?" CJ asked him, somewhat shyly.

"Hmmm," Paul said, stretching for time. Did they really want to subject themselves to the stress of in-house construction? Had she really thought it out completely?

"_Of course she has, you idiot!" Danny exclaimed. "Look what she did for us in Santa Monica! Lish, tell your husband to trust her." _

_Alicia stroked Danny's arm. _

"_Calm down; he'll figure it out for himself. Paul isn't blind, or dumb. He just needs a minute. And he's CJ's husband, not mine."_

Actually, Paul realized, it was the best solution. He was really happy with their house. The two views, front and back, were spectacular. They were far away enough from the university to not be bothered by carousing students but close enough to get to work quickly. He was settled in his study; the master bedroom and bath were very nice retreat for a loving couple with children. He liked having the formal living and dining rooms in addition to the much more casual, more lived-in family room. And the construction really wouldn't impact their lives too much inside the house. It would affect their use of the back deck and pool area, but if it could get roughed in, at least, by summer – .

Once Paul said yes, CJ went into high gear. An architect and a contractor were hired. Right now, those professionals were working on all the permits, hoping to start in mid-February.

The two of them compromised on paying for the addition. Half would come from CJ's trust fund, half from a home-equity loan. Of course, it was not without a long "serious discussion". CJ argued long and hard for taking all the money from the trust ("Even with the tax deduction, we'll pay more in interest than we'd lose from the trust. Can't we at least take all the money out and then repay it ourselves rather than paying the bank?"), but Paul prevailed.

So now, when CJ said that the loan was one reason for not getting a new gown for the ball, Paul's male ego was again threatened and he decided to assert himself.

Of course, as he had counseled many, many husbands and husbands-to-be over the years, asserting oneself did not mean riding roughshod over the situation. Indeed, overt forcefulness was, in most cases, a sign of failure.

Paul placed a call to Santa Monica, to Hank.

"Something sexy but modest. Something that will do her justice. Something different, but in keeping with the kind of thing she likes. You're the professional; I trust you."

Hank, of course, came through with the perfect dress and on their fourth anniversary early last month, Paul handed CJ the big box.

"I know it's a little unusual for an anniversary present, but I wanted you to have something new."

Later that evening, when they were alone, Paul would tell CJ of the conversation he overheard and his thought processes. He would admit that his ego was as much in play as his desire to give her something new. CJ would kiss him, run her hand from his brow, down his cheek to his chest, and tell him that she loved him, loved the dress, but wanted him to know that she never felt deprived wearing the gowns she had bought when she was very much in the public eye. ("I know that I would have done the same had Danny not died and I stayed home with the kids while they were little. It's not the money; it's because what is important in my life is so different, a totally different universe", she would say, punctuating each phrase with a light kiss.)

"It's gorgeous. You're much too good to me, and I love you for it."

The dress was strapless, with a fitted bodice and a skirt that clung to her hips before flaring out slightly to allow for plenty of movement, both walking and dancing, without need for a slit or a pleat. ("I'm inviting myself, Steve, Pammy, and Danny up for Thanksgiving," Hank told Paul. "I'll need to make the final adjustments to the fit. It has some light boning and built-in bust support, but it shouldn't be uncomfortable for her.") The fabric was a heavy tightly woven one, shiny like silk, with a kind of vague paisley print in shades of yellow-gold. Hank referred to it as "citrine, topaz, butterscotch, and amber." The top was designed to accentuate her bustline but it came straight across under her arms. Ideally, only a modest amount of swell would be uncovered.

"What about jewelry?" Paul asked when Hank sent him sketches and a picture of the fabric. "I know she has the earrings Danny gave her for Caitlin but I don't think she has anything else that would go. Her birthday will be later in the month. Could you find her a necklace and bracelet to match them?"

Hank explained that imperial topaz was rare and rather expensive.

"Given the time constraints, I think I'd best look for citrines that are close in color," the studio designer said.

"I'm just afraid that people will know that I got her something cheaper than what Danny got her."

"Paul, given the way that QVC and the other mass marketers have flooded the market, when most people hear 'topaz', they thing 'blue'. They'll think that the earrings are citrines. Don't worry about it."

And, of course, Hank came through again with the jewelry. The necklace and bracelet, in themselves, were simple – thin tennis lines similar to the white topaz set Paul had given her last year. However, Hank had come up with something to make the jewelry unique – a pendant ("actually, it's called an enhancer, the clasp lets it fit on a necklace without having to go over the fastening hardware") in the shape of a Maltese cross, covered with very small stones – pavé according to Hank – in shades that picked up the tones in the dress. According to Hank, the jewels included yellow sapphire, golden beryl, citrine, and Baltic amber. It was striking, both as a piece of jewelry and as a religious symbol. It was a perfect gift from a minister to his wife.

The jewelry was received with as much joy as the dress, and last week, when CJ went to the salon, she took the necklace and pendant with her. When she returned several hours later, the highlights in her newly colored hair reflected the tones of the gemstones.

They reached Sacramento without incident and quickly found the Embassy Suites where the old Bartlet gang would be spending the weekend.

"Let me see," said the desk clerk, scrolling through her computer screen. "Ah, yes, Reeves, here it is. There is one small complication. You requested a suite with one king. We're going to have to put you in a suite with two king beds. Now that means a little less floor space in the bedroom. Naturally, there's no extra charge. Will that be okay? If it does seem a bit crowded, we could give you a suite with two doubles."

Paul knew he was thinking for both of them. Yes, they were in love and had, at times, made do with a double bed. However, for reasons of comfort as well as for strategic erotic reasons, the extra two feet of width afforded by a king-sized mattress were definitely required.

Fifteen minutes later, Paul was transferring champagne, cheese, and fruit from their little cooler to the refrigerator in the front room of the suite while CJ opened the suitcase they were sharing and began to put some things in drawers. Paul grabbed his toiletry kit.

"Here. Take mine in there, too," CJ handed him her slightly larger bag of makeup, bath gels, and other personal items.

Paul had just finished brushing his teeth when CJ came into the bath. He brushed a hand over her hip as their paths crossed. He slipped into the front room and put the "Do not disturb" sign on the door; he quickly looked at the telephone instructions and programmed it to not ring but go directly to voicemail mode. A glance outside the window showed that their room overlooked the river, but he drew the drapes just the same. He turned off all the lights except one in the corner of the room farthest from the bed nearest the bathroom and turned down the covers on that bed. Then Paul stepped out of his shoes and removed his socks. Hearing the sound of the bathroom light being turned off and the door opening, Paul walked over to meet his wife.

After, when they were snuggled in post-coital comfort, he would accept her gentle scolding about taking risks. ("You could have hurt your back, which is bad not only for you but for me. I intend to dance my fanny off tonight and I need you for that. I love Christmastime.")

But for now, he wasn't the calm professor of theology, grey-haired and pushing sixty. For now, he was the twenty-two year old law student, strong, virile, and she was several days shy of turning nineteen. She was about to sleep in his bed for the first time, about to sleep in any man's bed for the first time, and he was aching both with desire that had not been assuaged for several months and with a burning need to live up to the trust she was placing in him to make this experience a good one.

As she had before, CJ came willingly to his arms and after exchanging a kiss that left no doubt about what they both wanted, Paul lowered his right arm to the back of her thighs, scooped her from the floor, and carried her to the crisp sheets.

Hungry for her as he was, Paul delayed the inevitable as long as he could, treating CJ with as much care as he had that first time, ignoring the fact that five babies had emerged from her body. He watched her face as she quaked on his fingers and on his palm. He felt her hands on his head as she quaked on his tongue and his mouth. Then he watched the stars against his eyelids and he and she quaked together, him pulsing and throbbing against her warmth and wetness, her clutching and melting against his silk and steel. Finally, much sooner that he would have expected (given the fact that he was indeed soon to start the seventh decade of life), he lay back and reveled in her mouth on him, in the silk of her honeyed tresses on his groin.

Later, CJ shrieked as Paul's champagne glass sloshed and some of the chilled effervescence spilled on her stomach. When Paul laughed and leaned down to lick the wine from her body, he spilled more of it on the bed.

"Now the bed is wet, and there are crumbs," CJ said as she brushed at the bits of bed. Hopefully, it will dry by tonight."

"That's the beauty of two beds, sweetheart," Paul said. He reached for her hands and pulled her into his arms again for another kiss. "What's so funny?" he asked as she began to giggle.

"The housekeeping staff," she said. "They'll think we sleep in separate beds, that we're old fuddy-duddies."

"No they won't. It's obvious from **that**," Paul pointed to the large wet spot of semen mixed with her own moisture, "that we made good use of this bed, and by tomorrow morning, I intend to leave similar evidence in the other bed. Now, they might think that we've snuck another couple into the room and had an orgy - ".

CJ picked up a pillow and lightly hit Paul with it. He disarmed her and, pulling her with him, he moved from a half-reclining posture to a prone one and pulled the covers over the two of them.

"Let's get some sleep. We have a full evening ahead of us, followed by an equally full night."

**10:30 PM PST; Christmas Ball of Gov. Sam Seaborn**

Paul sipped at his cognac and watched as CJ danced with Jed Bartlet. The former president led her through the foxtrot with relative ease, apparently used to dancing with women who were taller than he was.

Paul's eyes connected with CJ's and the two of them exchanged smiles. Once again, Paul felt the tightening in his groin that belied the fact that he was a grandfather, having proven the fact earlier at the banquet table when he shared the photos received from Tom and Deborah not only with their dinner companions – Josh, Donna, Ginger, Rick, Margaret, and John Hoynes – but with anyone else who came within four feet.

As usual, all the women looked striking and as usual, Paul felt that CJ was the most striking of the lot. The others admired her gown and, when told that it had been an anniversary present, cast appreciative glances and comments at Paul.

When the dancing began after the meal, Paul willingly agreed when one of the other men suggested that they switch partners. However, he did not actively seek to dance with the other women; he preferred to spend as much time as possible on the dance floor with CJ in his arms. Of course, if an unattached woman had been part of their group, Paul would have made sure that she was not neglected, just as the women were ensuring that Jed Bartlet had many chances to show off his moves.

"Hey, Paul."

Josh, beer in hand, sat down at the table.

"Hi, Josh. Where's Donna?"

"Morgan needed to go to the ladies' room. Maybe someday I'll figure out why they have to go in pairs."

"Maybe," Paul theorized, "but I wouldn't count on it. If Morgan's with Donna, where's Sam?"

"Over there, playing governor," Josh pointed with his beer, "talking to some business guys. I needed to talk with you.

"CJ reamed me up one side and down the other about what you overheard last May. I need to apologize - "

"No need," Paul interrupted. "Josh, I can honestly say that I really didn't know. Well, I guess I knew because, thinking back, I did hear her talking about when she had worn the dresses before, but I didn't put two and two together. If I'm not being out of line, I was a bit surprised that you had noticed. I never figured you for the type of guy that pays attention to that sort of thing."

"Well, as I said, for the next two years, Donna made sure I knew whenever CJ wore something new. Then she stopped. I wouldn't have noticed that either, except that Sherri Wexler was covering that Hollis thing in May – CJ gave her a smackdown in the Press Room about fifteen years ago – and she made some comment about how low CJ had fallen, wearing an old dress, and I asked Donna about it."

Josh paused, took a sip from his beer.

"The thing is, Paul, those last few months, Danny and I spent time together, just as he did with you. He told me of his hopes that you and CJ would marry, that you would take care of her and the kids, that you were perfect for her, and she for you. But he also asked me to look out for her and the kids, in case the two of you didn't come together, and even if you did, to make sure that his 'Celtic ESP', as he called it, wasn't mistaken about you. Now, after all this time, I know he wasn't mistaken, but I still feel a sense of duty, as it were. I had heard that Berkeley was cutting back and I'm sure that you guys are also under the gun - ", Josh stopped in mid-sentence, not knowing how much further to take all of this.

_**Cassiopeia's Chair**_

"_You really did that?" Alicia asked, the disbelief taking her voice up half an octave. "You really thought that Paul could possibly have been less than wonderful as a husband, as a man? You honestly questioned his integrity? I swear, Danny, I thought I knew you, but now -"._

"_Come on, Lish, I was dying, I was worried. I was as sure as I could be, but one never knows, for sure," Danny pleaded. "And, after all, he thought I was possibly capable of abusing her, the weekend we found out about the Nobel. What about __**his**__ suspicions about __**me**__?" At first, Danny felt defensive, but, remembering that conversation the weekend that CJ was roughed up when she got lost off the freeway, he ended up feeling just a bit self-righteous._

"_I don't know," Alicia said, hesitation in her voice._

_Danny saw his chance. He smiled the smile that conveyed a deceptive sense of self-deprecation. _

"_Well, Paul and I are mere men, full of faults. I don't know what we ever did to deserve you, to deserve her."_

_Alicia knew what he was doing, but in spite of it, she couldn't stay mad long. Besides, she felt the urge to dance in a circle and one couldn't do that and fight at the same time._

"We're fine. And if we weren't, well, I'm getting better at accepting the fact that CJ does have a healthy mid-six figure trust fund from Danny that earns a steady seven percent interest. We don't use it for day-to-day things, but we have used it for a few things, something that the 'me' of five years ago would never have imagined myself doing. Part of me is upset with myself because I let my ego get the better or me in this situation, but the other part of me is damned proud of how good my wife looks in her gold dress. So maybe this Sherri person is right, that CJ has changed about her clothes, but I've changed too," Paul concluded. Then he stood as CJ and Jed Bartlet approached from the dance floor at the same time that Donna and Morgan came to the table from the rest room area. "And now, if she's not too worn out, I'd like to dance with my beautiful wife."

Once on the dance floor, Paul was intoxicated by the woman in his arms. Morgan's staff had chosen a "Winter Wonderland" theme and everything was decorated in silver and white. CJ stood out against the iciness, glowing in the half-light. Her golden dress and jewelry were set off by the highlights in her hair. While dressing for the party, CJ had shooed him out of the room when Carol appeared at the door and apparently the two of them had dusted each other's upper torsos with a shimmery golden powder.

The couple moved in cadence with the medley of romantic love songs. Paul somehow managed to resist the urge to kiss a line from CJ's jaw to her neck to her shoulder. He was about to suggest that rather than wait for the bus that would take the group back to the hotel, they catch a cab, when Donna came up to them.

"The President wants pictures."

And so, for the next forty minutes, a photographer took pictures of each couple, a picture of the group, and then a picture of the women.

Paul was standing next to Jed Bartlet while the photographer was posing the women. They were grouped in front of a stand of trees. CJ in gold, Morgan in Kelly green, Carol in her bright red, Andy in white, Margaret in royal blue, and Donna in silver were standing in the back row. Seated in front were Ginger in turquoise, Bonnie in rose, Ainsley in yellow, radiantly six months pregnant, Nancy in black, also radiant and for the same reason (but only three months, she and Jesse had told the group earlier in the evening), Ellie in deep forest green, and Zoey in purple.

"They look like ornaments, against those trees," Paul commented. "I guess they coordinated, made sure they weren't duplicating colors. Women are fascinating, aren't they?"

"My third year in office, I had a big formal party for Abbey's birthday, I made some comment about a 'Women of the West Wing' calendar," Jed mused. "That's why I wanted the pictures. I want a calendar of these women. I'll get one of Liz. I hope she's having a good time in Gstaad with Gus and his fiancée."

The photographer took one last shot and released the women just as the orchestra started another set. CJ looked at the dance floor and then at her husband. Paul sighed and smiled as CJ took his hand and led him toward the music. If she's happy, I'm happy, he said to himself.

**December 9; 10:15 PM; Embassy Suites (the presidential suite)**

Paul shifted slightly in his chair, surreptitiously moving CJ's butt a half inch to accommodate the throbbing in his groin. Then he shifted his arms up about five inches from CJ's waist to feel the soft weight of her breasts on his forearms.

With this year's ball being held on a Friday, Morgan had arranged for a group trip to the gold country around Placerville for the gang. After a bus tour of the region and a box lunch, they had fun afternoon panning in one of the streams in the area. There was a late afternoon buffet dinner in one of the historic hotels and then everyone had agreed to gather in Sam and Morgan's rooms for informal drink and discourse after time for a "break". To Paul's eye, most of the couples must have spent the time as he and CJ did, and most of the women decided to put on sweatshirts without benefit of supportive undergarments.

Ginger, CJ, Bonnie, and Andy were talking about holiday guests.

"Yes, we'll have a full house for Christmas itself, with Rick's sister Serena and her kids, and of course Aunt Melanie and Aunt Hallie. We'll have an anniversary party, ten years, can you believe it, on the 29th. Then, on the 30th, Ellen, a friend of Sev's from school is coming in for the New Years' dance."

"Is this a serious girlfriend, Ginger?" Andy asked. "I think Molly has a little crush on Sev after going to the dance with him last summer. We'll be doing Chanukah next week, of course, and then down to Maryland for Christmas. What about you guys, CJ? Are both Deborah and Derrick joining you this year?"

"Well, Deborah just gave birth, remember, by the way, have we shown you pictures of our grandson?" CJ said to the general laughter that greeted that sardonic question, "so they can't travel all that distance, changing planes, with a newborn. I remember flying with Paddy in the Hollis jet, and even that was a chore. But Derrick will be with us, of course, and he's bringing Natasha, so we'll be pretty full ourselves. I'm glad we decided to build the guest addition; it will be very handy."

"There's a pool at the foundation offices about when the ring is going to show up on Natasha's finger," Bonnie said. "You willing to give me any inside hints?"

"I have no hints to give," CJ said. "If it happens, it will be in God's own time."

Paul nodded his head in agreement. Of course, he knew that if Derrick had his way, the ring would have been in evidence for almost a year now, or at least since late August. ("That's what I told her brother-in-law and her uncle, Dad", his son told him when they talked right after Derrick and Natasha had returned from their Thanksgiving trip to Arizona. "I took the initiative, told them that my intentions were honorable, as it were. I told them that I had already told her I wanted to marry her, but I knew that I had to wait until it felt right for her. Maybe someday, she'll be able to let down her guard and allow me to take the initiative, but until that happens, she's the decision maker as far as when to move this relationship along.")

"Let it go, Joshua! If he's not ready, he's not ready. And four years in the Senate would only help, on top of nine as governor."

Paul started at Donna's raised voice. Apparently Josh was still trying to get Sam to declare for the presidential primary season that would start after Christmas and Sam was still not having any part of it.

"I just want to get the best guy for the job. Although God knows I could go outside and grab the first natural born thirty-five year old citizen and get someone better than Haffley," Josh defended himself. Then, looking over and Ainsley and Glenn Walken, added, "sorry."

"Hey, we didn't vote for the guy, didn't campaign for him, don't intend to campaign for him", Ainsley said.

"We have much more important things to do this year," Glenn added as he absent-mindedly stroked the child growing inside his wife. Paul smiled, remembering how the former president (if only for a few days) told the other men how much in awe he was of the life that he and Ainsley had created. ("Ten years ago, I never saw this for me. I assumed I would die an unmarried man, with only a couple of great-nephews to remember me. And now, this delicate little creature is carrying an even more delicate, even littler creature and I'm responsible for both of them.")

"Yes, please, Josh, let it go, or I will take my wife and go," Jean-Luc added.

"Don't you mean **Paul's **wife, at least according to one waitress?" Bonnie asked with a laugh.

"Come on, the poor girl was so flustered, assuming that Bonnie and I were a couple, and the manager was embarrassed enough to comp the liquor," Paul said, smoothing over the issue in much the same way he had done at dinner when it happened. It had been obvious to him, with the sense he had developed over the years, that the young woman had meant no slight, and he tried his hardest to put her at ease. "And no disrespect to you, Bonnie, but I think I will leave with the woman I came in with."

"And I don't have anything to say about that?" CJ asked.

"Not unless you want coal in your stocking, sweetheart," came Paul's answer.

"That might work on the kids, but I'm onto you, Paul Reeves."

"You threaten your kids with Santa?" Zoey asked. "Isn't that kind of mean?"

"Not me," said Paul. "It's Paddy. Especially Dansha, it's her first year actually remembering everything from last Christmas, how wonderful everything is at this time of year. However, when they asked me if it was true that Santa might not bring presents, I told them that gifts are always a privilege and not something to which one is entitled. And that Santa likes people who are nice to other people. Excuse me, sweetheart," he added, gently lifting her from his lap and heading toward the bathroom.

"Well, they are right about it being a wonderful time of the year," Charlie said. "I especially remember that first Christmas after I started working at the White House."

"Well, I can't wait for this little lump to be old enough to enjoy it," Ainsley said. Then she smiled up at Glenn, who was still absent-mindedly caressing her distended middle.

"Well, if I can't talk Sam into running, maybe I can talk my wife into something else," Josh said. He stood up and reached a hand to Donna and helped her to her feet. "And we do have an 11:00 AM flight tomorrow," he added as Donna blushed and took a playful slap at her husband.

And with that, the others decided that they too needed, or wanted to, retire. The group agreed to meet at 8:30 for breakfast.

When CJ and Paul reached their suite, she slipped into the bathroom. When she came out, wearing an ivory lace nightgown, Paul was in bed, nude.

"Now why did you bother with that?" Paul asked with a smile.

"It comes off, Paul. They always come off." CJ came up to stand beside the bed. "Sometimes, I want you to remove it. Sometimes I want to undress for you."

"Come, sweetheart." Paul held out his hand. Then, as CJ moved to lie beside him, "No, ride me tonight, sweetheart."

And as she straddled his groin, he reached for the hem of the negligee and lifted it from her body.

Later, CJ lay collapsed against him, softly snoring as he stroked her hair. She woke with a start and, raising herself on an elbow, she looked down into his eyes.

"Twice after the ball, twice this morning, once after supper, and now this. Not bad, **Grandpa**," she teased him.

Paul quickly flipped her to her back and lowered her hand to his expanding hardness.

"I'm not done yet. See how hard you can make me, see how hard I am again for you," he spoke with ragged breath. "See how much I want you again," he thrust himself hard and deep inside her, "**Nana**?"

**December 19; Kensington, CA; 2:00 PM PST**

"Derrick, lunch is ready. Would you get the kids?"

"Will do, honey." Derrick Reeves put down the brief he was studying and got up from the kitchen table. He smiled at Natasha. "You look cute with that apron."

"Too much Donna Reed?"

"Much younger. Clair Huxtable," Derrick replied.

"Did she wear aprons?"

It was like playing house, only they were grownups, Derrick thought as he went in search of Paddy, Caitlin, and Dansha.

Last week, when talking with his father, Derrick heard about the gala evening that the Theological Union was sponsoring for the Christmas holiday. Lunch at one of the restaurants at Fisherman's' Wharf, followed by an afternoon performance of _Aida _at the Opera House. The climax would be a formal dinner-dance at the Mark Hopkins. Many of the participants would be spending the night at the hotel. ("But we'll be coming back after the dance; Brittany just turned 14; she's much too young to spend the night alone with the kids.")

"Nonsense," Derrick told his father. "Natasha and I can easily come up a day earlier."

"You had plans, Derrick."

"Yes, we were planning to spend a night in Monterey on the way up, but we can change that. You and CJ stay overnight, so you can enjoy the dance, enjoy the alcohol."

"We had the weekend in Sacramento."

"It's Christmas, you can have another night to yourselves."

So he and Natasha had arrived yesterday evening and would be spending the next nine days in Kensington. Derrick loved spending Christmas with his father, CJ, and the blended family. He was looking forward to watching Christmas specials with the kids, the same ones he and Deborah had watched as children. He was looking forward to the two services on Christmas Eve and to setting up the tree and the packages after the kids went to bed. He was looking forward to drinking cocoa and eating cinnamon toast on his parents' bed with the others. He was looking forward to Caitlin and Dansha's delight when they saw the tree and the presents for the first time. He was looking forward to helping Paddy, who had finally figured out "the truth", keep the secret for the girls, helping the boy realize that it was an important trust to keep the dream alive, to help Paddy realize that Santa was indeed "real", just in a different way. _("Of course, I'm real!" Nicholas exploded. He was testing the inventory control program that would determine when, where and with what to refill his sleigh on the big night.)_ Derrick was looking forward to the special surprise he had arranged for his father.

The only thing he was not looking forward to was the ten days of sexual abstinence. However, he had done it for over a year waiting first to find Natasha and then for her to be ready for intimacy; these next few days should be a piece of cake.

Paddy was outside with Jasmine and came running into the house when told that tomato soup and tuna melts were ready to be eaten. Hearing giggles coming from the bedroom wing, Derrick headed to the girls' room.

Caitlin was wearing a pair of black silk heels that Derrick knew only too well and a white silk blouse that came down past her knees and whose shoulders fell to the redhead's elbows. Dansha sported what would have been a purple mini-dress on Natasha but trailed on the floor when worn by the not quite three year old. Both girls had smears of brown and green around their eyes and bright tawny circles on their cheeks. In the makeup containers spread out on the bed, there were smears of black in the blusher and the eye shadow; the brush bristles were spread out in five different directions.

"Look pretty!" Dansha shouted.

Derrick called to Natasha, asking her to come back to the room. Then he explained to his little sisters that they should not use another person's things without permission, and even if they had permission, they should not destroy those things.

"You've ruined Tasha's makeup. And it's a miracle that you haven't ruined her clothes. You've done something very bad."

Actually, Natasha wasn't nearly as upset as Derrick was. She thought the girls looked cute and wanted to take a picture of them. She pulled out her phone and snapped just as Paddy, who had come back to the bedroom out of curiosity, mentioned something about making Santa mad.

"Please no tell Santa. Want gift!" Dansha wailed.

"I don't have to tell Santa," Derrick said. "He knows already; he knows everything. So he'll know if you tell Natasha you're sorry and that you'll never do it again."

Caitlin had a more immediate concern. "Are you going to tell Papa and Mama, Derrick?"

"No," Derrick answered, and Caitlin looked relieved. "But **you** are, tomorrow when they get back." Caitlin's face grew very worried. Then the big brother replaced the father-substitute. "And remember, tell them the truth. Never, ever, tell them a lie." Paddy nodded in agreement.

"But they'll get mad, and yell," Caitlin wailed.

"Papa doesn't get mad and yell," Paddy said. "He just has serious discussions."

"But Mama does," Caitlin answered. "And Papa makes us do rep-rations."

"You should have thought of that beforehand," Derrick said. "Now let's take off Tasha's things." When that was done, he told Paddy to go with the girls to the bathroom and help them wash their faces while he and Natasha reheated the soup and sandwiches.

"I really don't want to get them into trouble, Derrick," Natasha said as she dumped soup into the sauce pan and turned up the gas under it.

"They got themselves into trouble, Tash. And my father doesn't tolerate lying from any of his children, no matter how old. I couldn't keep this from him."

"Will he spa-"

"Only if they lie about it, and maybe not even then," Derrick hastened to assure her. "Dansha is really too young to understand the consequences, and I don't think he would spank Caitlin if he didn't Dansha. But that's why I need to make sure that both of them understand they have to tell the truth."

**10:30 PM**

Derrick checked the lock on the front door, then headed toward the bedrooms, turning off lights as he walked.

For a moment, he pretended to himself that he was in his own house, that the children were his and Natasha's, that he and Natasha were married. Well, it was always something to look forward to in the future.

Derrick opened the door to the girls' room. Caitlin and Dansha were curled up in one of the beds, their feet at opposite ends. When Natasha had found out that the tree was usually set up in the living room, she insisted on sleeping in with the girls rather than upsetting tradition. She could sleep on the floor, she insisted, but the girls said she could use one of their beds.

Derrick turned to the other bed. Natasha was lying there, looking very sexy in spite of her modest ASU sleep shirt. (Derrick had already bought her one from Oberlin; it was wrapped and ready to be opened Christmas morning.) She smiled up at him as he sat beside her.

"I'm going to miss you tonight," Natasha whispered.

"Well, I can take care of you again," Derrick whispered in return, sliding his hand under the covers and up her leg.

Earlier, after the kids had gone to bed, the two of them sat in the living room and Derrick insisted on undoing her jeans and slipping his hand inside her underwear. She had never done this as a teenager, he told her. He wanted to everything he could to make up for what had been done to her in her childhood, to give her what she had missed because of the rape and abuse. "And one of those things was being taken to third base in your boyfriend's living room when his parents weren't home."

After she had climaxed twice, Natasha reached for his zipper but he stopped her hand.

"You took care of me, let me take care of you," she protested.

"I don't want the scent in the air. I can wait."

So they sat in the living room and watched the lights of the city twinkle in the clear December night.

Now, in his sisters' bedroom, Natasha stopped **his** hand.

"I won't be able to control myself, control my voice," she whispered. "I can wait, too."

"You were great with the kids today," Derrick changed the subject. "You're a natural at this."

"I enjoy them. It's such a great age; watching them enjoy Christmas brings back so many memories of my own childhood. I envy your parents. I think they're having more fun than the kids are."

Derrick was consumed with desire for her. It could be done. They were still using condoms, which would contain his ejaculate, and he could get a towel to protect the sheets from any leakage. There was always air freshener. He remembered, thinking back to his own childhood, of the times that they spent in hotel rooms, of waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of movement in the next bed, the sound of labored breathing, the sound of muted cries. The twin bed was narrow, but it would be easy to get into it behind her, to lift her shirt, to slip inside her and carefully complete the act.

Someday, they would do it with their own children when circumstances dictated. For now, he would not do it with his father's new ones. Rather, he turned Natasha's face so he could look directly into his eyes.

"This could be us in a few years; you and me with our children. We would start working on having all this on our wedding night. Are you ready to tell me, Tasha? Are you ready to marry me?"

"Derrick -"

Caitlin's terrified scream wiped out whatever Natasha was going to say. Derrick went over to the other bed and, gathering the little girl in his arms, gently woke her.

"What's the matter, red?" Derrick asked, using his nickname for her. "Did you have a bad dream?"

"Yes. Lots of wolves."

"Well, there are no wolves here, just Jasmine." The dog appeared at the door, then came up to the bed. "It was just a dream."

"Scary. Cold." Caitlin shivered in Derrick's arms.

Derrick looked down. There was a light quilt on the bed where she was sleeping.

But Caitlin always wanted extra covers. For some reason, she was never warm enough without at least two covers, and often wanted three. Derrick reached for another blanket and, still keeping Caitlin in his arms, wrapped it around her and held her until she stopped shivering and fell asleep. Derrick put her on the mattress and made sure she was well covered. Jasmine bumped at Derrick with her head until he stood up; the black lab jumped up on the bed and settled herself around Caitlin's back.

Derrick and Natasha both knew that the moment was gone, at least for now.

"Sleep safe, Tasha. I love you."

"Good night, Derrick. Ditto."

**December 20; mid-afternoon**

Paul hit the "save" key. His third draft of his Christmas Eve sermon was done. He would let it sit for a day, and review. Then he would ask CJ to read it, and consider her suggestions. Finally, he would read it aloud, taping and listening.

Paul looked up at the knock on the door. It was Natasha; she, CJ, and the girls must have returned from their trip to the mall to replace the makeup that was ruined yesterday.

When he and CJ had returned late this morning, Caitlin and Dansha told the two of them what happened yesterday afternoon. After a serious discussion about respecting the property of others, he told the girls to get their piggybanks.

"We don't have much money, Papa. We bought Christmas presents already," Caitlin reminded him.

"Then we'll just have to keep track of what you will owe," Paul told his daughters. "You do get an allowance every week."

"Forever?" Caitlin asked with a gulp.

Paul laughed. "No, not forever, Kitty-Caitlin. Just until you've paid for the makeup."

"What about punitive?" Caitlin asked. She knew the rules, knew the ropes.

"We don't have debtors' prisons in this country."

"Hunh?"

"In this case, no punitive damages, just compensatory," Paul explained.

Hugs were exchanged and the four women headed off to get the replacements.

"Come in, Natasha. I trust the trip was successful?"

"It was. But it really wasn't necessary."

"Yes, it was," Paul said firmly, and Natasha understood that the subject was closed. She also understood why even in his late twenties, Derrick respected his father's authority. Something about the man commanded that deference.

Changing the subject, Paul's father asked how he might be of assistance to her.

When Natasha told him of Derrick's proposal, of her desire to tell Derrick yes, and of her need for Paul's approval before doing so, Paul broke out in a smile that reflected itself in his eyes, in the rest of his body, as well as on his mouth.

"Of course, you have my permission and my blessing, child. You know, Derrick told me the night you met that he had found his wife, and I knew he was telling me the truth. Are you going to tell him now?"

"I'm not sure. I think I should, I mean, I've kept him waiting for four months. But I also thought about letting him know Christmas morning. I would write it on a piece of paper, something like 'Ask me again' or just 'Yes', and wrap it up like a present. Or maybe buy some costume ring and put it in the box with a note to give it to me. Too corny?"

When Paul asked her to consider humoring an old man, she prettily told him that he would never be an old man, but she was open to suggestions.

"Natasha, when my wife was dying, she asked me to save her wedding set for Derrick, to offer to his bride when he was ready to get married. Then, when I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with CJ, I took off my wedding ring and stored it with Alicia's diamonds. Would you consider wearing her rings? Or having the stones reset in something you like if the style doesn't suit you? And to have Derrick wear the ring Alicia gave me? Unless Derrick already has something ready and waiting for you?"

"I would love to wear Derrick's mother's rings. And, I'm sure he doesn't have anything for me. He said that everything was always up to me and that when I did say 'Yes' we would pick out something together."

"What if I hand the rings to Derrick Christmas morning, and tell him that you had asked me for permission to marry him? Would that work?"

"Yes, it's perfect!"

"Great. I'll go get the rings from the bank tomorrow. Listen, how would you like to come with me? We could go into the city and have lunch and you can help me buy something for CJ. It's something I used to do with Deborah, first for Alicia and then for CJ, until she married Tom and moved to Alaska. Caitlin's still a bit too young, and I've missed taking a daughter to lunch during Christmas break."

_**Capricorn**_

"_We'll be junior bridesmaids!" Leslie and Danielle cried out._

"_I need to do something different with my hair," Danielle said._

"_Let's go ask Rapunzel; she always has good ideas about hair."_

_The two girls ran off in the general direction of Betelgeuse._

"_I'm going to be mother of the groom!" Alicia exclaimed. _

"_Like I was in August," Brianna said, exchanging hugs with Alicia. Then she looked over at Reginald Montmorency. "Ye'll be so handsome in your RAF dress uniform, walking down the aisle wi' Natasha."_

"_I still say there's nothing like a kilt to make a man look really handsome and macho, but those medals will make quite an impression," Hugh whispered to Danny. "I'm glad I was able to be there for my girls. Of course, I wanted to be there for Brian, too, but there's something special about daughters. Just you wait until Caitlin grows up; you'll see."_

**December 21; 8:30 AM PST**

"Tasha, I was thinking we'd go over to Sausalito today," Derrick said as he refilled his coffee cup. "Some friends from Oberlin live there, they just had a baby, and I'd like to see them, like them to meet you."

"Actually, I have a much better offer. I have an assignation with a married man. He's going to take me to lunch in the city, the Palace Hotel, and then we're going shopping."

CJ caught the look that passed between father and son and smiled. By inviting Natasha to take part in this particular ritual, Paul was letting Derrick know how much he approved of the young woman, how ready Paul was to accept Natasha into their lives forever. Derrick mouthed "Thank you" to his father. "It's my pleasure" was the silent reply.

"Well, Derrick," CJ said, "the cards have already been mailed, so would you like to make cookies with a cougar?"

Later that day, Paul and Natasha followed the _maître d'_ to their table in the Garden Court restaurant. They had just ordered drinks when Paul heard his name being called. He looked up to see Meredith Howell, one of the senior partners at Derrick's old firm. He stood and exchanged greetings with the woman and, noticing the looks at his dining partner, a woman young enough to be his daughter but obviously not the Deborah that Meredith had met several years ago, Paul introduced Natasha as "a special friend of Derrick's who is spending Christmas with us. She volunteered to help me shop for CJ."

After the lawyer left, the two of them laughed about the assumption that Paul was keeping a mistress. Over their entrées, Natasha once again assured Paul that Alicia's rings, now sitting in Paul's inside breast pocket, were perfect and that there would be no reason to have the stones reset for her.

When they were finished eating, they first went to Macy's and then Neiman-Marcus, where they settled on a fire opal bracelet for CJ. With that errand done, they headed to the lingerie shop, where there were two packages waiting for Paul.

Arriving back in Kensington at 5:30, they saw an empty pizza box in the kitchen. There were also about six dozen decorated Christmas cookies sitting on the dining room table.

**December 25; 10:15 PM PST**

Paul checked the lock on the front door and then went into the living room to turn off the lights to the Christmas tree.

It had been a fantastic Christmas, the high point, so far, of a wonderful Christmas season. Yesterday evening, he had preached one of the best sermons of his life. His wife and children, except for Deborah, Tom, and his infant grandson, were in the first pew, and he had proudly presented them to the congregation, introducing Natasha as "a very special friend of Derrick". After the service, they socialized with the worshippers as they left. Then the Reeves family made its way to Mary Mag, where Paddy was one of Greg Watson's altar servers for Midnight Mass.

Caitlin and Dansha were asleep before the family got home, so Natasha helped CJ to get them into their pajamas and into bed while Paul and Derrick got the tree from the garage and into the stand. Finally, by three o'clock, the tree was decorated and all the presents set around its base. This year, there were no doll houses or bikes to assemble, and anything requiring a battery had been fitted several days ago, so the task was relatively easy. The stockings hung on the mantle were filled with candy, nuts, fruit, and silly little things. Finally, the powdery footsteps were placed in both directions between the fireplace and the tree, the cookies partially eaten and the milk partially drunk. The four adults went to bed, Natasha and Derrick to their separate beds in separate rooms, Paul and CJ to a brief, gentle act of love before catching a few hours' rest.

Paddy knew "the truth", but he was still excited and anxious to see what his parents had bought for him, so he woke Derrick at 7:15. The two of them made the cinnamon toast and cocoa before getting the girls and Natasha. Caitlin and Dansha were awake, but had been told by Paddy and Derrick that they had to stay in bed until the boys came to get them. Santa had their house at the end of his route, the girls were told; he could change his mind about presents at the very last minute.

Soon after the early breakfast had been consumed, Paddy snuck out of the master bedroom to shake the bells that indicated that Santa was leaving the roof and the little girls ran to the living room with everyone else in tow.

Paddy smiled at his parents as his sisters exclaimed in delight, glad to be included as a "big person". Then the eight year old in him took over and he began to tear into the pile of things that were obviously for him.

After the kids opened their gifts, the adults took turns opening their presents, ending with Paul's announcement about what had occurred between Natasha and him five days ago, followed by Derrick slipping his mother's engagement ring on Natasha's hand.

Paul went to the kitchen and checked the door to the garage. He looked out the window to the back of Lee and Dottie Hotchkiss' house, to the camping trailer where Derrick and Paddy were sleeping. It was part of the wonderful surprise that Derrick had arranged, bringing Deborah, Tom, and little Joe from Canada. The Jefferson's were sleeping in Derrick and Paddy's room rather than at the Durant. Paul's eyes misted again as he remembered holding the baby for the first time, wishing that Alicia could have been there with him.

"_I was."_

In three days, Tom and Deborah and the baby would leave for the East Coast and a couple of days with Tom's family. Derrick and Natasha would head south, with a gift card for two nights at a resort in Carmel and the second box Paul was given at the lingerie shop. On the 20th, after Natasha had spoken to him, Paul had called the shop and asked the owner to pick out something for Natasha and for Derrick. The only stipulation Paul had was that the garments not be red; that would wait for their wedding next August.

Paul stopped in the family room and poured two little glasses of Ash's cordial, He peeked into the girls' room; his two littlest girls and his daughter-to-be were sound asleep. Caitlin was adequately covered in her two blankets. Deborah and his grandson he entrusted to Tom; there was no need to check the other bedroom.

Finally, Paul entered the master bedroom. CJ was standing by the fireplace, wearing the black negligee he had bought her for Christmas. This year, CJ had bought little trees for each of the bedrooms and she was glowing in the colored lights. A featherbed was on the floor in front of the fireplace.

Paul set down the glasses and stripped to his silk boxers. Handing one of the glasses to CJ, the two of them toasted each other.

"Our fifth Christmas together, sweetheart. And every one of them more wonderful than the last." Paul reached over and kissed CJ's mouth.

"A grandchild and a new daughter. Certainly more than the usual gifts. Our whole family together, even if not under one roof," CJ laughed and kissed Paul's shoulder. "But next year, God willing."

"Maybe," Paul answered, kissing the top of her head. "But Tom may be on duty, or he and Deborah may not want to travel. Or if they do come down to the lower forty-eight, go see George and Louise first. The same for Derrick and Natasha; he'll be part of her family just as she'll be part of ours. I'm just grateful we have everyone together now, and will be grateful when it happens again, whether it's Christmas, or whenever."

CJ took the glass from Paul and set both pieces of crystal on the floor. She sunk to the featherbed and pulled Paul beside her. "As long as I have you."

"Merry Christmas, sweetheart. Thank you for being so wonderful to me," Paul told his wife.

CJ opened her arms and her legs. Encircling her husband with love and limb, she quickly rubbed him to engorgement and sighed with satisfaction as Paul buried himself in her wet readiness.

"A special Christmas; the most wonderful time of the year. But every time of the year is wonderful with you, Paul. Love me, and let me love you." 


	30. Once a Trainer, Always a Tranier

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC, Donna, Sam, Josh; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult – adult issues and activity and such and such

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcome

Turn over."

Paul pushed himself up on his elbows and rotated onto his back. "I hear and obey," he said with a smile, using the words that CJ often used with him, using the same tone as she did, one that combined affection and self-mockery.

CJ playfully slapped the side of her husband's hip as she reached for the bottle of oil. She straddled his thighs and, pouring some of the warm liquid on Paul's chest, continued the massage she had begun on his back, arms, thighs, and calves.

Paul closed his eyes as CJ's hands moved in circles from his abdomen to his shoulders, down to his waist and back to his sternum. The oil had a faint sandalwood aroma, pleasing, masculine, and somewhat sensual.

Not for the first time, Paul was grateful that he was no longer in his early twenties. The light pressure of CJ's groin resting on his own was arousing, as was the scent emanating from the warmth between her legs, but he was able to enjoy the sensations and the desire without immediately responding to that need. Were he twenty-two again, as he had been that first year with CJ, this particular interlude would long have been history. Instead, it had been a good forty minutes since CJ had pulled him up from the table in the kitchen, and grabbing the warmed bottle of oil in one hard, pushed him backwards with the other, kissing him and undressing him, across the family room and into their bedroom. Then she shoved him onto the mattress, and fell on him, stripping off her own clothes, neither of them really caring that their heads were at the foot of the bed.

Some men had a problem with a woman as aggressor in the bed; it didn't take an advanced degree in Psych to realize that it was a reflection of the man's insecurity in his masculinity, in his role in the relationship. Paul was not one of those men. For the most part, he and CJ were equally proactive and reactive in sex, before, during, and after, no matter who made the first overture. But there were times when he needed to assert himself, or CJ needed him to assert himself; to be the pirate, the sheik, the adventurer – except neither of them were into sexual playacting. And then there were the times, not as often as for him but also not rarely, when CJ took the lead and Paul was more than happy to follow.

There were also men who, even if they were able to respond to female initiative in foreplay, would insist on being dominant when it came time for joining. Again, Paul was not one of those men. Had he been, he would not have guided her that second night, asking her to kneel over him; he would not have held his erection steady as she tentatively lowered herself onto him. He had waited until she said she was comfortable, until she assured him that she was in no discomfort, and then he had taken her hips in his hands and had guided her in the movements that would give him pleasure. ("But that's for me, CJ; you need to find your own motion, the one that is good for you.") Then Paul put his left hand on the small of her back, gently directing her, and used his right to give her the undulating motions she needed and that were elusive given her posture.

Top, bottom, or side by side, Paul Reeves knew what he was, knew who he was, and lying on his back looking up into the face of woman he loved and seeing her control their ecstasy did not diminish that sense of self. He loved to watch her breasts move with the motion even though, after nursing three children, they were no longer quite as pert as they were on a nineteen year-old initiate to womanhood. When he was not looking at her face, Paul liked to watch her groin as it pistoned up and down on his engorged shaft, to see the daylight, or semi-light, appear and disappear as his thick mahogany steel penetrated her creamy softness.

In eight minutes, or twelve, she would raise up just enough to take in the head, and soon after that her movements and his fingers would take them to climax. For now, he would revel in her ministrations.

In eight or twelve minutes. Paul had best make sure she was wet enough for him; he reached for her folds.

"This is all about you," CJ said as she pushed away his hand.

"Sweetheart, I need to make you ready - ", Paul protested.

"You don't think I'm aroused for you?" CJ said with a smile.

Moving away from him, she lightly kissed his erection and slid over his feet, repeating the kiss.

Leaning against the headboard, she opened her legs and reached for her core.

"I think I'm ready, but if you want me to be sure, I'll take care of that, too." She moved her fingers in a circle. After a minute or so, she asked "Can you hear me squeak with the wetness?"

Paul held out his hand and spoke with ragged breath.

"Please."

Crawling on hands and knees toward him, CJ smiled and said, "Since you asked nicely."

Afterward, he needed to roll slightly from side to side to let CJ straighten her legs one at a time and lie with the length of her body against his. Another change from those first months together, he thought as he pulled the covers up and over the two of them. That first time, those two years thirty-five years ago, a much more agile CJ would have been able to make the moves without any assistance from him.

CJ sighed in contentment and kissed the tight little nipple just under her nose.

"I'm so glad we were able to arrange our schedules for this, Paul, With Paddy back in school and having Scouts on Wednesday afternoons, plus being able to put the girls in daycare, we can have the whole day to ourselves."

"Well, this week and next week. Remember, the contractors will be starting on the addition by the middle of February," Paul answered, brushing the fly-away strands of hair from her face.

"Are you saying that we won't be able to close our bedroom door and draw the drapes? After all, they'll be on the other side of the house," CJ countered.

"I'm just saying that I like my privacy, sweetheart, and I'm not sure that they won't know what's going on."

But there will be ways, Paul thought. We can be romantic without necessarily having intercourse. And we can always take a room at the Durant.

CJ had fallen asleep on him, literally as well as figuratively. For all her height, she was a slight woman (although she often mentioned the five pounds she had gained since her wedding to Danny on top of the seven she had gained since her undergrad days) and the weight on his body felt good. Paul decided against shifting her to his side and, loosely wrapping his arms around her waist, began the process of settling his mind into joining her in a nap.

Later, he told himself, he needed to figure out how to gently, tactfully, tell CJ that he had found the sight of her stimulating herself disturbing. Other men found it arousing, he knew. He was aware that such scenes were part of the X-rated videos shown at bachelor parties. (Parties to which he had not been invited since his ordination. As a Protestant minister, he had not been required to take a vow of celibacy but apparently society expected a fair amount of chastity from him.)

He wondered what had put the idea into her head because it was certainly not something he had ever asked of her. Was it something she had read in the drugstore novels, the guilty pleasure she had picked up from Carol and Margaret? Of course, Paul reminded himself, he was not the only man in her life. Had any of them made it part of their love play? Had Danny?

_**Mars (the men's place)**_

"_Of course not! Don't you remember that time when you came back from Atlanta when she told you about the shower hose?" Danny exclaimed._

"_Danno, me boy, watch your language. Look at Tal's face. Believe me, that's not the kind of thing a father wants ta hear about his daughter, no matter how old she is, no matter how married she is. See your five and raise." Padraic Concannon put his chips in the center of the pile and turned to his right._

"_Leo?"_

"_I fold"._

Good Lord, he had completely forgotten. He remembered CJ telling him how she had used the shower massage unit that week he was in Georgia; he remembered, his curiosity probably increased by all those missed stag parties, asking her to show him what she had done. And he remembered feeling unaroused, feeling slightly ashamed of himself, as if he were peeking through curtains, invading her privacy.

Was he losing his mind, Paul wondered? Was it normal aging or a sign of something more serious? He prayed to God that it wasn't the latter, not for himself, he would accept whatever God's providence had in store for him, but for CJ. Please don't put her through that again, he prayed. Once was more than enough. Paul remembered Talmadge Cregg as a vibrant man in his early fifties, intelligent and passionate about his vocation to teach. Paul had not known the man he had become twenty-five years later. But he had known too many others who had been afflicted with the same dreaded disease, known too many other loved ones whose anguish was heart-breaking.

Paul's last cogent thought was one of self-chastisement, not only for forgetting about the past but also for wondering about it. Danny and Alicia had no place in their bedroom. Those memories were kept alive in the living room, were honored in the other rooms of the house. But in this room, in this bed, they had no place in his and CJ's consciousness. In this room, in this bed, no other woman existed, no other man existed.

They woke a little before noon and made love again. This time, Paul found himself taking the lead, guiding CJ in much the same way as she had done him earlier. After showering, the two of them sent out for pizza, reveling in the rare luxury of not having to consider that Paddy hated olives, that the deep wisdom of childhood had convinced Caitlin that mushrooms were "icky", and that Dansha was going through a bit of a vegetarian phase. Then they watched a "grownup" (nothing salacious, just serious) movie, with Paul slipping his hands under CJ's sweater and down her pants. When the movie was done, there was enough time for CJ to slip to the floor in front of the couch, to unzip Paul's jeans, and to return the pleasure she had received during the film.

After Paul left to pick up the kids, CJ went to the kitchen to prepare a snack for the three of them. Passing by the counter en route to the refrigerator, she turned on the little television. It would be the first time they had accessed the outside world since early in the morning.

"Of course there will be many questions as the FAA investigates the causes of this terrible crash, Jim, but right now, the biggest question, the most pressing question, has to be, who will take Lewis Berryhill's place as the most likely Democratic candidate for president this fall."

CJ dropped the bowl of fruit-laced Jell-O ™ on the counter and turned to see the CNN anchors fade from sight as the network's logo screen showed the words "Fatality in Iowa".

The phone rang; the Caller-ID screen displayed "Lyman, J and D".

"Josh?"

"No, it's Donna. He's running around like a dervish, using my cell and his, trying to get a committee together. I keep trying to tell him that he really should talk with Sam first, but he doesn't hear me. Anyway, I wanted to warn you because I'm sure you're next on his list. In fact, I just heard him tell Toby that 'of course, CJ will be on board', and -"

"Donna, what happened? I just turned on the television two seconds before you called," CJ interrupted her friend.

"You haven't seen any TV or heard any radio all day? Are you sick or something?"

"Well, no. Neither of us are in our offices on Wednesdays; Paddy's back in school and we put the girls in daycare all day and - ".

"Have a little bit of CJ/Paul time," Donna finished the sentence. "You're lucky to be able to do that once a week. Josh and I struggle to get a date night once a month. Getting time by ourselves at home is rarer, unless you count 15 minute quickies."

"Hey, you make the most of what you've got. But back to the question at hand?" CJ asked.

"Sudden snow storm in the mid-West. Berryhill's plane went down outside of Davenport. Explosion. Only three fatalities, but one of them was Lew. The news reports say he and the pilot were helping someone trapped in her seat when the plane - . It's just terrible."

CJ could hear the unshed tears as Donna tried to keep her voice from breaking.

"And with no viable front-runner, Josh is going back to pushing at Sam, isn't he?" CJ asked.

"And he wants to present Sam with a fait accompli, a ready and willing staff from the best of the Bartlet and Santos campaigns and administrations," Donna replied. "Toby's already on board, Ginger too, Edie, Lou Thornton, even Ryan Pierce, you remember him, he was a snarky intern right after Zoey's kidnapping. Wait just a sec; can I put you on hold?"

CJ waited for a bit while Donna apparently answered another call.

"Would you believe my husband just texted me He says that Liz Westin is in and that he's trying you next."

Indeed, CJ's phone signaled that she had another call.

"Well, I guess I better take his call. Thanks for the heads up, Donna. Love you."

Thirty minutes later, CJ was sitting at the table, nursing a mug of tea when the kids came pouring in from the garage, eager to tell her about their days. She was helping Dansha take off her jacket when Paul came into the kitchen, laden down with carry-out bags. CJ gave him a questioning look. Dinner ingredients were in the refrigerator. The menu had called for grilled chicken cutlets, rice, and broccoli.

"I stopped at the store," Paul said, somewhat unnecessarily. "I also picked up a movie for the kids for after dinner. I had the radio on in the car and heard the news; I figured we would need to talk."

Not for the first time in her marriage (or even in the past month) CJ was thankful for such a perceptive man, such a kind man, in her life. Well, two of them, she amended.

"Anyway," Paul added, "Paddy and I are going to the study to do our homework. Why don't you play with the girls? I think Dansha has the same finger-painting gene that Caitlin has, so it's obviously from your side of the family."

After supper, with the kids engrossed in the latest Pirates of the Caribbean flick in the family room, CJ was once again at the kitchen table, this time with her husband and this time with a glass of wine rather than a mug of tea.

"So, is Sam going to run?" Paul asked.

"Josh hadn't yet talked with him when he called me," CJ answered. "But I think he will. There really is no one else who can beat Haffley, and, more importantly, I really think that Sam would beat Haffley."

"Josh wants a team behind him when he does go to Sam with the idea, and Josh wants you on that team," Paul stated the obvious.

"How do you feel about that, Paul?"

"First of all, sweetheart, what do **you** want? How do you feel about it?" Paul asked in turn, smiling at his wife.

"_It's déjà vu all over again," Danny whispered. "She's been through this before."_

"I've been through this before, remember," CJ smiled."But that was different. I wasn't vested in Matt Santos the way I'm vested in Sam. I was burnt out but I wasn't sure I could say no. And working in the White House was the devil I knew. But Danny told me I would get good at something different if I wanted something different. And he was right. And I am good at this life, at being a university administrator, at being a mom, and most of all, at being a wife, first to Danny and now to you. And I like, no, I love, being those things. But Sam is my friend, and if he says he needs me - ".

"Sweetheart, if you want it, we'll figure it out."

"I'd like to help, but I don't want the campaign life again. I don't want to go from hotel to hotel to hotel, eating weird food at weird hours. I want my kids. I want to sleep in my own bed. I want to sleep next to you." The last sentence was said in a whisper.

"Then tell Josh that, sweetheart," Paul replied.

"I did. He said that Donna was on board, and she has a life she enjoys, she has kids. I guess I'm not Donna."

"No, CJ, you aren't Donna. And there's nothing wrong with that. You were an early bloomer, Donna is a late one. Who knows, maybe estrogen levels play a part. And Donna would have Josh on the campaign trail with her; I'm sure they'd be together for a good part of the time. In any event, let's wait on Sam.

"Now, how about I make some popcorn and we join the kids?"

**February, 2018; Berkeley, CA (Pacific School of Religion faculty offices); mid-afternoon**

"PSR. Paul Reeves."

Paul didn't recognize the phone number that appeared on his phone so he used his more formal greeting.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Reeves. Would you mind holding for Governor Seaborn?"

So Sam was coming to him first, Paul mused as he waited for the transfer. Was Sam doing it out of politeness? How does a man ask another for the use of the other's wife? Not **that** way, of course, Paul quickly told himself. Maybe those English and French kings three hundred years ago did, when they wanted some married woman as mistress.

The phone clicked.

"Hey, Paul, I apologize for keeping you waiting. I was with Warren. Don't quote me on this, but our state treasurer's motto is to never use one word when you can use ten", Sam said with a slight laugh. "So, how are CJ and the kids? I understand from Morgan that Derrick finally got Natasha to say 'yes'. Bonnie won the pool, she says. And your grandson?"

Paul answered the governor's questions, inquired about Morgan, Gemma, and Donnie in turn, and then, anticipating the answer, asked Sam how he could be of service to him.

"Paul, if I had the time, I'd come down to talk with you in person, or send a car to bring you here. But I'm operating under a time constraint. I'm sure you know that Josh had moved heaven and earth to try to get me to run this time, and that he had reluctantly accepted my decision to defer to Lew, but now he's telling me that I have to run.

"Paul, I've been handed my political life by chance and circumstance. I became lieutenant governor when Abe Miller died; I became governor when Gabe Tillman was killed in that terrorist attack nine years ago. And now this horrible accident that took Lew Berryhill's life. Paul, is God guiding all of this? And what kind of God would take someone else's life to make things easier for me? Am I being obtuse to His messages, that He has to do these horrible things to others to get me to do what He wants?"

Paul quickly disabused Sam of the idea that God would act in the manner Sam had outlined.

"If it's not God, Paul, could it be, ah, someone, something else?"

Paul shivered in spite of himself. The concept of competing forces of good and evil was as old as religion itself. While he certainly did not hold with the idea that the devil was as powerful as God, he did believe that there was a power that did not hold the good of mankind, the good of the universe, as primal.

"It's been said 'There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamed of in your philosphy', but I don't see you as a tool of evil, Sam. What's happened in your life is just a set of somewhat eerie coincidences," Paul assured the man.

"Yeah, well. Look, Morgan and I are still weighing everything. It would obviously be a complete one-eighty of our plans. What would it do to Gemma and Donnie, of course, and, keep this under your hat, we weren't going to go public for another month or so, but we're expecting another child in September. I know as soon as I tell Josh, he's going to tell me it's an eight point bump, but - ".

"You don't want to use your family a campaign gimmick, or even appear to be doing so," Paul finished the sentence. He took a deep breath.

"Sam, it goes without saying that if you decide to run, it would be foolish to not want the best people at your back. Josh has already called CJ, asked her to be part of the team."

"And you would rather she didn't," Sam added. "I understand."

"If CJ wanted to campaign with you, we'd figure out how to make it work, Sam. The thing is, I think she's happy with the life we have. The thing is, I think that had Danny not died, she would have been happy with the life she and Danny had. The university makes her happy; the kids make her happy. And I make her happy. I don't think that flying around the country, away from us for days, weeks at a time, would make her happy. But she loves you, Sam, and she thinks you would make a good president. She's conflicted. I'll support whatever decision she makes, but should she ask me to make the decision for her, should she ask me to be the heavy because she doesn't want to hurt you, I'll tell her to tell Josh 'no', and take whatever grief he, or you, would throw at me."

"You know, Paul, being with me doesn't have to mean being _with_ me on the campaign. CJ spent five years working with the man that perfected the global office, the global committee. She could advise, strategize, contribute, from the comfort of her kitchen or her bed."

"Well, I would prefer to be the only man in her bed," Paul laughed, "but I understand your meaning. But by the same token, she could be with us, the kids and me, and still be a million miles away."

"I told Josh that Morgan and I would give him an answer tomorrow morning. If it's 'yes', the next call would be to her, Paul. I have to ask," Sam said quietly.

"I understand. But not tomorrow, at least not tomorrow morning. She won't be back until late in the day."

"Won't be back?" Sam asked. "From where?"

"Santa Monica. It's five years since Danny passed."

"Oh, God, I forgot! So you're having a memorial?"

"There will be a Mass at St. Monica's. Hogan is coming in tonight and will fly her down and back. She wants to do this alone. Sam, I'm sure that her memories, good and bad, of her time with Jed Bartlet, are affecting her thoughts about joining you and the others."

"Do you want me to wait? A week? A month?"

"No. We've established a pattern, she and I. We tend to get a little moody a day or two before the anniversaries, me in May, her at this time of the year. The day Alicia died, the day Danny died, are the roughest. But it doesn't linger."

Paul's Outlook calendar lit up; it was 3:45 and he had a late meeting scheduled to start at 4:00.

"Sam, I have a committee meeting; but if you need to talk more, I can call back."

"Thank you for your time, Paul. You've helped more that you could ever know."

"My pleasure, Sam. And whatever you decide, CJ and I are behind you all the way."

There was enough time to call CJ, to talk with her, to apologize once more for the lateness of the meeting, for the fact that it would be after seven by the time he got home. Once more she told him that it was okay. Hogan called. Her departure was delayed, wouldn't be getting into Oakland until 9:30.

"So it's a tossup as to who will arrive last, Hogan or Derrick," Paul said.

"They'll come in together. Derrick called here a while back and volunteered to stop off at the airport for Hogan. They have each other's numbers and have everything set up."

"I thought I was going to run over to get her."

"Well, our older son is very considerate, no surprise considering the father," CJ said. "Anyway, the girls are really excited about the company."

"And Paddy?" Paul asked.

"Is now Pat." CJ answered. "Apparently, Trevor Wilkins did a report on Irish immigration in the mid-nineteenth century and announced that 'Paddy' was a derogatory term for an Irishman, an ethnic slur. A discussion ensued. Then Ted Baker said that even if it wasn't an insult, Paddy was a childish name and that sealed it. Our son is now Pat."

"I'll try to remember. Listen, I need to get going. See you in a few hours. I love you, sweetheart."

**10:30 PM**

"Yes, thanks, Dad, I'd love some more."

Derrick held out his glass and Paul filled it again from the decanter holding MacDonald whiskey.

"Hogan, can I get you some more juice?" CJ asked her niece. (Since she would be flying in the morning, alcohol was forbidden to the Navy pilot.)

The four adults were sitting in the family room, relaxing in front of the fire.

"I'm fine; anymore and I'll risk messing up your couch," Hogan replied. Then she turned to Derrick. "So, tell me about the wedding. I can't believe you guys are going to pull it off in less than a year."

"Didn't you do it in seven months?" Derrick asked.

"Yes, but it was an Annapolis wedding. All the church stuff was done by the chapel planners. There were two other ceremonies that afternoon, so there was no choice of flowers or that sort of thing. It was a military wedding so all the guys were in dress mess. My bridesmaids picked a dress from an internet site and I knew ever since my junior prom that I wanted a very simple white Vera Wang gown with a mantilla. My favorite Academy professor lives in a beautiful old house on the bay and he allowed us to use it for the reception. His wife is a born party hostess and she ran the reception like it was D-Day."

"Well, Natasha, her sister Tatiana, and her mother are also very good at this sort of thing, I guess. By the way, CJ, I'm supposed to tell you that the wedding colors are cream and crimson. Natasha's already contacted Deborah with the website. I have a picture of the dress for Caitlin, Dansha, and Tasha's niece; they can be in white sandals. The lot of them are coming out to visit in early March; it might be a good time for the families to meet. We men will be in black tuxes with silver ties, no cumber bunds."

"Well, the girls are all excited about being in another wedding," Paul told his son.

"Which brings up another point – Paddy."

"Pat, please!" CJ said with a laugh. "I told him that he might be a bit too old for a ring bearer, to prepare him for not being asked.

"Definitely too old and too tall for a ring bearer," Derrick said. "I have another role in mind for him."

"Junior usher?" Hogan asked.

"Not quite. Best man."

"Really?" asked Paul.

"Really. If Dad weren't performing the ceremony, I'd want him. I don't want to choose among my friends and Pad – Pat is the only brother I have, well, I guess Tom is a brother-in-law. Anyway, Tasha and Tiana, the matron of honor, are fine with it. And I did talk with Gary, that's Tiana's husband; he said he'd be glad to help. If it's okay with you guys," Derrick looked from CJ to Paul.

"He's not going to be able to throw you a bachelor party," CJ said.

"I don't want that kind of party," Derrick said.

"Well, I'm sure he'll do fine," Paul said.

"I need to get to bed; I need eight hours," Hogan said, rising and heading for the living room.

"And I'm bushed, myself," Derrick added. "I'm tired enough that I think I'll be able to deal with a bunk bed."

"Well, if you can't, pull the mattress down to the floor," CJ told him.

After the two young people left the room, she turned to Paul. "Shall we?"

"Not just yet, sweetheart."

Paul needed to talk with CJ about his conversation with Sam. Not the stuff about Sam's concerns about God and good and evil; that was pastoral counseling. But Paul needed to be honest about Sam's intention, should he choose to run for the nomination, to ask CJ to participate on the team, albeit from Kensington.

It was a conversation Paul would prefer not take place in their bed.

"Oh," CJ said quietly when Paul had finished with the details of the phone call.

"I'm not sure whether he was asking me for permission to approach you or to feel out what my sense of your answer would be, CJ. In any event, I couldn't let him hit you blind with the idea."

"It was probably a little of both, Paul. I suppose it would be an option," CJ said slowly.

Paul could sense the doubt in her voice. He also knew that CJ had a long day ahead of her, a long, emotionally taxing day.

"Anyway, Sam said he was still weighing everything, so why don't we wait for that. Let's go to bed."

**February 2, 2018; early morning**

Paul could only lay there, his right arm around her shoulders, his left hand stroking her hair.

One part of his mind registered the fact that her groin was pressed against his, with only the thin silk of his pajama bottoms between them. Luckily, although the feeling was rather pleasant, he was able to keep himself from arousal. The other part of his mind registered the fact that she was sobbing her heart out for another man and that he totally understood, totally knew that it took nothing away from their marriage, took nothing away from her love for him.

The alarm sounded and CJ's sobs slowed and quieted. It was time to get ready for the trip to Santa Monica.

Sixty minutes later, Paul was standing in the drive, watching Hogan and CJ leave for the airport. He felt an arm around his shoulders and turned to smile at Derrick. Over the past five years, Paul had come to take comfort in his son's company on this day.

"Let's go feed the kids, Dad. Paddy wants your French toast."

**Santa Monica, CA**

CJ unfolded the lawn chair that Diana had thoughtfully put in the car and sat next to the headstone. She set the flowers, the two baseballs, and the copy of the _Post_ (sealed in heavy waterproof plastic) on the gravesite and cast one glance to the car where Diana and Hogan, each with a book ("Don't worry about us, take as long as you want, lunch will keep") waited.

Diana had met their plane at the Santa Monica city airport and had taken CJ and Hogan directly to St. Monica's, where Mass had been said for Danny Concannon. Several of the neighbors (Hank, Frank, Clara, Wally, Sally, Ken and Laura) were at the church and after the service, they hugged and kissed her, told her they would see her later at lunch.

"I love you, Daniel Michael Fabian Concannon, and I miss you," CJ said, the tears flowing freely down her face. "Your children love you and miss you as well. Paddy wants to be known as Pat; I hope you and your father don't mind. He's not nine yet and he's already five feet. Everyone says he looks like me, but whenever he opens his mouth I hear your voice. And Caitlin looks so much like the pictures Erin gave me of you and that age, so much like the ones of Aisling at five. She says that she remembers you and Danny, I believe her, even though she was only ten weeks when you left us. And your and Alicia's little namesake is the perfect little child.

"I'm a grandmother, Danny, at least a step one. It seems funny to say that just thirty seven months after giving birth. But I don't feel like a grandmother. And Derrick's Natasha finally said yes; this time, I'm mother of the groom and all I have to do is enjoy the wedding. Of course, Paul and I are going to help with the expense.

"Danny, Sam is going to run for president. Well, he hasn't officially decided, but I know he will. Have you seen Lew Berryhill up there yet? Tell him I'm sorry, I know how much he wanted to be president. Anyway, Sam wants me to help and I don't know if I can tell him 'no'. He even says, at least he told Paul, that I don't have to be on the trail with him, that I can be a telecommuting advisor. Danny, I don't think I can do it. I've managed to strike the right balance with Berkeley, Paul, and the kids. I don't see how I can take on anything else and give what I want to give to my family and my job. But how can I tell Sam that? How can I tell Josh that?

"_The same way you did eleven years ago, Jeannie. You tell them that part of your life is over. You tell them that you have a husband, children, a grandchild, that you love, that you have a fulfilling career that you love. You tell them that you will always be available as a sounding board, or for advice, but always from home, and always as an __**ad hoc**__ thing. But you also tell them that you can't take on the responsibility of overseeing any part of the campaign._

"_I see I'm still training you, CJ, after all these years, so I'll tell you what I told you then. You'll get good at it, get good at telling people 'no'. _

"_I love you, CJ. I love my life, if that's the right word, here in heaven, being with my parents, meeting your parents, being with our boys and our precious Danielle. I love what I have with Alicia. I'm happy here, and I'm happy that you and Paul are so good together, for each other and for the kids. But I wish I could still be there with you, to hold you, to kiss you, to bury myself inside you._

"_Now, I think it's time for you to go. Our friends are waiting for you on the block. Your husband and children are waiting for you at home. And the next president of the United States is waiting to tell you that he is going to run, is waiting to be told that he will run and win without you, except in spirit."_

CJ felt a warm pressure against her mouth, as if a gust of wind had come through the cemetery. She ran her hand over the engraved names of her first born sons and that of their father. With a final "I love you", she rose, folded up the chair, and headed toward Diana's car.

_Danny watched her leave. He took hold of his sons' hands and turned around. Alicia was waiting for him. The boys ran off with Pistol and Alicia extended her arm. He smiled at the woman, took her hand, and the two of them walked in the direction of Cassiopeia's Chair._

**Early evening; Kensington, CA**.

CJ shifted slightly against Paul's side and took comfort in the warm rise and fall of his chest.

After a couple of hours with the old neighbors in Santa Monica, CJ and Hogan, with Maggie in tow for Pat, had returned to the Bay area.

It was only a few minutes after that, barely time to hug Paul and the kids, that Sam had called. There had been no time to tell Paul before she told Sam that she could not be a formal member of his campaign team, even a "work from home" member, so all she could do was look directly at Paul as she gave Sam her decision. She listened with half her mind as Sam said he understood, and then asked if she could at least come to Sacramento to be there when he formally announced. The other half of her mind was completely engaged in silent conversation with her husband. Yes, my dear, I am sure. Yes, I am saying it with a completely contented heart. I know you would have done whatever it took to make it work had I wanted to do it. I still remember the lessons Danny taught me so long ago. I love you, Paul.

When Derrick and Hogan took the kids for supper and a movie, CJ and Paul were able to verbalize the mental conversation, to confirm and convince each other of their acceptance of the situation.

And then, they had come to this bed. It was the first time in over four years of marriage that they had made love on the anniversary of Danny's or Alicia's death.

Paul had been hesitant when she first made the overture and she wondered if he felt intimidated by the memories. Once CJ reassured her husband that she was not acting out of obligation, but rather out of love and desire, he became a very willing participant.

Paul opened his eyes, and catching her perusal of his face, smiled, turned to his side and lifted up on one arm.

"I love you, sweetheart. I thank God for you."

"I love you, Paul. I thank God for you."

_Alicia put her arm around Danny._

"_I'm sure God had something to do with it," she told the red-haired reporter and author. "But they should be thanking you. If you hadn't had the grace, while dying, to insist-. Danny! People can see!"_

"_Sooner or later, CJ and Paul will remember. And what have I told you about the difference between people seeing and people watching?"_

_He smiled at her with gentle reproof._

"_I guess I haven't finished with my training duties today."_

**Author Note:**

This brings CJ, Danny, Paul, Alicia, Derrick, Deborah, Paddy, Caitlin, and Dansha, except for a couple of epilogs, to the point where they were when I originally wrote "Scenes from an Alternate Universe" as what was supposed to be a one-shot story. In the past three years, it has become an important part of my life, combining so many facets of my imagination. Thank you for allowing me to tell this alternate universe story alongside "Holding Hands on the Way Down".Author Notes


	31. To Everything, There is a Season

**To Everything, There is a Season**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Teen

Warning – stressful topics

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

For Algernon, Robin. Bo-Diddle, and Destiny – I love you and remember you. Until we meet at the Bridge.

**April 28, 2018; Kensington CA; late afternoon**

"And so, all-compassionate God, we commend to your eternal love, Jasmine, our beloved four-legged, fur-coated family member. We ask you to watch over her as she roams your heavens, free from all disease and pain. Until You choose to call us to be with You, care for her as You do all Your creatures. We ask this, as always, from You, triune God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Amen."

From force of habit older than she cared to remember, CJ crossed herself as Paul spoke those final words. She noticed that Pat did the same, but that Caitlin and Dansha did not, until they noticed their mother and brother doing so.

At a nod from his Papa, Pat gently lowered the metal can that had held the Christmas fruitcake from the Trappist monks in Gethsemane (an annual gift from one of Paul and Alicia's old friends from Lexington) and which now held the cremains of their beloved dog into the prepared grave in the back yard. Then everyone present – the family, including Derrick, who had come up for the weekend, Billy Marshall, his mother Amy, and Lee and Dottie from next door – threw a flower onto the makeshift coffin. Then Derrick shoveled dirt into the hole, a couple of Gerbera daisy plants were taken from their containers and planted, and the makeshift marker (shaped by the kids from Play-Dough® a week ago and left to cure) was put in place. The permanent stone was on order.

There would be a small, short reception ("Like we had for Daddy," Pat insisted). Derrick suggested that they go out for dinner, but the kids said they just wanted to stay around the house.

**March 15, 2018**

"Mama home! I see car!"

Dansha ran into the family room to inform her father, brother and sister of the arrival of CJ and Jasmine from their trip to the vet.

By the time the four of them were in the kitchen (the kids running, Paul walking at a slower pace), the sounds of the garage door closing, two car doors opening and closing, and the excited bark of a Canine-American were heard, and the door from the garage opened to admit the missing family members.

Jasmine accepted the hugs of the kids and exchanged sloppy kisses with them before going to the sliding glass doors to the deck with the kids in tow.

"I'm sorry the kids were more excited to see the dog than to see you, sweetheart," Paul told her as he pulled her into a one-armed embrace and kissed her mouth.

"This time, I'm not," CJ replied.

Paul pulled away and looked at his wife's face. Seeing the redness in her eyes, he reached up to stroke her jaw with his thumb.

"Tell me."

For the past week, Jasmine seemed to be a bit "off". Her tail continued to wag enthusiastically when anyone came into the house, be it a stranger, a friend, or just a family member who went outside to put something in the trash. But her appetite was a bit off, she seemed want to end walks more quickly than was her habit, and, for the past three days, she struggled to get up on Pat's bed.

"It's called hemangiosarcoma. It's a cancer of the blood vessels in the liver, spleen, gall bladder, that sort of thing. Melinda wants to do a splenectomy tomorrow."

Paul fought the tears that came to his eyes and he saw CJ begin to get weepy with the telling of the tale.

"And her prognosis?"

"There is no cure. Removing the spleen will give her, and us, some time, maybe a month, at most three, to say our good-byes, to prepare for the inevitable."

"We'll tell the kids after supper?" Paul asked and, getting the agreeing nod, the two of them stood there in embrace, comforting each other and steeling themselves to get through the next two hours of preparing the evening meal, eating it, and then telling the children.

**Later that same day**

No, they reassured a distraught boy, it was nobody's fault.

"According to Dr. Melinda, dogs are often very good at disguising their pain. Unless we had had some other reason for doing an ultrasound on herstomach, we would not have noticed anything. Her gums are paler than they should be, due to the anemia from all the blood seeping into her organs, but that was also gradual," CJ explained. Pat was cuddled up against her, the way he did so many times during those last months with Danny. In a twinkling, in an instant, her "almost nine, almost grown-up" son was her baby of five years ago, needing his Mama to shield him from the world.

"Jasmine has to go to be with Jesus, like Daddy did?" Caitlin was old enough to grasp the context of the conversation, but she was still trying to understand.

"_Yes, like me. If it weren't for that insurance physical and the tests, I wouldn't have known until a few weeks before I left."_

Dansha hadn't said anything yet, but she was lying on the floor behind the dog, her arm lightly resting on the dog's shoulders.

"Daddy was with us for six months before Jesus took him," Caitlin said. "Maybe God will wait that long, or longer, before taking Jasmine."

Paul and CJ looked at each other. Paul gave CJ a look that said, I'll do it.

"It's different with animals, Caitlin," Paul said. "When they get to feel so bad, when the pain gets to be way too much, we do something called euthanasia. Dr. Melinda will give Jasmine something to let her die peacefully. She'll just close her eyes and stop breathing."

"I don't want Jasmine to go!" Caitlin cried. She ran up to Paul. "Please, Papa! Don't let her die!"

"Oh, Kitty-Caitlin," Paul sighed, pulling the little girl into his lap and into his arms, "I wish I could make her better."

CJ saw the tears in Paul's eyes and her heart broke for both her daughter and her husband.

Pat looked up at his mother. "Derrick has to know. He loves Jasmine, too."

**March 23, 2018; 9:45 PM**

"Here you go."

Paul handed the glass to Derrick and sat down.

Father and son sipped on their portions of MacDonald pot-still whiskey and sighed appreciatively.

"CJ?" Derrick asked.

"Fell asleep lying down with Caitlin," came the reply. "Paddy, excuse me, Pat is wrapped around Jasmine on the lower bunk. We're trying to keep a balance between allowances for what these last weeks will be like and keeping a sense of order for the kids. Last weekend, we let all three of them sleep here, with sleeping bags, so all of them could be with Jasmine. But come Monday, we kind of said that, assuming the dog could get up onto the beds, the kids would have to take turns. So, do you want to get into the rotation?"

"Well, I'm not sure Jasmine should be getting onto an upper bunk," Derrick said lightly. "I mean, if she decides to get up, that jump is not just a couple of inches."

Last Thursday, when told of the events of the day, Derrick had at first wanted to drive up the next day, after work, to "be there for Pat". CJ suggested that he wait until this weekend. After the surgery to remove her spleen, Jasmine would be coming home the same day, but she would be given Valium over the weekend in order to keep her from trying to do too much and ripping her stitches. Derrick accepted her advice and told his brother that he would come up now and that he would "come when it's time" as well.

"Jasmine seemed almost normal when I came in," Derrick observed. "Is it possible that the splenectomy helped?"

"It relieved pressure, but Dr. Gordon also gave her a blood transfusion and she's coming by twice a week to give Jasmine a Vitamin-B injection." Paul sighed and repeated to his older son what he had been telling the younger kids all week. "But it isn't a cure; it's only a temporary reprieve."

"I know; I've been researching myself. It's going to be hard for them. Pad – Pat adores that dog. He told me it wasn't fair, that Danny had twelve years with Pistol and that Jasmine has only been with the family for about two. I told him that, from what I understood, Danny got Pistol as a pup and that the vet estimated that Jasmine was about 4 or 5 when we adopted her. I also told him that, from what they could determine, Jasmine's life before coming here was a bit rough and that at least the last two years of her life, she was a treasured and coddled member of the family."

"Yes, it will be rough, and I'm glad that you came up, both for you to have some time with the dog and to be a source of support for Pat. Sometimes, I think that Danny wanted you for his son as much as he wanted me for his wife. But enough of sad things. What good things are happening with you? There's something different with you, son. I can sense it. You've got a sense of serenity about you that is remarkable, considering - "

"That I'm about to get married and change my life? You've always been unusually perceptive with us, Dad, so why should this time be any different? Last August, when Tasha was finally ready to be intimate with me, we were tested for HIV and other STDs. Well, I didn't want to rest on that one test. With my past, I wanted to make double sure that I wouldn't be exposing her to anything, so we continued to use condoms even after the results were negative. Anyway, at the end of February, we tested again, and, by the way, it was Tasha that insisted on her being tested, I would have accepted that she hadn't been with anyone except that monster. Anyway, the second set of tests were negative and now there's no need to be careful.

"You know, Dad, before, I assumed that it would feel so much better without, and it does, but it's more than just the sense of *really* touching her. There is a mental intensity, a spiritual intensity, that is so unbelievable. Even the time and the act of using the diaphragm doesn't take away from the incredibleness of it all."

Paul's face must have asked the question he was too tactful to pursue.

"I know everyone recommends that newlyweds wait a while, but we want to start trying for a family right away. However, we don't want to be successful before the ceremony. We want Tasha to fit into her dress; we want to be able to enjoy wine, champagne, brie, the whole nine yards. We want to have the ceremony and the celebration, to let our family and friends know that we are binding ourselves to each other, to ask for their support, to make our promises to each other and to God in their company. Natasha's ob-gyn said that if she used pills, we would have to wait for several months after she stopped using them before trying to conceive. So, until our wedding night, it's the diaphragm. It *is* a barrier between us, and there were times, at first, when maybe I was a little too, too," Derrick searched for the right word.

"Exuberant," Paul suggested with a smile. Now was not the time to tell Derrick that yes, for the most part, newlywed couples were advised to wait for some time before adding children to their lives. Marriage, even after living together, changes a couple, and, ideally, the two of them should take time to find their comfort level in the new relationship. But ideal is not always real. If Derrick and his daughter-to-be wanted to become parents shortly after marriage, Paul would give them whatever support they would need to make both adjustments at pretty much the same time.

"I wasn't hurting her, Dad," Derrick hastened to explain, "at least, not intentionally, it's just that sometimes - "

"One or both of you need the intensity," Paul finished. "I understand, Derrick. Remember, I told you that at times sex can be hard, assuming both of you are okay with it, but it should never be rough."

"So, anyway," Derrick continued, "that's why, if I'm radiating any sort of glow, or aura. I'm incredibly happy, Natasha's incredibly happy, except that she feels horrible about Jasmine, of course. If she hadn't had this thing with the placement tests for the incoming Honors freshmen, she would have come with me," Derrick explained for the second time.

"Dad? What about you? Is there something bothering you? You don't seem to be yourself, either, but in a troubling way. Is there anything I can help with?"

"Me?" Paul asked quickly. (Almost too quickly, Derrick thought). "Well, it is stressful, helping the kids to deal with Jasmine's impending mortality. And for CJ and me, we're both affected by it as well. Jasmine is part of our family, and we're all losing her, we're all broken-hearted about the cancer."

You're not telling me everything, Dad, Derrick said to himself, but I'm not going to pursue it tonight. However, I'm serving mental notice that I'm not going to let it drop forever.

**Earth time April 21, 2018**

_Jasmine opened her eyes and immediately knew that something was drastically different. For one thing, she didn't hurt anymore. For another, she wasn't shivering, even though there wasn't a blanket covering her. _

_And everything looked different. What she last remembered was being in the family room, on an air mattress on the floor, surrounded by all her people, and Dr Melinda had given her another shot. Now she was in a field filled with flowers and trees. Instead of everything being just lighter or darker, everything was bright and different; Jasmine knew that this was that "color" thing that her people talked about but she couldn't see._

_Suddenly another dog face blocked out the view. It sniffed her face and then its tongue licked her nose._

"_Hi, Jasmine. Welcome to heaven. Welcome to Rainbow Bridge. I'm Pistol."_

"_Where's Paddy, I mean Pat? And Caitlin, and the rest of my people?"_

"_Where they live; see?"_

_Jasmine looked down and she could see herself, lying very still in the family room. Her people were all around her, crying, hugging her (only it wasn't her), and hugging each other. Dr. Melinda was packing up her bag and saying something about taking as much "time as you need before carrying her to my van. Cremation should take about three to seven days, depending on, well, how many others - "_

"_I want to be with them."_

"_You will," Pistol said, "When They send for them. In the meantime, you'll be here with us."_

"_Us?" Jasmine asked._

"_All the other dogs, cats, birds, fish, all the other animals. Look, this is Gail. Danny gave her to CJ when they first met. And, of course, the other people. Look, they're waiting for us."_

_Jasmine looked up and saw the man whose picture Pat and Caitlin called "Daddy". He was standing with the lady that Derrick called "Mom". There were five kids, a boy and a girl that looked like Paul, two boys that looked like CJ's brother Randy, and a girl that looked like Paddy but with Caitlin's hair. They crowded around the two dogs, and told Jasmine that she was part of their family now._

**April 28, 2018**

Paul walked into his study and removed his ceremonial stole. He really should get back to the family, he told himself. The kids were still extremely fragile and would need both their parents, as well as their big brother.

But he wasn't ready to be the parent, not just yet. For one thing, he was as devastated about Jasmine as the children. And then there was the other thing.

Paul braced himself on the edge of the desk, sagged his shoulders, and sighed.

"Dad? What is it? Please let me help."

Paul looked up to see Derrick in the doorway. He summoned up the strength to use his most parental, most authoritative, most "I'll brook no dissent" tone.

"Just that it's been a long six weeks, son. Really."

"Okay," Derrick said, *his* tone implying I don't believe you for a second, but you're my father and I respect you.

"Derrick, would you mind staying with the kids for a bit?"

As Derrick walked away, Paul saw that CJ had been standing behind him, the day's mail in her hand. She set it on the table in the foyer and, walking into the study, shut the door behind her.

"Tell me."

"Tell you what, sweetheart?" Paul smiled at his wife.

"Paul, you can try that with Derrick, but I'm your wife. Something is going on with you, something has been bothering you for the past two months. No," CJ lifted up her hand, "don't. You've been trying to hide it, but I can sense it. The kids are broken up about Jasmine, and you've been great with them, but I can sense that it's sometimes not quite as naturally flowing as it usually is."

"CJ, Jasmine's death hurts me too," Paul protested.

"I know that; but after five years, not to mention my time with Danny and my time with you when we were kids, I know that there is something else. Please, Paul, share with me," CJ pleaded.

Paul started to protest again, realized he would only be postponing the inevitable, and gave in.

"It's the Jasper Hay case. They want me to be there when - ", Paul stopped, not able to go on.

Jasper Hay had bombed an abortion clinic, killing thirty-two people, had been tried and sentenced to death by a federal court. The execution was scheduled for next month. The final appeals had been rejected, and President Haffley had dismissed any chance of clemency, seeing no problem with killing someone who killed someone for "killing a preborn".

"CJ, I don't see how I can do it, be there when they execute him. The thought of it terrifies me. But then I tell myself that it's what I signed on for when I told God I would go where, and to whom, He sent me, where He needed me to go and I feel I have to do it. And then I picture it, when they strap the man onto the gurney, his arms extended like Christ's when they nailed Him to the cross before raising it, and I get sick to my stomach. And these past weeks, with Jasmine, Pat and Caitlin asking me why we help animals to die and if we ever help people to die, plus Pat and his classmates aware of the pending execution and him asking me about the morality of the whole thing."

And it became too much. Paul started crying silently, fell to his knees, and wrapping his arms around CJ's waist, put his head against her stomach.

"Oh, my darling, why have you held this inside yourself?" CJ said, reaching down to kiss the top of Paul's head. She pulled him to his feet and walked him to the loveseat. "You don't have to do this. In fact, given what you've said, you can't do this. Participating in this will change you forever, and I speak from experience. Simon Cruz," CJ said when Paul gave her a questioning look. "My only involvement was telling the President when it was over and announcing the time of death to the Press Corps and it weighs on me to this day. All of us, Sam, Toby, Josh, especially the President, none of us would want to go through it again, would have wanted to go through it the first time had we known."

"But, and forgive the cliché, what would Jesus do?"

"That's not the question, Paul. You, my beloved husband, are not Jesus. You are one of the countless people He asks to help Him with His mission, but He doesn't expect you to do everything. You have the right to say 'No' when your own mental health depends on it. There are too many other people depending on you, us, your students, your church, for you to risk putting yourself in a perilous state. You will tell them that," CJ ordered.

"Yes, sweetheart. I hear and obey. And thank you. I feel as if the weight of the world has been taken from me."

"Well, this time, it was my turn to be the strong one."

"_Oh, CJ, I am so proud of you. I taught you well, my beloved," Danny said._

"_And I'm proud of you, Paul. I know how much you pride yourself on being the one in charge, the one in control. It's good to see you accepting help."_

_Alicia took hold of Danny's hand and the two of them walked to the bench by the edge of the field. Then she picked up her sketch pad and began to capture the sight of the two black labs running joyfully after a group of butterflies._


	32. PTI

PTI – Pardon the Interruption (with apologies to Tony Kornheiser, Mike Wilbon, and ESPN)

I apologize for interrupting this story, but someone posted an anonymous (in the sense that there is no user logon id) review and this is the only way I can respond to the views of that person.

S/he (the anonymous reviewer) states that my portrayal of CJ is "little more than a spectacular failure". I have very deliberately avoided writing much that is set in the Fall 1999 through January 20, 2007 time period. Rather, I feel that I have taken the CJ Cregg that we saw in "Institutional Memory" with Toby and with Danny and have developed a scenario in which she and Danny (and Donna, Margaret, Sam, Bonnie, Ginger , etc.) did "get good at new things". CJ and Danny made a life for themselves, one which combined elements of their Washington experiences with those of their new neighbors and friends in Santa Monica, San Luis Obispo and the Hollis world, the academic community of USC, and, yes, church. Then, in the particular alternative universe of "Fold in Gently" and the stories based on it, five years out into that new life, her world came crashing down upon her in a way one hundred times worse than it did when Toby revealed his role in the Greg Brock incident or when Leo died. Once again, CJ did what she did with Danny, this time with a man who is a complex combination of natural leader, intrinsic male psyche, compassionate lover, etc., and who happens to be the first man with whom CJ was intimate. With my latest chapter of "Fold in Gently", CJ is eleven years removed from the Bartlet administration, and, to me, it is natural that she would change. Of course, she still maintains her basic values, but I think that the CJ I am portraying shows a lot of those values. For example, in "Crackpots and These Women", when asked if she knows "Ave Maria", she doesn't say, "I used to be Catholic" or "I was raised Catholic"; she says, "I'm Catholic" – present tense. In her scene with Simon Donovan in "We Killed Yamamoto", she talks about feeling more feminine because of his height in a way that leads me to believe that there is a part of her that wants a more "female/male" relationship than perhaps she was used to having.

As far as having sexist overtones, I has been my experience that men and women do have such occurrences in their relationship with each other and that these events are handled differently at different times, depending on all the other things that impact a person's reactions to what goes on in his or her life – a person picks his or her battles – and that is what I see CJ and Paul doing, sometimes consciously, sometimes not. I would also state that I have seen "real" sexism (and experienced it myself) and that a man who encourages you to get a Ph.D., who insists on sharing in the cooking, cleaning, and child care, who can sleep in the passenger seat when someone else is driving south on California Rte 1 between Carmel and Big Sur, who has no problem with you being the aggressor in sex, etc., is not that bad a deal. Is he perfect? No.

The reviewer refers to CJ as my protagonist. In reality, in this universe, it is the complex pairing of CJ, Danny, Paul, and Alicia that is the protagonist. This particular site does not allow an author to designate this grouping as some other sites do.

As far as the "bizarre,. . . overly-religious undertones", I stated at the beginning that I would be using this alternative universe to explore ways in which Celtic mysticism and Christianity could co-exist – "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy" and I am not apologizing for it (or, for that matter, anything else that the reviewer finds offensive).

Which brings me to the point that, as CJ said to Danny in "Take out the Trash Day", eludes me: if my stories are troubling the reviewer, why is he or she wasting his or her time reading them? "Fold in Gently", "Fruit of the Vine and Work of Human Hands", and "Whatever the Lady Wants" add up to slightly less than a quarter of a million words. If the reviewer is upset with all my work, we're talking well over half a million words. That's time that could be spent doing something else, liking rewatching your DVDs or even writing your own West Wing stories. When I find a portrayal of West Wing characters not to my liking, a plotline that annoys me, errors of fact, grammar, spelling, etc., that go beyond a certain threshold, I stop reading. I thank you, anonymous reviewer, for stating your opinion, but I will continue to follow where my muse takes me. If my work is troubling to you, then, _chaçun à son __goût__, _and go in peace to other authors. To the rest of you, I apologize again for taking up your time.


	33. Hershey

**Hershey**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Introducing Hershey, a chocolate lab about 4 months old

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

Author Note:

This has been the hardest chapter I've ever attempted. After the first couple of paragraphs, it turns to dark and disturbing events, and please feel free to stop reading when I indicate that. I've been as non-explicit as possible, but what Caitlin does and how Paul reacts is upsetting. However, I felt I had to bring Caitlin's mysterious little events to a climax and close. After this chapter, there will be no more of them in the Reeves family.

The first few paragraphs do advance the story line for CJ and Paul, so please read them. I had thought about putting them in a separate chapter, but they really aren't long enough to merit a separate chapter.

**June 22, 2018; Albion, CA; 11:15 AM PDT**

"Dad, I've got Paddy's and my stuff in the utility room."

Derrick Reeves walked into Paul and CJ's bedroom and looked around. "Would you like me to take the sheets from your bed?"

Paul looked up from the hamper where he was sorting dirty clothes by color.

"No, they can stay for now. I'll take care of the wash. Why don't you start the grill; we can have hotdogs for lunch."

Paul told himself that he wasn't a suspicious man; he told himself that he believed in a loving God, not a petty one. Still, he had lost his first wife and his current wife had lost one husband and one "what might have been" man. You never knew; life could change in an instant. So, as had become his and CJ's custom, he would not change the sheets on the bed, the sheets on which they had last loved each other, until she returned from Berkeley this evening.

Going through the last batch of things from the hamper, Paul came across a pair of CJ's panties. The faint scent of her that came from the underwear teased at his nostrils and he pressed them to his face, thinking of her and how, this night, he would press his hand, then his mouth and finally his hardness into her warm, wet darkness. His body reacted to the thought and he laughed to himself, willing himself back to non-arousal. He was lucky, he told himself, not for the first time. Many men his age, men he counseled in his role as minister, men with whom he worked, men with whom he socialized, needed the help of modern pharmacology to react the way he did. He was lucky, he told himself, that he had a woman, a wife, that not only caused him to have these reactions but who was a willing and loving reliever of the need caused by those reactions. She had only been gone three days, Paul told himself, that's not so long.

CJ had driven down to Berkeley on Tuesday. The Chancellor had nominated her to fill a vacancy on the Academic Senate and her presence was required for a two day sub-committee conference Wednesday and Thursday. Later today, she would meet with Sam, Josh, Donna, and John Hoynes to critique Sam's (and the party's) education platform. Sometime after Aisling and Brian Stewart arrived and cleared customs, the three of them would come back to Albion.

Then Paul told himself that it had been seventy-six hours since he had held her and kissed her intimately and he wondered if he could get through the next ten or twelve.

Paul sensed that CJ had turned a corner, so to speak, in life over the past few months. For the past five years, since Danny's death, she had retreated from the Hollis Foundation and "Road to a Better World", the arena in which she had operated since the end of the Bartlet administration and the beginning of her life with the red-haired reporter who had waited eight years for her. Berkeley and the nascent multi-disciplinary program in Philanthropic Management had provided the perfect new situation for her, a way to challenge her mind and provide for her children without taking too much time and talent from the little ones (and, to be honest, from him). The reincarnated love between the two of them provided her with emotional security and physical satisfaction.

Now she was ready for more. No one recovers from the loss of a spouse at the same pace, but it was interesting that both he and CJ needed about four years, give or take a couple of months, to come back from the depths of grief. CJ knew that she could never give to Sam Seaborn the same degree of devotion she had given to Jed Bartlet. CJ also knew that she could never go back to the project she had conceived, birthed, and nurtured with Danny's love and involvement as surely as she had conceived, birthed, and nurtured Danny's children.

But CJ's special talents were not limited to the venues of politics and philanthropy; it was obvious to Paul that academia would be the next beneficiary of his wife's skills. He was secure in her love for him and for their blended family and he knew that she would not put him, their relationship, or the children in jeopardy. The lessons that she and Danny had taught each other, had learned together, had lasted beyond the marriage between the reporter and the press secretary. Paul's belief that the two of them would adjust to whatever the future held was grounded in the rock solid foundation of their love. Paul knew instinctively that the Academic Senate was only a first step. While he doubted that CJ aspired to the Board of Regents or the presidency of the university system, he could easily see her rising through the ranks, to senior administration, perhaps even to Chancellor. And if that was what she wanted, he would be there. And if he was wrong and she did someday want the Regents or the entire system, she would have his support.

"_Just as she had mine and I hers," Danny said._

"_In one sense it's a different life for him," Alicia said as she played with Danny's hair. "But I'm sure that if I had lived and wanted to do more with my art, especially with the kids grown, Paul would have been there for me as well."_

"Pat, you get the hotdogs and the condiments, I'll get the buns."

The sound of Derrick's voice and the activity in the kitchen brought Paul out of his wool-gathering. Picking up the pile of light-colored clothing, he entered the kitchen just as Dansha came running in from the deck.

"Papa! Caitlin cook Hershey!"

**WARNING – ALLUSIONS TO SOMETHING DARK AND DISBURBING. FEEL FREE TO SKIP THE REST OF THIS.**

**11:30 PM**

Derrick poured about two ounces of Aisling's liqueur into each of two brandy snifters. Then he shrugged his shoulders and divided the rest of the decanter's contents between the glasses. If any day were to call for generosity, today was it. And, anyway, the creator herself was on her way, hopefully past Navarro on route 128, with more liqueur and more pot-still whiskey.

Picking up the snifters, Derrick headed outside to the deck where his father sat staring into the darkness beneath the canopy of the forest trees.

Paul looked up as Derrick approached. He smiled slightly as he took the offered glass.

"You should go to bed, son. It's been a tiring day."

"I'll wait with you, Dad."

Paul heard the echoes of himself in Derrick's words, the quiet tone that announced it would brook no argument. A father always loved his children, but Paul was happy to find that he also liked Derrick, enjoyed having Derrick as an adult, a friend, in his life.

Derrick looked up over the trees to the bright moon.

"The road should be well-lit, Dad. They shouldn't have any trouble."

"She's an excellent driver. I just wish the mobile coverage was better," Paul replied. Then, sighing, he put down his glass and started to get up. "I better check on - ".

"Everyone's okay, Dad. I just made the rounds."

"Hershey?"

"Shallow but steady breathing, as the vet indicated he would do with the drugs. I changed the icepacks on the burns. Pat's curled up on the mattress beside him." In spite of everything, Derrick smiled at the memory of his brother's tearstained face lying next to the chocolate lab puppy that Derrick, with Paul and CJ's permission, had picked out at the shelter as a ninth birthday present for the boy.

Derrick anticipated his father's next question. "Caitlin and Dansha are in bed together. Caitlin seems to be a bit restless but she's okay, at least physically. And you saw that she was able to sit on the bench, so you didn't, well, you know. And Dansha's got Caitlin wrapped completely in her arms." Derrick decided not to tell his father than the younger girl had awoken and told him "She didn't mean to hurt Hershey; it's something from before."

"And you?" Paul asked, looking at Derrick's hands. He knew that his son's quick action, pulling the puppy from the grill and plunging the terrified animal in the pool, had prevented a much more serious outcome. "We should have taken you to the ER; should have gotten you some painkillers. I think we could have trusted Phil and Jennifer with the kids. And what happened."

"The pain's fading, Dad. And you know we have to keep this as quiet as possible, for Caitlin's sake." Derrick left unspoken what he and his father both knew – his little red-headed stepsister needed more help than the family could give, but that neither of them wanted to involve the authorities. Derrick also left unspoken the thought that he had felt the need to be as clear-headed as possible; his father was as upset with himself as he was with Caitlin and her actions and Derrick needed to be the grown up in charge. Very subtly, very tactfully, but very much the grown up in charge.

The two men sat in silence for about fifteen minutes and then they heard the approach of a car. The headlights of Derrick's convertible, which CJ had driven down to Berkeley, lit up the drive and in a few minutes, CJ, Aisling, and Brian were out of the car, the young Stewarts jabbering about the weather delay that kept their flight from arriving on time interspersed with the normal greetings being exchanged. At one point, Derrick noticed CJ looking quizzically at his father and knew that she sensed Paul's unease.

It had been a long day, especially for the travelers, and the group moved inside with the intention of going to bed. As CJ led Brian up the stairs to the enclosed loft suite, Aisling lingered behind.

"I'm here now; I can help. We'll deal with all this tomorrow. Everything will be okay," she told Paul and Derrick.

Paul locked up the house and walked into the bedroom to find CJ waiting for him.

"Tell me," she softly commanded and, sitting down beside her, Paul obeyed.

CJ gasped as her husband told her what Caitlin had done. "This is more than we can handle, Paul. This, and the doll last summer; we need professional help. I guess it's something between coincidence and serendipity that her godmother is trained in psychiatry and just happens to be here."

"_It's neither," Danny told Alicia. "I'm sure that Aisling knew that Caitlin would need her help." _

"Actually, sweetheart, Aisling said something cryptic to me, something that almost implied she knew what happened, maybe even knew before it happened," Paul said as he kissed away a couple of tears on CJ's cheek.

"Danny always said that Aisling was kind of fey, that's the word he used. Apparently it kind of runs in the family on both sides, stronger on the MacDonald side than the Concannon."

"There's something else, CJ. I'm afraid I lost it." Paul took a deep gulp and continued.

"I've never hit a child out of anger. I've never spanked a child without first going through the entire discussion about what he or she had done was wrong and then why this particular act or incident required more than the discussion, the grounding or time out, and the monetary penalties. I've never spanked a child without knowing beforehand exactly what I was going to do. And I've never spanked a child in front of siblings.

"But this afternoon, when I saw what Caitlin was doing to Hershey, I lost it. I really have no memory of the time between when I saw her and when Derrick's urgent "Dad! Dad!" and I looked up to see Pat and Dansha staring at me in horror and Derrick standing in the pool holding the puppy in the water."

Then it was CJ's turn to comfort Paul. She understood why he was so upset with himself, how embarrassed he had to have been as he apologized to Caitlin and to the others. She knew how much it must have cost him to ask Derrick how many times his hand had hit Caitlin's rear end (five), and later, to ask his son to check to make sure that Caitlin's butt was not bruised, or worse.

Paul and CJ talked some more, trying to reassure each other that they were not to blame. Then, they slept fitfully in each other's arms, hoping that the morning might bring answers.

**June 24, 2018**

Aisling, Brian, and Caitlin waved as the others drove away from the house.

"Why don't I take Hershey for a nice walk?" Brian told Aisling.

"That would be good. And thank you," she replied, giving him a hug.

Aisling watched her husband as he and the dog scampered to the road. She had told Brian long before their engagement of her gifts and he had accepted them. He was glad, he told her, that she didn't inherit all of Sorcha's talents, glad that she couldn't conjure at will, couldn't choose what future events she could foresee. He would be there when her visions caused her stress. He only asked that she let him know when she was asking him to do, or not do, something because of what she saw.

So when Aisling told him that she needed to accept the invitation from UCLA for the fall term not only for her professional career but because "my cousin will need me", and that they needed to cross the Atlantic almost three months before the start of school, Brian told her "yes".

Aisling didn't foresee exactly what Caitlin would do, but Sorcha did. The two of them talked about what Aisling would need to do to help not only Caitlin but the others.

Yesterday and the day before, Aisling spent time with the entire family.

She used post-hypnotic suggestion (and something else, something Sorcha had taught her) to help Pat and Dansha. The two kids would never completely forget what Caitlin had tried to do to the puppy, but it wouldn't gnaw at either child. And neither Pat nor Dansha would ever mention the incident to anyone.

Aisling told Paul, CJ, and Derrick that Caitlin was a deeply disturbed child but that she could be helped. Aisling told them that she wanted to be the one to help her little cousin. Ideally, she needed to be alone with the girl. Was there a place, maybe at the winery, that she and Caitlin could use?

Paul suggested that Aisling, Caitlin, and Brian stay in Albion while the others took a trip up the coast into Oregon. Luke and Alex had asked them to come up to Agness for a couple of days.

So with the others on the road and Brian and a nicely healing Hershey off in the woods, Aisling turned to the little girl who needed her.

"Come. I'll make it all better."

**June 28, 2018**

She understood everything. It made sense now. And because she knew about the past, the past would no longer torture her, no longer cause her to do frightening things, no longer had any power over her.

She knew about the happy times in caves in what is now France, Iran, Peru, Ireland, and other places.

She knew about being exposed as an infant in Norway,

She knew about the Persians on Samothrace.

She knew about the fires in what is now Germany.

Aisling told her that this time she would be happy. Aisling told her that he was already here, about nine years longer than she had been here. They had already met, and he knew. And now, the next time they met, she would know too,

"But other than that, it might be better if, for the next ten years or so, you didn't have all this constantly floating around inside you. If you want, I can do that for you."

"For the next ten years, except for when I see him, I can just be  
Caitlin? Just be a happy little girl? But when the time is right, I'll know and he'll know? You can make that happen?"

"Yes."

"Then yes."


	34. For Better or for Worse

**For Better or for Worse**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult – adult issues and activity and such and such

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

**August 2, 2018; Phoenix, AZ; **

"God, I want to do you right now," CJ whispered to herself as she looked down at Paul's face, restful in sleep. His slight smile hinted that the erection that tented the sheet over his hips was perhaps the reaction to a very pleasant dream and not merely a full bladder. "I want to climb over you and ride you like the cowboys at the rodeo you took the kids to yesterday and scream 'Yee Haw!' when I come. I missed you, Paul Reeves."

And under normal circumstances, she would kiss him awake and proceed to do exactly that. (And if the stiffness was indeed the result of urinary urgency, she knew exactly what to do once Paul returned from the bathroom.)

But under normal circumstances, there would not be a second bed in the room and it would not be occupied by a five-year old redhead and two raven-haired girls, one nine, the other three "and a half".

Of course, CJ could still wake her husband with kisses and whispered wishes. She could turn on her side and Paul would come up behind her, his breath warm and moist on her neck as he alternated kisses and words, the words themselves alternating between verses from 'Song of Songs' and more earthy descriptions of what he thought about her breasts and her ass, what he wanted to do to her insides and to the little nub buried at the top of her folds.

And, of course, there was what they did with each other yesterday afternoon in the shower (Pat was old enough to keep an eye on the girls for a little bit, so CJ and Paul set up the kids with a video and told them to watch while their parents got ready to go out to dinner.)

And, of course, there was what they probably would do with each later today when Joe had said he would take the four youngsters to the zoo "to give the two of you time to catch up with each other."

But none of that really mattered when CJ's body and her psyche wanted hard, noisy, pounding sex **right** **now**.

CJ sighed again and looked at the bedside clock and closed her eyes in mild frustration. Five-fifteen in the morning. She had spent the past three days in North Carolina with Sam, working on parts of his foreign aid platform, and had adjusted to the time difference. Now she was wide awake. However, after flying into Phoenix yesterday afternoon, she fell asleep soon after dinner while Pat was still describing how much it had been driving in from the Bay area for Derrick and Natasha's wedding.

CJ felt the bed shift and opened her eyes to find Paul awake and smiling at her.

"Good morning, sweetheart."

"Good morning, my love. I'm sorry I fell asleep last night," she said, reaching up to pull his mouth to hers.

"You have nothing to apologize for," Paul replied. Then he slipped out of bed and headed for the bathroom.

When he came back, CJ looked at him. Her laugh softened the disappointment of her words. "I guess it's just as well. I really wanted to jump you but with the girls right here, especially Maggie - ".

"You know damned well that the deflation/inflation issue can be resolved rather easily, CJ," Paul whispered into her ear, "and we can deal with the restrictions; we have before. But I **am** hard pressed not to cuss out Tasha's mother for not getting the block of rooms at the Embassy Suites. The Hyatt is nice but with the suite arrangement at the Embassy, we could have put the girls outside.

"But for now," Paul finished, slipping his hand under and up CJ's nightgown.

Fifteen minutes later, CJ sighed as she turned round to face her husband.

"I love you, Paul Reeves."

"And I love you, Claudia Cregg Concannon Reeves."

They settled into each other's arms and caught up on things not mentioned in phone calls over the past few days.

"So, the drive was okay, bringing the kids by yourself?" CJ asked.

"Breaking it up at Frank and Diana's helped, of course, but we really do have fairly well-behaved rug rats. I'm sure that if I had made the whole trip in one day, they might have been a little cranky at the end, but still, I would have managed," Paul answered.

When Pat found out that all the other members of the bridal party would be bringing spouses or significant others, he had asked Derrick if, as best man, he could invite Maggie to join them for the wedding. Derrick told his little brother that he thought it was a great idea, but that in the end it was up to "our parents and Maggie's folks". The Reeves and the Muñoz' talked it over and agreed to Pat's wish; between summer camps and sports teams, the two kids had not seen each other since February and both had excelled in the classroom this past year. So, at the rehearsal dinner tomorrow and at the reception on Saturday, Pat and Maggie would be at the head table with the bridal couple, Natasha's sister Tatiana, and her husband Walt.

**Later that morning**

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us, Mama?" Caitlin asked. "There's a new baby gorilla!"

CJ looked into the earnest little face and thought of Caitlin's father. If Caitlin were eight or nine years older, CJ would swear that the little gleam in the blue eyes indicated that her daughter knew exactly why her Mama and Papa weren't coming on the trip to the zoo. But at this age, CJ was sure it was just the natural human excitement at seeing a warm, cuddly baby animal in a nursery and a diaper.

_"And if I were there and had my way, it would still be innocent human excitement even when my little girl was thirteen or fourteen!" Danny exclaimed. The other men – Leo, Hugh, Reggie Montmorency, and Rusty – all nodded in agreement. The ladies – Alicia, Abbey, Helen, Jessica, and Brianna – just laughed._

"Joe, are you sure you'll be okay with the four of them, by yourself?" Paul asked Alicia's father.

Please, please, please say "yes", CJ thought to herself. This morning was nice, very nice, but she still needed some unrestrained, uninhibited sex with her husband.

"Of course, I'll be fine," Joe reassured them. "The kids will behave themselves, won't you?"

"Of course we will, Grandpa Joe," Pat replied. Earlier in the day, when the kids were in the room that Pat shared with Derrick (at least for the next two nights), Derrick told them that he was giving Grandpa Joe some "discretionary funds" and that if the four of them didn't cause "any consternation", they could get super huge ice cream sundaes before coming back to the hotel.

**August 3, 2018; 8:15 PM MDT**

"And, Derrick, if and when you do give me some nieces and nephews, I will make sure that I tell them about never lying to Natasha and you **before** they are old enough to be spanked."

_"That's my boy!" Danny exclaimed to the others at the "rehearsal dinner" that he and Alicia were hosting._

CJ laughed along with everyone else as Pat finished up his toast.

The wedding rehearsal had gone off relatively okay, considering that the ceremony was in a church that was new to most of the wedding party. At first, the wedding coordinator for the congregation had had some misgivings about a couple of Natasha and Derrick's choices – the woman thought three flower girls (Caitlin, Dansha, and Natasha's niece Jenna) was "at least one too many", she wondered out loud if "a nine year-old child could handle the best man duties", and she was rather "miffed" that the newlyweds would not be jumping the broom – but Paul used his years of dealing with brides, mothers of brides, and church bureaucrats to handle the situation with a minimum of discord.

CJ's phone vibrated as Derrick finished thanking "the only brother I had until Deborah got married" for his words and Natasha's sister Tatiana rose to give her toast to the couple. It was Aisling's number, so she stepped away from the table and took the call. Erin and Robin had flown over stand-by several days ago, combining the trip for the wedding with a chance to visit with Aisling and Brian in Los Angeles. The four of them decided to visit the Grand Canyon area for a few days; they were now about half-way between Flagstaff and Phoenix and should be at the Hyatt Regency by ten. CJ told Aisling that the rest of them might not be back from the rehearsal dinner by then, but that the rooms reserved for the four of them were in the same block as the ones occupied by the Reeves, Joe, Pat and Derrick, Randy and Gina, Gwen and Ned, and Alex and Clara, "so you'll hear us when we get back". Then CJ told Aisling that Natasha was thanking Tiana and that she was next, so she needed to ring off.

"Derrick and Natasha, it should come as no surprise to everyone who knows me, or knows of me, that God has, for the most part, blessed me with a wonderful life. There have also been some horribly, awful things in my life, most of all, the loss of my first husband, Danny, almost six years ago. But out of that tragedy has come my marriage to Paul, and out of that has come my relationship with Deborah and Tom, with you, Derrick, and now with you, Natasha. I have been blessed with being able to enjoy adult children at a reasonably young age, with the chance to enjoy being a grandmother – no pressure there, thanks to Deborah and Tom – at a reasonably young age, and to still have had the incredibly rich and fulfilling experiences I did. Natasha, your mother, and Derrick, your father and I, have lived 'for better or worse' and we can tell you that the 'better' is what makes the 'worse' bearable. May you have many, many 'betters' to help you with the hopefully few 'worses' in your lives together."

Paul put an arm around CJ's shoulders and quickly kissed her cheek as the others raised their glasses and toasted the couple.

"That was beautiful, sweetheart."

_"I love you, Derrick. Honor your wife the way your father honored me. It will be the best tribute you could ever give me. You are a blessing to me, Derrick, even in heaven, and if I were there, I would welcome your Natasha into my heart because I know she loves you as much as I do." Alicia raised her glass and wiped a tear from her eye._

Derrick stood up and used his hands to quiet the crowd.

"CJ, thank you, thank you for everything. Some of you know," he said, looking out at the other tables, "but many of you don't, that if it weren't for CJ seeing that I was not completely happy in San Francisco, for seeing my pleasure at working with the Hollis folk and pulling some strings, I doubt that Natasha and I would have been brought together. I was already thankful for the happiness you have brought my father, and for Pat, Caitlin, and Dansha, but now I owe you so much more. Mama, I love you."

By this time, CJ was crying openly and she went round the table to hug Derrick and his bride.

After Natasha's mother finished her toast, it was Paul's turn.

"Natasha, twenty-one months ago, at Bonnie and Jean-Luc's house, my son told me that he had just met the woman he was going to marry. I smiled, but didn't laugh, because that was the way it happened for Derrick's mother and for me, and I knew in my heart that it could happen for him. Then, nine months ago at Christmas, you came to me and very sweetly asked my blessing to tell Derrick 'yes', you became my fourth daughter in my heart and in a few hours, you will become same 'in law'. All of us – CJ, Joe, Deborah and Tom, Pat, Caitlin, Dansha, and I – joyfully welcome you.

"Derrick, what can I say? I've loved you since the moment I put you in your mother's body and I am so proud of the man you have become. And I know that your mother would be, correction, **is**, so proud of you as well. You pursued Natasha, and won her love, with the same intensity, ingenuity, and integrity you have shown in every other endeavor and my heart overflows with happiness for you. I am privileged to be witnessing your vows tomorrow and I am privileged to be your father."

"_My sweet little girl, how I wish I could be there to walk down the aisle with you, to give your hand to that wonderful young man who broke through that horrible wall you built around yourself. Be happy, baby girl. _

_"Derrick, I know you will love my daughter beyond all imagination and I'm glad to welcome you as my son," Reggie Montmorency raised his glass to the young couple._

**August 4, 2018; 4:25 PM MDT**

CJ smiled at Tom as he crooked his arm and proceeded to escort her to the front pew on the right hand side of the church. She was aware of the undercurrent of whispers (coming mostly from the bride's side) as people realized either that the "mother of the groom" was a) white, b) someone they had seen on television at some point, or c) both.

"You look stunning; that dress is stunning," her stepson-in-law told her and CJ had to agree, at least about the dress.

At first, she hadn't really thought about what she would wear for the wedding. When Deborah mentioned that her mother had chosen a silvery grey (Natasha had chosen crimson and cream for her bridal party), Paul told CJ she was "not to even think about recycling something from her Bartlet years" and that he had already contacted Hank, "who knows what you like", with some ideas of his own.

Three weeks later, Hank showed up with a peachy coral chiffon over darker coral heavy cotton number. It was a strapless sheath with built in bra and a rear slit that stopped at the back of her knees. It fastened with the same type of little fabric-covered buttons and loops that were on the dress she wore for Danny. There was a matching chiffon stole "not that it provides modesty, or, for that matter, warmth", Hank said.

"I've always liked that color on you, sweetheart ever since," Paul told her, and the two of them smiled in memory of their first night of intimacy. "I thought you could wear your mother's pearls, unless you'd rather something new?"

After joining Joe, Gwen, Ned, Alex, and Clara in the pew, she watched as Natasha's brother-in-law escorted the mother of the bride to her place. Then Paul, Derrick and Pat emerged from the sanctuary. It brought back memories of her own wedding to Paul five years ago (except Paul was in ministerial robes over his tuxedo and Pat looked almost grown up).

The ushers and groomsmen entered two by two. The bridesmaids (Deborah and Natasha's cousin Cheryl) and matron of honor Tatiana were next with their crimson tea-length gowns and creamy bouquets. They were followed by the three little flower girls in cream with crimson sashes, scattering crimson and cream rose petals on the bridal runner.

The vestibule doors were closed and an anticipatory hush settled over the congregation. The trumpet voluntary sounded; the doors opened.

Everyone was watching Natasha, in her creamy gown, come down the aisle on her uncle's arm. But CJ had to look away, to watch Derrick. She had been blessed to see that look so many times these past few years. Sam; Josh; David; Charlie; Brendan; Jesse; Tom; Glen Walken; Brian; just a few weeks ago, Matt Santos.

Danny.

Paul.

There were scripture readings and musical interludes. Paul preached a short but poignant sermon on what marriage would mean to the man and woman in front of him.

But it wasn't a Nuptial Mass and in twenty minutes, Derrick and Natasha were walking back up the aisle.

**8:30 PM**

"Mama? It's time."

Derrick led CJ to the dance floor and the sounds of "Teach Your Children" came over the sound system.

_"Interesting choice," Brianna mused as she mixed another passion fruit martini._

_"I loved that song," Alicia explained. "I used to sing it to the kids all the time. I'm glad he remembered._

_"This is good shrimp," Jessica exclaimed as she pulled six pieces from the iced display on the table._

_"Would you look at Bernice, flirting with that Admiral Fitzwallace!" Esther harrumphed. "He's a married man and she's a married woman!"_

_"Not up here, Meemaw," Alicia sighed. "Things are different up here. Here, have a flirtini."_

"I talked to the concierge, and she assures me that no one, but no one, will get access to the honeymoon suite, Derrick." CJ had told her stepson about what happened to her and Danny on their wedding night in Santa Barbara.

"Actually, I talked to Natasha's uncle and I hired an off-duty policeman. He's standing guard right now, CJ."

_"Smart boy," Danny said. _

_"Yeah, but that was fun, that night when Mallory got married, wasn't it, Leo?" Fitz smiled at the memory._

**10:30 PM**

"Am I hard enough? Am I rough enough?"

The thing is, CJ thought, suppressing a giggle, Paul wasn't holding her close enough that she could tell; the DJ was spinning "Beast of Burden".

Then, to leave no doubt about where his mind was going, he replaced "Am I rich enough?" with "Am I long enough?"

The ritual dances – bride and groom, bride and uncle, groom and mother, bride and father-in-law, groom and mother-in-law, etc. – were out of the way, as were the inevitable hokey pokey, chicken dance, line dance (thank God, no Macarena). Paul had danced with Deborah, Caitlin, Dansha, and Maggie; CJ had danced with Tom and Pat. The DJ had even dug up an old copy of Dusty Springfield singing "Son of a Preacher Man" with which to rib Natasha.

The cake-cutting, bouquet tossing, and garter tossing came next and then, about an hour ago, the DJ settled into sets of good dance tunes and the more they danced, the more relaxed Paul became. About half-way through the second set, he started singing with the music ("you are my lover, you're my best friend") and hadn't missed since then. CJ knew he wasn't drunk, that he had been careful (as had she) with alcoholic intake. Whatever had caused him to let down his guard, she was grateful for it.

_"I'm sure it's because he feels that he's fulfilled his promises to me, to make sure that the kids grew up happy and healthy," Alicia whispered to Danny. The two of them were dancing over toward their special place in Cassiopeia. Their little party would take care of itself. And, after all, they were "parents of the groom"; this was Reg's responsibility._

"Look," Paul murmured, and when CJ cast a glance in the direction of his eyes, she saw Natasha and Derrick making a quiet exit from the ballroom.

CJ looked around the dance floor. Tom and Deborah were still going strong, as were Pat and Maggie (who, after all, had had just a few sips of champagne). Joe was seated at the table, his head nodding down and then jerking back up. His arms were around Caitlin and Dansha, who were out to the world.

"Shall we call it a night?" she smiled up at Paul.

"We should leave, yes, sweetheart, but I'm not ready for bed, or at least, not ready for sleep."

CJ felt the tingle start in her nipples and rush into her groin. He could still bring out that reaction in her just with his voice and his eyes.

They would put the girls in the adjoining room that Derrick had been sharing with Pat.

Paul went to let Deborah and Tom know they were leaving while CJ gathered up Pat and Maggie. Then they went to get Joe and the girls.

**11:15 PM**

"Mrs. Reeves?"

"Yes, Mr. Reeves?"

"Why don't you turn around?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

"One."

Derrick lightly kissed Natasha's neck as he undid the first little button.

"Two."

This time he kissed her left shoulder.

"Three."

Right elbow.

"Four; I suppose I should have said Dr. Reeves."

"Mrs. Reeves with you; Dr. Montmorency at school. I think 'five' is next."

**11:20 PM**

"Ten."

CJ sighed as Paul kissed her right ear. Somehow, he had managed to figure out how to position his left arm so that the elbow teased oh so close, but not on, the throbbing core of her while his upper and lower arm held her upright.

"Eleven."

Paul's lips moved to her left shoulder bone. She wondered if he had practiced undoing the little fabric buttons from their loops with only one hand.

"Twelve."

His lips kissed the place where her neck met her right shoulder. But then, from the very beginning, he had been very good at getting into and under her clothes with just one hand.

"Thirteen."

He kissed her under her left arm, where the breast swell just began. It took all of her strength not to press his elbow down and into her center.

**11:35 PM**

"Thirty-six."

The last button undone, Natasha's dress fell to the floor. It felt so good to have her torso out of the dress with its restrictive boning and into Derrick's hands, his big, firm, gentle, magical hands. For some reason, Natasha remembered that Derrick had his father's hands and wondered if CJ liked those hands as much as she liked Derrick's. Then she flushed at the thought.

Natasha turned to face Derrick. Three weeks. She had been in Phoenix for three weeks, taking care of last minute wedding details. Three weeks without Derrick, who had a crisis come up at Hollis and wanted to get it resolved before the wedding and their trip to Cozumel. He had flown in the same day that CJ, Paul, and the kids arrived and was sharing a room with Pat, a room that adjoined that of his parents. There had been no time, or place, to be alone until now.

And maybe that was for the best; it would make this night special.

Then Derrick's mouth closed in on her breast and Natasha thought no more.

**August 5, 2018; 12:15 AM MDT**

CJ stirred as Paul stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head. It was almost too absent-mindedly, too casual, she thought to herself, considering all that she had just finished doing to him (and with him).

"Paul?" she asked.

No answer.

"Paul?" A bit louder. "Do you want your two dollars back?" she lightly joked.

"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart," Paul answered. His kiss this time lingered and his fingers seemed to caress her head and the side of her jaw with an unspoken apology. "I was thinking about Derrick, hoping that everything was going okay for him, and Natasha."

"Fathers worry about sons on their wedding night, as well as daughters? There's no double standard, no differentiating between your lily-pure little girl and a fellow guy who has obviously been around the block?"

"He's still my child," Paul answered, "and Deborah was no innocent virgin, but I still was worried, although I'm not sure 'worried' is the right word.

"No matter how experienced a couple is, either with each other or with others, it's a new beginning, a new dimension to your life together. You told me that you and Danny felt that, remember?" Paul smiled as CJ nodded her head in agreement. "And the two of us were a little nervous, weren't we?"

"But he's your son, Paul. And the two of them have the benefit of your experience, both with Alicia and me and as a counselor to countless couples. They'll do fine," CJ told him. "Now come here and let me see what I can do about you." She ran her hand down past his waist to his groin. "I want some more."

**5:30 PM MDT**

The Reeves extended family was relaxing poolside.

It had been a lazy day for everyone. ("God will understand if we don't do church just this once," CJ told the kids.) Breakfast had been a long, drawn out affair as people came down at different times and lingered to talk with later arrivals.

_"Danny, Natasha is looking at Derrick the same way CJ looked at you back in Santa Barbara, the morning after," Abbey Bartlet said as the group drank mimosas and ate mini-quiches and strips of bacon by Rainbow Bridge._

Everyone was waiting until tomorrow to leave, except for Derrick and Natasha, of course. Tom and Deborah drove them to the airport to catch their flight to Mexico City, where they would switch for a plane to Cozumel. With the academic year about to start, the two of them had decided to take a quick trip now and then spend the Christmas break on a longer honeymoon in Hawaii. Plus, they would be closing on the house they had picked out together in two weeks and would have to juggle moving in with the start of the academic year for Natasha.

Tomorrow, Tom, Deborah, and their toddler would be flying back to New Jersey with Joe. They would visit with Tom's family before returning to Alaska. The MacDonald's and the Stewart's were taking a side trip to Las Vegas before going to Los Angeles. CJ and Paul decided to take the kids and Maggie to the Grand Canyon ("as long as we're in the state, let's give them a nice story for 'how I spent my summer vacation', sweetheart"). Gina and Randy had to get back to the vineyard.

"Here comes the bride!" Erin sang as Clara and Alex came into view.

After the newlyweds had left, Alex stood up and told the gathered group that Clara had accepted his proposal and that the two of them would be getting married "in a couple of months" up in Sacramento. Hopefully, Paul would be able to co-officiate with Clara's son at the ceremony. Then Alex and Clara would take a quick trip to Greece before he took command of the army base in Livorno.

Checking to make sure that all four kids were around Brian in the pool, CJ turned to the approaching couple, intending to make the same joke about what they had been doing as she had made to Frank and Sarita Hollis about what **they** would be doing when they had left the poolside group about 45 minutes ago "to rest a bit before taking the jet back at midnight". She stopped short when she saw the worried look on Alex's face and the tears on Clara's cheeks.

Paul stood up as his brother walked up to him.

"Alex?"

The Army general put his hands on Paul's shoulders.

"There was a crash. The plane from Mexico City to Cozumel went down near Merida. There were many survivors but there were some casualties and - "

Paul sagged against Alex. CJ reached for her cell and started calling Derrick's phone. No answer. She called Natasha's. Busy.

Over and over again. No answer. Busy.

CJ tried Mrs. Montmorency. No answer. Tasha's uncle. Busy.

Meanwhile, Robin was punching numbers into his phone.

The children sensed the commotion and scrambled out of the pool. Pat gulped hard to hold back his tears as Caitlin and Dansha began to wail. Deborah gathered the girls into her arms.

"Ash?" Erin looked at her daughter.

"Nothing, Mom. I'm stronger than you, but nothing like Sorcha."

Tom gave Aisling a quizzical look.

"It's kind of hard to explain," Aisling said. "Sometimes I see – "

"Things," Tom finished. "Remember, I'm part Inuit. I understand."

"Natasha!" CJ exclaimed, and everyone turned to her. Apparently CJ had gotten through on one of the numbers. She put her phone on speaker.

"We're both alive," Natasha told CJ, getting the good news out first. "The plane landed with the fuselage intact but the wings and the tail broke off and it turned on one side. Derrick pushed me out and carried me away from the wreckage and then insisted on going back to help the people who couldn't get out on their own power. He had just left the plane when it exploded." Everyone gasped and Natasha's broken voice reflected the stress she felt as she told them of the events. "He and the boy he was carrying were thrown about 25 feet and a flaming piece of the plane landed on Derrick's legs. He's got burns, two broken legs, maybe a broken hip. They're air-lifting us to Veracruz, to the hospital there."

Paul picked up the phone. "And you, little one? How are you?"

"Physically, I'm okay. I few scrapes and bruises. A little sore. But mentally, I'm trying to hold on for Derrick, but I'm rattled, Daddy, I'm really rattled. My mother and my aunt and uncle are coming in; they've already left for the airport."

_"She called him 'Daddy'," Reginald Montmorency sighed._

"I'll be there as soon as I can get there, Tasha. Tell my boy that," Paul said and ended the call.

Robin said something to the person on the other end of his call, hung up, and redialed. After a few minutes, he ended that call and turned to the group.

"My contacts at Aer Lingus essentially told me the same things that Natasha said, about the plane. Luckily, they weren't over water, or over jungle, so the rescue squads were able to get there reasonably fast. I was able to get two reservations on the next flight out of Phoenix for Mexico City. It leaves in two and a half hours."

"I should go," Joe said. "I can speak the language."

"No, I should go," Tom replied. "I'm a doctor."

"I should go," Deborah claimed. "Derrick and I have been together since before we were born. And I'm his big sister. By thirty-eight minutes," she finished with a sob.

"I'm going," Alex said, as if that made the decision final. "Paul is my little brother."

"CJ, it has to be you," Randy quietly told his sister. "I know your husband. He needs to show outward strength but this is killing him inside. You're the only one he can let go with, if he has to. I know, I know," Randy cut CJ off as she started to speak. "The kids. We'll take them home with us."

"And we can take Maggie with us," Erin said. "We don't need to see Vegas this trip. That's the beauty of having an airline employee in the family."

"I know," CJ said when her family finally let her speak. "I'm ahead of all of you."

Then CJ reached for her phone and called Frank. Of course he and Sarita could change plans, CJ was assured. Frank would call the pilot right away and get the flight plan for Merida filed as soon as possible. The plane could handle ten people easily. Did everyone who wanted to go have their passports? They might not be able to leave as early as the commercial flight, but they could fly straight through. Would it be okay if he and Sarita came along?

**August 6; Merida, Mexico; 4:30 AM CDT **

"I'm just saying, Natasha, that you shouldn't rule it out all together," Natasha's aunt said with a sigh of exasperation. "Of course, we're all praying that Derrick comes out of this okay and fine. But if he doesn't, if he's crippled, or badly scarred from the burns, do you really want to tie yourself to him for the rest of your life? You're young, you're beautiful, and you're an intelligent woman in a very promising position. There would be lots of guys eager to marry you. Just keep an open mind about the annulment."

Paul and CJ were just around the corner from Natasha and her family. The two of them had gone for coffee.

Derrick had been in surgery for four hours. Tom had scrubbed to be in the operating theatre and Joe had scrubbed with him, to translate for his grandson-in-law. Deborah and Sarita Hollis were sitting a few feet from Natasha and her family, but were sound asleep. Frank had gone off to the hospital director's office to use the internet connection. He was arranging for a medically-equipped plane to fly Derrick back to California as soon as he was stable enough to move. Alex was calling Ned and Gwen and also Gina and Randy with updates. CJ had also given him Josh and Donna's numbers.

CJ could feel the anger and hurt surging through Paul even though they weren't touching. She reached for his hand to reassure him but before she could say anything, Natasha spoke loudly, startling Deborah and Sarita out of their slumber.

"No way in hell!" Natasha screamed. "Derrick is my husband! About thirty-six hours ago, I promised him, in front of all of you, in front of his family and our friends, and, most of all, in front of God, that I would be with him for better or for worse. I'm praying with everything I have inside me that he will be fine and perfect when this is done, but not for me, for him. As long as he lives, what will it matter if he loses a leg, or walks with a limp, or has a few scars?"

"But, Tasha, sweetie," her aunt answered, not caring that CJ and Paul had come round the corner. She was already in for a dime, so she figured she might as well be in for a dollar, as it were. "That's not all the doctors said might happen. What if he can't give you kids? What if he can't even get it - "

"Lavelle!" Natasha's uncle exclaimed, grabbing onto his wife's arm.

"If the accident sterilizes him, we'll adopt," Natasha said. "And, God forbid, if he can't put himself inside me, well, he's very, very good with his ton - ".

"Tasha!" It was all too much for Natasha's uncle. He grabbed his wife and stomped off in the direction of the vending area.

"My sister-in-law has always been, well, she missed the tact line when God was giving out virtues," Natasha's mother said to Paul and CJ by way of apology. "But she loves my brother." Then she went over to where Natasha and Deborah were holding each other and softly weeping.

"Let's go get some coffee," Sarita told the woman. "Let the two women who love Derrick the most comfort each other."

"Paul, don't dwell on it," CJ urged her husband as they sat down across from the two young women. "Natasha would never leave Derrick."

"I know that, sweetheart," Paul answered, letting CJ pull his head down to her shoulder. "But those things could happen. I know that Tom said the odds on impotency or sterility were extremely low, but I can't help but be afraid. They're so young; and Derrick waited for her with more patience than I could ever imagine."

"_Eight months is nothing," Danny said. "Try eight years."_

_The others laughed. They had been holding their own little prayer vigil over by Aquarius._

"They've only just begun," Paul continued. "It would just be so unfair."

"I know, love, I know."

They looked up at the sound of footsteps.

Tom came up to them and smiled.

"Natasha, your husband would like to see you. This is Maribella. She'll take you to him."

Natasha hugged her new brother-in-law and hurried off with the nurse.

Tom hugged his wife and turned to CJ and Paul.

"Both legs are broken and there is a partial fracture on his left hip. But he'll be able to walk again, maybe with a slight limp.  
The left break is the upper leg; it and the hip should take about six weeks. The right leg, he broke both the tibia and the fibula, will take longer because they're smaller and the weight bearing is greater. The burns on his legs and arms aren't too bad, and, thank God, nothing hit his face."

Paul sagged against CJ and she could feel him struggling to maintain composure.

"Will we be able to move him to San Luis Obispo?" CJ asked Tom.

"In three or four days, I would think. But the staff here is excellent."

"I'm sure it is," CJ answered, "but we'd feel better having him close by. And God knows what the Hollis HMO would want.

"Anyway, why don't we walk down to ICU," Tom said. "I'm sure you want to see him."

At a nod from Tom, the ICU nurse opened to door to them.

As CJ and Paul approached their son's room, they heard his voice.

"For better or worse, Mrs. Reeves."

"In sickness and in health, Mr. Reeves," came the reply.

Paul stopped and put his arms around CJ. Lowering his head to her neck, his shoulders began to shake and she could feel the hot tears soaking her tee.

"To love and to cherish, my beloved," CJ whispered.


	35. A Hundred Million Miracles

**A Hundred Million Miracles**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult – adult issues and activity and such and such

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcome

**Friday, August 31, 2018; San Luis Obispo, CA; 8:30 AM PST (the present)**

Natasha Montmorency Reeves stood and watched as three full crews of painters and paper-hangers, with three full sets of painting and papering equipment, got out of the three vans and walked toward the house. She wiped the tear that came to her eye and turned toward Paul and CJ.

"We've said it before, but you really didn't have to do this. We could have lived with the colors for a while, until I got the rooms done and Derrick was able to help me."

"And what did I say when you said it before?" Paul lightly reproved his newest daughter with his forgiving smile.

**Three Days Earlier**

"We've arranged for the closings to take place here, on Thursday," Natasha told Paul and CJ. "The couple who is buying my condo really needs to move in right away. The guy who is taking Derrick's place is driving his stuff in from Portland, so we have until Sunday to get the boxes and furniture. We've got friends lined up to move my stuff in right away and to put Derrick's in the garage. Before the wedding and the accident, we had planned to paint most of the rooms, plus some papering, but that will have to wait for a while."

As CJ whispered something to Paul, a nurse entered Derrick's hospital room.

"I need to check Mr. Reeves' dressings and I'll need everyone except his wife to leave for a few minutes."

Ten minutes later, Paul and CJ returned to the room.

"Derrick, Natasha," CJ said, "I've been on the phone with Sarita Hollis and we've arranged for a crew, actually several crews, to come to the house on Friday and get all the painting and papering done in one fell swoop, So we'll have your friends put Natasha's stuff in the garage on Thursday afternoon and Friday after the signing. We should be able to move it all in on Saturday and get Derrick's stuff in the garage after that."

"Dad, CJ, that's too much, really. Tasha and I can live with the walls the way they are for a while. Please, cancel the painters," Derrick replied.

"Nonsense!" Paul answered, just the way he did four years ago in Seattle when Derrick told his folks that the expensive dinner was Derrick's treat. "It's been arranged. The subject is closed."

"Really, guys, trust me, it's much better this way," CJ said, striking a more conciliatory note and giving her husband a look that implied that Paul was being an utter hard-ass about the situation. "I've painted with furniture having to be moved or covered and believe me, this will be much, much easier. I know that if Derrick's legs were fully functioning, the two of you, and your friends, could handle it, but stuff happens. Please accept this gift from us."

Derrick knew when to accept the things he couldn't change, especially with his father.

"Thank you, Dad. Thank you very much. That's an awful lot of money to spend on us, especially after helping with the wedding."

"Well, it's CJ's money, so you should be thanking her. Or rather, Danny, since it's his royalties. With Sam running for president, there's been an increased interest in the Bartlet years, and Danny's books, especially the little novella he wrote based on how Jed and Abbey met, have been reprinted. The extra royalties have been a pleasant surprise."

_**Venus (the women's spa)**_

"_Well, will wonders never cease," Alicia confided to Brianna. "Not only is Paul accepting money from his wife, he's admitting it publicly. To his son, of all people. Never would I have expected it. Will miracles never cease!"_

"_Most men will eventually change for a good woman," Brianna replied. "Surely there are things he did different after marrying you."_

"_Well, yes," Alicia said. "But they were personal things, between him and me." Her smile implied that the changes were very pleasurable. "For one thing, he did finally stop bitching at me about using his razor."_

**The Present;**

After a few days' recovery in Vera Cruz, the Hollis jet took Derrick, Natasha, CJ, Paul, Joe, and Natasha's mother back to San Luis Obispo for Derrick's continued convalescence and physical rehabilitation.

Once again, there was a spirited discussion about who would stay in town to help deal with all the things Natasha would have to handle alone. Even nine year-old Pat suggested that he spend at least the fall term of fourth grade in San Luis Obispo so he could "do what brothers do for each other". But this time, it was Joe that won after pointing out that he had no one else to take care of, had no job to do, and that even at his age, he was in excellent physical shape.

So everyone else went to their homes; CJ, Paul, and the kids were back in San Luis Obispo for an extended Labor Day weekend.

"Mrs. Reeves?"

Paul laughed as both CJ and Natasha turned to face the approaching crew leader. The man went over the plans, verifying the paint and paper for each room. By sending three crews and starting this early, they would be able to get all the work done by 9:30 that evening, assuming that the electricity was turned on (it was).

"Twelve rooms, counting the half-bath, in one day. It's a small miracle," Natasha said.

It was ironic that Derrick and Natasha, with just the two of them, were able to find the four bedroom, two and a half bath, family room, living room, dining room, study, and kitchen place that had eluded Paul and CJ five years earlier in Berkeley. (Although when Paul commented about it to Derrick, the son told the father that he and Natasha intended on filling two of the bedrooms as quickly as possible.)

"A hundred million miracles," Joe sang and, seeing Pat's confused look, explained that the song was from an old, old musical from the middle of the last century.

"Although a hundred million miracles a day is a bit of an exaggeration," Joe finished.

_**Jupiter**_

"_Not really, when you think about it. Consider the way everything in the heavens stays, for the most part, in its own place, not crashing into each other. Consider that each of the inhabited planets requires a very narrow window, climate-wise, for its life forms to survive. Consider the miracle of conception, in its myriad methods, throughout the universe. The fact that They put together everything to run so smoothly without constant intervention, there are easily a hundred times a hundred million miracles every earth day."_

_Michaelangelo watched as the man walked away._

_Leonardo was always such a nerd," he confided to Monet. "Being a great painter wasn't enough for him."_

**1:30 PM**

The crew chief told Natasha that the wallpapering was done as were the first coats of paint. The guys were going to break for lunch and would be back by 4:00 to put on the second coat.

"There's no reason for all of us to sit around here for the rest of the afternoon," Joe said. "Natasha, why don't you go to the hospital and be with your husband for a while, give him a progress report. Paul, you take CJ over to the Fallières' and be with your girls, make sure they don't feel neglected. Pat and I can keep watch here."

While CJ, Paul, Pat, Joe, and Natasha were staying in Derrick's old condo, Caitlin and Dansha were at Bonnie and Jean-Luc's house, enjoying a multi-night sleepover with Giselle and Erika.

"Are you sure you'll be okay with that, Joe?" CJ asked. Bonnie and Jean-Luc's pool would be very inviting but she didn't want Alicia's father to be stuck in any empty house.

"We'll be fine; I have my laptop and we can watch a movie. The air-conditioning is working. Go."

**4:30 PM**

CJ, Paul, and the girls walked into Derrick's hospital room. Caitlin and Dansha really wanted to see their brother, to make sure that he really was getting better. CJ planned to take Paul to the house after the visit, get her son, then pick up Giselle and Erica and take all the kids for pizza and a movie, to give Bonnie and Jean-Luc some private time together.

It took a while, but CJ sensed the undercurrent passing between Derrick and Natasha. She sensed that something had happened, something that Derrick wanted to share with his father before sharing with the rest of the family, so after fifteen minutes, she suggested to her daughters that they go look at the babies in the nursery. And maybe Natasha would like to go run by Derrick's old place and take a shower?

"Sounds great but, if you don't mind, I'll go see the babies with you before I go."

Ah, CJ thought, whatever Derrick wants to share with Paul, Natasha wants to share with me.

Five minutes later, Caitlin and Dansha were oohing and ahhing over the six infants in the maternity ward window, although Dansha was still calling them "dollies". Natasha quickly looked around then leaned in close to CJ.

"This afternoon, when Derrick and I were alone, we were, ah, having a private moment and he reacted."

"As in?" CJ asked.

"Yes," her daughter-in-law replied, blushing slightly.

"Oh, thank God! That's great news!"

Although the urologist in San Luis Obispo had seconded the opinion of the doctors in Vera Cruz – that there were no physical signs of impotency as a result of Derrick's injuries – there had been no "proof positive" that Derrick's genitalia were functioning normally. That is, until now.

"CJ, you don't know how relieved I am. Not for myself, although I admit that I've come to like having sex with Derrick very much. For one thing, I hardly ever have cramps before my menstrual cycle anymore. In fact, when I got my period right after I went to Phoenix for the wedding, that was the first time I had them in five months.

"But it I had to, I could make do with other measures. The staff has been very understanding, allowing us to put a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door handle, just like a hotel. Derrick's been very good to me, if you know what I mean, and I've tried to be good to him, but without any success.

"Now Kyle, Derrick's physical therapist, told us that his body knows it has to heal, knows it has to conserve resources, and to be patient. But Derrick is a very physical person and he does best when he is taken care of regular. I could tell, those three weeks before the wedding when I was in Phoenix, that really took a toll on him.

"I don't know if this is all TMI for you or not, but, for whatever reason, I've never been able to really talk about sex with my mother, and Tiana isn't here, but you are. Does any of this make sense to you?"

CJ was pretty sure she knew why Natasha was uncomfortable talking about sex with her mom and she was pretty sure that Tasha knew the reason also. Well, this was all part of what she signed on for when she said yes to Paul five years ago.

"It makes a lot of sense, honey. Derrick is his father's son in many ways. And, remember, I was with Paul when he was slightly younger than Derrick is now. I know exactly what you mean about the role that physical intimacy plays in Derrick's life because I know what that role is in Derrick's father's life, and also what that role was some thirty-some years ago.

"It's physical, but it's more than physical. The love component, the emotional component, is every bit as strong, every bit as driving, as the physical one. The need for emotional intimacy and the need for physical intimacy are intertwined. And while I know that if you had to, the two of you would have worked out whatever needed to be worked out, I am so grateful that you and Derrick won't have to deal with that."

CJ reached over and hugged her newest daughter.

Natasha returned the embrace.

"I'm so glad to have you as a second mom. You're the best."

For some reason, CJ found herself thinking of her first husband.

You were right, Danny. I am getting good at lots of new things. I'm getting good at this mother-in-law thing, Danny, a lot faster than you or I ever thought.

_I never had any doubt about it, babe. The only thing I ever feared was that you wouldn't believe me._

"Well, I'm so glad that your worries are over," CJ said as she kissed Natasha's cheek.

At the same time, Derrick and Paul were discussing the same topic, but with a different slant.

"It's the strangest thing, Dad. I mean, I am glad that I'm able to react, to get hard, but these past two weeks, being alone with Natasha and taking care of her, have been somewhat ethereal. There is something about focusing all my attention on her, with no concern for myself, that makes me realize how much I love her. I don't know if that makes any sense."

"It makes a lot of sense; it will make more sense as you grow older and your recuperative rate is not what it is now." Paul was grateful that he was not in need of any pharmaceutical help to either satisfy his wife's needs or his own, but he was also aware that he was no longer filled with the rampaging powers of a man in his mid-twenties. "A lot of men would disagree with me, but I think that God knew what he was doing when he created men with a sex drive that peaked in the twenties and women with one that peaked two or more decades later. As a couple ages, if you as a man truly love your wife, your diminished reaction time allows you to use your skill, to husband your abilities and your resource, to bring her to the satisfaction that her psyche has grown to accept, to need. It usually takes many years for a man to learn what you have come to realize in these past few weeks. And although I praise God that you are completely capable of being a sexual male, I'm glad that your accident has had some benefits for your marriage."

"Well, as to being completely capable, we don't know that for sure. Yes, I can become engorged, I can ejaculate. But can I give my wife a baby? She's down there at the nursery with CJ and the girls looking at all those newborns. We bought a four bedroom house planning to have two of those bedrooms occupied with at least two kids within the next four or five years. What if I can't produce those children?"

"Then the two of you will figure it out. You'll adopt; you'll do AI or in vitro. The one thing I am sure of, you and Natasha love each other enough to deal with whatever comes your way."

The two mean heard the sound of two happy little girls in the hall. Paul reached down and kissed his son's forehead.

"Derrick, we'll be back tomorrow, sometime, with pictures and everything. In the meantime, I love you; you are my son, my flesh."

**Saturday, September 1; 8:30 AM PST**

CJ walked into Derrick's condo carrying coffee for the four adults, an orange juice for Pat, and an assortment of croissants and donuts. She called out to let the others know she was back from the breakfast run.

Natasha came out of the hall batch carrying a box, which she set down on the floor before taking the coffee cup labeled "skim milk decaf".

"I think that's the last of it," Natasha said. "Jeff and Mick called; they'll be here in fifteen minutes with the truck. The guys at the house asked us to bring them some breakfast, so I'm going to head out now if that's okay. Do you mind overseeing stuff here?"

Three of Derrick's friends volunteered to "camp out" at the new house overnight. The painters had taken down the doors when doing the painting and recommended that they stay down while moving in the furniture. The crew chief said he would be back with one of the guys late Saturday afternoon to re-hang the doors. The crew also recommended that they keep the windows open overnight to help dispel the "new paint" odor.

Joe and Paul came out of the main bedroom.

"We've got the beds apart. Bless you, CJ." Joe took the cup labeled "Splenda™ and skim milk".

Paul reached down to kiss CJ, smile at her, and stroke the side of her jaw before reaching for the coffee cup marked "black regular". CJ reacted to the smile and signs of affection with those of her own.

Last night, Paul had made love with her with an intensity that, while not uncommon, was not his everyday style. CJ knew that her husband was reacting with pent-up relief that Derrick's ability to be a sexual being was no longer in any doubt. Paul had put on an upbeat, optimistic face for Derrick and Natasha, indeed, for all of them, but CJ knew her husband well enough to know that the outer show of bravery hid care and concern for his son. As a father and as a male, he released that care and concern by exerting his own masculinity and so, after a few minutes of expert and thorough foreplay, Paul entered her firmly and swiftly, whispered many words of erotic desire in her ear, and rode her hard (but not rough) for quite some time, finally taking the both of them to a stormy climax.

This morning, Paul made love to her again, this time gently and carefully. She was a very lucky woman, CJ, decided. And, apparently and the saints be praised, so was Natasha.

**1:45 PM**

Everything was moving like clockwork, CJ thought.

As soon as Natasha had dosed the overnight campers with food and caffeine, they started moving in the bedroom furniture from Natasha's place into two of the three guest (for the immediate future) bedrooms. Natasha made sure that they covered the furniture with the old quilts she had bought at the local Salvation Army store to keep from damaging either the wood or the newly painted walls.

CJ made sure that when the guys came to get Derrick's things, the two bedroom sets were the last things to be loaded. Therefore, when the rented van arrived at the new place, Derrick's king-sized bed and matching furniture, along with the additional dresser that the couple bought right before the wedding was taken up the master bedroom and Derrick's guest room set was taken to the fourth bedroom. Paul and Joe then reassembled the beds while the younger folk carried up boxes for the bedrooms and full baths.

The couple who bought Natasha's place had their own refrigerator. Since Natasha's fridge was bigger, had more features, and fit snugly into the space allocated for it, the couple decided to use it rather than buy a new one. So that appliance was the next thing to be moved into the house and hooked up to the current and the water line.

"The drop-in stove and built-in micro hood are better than what either of us had, so we're okay there," Derrick had told his folks when they had offered to buy new appliances as a wedding gift.

Derrick's living room furniture was assigned to the family room while his dining room set went to the breakfast alcove between the kitchen and the family room.

Both Derrick's and Natasha's desks were nestled into the study, leaving no room for anything else other than two bookcases. Natasha's dining room set was put in the formal dining room and finally, her living room suite was set up in the front formal room.

In a half-hour, the rest of the boxes from the garage and the van were in the house and the rental van was on its way back. Derrick and Natasha's friends relaxed in the back yard area with beer, wine, soft drinks, and snacks while Paul uncovered the pool and Natasha waited for the pizza delivery guy.

By the time that the food had arrived, the painting crew chief had come to re-hang the doors and he and his helper accepted one of the pizzas but said they had one more jobsite to visit before breaking for the rest of the holiday weekend.

After the lunch break and some pool time, the moving crew left to hugs and kisses from Natasha.

Paul and Joe began to install blinds and curtain rods, and CJ watched as the two men gave Pat lessons in being a house-husband. Pat helped with holding the level while one of the other men marked the placement for the brackets. The boy also passed screws, the drill, and other tools with the precision of an operating room nurse.

_**Mars (the men's place)**_

"_It's the kind of thing I wanted to be able to show him," Danny said as the guys looked up from the Australian Rules football match taking place on the plain in front of their table._

CJ and Natasha unpacked boxes, making beds and setting up the bathrooms with towels and toiletries.

"I'm going to go get the girls," CJ announced. Tonight everyone (except for Derrick, of course) would sleep under one roof.

"Listen, why don't I get them?" Natasha said. "I need two more rolls of shelf paper, so it'll save you a trip."

"Natasha, why don't you take some pictures and go visit with your husband?" CJ answered. "I'll get the shelf paper and the girls."

"If you're sure?"

"I'm sure. Go!" CJ laughed, pushing Natasha toward the door.

That evening, the family relaxed poolside while Joe grilled his famous barbecued chicken.

"I'm just so amazed," Natasha said, refusing a beer. She took a sip of her seltzer water with lime. "There were still lots of boxes to unpack and inevitably, things will be moved around, but the house is essentially livable in a little more than thirty-six hours, except for the kitchen floor. It's a miracle."

"What's this about the kitchen floor?" CJ asked. "It looks to be in good shape to me."

"Oh, we had decided that we wanted something with a grayish tint, with all the stainless steel. The brown fake parquet just doesn't float Derrick's boat, as it were."

Later, when CJ was putting the kids to bed and Joe had also declared himself "ready to hit the hay", Paul told his new daughter that they needed to talk about the kitchen.

"You should have told us, Natasha. We could have arranged for that at the same time as the paint and paper," Paul lightly scolded.

"You've done so much already, Daddy, and it's not as if redoing the floor is a major operation. The only thing that would have to be moved is the refrigerator."

"Well, next time, tell us everything, okay?"

"Yes, sir," Natasha said.

Over the past two years, she had seen Paul exercise his authority over Pat, Caitlin, and Dansha when needed. She had even seen Derrick respond respectfully to a quiet command and pointed look. Now it was her turn to experience gentle criticism from her father-in-law. Surprisingly, it didn't bother her. It made her feel as if he considered her as much a daughter as Deborah, Caitlin, and Dansha.

Sunday was spent quietly, except for church in the morning. In the afternoon, everyone went to visit with Derrick. The patient had good news to report. The doctors, the physical therapist, and the nurses all agreed that Derrick was making excellent progress. In another three weeks or so, he should be able to manage stairs with his crutches, and would be able to go home. He would still have to do PT a couple of days a week, and probably wouldn't be back in the office until after Thanksgiving, but there was an end in sight.

"Well, that's great news for us to take back home tomorrow morning, Derrick," Paul told his son.

"All in all, it's something of a small miracle," Derrick told his family.

**Monday, September 4; early afternoon**

Natasha entered her husband's hospital room.

"Hi, there."

"Hi yourself, wife mine. Now put that 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door and lock it."

"I hear and obey."

When Derrick told Kyle about his newly-recovered abilities, he asked the therapist what and how much he and Natasha could do about it.

The man told Derrick that while "using it" was to be encouraged, it might be best if for a while, they were somewhat conservative.

"For a week or so, you should just relive high school and stop at third base. Then maybe positions with you in a passive role. Although you do have considerable upper body strength, as evidenced by your skill with the crutches. I'll make sure that the staff knows to respect the signs."

After Derrick and Natasha hit a few triples, they settled down into post-"everything but" conversation.

"So, are you settling in okay? Is my grandfather really a help or is he something of a concern? I know my father can be, well, Dad has always been the brightest light of any room, but he means well. I hope that having him, CJ, and the kids wasn't too much for you, sweetheart."

"I love your family, Derrick, you know that. Of course, it is nice to be guest-free, except for your grandfather. And he really is such a help."

"I'm sorry I haven't been there for you, Tasha, sorry that I haven't been able to do the things you would have wanted me to do. I really wanted to work on the 'honey-do list' you had."

"Don't fret, Derrick. In fact, it needs to be a secret for a while, maybe until Thanksgiving, but you've already done one very important thing I've asked of you."

"Now what have I been able to do like this?" Derrick laughed. "And when?"

"This; on our wedding night."

Natasha's smile lit up her face as she pulled the little stick with the blue plus sign from her pocket and handed it to Derrick.

_Danny and Alicia hugged each other. They had known, of course, since Derrick and Natasha's wedding night, because they had witnessed the soul's departure and the burrowing when egg and sperm united._

"_But we have a secret, too, don't we, Danny? Something even they don't know as yet."_

"_Yes, we do. And I think we should celebrate and gloat." _

_Danny started moving in a circle around Alicia and misty walls began to arise._

"A hundred million miracles are happening every day!"


	36. Dayenu

**Dayenu**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult – adult issues and activity and such and such

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

Author note:

I was privileged, during the years of my marriage, to be included in several Passover Seders with my then in-laws and my then-husband's extended family. Although we are divorced, I will always treasure the way they accepted this Irish Catholic lass into their hearts. And I will always remember joining in on the chorus of "Dayenu".

**November 16, 2018; Kensington, CA; 10:45 PM PST**

If Paul Reeves were the kind of man to break out in song, he told himself, or at least a hum, that is what he would be doing right now. Instead, he walked through the house, checking doors and turning off lamps, with an anticipatory lightness in his step.

Paul opened Pat's door and glanced into the boy's bedroom. Moonlight lit up Pat's face and Paul noticed again that as Pat grew into his mother's height, he was also losing the soft features of his mother's face. The coloring and the bone structure was still there, but Pat was starting to resemble his uncles more than CJ.

Pat sighed and turned over, away from the window. The action woke Hershey, and the chocolate lab stirred and lifted his head from its place at Pat's feet. The dog wagged his tail when he caught sight of Paul; then he moved up and stretched out against Pat, the two of them back to back on the bottom bunk.

"_We used to do that, too, didn't we, boy?" Danny said to Pistol as the two of them sat on a cloud in the sunlight. Then Danny reached over and rubbed the dog's ears._

_Pistol remembered the times in Danny's bed. He had a feeling that Danny now did that with Alicia. Oh, well, Pistol had been sleeping with Cosmos and Damian ever since they got here, ten earth-years (and seventy earth-dog-years) ago. Pistol was glad that Mariah talked Them into letting him be with the twins, instead of just waiting at the Bridge for Danny to come._

Paul's next stop was the girls' room. Dansha was sprawled out on her stomach, the covers down at her knees, and Paul slipped into the room to pull the sheet and blanket up to his youngest daughter's shoulders. Caitlin, on the other hand, was on her side, the quilt up to her nose, with just her bright red hair spread out over the pillow. Paul resisted the urge to move the covers down to Caitlin's neck, knowing that it was a waste of time.

Leaving the girls, Paul turned to the master bedroom, his body already hardening in anticipation.

It had been ten days since he had shared a bed with his wife; eleven days since they had joined in physical intimacy.

CJ and Paul had gone up to Sacramento, along with Josh, Donna, and just about everyone else from CJ's days with the Bartlet administration, to celebrate as Samuel Norman Seaborn had been chosen by the American electorate to replace Jeff Haffley as president of the United States.

The election was really no contest, with the major networks waiting only until the polls had closed in all fifty states before announcing the obvious. The announcements came by 8:15 Pacific, but by the time all the phone calls from world leaders, fellow Democrats, and the defeated candidate had taken place, it was almost 10:45 before Sam addressed the nation from the hotel ballroom, and midnight before the private celebration could begin. And it was almost 3:30 when Paul and CJ stumbled into their room.

CJ stayed in Sacramento the day after the election, mainly to once again reiterate that as much as she loved Sam, she would not be moving to DC as a senior advisor, but Paul had to get back to Berkeley and his classes at the Pacific School of Religion. Then Paul played single dad while CJ spent six days representing the University at an international conference in Madrid, followed by a meeting with the Hollis Foundation in Geneva. But now, she was coming home, in time for the birthday she shared with Caitlin. November was a special month for them, two birthdays, their wedding anniversary (five joyful years).

And that first time, so many years ago.

Paul remembered lying there between her legs, his arousal throbbing almost painfully against the confines of the condom. Braced on his forearms, he had stroked her hair and looked down into her face.

He remembered seeing the love which neither of them had yet admitted to each other. He saw the relaxed contentment from the orgasm he had given her a few minutes ago, the first one she had ever experienced from fingers other than her own.

He also saw the little bit of trepidation about what was about to happen. Earlier in the week, Paul had planned to take this first time much slower, in spite of how CJ had answered the Band-Aid question. He knew that his size, particularly his thickness, could be an issue, and he knew that because of the toxic shock syndrome scare, CJ had never used a tampon.

So Paul had planned to use his fingers, one at a time, to gently stretch any restricting membrane. There was no need for hurry; he had all night. But then CJ told him she wanted to "get past all this anxiety" and he changed his plans.

As he lay there, asking her one more time if she was sure, and hoping that if her answer was no, he and his aching genitalia would be able to push away, Paul had realized with youthful certainty, that she was the one, that his would continue to be the only fingers to drive her to ecstasy, his the seed to give her children, and that when death came for one of them, he would be the one either holding or being held as one of them took a final breath.

And so he had approached this Friday night with the same joy as he had that one in the early 80's. This afternoon, Paul picked up the kids after school, made some popcorn, and, starting a video, told the kids to be good. Paul showered, shaved a second time. He pulled on the new silk boxers he had bought Wednesday afternoon. Finally, after getting a phone call from Sarita Hollis, he piled the kids into the SUV and drove to Oakland International.

On the way home, CJ sat in the back with the kids, but husband and wife managed to exchange wordless glances when Paul caught her eyes in the rear-view mirror.

Now, with the kids asleep and the house secured for the night, it was finally their time, and Paul opened the bedroom door.

To the sight and sound of a sleeping, lightly snoring wife.

The bronze nightgown with delicate ribbon straps indicated that CJ had not intended to fall asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow, but there she was, for all purposes dead to the world.

Paul sighed to himself as he quietly slipped out of his shirt, slacks, and shoes. She had crossed eight time zones today, he told himself, as he carefully got into bed, wanting to hold her close but not rouse her. Paul knew that if he were to wake her, she would insist on taking care of the all too apparent arousal in his underwear, and that his desire was such that his body would respond to her hands and her mouth even as his voice told her that he could wait for her to be rested enough to fully enjoy the act.

As he carefully pulled CJ into his arms in a loose embrace, Paul remembered that tonight he had intended to make love to her gently, tenderly, carefully. He had intended to make love to her the way he did on that other November Friday so many years ago, six days after she had shyly told him she was "ready" to move their relationship to the next step. Now, he would spend the night gently, tenderly, and carefully holding her and he knew that, for now, it would be enough.

Dayenu.

Unbidden, the Hebrew word popped into his head. Ten days ago, in Sacramento, a very inebriated Toby and an even more inebriated Josh were talking about how many wonderful things had happened that election day.

Sam had taken the standard Democratic strongholds, of course. He had run the "Blue State" table. But Sam had also taken Texas, Oklahoma, Georgia, both Carolinas, and Virginia as well.

The biggest surprise, however, was almost taking Washington, Haffley's home state. The final tally could very well be within the parameters for an automatic recount, although no one wanted the Democrats to raise the issue.

"As Leo was so fond of saying, we don't strut," Toby said. "To have come this close, it would have been enough."

At which point, Josh started singing.

"Da - da - ye – nu. Da - da- ye- nu. Da - da - ye – nu. Dayenu, dayenu, dayenu."

Seeing Paul's puzzled look, Toby explained that Josh was singing the chorus of something sung during a Passover Seder, a song that accounts fifteen miraculous things God had done for the Jewish people, that God had done much, much more than was needed. "Basically, if He had only done such and such, it would have been enough," Toby said. "That's what the word means."

Paul was well aware of the song and of its meaning; his puzzlement came from hearing it sung in a situation that was not religious and at a time that was not in the Passover period. From what he had been given to understand, it would be like hearing "Jesus Christ is Risen Today" during the World Series. However, he was too polite to mention it; Paul merely nodded his head at the explanation.

He was grateful, Paul told himself, that CJ was home, safe in his arms. It was enough.

Besides, he told himself as his erection dissipated and he yawned in sleepiness, there was always tomorrow morning. At nine, Pat could be trusted to pour juice, milk, and cereal for himself and his little sisters. He could even heat up sweet rolls in the microwave. CJ didn't want him using the toaster or the stove yet, nor did she want him even heating up milk or water in the microwave, but at least the kids could manage for themselves in the early hours of Saturday morning, watching children's programming. Paul and CJ told Pat that he was in charge, but that he should not interpret that to mean that he could run roughshod over the girls. And it went without saying that they were to open the doors to no one, and to wake their parents at the slightest emergency. Later, Paul or CJ would cook a relaxed big breakfast for the family (unless a sporting event was scheduled for the morning).

**November 21**

Paul looked up as CJ dropped two air mattresses on the floor of Pat's room.

"So, we build two guest rooms and we still need makeshift sleeping arrangements," CJ laughed.

"But it will be fun, sweetheart," Paul replied, reaching for the air compressor. "And Gina did assure you that there would be plenty of room at the winery."

In addition to Derrick and Natasha, the Reeves family was expecting the six Lyman's for the extended holiday weekend and beyond. Josh and Donna had kept up the custom started in 2006, taking a vacation after the election and before the start of the next administration. This year, Donna asked if the family could visit "if I promise to keep Josh from bugging you about coming east for Sam". CJ said yes, then called Randy and Gina to beg off from going up to Napa this year. But Gina told her that there would easily be plenty of room for six more people. She would be short two sons and daughters-in-law this year; Tony, Lisa, Dario, and Hayley were taking a cruise to Mazatlan.

"They're here!" Caitlin ran into Pat's room, then ran back to the front door.

Paul and CJ followed close behind and were outside just as Natasha got out from behind the wheel and reached for Derrick's crutches.

Derrick was recovering quite nicely and was able to put weight on the left leg, where the break had been in his thigh. However, the tibia/fibula break on the other leg was still not able to take his weight, hence the crutches. Hopefully, he would graduate to a cane just after Christmas. At least, he no longer needed a wheel chair. Tasha had wanted him to keep it, at least for times that might normally require a lot of walking, but Derrick said that he needed to maintain his upper body strength and insisted on returning it to the medical equipment rental company.

After an exchange of hugs and questions about the drive, Paul took the keys from Natasha and got the luggage from the trunk. Then it was time for him to run to Oakland International to pick up Donna, Josh, Noah, and the triplets.

Over cokes, chips, and onion dip, CJ explained that Pat was at a birthday party; Amy Marshall would be bringing him home, probably by 4:00. The plan was to have a quiet, early night, and to be on the road to Napa by 7:30 in the morning. The family was scheduled for a Thanksgiving Day Mass at 9:30. Because the Lyman's would be spending the next week at Albion, there would be a convoy of three cars going up to St. Helena – the SUV, CJ's Camry, and Tasha's Accord.

After supper, CJ shooed Paul, Josh, and Derrick to the family room, telling them to watch over the kids.

"Are you sure you don't want me to help?" Derrick asked. "Since Tasha wimped out on you? I guess the drive wore her out."

Natasha had literally fallen asleep over dessert.

"No. We're fine. Go. I want to dish with my girlfriend," CJ laughed.

Donna loaded the dishwasher as CJ put away the leftovers.

"So. Deputy Secretary of State."

"Yeah," Donna said. "I'm as surprised as you are. I knew that Morgan would be bringing a lot of her old staff from Sacramento, and I knew Nancy wanted me in the department, but I was thinking along the lines of Assistant Secretary to one of the Unders, maybe Public Diplomacy."

"But instead, she wants you for second-in-command. And, Donna, I'm not really surprised. I mean, at first, but after two seconds, I realized, and I'm sure everyone else did, that you are more than capable of handling the job. I am so proud of you. You've come a long way since that day in New Hampshire when you bluffed your way onto Josh's staff."

"_She'll do great," Helen Santos told Abbey Bartlet. "She ran my office like a pro. I was lucky to grab her away from Matt before Josh gave her over to Lou Thornton, and I was lucky to have her for as long as I did."_

"_I know. Donna was one of the women that Jed and the guys under-utilized for way too long. I'm glad that she and Margaret, especially, were able to break out and away when your husband took over."_

"A lot of us have, CJ. Sam is trying to bring Margaret back, for the Oval, combining what Debbie and Mrs. L did with office administration. I want Carol for my senior administrative aide, 'Deputy Deputy Secretary of State', as it were. We just need to make sure that we can find a place for David's talents and years of experience that isn't too close. Look what Bonnie and Nancy are doing for Frank Hollis. And then there's you. I expect that before it's all over, you'll be heading up Berkeley."

"Oh, I don't know about that, Donna," CJ laughed.

Donna just smiled. The thing is, CJ my dear, I do.

"_And me. I know too."_

CJ thought she felt the brush of lips against hers.

**November 22 (Thanksgiving Day)**

"All aboard and wagons ho!" Paul shouted.

Donna yawned as she climbed into the front passenger seat of the SUV while Pat, Noah, Leo, Micah, and Hershey scrambled into the back rows. Pat had wanted to drive up with Derrick and Natasha, but Paul told him that it would be more polite for him to be with his guests.

CJ was driving the Camry with Josh and the three girls. Josh whispered something to Joannie and she volunteered to sit in the middle "because I'm the oldest".

Natasha and Derrick had left fifteen minutes ago. They were picking up Keith down the hill at the Jesuit School of Theology.

The trip was easy and by 8:45, they had arrived at the winery. Pat, Noah, Sam, and Micah were excited about sleeping in what had been Lorenzo and Dario's "bachelor quarters" up in the attic. It reminded them of their summers at Cape May, with all the other boys from the "Grandpa Jed" reunions. Randy put Derrick and Natasha's things in the first floor guest room and then led Josh and Paul to the rooms the two couples would be using; he also carried the girls' backpacks to the room with the king-sized bed that the three of them would share.

While waiting for the others, Gina led CJ, Donna, Natasha, and Derrick to the big kitchen where the smells of southern Italian cuisine mingled with those of New England turkey dinner.

CJ looked around. "Where's Sophia? And your mom?"

"On the way. Their plane was stranded overnight in Dallas due to that big storm. They were in Tuscany, were supposed to get in last night. Rich and Chris are picking them up at SFO; they should be here by 11:00 at the latest, but we won't be holding Mass for them."

"Well, it smells as good as ever, Gina," CJ told her sister-in-law.

"I've got the hang of most of the recipes. But I'm sure that Aunt Sophia will find something to modify."

**11:00 AM**

"It's that way, Natasha," Gina said, then joined CJ and Donna in a light laugh as the youngest member of their quartet took off in the direction of Gina's finger.

"That was a nice service," Donna told the others as they walked toward the kitchen. "It was nice of you all to ask Josh to do the first reading, the one from Joel.

"It was nice," CJ agreed.

"And that second hymn, the one to the same tune as 'All Through the Night'; I just loved that one," Donna continued.

"The tune is called 'Ar Hyd y Nos'. It's an old Welsh tune," Gina told Donna. "There are several hymns and songs set to it."

The Mass had been joyous and festive, as befitting the holiday, but not overly burdened with a lot of rigid liturgy. When Josh mentioned that he did not mind coming with the group, Gina and her cousin asked if he would be comfortable doing the first reading; they had already asked Paul to read the one from Colossians. In addition to "For the Fruits of All Creation", they sang "Come Ye Faithful People, Come", "For the Beauty of the Earth", and "Now Thank We All Our God" ("A Lutheran hymn!" Derrick stage-whispered in mock horror to CJ.)

"She did well, your daughter. It just needs a little more fennel."

"Mom and Aunt Sophia are home," Gina told the others as they reached the kitchen.

The women exchanged hugs, chattering about the inconveniences suffered by Gina's mother Bianca and her aunt, the beauty of the late autumn day, and reintroducing Donna, who had been CJ's matron of honor five years ago, to the older ladies. Gina explained that the menfolk and the kids were taking a walk to the cellars to get the bottles for the meal later this afternoon.

The five of them were settled down at the kitchen table, with coffee and pastries, when Natasha came into the room.

CJ introduced her newest daughter to Bianca and Sophia. Sophia looked at Natasha, then stood up, made a strange gesture with her fingers, and led the young woman to a chair.

"What was tha-?"

"My grandmother Elisabetta taught me that!" Donna exclaimed at the same time CJ spoke. "It's a special symbol to ward off the evil spirits when a woman is-"

"Natasha, are you pregnant?" Gina blurted out almost simultaneously with the others.

"Who's pregnant?"

Pat was standing at the door to the kitchen, two bottles of brandy in his arms. The other kids, Derrick, Randy, Josh, and Paul were behind the youngsters.

Derrick set down the champagne he was carrying, walked over to the table, took hold of Natasha's hand, and kissed it.

"We are."

**11:45 AM**

Derrick walked out to the grape arbor where Paul was sitting. He noticed that his father was holding his Bible, but was staring at the vineyards on the hillside in the distance. As he drew closer, Derrick realized that Paul was singing the last verse of the new (to Derrick, at least) song from this morning's service.

"For the harvests of the Spirit,  
thanks be to God.  
For the good we all inherit,  
thanks be to God.  
For the wonders that astound us,  
for the truths that still confound us,  
most of all that love has found us,  
thanks be to God."

"Dad? The game's about to begin."

Paul looked up and smiled at his son, then gestured to a place on the bench, and Derrick sat down.

"Derrick, I am just so happy for the two of you."

"We had planned to make the announcement at dinner. CJ said that we would all be asked to mention something for which we were grateful. Frankly, I'm surprised that no one caught on last night when Tasha didn't drink anything.

"Dad, I could see everyone's head doing the math when we told them mid-May. I want you to know that-"

"Derrick, you and Natasha don't owe anyone any explanations. In one very real sense, the two of you were a family when she said 'Yes' last Christmas."

"_Things happen in God's time," Danny said, remembering those few minutes with Carol before he escorted her down the aisle where David, David's brother, and Paul were awaiting them._

"_And this one surely did," Alicia answered. Then she took a swipe at Danny's butt. He had taken three pecans off the top of the "First Saturday in May" pie she had made for the feast later in the day._

"But it's part of the miracle, Dad. Remember, Natasha spent three weeks before the wedding in Phoenix while I had to stay in San Luis Obispo. Her period came the second week. And I spent those four nights with Pat, in the room adjoining yours. And then, the day after the wedding, that afternoon in Mexico-".

Paul eyes lit up with understanding.

"So you and Tasha conceived this child on your wedding night."

"Or the next morning," Derrick said, this time with a slight blush. "But I like to think -"

Paul reached over and clapped Derrick on his shoulder. At first, it was a pure primal reaction; a basic act of congratulation between two men. Then Paul remembered that there was, the last he heard, still some question about Derrick's fertility. Now, please God for a healthy pregnancy, there would be at least one more child of his and Alicia's gene pool.

"Derrick, I'm so glad for the two of you. I know that you were ready to adopt, to try AI, and you may have to do that if you want more kids, but I am just so glad that you will have at least this one child."

"Well, Dad, there will hopefully be more. It's not something to mention to everyone, especially not around the Thanksgiving table, but last week, the urologist did another test and apparently my guys have come back one hundred percent and raring to go. When we're ready for another – Tasha keeps saying as soon as the doctor gives her the go-ahead after this one, but I told her to wait and see how she feels six months from now, I remember Deborah with Joe and CJ with Dansha – anyway, we should be able to do it the old-fashioned way," Derrick laughed.

Paul buried mouth in his hands to keep his lips from trembling.

"You kept him and her alive, Lord, when the plane went down; it would have been enough.

"He's able to walk again, and it would have been enough.

"He can sustain an erection, to satisfy his wife and himself; it would have been enough.

"And now, there will be a child of their love. With Your blessing, several children.

"Dayenu."


	37. What's Really Important

**What's Really Important**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC, the rest of the gang; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult – adult issues and activity and such and such

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

**December 7, 2018; Old Governor's Mansion, Sacramento, CA; 10:30 PST**

"Look at them. Rick will be stopping every ten feet to talk with someone," Ginger laughed.

"And Paul never met a stranger," CJ responded as the two of them watched their husbands, supposedly on a mission to procure drinks for themselves and their wives, talk with the soon-to-be Secretary of Agriculture/ex-congressman from the Iowa second. "I hope you really didn't want that Manhattan."

"I'd give anything to not be able to have a Manhattan right now," Ginger said quietly.

CJ reached over to hug her friend. On the Saturday after Thanksgiving, while they were still in Napa, she and Donna had received the news that Ginger had miscarried.

"I know, and I'm sorry I mentioned it, sweetie."

"Don't be sorry. I'm just a little down, trying to be cheerful for everyone with the holidays and all. Rick and I thought about taking the kids away, maybe to the Caribbean, but the younger ones really didn't like the idea. They're hurting in their own way, and I guess they need the security of tradition."

"It is rough when things change," CJ agreed. "But that's why we're doing Christmas in Albion this year. Pad-, I mean Pat and the girls are putting on a good face, but they are really disappointed that Derrick and Natasha are going to Arizona for the break. We've tried to explain that just as Natasha is now part of our family, Derrick is part of the Montmorency clan, and also that the two of them had planned to take a three-week trip to Hawaii over the semester break before the accident. We thought that the change of scenery would help. To tell you the truth, for all his preaching about starting a new life with new traditions, I think Paul is just a little bit disconcerted also. He and Derrick have grown very close since he came back from Indonesia, especially after we settled at Berkeley and Derrick started practicing in California. "

"He wasn't that way when Deborah got married and moved to Alaska?"

_The Pleiades_

"_My Paul still has a lot of chauvinist ideas," Alicia said to Brianna. "Being a woman, Deborah was supposed to leave her family and join with her husband. And she's right, over the last few years, Paul and Derrick have become more than father and son, with a dimension of friendship added to the mix, whereas Deborah will always be his little girl."_

"_I know. Hugh was always that way about Tara and Gordana, much more than he was about Brian. "What about this for little Swithin?" _

_Brianna held up a fireman's outfit. The two women were wrapping Christmas presents_ _for the infants, toddlers and the babies that never made it to the outside world._

"Not as much," CJ told Ginger. "I'm hoping that having Joe with us will help. He'll be here until Epiphany, at least. Paul worries about Joe sometimes. He, Gwen, that's Alicia's sister, and Ned, her husband, are concerned about him living all by himself. But Joe values his independence and his friends, his life, in Princeton."

"Well, the place where he lives has very good elder services. And Sev does check up on him two or three times a month," Ginger reassured CJ.

"We know, and we really do appreciate it. It's really thoughtful of him to take time from his classes and other activities at Princeton to look in on Joe. Ah, more people!" CJ exclaimed as Glenallen and Ainsley Walken, along with Matt and Jessica Santos, came to the table.

"You missed a great meal, CJ," Jessica said as she bent down to kiss CJ's cheek.

"I'm sure we did, but with Clara and Alex getting married tomorrow, our weekend is a bit crowded."

"But we didn't want to miss Sam's last event as governor," Paul said, setting down CJ's grasshopper and his martini in order to shake hands with Matt and Glen before kissing their wives. "And as the best man, we really couldn't skip the rehearsal and the dinner."

"You aren't performing the ceremony?" Ainsley asked as her husband helped her sit down at the table.

"Clara's son is a Greek Orthodox priest; I deferred to him."

The orchestra, which had been on break, started to play again.

"Mrs. Reeves?" Paul held out his hand to CJ and led her to the dance floor.

CJ rested her head on Paul's shoulder as they swayed to "The Way You Look Tonight." She sighed as her husband's warm hand caressed her bare back.

"Speaking of the way you look tonight, did you see Gus' mother-in-law's eyes when you took off your shawl at the restaurant?" Paul asked.

CJ was wearing the high-necked but backless little black cocktail dress from two years ago, but had covered her back and arms with a lacy black scarf during the rehearsal at the church where Clara's son was pastor.

"I did. For a moment, I had second thoughts. I didn't want to overdress for the rehearsal, but I needed something for this shindig. Maybe I should have gone with the palazzo pants and silk blouse."

"Well, I like you very much in this dress. I just have to make sure that no one else likes you in it, at least not as much as I do, as I intend to like you in it, and out of it, later," Paul whispered throatily, briefly pulling her closer to him, against his groin.

**Embassy Suites, Sacramento, CA; two hours later;**

"I'll take a brandy, if you don't mind, sweetheart."

CJ knew that under normal circumstances, Paul would fetch the drinks himself. But with this being Sam and Morgan's last Christmas party as governor, almost all of the old Bartlet gang had made the trip to Sacramento. The hotel staff had crowded two extra love seats and three extra club chairs into the living/dining area of the suite, but every woman in the room was sitting on the lap of her man.

As CJ used her right arm to push herself off Paul, her left one jostled against Bonnie's right shoulder, resulting in Bonnie's champagne splashing onto Jean-Luc and CJ landing again on Paul's thighs. As she tried again, Paul gave her a helpful little push into an upright position. In the general laughter, no one noticed Donna's sharp glance in their direction.

"I guess we should be singing a chorus of _Auld Lang Syne_," Jesse Muñoz said to no one in particular. "I'm going to miss these events."

"Well, I;ve been given to understand that the White House is big enough for a Christmas dinner-dance," Morgan added. "I think I can throw something together."

"And we'll all be in DC for the inaugural," Ellie said. "We'll see each other then. And then again in January of '23."

"Why would we be there then?" Toby asked, his voice getting faster and higher in pitch. "What possible reason could you have to plan on being there in four years? You need to go outside - ".

"Turn around three times, and spit. And curse!" Bonnie and Ginger finished his thought in unison, giggling on the last syllable.

Then Ginger turned to explain to the others.

"It was mid-morning the day that President Bartlet won reelection, back in '02. Toby had mentioned something about writing two speeches, one if the President won, one if he lost, when - ".

"I asked why in the world he was writing the second speech," Sam finished. "Toby told me to go outside, turn around three times, and spit. Then Josh came in and when he heard about it, he told me to go outside, turn around three times, and curse."

"Well, Mr. President-elect, you - ".

"Josh," Sam said in a scolding tone.

On election night, not more than ten minutes after the networks had called the race, Josh had used that term to Sam for the first time.

"Wait a minute, Josh," Sam had said. Then, raising his voice, "Everyone, may I have your attention. In the office, during official business, in an official setting, that's fine. And, after January 20th, the same thing for Mr. President. But in casual conversation, in informal situations, we're all off the clock, or as much as I will be able to be. I was 'Sam' fifteen minutes ago; I'm still 'Sam' now. Unless the situation calls for 'You Fucking Asshole', or something similar."

"Yes, sir, Sam, sir," Josh said. "But cut me some slack. I've sixteen years of 'Mr. President' to get out of my system."

"I just wish I had had the nerve to tell you that, Josh," Matt Santos said. "You made me feel as if the fate of the free world as we knew it depended on everyone except Helen, the kids, and my mother calling me that."

_Mars (the men's place)_

"_I don't like it. I don't like it one bit," Leo muttered. "These younger folk have no respect at all, do they, Fitz?"_

"_Hey, Leo, times change. Damn! Throw it, for once! I don't care if you ARE a damned Throne!"_

_The other men laughed as the announcer's voice came over the field._

"_So now it's fourth and thirty-five. The Powers' return specialist is ready to catch the punt."_

By this time, CJ had returned with brandy for Paul and a glass of Irish Mist for herself. She gently lowered herself onto her husband's lap and leaned against his chest as his right hand slipped under her arm and casually played with the side of her dress where it was taped to her body. Surreptiously, Paul's thumb caressed the side of her breast, the tip of said digit coming very close to her nipple. Then, just as casually, Paul's hand moved down to her waist. As he took a sip of his brandy, CJ deliberately wriggled her butt on his groin, causing him to choke on the spirits as he fought to keep himself from reacting to her efforts.

"You'll pay for that later," Paul whispered in her ear.

"With pleasure," CJ whispered back.

And once again, Donna noted the interaction between the two of them.

Thirty minutes later, Margaret's phone rang. It was the mother of the friend with whom Brian was spending the weekend while the Hoynes' were in Sacramento.

"Sounds good to me, but tell Brian that John and I will be calling him tomorrow, and not to think that this is the last of it. I'm sorry that your plans will be spoiled."

At her husband's questioning look, Margaret explained that the two teens had managed to get hold of a six-pack.

"Elaine said that she and Gabe would tend to not let the boys go to the game tomorrow night with their friends, and to make them clean out the garage, but she wanted to clear it with us."

"I guess we'll have to let Bruno know, too," John Hoynes sighed. "The three of us may want to rethink Christmas plans. I mean, we don't want to deny the two of them their father-son time, but a ski trip to Montreal is sort of a privilege."

"It's not just Bruno and Brian," Margaret said. "It's the grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. You don't want to punish all of _them_ just because Brian drank some beer. And the Gianelli's might not consider it to be that much of a crime."

"Are you stereotyping us Italians?" Donna asked with a laugh to indicate she was only half-serious, if that.

"Yeah. Remember, I was born a Borgia, one of _those_ Borgia's," Morgan added. "And in six weeks, I'm going to be First Lady."

"And I do have to remember that my outlook is colored by my alcoholism," John added.

"Which is not necessarily a bad thing," Paul opined.

Then he put his hands on CJ's hips and lifted her from his lap.

"And now, I think we'd best get to bed. CJ and I wish you the merriest of Christmases, the happiest of Chanukahs, and we'll see you in January."

"You won't be coming down to breakfast?" Ed asked.

"Early," CJ said. "We need to get up early and move over to the Marriott in Rancho Cordova, redeem our kids from the Muñoz clan, and get Alex and Clara hitched."

"Well, we'll be there, too," Jessica said.

"Us, too," Jesse chimed in.

"But we'll be sleeping in here and going over there in the afternoon," Nancy finished.

"I'm tired, myself," Josh said, "and perhaps too much of the drink taken." He stood up and walked over to the table where Donna was eating a cherry tart, stumbling once on the way. "Take those back with us, my good wife. Let's call it a night also."

Five minutes later and five floors lower, the two couples were standing outside of Josh and Donna's room. CJ and Donna were taking a long time to say their farewells.

"You would think they were parting forever," Josh grumbled and yawned. "You ladies were together three weeks ago and you'll be together again in six. I'm drunk and I want to sleep." He leaned his head against Donna's back.

"And I'm slightly sloshed," Paul added. "Plus, I've got a brother to get married. Move your fanny, woman." Paul lowered his hand from CJ's waist to said posterior and pushed her down the hall in the direction of their room.

CJ giggled as she walked and thought to herself, who are you, and what have you done with my husband? Twice in one night. Like the time earlier, Paul's hand on her butt could in no way be considered much more than an assisting gesture. There wasn't even enough force to generate the little wave a vibration from rear to front, the one that she had so often experienced at Danny's hand, the one that so often lead, either within a few minutes or later in the evening, one or more full-blown orgasms.

"_Good!" Danny muttered to himself. It wasn't that he wanted to deny CJ physical pleasure. It was just that he took some satisfaction in knowing that there were still some things that belonged to CJ and him alone. Then he joined in the cheer._

"_Block that kick! Block that kick!"_

_Danny wasn't really rooting for the Powers. It was just that, after three overtimes, the game was exciting and he didn't want to see it end._

It was just that CJ felt happy that Paul was able to relax enough with her friends, actually now their friends, to let down his guard and enjoy himself. In one sense, it was a shame that they had to get up relatively early tomorrow, to redeem their kids, and to do everything involved with the wedding. It would have been nice to have spent the morning in bed, doing delightful things with each other.

CJ stood aside as Paul fumbled with the room key card. She was about to take it from his hand when the door finally opened.

Once inside the room, Paul pulled CJ into his arms. As his mouth worked hers and his finger gently pulled the tape that held the sides of her dress to her body, CJ realized that Paul was not as sloshed, to use his word, as he had implied. She giggled again as he backed her to the bed and pushed her down. She giggled a third time as she reached for his belt.

**Twenty minutes later**

Donna smoothed her hair back with her right hand. Her left hand was similarly busy down at her stomach, entwined in Josh's hair. She sighed in post-coital satisfaction. Josh had obviously not been nearly as drunk as he had implied, even though, as usual, he couldn't work the room card key. It had been a very nice evening with an even nicer ending.

"Paul has certainly loosened up over the last five years," Donna said. "It's amazing, I think."

"Hmmmm," Josh mumbled.

"Do you think it's being with all of us?" Donna persisted. "I mean, he smacked her ass twice tonight."

"Hmmmm," Josh mumbled again. Maybe Donna would think that the sex they had just enjoyed, combined with the lateness of the hour and the alcohol he had consumed, had rendered his brain incapable of conversation. Because Josh had his own ideas about why Paul's behavior had changed and he wasn't sure he was free to share them with Donna. The conversation had taken place in an atmosphere of male confidence.

The Saturday after Thanksgiving, just after sunrise, Paul and Josh had joined Randy on an early morning ride out to the far hill vineyards of the winery. After Randy had taken some soil samples and adjusted some settings on the irrigation pump, he pulled some cups and a large thermos from his saddlebags. The three of them sat at a picnic table, warming their hands with the mugs of the steaming brew they drank.

"Congratulations again on your future second grandchild," Josh told Paul.

"Thank you. The feeling is so amazing, so astounding. I'm not sure how to describe it."

"Well, I think I can understand, having been there nyself," Randy said. "But this isn't your first. Well, it's the first chance of carrying on your name, I guess."

"There's that, I guess," Paul answered slowly. "But I think it's more the entire situation. Almost losing Derrick and Natasha, then worrying about his being able to walk, to function – the entire experience has made me realize what really matters, what is really important, in life. My relationship with God. CJ. The children, family. Friends. My peace with myself. All the other stuff – my career, my image as a black man in America and all the baggage that brings, my sense of what a man is – are all secondary to that. I realize that, at times, I let those secondary things take precedence over the primary things, and I've resolved to start changing that."

Josh mostly listened as Randy talked about his experiences with grandfatherhood. Hopefully, it would be a while, ten years at least, until he would put the advice to practical use, but you got your learning when and where it presented itself.

Donna's voice intruded into his musings. "And I'm pretty sure he was feeling her up under that dress when he thought no one was looking. Did you see it, Josh? Joshua?" She lightly slapped his head.

Josh had no desire to get into this discussion so he decided to muzzle his wife with the most effective tools at his disposal. He kissed Donna's navel, then trace a path down her stomach.

**The next day; Rancho Cordoba, CA; 9:15 PM PST**

Paul watched as Alex and Clara exchanged hugs and kisses with Derrick and Natasha. Then the younger couple came over to join the senior Reeves'.

"You're leaving?" CJ asked.

"Yes. Tasha is really tired. We'll be getting an early start home tomorrow. I've got a meeting with some officious lame duck congressman Monday that I need to prep for," Derrick answered.

"And I've got take-home exams to grade," Natasha yawned.

"You're not coming home first tomorrow?" Pat asked, manfully trying to hide the disappointment he felt.

Paul had the same reaction at first. Prior to the wedding, Derrick would most likely have come back to the Bay area with the family and would have stayed for supper, leaving about 8:00 for San Luis Obispo. If there was nothing pressing at the foundation, he might even have stayed overnight, leaving at 6:00 on Monday morning.

Over the past four or five years, Paul had grown very close to Derrick. Derrick had become friend as well as son. With Derrick's graduation and his move first to San Francisco and then down the coast, the young man had become a vital part of the family, always at the ready to volunteer whenever needed. But now Derrick was a husband, and would soon be a father. Natasha, the child she carried, and, hopefully, their future children now had first call on Derrick.

It was right, it was how it should be, Paul told himself. A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife; the words Paul had read when he witnessed the vows between Derrick and Natasha, the words that had been proclaimed earlier today, the words that had been proclaimed five years ago in Napa. Paul would take quiet joy in watching his son become the man that Paul had trained him to be, by word and example. Paul knew that Derrick would always be his son, would find a way to fill both his new and his old roles.

But he felt just a twinge of sadness that their relationship would not be quite the same as it had been before Derrick had heard Natasha laughing at Bonnie and Jean-Luc's party two years ago.

**Wednesday, December 26; Albion, CA; 7:30 AM PST**

Pat Concannon checked the cocoa. Probably four more minutes. He set the timer and started the microwave, then went into the main room of the cabin. Climbing the stairs, he opened the door to the room where his sisters were sleeping.

"Come on! I've got everything ready!"

Dansha bounded out of bed and ran for the bathroom while Caitlin stretched. then Caitlin used the facilities while Pat and Dansha crept down the stairs.

Pat took the big glass bowl of cocoa from the microwave and ladled the hot liquid into the insulated coffee pot while Caitlin put six cups and some napkins on a tray. She handed the tray to Dansha and picked up the basket of cinnamon rolls wrapped up in a clean dish towel. With Pat carrying the cocoa, the three of them went up to their parents' bedroom door and started singing.

"We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!"

Once Mama and Papa told them to come in, Pat set down the pot of cocoa and went to the other bedroom to get Grandpa Joe and the six of them drank cocoa and ate cinnamon rolls on Mama and Papa's bed.

It should have been cinnamon toast, but Mama still didn't want Pat to use the stove, so he had to make do with the rolls.

It should have happened yesterday, on Christmas morning, but Caitlin and Dansha would see the tree when they came downstairs and would want to open presents right away. There would be no way to pretend that Santa came while they were eating in Mama and Papa's bedroom. And even if they had been home, Grandpa Joe would be sleeping in the guest wing, and they would have had to get him up first. Pat had had to modify the custom, but the important part of the custom, all of them eating breakfast, or at least a pre-breakfast, together on the bed, was still taking place, even though Derrick wasn't with them.

Papa had explained that just as they had made room in their family for first Tom and now Natasha, Natasha's family had made room in their group for Derrick and that was why they had to share Derrick with the Montmorency's. And in a year or two, when the baby was a little older, Derrick and Natasha would want him or her to have Christmas in their house, to have Santa Claus come to their own living room and put the presents under their own tree.

Pat knew that he had been really, really lucky, these past five years, to have had Derrick in his life. Derrick was his brother, but he was special. Derrick was a grown up, but he wasn't a parent (except when he was watching them for Mama and Papa) or a teacher or a neighbor. Derrick had been able to help Pat, first helping him to adapt to being without Daddy, and then helping him to understand what Papa expected from him.

Now Derrick was married, with a wife like Mama, and soon to be a father, with a kid. Soon Pat would have another nephew or a niece, one that would be close by, not like Deborah and Tom's Joey, all the way up in Alaska. Soon it would be his turn to be the special relative, the uncle that was a grown up (or almost one) but not a parent or a teacher or a neighbor. It would be his turn to tell his little nephew or niece (and Pat hoped for the former) all the rules, the ones Pat was sure that Derrick would want, like never, never lying about doing something wrong, or bad, or stupid.

They would be going back home the day after tomorrow, and then Derrick and Natasha would come up the next day and they would have another Christmas. The exact day wasn't important, Pat decided; being with his family was the important thing.

And just maybe, he and Derrick would find some time to talk, to be brothers, just the two of them. He would explain some things to Derrick and maybe, just maybe, Derrick could help him convince Mama and Papa that he was old enough to use the toaster, and maybe even the stove.

**4:15 PM**

CJ shifted her feet against the armrest of the loveseat and put her head on Paul's shoulder. The day had turned out to be cold and drizzly, with even a couple of snowflakes mixed in with the light mist. The kids had expressed inordinate glee at the sight, then equally inordinate disappointment when the snow crystals melted on contact. Sometime, they needed to spend Christmas back East, or in Alaska with Deborah and Tom.

Anyway, Paul had laid a fire and now they were watching a DVD. Pat was sprawled on the floor with Hershey. Joe was sitting on the other loveseat, Caitlin on one side and Dansha on the other.

Paul had one arm around her shoulders and stroked the side of her jaw while his other hand pulled the quilt from their laps up to their shoulders. Then the fingers trailed down from the side of her face to her breast and cupped it with an authoritative caress.

CJ smiled. The kids had interrupted them this morning, just as things were getting started, and throughout the day the two of them were looking forward to the night, their glances, smiles, and casual little brushes against each other indicating what they were anticipating. She decided to respond in kind; she moved her left hand to Paul's thigh and squeezed.

Then Paul's left hand reached under the quilt, shifted her hand from his thigh to his groin, and lightly pressed down.

CJ's eyes widened. True, the kids were all thoroughly engrossed in the movie and the soft snores coming from the other chair indicated that the latest chapter of "The Chronicles of Narnia" was not exactly Joe's cup of tea, but, still - . She turned to Paul.

"You want me to - ?" she asked in a whisper.

"No! Not that," Paul laughed and replied at the same level and CJ noted the slight blush. "It just feels good to have your hand there. One of the advantages of being an older guy."

As she sat there under the quilt, the warmth of Paul's hand on her breast and the warmth of his genitalia under her hand, CJ thought about the changes the family had experienced this holiday season and the changes that would be coming in future years. With Caitlin starting first grade next September, it wouldn't be long before she either figured out about Santa Claus or was disabused of the notion by a schoolmate. And Dansha wouldn't be far behind. Paul had taken Caitlin into the city for lunch and to buy presents for his wife this year. Dansha had cried and wanted to go also, but Paul was gently adamant that this was a privilege for which his youngest would have to wait. But two years would go by quickly, at least for Paul and CJ if not for the little girl.

And so would the other years. CJ could see a time, if God gave them that long, when all five of the kids were married with children of their own, having Christmas in their own homes, and Paul and CJ's tree would have relatively few presents under it.

Perhaps they would be traveling to one or more of their children's' homes, like Joe. It wouldn't matter, CJ realized, as long as they were together, as long as they still had each other. That was what was really important.


	38. Deja Vu All Over Again

**Déjà vu All over Again**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC, mentions of others; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult – adult issues and activity and such and such

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

**Sunday, January 20, 2019; Kensington, CA; 3:30 PM PST**

Resting his chin on top of the three containers perched one on top of the other on his left hand, Paul Reeves opened the refrigerator door with his right. As the door started to close, he moved in to hold it open with his right hip. Either the kitchen floor had settled a bit or, more likely, the kids were hanging onto the door as they stared at the contents of the fridge, he thought. In any event, he had best get his tools and make the adjustment to the appliance.

Paul looked at the shelves, judging the footprints and heights of the things in his hand as well as those already in storage. Just as he reached for a container on the second shelf, intending to move it to the third, the phone rang.

"Pat! Would you get that please?"

Ten seconds later, just as Paul set the last of the containers on the shelf, the young man came into the kitchen holding his hand over the speaker of the phone in his hand.

"It's Miss Margaret, Papa. She would like to speak with Mama."

"Thank you, son," Paul said, taking the phone from Pat. "Margaret, it's Paul."

"Hi, Paul. How's CJ doing? We all miss you. The President, especially. He'd like to let her know personally if that's convenient."

"She's sleeping now. She was up earlier, of course, to watch the inauguration and the speech, but it really tired her out. But I'm sure she would want me to wake her. Just give me a minute."

"Oh, no, don't do that," Margaret hastened to add. "Just hold on for a second."

Then Paul heard "Columbia, Gem of the Ocean" as Margaret had apparently put him to hold, no doubt to deliver the message. Knowing Sam, and Josh, he was pretty sure it was left over from Haffley and not a choice of the new administration.

A minute later, the music stopped, but it wasn't Margaret's voice that came back on the line.

"Paul?"

"Mr. President, you didn't have to - ".

"First of all, it's 'Sam', remember? And second, I really want to let CJ and you know how much you have been missed, especially today, but also Thursday, Friday, and yesterday."

"Well, we had really been looking forward to it, but as sick as she is, it just wasn't to be," Paul replied with an imperceptible sigh. "Anyway, she did watch the oath and the speech. She cried when you mentioned Danny. That was nice of you. Truly excellent speech, by the way. But you already know that. All the commentators have nothing but good things to say about it, even the ones who don't believe you wrote it yourself."

_Jupiter_

"_Young Seaborn did quite well," Teddy Roosevelt proclaimed. "Almost as well as you did, Cousin Franklin."_

_The younger Roosevelt president nodded to the elder. _

_The other former presidents quickly fell into a heated discussion as to who had delivered the best inaugural address._

"Well, it was only the truth. If it weren't for Danny and CJ, that Valentine's Day ten years ago, with their encouragement, I might not have accepted Gabe Tillman's offer of the lieutenant governorship," Sam said, repeating the story he had told in his inaugural speech. "And then, of course, there was the bracelet."

"The bracelet?" Paul asked.

"CJ never told you? As I was leaving their place that afternoon, they mentioned that it was Valentine's Day. I had completely forgotten, had not bought anything for Morgan. When I said that I hoped I could find something at the airport, CJ offered me the bracelet that Danny had given her. She insisted, said it was the thought that counted. Of course, I paid Danny for it and I think he was able to find another one like it, but still-. And I know that Morgan would have understood, but I was about to ask her to just pick up and move across country for a second time in two years. So as far as I am concerned, I owe CJ, and Danny, so very much," Sam finished. "In any event, tell her that we miss her, and you, and we hope she gets well soon. I don't know when we will have our first state dinner, but the two of you will be invited. You tell her that when she wakes up and that we're all thinking of her. Margaret is telling me that the ambassador corps is waiting for me in the Mural Room."

_The meadow by Rainbow Bridge_

"_Remember that state dinner for the president of Indonesia, Leo?" Danny asked. "I think that day was when I first realized that I had more than a little crush on CJ. _

"_I remember how you raised a big stink about the vermeil, Danny," Abbey Bartlet said. _

"_I just did that to make CJ talk longer at the briefing. I really enjoyed watching her deal with all the side issues of that evening. I remember she was wearing a nice blue suit that afternoon, and then, that evening, in that silver grey dress, well, that's when my heart was captured."_

"_I remember that hurricane and the ships," Fitz said. "That was a real tragedy."_

"_Is that bracelet story true, Danny?" Brianna asked._

"_I'm sure it is," Alicia joined in before Danny could answer. "It sounds like her."_

"_It is. I was in awe of her that day. Sam was right, I did manage to get another bracelet, but I wanted her to wear it that night. It matched the dress she was wearing for the St. Valentine's dinner dance."_

_Looking up at Danny, Alicia could tell that while his arms were loosely draped around her shoulders, his mind was back in Santa Monica, a decade ago. And she was okay with it. _

"Of course, Mr. Pres – Sam," Paul amended. "And congratulations again. Enjoy the evening."

The doorbell rang was Paul was putting the phone back in its charging station. He opened the door to Mrs. Bialy from church, a casserole dish in her hands.

"They told us this morning that you were taking care of an invalid, when they explained why you weren't leading the service," the woman told Paul, pushing her way past him and into the foyer. "And I just knew that you would need some help, having to nurse your wife, take care of the children, and teaching at the seminary. So I've organized a food brigade; this is chicken and dumplings, my specialty. My, my, you certainly have a lot of containers in here." Mrs. Bialy had reached the kitchen and was at the refrigerator, making room for her dish.

"Thank you, Mrs. Bialy, you are too kind."

Actually, she wasn't, Paul thought to himself. Mrs. Bialy had brought her chicken and dumplings to many a church function. To say that the dish was bland was too tactful; the only seasoning was salt, pepper, and a little paprika, and the dumplings were heavy and doughy. And while he appreciated the thoughtfulness behind the idea of a casserole convoy, Paul was certainly capable of taking care of his family while CJ was ailing. He had done it several times over the length of their marriage, starting with the first time just about five years ago.

He and CJ had planned to fly out to DC last Thursday for the pre-inaugural festivities, the actual oath-taking, and the balls tonight, but CJ started getting sick on Monday and by Tuesday night, it was obvious that this was no simple cold. A trip to the health clinic on Wednesday resulted in a diagnosis of bronchitis and a sinus infection along with strep throat and instructions to stay home, in bed as much as possible, for a good ten days.

"My father, God bless him, was an old family doctor," said the middle-aged physician's assistant. "He always told his patients that if they just stayed in bed with aspirin and fluids, the cold would last two weeks, but if they took the antihistamines and decongestants, it would only last fourteen days." However, she did give CJ a supply of antibiotics to fight the infection and a cough syrup with codeine to help quiet the cough.

So Paul took his wife home, stopping at the store to stock up on chicken soup and ginger ale, put her to bed, and called the Lyman's to let everyone know that they wouldn't be coming to celebrate the start of the Seaborn presidency.

"Please give her my love, and tell her to get well soon," Donna said. Paul could hear a "me, too" in the background, so he said "Hi, Josh" in a slightly louder voice.

"I know how disappointed she must be," Donna continued, "but her health is more important."

"She had Hank design the most amazing dress," Paul replied. "It's a blue-green color, strapless but not plunging, with a slit in the back. She looks like an old-time movie star in it, or a society matron. You're right; she would be so disappointed, except she is so miserable."

And, he was disappointed too, Paul thought as he had hung up and then waded through the computerized voice menu for the airline to see what he could do about getting at least some of the money for the tickets refunded. To be honest with himself, he had come to enjoy being part of this group of players on the political scene, had come to enjoy the respect and attention that friends, neighbors, and colleagues showed when his and CJ's lives intersected with CJ's associates.

The antibiotics were working and CJ's sinusitis was clearing up, but she was still coughing up a storm and her throat was still sore, and she slept most of the time. Paul had already arranged for someone else to take his Thursday classes, so he had been able to stay home and play nurse.

Paul looked again at Mrs. Bialy's casserole. All was not lost, he determined. He could fish out the inedible dumplings, add some thyme, a bit of minced garlic, and some peas and carrots. With a little milk and water, he could serve it tonight as cream of chicken soup instead of the canned stuff.

Which was another thing; he and the children had just finished their main meal of the day. With CJ not able to eat much more than soup, toast, and eggs, Paul hadn't planned on preparing their normal Sunday afternoon dinner. But when he mentioned it to Pat, saying something about tuna melts or sloppy joes, the boy objected.

"But, Papa, it's our tradition! We eat a nice meal in the dining room on Sunday afternoons. We had to miss your church this morning because of Mama, and to watch Mr. Sam get sworn in, but I think we should have dinner like we always do. I can help you if it's too much for you to do by yourself."

Paul looked at Pat, seeing the Concannon smile, the Cregg height and facial features, and the effect of Derrick's presence in the boy's life, and said, "I think you're right."

Paul found some pork chops in the freezer to defrost in the microwave and the two of them made baked potatoes, baked pork chops, and green beans with almonds. They prepared a pan of brownies from a box to be served warm with ice cream for dessert. It was a fun father-son experience, teaching Pat some cooking basics. Paul decided that later, when CJ was better, he would talk with her about letting the boy use appliances other than the microwave. Pat was no longer a little child, and was, in the words of St. Luke, advancing in age, wisdom and grace.

Pat had supervised the girls as they set the table, teaching them the memory aids that Derrick had taught him a few years ago.

"Fork and left have four letters, so the forks go on the left-hand side of the plate; knife, spoon, and right have five letters, so they go on the right side. To make a'd' for drink, you have to put your right thumb and forefinger together, so the glasses go on the right." He was a good big brother, but then he had a good teacher.

With everything cleaned up in the kitchen, Paul started the dishwasher and then went to check on CJ. She was sleeping, just a little fitfully, her forehead slightly warm. Leaving the door open in order to hear if anything changed, he returned to the kitchen, poured himself another cup of coffee and settled down in the family room, where the girls were engaged in a game of "Candyland" and Pat and Hershey were playing tug-of-war with a piece of rope. Paul turned on the television and tuned to the football playoff game. The teams were deep in the second quarter and just after the first half came to an end, his mobile sounded. Paul smiled, recognizing Derrick's number, and answered.

Derrick was also watching the game and he asked about a particular play. Paul mentioned that he had just tuned into the game.

"Well, I'll shut up when the replay is shown, so you can see what I mean, Dad. How's CJ doing?"

"Still sick, but getting better. So far, neither I nor the kids have shown any signs of having it, thank God. And Natasha?"

"Great, just great. She, Tiana, and Michelle are over at the Hollis', of course, for the shower," Derrick informed his father.

It was a shame that even had CJ not gotten sick, she would have missed the baby shower, but Paul knew that his wife had arranged to have the stroller that Natasha and Derrick had chosen delivered to the party. That reminded Paul of another subject.

"Derrick, I want to discuss the crib again."

"Dad, you and CJ have done more than enough, with the painters and all back in September. As I said before, it's not up for discussion, it's settled. Now, here's that play I was talking about."

As they temporarily stopped the conversation, Paul realized once more that marriage had changed Derrick. There was an old saying – a son is a son until he takes a wife. It was to be expected, of course. Indeed, during pre-wedding counseling, Paul had told his son that a wife was the most important person in a man's life, after God and himself. So it was natural that Derrick did not volunteer to come up to help out this week. He needed to save his extra vacation and personal days to take care of Natasha and the baby when the child came. But the relationship between Paul and his son had also changed. Since becoming a husband, and now a soon-to-be father, Derrick conducted himself as more of an equal to Paul. There was no lack of respect, but some of the deference that Derrick had shown was no longer there. For example, back when Derrick and Natasha had come up around New Year's, Paul sensed some sort of an undercurrent between the young couple concerning the pregnancy. It was more than the normal apprehension that would be present when a man and a woman were expecting their first child.

When Paul approached Derrick about his observances, Derrick told his father that he was imagining things. Before, in such a situation, Paul could always, with a certain tone, get the truth from his son. But this time, when Paul had said, "Derrick, I ask you again, what is going on?", his son replied, "Dad, there is nothing wrong, nothing for you to worry about. So let's change the subject." It was only later that Paul realized that Derrick's claim that there was nothing wrong, in response to his demand to know what was going on, while it might be the truth, was not necessarily the whole truth.

_Cassiopeia's Chair_

"_But __**we**__ know," Alicia giggled to Danny. They had just finished swirling and were coming down from the high, _

After the highlights from the first half were over, the two Reeves men resumed their conversation.

"So how have the Arizona women enjoyed their visit this weekend?" Paul asked.

"It's been fine. Tasha's mother seems to have a new spark, a new vivacity about her. Tasha and Tiana are hopeful that she may even start dating again."

"Well, that's a good sign," Paul said. He couldn't say anything, of course, but he had had a call from Michelle Montmorency last week. She had been seeing one of the professionals Paul had recommended to her, and had joined a divorced, singled, and widowed group at her church.

Paul and Derrick stayed on the phone for the rest of the game, discussing the plays and life in general.

Paul doctored the chicken and dumplings and set it to simmer on the stove. The television station had switched from sports to news and was showing pictures of Sam and Morgan as they visited the first of the inaugural balls. Sam looked good in his tux and Morgan was striking. Her dress appeared to be a silvery fabric with a plunging neckline, perhaps a bit more décolletage than Paul would have liked had it been *his* wife wearing it, but by no means immodest. According to the woman doing the newscast, the new first lady's jewelry was diamond and platinum vermeil. In the crowd at the ball, Paul caught glimpses of the Lyman's, Margaret and John Hoynes, Ginger and Rick, Bonnie and Jean-Luc, and Carol and David. Knowing that CJ would want to see her friends, Paul went to the bedroom wing to wake her.

Entering the master suite, Paul was accosted by the odor of vomit. Concerned, he rushed to the bed. Apparently, CJ had tried to reach the plastic bucket by the side of the bed but hadn't been successful.

Paul hurried to the bed, berating himself for not checking on her before now, for letting himself get carried away by the game. After making sure that she was okay, he went to the bathroom for a couple of wet washcloths, a towel, and a glass of water. Paul coaxed her into rinsing out her mouth before taking off her soiled nightshirt and washing her face and body. Lifting CJ from the bed, he set her in the big overstuffed chair and covered her with a blanket. The Paul fetched a clean set of sheets and changed the bed linen. Finally, he got a clean nightshirt from the dresser.

As he bent down to lift CJ and return her to the bed, Paul was struck by an incredible case of _déjà vu_. Suddenly, it was thirteen years earlier, and he was caring for Alicia during the last months of her fight with cancer. The intensity of the event was so strong that Paul was unable to continue. He sank to his knees and tears streamed down his face. His shoulders shook with the struggle to keep his sobs silent, to keep from disturbing the woman sleeping just in front of him in the chair.

Oh, God, how her missed her. No matter the joy he had found in his current life, no matter the love he felt for CJ, Pat, Caitlin, and for the daughter they had made together, he also loved Alicia and wanted to see her again, hold her again, kiss her again. He wanted her to have been able to see her children fall in love and marry. He wanted her to have been able to hold Deborah's son and Derrick's coming child.

_I know, my darling. I'm not there, but I know. And I know my love and miss me, but you have a new life now. Be happy with her, be happy in it._

Slowly, the tears subsided and Paul wiped his face. He rose from the floor and carried CJ to the bed.

Back in the family room, he switched over to CSPAN and set the DVR to record the inaugural ball festivities, then went to the kitchen where he made grilled cheese sandwiches to give the kids along with the soup. After settling the three of them around the table with their supper, Paul returned to the bedroom and, leaving the door open so he could hear if anything went amiss in the kitchen, he lay down beside his wife.

The motion woke CJ, so after lightly kissing her, Paul turned on the bedroom television so CJ could see her friends, then fetched her medicine. When she answered his question about food in the affirmative, Paul went back to the kitchen to ladle out soup for the two of them.

When the kids found out that their mother was awake, they clamored for permission to be with her. Paul assented, but insisted that after they kissed her "only on the cheek, not on the mouth", they had to sit on the floor and not on the bed. Not only did he not want them catching her germs, he also wanted to make sure that CJ was not made uncomfortable.

**The next morning; 8:30 AM**

"What's for breakfast, Papa?" Caitlin asked as she joined her brother, sister, and father in the kitchen.

"I was going to make French toast and bacon," Paul answered the little redhead, bending down to kiss her forehead. "Do you like that?"

"Hooray!" Caitlin exclaimed, reaching up to give Paul a hug.

"Yes, thank you, Papa." Dansha was more reserved, but just as happy.

"And I know what your answer will be, Pat," Paul smiled at his son. After five years, French toast was still the boy's favorite breakfast.

"Do we have enough eggs, Papa? Will there be eggs for Mama to eat?"

For the second time in less than a day, Paul was struck with strong memories, this time of that first time CJ was sick and he had to take of her and the children. Pat was so young then, just a few months older than Dansha's age now. It had been the first time Paul had had to exercise disciplinary authority with CJ's son, the time when he and Pat became father and son. Paul had known that the little boy was terrified, sitting there in the study, and calmly, competently, he established the relationship, letting the child know that while Paul considered the actions of that morning to be bad and unacceptable, that did not mean that the boy himself was inherently bad and unacceptable. And over the years, their relationship had strengthened. Pat was growing into a delightful young man, a thoughtful, intelligent, kind, well-adjusted one. He was not perfect, of course. There had been more serious discussions over the years, more times when compensatory and punitive damages emptied Pat's piggy bank, and one or two times when Paul and CJ and deemed grounding to be a suitable repercussion. But after that one time with Caitlin's teddy bear, there had been no lying, no need for another spanking.

"We have lots of eggs, Pat," Paul said with a smile.

"Great! Can I help? I can mix the eggs and the milk while you cook the bacon."

While the kids were eating their breakfast, Paul went to check on CJ. She was awake, but sleepy. She answered yes when asked about breakfast, so Paul fixed some scrambled eggs, toast, juice, and tea for his wife.

"I'll take the tray in to Mama," Pat told him. "You sit and eat your breakfast, Papa."

Pat returned with the tray about fifteen minutes later, as Paul was cleaning up in the kitchen.

"Mama's sleeping again," the boy said. "Papa, I can stay home with you this afternoon. I don't have to go to the game."

Seattle was in town to play the Warriors; the NBA always scheduled afternoon games on MLK day and Will Marshall was taking the boys to see the teams play. When CJ got sick and the plans were changed, Will offered to turn in the tickets and get a set of four. They would make it a real father-son outing. Paul knew that one of the Hotchkiss's would be more than willing to come over and sit with CJ, just as Lee had done Saturday afternoon when Paul took the kids to Mass. But he also knew that the seats that were available were nowhere near as good as the three Will already had. Will had played college ball with one of the Warriors' assistant coaches and the tickets were fifth row behind the bench. So Paul thanked Will for the offer but said that he would use the time to catch up on some academic journals.

Paul also knew that Pat had been looking forward to the afternoon, so he thanked the boy for his kindness but told Pat that he should go with the Marshalls and enjoy his afternoon.

"If you're sure, Papa. When are Aunt Gina and Nona Bianca coming?"

"They should be here by 11:00, I should think."

When CJ and Paul made their plans to travel to DC for the inauguration, Gina and her mother volunteered to sit with the kids. With the change in plans, there was no need for the two of them to head down to Kensington on Wednesday. However, they still had the tickets for the special matinee showing of Disney on Ice that was scheduled for the holiday, and so Bianca and Gina would take the girls to the ice show and then to tea at the Fairmont. And instead of the outing being the final event of their stay, it would be the initial one; Gina and Bianca offered to stay with the Reeves family for a few days and help out until CJ was well enough to be left alone while Paul was down at PSR. Paul saw the advantages, not the least of which were the Italian meals that Bianca would prepare for the family.

**12:45 PM**

Paul shut the door as the Marshall Altima left the driveway. The female contingent had left for the city 25 minutes earlier. He looked into the living room. Hershey was on the floor, having found a patch of sun coming in through the front window.

Paul gathered his journals and headed for the bedroom wing. CJ was stirring and asked for some ginger ale, so Paul fetched two glasses. He told her of the events of the morning, how Gina and Bianca had arrived with a cooler full of lasagna, manicotti, and eggplant parmesan and a Tupperware ® container full of cannoli.

"Be sure to freeze some for me," CJ said with a yawn, "so I can enjoy it when I feel better."

"Of course, sweetheart," Paul answered, lightly kissing her forehead. Then they settled down to watch an old "How I Met Your Mother" rerun. Within ten minutes, CJ was asleep again, snuggled down against Paul's thigh, so he turned off the television and started on his reading.

Paul was well into the third article in the first journal when CJ began to murmur in her sleep and to stir a bit. He set down the magazine, intending to check her breathing and to see if her fever was intensifying, when she touched her left breast and then trailed her hand down to between her legs.

CJ was obviously having an erotic dream and Paul's first thought was to replace her hand with his own. Then he stopped. What if she was dreaming of someone from her past? What if she was dreaming of Danny?

"Please, Paul, please fill me up, I ache for you."

The words settled Paul's concerns; the effect on his groin was definitely not settling.

"Come to me, come in me!" CJ had spread her legs wide, her nightshirt riding up her hips, her arms reaching out above her.

As much as Paul now ached for his wife, as much as she wanted him in her dreams, there was no way that he could join with her. A man did not make love with a sleeping woman, even if she was his wife. And a man did not make love with his woman when she was ill.

Then, looking at CJ's face, contorted in need even though asleep, Paul was carried back to those summer months of '14, when she was carrying Dansha.

Paul had heard of the phenomenon, although Alicia had never experienced a great difference in libido when she was pregnant with the twins. He had counseled men who felt inadequate because they were not able to respond and react multiple times a day, every day, for two or three months. He had counseled women who felt ashamed of their urges, women who told him that there were times when they felt as if they needed to assuage pain rather than desire.

That summer, there were many times when CJ had looked at him with the same aching expression as she now wore in sleep.

_Danny smiled, remembering CJ's three pregnancies and the times when he took care of her needs._

So Paul did what he sometimes did at that time. He reached for her center, and, fingers inside her and thumb on her, used his skill to give her what she needed.

Of course, after CJ sighed in satisfaction and settled down once more against his side, Paul was still hard with desire for her. It would be a simple matter to deal with his own need, but then again not so simple. A few months ago, when it became apparent that even though CJ would not be joining Sam and the others in DC, she would sometimes be called to the capitol and, combined with her new role at the university and her position on the Hollis board, their times apart would become more frequent, Paul had come upon a realization for himself. He had decided that when he had promised to "keep himself only unto her", it meant that he would, to the best of his ability, find pleasure only with her. Her passage only. Her mouth only. Her hand only. It was not something he would ever ask of CJ. It was not something he would never even discuss with his wife. It was something between himself and his God.

It was not that he considered self-satisfaction to be bad. As he had told many young men, it was normal and acceptable as long as it was practiced in private and in moderation. Those were the words he had used with Derrick; those were the words he would use with Pat when the time was right. No, it was one of the many good things of God's creation that he had chosen to give up, much like a priest chooses celibacy, or a muslim woman who freely chooses the _hijab_.

For the third or fourth time in two days, Paul experienced déjà _vu_. He remembered the times he had released himself during those two months while waiting for CJ to be ready all those years ago. He remembered the times while waiting for his wedding night with Alicia. Luckily, or, unluckily, he told himself, he was no longer a young man of twenty. Urges came less frequently (but still frequently enough, praise God), and said urges were easier to control, if necessary.

But now, he would wait until his wife was well, and awake.

Paul sighed and turned to the next article in the journal. "Psychological Issues in Self-flagellation during the Middle Ages". A nice, deflating topic, Paul thought with a smile. Who said God didn't provide for our needs?


	39. For the Rest of Your Life

**For the Rest of your Life**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult – adult issues and activity and such and such

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

**Tuesday, April 30, 2019; Kensington, CA; 8:30 AM PDT**

"Okay, girls, let's get these bags to the kitchen. You each take one and I'll bring the others."

CJ grabbed the handles of the two biggest bags and waited as Caitlin and Dansha each took one of the knapsacks and rolled them out of the bedroom.

Last year, CJ could have used one bag for both girls' clothing for a six day trip, and she still could have this year, except that her daughters had insisted that they each have their own suitcase, plus a separate knapsack for their Barbies, stuffed animals, and other "vital" articles.

After running the kids, plus Hershey, up to Napa this morning, CJ would drive back home so that she and Paul could drive down to San Luis Obispo for a Hollis Foundation conference and a visit with Derrick and Natasha. One of Paul's Doctor of Divinity candidates was defending her dissertation this morning, which was why she was making this run up to Randy and Gina's by herself.

CJ stopped at Pat's door to make sure that he was ready, or nearly ready, for the trip. Pat had quietly but firmly insisted on packing for himself and picking out his own clothes. And CJ had acquiesced (after making sure that the garment bag with the girls' "church outfits" also included a pair of dress khakis and a blue shirt, loafers, plus a navy blazer and a tie "just in case" for her son). She knew that, if necessary, Randy and Gina had a huge pile of things that their sons had long outgrown, and that there were department stores in the area, but her motherly instincts still caused her some concern.

"You have enough socks and underwear? And not just one for each day, but some extra in case you need to change more than once a day or in case Papa and I get delayed for some reason? I know Aunt Gina can wash stuff, but I'd rather she didn't have to, I don't want to impose any more than necessary."

"Yes, Mama," Pat replied, "I have a pair of socks and a pair of underwear for each day, plus three extra of each. And if you're worried about imposing on Aunt Gina and Uncle Randy, why are we going up there instead of down to Derrick and Natasha's with you? I mean, I'm missing school and Caitlin's missing kindergarten, no matter what."

"Because Natasha is very pregnant and doesn't need to be bothered with all of us. Papa and I didn't want to stay with them ourselves but she and Derrick both insisted. And because Ellen can help you with your lessons, the work I got from your teachers yesterday. And last, but not least, mister, because I said so," CJ answered. They had had this discussion three times over the past month.

"Kay."

Then Pat smiled the smile that had been able to reduce her to emotional mush ever since that day, over two decades ago, when a certain White House reporter told her that he was doing it to flirt with her, and because he had a little crush on her.

"Oh, God, Daniel Concannon," she said to herself, "he may look like Mitch and Randy, but inside, he is all you. He's yours, Danny, through and through. It's been six years, as long without you as I had with you, and I still miss you, still love you, still want you."

"_Did I ever say he wasn't mine, Claudia Jean? Even without seeing the birthmark? Just teasing, darlin'. And I miss you, too, - the feel of you, the smell of you."_

"I need to leave now," Paul called out.

CJ hurried into the kitchen, with Pat trailing behind her. After a series of hugs all around for the kids and an ear rub for Hershey, Paul turned to CJ and took her in his arms.

"Drive safely. Text me when you get there, when you start back, and when you get here, if I'm not back by then," Paul spoke softly. They kissed quickly but gently. "I love you, sweetheart."

"And I love you, Paul."

Paul had already loaded the girls' bags into the car, as well as Hershey's stuff, so it wasn't much longer before CJ and her charges were headed north to the wine country.

**US 101 South, between San Martin and Gilroy, CA; 3:00 PM**

CJ yawned, and snuggled her head down against Paul's shoulder. The efforts of the day were getting to her.

The trip north had been uneventful, but the round trip had been close to three hours' drive time. She had arrived home about 12:30, with Paul pulling into the drive as she was getting out of the SUV. They secured the house and were on the road by 1:00, stopping for lunch at a new little place outside of San Jose that Ellie and Vic had recommended. They were taking the inland route down today, because of the late start, but they would come back via the coast. They had a reservation for Sunday night in Carmel, but they might cancel it and drive straight through, depending on how they felt at the time.

CJ shivered just a little and pulled the sides of her sweater together.

"Are you cold, sweetheart? Do you want me to stop and put up the top?" Paul asked.

CJ looked up and smiled at him. "No, I'm fine, really. Well, maybe I'll use the throw. I do like the warmth of the sun, but the wind is just a bit brisker at times." As she reached down to the blanket that was on the cherry red carpeting of the car, she noticed a quick look of relief on Paul's face. He enjoyed driving this vintage Pontiac convertible as much as she enjoyed her Mustang.

Paul's uncle, his mother's younger brother, had died three months ago, and the man, a bachelor with no children, had left Paul his prize possession – a Bonneville from the mid 1970's.

The last thing they needed was another convertible, especially one with only lap belts and no shoulder harnesses or airbags, but CJ had heard the joy in Paul's voice as he told Derrick about driving up the Thruway toward Lake George with his uncle, Dylan on the tape deck and cigar smoke in the air. So when Paul "thought out loud" about seeing what kind of price he could get for the "antique in excellent condition", mentioning something about Dansha's tuition, CJ told him that they would be keeping the car.

She had to admit that it was nice to be able to sit up close to Paul, using the middle seat belt, with his arm around her. The road was lightly traveled, being the middle of the week and too early for summer tourists, and soon the warmth of the blanket and the sun lulled her to sleep.

**San Luis Obispo, CA; home of Derrick and Natasha Reeves: 7:30 PM**

CJ took a long drink from her beer and then picked up another rib. She hoped that Derrick had made enough sauce; she wanted to take some home with her when she and Paul left on Sunday. Joe had shared his barbeque recipe with Derrick, but only under solemn oath that the secret not be shared with anyone other than those with Dawson blood. Of course, that hadn't kept Paul from trying to replicate it over the years.

"Damn, this is good, Derrick," CJ said as she swallowed the last mouthful from that particular bone. "You ever get tired of lawyering, you can go into business doing this."

"No way!" Natasha exclaimed. "My uncle runs a restaurant and he puts in more hours than anyone at the foundation."

"So he can package and sell it," CJ answered.

"But then someone else would have to know the secret, and I'll get my butt kicked by Granddad," Derrick laughed. "Hey, Dad, pass the potato salad."

As Paul obliged his son, CJ leaned back and decided that she had eaten enough for now. Besides, Natasha had said something about a white chocolate mousse cake, apologizing for it being a "bakery bought" dessert that Derrick had picked up earlier in the day.

Because most of the conference participants weren't arriving until late tonight, there wasn't an event on the schedule. Frank and Sarita and invited CJ and Paul to join them in a quiet dinner for a few of the early arrivals, including Jed Bartlet, but the two of them had begged off, using Derrick and Natasha as a reason.

"I'll go get dessert," Natasha pushed on the arms of her chair, almost made it to a full vertical position, and collapsed down into the seat. "Take two," she said.

"I'll get it," Paul told his daughter-in-law. "You've done enough by insisting that we stay with you, just, what, a few days before the event?"

"Next Saturday is week 40," Natasha answered, "but the doctor said that first babies are often late."

"And you still won't tell us whether it's a boy or a girl?" CJ asked.

Derrick and Natasha, when asked, said that they knew, but they wanted to keep the secret to themselves. The only thing they revealed was that a girl would be named for her grandmothers, a boy for his grandfathers.

In one sense, CJ and Paul could understand. Those few weeks between finding out about Dansha and telling the family had been a special time for them. But CJ also knew that Paul's ego made him want to know *everything*.

At first CJ and Paul had wanted to stay at the lodge next to the conference site near campus, even after Natasha insisted that "they were family, not trouble". It was only after Derrick explained that Natasha was getting a bit lonely that the elder couple agreed to stay at the house. Natasha's doctor had put her on modified rest for the final weeks of the pregnancy. "Now that she's too big to drive, it would be a blessing, Dad, if you were here with her during the day, take her on a few errands, that sort of thing. I'm saving all my time to be with her after the birth."

So Paul would spend the next two and a half days, in addition to grading essays, keeping Natasha from being bored to death.

"When you're getting the cake, get my purse, too. It's on the counter. I want to give CJ my keys and registration." They had decided that the old Pontiac was roomier than Tasha's Accord and therefore more comfortable for the mother-to-be.

Two hours later, CJ climbed into the bed in Derrick and Natasha's guest room. She yawned as she adjusted herself in the unfamiliar covers. She was one tired lady. Even the strangeness of the mattress would not keep her from a sound sleep tonight; it had been a very busy day, but it was over.

Well, not quite over, CJ realized. Paul had come into bed beside her, and gathered her in his arms. Of course, she told herself, one sign of hesitation on her part and he would back away, the kiss of desire that was pressing on her lips turning into one of affection. But her body was already responding. Her mouth was opening to his and she could already feel the need for his touch at the center of her core, the sudden awareness of the emptiness that needed to be filled. And, after all, it was the best way in the world to relax, to release whatever iota of tension that might be left from the pressures of the day. And, most of all, she loved this man who was holding her.

So CJ wrapped her arms around her husband, answering his tongue with her own, and turning from her side to her back, pulled him along with her, spreading her legs wide in welcome.

**Wednesday, May 1; Hollis Foundation Conference Center Reception Room; 5:45 PM**

CJ and Jed Bartlet smiled at each other as the two women with them, one a Women's Studies professor and the other, an expert in Political Anthropology, continued to talk. Neither woman had allowed CJ or Jed a single word for the past ten minutes.

The Wellesley Alumnae Association had decided to fund a project in Abbey's memory, an effort to train young women in third world countries in the basics needed to qualify for admission to university with the ultimate aim of being accepted for medical school. Naturally, these bright, well-educated, and genteel women knew that they could manage the endeavor themselves. Naturally, these bright, well-educated, and genteel women also felt it proper to ask Abigail Bartlet's widower for his consent to their honoring of Abbey. And, naturally, Jed Bartlet, being who and what he was, insisted that anything bearing the name of his beloved wife be the best in the world, so he insisted that the women of Wellesley consult with the Hollis Foundation on how best to formulate and execute such a program. With "Road to a Better World" and its sister projects, Frank, Sarita, and the staff of the foundation were the recognized experts in philanthropical management.

Frank Hollis had given the keynote speech this morning, followed by a presentation from the legal team, including Derrick, on the intricacies of US and international law governing such ventures. After lunch, there had been two sets of breakout sessions, followed by a rest period. This cocktail reception had started at 5:30, with dinner scheduled for 7:00.

At the sound of laughter, CJ looked up to see Glenn and Ainsley Walken talking with Matt and Jessica Santos. Tomorrow morning, CJ, along with Glenn and Matt, would talk with the sub-committee that would be choosing the executive director for the new foundation. Right now, CJ wished that she was part of the Walken/Santos group. Not that being with Jed Bartlet was ever a bore (sometimes pedantic, but never boring), but CJ was pretty sure that were she and Paul with the others, it would be much more enjoyable.

Speaking of Paul, where was he? Her husband was supposed to have been here by now. Thinking he might be with Derrick, CJ looked around the room, only to realize that Derrick was not there either. That was odd. Memos had been circulated throughout the staff. With three ex-Presidents in attendance, every staff member except the part-time work-studies were expected to attend the evening event, and to dress in at least "fancy casual" attire (no jeans, no tube tops, no shorts, no flip-flops). CJ knew that, given Natasha's condition, Derrick was excused from the dinner and post-dinner events, but that he was expected to put in an appearance at the reception for at least 45 minutes.

Reaching into her pocket, CJ surreptiously looked at her mobile and, seeing that she had two text messages and three voice mails, realized that when she had taken her mobile from the table in front of her and put it in her pocket, she had left it in silent mode rather than switching to vibrate. Sighing to herself, CJ clicked on the first text.

"Oh my gosh!"

That finally shut up the two women.

"My daughter-in-law has gone into labor," CJ exclaimed. "Please excuse me." She looked around the room, saw Sarita Hollis talking with some of the office staff, and went to explain the situation and why she was leaving the event.

Just as she reached the door, she heard her name being called by Jed Bartlet.

"Are you going to be okay? Are there complications? Do you want me to go with you?"

"Yes. No. No," she answered. "Thanks for your concern, sir, for your offer, but I don't think we need those guys," she indicated the men in black standing behind the former president, "all over the hospital."

"I guess you're right," Jed agreed. "Keep me informed." He reached over to kiss her cheek.

Twenty minutes later, CJ was running into the maternity waiting room of the hospital.

Paul was standing with his back to her, his hand holding his mobile to his ear. As he heard the footsteps, he turned around, draped his other arm around her, and quickly and quietly kissed her forehead.

"I'm sure it will be okay, Michelle. CJ and I will be here until Sunday. Surely you'll be able to get a flight out of Phoenix by then. And I'll call as soon as we know anything. Yes, no matter how late, or early."

CJ waited until Paul finished with Natasha's mother, reflecting that her husband had naturally fallen into his "reassuring minister" mode.

A nurse came into the waiting area. Apparently, she knew who Paul was because the woman walked right up to them.

"Natasha is progressing nicely, but it's going to be a long night. Derrick says you should go out and get something to eat. There's a nice little Italian place just down the street," she told them.

CJ looked at Paul. "I could eat, or not eat. I had finger food at the reception. Wellesley women sure know how to talk your ear off."

"Okay, we'll go," Paul replied and then smiled at the nurse and handed her a card. "Here's my number; can you have someone call if anything changes in the next hour or so?"

When they returned from the restaurant, there were three other groups in the waiting area. One of the televisions was tuned to the NBA playoffs, the other to MSNBC. Paul pulled out a deck of cards from his pocket and the two of them started a game of gin.

**Thursday, May 2; 1:12 AM**

CJ started out of the dream she had been having about Josh and Toby arguing about baseball. As she shook herself awake, she realized that the argument was taking place on the television tuned to ESPN.

Paul's head was against her shoulder; he was still sleeping.

She looked around the room. One of the other groups, the one with the woman who was in for her fifth child, was no longer in the room.

The door opened and a nurse, a different one than from earlier, came into the room.

"Reeves?" he called out.

"That's us," CJ said. She stood up, waking Paul.

"If you'll follow me," the man said, leading them toward the door.

CJ looked to her right and gasped.

There was Derrick, looking dead tired but radiant, on the other side of the glass, still in the scrubs.

"Mama, Dad, may I present Miss Alicia Michelle Reeves." He looked at the little pink-hatted bundle in his right arm. "And Miss Regina Pauline Reeves." There was another pink-hatted bundle on his left arm.

_Reg Montmorency and Alicia high-fived each other. Derrick and Natasha had kept the secret from their families on earth, but the two of them had known as soon as sperm and ovum had joined and then split into two identical zygotes._

"Do you want to go in?" the nurse, whose nametag read "Jeff", asked.

"Is it safe?" CJ asked in return.

"Sure. The kids are perfectly healthy. Here, let me help you with these scrubs."

"Two little girls!" Paul exclaimed, as the nurse helped Derrick put first Alicia and then Regina into their grandfather's arms. "Identical?" He asked.

"So far as we know. One sac and one placenta," Derrick answered.

Looking at Paul holding the girls, CJ felt the tears start in her eyes. Eleven years was a long time, but suddenly it seemed like yesterday. She felt a slight, invisible pressure against her shoulders and a similar feeling against her legs.

_Danny put his arm around CJ and brushed his lips against her hair. "I know, Jeannie, I know."_

"_Please don't cry, Mama. We're fine up here. We have Daddy, and Alicia, and Pistol, and Jasmine," Cosmas and Damian spoke as one. "And Danielle."_

_The little red-headed girl stood on the other side of Danny. "Mama never knew about me, did she?"_

_Danny put his other arm around her. "No, we didn't, sweetheart. But she would have loved you as much as I do."_

CJ wiped her eyes and held out her arms for one of the girls.

"I'll have to dig up all of Caitlin's and Dansha's old things," CJ said. "And you'll need another crib, a second set of everything."

"We'll go to the store tomorrow," Paul said.

"Dad, we already have it, it's hidden in the basement," Derrick said, "but I would appreciate help getting up all upstairs and put together. Of course, we could keep them in the same crib for a few days."

"Son, we'd like to help with the costs," Paul said.

"Dad, it's paid for. But if you want to put money in their college funds, it would be appreciated."

"Why don't we take these little ones for now," Jeff said and put the girls into bassinets. He and another nurse wheeled them to the nursery.

"What about Tasha?" CJ asked.

"Dead to the world," Derrick answered. "It would be best to come back tomorrow, well, later today. Dad, who are you calling?"

"Michelle. She said she wanted to know right away. Damn, I should have taken pictures!"

"I did," Derrick said, pulling out his phone. "Let me call her and tell her."

**Home of Derrick and Natasha Reeves: 7:30 AM**

CJ woke to an empty space beside her in the bed. It surprised her a bit that Paul would already be up, given their late night, but then he preferred the early morning for his prayer and reflection time. She walked across the hall to the bath and got herself ready for the conference.

Going downstairs, CJ could smell the coffee. As she approached the kitchen, she could hear the voices, and decided to stay out of sight, not wanting to disturb the conversation between father and son.

"Dad, I thought I had everything pretty much under control. Tasha and I want children, we are financially prepared for kids, and I thought, from observing you and CJ with first Pat and Caitlin, and then Dansha, that I knew what to expect, I helped with them, even acted _in loco parentis_ several times. But, yesterday, when I saw the girls, when I held them, it hit me: we are responsible for two new lives. For now, at least, they will depend on us for *everything*. It's overwhelming."

"I know, Derrick. I felt the same way with the two of you, with Dansha, and even with Pat and Caitlin," Paul answered. "But I also know you, and I know that you will manage just fine. And it goes without saying, I'm here for you whenever you need advice, or a sounding board." Then Paul raised his voice slightly. "And, sweetheart, you don't have to stand outside; come in."

CJ noted that Derrick still seemed tired, but still was glowing.

"Did you sleep at all?" she asked her stepson, giving him a hug.

"After a bit," came the answer. "I talked with Deborah for at least thirty minutes."

CJ realized that, tired as he was, Derrick would have to share his momentous news with the person to whom he had been closest for his whole life, and nine months before.

"Was she in on the twin thing?" CJ asked.

"No, but she said she wasn't surprised. As she pointed out, with both Tasha and I being twins, the probability was higher than normal."

"Yeah," CJ replied. Then, seeing the little jewelry box on the table, "What's that?"

Derrick opened the velvet case to reveal a beautiful pair of emerald-cut earrings, about two carats each, CJ estimated, in brilliant green.

"They're lab-created, not real," Derrick said. "I just didn't want any occlusions. Do you think she'll mind that?"

"Of course not!" CJ answered. "They're gorgeous. I guess you were pretty sure about May."

"Well, Lish and Gina did cut it close," Derrick laughed.

"_Hey, they already have nicknames!" Danny shouted to the others._

**Later that day**

CJ headed into the hospital and up to the maternity wing. She had opted out of the afternoon sessions of the conference; she wasn't a major participant in any of them and she wanted to see her daughter-in-law. She also let the Frank and Sarita know that she and Paul would not be attending the private tour and dinner at San Simeon that evening.

As CJ approached Natasha's room, she saw several black-suited men in the hall. She had seen Matt Santos and Glenn Walken at the conference center, so it was obvious which ex-president was visiting.

After kissing and hugging a glowing (and much slimmer) Natasha, CJ asked for the whereabouts of Derrick and Paul.

"Checking on a car detailing place for some convertible, and then in the cafeteria," Jed Bartlet answered. "And I think I'll go join them for a bit. Give the two of you some girl, excuse me, women, time." He kissed CJ and left, trailed by his attendants.

"So," CJ said.

"Tired; sore; tired; happy; tired; totally in love with my girls," Natasha knew what CJ meant.

"Have you talked with your mom, with Tiana?"

"Both, and Deborah. And also the kids. Pat is bemused that he has both an aunt and a niece with the same nickname," Natasha giggled. "Mom will get here later tonight. Derrick will pick her up at the airport.

"I'm so glad that we can stay here until Saturday. I can't imagine having to go home within twenty-four hours, the way some plans work."

"I know that Morgan has that on her list as First Lady," CJ said. "By the way, what was that about a car detail place?"

"They didn't tell you? My water broke all over your Bonneville; I was so-o-o embarrassed!"

Both women started at the sound of squeaking wheels and looked up to see two bassinets being pushed into the room.

"It's time for nursing training," one of the women announced.

"Do you want me to leave?" CJ asked. She knew that some women were shy about this, especially at first.

Natasha blushed. "If you don't mind? I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for," CJ assured the new mother. "I'll go to the cafeteria. How long?" she asked the nurse. With two, CJ really had no idea.

"Give us forty minutes, just to be sure."

When CJ reached the cafeteria, she saw Jed, Paul, and Derrick seated at a table near the windows and went to join them. Jed was expounding his thoughts, as usual.

"You know, when we went to Egypt, I was called '_abu el banat_, the father of daughters', as if it were a curse. But raising my girls has been the highlight of existence, second only to my faith, and Abbey.'A son is a son till he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter for all of her life' and all that."

I'm not so sure about that, CJ thought to herself. True, there was a change in Derrick and Paul's relationship after Derrick's marriage that she didn't observe in that between Paul and Deborah, but Paul still cared for, and about, Derrick as much as he did Deborah. Of course, CJ realized, with Deborah in Alaska as opposed to about four hours down the road, it was different. Who knew? What she did know was that Paul would always be close to his children, all five of them, and their spouses.

As would she.


	40. Boundaries

**Boundaries**

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult – adult issues and activity and such and such

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

**Thursday, June 6, 2019; Kensington, CA; 4:45 PM PDT**

"Ouch!"

"I'm sorry, honey."

Paul immediately let go of the hair that he had been trying to gather into a ponytail.

"It's okay, Papa. I know you never hurt on purpose."

As Dansha smiled up at him, Paul looked into the brilliant eyes peeping out from under the thick layer of bangs and once again thanked God for the totally unplanned, totally unexpected, and totally cherished gift of this youngest daughter. Then he once more gathered the dark curls over her left ear to match the one over the right ear and fastened it with a covered rubber band. Then Paul pushed two preformed kelly green bows into the elastics and straightened the shoulders of Dansha's matching T-shirt.

"There! Both my girls are ready for their closeups."

Caitlin was also in kelly green, but her mass of red curls were free flowing just above her shoulders, with one bow on the right side of her head at eye level.

"And here's the male contingent," Paul said as Pat came into the kitchen, his kelly green polo neatly tucked into his chinos, accompanied by Hershey, who was wearing a neckerchief in (what else?) kelly green.

"Papa, how come we need to get our picture taken again? Why can't we use the same one we took for your church back in March?" the young man asked.

"It's a different company," Paul answered. "These companies offer to produce the directories and take the pictures in the hopes of getting the parishioners to buy extra copies. That's where they make their money. And the companies copyright the pictures, so you have to pay to reproduce them."

Paul didn't mention to the children that in addition to that reason, he was pretty sure that at least some of the parishioners at the Catholic parish would have a problem with using the picture from the Disciples of Christ one in the parish directory. Mary Mag was a pretty liberal church in a pretty liberal town, but the sight of Paul in a clerical collar would probably be pushing the envelope a bit too far.

"Can we eat something?" Caitlin asked.

_**The meadow by Rainbow Bridge**_

"_I don't know. Can you?" Danny asked as he watched Pistol and Damian play tug-of-war with a stick._

"_Once a grammar nerd, always a grammar nerd," Alicia sighed._

"_I know. Are you sure you'll be okay here by yourself? Are you sure you don't want to join the others?" Danny asked._

"_I'm sure. Someone should watch out for Jasmine. She's never been a mom before."_

_The men were taking the kids and Pistol on a whitewater adventure and overnight camping trip at the Horsehead Nebula. The other women were over on Venus at the spa, but Alicia was in what passed for a blue funk in heaven and didn't want to be around anyone. _

_Jasmine had volunteered to be foster mom to three little puppies who had been born deformed in utero and euthanized at whelping, so Alicia said she would stay back and keep the dog company as Jasmine nursed, bathed, and cuddled the little balls of fur._

"_Okay then. See you tomorrow."_

Paul pulled a container of carrot and celery sticks out of the refrigerator. He decided against the dill/yogurt dip; Murphy's Law predicated that it would surely end up on at least one kid's shirt.

Then he checked the crockpot and its contents, turning it down one notch. With the salad already sitting in the refrigerator, dinner would be ready as soon as they returned home from the picture session.

"I'm going to change my shirt and then we'll be leaving to meet Mama at church," Paul told the children.

Leaving the bedroom, Paul tucked his open-collared shirt into his pants and stopped in the hall to fasten his belt. The children were talking and he remained in the hallway, able to see them but out of their line of sight, as he didn't want to disturb the flow of conversation. Also, it was prudent, sometimes, to eavesdrop, to make sure that nothing was being hidden from CJ and himself.

"Supper smells good," Pat was saying. "I hope I can be a good cook like Papa when I'm bigger. I wish Mama would let me start cooking now."

Paul made a note to start involving Pat more when he was preparing the family meals.

"Mr. Ken, Lindsay's daddy, says men who cook are chicken bit and kitty hit," Dansha opined.

"Huh?" Pat asked.

"No, Dansha," Caitlin helpfully corrected her younger sister. "It's hen-pecked and pussy-whipped!"

Now *that* brought Paul up short. Ken Bryant was one of the fathers at the Montessori school, with a son in Dansha's preschool class and a daughter Caitlin's age, and Paul had been aware of his tendency to be early twentieth century in his attitudes. But Paul had not been aware that the man expressed his opinions so crudely in front of children (either his own or others) and was not too happy about having to figure out how to explain the inappropriateness of the latter phrase to his kids, especially the girls.

"Caitlin!" Pat cried out, "That's a terrible thing to say! Don't ever use those phrases again."

"Why? What's bad about it?"

"Well."

Paul could hear the hesitation in Pat's voice, could almost feel the heat coming from a face that Paul was sure was blushing. Paul sighed to himself. It wasn't right that a boy who just turned 10 would be so knowledgeable, but unless you kept your kids in a cocoon, it was inevitable.

"It's a very mean and ugly way of saying that Mama bosses Papa around. Kind of like when that lady in Tucson called Dansha a 'half-breed' because Mama is white and Papa is black," Pat continued.

"Well, Mama does tell Papa to take his medicine and to go see the doctor and the dentist," Caitlin reasoned.

"But Papa tells Mama to plug in her phone and to lock the car doors," Pat answered.

"They boss each other," Dansha said, "and us."

"But they aren't doing it to be mean, or because one of them thinks they are better than the other, or better than us. They do it because they love each other," Pat told the girls.

"But why does Mr. Ken say 'pussy' when he means a mother?" Caitlin wondered.

Paul was *not* going to put Pat through explaining that. It was something he and CJ would discuss together, how best to handle the issue. Actually, she should take it care of it with the girls. Although he and CJ shared household tasks, there were still some things that were best left to her and some things best left to him. There were still some boundaries that he didn't want to cross.

"Okay, let's all get into the car. I'm sure Mama is waiting for us, already in her green shirt, and you know that she is going to check all of our faces and our hair."

**Later that evening**

Paul panted heavily as he felt the blood rushing toward his groin. Increasing in speed and intensity, he pounded into the warm wetness of his wife's body. His left arm, under her stomach at her hips, held her firm against him as his right hand struggled to maintain the contact she needed to climax with him.

He looked down the slope of her back, at the hips that widened so pleasingly out from her waist. It had been a while since he had seen her like this, on her knees with her butt in the air, her head on the mattress cradled in her arms.

Finally, Paul felt her begin to spasm. Having brought her to her peak, he let himself reach his. The two of them sounded their joy, a cry from her and a grunt from him.

As his breath slowed, Paul wondered why a) she tended to avoid this position and b) knowing that, why he had gently but insistently chosen it this evening.

For the latter, he was pretty sure it had a lot to do with his visceral reaction to what his daughters' classmates' father had implied about men who crossed the old divide between men's work and women's work. Paul felt shame. He had taken out his wounded male ego on CJ's body. It was not the kind of thing he wanted to do.

The first question was more of a puzzlement. Paul didn't think it was because the position was special to CJ and Danny. After all, CJ had shared the "crabbing" one with him. And the sense he got from her was not one of specialness, but of mental discomfort and pain. It had to be something hurtful, it had to be someone who hurt her, between their days at Berkeley in the 1980's and her time with Danny. When he and CJ were together those many years ago, they had tried just about everything in the sex manuals, and although they tended to prefer the more garden variety stuff, he remembered making love with CJ in this manner several times; she had enjoyed it then.

And Alicia had always enjoyed it. She had the most wonderful fanny, and she knew that this position showed her posterior in its best light and he was pretty sure Alicia used it to her advantage. All he had to do was see her kneeling and bending over and he would harden like marble in an instant.

Suddenly, Paul felt his head jerk swiftly to the right.

"_Fuck __you, __Paul __Reeves! __Don__'__t __you __*ever* __drag __me __into __bed __with __you __and __her __again!__"_

_Alicia's hand stung from having slapped Paul open-palmed across his left cheek. She wiped away the unexpected tears with the back of her other hand. _

_Alicia had never been as angry with Paul as she was right now. If he weren't still joined to CJ, she would have kicked him in the balls._

_Alicia knew, logically, that Paul and CJ were married and that she and Danny were happy for the two of them. She had been aware of the countless times that her husband and Danny's wife had made love with each other over the past five-plus years. And she was well aware of the myriad times that she and Danny had pulled each other into the Swirling Dance. _

_She also knew, from what Brianna had told her, that when the time came, that somehow, she would be with Paul and also be with Danny, that Paul would be with her and also be with CJ, that CJ would be with Paul and also be with Danny, and that Danny would be with her and also be with CJ, entwined in the depth of color and light. And that when they weren't united in the Swirling Dance, the four of them would enjoy each other's company the way that Brianna, Jem, and Hugh did._

_But for some reason, when Paul thought of her while he was inside CJ, she was drawn into their relationship more intensely than she had ever been and was fully aware that her man was no longer hers. _

_Alicia decided that she needed to get her mind away from Paul and CJ, away from the bedroom in the hills above Berkeley. She heard a laugh, half delight, half wonder and smiled. Then she shifted her focus down the California coast to San Luis Obispo, where Derrick was blowing little kisses on Gina's belly while Natasha was feeding Lish._

As they came down from the height of their respective orgasms, Paul told CJ of the conversation he had overheard earlier in the day. She giggled at Dansha's hilarious mishearing of Ken Bryant's chauvinistic and coarse comments, and the way Caitlin earnestly corrected her little sister with no idea of what she was saying. CJ agreed that although Pat had temporarily defused the issue, it might be wise to talk with her daughters. But she wasn't sure that she should volunteer anything more than absolutely necessary just yet.

"I think the best thing would be to not bring up 'pussy-whipped' unless Caitlin or Dansha does. Instead, just discuss the idea that most things are not specific to either sex, and that there is nothing wrong with a man doing the cooking or a woman fixing the sink," CJ said. Then she sighed in reaction to Paul's thumb caressing the side of her breast. "You want seconds?" She moved her leg up over his genitalia.

"Want? Always. Able? I don't know," Paul answered. He took a deep breath. "I made an appointment with Sid Fleischmann for next week."

CJ took a breath, trying to get her thoughts in order. As close as she was to this man, this husband of hers, this first lover, she knew she needed to tread delicately right now. She knew that this was a new part of their life together and she had to make sure that the boundary did not become a barrier.

"Are you sure that it wasn't just an aberration, two days ago?" CJ asked. "Last night, and just now, I have no complaints."

"But I could sense that you were concerned when it happened, sweetheart. Or, rather, didn't happen," Paul finished with a laugh. "And we just let it slide, as it were, at the time."

"Well, I for one, had some uncertainty, some insecurity. Am I becoming less desirable?"

"You? Never." Paul accentuated his answer with a full mouth and tongue kiss. "As long as both of us are breathing, I'm going to find you desirable. But I am getting older. I've been lucky so far, but if there is a problem, I want to know about it. As I tell the men who come to me, to talk about ED, if God has given us the medical science to help turn wishing into doing, then we should first thank Him and then take advantage of it."

The two of them giggled and settled into sleeping position.

"Sweetheart, one more thing. I'm sorry I got carried away before, trying to make you go into that position."

"It's okay," CJ answered.

Paul turned to look at her face and saw the sweep of emotions – first the pain of some distant memory and then the hurt of realizing that he had seen.

"I'm sorry I can't talk about it, Paul," she whispered.

"Sssh." He put a finger to her lips. "Your past is your past. I just hate seeing you hurt, CJ. If and when you want to tell me, if you need to tell me, I'm here."

**Washington, DC**

John Hoynes sat up in bed, startled.

It was only a dream; it was not that shameful night more than twenty years ago.

But it seemed so real. Too real, he told himself, looking down at the tented sheet, which covered a penis so engorged it was more pain than pleasure.

John flushed in shame as he remembered the dream, and the night that inspired the dream. In essence, it had been rape. No, he didn't force her to his room. No, he didn't force her to have sex with him. And, no he didn't force her to kneel on the bed. But when she resisted his hand pushing down on her shoulders, pushing her head onto the mattress, he had just laughed and pushed harder. In essence, *that* part was rape.

How ironic was it that the man who had helped him to see that his indiscriminate philandering and need sexual power play, was something that he could and should conquer was now married to that woman from the EMILY's list reception?

For nine years, John Hoynes had been faithful to the tall redhead sleeping just eight inches away in the bed. And for nine years, John Hoynes had lived the truth of Paul Reeves' counsel – that being faithful and true to one person brings, in the end, more satisfaction, emotional and physical, than jamming it into multiple willing orifices. With God's grace, John Hoynes had conquered two addictions – alcohol and sex as power – and with that grace, he would continue to do so.

He lay down in the bed and started to turn to his wife, then stopped himself. Over the years, the two of them had become keenly attuned to each other's needs. The pressure of his erection against her derriere would waken her, and she would turn to accept him.

But this arousal, no matter how unconsciously, no matter how unwillingly, was not caused by his love and his desire for Margaret, but by the memories of another woman. To relieve it with her would be, in his relatively new-found sexual ethic, an abomination.

He turned onto his back.

"John Adams. Thomas Jefferson. Aaron Burr. George Clinton. Elbridge Gerry. Daniel Thompkins. John Calhoun."

Reciting the names of his vice-presidential predecessors was a good tactic for deflation.

**San Luis Obispo, CA**

Derrick lowered Lish into her bassinet. He put his finger into her little left hand and watched as she slowly closed her eyes and started the slow, shallow breath of neonatal slumber.

At the sound of a burp, he looked up to see that Natasha had finished nursing Gina, so he walked over and took his other daughter to the changing table, rediapered her, and set her into her bassinet.

"Derrick."

Without looking up, Derrick knew what the tone of Tasha's voice indicated. His wife was one of those women who became incredibly aroused when nursing a child. And, according to the OB-BYN, it was much too soon for the two of them to resume intercourse.

So Derrick left his daughters to their dreams and, smiling, walked to the bed. He kissed Natasha's mouth and then, his hand unsnapping her robe, moved his head between her breasts, and trailed his lips down the length of her body.

_Alicia turned away. _

_His smile was Paul's smile. His head was Paul's head. Suddenly, Alicia was reliving that first time, in that hotel room in New York, when Paul's mouth caused her to jerk up from the bed in joy, screaming so loud she was sure the entire floor heard her, not to mention the rooms above and below._

_Emotionally, it was close to incest and Alicia jerked away, trying desperately to keep her thoughts away from earth. "Why the hell? Why me?" she cried in anguish. Suddenly, she felt more alone than she had ever felt, on earth or here. "I wish I were dead!"_

_She shuddered at the realization of what she had said. Can someone get kicked out of heaven?_

_Alicia felt a heaviness in her lap, two touches of wetness, one cold, one warm, on her hand. As Jasmine's nose bumped against Alicia's fingers and the dog's tongue licked her palm, the mental miracle of Rainbow Bridge began. _

"_It's okay. They love you and They understand. And I'm here for you."_

_And Alicia was thankful that there was one creature in God's heaven and on God's earth with whom she had no boundaries. _


	41. Sabbatical

CJ/Danny, CJ/OMC, Danny/OFC; alternative universe, total fantasy (or is it?)

Rating Adult – adult issues, consensual activity, and such and such

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for "Holding Hands on the Way Down"

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

**Saturday, June 29, 2019; Kensington, CA; 1:30 PM PDT**

"Enjoy this next week with your family, Paul, and once again, I'm sorry for the inconvenience."

Paul Reeves smiled at the man at the front door, one of his fellow ministers.

"It's okay, Denny. I'm just glad that your broken wrist and Angie's cuts are the extent of the injuries."

Denny Harkness was supposed to pick up the on-call phone from Paul Friday afternoon, but he and his wife had the misfortune to be in the middle of a dense fog related multicar pileup on I-5.

Paul sighed as he closed the door. He was as sure as ever of his vocation and he had no problem with being called upon by people in need, but there were almost always at least some church members who felt that their relatively large monetary contributions gave them the right to expect that the parish clergy were at their beck and call for every last little thing. It might not be right, but Paul was going to enjoy being "off the clock" until July 7. Deborah, Tom, and Joey were in the lower 48 for several weeks, and would be staying in California for a week before flying over to Jersey and then up to Maine for Tom's cousin's wedding. Derrick, Natasha, and the twins had come up from San Luis Obispo and Alicia's father had flown in from Princeton. It was good to have four generations under one roof.

As Paul shut the door, he heard a big "Yes!" from Joe and a groan from Derrick. It was a Yankees-Cleveland game, so Paul assumed that New York had either scored or prevented a score.

CJ, Deborah, and Natasha were enjoying themselves at a day spa. Cathy and Carly Branson, twins from Mary Mag, were in the house to help with the two infants, one toddler, and to keep an eye on Caitlin and Dansha. The menfolk had watched some of the matches from Wimbledon earlier in the day and had moved on to the East Coast.

As he turned to walk to the family room, Paul heard Pat's raised voice.

"Geez Louise, Caitlin, I *said* I was sorry!" Then, in a slightly quieter voice, "But why in hell you can't put the damned seat down yourself, I'll never know."

Paul laughed to himself as he heard Joe, Derrick, and Tom laugh out loud in masculine appreciation of the boy's frustration and moved to join them. However, he stopped in mid-step as Pat asked, "Should I tell Papa that I swore?"

Paul moved back, but not before Joe caught his eye; Paul shook his head from side to side.

"Nah," Joe said to Pat. "We've all been there." Derrick and Tom nodded in agreement, taking their lead from the group's eldest. Even Hershey lifted his head in assent.

Had Pat seen that Paul had heard, Paul would have been compelled to be the parent, to set the right example about what words should and shouldn't be used, and how a man treated the women in his life with respect. But being the heavy could get heavy at times and this was one time that Paul wanted to step out of the role. Between Derrick and Deborah and now Pat, Caitlin and Dansha, he had been performing those duties for thirty years, with at least fifteen more to go. As Paul had mentioned before to Frank Muñoz, he really couldn't even be a typical spoiling grandfather because of the closeness in age between his second set of kids and the first round of grandkids. Not that he regretted for one second his promise to Danny regarding Pat and Caitlin, his love for CJ, and the joy of Dansha.

_**Brocchi's Cluster**_

"_Hey, it's not like I was jumping up and down in delight about dying when my kids were 3 years and 3 months, respectively," Danny muttered. Then he lined up his shot and putted to make eagle. Now he was only two shots behind (or was it ahead?) of Hugh Stewart._

It was just that, sometimes, a guy needed a break.

Paul walked into the family room.

"So, what's the score? And, as long as I'm up, can I get anyone something to drink?"

**5:00 PM**

"Well, you ladies certainly look refreshed and revitalized!" Tom said as CJ, Deborah, and Natasha came into the kitchen through the door from the garage.

"We are," Deborah replied, kissing her husband. Natasha smiled and then made a beeline for the guest wing. This had been the longest she had left her babies alone and she was anxious to check on them.

CJ was putting away the ice cream she had picked up for supper; Paul came up behind her and kissed the side of her head.

"Did you enjoy yourself, sweetheart?"

"Of course." CJ turned around. "By the way, I ran into Lois Rinaldi. She told me how happy she was for you and asked me if I was excited. What gives?"

"I tell you later," Paul replied as Caitlin and Dansha came running in from poolside, followed by the Branson girls.

"Cathy, Carly, thank you so much for your help this afternoon." Paul handed each girl $30.00 and shook his head when the young women tried to tell him that he was being way too generous.

"Dad, would you like me to drive the girls home?" Derrick asked.

"No, I'll do that. Why don't you start the grill and work with your grandfather on the ribs, since I'm not privy to the secret sauce?"

The two girls followed Paul out of the kitchen and through the garage. He headed for the van at the curb then changed his mind. It was a beautiful afternoon with no clouds and no wind. It was much too nice for sensible, stodgy transport.

"Ladies, if you don't mind, we'll use the Bonneville." Paul opened the passenger door of the vintage red convertible and helped Carly and Cathy into the rear seat.

**10:30 PM**

Paul looked up as CJ's shadow fell across the pages of the journal he was reading, then smiled and took off his reading glasses as she took the magazine from his hands. He reached for her hand and pulled her onto his lap.

"You smell good," Paul said, taking in the combined scents of her face soap, the remnants of whatever potions the day spa had used on her body, and the minty leftovers of toothpaste.

"Hmmm", she commented, planting little kisses on his face while playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. Then she moved slightly away, and draping her arms loosely around his shoulders, looked into his eyes.

"So, when the wife of my husband's department chair tells me that she is happy for me and asks whether I'm excited, I can either give her a blank look, or act quickly and pretend I know what she's talking about. Luckily, eight years in the west wing of the White House provided me with plenty of training in the latter. What gives, Paul? Why the secrecy?"

"It's not secrecy, sweetheart. It's just that there hasn't been time to tell you, and also, it's not that, well, definite.

"Next year, starting in June, there's going to be a new collaborative effort on a compendium of ethical thought and issues through the past three millennia. A while back, David mentioned that I was way overdue for sabbatical and that he was nominating me for consideration to the group. And for some reason, the committee picked me."

"How wonderful!" CJ kissed him vigorously. "But what's not definite about it?"

"Well, it's quite an effort, and would involve a year in Italy, over in Bologna, at the university. It's just not - "

"Not what? The experience for the kids would be great. Once we're over there, we'd be in easy reach of France, Germany, even Turkey. And I love Italian food, not to mention the wine."

"But your work, CJ," Paul protested.

"What about my work? By the way, if you are overdue for a sabbatical, so am I. We started our jobs here at the same time, Mr. Doctor Reverend Reeves," CJ reminded him. "The program is well established; it pretty much flows easily."

"It's not just the program, Mrs. Doctor Professor Reeves," Paul answered, "and you know it. You're on an increasingly accelerated track up the administrative ranks, and being away from Berkeley for a year could easily derail it. And no way in hell am I going to go eight time zones away from you and the kids."

"Yes, I enjoy working with higher administration, but I'm not actively seeking advancement, Paul. We both said, when we started this, that we were going to keep a balance between work and life, Paul. Which is why you turned down requests to chair the department for the seminary, which is why we both keep our hours about half to three-fifths time. I haven't forgotten that."

Paul kissed his wife before responding.

"I know, and I'm happy with what I am, what I – what *we* have, sweetheart. But I would be lying by omission if I didn't say that it's different for you. You seem to thrive with the extra responsibility, with the bigger picture. And you do it without taking away from the kids, from me, from our friends. I stand in awe of that, CJ. It gives me pleasure, and not just a little pride, to see you managing everything so well. I don't want to stand in the way of your success."

_**The Meadow by Rainbow Bridge**_

"_Well, shut my mouth!" Esther Dawson exclaimed. "I do believe that's the first time I ever heard that boy admit that a woman was better at something that he was. Will wonders never cease!"_

_Danny laughed briefly with the others and then looked at the woman by his side._

_Alicia managed a little smile. "She is good for him; he's so much more mellow than he was with me."_

_Danny put his arm around her. "Well, he's older now, and age does have a way of making a man see things in perspective. And although he is right about her being good at managing and administering, she does sometimes get a bit carried away, get a bit too involved. He needs to give her a lot of rope, but he needs to keep hold of that rope, make sure she stays grounded. _

"_And who says change is a bad thing? Look at you. Try to tell me you ever put your hand on Paul's thigh in public back in the day."_

_Alicia looked down at Danny's lap. Her fingers were maybe three inches away from the slight bulge in his shorts._

"_I guess," she said with a giggle. "How about?"_

_Danny smiled, stood up, and held out his hand. The two of them casually walked toward Cassiopeia's Chair. _

CJ lifted herself up, and, straddling Paul's legs, turned to face him, her arms still loosely draped around his neck. She stared right into his eyes.

"Yes, I know it. Yes, I know that I'm good at it. But you know what? I've been there, done that, got the M&M's with the presidential seal. I have nothing left to prove, to the world, and more importantly, to myself. I ran the White House. I established the foundation. I won the fucking Nobel Peace Prize. If an administrative title comes my way, yeah, I'll do it and I'll throw down just like I did in the past. But I also have you, and the kids. And right now, spending a year in Italy sounds like something I want more.

"So come Monday morning, you march right into Dean Rinaldi's office and you tell him that you will be taking the sabbatical. And I'll put in the paperwork for mine. Got it?"

For once, for now, he acquiesced to her leadership. "Yes, Ma'am", Paul replied, then accepted the voracious open-mouthed kiss CJ ground into his face.

Paul relaxed as CJ's lips moved from his mouth to his nose, his eyes, and then to his neck. He sighed as she continued down his chest, circling his navel and then, trailing lower as she undid the buttons of his pajama pants. CJ took him in her mouth and, responding slowly but surely to the wet warmth, Paul thought to himself that it was good, sometimes, to be totally receptive, to just enjoy the loving actions of one's mate. Since his days at Dartmouth, he had known that a woman was a complicated creature, that her physical and psychological erotic needs were intrinsically entwined. He had known that the effort put into bringing both aspects of feminine sexuality to their fullest extent resulted in a much better sexual experience for himself as well and had, over the years, gladly done everything in his power to accomplish that for the women with whom he had mated, especially his wives. But he was only human, and at times, took selfish pleasure in being serviced as CJ was now doing. She had slipped off his lap and was now kneeling between his legs, her hair spread out over his groin and he reached down to gently stroke that silken coverlet. God, it felt so good.

Too good.

There had been no more incidents of non-performance since that one time at the beginning of the month, but neither had there been any "second helpings". If CJ continued what she was doing to its natural conclusion, she could very well be disappointed afterwards. He reached down to caress her jaw.

"Sweetheart, if you don't stop now, I might not be able to -".

"Wksbgkmt", she interrupted.

"What?"

CJ lifted her head.

"We'll cross that bridge if and when we come to it. And there's always turn-about, Mr. Doctor Reverend Reeves."

Then she recaptured him and Paul acquiesced to her demands. Sometimes, it was nice not being in charge, he thought.

And then he lost all thought.

**3:00 AM**

Paul slowly came to consciousness with the scent of his wife's body twitching at his nose. Without opening his eyes, he realized that he was lying on her torso, just below her breasts and above her waist. One of CJ's arms was on the back of his head.

Earlier, after events in the chair had reached their natural conclusion, Paul had led CJ to the bed and had repaid her twice over for her ministrations. Then about ninety minutes later, they woke up within seconds of each other, both aware of the rock steel pressing against CJ backside. Their coupling had started sweet, slow, and languorous, but had taken a turn for hard and swift as they approached climax. It had obviously been exhausting; witness the fact that he had fallen asleep on his wife's body rather than gathering hers in his usual protective embrace.

Paul sighed with satisfaction in knowing that, at least for now, their days of second helpings were not a thing of the past. He started to lift himself, intending to raise himself to the pillows and pull CJ into his arms. Then he changed his mind.

The day had been full of mini-sabbaticals from his normal duties and responsibilities. And although Paul was happy in his role as husband, father, head of family, and minister – the compleat grown-up, as it were – , the break had been nice. He would continue to enjoy being held and protected by CJ for a while longer.

Paul fell asleep dreaming of the next week and the even longer sabbatical that awaited their family.


End file.
